Chapter 112: I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
Stood on the porch of the Karsten Manor's main entrance, YN held the one who held his own heart.
Before him, the carriage was being readied. It would be the one that he would follow behind that carried his companions and friends back to the place where he had called "home" for the last few months of his life.
Crusch, Wilhelm, and Felix had come to help prepare and see off what were supposed to be rival camp members, but thanks to this continued alliance, these sorts of things came with no sense of hostility or unease. While it was a sunny day, a day that was perfect for travel with a light breeze and occasional white cloud in the sky, YN stood under the easement to the Karsten Manor still, away from all the others.
His purpose for being there was partially because in truth, he didn't feel like socializing. He just didn't feel like he had it in him right now. Not with how everything had turned out anyway...
But, he had an excuse.
YN: I don't want to leave Rem in the sun for too long. If it's too harsh for her, she doesn't have a way to tell me.
—At least, that's what he told Crusch on why he had chosen to stand alone.
But with all the luggage packed, and the final goodbyes for now being said, YN knew it wouldn't take long to get his stuff in order.
His cloak, his clothes, his phone, and charger were already in the back hatch of his car. The only thing left to pack inside was his most precious item.
Felix: Umm, YyN? Don't mew think it's a better idea to have Rem-chan ride in the carriage? Ferri has some medical straps used to secure patients for transport...
YN: Thank you for the offer, but my car— er, dragonless carriage has built-in straps. I'll use those.
Speaking of course about his seat-belts, as the demi-human and greatest healer in the country looked on as YN gently placed the blue haired girl into the car's passenger seat, he was joined by Crusch and Wilhelm as well.
They all knew YN was aware it was a better idea for Rem to ride in the carriage, with the ground dragon's Divine Protection of Wind making his car feel like it was going to shake apart by comparison. But at the same time, they all anticipated he'd still be feeling overprotective of the girl, not wanting her out of his sight.
Truly though, it was Wilhelm who understood the best. He'd seen his own daughter-in-law succumb to an extremely similar ailment, and knew how his own son felt about it.
As YN reclined Rem's seat slightly, he gently placed a pillow between the top of the seat and her head, hoping to make the ride more comfortable for her. Making sure no part of her was in the way of getting pinched, he gently shut the door.
Gazing at her beautiful complexion through the window, the sky above halfway reflected onto the glass, superimposing itself over the girl inside.
Naturally, her hair blended in perfectly with the sky that was reflecting back at YN. Sighing heavily to himself, he slowly walked back around to the driver's seat, causing all the eyes looking upon him to scatter in fear of being accused of staring.
As Emilia and Subaru were ready to close the carriage's door, the half-elf weakly smiled at YN as he approached.
Emilia: Are you all set to go?
YN: I am, thank you for asking, Emilia-sama.
Responding in formal fashion whilst in front of the Crusch camp members, Emilia continued to weakly smile.
Emilia: You know you don't have to act so up-tight around friends, right?
Nodding at her suggestion, YN turned and bowed to the three Crusch-camp members still standing outside the carriage.
YN: You've already said your farewells to Subaru and Emilia, so I won't keep us here any longer. But I do want to thank each of you for all you've done for me. Each of you has helped me in this... troubling time and tolerated me at my worst. Thank you.
Bowing once more, Crusch waved away any concerns.
Crusch: There is no need for such heavy words. We all feel immensely for your condition. But YN-sama, I hope and pray that you remain in good health yourself, and I also pray for Rem's soonest possible recovery.
YN: I do too... But what happened to you is connected to Rem. If I— we, find a way to fix one, I'm sure the other will quickly follow.
Crusch: I must admit, I feel unworthy to be even one of your smallest concerns with all that has been handed to you, but that is a worry for another time.
YN: Yeah, daylight is wasting.
Turning back to the two in the carriage's doorway, YN nodded, signaling he was ready to leave.
Subaru: You'll probably want to follow us. Patrasche is as fast as she is quick witted, but you could get to Arlem and back before we could even make it past the Flugal Tree— er, Stump.
YN: Gotcha. I'll draft right behind you guys.
Finally departing, YN entered his car, and inserted his key into the ignition before twisting it to make his dragonless carriage roar to life.
About ready to put himself into motion, he looked over at the Sleeping Beauty one last time to make sure she was okay.
Oh, I should probably buckle her in, huh?
Reaching across her, YN grabbed the metal latch and fabric band and pulled it gently across the one who held his heart. With the distinct *click* of the latch, she was secure, but YN had found his emotions, were not.
Recalling the first time he had secured her in the then unknown and alien craft to her, YN longed for those times again.
Sighing deeply to himself, he remembered how lively and carefree the responsible and conscientious maid could let herself be around him.
What I would give for those times again.
Weighing heavy on his heart, his eyes fell to his own hand that rested near her own. Usually, in times like this, that hand of hers would reach out and grab his own.
But that wasn't going to happen anymore, it felt like.
Doing it himself, YN gently placed his hand into a hand smaller than his. A hand that was still warm with life but would not grab his own back.
To YN, Rem was here, but she also seemed impossibility far away.
