Chapter 111: Help Me Make It Through the Night.
Stirring awake, YN took a large deep breath.
My whole body...
His entire being hadn't ached like this in ages. It reminded him of mornings waking up just after his Gate had become stagnant. Yet, as he laid in bed, things began to seem wrong. While he knew he was in a bed that wasn't his own, namely, one in the Karsten Manor, it didn't feel right.
Why am I still in these clothes?
In garments that still very much felt worn and used, YN knew he wouldn't have worn these to bed.
As he regained more of his consciousness as he awoke, the damp sensation between his cheek and the pillow was abnormal too.
I never used to drool like this in my sleep before coming to this world—
Yet, as went to wipe his cheek, he found this moisture did not originate from his mouth. Moving his hand higher up, the source was found.
My... eyes?
Feeling the pillow, he confirmed once more this wasn't his newly usual habit of drool he had upon waking up in the mornings.
These are...
—Tears.
YN had been crying whilst he slept.
But what reason do I have to cry? Yesterday was—
His heart sinking and becoming cold, YN sat motionless for a moment before more tears quickly ran down his face and onto the pillow as they had been.
Rem...
The memories of the two failed Loops hit his psyche like a freight train.
All the effort, all the pain, all the struggle, it seemed as if it were all in vain.
Rem: More than anything else in the world, Rem loves her YN-kun!
Letting the echo of her words enter his mind once more, a pain like no other struck YN to his core.
Folding his knees up to his chest as he laid sideways in his bed still, YN sobbed silently to himself as the knowledge of Rem's condition having persisted had remained.
I couldn't save her...
Thinking back on his actions, his morale sunk lower.
The Murder of his friend, his panicked rampage of attempted vehicular manslaughter, and finally with his mind at its wits end, having to be pinned down by his allies and sedated.
YN had no clue how much time had passed. He remembered Felix having to use a great deal of mana and skill to knock him out, and to that end, he figured that was the source of his body's achiness.
They probably all think I'm crazy now...
While the embarrassment and the shame weighed greatly on his soul and mind, none of that compared to the pain Rem's loss had for him.
Sitting up in bed, YN looked out the window.
Nighttime...
Comparing the condition of the sky versus the segmented, lighted crystal display that divided the day into Water, Earth, Fire, and Wind times, the "clock" on the wall illuminated a blue color.
It's Water time... So it's definitely the evening, but it isn't unsightly late.
Seeing the color, YN couldn't help but think something was off about it.
YN: Usually that blue is pretty close to what Rem's eye color was... But for some reason...
It was dull.
In fact, every color, especially blues, seemed to be dull, and devoid of life.
Rubbing his eyes, he tried to see if that would make any difference.
YN: I must just still be tried.
But as his mind weighed heavy with images of Rem, a yearning began to grow in him. It was primordial and self-serving in its base nature. His simple mind, at its core, only wanted to be comforted. It was innocent, yet selfish.
I want to go see Rem.
Knowing if he had been taken back to the Karsten Manor, YN knew the rest of those around him during the events of yesterday, —or today even, still had to be around still.
Subaru wouldn't have let Rem just be forgotten on the battlefield... She's probably here somewhere still, or at least back in the Mansion.
Pushing the covers off himself, YN turned to put his feet on the floor. Pushing himself upward, he stood, but staggering, his pained body nearly fell to the floor.
YN: Ugh...
Lightheaded from the action, YN shook off the sensation and stumbled slightly towards the door. Opening it, he shuffled into the hallway.
This isn't the Guest Quarters...
Looking around, YN was in a part of Karsten Manor he wasn't exactly familiar with. He had been in a spare bedroom of sorts, adorned nearly identically as the ones in the Guest Quarter, but by the hallway layout and size, it was clear he was in the main part of the Manor.
Rem's gotta be around here somewhere...
With a much more rational, but still single track mind, and a hand bracing himself against the wall as he stumbled forward, his body in pain, YN still saw all the colors around him in a duller tone. All of the usual greens, golds, and occasional red he typically saw beautifully and tastefully adorning the halls of the Manor were washed out in color.
Making slow progress with no real destination in sight, he rounded a corner. While he should have been trying doors, seeing potentially which one held Rem, his mind was still plagued and distracted by his worries and sadness.
Lost in thought about what this all meant, what he'd do now, what he should have done differently, etc, a single rhythmic beat broke that trance he walked in.
*Ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum—*
Familiar with the sound by now, one he realized only he could hear for some reason, YN turned around to where it seemed this source was. And as he did—
?: —Ah! I'm terribly sorry... I didn't mean to aimlessly follow you...
Speaking as if surprised he had noticed her, YN recognized the one who spoke to him.
?: If you're looking for Natsuki-Subaru-sama, he is still conversing in the lounge with the others... They're still assembled there right now in fact... I had planned to remain present for the discussion, but it got too intense for me...
While YN was familiar with the woman's boreal green hair and pricing yellow eyes, which he could still make out despite his eye's not wishing to cooperate when it came to color, there was still something strikingly unfamiliar about her too.
It's not her voice but... something else is off...
?: Ummm... Is there something else you are looking for maybe?
It was her speech pattern. And the way she carried herself now that was so starkly different. YN knew this person. She had been one of the key people Subaru had gathered to save Emilia and the village of Arlem.
With YN remaining speechless, the woman he knew who was not acting like herself seemingly became more nervous than she already was, indicated mainly by the way she slightly fidgeted in place, something that was very much unlike her.
But how could she not? Before her stood a stranger she did not know other than the brief things she had been told in her limited recent memory.
His face was covered in dried tears, his eyes red and inflamed from crying. The hair atop his head was unkempt and messy. The clothes he wore were dirty and ripped. He stared back at her with a glassed over expression, and she had just followed him as he staggered through the hallway as if intoxicated.
The pure fact she hadn't left out of either intimidation or uncomfortableness was the only thing she did that YN recognized. Her courage it seemed was the only thing he could tell was like her.
With a dry mouth and throat, YN croaked out the woman's name.
YN: C-Crusch-sama...
Halfway relaxing the expression on her own face, the Duchess put her two hands to her chest in relief, one of which was heavily bandaged.
Crusch: I see, we are familiar with each other... would you like me to guide you back to Natsuki-Subaru-sama? He is your friend, correct?
Speaking as if she wasn't already privy to their relationship, YN went back to silently staring at the girl.
Crusch: I am terribly sorry, you probably aren't aware yet of my condition, having just woken up, are you...? Er...
As if struggling to recall his name, YN had an educated guess as to what this "condition" was she spoke of, sparked on by her odd mannerisms coupled with the question she seemed to want to ask.
YN: It's YN.
Crusch: YN-sama, I apologize... I am told you are one of the many I owe a great deal to, yet I couldn't even recall your name...
Somewhat off put hearing his name be affixed with such a high honorific, YN had other pressing curiosities that overtook his want to ask she simply call him his name and nothing more.
YN: Did... Did you lose your memories of me?
Somewhat afraid he'd been affected by proxy like Rem had been, the Duchess shook her head with a weak smile.
Crusch: I'm afraid that applies to not only you, but of everyone else, including myself.
Shocked to hear of that, YN could only attribute what that meant to one thing.
Amnesia? Did she hit her head in the battle with those two who attacked her and Rem?
YN: That'll probably go away though, won't it?
This was completely unlike the Duchess to act this way. A sense of bashfulness? Timidness to her words? Her current choice of honorifics? Certainly such a departure from her usual self wasn't something that could persist for that long.
Crusch: It is unlikely. This condition is most likely indefinite... Like all the others that are affected...
YN: 'All the others?'
Nodding solemnly, Crusch elaborated.
Crusch: While I don't remember what had occurred leading up to my memory loss, there are few in number who are in a similar condition as myself. —Others remember them, however they do not remember the others, or themselves. There are a few who also are of the opposite condition as well. They can recall themselves completely, but others do not recognize them.
Some are erased from existence like the Whale had done to those hit by its Mist... But they're physical bodies remain this time? That doesn't sound like the Whale...
Thinking perhaps the memory erasure in others was somehow caused by the Whale or something related to it, YN now discounted that theory.
But getting your memories wiped? That sounds a lot like Leo's crystal...
Recalling the old wizard he had gone the route of simply not confronting in the Saluzzo fiasco, YN couldn't see it being him either.
This effect of erasing others wasn't something he could do. He would have at least taken Rem's horn as well still. That and it doesn't seem like Crusch's memory loss is like the one his crystal caused...
Quickly also discounting it was Leo as well, YN was left with the only two suspects he could think of.
It has to be those two we encountered.
Remembering just how fast they had dispatched a car ramming into them at full speed, it was clear their power was impressive.
Memory wiping and memory erasing might not also be out of the realm of possibility for them...
As he put a hand to his chin and looked downward, deep in thought, he recalled one last spoken thing from his time of panic-fueled desperation.
Julius had thought it might be more Archbishops with odd powers like how Petelgeuse had.
Loosely understanding this world was governed by its rules of magic and its Divine Protections, it seemed these Sin Archbishops broke that mold.
The Unseen Hands and the ability to transfer bodies after one dies definitely seemed strange to those who were accomplished magic users... If those two we encountered really were other Archbishops, the power to stop a car like that, and the memory manipulation certainly wouldn't be that much a deviation of what you could expect...
But as he dwindled in his thoughts, Crusch spoke back up in the brief silence that had formed.
Crusch: There is also a great deal of those who are also in an eternal slumber of sorts, whom no one else can recall either, despite clearly being involved in the expedition based on their appearances alone.