YN: Rem...
Seeing that the carriage was beginning to leave without him though, YN bottled his emotions with a sharp inhale and a wipe of his eyes with his forearm. Taking another deep breath, he set the car in motion, and followed along with them.
With the long journey behind them, those of the Emilia Camp had finally returned home. As the carriage lined itself up with the curb to the steps of the Mansion, YN pulled up right behind it.
At least I think I minimized my fuel usage.
Looking at the gauge that indicated the amount of fuel he still had —the only fuel he had, the needle sat just a hair over one half of the way used.
I guess two trips to the Mansion and back will do that.
To his side still though, remained Rem.
Again wounding himself with idle thoughts, he reminisced over teaching the blue haired girl how to operate the otherworldly machine. But, knowing he shouldn't make himself emotional right before getting back out, he averted his eyes from her precious self, and returned them back to the fuel needle.
I really hope it doesn't run out before she wakes back up...
Worried he'd never get to experience the peaceful drives with her at his side again, YN fought tooth and nail to keep himself together.
I should just count myself lucky she got to experience it. I'll have those memories, and so will she.
Reaching for the handle to get out, he took one last deep breath to bottle up any residual emotion that might be stuck in his throat, and pulled the latch.
Stepping outside and letting the cool, crisp forested mountain air fill his lungs, YN stretched from the long car ride.
YN: Alright Rem, let's get you out of there.
With next to nothing for him to unpack himself of his own belongings, and thus, only needing to make one trip, YN had put anything he had brought along in his pockets with the exception of the brown hooded cloak Rem had hand made for him.
Flipping the cloak around, YN found the small stitching in the fabric that spelled out the words he would always read before adorning the cloak, located right where his old jacket's tag was located. Seeing those words, he read them aloud.
YN: 'Made By Rem, For her YN.'
With new meaning and gravity to these hand-sewn words, his emotions once more seemed to boil upwards in himself.
Holding the cloak to his face to hide his misty eyes, again, the groundskeeper inhaled slowly to steele his nerves before removing the cloth from his face and adorning it properly to keep his hands free for the one thing he'd need to carry into the Mansion.
YN: Alrighty, let's go...
Opening her door, YN gently removed the blue haired girl, and using his side, shut the door to his car, and turned to face the place they both called home.
YN: Welcome home... Rem.
Although bittersweet, they were finally home. But for how long that would last... YN hadn't a clue.
?: This place really is a lot bigger than I had imagined...
YN: —?
Hearing a voice he hadn't expected to be here, YN turned to see who it was that he had found himself nearby as Subaru and Emilia were still dealing with the Candidate's luggage.
Otto: Natsuki-san said this was apparently only a summer villa for the Margrave as well, have you seen his proper residence, YN-san?
Still somewhat shocked to see the green tunic'd merchant here of all places, YN was slow to respond.
YN: No I haven't... But...
Otto: —?
Tilting his head in response to YN's trailing answer, the merchant questioned why that was.
YN: Otto, what are you doing here?
Bluntly asking this of him, YN had thrown out any sort of consideration for the merchant on the count of sheer curiosity.
Otto: I've been here the whole journey!
YN: Okay, but why?
Otto: I'm simply cooperating with Natsuki-san on account of our deal! We went through hell and I was certain I was going to die on the way back to the convoy!
Simply staring at the merchant in response to his outburst, YN turned his vision back to the Mansion before them, towering over them with its height and prestige.
YN: Yeah, Subaru made a deal to introduce you to Roswaal. I forgot.
With his flat reply hanging in the air, Otto messed with the hair that fell out from the sides of his hat as he stomped the ground in frustration.
Otto: Why does it seem like everyone here at some point had forgotten I was coming along?!
Without a response to be had to his insanity driven question, Otto slumped his shoulders. As another moment of silence passed between the two, the merchant gave in and tried his hand at small talk once more.
Otto: I do have to say though... The outside is as well kept as it is massive... And I can't say I've seen a larger, greener front lawn...
YN: Thank you. It's a fickle thing to maintain.
Still simply looking ahead at the Mansion, YN admittedly wasn't truthful in what he said in reply to the Merchant.
It's easy actually since I had the educational app on my phone tell me how to treat it... But I need job security.
But, without giving the task and labor it required a second thought, Otto replied back to YN.
Otto: I do think I recall Natsuki-san saying you were a groundskeeper actually... If YN-san works in maintaining the outside though, does that leave Natsuki-san to take care of the inside?
Finding the idea of Subaru helping inside to any effect amusing, YN hollowly chuckled before answering.
YN: No, not at all.
Speaking as if it were a matter of fact, YN cast his eyes down to the Sleeping Beauty in his arms as he continued his answer, more somberly now.
YN: Besides outside duties, and maybe the single task of brewing tea for Roswaal, everything else, —and I mean everything, was handled by this one.
Wishing to praise her as if to continue to validate the existence she once held in this world, YN spoke softly with Rem's memories on his mind.
YN: All the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking... She did everything, and she did it marvelously...
Hearing his voice fill with an intense emotion, Otto's attention also went towards the Sleeping Beauty.
Otto: I see. This must be the young woman that Natsuki-san and Emilia-sama were speaking of in the carriage... She had told me that Rem-san was very important to you, and Natsuki-san told her of your two's exploits before Emilia-sama had forgotten about her like everyone else seems to have.
Unsure of what else to say, Otto fell silent again, forcing YN break the silence before it became deafening.
YN: Yeah... She's amazing...
Gazing at her peacefully asleep face, YN somewhat held her tighter in his arms before Otto followed up with another question.
Otto: If Rem-san was responsible for the domestic duties, and YN-san took care of the yard... What did Natsuki-san even do?!
Bringing YN out of his melancholy state, he shook his head and smiled in amusement at the question.
YN: He made more work for us.
Feeling the spiritual presence of Ram be channeled through him, her iconic "Ha!" echoed in his mind before it was drowned out by another new voice shouting defiance.
Subaru: That's not true at all!
Having already been walking over with his and some of Emilia's luggage in his arms, Subaru scowled at the idea of his honor being tarnished, but quickly relaxed his face when YN turned to see him, Rem still in his arms.
Subaru: —tch...
Tempering himself, Subaru suddenly realized this was the first time he had spoken to YN since he'd been sedated by Felix under his suggestion.
A guilt that was given attention once more by the Sleeping Beauty in YN's arms was what caused him to humble himself. Seeing Rem continue to be in this condition made him feel like a hypocrite.
I really do think YN was going off the deep end with how he was acting... But part of me thinks I should have let him realize that on his own rather than forcing him to stand down like I did. That sort of lays part of the blame on me for why Rem is in her current state...
Yet, seeing no ill-will in YN's reaction to his presence, Subaru at least knew the ice between them was broken once more, just in a way he hadn't expected to be.
I can tell he's not mad at me... He wouldn't hide that. There's a different look in his eyes though and it's throwing me off.
Obvious to the one person in this world who knew YN the best, save for Rem, Subaru could see the pain hidden behind his face.
He looks awfully tired too... There's bags under his eyes... Of course, I'd have a hard time sleeping too if I felt the way he did.
All in all though, the two wayward travelers were now on speaking terms once more, although most of that could be attributed to Subaru avoiding YN until he couldn't anymore, fearful of what his friend may say, or do, or react, given he'd been responsible for a Reset for the first time.
I guess I'm not any more innocent...
Thankful at least things wouldn't get bogged down in interpersonal relations, Subaru continued to speak to YN after his brief pause.
Subaru: YN, did you notice that about half the villagers weren't in the village?
YN: I didn't... but I guess now that you mention it, I can see how that could be the case.
With the two talking once more with no issue, Subaru got down to bringing YN up to speed with what he viewed as their next problem.
Subaru: It looks like they haven't returned from where Ram said she was going to take them.
YN: —To Sanctuary. That's where she told me she'd be taking them.
Subaru: Shouldn't they be back by now?
YN: Ram said it's about half a day there from here... So I'd assume they'd have been back for a while now, even if they needed to spend the night at their destination...
Putting a hand to his chin, Subaru could only assume the worst.
Subaru: If they aren't back yet then, we can only assume there's a reason for that.
Did something happen in the Sanctuary?
Thinking the exact same thing, YN and Subaru's brainstorming was cut short by Emilia.
Emilia: Roswaal should be with them, if they've run into a problem at the Sanctuary they can't solve even with him there...
Subaru: This is beginning to sound bad...
For the sake of all the villagers who're separated from their other family members because of that, we've gotta learn why the Sanctuary group is still absent.
Subaru: Emilia-tan, I know we just got back, but do you know where this sanctuary is? Or maybe where any others are? Perhaps they had to go to another one, or a backup one Ros-chi has?
Emilia: Eh!? S-Subaru, I thought you knew where it was...
Subaru: —hk!
Under the complete assumption Emilia was familiar with Roswaal's properties, it seemed Subaru was wrong on that count.
Subaru: M-Maybe we should check the Mansion for clues? If we gotta search for a few spots, we might need to—
Emilia: Umm... There is one thing I know...
Subaru: Hmm?
Surprised to hear Emilia might actually have the clue he was looking for, the half-elf actually wanted to clear up a misunderstanding he was having.
Emilia: I can tell you're stressing yourself over this already, but I can assure it's not as daunting of a mystery as it sounds. Roswaal doesn't have any 'sanctuaries' that I'm aware of, only The Sanctuary, which is where I'm sure they went.
YN: What Emilia-sama says is correct.
Subaru: So that's the name of the place they're going to... I see.
Emilia: It's not exactly a well known place either... He's asked me not to mention it to others should the topic come up.
Subaru: So on top of that it's a secret too? Damn it... We're going to have to search high and low for a clue inside...
Knowing how well guarded Roswaal kept his secrets, Subaru lamented on the idea of finding any information until—
YN: I know where it is. Sorta.
With all eyes coming to him, the three others besides himself that were conscious turned to him. Some with hope, but all with surprise in their eyes at him knowing the answer.
Otto: How accurate is 'sorta?'