YN: The Sleeping Beauty symptom...
Crusch: Yes, that is what Ferris described it as. However the victims being forgotten is not something that has been observed before. All those affected are being housed temporarily until there is a better solution for them.
YN: I... I see...
Am I going to have to go looking for Rem now?
Crusch: Only it seemed Natsuki Subaru-sama could remember them. I had been told he had been able to remember those who fell to the Whale we fought as well, which caused something similar. Given he was also able to see the later foe's invisible attack, the others in the discussion seemed like they were not surprised by his ability to remember those who are asleep now.
YN: Yeah... He's pretty special...
If only they knew why though...
At times it seemed, keeping Return By Death a secret was better, simply because it kept so much explanation from having to occur.
Crusch: Those affected are being looked after though, despite not being able to age, or hunger. Natsuki Subaru-sama said something strange... that they were in a 'suspended animation.'
While it was a term that was clearly not easy to understand in this world, it explained the afflicted's condition perfectly to YN.
YN: I see.. That is a relief of sorts I suppose...
Getting ready to leave the Manor and go seek out the one he loved, Crusch's words halted him.
Crusch: —There is one that Natsuki Subaru-sama requested to remain here however. One he seemed to know personally. While she too is a Sleeping Beauty, he seemed to be concerned with her well-being for the sake of someone else... But if she cannot be remembered by that person, I must say it feels as if his concerns are in vain—
YN: —Where?! Where is she?!
Knowing that could only be one person, his reaction caught the Duchess completely off guard, making her bashful mannerisms return.
Crusch: O-Oh! I don't mean to be rude, but—
Perhaps thinking he felt as if he might know her, Crusch was unaware YN had retained his memories of everyone as well, even those that were afflicted.
YN: —Blue hair. Maid uniform. Her name is Rem.
The Duchess' eyes opened wide at the sudden accurate description of the one who had been requested to remain here.
Crusch: Were you informed of who this person was before she—
YN: —She has a necklace that perfectly matches this one—
Going to reach for the outer half of the combining necklace that Rem wore the other half to, upon reaching, suddenly YN found it missing.
No... No!
Had her being erased from everyone's memories caused the necklace to disappear?
Feeling panic well up inside him again, he patted his chest looking all around for the pewter necklace.
Imagining a photograph of people slowly fading away due to historical changes in a timeline, he feared the same effect had been made on his necklace while he had been asleep.
M-Maybe it fell off in the bed—!
Crusch: Umm, YN-sama.
Halting him again with her words, Crusch gestured towards pockets she did not have on her long, nightgown dress.
Crusch: I heard after you were sedated, those currently in discussion had found a necklace on the ground and put it inside your pocket for safekeeping. Is that the same necklace you speak of now?
Patting his pockets at her suggestion, YN found it in the third one he checked. Pulling it out, it was clear why it had fallen off.
The string broke...
While the string that held it was cheap compared to the clasping jewel and pewter parts that combined together, YN figured the damage must have occurred when he was pinned down.
I guess it must have broken the string when I was fighting back...
Thankful it was just the string though, he breathed a sigh of relief, mostly because this necklace continued to exist. But as Crusch looked closer at it as well, she quickly gathered what this meant.
Crusch: You... YN-sama, you recall this girl too, don't you?
Realizing what this meant, she combined the clues of his current demeanor, what she had been told had occurred with him before he was knocked out, and why he looked so disheveled now.
But more than anything, it was the tears forming in YN's eyes that he was fighting back that she could instantly tell, he had his memories of this person still, unlike everyone else, spare Subaru. It was apparent to her even before he made his shaky response.
YN: I-I do...she's all I can think about...
Stiffening her back and doing her best to show some confidence in her desire to assist someone who she had been told she owed so much to, the amnesic Crusch gestured to the emotional person before her to follow.
Crusch: Let me take you to her.
Gently opening the door as if someone on the other side were sleeping, YN still showed the blue haired girl he loved the respect he felt she deserved, despite being in the state she was in.
Seeing her fair skinned face, YN's demeanor immediately began to choke up again as she was still in her unending slumber.
One thing stood out to YN above all else though.
Her hair...
The brilliant azure blue hair that always calmed his heart stood out more than usual.
In a world that now felt as if it were covered with a dreary gray filter, reflecting what he felt in his heart that was everywhere he went, this one color stood out to him.
Unaffected by it all, it was the only color that seemed to remain pure to him.
YN: Rem...
Walking solemnly to her bedside, he collapsed to his knees, their joints weak at the very sight of her in this condition.
YN: Rem.
Tears welling up and falling on the bed-sheets that so gently formed to her precious figure, YN couldn't bring himself to suppress his feelings anymore.
YN: Rem... Please forgive me!