Recalling the fateful Loop in his head silently to himself, YN's heart felt heavy.
The Loop where I had to beg Rem to kill me after Petelgeuse ambushed Ram on the way to Sanctuary and killed her...
YN thrust off those heavy memories from his consciousness though. The issue had been solved, and had [Rem] not found the courage to carry on and end that Loop, they would have been doomed. But to answer Otto's question and seeing they were all unpacked, YN replied as he began to walk up the steps to the Mansion, prompting everyone else to follow.
YN: It's in the Kermaldy Forest. And considering there's only one road in that direction, that has to be the way there. There isn't anything else in that direction either.
Subaru: So by simple process of elimination, why would a road exist in the middle of nowhere if it didn't go somewhere.
Emilia: If Sanctuary was in the Kermaldy Forest, that would be what the road is for.
With a consensus drawn on where the Sanctuary more than likely was, the four had reached the top of the steps and were now in front of the Mansion's large front door.
As Otto carried nothing though, the merchant took initiative in reaching for the door handle, expect that—
Otto: —I'm afraid it's locked.
Realizing they wouldn't be getting in any second too soon, Emilia and Subaru each set down what they carried.
Subaru: Umm, Emilia-tan, you wouldn't happen to have a front door key, would you?
Emilia: Eh?! No... Roswaal had never given me one... Normally there's always someone here to open it, like Ram.
Turning to YN, Subaru also asked.
Subaru: You're a groundskeeper, aren't you supposed to have a big ring of keys to every lock in the mansion?
YN: You think I'd bring that along to the Capitol? Besides, Ram needed them upon her return after she left us that same day, remember?
Otto: Are we well and truly outdoors then?
Emilia: W-Wait! Shouldn't Beatrice be inside?
Subaru: Emilia-tan... I don't think if we knocked all day she would—
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
Trying her best anyway, the half-elf knocked in what both Subaru and YN felt was ultimately in vain.
YN: Beatrice probably—
*—Ba-dum-Ba-dum-Ba-dum-Ba-dum—*
Cutting off his own words, YN heard the rhythmic drumming sound he had experienced several times before now. Unable to be heard by others, YN was uncertain if this was an alert of some kind, his only guess of that being his own intuition.
This happens sometimes right before someone jumps at us—!
? (muffled): I'll be right there!
Now having his thoughts cut off by something he, and everyone else could hear, the three who were conscious were all equally surprised to hear such a chipper response to the knock.
With one final moment of silence between them all, they all looked at each other to gauge one another's reaction as the door before them opened after the sound of its mechanical lock being manipulated.
Swung open, the one responsible for letting them in revealed themselves.
?: —Ah! Welcome home, Emilia-sama. I have eagerly awaited your arrival.
Grabbing her long, flowing black and white dress, the one welcoming them bowed.
Dressed in a maid outfit not unlike the one Rem and Ram wore themselves, this particular variant was different in that its dress part was much longer, going all the way to the ankles rather than the upper thighs like it had on the twins.
As well as sporting longer, full length sleeves rather than the shoulders-less ones of the oni's as well, YN assumed the back was not exposed as well. Being much more reserved appearing though, it was still styled very similar to the ones that he and Subaru were familiar with, where all the same ruffles, patterns, and neatly tied bows usually found themselves.
It was not like the winter maid outfit or the "day off" maid-like dress Rem had worn, but—
That black dress under the white apron looks a lot like the one Subaru wore when that suspicious chef showed up here...
Subaru: —! W-Who—?
Wanting to ask what everyone else was thinking, Emilia cut off Subaru's question.
Emilia: —Oh.
Stepping next to this maid, Emilia gestured towards her while facing the three still in the doorway. At her side, the half-elf was clearly shorter than this maid, who by that measure was also taller than Subaru.
As Emilia did this though, the maid in question seemed to be somewhat caught off guard by the kind gesture Emilia was about to do.
Her light, golden colored hair, long and flowing, on pair in length with Emilia's own slightly swayed as she turned her head to the silver haired girl now at her side. Her figure was very much like Emilia's own as well, with long, sleek legs and arms, whereas her maid uniform remained identical to Rem's own in how she filled out the chest area.
Emilia: This is—
Putting together the visual cues and circumstances, YN had begun to make an educated guess at who this golden haired maid was.
YN: —Frederica, right?
Emilia's introduction was cut off by YN, who now had all eyes on him at his bold, and very much unexpected answer.
Rem's spoken about her before... There was a maid who went on leave of absence a little while before Subaru and I showed up here... Just based on what little Rem has said about her, this has to be her. There's no other conclusion.
Frederica (?): My, I must say I am rather surprised that someone who is a stranger to me is familiar with myself.
Without really thinking, YN had flatly assumed and blurted out his thoughts. His mind was wrapped up in once more realizing how much of an oracle Rem's presence was to him still. There was now a pattern of how their relationship and the things they shared were helping him adapt in a world where she had never existed.
It was only after the maid responded though did he realize what he had done must have been rude. But with an amused expression and demeanor, the maid continued.
Frederica: —But you are correct. I am Frederica Baumann, —a maid in service to Margrave Roswaal L. Mathers, returning to duty from the leave she was granted.
Smiling widely as she introduced herself formally, she showed what was now her most clearly defining feature—
Subaru: —S-Scary face!
—her mouthful of razor sharp, shark-like teeth.
Emilia: Subaru you know better than to say something like that to a girl!
Frederica: Emilia-sama, really I am not offended.
In the midst of his scolding, Subaru was currently on the floor, prostrating himself.
Emilia: I'm sorry but I can't let this go unsaid!
As the enraged half-elf turned back to his wayward traveling companion, YN sat at the tea room's couch, a freshly brewed cup of tea in his hands. To his side laid Rem, still peacefully sleeping as she rested her head next to his lap on one of the plush pillows that decorated the room.
Emilia: People who say bad things like that still need to apologize! And all the more if you hurt someone's feelings. I'm correct, aren't I?
Asking this rhetorical question to the one on the floor, Subaru raised his head as YN bitterly took a sip of the tea he was given, not wishing to be rude.
Subaru: *Sigh* You're more than correct, I was being an ass...
Moving on his knees to face the golden haired maid that towered above him even if he stood on his tiptoes, Subaru lowered his head to the floor one more time.
Subaru: Please forgive me for blurting out something so terrible right when we first meet. I'll accept any punishment you or Emilia-tan deem fit.
Hearing his sincere apology and regret in his voice, Emilia turned to the maid, halfway worrying he'd accept a punishment too severe.
Emilia: Frederica... Ummm.. I don't know how to put it but... Subaru isn't a bad person, —really!
Almost becoming visible flustered, the half-elf's worry was beginning to show.
Emilia: It is true he has a habit of saying whatever comes to his mind first, but—
Frederica: Tee-hee!
Emilia: ...Frederica?
Cocking her head, the silver haired girl questioned now why it was the maid was laughing to herself.
Frederica: You two are quite amusing.
Also picking his head up at this, Subaru looked on with curiosity as well, all while YN continued to take strained sips of tea.
Frederica: For Emilia-sama to make excuses for him right after scolding him, I find that adorable to say the least. But I am not angry whatsoever.
YN: Emilia-sama usually gives Subaru special treatment like this, you'll see plenty of it I'm sure.
Frederica: I'm sure I'll still find it charming for the foreseeable future at least.
Laughing more, the golden haired maid's smile was bright and wide, but, she had used her hand to shield it from view.
Huh, she said she's not mad, but here she is covering up what Subaru had pointed out.
Not wishing to realize the pun he had narrated to himself in his mind, YN took another labored sip of tea while Subaru breathed a sigh of relief and picked himself up off the floor. As he did, Subaru had taken an extra opportunity to apologize to Emilia, and while he did, Frederica turned to YN, who she could tell had noticed her hand, and replied with a hushed voice.
Frederica: Normally I do a much better job at concealing it, but seeing everyone return safely... I feel it simply excited me too much.
Before YN could reply though, Subaru had turned back to the maid, seeking to satisfy his curiosity.
Subaru: There was one other thing I wanted to ask actually... I thought I had heard there was another maid that had recently quit...
YN: I heard something similar from Rem. About three months or so before we were hired on?
Emilia: That sounds about right... I had only been at the Mansion for about that long too... I can't really recall how Ram was able to handle everything on her own...
Otto: Well, if what YN-san is anything to go by, it was Rem-san who made up the difference.
Finally speaking up for himself, the merchant reiterated what he had been told by YN not even an hour prior. As the four went in a round of replies to one another in quick succession, they all turned to Frederica for an answer, who did so with a bashful expression.
Frederica: 'Quit' is not entirely truthful...
YN: I think you mentioned 'returning from leave.' Rem didn't really elaborate on anything more specific, but she didn't make it sound like you were gone permanently.
Frederica: I was given leave by Roswaal-sama to attend to some personal matters... However my return is much earlier than I had anticipated.
Each recalling the reason they believed why it was she was called back, Subaru surmised it was due to wanting emergency backup given the circumstances revolving around the Witch Cult, while YN took another angle on it.
It has to be a reflection on the fact Rem's existence in this world was erased. Subaru, Ram, and I don't have the skills to keep up with the Mansion's needs, so Nee-sama probably called her out of the need for reality to fill the gap left by Rem's absence.
Frederica: I of course returned when asked. Arriving here, the outside looked very orderly and well kept, so it was a surprise when the inside looked so neglected, especially in regard to the kitchen... Had I realized Ram would struggle so much on her own, I may not have left.
Bingo.
Having felt his theory was now proven correct, it made all the sense in the world to YN.
Emilia: YN is primarily responsible for the gardens, so that explains why the outside looked much nicer than inside...
The outside is something only I take care of now. The inside is a mix of all four of us, but Rem definitely does the lion's share. Take her out of the equation, and it all falls flat, especially if you apply that logic to the kitchen, a place only Rem deals with.
Emilia: —I just don't recall things being that bad before Subaru and YN arrived here... How did it go so bad so quick—?
Halting her words, Emilia weakly smiled at the two sitting across from her on opposite couch.