Burying his face into the sheets, he felt unworthy enough to even touch her. With no reaction of comfort from her either, it only further cemented the reality she was gone.
How could this happen?!
But as the still amnesic Crusch had followed him, she quickly realized the entire context of the situation.
The matching necklaces. His disheveled appearance. The fact he had needed to be sedated before. And now his current inconsolable emotion.
This woman must have been very close to him.
Reaching out into the air before her with her bandaged arm, that at one point had been completely severed from her body, Crusch had wished to comfort the one currently crying their eyes out, feeling a pain she could not imagine.
But alas, with her memories rendered asunder, she knew she did not have the words to console him.
Instead wishing to be as useful as she could be, Crusch silently departed the room in search of someone she knew could do what she should not.
Forgive me, YN-sama. I do not wish to make you feel alone in your time of need.
Walking with great speed down the hallway, the one Crusch had found first to help come and comfort YN tried her best to reach him as quickly as she could.
Pulled from the ongoing meeting, the only other one who could have followed her did not do so out of his own guilt. He expressed to Crusch briefly that he felt YN might not want to see him, and knowing why he might come to that conclusion, she also knew she did not have time to argue or convince him otherwise.
With all other parties in the discussion finding out from Crusch's brief depiction of YN's current state, there was no issue had with the one who had left.
Reaching his door though, she put her hand on the handle and braced herself to see YN yet again in a way she hadn't seen him before. It was one thing to see him act so desperate and frenzied the last time she saw him, something that was very much unlike him, but now it would be an entirely different thing to see him so hurt.
Wrapping her delicate fingers around the pyroxene crystal that still housed her now dormant contracted spirit, she tried in vain to seek some sort of confidence from him.
He showed himself to Subaru earlier... Why won't he come back out now for me?
Knowing that time was precious though, the silver haired girl disregarded her own worries and entered the room.
?: ...YN?
Like the chime of a soft silver bell, YN knew who it was without needing even a glimpse of her.
YN: — — —
He had since moved to sitting in a chair now, facing towards the Sleeping Beauty before him.
Without a response, the girl in the doorway came closer. Unsure how she should comfort the one who seemed to have a storm over his shoulder, it was also the first time she had seen this Sleeping Beauty in closer detail.
She was nearly identical to Ram, the one and only servant she knew of who worked at her sponsor's vast, yet empty Mansion. Namely, her hair was a very different color, and was parted in the opposite side than she was used to seeing on Ram.
Holding her hands in front of her, her fingers fidgeted as YN continued to silently stare at the blue haired girl.
As enough of a silence grew between them, it was YN now who broke it.
YN: Is there something you require of me, Emilia-sama?
With little to no emotion in his words, the half-elf was nearly wounded by the cold formal-ness of them.
Emilia: No... You've been through enough for a lifetime, I'm sure.
YN: Was there some other reason you decided to come by then?
In his current disposition and the fact that he knew Emilia did not remember who Rem was, like everyone else, he couldn't understand why she'd be wasting her time here, especially with as late as it was now, the "clock" having just changed to Earth time.
Emilia: I don't think I needed any other reason to come, did I? I want to help a friend in need. And as for her, I was close to Rem-san too, correct?
Trying to build a bridge of good intention to show YN he didn't need to be so defensive with his emotions, Emilia also tried to sympathize with him.
But, even as kind as the half-elf was, the reality that she was not familiar with the Sleeping Beauty was apparent.
YN: 'Rem-san...' Yeah. You two got along well.
Seeing where she had already faltered, Emilia held a hand to her chest.
Emilia: So I was familiar enough with her as well to simply say 'Rem...?' That is good to hear.
Happy at least to know she may be thought of this Sleeping Beauty as a friend too, Emilia tried her best to distract YN's mind from the pain it felt, even if only for a moment.
Emilia: I could tell something was deeply wrong the moment I saw how you reacted to me not knowing who she was... back in your 'khar.'
That was when I knew everything was lost...
It felt unreal. To YN, his entire world was lost in the blink of an eye, and for once, there was no getting it back by simply undoing the damage with Return By Death.
Seeing he was dwelling on dark thoughts, Emilia tried inspiring some sort of hope in him.
Emilia: When Subaru and I were in the conference hall with Crusch and everyone else discussing the alliance, —when you were still asleep, Subaru had said Puck showed himself to him.
Perking up for the first time in a while, YN actually took his eyes off the Sleeping Beauty before him as he halfway turned his head to Emilia.
Noticing her success, Emilia sought to hopefully keep this distraction going, if only to alleviate her friend's broken heart.
Emilia: Subaru told us Puck spoke about who was likely responsible for this.
Putting a hand over her chest, she went on.
Emilia: According to the information we have, the Archbishops of Gluttony and Greed were the ones Crusch and Rem faced in their ambush.
YN: 'Greed...' and 'Gluttony...'
Repeating the names of his enemies under his breath, YN's fists tightened in anger as the last few seconds of his previous life were burned into his mind.
The ghoulish goblin, scrawny and scrappy looking with frizzled long hair. And the man with white hair, a white jacketed suit, and piercing golden eyes with a sinisterly sly grin.
The moment before his car was crumpled from their sheer power alone, the vision of these two who had wronged him would not leave his mind.
I can somewhat picture which one is which too...
Emilia: Wilhelm mentioned it, but the others agreed too, since the Whale is related to Gluttony, and the effect is seemingly similar to that of its Mist, it is believed it is the Authority of Gluttony that is to blame for Rem's and Crusch's condition.
With YN's attention returning to one of the Archbishop's victims, the Sleeping Beauty before him, Emilia took a step forward to stand next to YN as he continued to sit.
Emilia: While little is known about Gluttony, Greed is a very different situation... According to Wilhelm's knowledge, he was responsible for the destruction of the fortress city of Garkla, which was home to the Vollachian Empire's hero, Kurgan. He destroyed the city and all the thousands of soldiers defending it.
Hearing of so many exploits being attributed to one person, YN could finally understand why it was his car stood no chance against this foe.
YN: This guy sounds invincible... But how does Wilhelm know all that?
While YN was familiar with Wilhelm's prowess and how he was the late Sword Saint's wife, he couldn't imagine how Wilhelm was knowledgeable to that sort of information. He knew his swordsmanship overpowered the late Sword Saint's own, and thus defeated her out of the pure will to be her sword, or so Rem had explained to him in describing why she so adored the love song written about them.
But as for anything else regarding the Sword Demon, all YN knew was that he had fought in the Civil War Lugunica had about fifty years ago.
Emilia: Once he had heard Kurgan had fallen many years ago, Wilhelm was astonished. He had fought Kurgan more than once, and only managed to defeat him one time...
YN: —So then this 'Greed' Archbishop shows up one day at his front door and levels the entire house. I think I can understand why Wilhelm would be privy to that info if even he struggled fighting Kurgan...
Emilia could see that hearing this wasn't doing anything but making YN feel more hopeless. And how could he?
Not only did the Archbishop of Gluttony seem impeccably strong with his Authority to erase memories and personalities, but the Archbishop of Greed seemed to be on a whole other level.
I bet even Reinhard might struggle with him...
Tightening his firsts even harder, YN cursed his own powerlessness.
YN: Even if I had been there... even with Algol at my side... I wouldn't have stood a damn chance...
Emilia: YN...
But what frustrated YN even more was—
—I could never hope to hold my own against someone like that. No matter how hard I could practice or train. It wouldn't ever make a difference. There's just too much of a massive power gap.
Having the charisma of his otherworldly knowledge and skills, the upper-hands he had relied on so far in this world be blown away like faint embers in the wind of a mighty fire he could never hope to match, he truly felt worthless.
Seeing now that her strategy of trying to take his mind off Rem wasn't working, Emilia tried the opposite now as the silence between them was growing long from YN's continued moral destruction.
Emilia: —C-Can you tell me about her? —About Rem.
Getting his dark expression to soften, for a change, a flood of good and happy memories filled his mind at the request asked of him.
YN: Rem was— is, the kindest, most compassionate, and caring person I ever had the unfounded luck to meet.
As his eyes softened, they fell upon her brilliant blue, azure hair, the only thing that seemed to remain vibrant in a world that was now filled with gloomy grays and washed out colors.
YN: Nobody worked harder than her. Her work ethic, her need to be perfect in everything she did... it was unmatched. No matter how hard I tried to help her, I could never seem to make her days easier with just how much she would take on. At the very least, with my job, I could keep her inside and out of the harsh sun and dirt.
Looking down at his hands, that much was apparent. His hands were no longer the soft ones that they were upon arriving in this world. He sacrificed that softness they had to take even the smallest amount of work off the back of his beloved. They weren't rough, but they were definitely not how they used to be.
Guilt struck, his eyes began to glass over from tears forming in them.
I wish I could have done more for her... I'd work till my hands bled and wilted away if it meant she'd wake up...
Wiping the water from his eyes though, he went on about the Sleeping Beauty, if only because he felt the world deserved to know just what it was missing out on.
YN: And goodness, was she a good cook. It never mattered what it was, whatever she touched was my favorite thing. Even when that Fatsbalm character came by, —that time when Subaru made an absolute fool of himself with that trick he played, Rem's food I thought far exceeded what they had made.
Thinking on just how long ago that seemed now, it seemed like his first meeting with this Sleeping Beauty was an eternity ago. But while he had slightly perked up at recalling those happy memories of their time in the Mansion together, his words trickled back into despair and longing as he went on about that.