As YN gently brushed the Sleeping Beauty's azure hair with his fingers, the topic had finally reached the subject of the Oni in the room.
Emilia: —Ram was not always alone.
YN: Since her existence was removed from this world, so were all the efforts she put into it.
Subaru: Hence why Frederica said it looked so rough when she got here...
Frederica: I just find it all very... bizarre. Ram said she'd be able to manage on her own before I went on my leave. But my own intuition tells me I shouldn't have accepted that...
Finding it puzzling in her mind, YN tried to explain why that was.
YN: That unfortunately was the work of the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony. His power it seems is to eat people's 'names,' which makes others forget about them. He can also eat 'memories' which turns that person amnesiac, but others do remember them. And when both are eaten it seems—
Frederica: —They gain the symptom of Sleeping Beauty. I have heard of the affliction before, however I've never been aware of it being in conjecture with these memory lapses. That must be why I was content with Ram's 'managing' excuse... It may have never occurred that way.
Subaru: ...Or, she really did say that and only meant to hand it all back off to you once you returned.
With all in attendance who knew of Ram's character finding that somewhat amusing, YN sighed as well.
YN: Admittedly, that assessment of Nee-sama is dead accurate.
While YN had thought nothing of what he had just said, the title of which he had obviously referred to as being Ram had caught the golden haired maid completely off guard.
Wishing to inquire on why he chose to call her that of all things, Emilia had beat her to being the one to speak next.
Emilia: I do have to agree with Frederica too, my own memory doesn't recall the Mansion being untidy at all. Had it been that bad since she left, that would have meant we'd all have been living in that for a reeeeaaally long time now.
Frederica: Y-Yes. I find my memory hard to trust as well now. E-Especially in regards to this one.
Looking down at Rem now, the maid carefully analyzed her, taking in every little detail. Her voice somewhat shook about as she had finally been given an opportunity to ask about this girl, especially given her resemblance to the one YN had just referred to as "Nee-sama."
Unsure of how to begin her question, there was a brief pause in the flow of the discussion, letting a moment of silence interject, with only the sound of Otto's tea cup slightly clinking against his plate to break the still air.
Frederica: She does look a lot like Ram... Identical almost, if not for the hair color difference... They look like two twins who would get along amazingly well.
As someone who had known and worked with Ram for many years, Frederica couldn't shake the surreal feeling it was to see someone who could be Ram's near mirror copy of a twin. Yet to her, somehow it looked as if they were meant to be twins. She could vaguely guess at how their mannerism may play off one another.
YN: They are twins, and they did get along. —Very well in fact...
His voice trailing off as he answered, the sadness in his chest was once more taking center stage in his emotions. As memories of Rem and Ram's sisterly clique brought back painfully happy thoughts, Frederica replied, fully aware of the change in demeanor YN now had.
Frederica: I see. It is unfortunate I do not recall her.
Shrugging slightly in reply, YN answered back.
YN: That's normal though... No one remembers her. All except for me and Subaru, that is.
Emilia: It is strange that it is that way... But we would sooner find a cure for her before we'd learn of why it is only you two are able to recall her...
With even Emilia aware it was pointless to daunt on such an unknown, another silence fell on the group. Feeling somewhat responsible for that though, Frederica, seeing the pain grow ever more in YN's eyes as he gazed down at the fragile Sleeping Beauty next to him, spoke up. Hoping to offer any sort of hospitality she could, the maid offered an opportunity to excuse himself from the group should he desire that.
Frederica: Perhaps it would be best if Rem could rest in a proper bed. May I lead you to a suitable one for her?
Thinking Rem would probably be too uncomfortable simply lying on a couch for this long now, YN obliged.
YN: That would be a good idea I think. Thank you.
Setting his half-finished cup of tea aside, YN admittedly was thankful to be free from it as he gently scooped Rem up in his arms.
The tea Frederica made isn't bad... It's just not Rem's tea...
Gesturing for him to follow, YN accompanied the golden-haired maid whilst he held the azure-haired one.
YN turned back once in the doorway, nodding to his companions he'd return quickly to discuss more things.
Giving him a gentle wave in response, Emilia nodded in reply.
But now gone from the room, she held her hand that had waved to her chest, covering her heart.
I hope YN is alright... I hate seeing so much sadness loom over him...
Frederica: —I should also mention; thank you, YN-sama, for how well you have kept the outside appearance of the Mansion. I will need to thank Subaru-sama as well for protecting everyone from the Witch Cult attack, —which I am sure I have you to thank for that as well.
As the two had departed from the tea room, Frederica had made small talk along the way, which after the first flight of stairs upward, had turned into asking YN's take on the events that had led up to where they were now.
YN: I appreciate the recognition, but really, there's no need to praise me with such a high honorific... We're practically co-workers.
Checking on the condition of a potential room for Rem to stay in, Frederica found it was unsatisfactory, shut the door, and proceeded down the hall to the next available guest room while she responded.
Frederica: I must say, I find that sentiment odd considering the one you referred to as 'Nee-sama' earlier was Ram.
Pointing out a flaw in YN's logic, she went on as the two walked down the hallway together, Rem still in YN's arms.
Frederica: Am I mistaken?
Somewhat skulking, YN answered her.
YN: That's different... She gave me special permission to call her that, —and I only originally picked it up from Rem.
Raising one of her thick, bushy golden brows at hearing that, Frederica voiced her surprise.
Frederica: May I inquire then, how well does YN-sama get along with Ram? I'm astonished she'd let anyone call her that...
Looking down at the Sleeping Beauty in his arms, he let Frederica check one more room, also finding this one inadequate before he responded.
YN: Nee-sama, —Ram, entrusted me with Rem. She had a bit of a problem where she would take on too many things and would overwork herself physically, —a-and mentally. She knew Rem needed someone she could lean on, and with how Rem viewed her as the perfect older sister, Ram also knew she couldn't be that person to Rem...
As the two walked, Frederica put a hand to her chin as she responded.
Frederica: I think I can imagine the sentiment. But for Ram to entrust something like that to someone she had known only for such a short time... your relationship with Rem must have been a consideration in that.
Still with his eyes cast down at Rem, YN agreed with what the maid said.
It's true it was hard for Ram to ask that of me, yet here we are.
Frederica: —I would imagine you and Rem must have been very close to prompt such a request to begin with. Especially given how close you now hold her and how you change the way you speak when you talk about her.
Feeling only a pinch of embarrassment knowing he was being read so well, YN sighed as he knew there was no merit in trying to hide away the feelings that were obvious to all those around him.
YN: Rem and I... From the first time I ever saw her, I knew she was the kindest, most compassionate person in the world. She came into my life at a strange time, but at a time I needed her the most. She really didn't trust me at first though, being an outsider and what have you. But after an incident in the village of Arlem involving some mabeasts, I gained that trust, and whole lot more.
Hearing the emotion on his voice, Frederica hadn't quite realized just how deeply the two might have been invested in one another.
Frederica: I see. Fate seems to have pushed you two closer?
YN: You could say that maybe. Sure. But eventually things became more intimate between us. She had a lot of guilt in her heart for things that had happened between us, —things I wished she would forgive herself of, but I always felt that even though those things happened, it made us stronger in the end. Our love was tragic, but I wouldn't have asked for it to be any other way.
Feeling her own heart strings tugged at, Frederica hadn't prepared herself for how intense of an emotion she was going to see from YN. Though she had only known him for the better half of an hour, she felt as if she was gaining insight into a person who seldom let these sorts of things be so elaborated on.
But as it seemed his thoughts and answers were trailing off as the pain in his chest caused by Rem's loss were intensifying once more, Frederica briefly changed the subject.
Frederica: Please forgive me for interrupting, but does YN-sama think this room is sufficient?
Gesturing towards another inconspicuous door of the Mansion, YN knew by simple location this one was significant.
YN: This room? Here?
Frederica: Yes... I believe YN-sama's room is not far down the hall, correct? The one with an additional desk in the room?
While YN had no furniture or decorations or any other possessions worth noting in his room, it simply being described as having a desk was a spot on enough description to know it was a correct one.
Frederica: While this is an unused staff quarters room, currently it is the best spare bedroom that is clean enough for a resident.
Opening the door and heading inside, YN slowly followed the maid into the familiar room.
The once nicely kept and cleaned furniture he remembered was gone. Actually, no, they weren't gone. The wood planked floor did not give a clue as to anything having been there in the first place. But of course that was the case, given the circumstances. All that remained was a bed with a nightstand, and a single chair.
Still holding the one he loved, he stepped in and looked towards the windows. Gone were the blue drapes that had once adorned these panes of glass, much like the usual faint smell he couldn't describe that had lingered in this room before. It was fresh and familiar, and it carried an air of comfort for himself in its scent, which now only remained on Rem herself.
YN had always felt it was an exotic experience when he entered this room as he originally remembered it. He had only been in here a handful of times before as a resident at the Mansion, but every time he did, a crescendo of thoughts and wonders always had filled his mind. What sorts of things did she have hidden away? If he were to go delving around in her belongings, would he find wholesome things? Cute and sincere. Or would he find small treasures she might have hidden away out of embarrassment? Just being in her room used to give him such an unbridled opportunity into the depths of the mind and personality of the one he adored more than anyone else. He knew that he was familiar with her better than anyone else at this juncture, yet the idea of finding out more about her was just so alluring, he could never shake the feeling.
Lost in thought, Frederica had stayed silent, thinking YN was determining if the room was in fact adequate for the Sleeping Beauty to stay in. Finally bringing himself back, YN turned to face the bed that was no longer Rem's. Gently laying her down, he removed his hands out from underneath her, signaling he was okay with Rem staying here.
Pulling the chair over, YN planted himself onto it as he sat by Rem's side, and as he did, Frederica stood by his side, also looking down at the blue haired girl now peacefully resting in bed.
YN: It's poetic you'd choose this room.
Flatly breaking the silence, YN finally voiced his familiarity with the space, and why it was ironic this was the room for Rem to stay in now.