YN: When we first met, after first arriving in the Mansion, she was very weary of me, like she was of Subaru too. And rightfully so, that was her job to be. But she wouldn't trust me, —not one bit. I kept trying and trying to earn that trust though... Because she was the first person in this world I could call a friend.
As YN grew more emotional, his filter he had to keep on his word choice grew loose, but so far he hadn't said anything that raised suspicion to Emilia who was attentively listening to him go on.
YN: From that mistrust, she ended up doing a lot of things she regretted. I've tried so hard to comfort her and show her that she didn't need to feel that way... I can only pray she eventually understood that. She would always tell me she still felt bad about it all... But to me that didn't matter. I told her I'd endure it all again, —thousands of times even, if it led to us finding each other.
Tiny droplets of water landed on YN's lap as he went on. To Emilia, it seemed more and more like he wasn't directly talking to her, yet rather he was speaking to the world around him that knew nothing of this Sleeping Beauty, and how much she had been a ray of sunshine in it.
YN: With everything that happened between us, it only made us stronger. What we had was tragic, yet it was something no one else could ever hope to have. That uniqueness was something I wanted her to treasure. We defied so many odds and it still ended up with us being happy together.
At this juncture, what YN was saying had morphed into his own monologue about his feelings to her. He cared not if what he said led to a Consequence brought about by Return by Death. He wished only to voice his deepest truths about her, —what could only be called a eulogy for Rem.
YN: What we had was a tragic love. But even as such, the guilt she still had almost kept her from saying what she truly wanted to say to me.
Clenching his teeth, YN fought himself from completely breaking down as tears continued to fall from his face.
YN: The very last thing she said to me, before all this—
On the very edge, YN was sucking back snot and wiping a never ending stream of water from his eyes.
YN: —was that she loved me. And... And—!
Almost unable to say it, the root of his intense emotion showed itself to Emilia.
YN: —I never got to say it back to her!
Completely beside himself now, YN could say no more. His body trembled with every sob he made. What Emilia had hoped would inspire less dark thoughts in him had only made him truly come to terms with the reality around him.
Seeing him this way though, the half-elf took yet another gamble, crossing what she felt might be a major boundary for YN, but at this moment, she thought he needed it.
As the world seemed hopeless around him, two arms descended from above his shoulders.
While not as caring or comforting as the Sleeping Beauty's before him, they nonetheless shocked YN, and cured him of his deepest despair, though only elevating him to just how he was before.
Emilia: YN...
Feeling her try as she might to comfort him, Emilia offered only the most sincere words she could as she hugged him from behind, speaking softly as she did.
Emilia: I don't want to just tell you 'I'm sure it'll work out,' or 'she'll be fine.'
Surprised to hear such an in-tune response from Emilia, YN kept quiet and didn't protest her trying her hardest.
Emilia: What I do want to tell you though, is that I don't want you to worry about Rem all by yourself like this... Let me worry with you... Let Subaru worry too. —And Ram, and Roswaal.
Feeling her lean in more behind him, Emilia's words filled with more emotion.
Emilia: I know you probably feel reeeaaally alone right now. But there's so many people I can promise will want to help you like you've helped them so many times. Like you've helped me, I want to help you. Just this once though, let me be the one to help you first, okay?
While YN had assisted in retrieving her Royal Selection pendant with Subaru, Emilia had repaid him with getting him treatment for his Gate. And while YN had stopped the thief's attempt at stealing her pyroxene crystal, Emilia had once again repaid her debt to him by bringing forth his previously unknown spirit that had seemingly attached itself to him. This time though, Emilia simply asked to be one to help him initially for a change.
Calmed by the silver haired girl's words, YN reached into his pocket and pulled out the matching necklace piece that was the other half to the one the Sleeping Beauty wore.
As Emilia noticed it, she recalled it having been broken in the attempt to sedate YN. Looking between it and Rem, it was then she noticed it as well.
Those necklaces... they go together, don't they?
Yet with no one way to put it back on himself like the other remained for Rem, in his now rational sense, a solution presented itself.
Reaching out for her, YN gently stroked her soft azure hair as it moved to its nearby, intended area.
Carefully caressing the pink ribbon that tied her bangs away from her one normally visible eye with the assistance of its accompanying clip, YN tugged one of loose tails that tied into the flower shape it took, slowly unraveling it.
Taking the ribbon in his hand, he gently shook it free from her, and let it fall to the floor. Leaving her hair to lay smoothly upon her fair skin, it was much like how the shadows softly fell on the walls with the calm glow of the single crystal lamp on the Sleeping Beauty's bedside table.
Picking the pink ribbon back up, YN tied it in place of where the old string had been on his share of the pewter necklace. And using the arms that were still around him, Emilia reached for the newly created item and gently hung it around his neck as she stood back up straight.
Realizing what he needed now was some time and rest to reflect, Emilia still didn't wish to be pushy.