Frederica: I'm afraid I don't understand. This is simply one of the few unused rooms that I had been given the opportunity to clean before your arrival. Can you elaborate on why you feel this way?
YN: This used— is Rem's room, just a few down from mine, between mine and Subaru's.
Reaching a hand to her chest at hearing that, Frederica found herself feeling impacted again in such a short period of time.
Frederica: I... I must apologize. Although I do not doubt YN-sama's record of the truth, it is just a lot of information to process.
Sighing, YN hoped he wasn't overwhelming the poor maid having been back so soon.
YN: I'm really sorry... I know it must be pretty jarring to find out so much in such a short time.
Frederica: No, I am thankful YN-sama is willing to say as much as he is, especially about Rem.
Turning as she said this, Frederica walked towards the door, and standing in its frame, continued.
Frederica: Ram's little sister may as well be my own.
Smiling brightly as she said this, her sharp teeth were on full display for YN to see before he turned his gaze back to the girl before him. Misinterpreting his change of gaze though, Frederica raised a hand to her mouth as her smile faded.
Frederica: Please forgive me, I did not mean to depart whilst giving you such an unsightly display.
Speaking as if shunning herself, the maid bowed as she did.
But, waving away her concern while keeping his longing gaze aimed at Rem, his heart now low, YN hoped to quell the golden haired girl's shame.
YN: I can promise you I'm not bothered by it. You don't need to hide them around me. I don't understand why Subaru called them scary... Admittedly though, I like them. It's uniquely yours and they're cute.
Frederica: —!
Quickly raising her bowed head, the maid silently gasped to herself as her face turned a shade of scarlet, all of which went unseen by YN, who was still longingly looking upon the one who held his heart.
YN: —I probably only think that though because Rem has two tiny fangs of her own.
As quickly as she had been flattered though, Frederica could see the source of his melancholy compliment was still the girl he professed having such intense feelings over. Regaining her composure, she straightened her back.
I think I understand what YN-sama is wishing to convey. He does not wish for me to think ill of Subaru-sama. And since YN-sama is also aware that I was potentially close to Rem as well, he doesn't wish for me to think badly of myself either.
Smiling warmly at his sincere intentions, Frederica put a hand over her chest as she closed her eyes.
Rem's friend is a friend of mine too, even if I may have forgotten about her.
Once more gaining insight into YN, Frederica could tell he genuinely cared for Rem, going as far to help secure and maintain the connections she had to others from before her erasure. Hoping to help him do that now, Frederica responded candidly.
Frederica: I only cover my smile out of habit. Most do in fact dislike seeing it, especially at first. Many describe my teeth as 'scary.'
Hearing that, YN felt obliged to say why he hadn't felt that way.
YN: The few times I've seen Rem summon forth her horn, and use the gifts bestowed to her by her oni blood, it did scare me at first. Those two little fangs of her would grow longer... her nails too. She'd get this look of fanaticism in her eyes I'll never forget. I've seen it take the forms of anger, desperation, or even lust.
Gently brushing Rem's hair to the side as he said that, YN went on.
YN: The two times I've seen her lose complete control of herself, it was incredibly scary. But even while she thrashed about, potentially being able to harm, or even kill me, I thought she was beautiful nonetheless.
Frederica: At this juncture, I should not be surprised to learn you too are privy to her origin, whom I presume is shared with Ram's own.
Having stated he was familiar with the fact that both Rem and Ram were not human, but oni, Frederica's belief in what YN said deepened. While she had never seen Ram's non-existant horn, she could only imagine that Rem may still have hers if she truly were a twin.
But having discussed so much about the one thing that now invigorated such a sadness in his chest, YN fell completely silent as he reached out and held the Sleeping Beauty's hand. Seeing this, Frederica knew what he needed now most of all, was space.
Frederica: I will leave YN-sama to his privacy. Please come call for me should you need anything. I am going to go see if Subaru-sama was successful in locating Beatrice-sama.
Gently shutting the door behind her, he and Rem were finally left alone, a feeling YN now felt applied to the whole world around him.
YN: It's just me and you now...
Without a reply, YN lightly squeezed the hand of hers he still held, if only out of the pain he felt since she was unable to respond or reply.
Alone, he mulled over his thoughts. The topics of Sanctuary, what kind of person Frederica is, why she was here now, and of other things Rem had told him in the past that were now finally becoming important again.
YN thought of all the things he wished he could ask Rem now in hopes to help speed things along. He longed to know how they could better navigate this trail they now had to follow. He wanted nothing more than to know her input.
More it seemed, Rem's memories of what she had told YN were an oracle of sorts.
Yet compared to any of that, the simple desire to just speak with her, regardless of what it was about, far exceeded everything else.
YN: Rem... I just wish I could talk to you... Just one more time...
Knowing exactly what he'd say given the chance, tears had broken through his eyes, and down his face they fell. Now that he was alone, he had no reason to keep it bottled inside any longer.
YN: I love you so much Rem... I'm so sorry I never got the chance to say it back.
Moved past words by his tears, YN stayed by the Sleeping Beauty's bedside, remorseful over her state with his broken heart.
I really am alone in this world now.