Emilia: When you're ready, we can talk more. But for now, I think it's best you get more rest.
Only silently nodding in reply, the half-elf gave him an unseen weak smile, before she turned to leave the bedroom.
I hope YN knows just how much everyone feels for him...
Giving him one last look, she shut the door, and left YN to his own devices.
Having gently kissed the Sleeping Beauty goodnight now that it was well into Earth Time, YN was staggering quietly about the Karsten Manor's halls back to his own room.
Tied around his neck once more was the pewter half of the necklace Rem also wore, her half being the brilliant azure center-stone. However, YN's half was now secured by the untied pink ribbon that had once adorned Rem's hair.
Slowly shuffling around one of the last corners he needed to turn to reach the guest quarters, YN was met by a familiar face.
YN: Wilhelm-san...
Surprised to see anyone else up this late, the Sword Demon it seemed had just begun departing from the guest area.
Wilhelm: YN-dono.
Bowing in his more gentlemanly way, the elder swordsman greeted YN in a warm fashion, no doubt aware of just how rough he was having it right now.
Wilhelm: I did not have the chance to properly thank you for your quick response in alerting us to Crusch-sama's whereabouts. Had you not, I'm afraid we may have been too late.
That's an odd thing to tell someone who couldn't control their emotions and had to be put under...
With no response garnered from his words of thanks, the gentleman butler knew it was due to what had occurred.
Wilhelm: I see you were able to locate your necklace. Crusch-sama informed me that it pairs with the one worn by your camp's own that was afflicted with the consequences of Gluttony's authority.
Seeing further, Wilhelm noticed it was repaired by using none other than that same girl's pink ribbon that was so neatly tied into a flower upon the side of her brilliant azure hair.
Wilhelm: While it was obvious to all that with the exception of Subaru-dono, you are the only other soul who can recall her in your memories, it is also very clear you care deeply for her. However, I must admit my curiosity begs one question of you simply based on the look in your eyes alone.
Seeing something deeper hidden in the way YN now looked at the world, the Sword Demon inquired more on those details. And while YN remained silent in reply, he did not dismiss or reject his question.
Wilhelm: YN-dono, just how close were the two of you?
YN: — — —
Remaining silent still, it felt as if at this juncture his words were limited to how much he could truly say. With the thoughts of his loss of Rem still weighing heavily on his mind and on his soul, YN knew after all his crying there was only so much he had in himself he could still croak out as a response.
Thinking carefully, he chose the fewest amount of words needed to answer his question and describe to Wilhelm the gravity of his loss.
YN: S-She had just told me she loved me...
Weakly squeezing his closed fists at his side with what little strength remained in his body, he concluded his answer.
YN: —but I never got the chance to tell her that back.
Opening his wrinkled, experienced, and knowing eyes wide at hearing such a revelation, he completely understood the weight that would have on someone. To say the least, Wilhelm had not expected to be as moved as he was at this.
With a deep breath, the Sword Demon replied to YN.
Wilhelm: I must say, for once in my life, I have seen an equal to what I believed was the strongest devotion possible that I held for my late wife Theresia.
Holding his white-gloved fist to his chest, Wilhelm closed his eyes as he continued.
Wilhelm: To be unable to return the deepest of feelings your most beloved holds for you... I can understand how heavy a wound that is to carry.
Still somewhat dismissive however, due entirely from the pain in his heart still, YN replied the gentleman.
YN: Subaru did inform me of why you sought revenge against the Whale, and what you were finally able to say upon slaying it.
Recalling how he was told it was the first time the Sword Demon had professed his love to his late wife, given the similarities he now noticed with him and Rem, YN couldn't help but feel it was self fulfilling.
YN: It's... poetic really.
At the unexpected response, Wilhelm's face turned to an expression of faint wonder.
Wilhelm: May I inquire what you mean?
Still unable to make eye contact with his vision cast just past the Sword Demon, towards the floor, YN answered.
YN: That love song that bards sing about you and the late Sword Saint, it was one of Rem's favorites. She greatly enjoyed the tale told about the two of you.
Somehow managing to greatly surprise the Sword Demon for a second time, Wilhelm couldn't have expected such a coincidence to have come about. To both of them here, it made the world feel that much smaller.
As he was moved speechless, YN too could tell he struggled to find the words needed to continue the conversation.
Finally clearing his own throat as a way to break the silence, the Sword Demon turned the conversation to other matters worth bringing up now.
Wilhelm: I should also mention, while Subaru-dono has not come to see you, it is not out of him not caring, rather... he feels guilty in denying you the right to try and protect your beloved.
YN admittedly could already sense that was the case, but hearing it from someone else also did put his mind at ease, if only a little.
YN: He shouldn't feel that way... He made the right call at the end of the day. I was well and truly off the deep end of things and there's no telling just how much farther I could have fallen.
Besides, Rem was already gone... There wasn't a thing I could hope to do...
YN: Subaru was correct in stopping me. Rem wouldn't want me behaving that way.
Fully embracing the humiliation that it was having to be sedated and causing such a scene, Wilhelm was humbled by the display.
Wilhelm: I truly wish there was some way I could assist you in this. No one deserves to walk this path of longing. But I do see a determination in your eyes still. You have not truly given up hope.
And Wilhelm was correct about that. Despite the pain and loneliness he now felt, there still remained a glimmer of hope in YN's heart it seemed. One day, Rem would be cured of this condition.
YN: If there does exist some hope, it's going to take a lot of strength to get there... I'll need to get stronger. Much stronger—
Recalling what Emilia had spoken to him in regards to the Archbishops, namely that of Greed, YN felt his hands begin to shake as the single image of them right before his car's hood crumpled, reentered his mind.
YN: —stronger than even you. But I don't have the faintest idea of how that could ever happen.
As high as the goal was though, reality was still an obstacle to contend with.
Hearing his words though, the Sword Demon entertained the idea in pure honesty.
Wilhelm: In my own belief, I don't think that's as impossible as you may believe it is.
For the first time in this entire interaction, YN made eye contact with the gentlemanly swordsman, entirely surprised that he of all people could say that.
Replying with a weak smile, Wilhelm went on.
Wilhelm: I am an old man past his prime. I'm sure with enough effort and honing of your skills, you would be a worthy opponent.
Unsure if was being supportive, or simply trying to raise his spirits, YN argued back, only in worry Wilhelm was allowing himself to be too humble.
YN: Wilhelm-san... You shouldn't throw away your prestige just because you got your revenge on the Whale.
Beginning to wonder if the old swordsman believed he had finished running his race, YN assumption was struck down.
Wilhelm: I could only wish for it to be that simple.
Removing his jacket as he said that, Wilhelm turned to show YN his back.
What the—?
Bandages. White linen bandages turned red adored much of the Sword Demon's back.
YN: W-Wilhelm-san, shouldn't you get that healed by Ferris?
Managing to fully take YN's attention away from his dread filled thoughts of Rem for the first time all evening, the Sword Demon answered his question.
Wilhelm: These are wounds given by someone who possesses the Divine Protection of the Death God. They cannot ever be fully healed. In fact, they become worse the closer the one who inflicted them is to the wound itself.
YN: —! Did this happen during the fight with the Whale?
Solemnly shaking his head in reply as he re-adorned his overcoat, Wilhelm gave his chilling answer.
Wilhelm: I sustained these injuries many, many years ago, by none other than my late wife, the Sword Saint Theresa Van Astrea.
Trying to understand what that meant, YN could only come to one conclusion.
YN: That means then that—!
Wilhelm: —Yes. Given my wound has reopened now after all these years as I am fighting the Cult of the Witch... I can only draw one conclusion—
Getting an extremely dark air about him, a menacing presence full of anger and malice radiated from the Sword Demon.
Wilhelm: —to find out the cause of this beyond any shred of doubt, I must continue to pursue the Witch Cult.
Relaxing his aura, he turned to YN to give him his honest intentions.
Wilhelm: During the meeting I was in attendance at with Crusch-sama, Emilia-sama, Ferris-dono, and Subaru-dono, there was a discussion had on disbanding the alliance our camps now have based on the risk it presents to us in regards to the Witch Cult. I strongly rejected that we should consider that, and advocated to Crusch-sama that our alliance should remain.
Recognizing why that was, given his exchanged words with Emilia, YN showed he understood Wilhelm's motive.
YN: I'm sure you brought up logical points to counter that notion, but deep down, it's because staying attached to our camp— the one that has the Witch Cult's attention, means you have a better chance yourself of facing them again, right?
Slowly nodding at the correct analysis, Wilhelm answered.
Wilhelm: It is a very selfish reason, but that is what was at the root of my support for the alliance between our two camps to continue.
Shaking his head in reply to that though, YN sympathized.
YN: No, I don't think anyone could blame you for thinking that way, or wanting that. While it's nice that it's convenient for my camp, had it not been, I'd still understand your situation.
Somewhat humbled yet again by the spirit-arts user before him, the Sword Demon closed his eyes as a small smile went across his face, stepping past YN as he did so.
Wilhelm: You and I both have high goals set for ourselves in regards to the ones we cherish. I wish you all the luck in reaching them.
YN: The same to you, Wilhelm-san.
With that, the Sword Demon retired for the night just as YN was attempting to do.
As YN laid in his bed, the creeping pain of loneliness was slowly being beaten back by the fatigue his mind felt too. While his last moments of consciousness were a host to worries of what tomorrow might bring as well, YN let his weary mind have a rest.
Rem... I miss you so much...