Flummoxed. That's a word she never used, but somehow seemed apropos. Perplexed and astounded fit the bill too, but certainly not put off. There was no way things were as bleak as he painted them and there was only one way to find out. Something in her couldn't accept it. It was so bizarre. How could he go from being so warm and open with her to whatever that just was? It didn't make any sense.

Anna came around the counter to wave Daisy off and bid her a Merry Christmas, but her heart certainly wasn't in it. Grabbing a towel and the window cleaner, she scrubbed every surface until it shined.

Normally a good old rage-cleaning would quiet her mind, but this one just kept the wheels in motion. Something didn't compute. One moment they were learning about each other, sharing stories and gently flirting. Then in a flash it was as if a steel wall dropped in front of his eyes and closed him off to her. The more she mulled it over, he gave her every encouragement. Didn't he? After all of the time she spent daydreaming about what he would be like, she was finally sat face to face with him and he made no indication that he was uncomfortable or had someplace else to be, nor did he seem to want to be anywhere other than right there with her. He had sat with her, gave her his full attention, listened and shared.

She couldn't remember spending time with a man who was so attentive that wasn't just trying to tick off the right amount of boxes it would take for her to give him what he really was after all along. The whole exchange felt so genuine and encouraging, she felt sure he would accept an offer to spend more time with her, so she took the chance. Now, she couldn't be more confused. She didn't think it was her that he was objecting to, especially not with the way he brought it back to himself. If she was someone with less confidence, she might've taken it very personally, but she knew better. At least, it took her a few swipes at the counter to realize that. What is he hiding? This was something that would bother her and when Anna Smith gets the bit between her teeth, she doesn't let go easily.

He let things go too far. In the space of thirty minutes he'd gone from cautious and guarded to the most uninhibited he'd ever been, at least in his nearest memory. She broke through his defenses and it was as if everything holding him back was suddenly irrelevant. It was like a spell she had over him, and she didn't even realize it. And then he remembered. That's why, John. You play with fire, you get burned. She could get burned. You're a weak fool.

If there was one thing to be said about being weak, he didn't know a better or scarier feeling. Being strong hurt like hell though. What was worse was that he couldn't help but notice how there weren't any Christmas carols booming from the floor above that night.

The Crawley's house was always so grand. It was more than a house, Anna supposed. It was the 'ancestral family estate passed down through generations of Crawleys,' or something like that, as Mary explained to her once. Downton Abbey, it was called. That was something she teased Mary about too. Aside from it just sounding elitist, she joked about naming houses and comparing it to the boys in school naming their cars. It was always good natured; she knew how much the home meant to her friend, and how much of a financial burden it could be in upkeep.

"It's a good thing your family is rich then," she had teased.

Never one to mince words, Mary just told her to shut up and added an elbow nudge for good measure.

It really was beautifully done. It always was. Cora and Robert always went out of their way to 'deck the halls,' and this year was no exception. The house was gleaming inside and out for the whole season. The Crawley's were good to Anna. She was always welcome in their home, so much so that she was nearly family. She would be forever grateful for their open arms, and it did feel good to be back for the holidays again.

"It's about time we finally got you here, we were starting to get offended," Mary's voice rang over the music into the foyer.

"No you weren't, and you see me all the time." Anna turned and smirked at her friend.

"Yes, but it's Christmas, darling. We've missed you." She leveled a look at Anna, heavy with meaning. They greeted each other warmly, kissing both cheeks. "Now, give me that coat and go get yourself a drink, Tom's been working on some new cocktails."

"If I try one, I'm counting on you to scrape me off the floor in an hour."

Mary hummed. "I'm not sure how much help I'll be if I'm on the carpet right next to you, but I'm sure someone will toss us a pillow."

Anna's groan was quickly drowned out by the sound of tapping on the wood floors. Before she saw the source, she already knew who was coming and dropped to her knees.

"Isis, come here my love!" The dog's long tail swished and whacked against her as she wiggled in circles. Anna gave her rump a good scratch as Isis rumbled in satisfaction. "I know, I know, I've missed you too."

"Oh goodness!" Anna gasped. Nearly taking out half of the lower-hanging decorations in the entry, Isis' tail took on a life of its own. Anna reached out to steady a bobbling vase on the bottom shelf of a table. "That was a close one, girl," she whispered. "You'd better take it easy before you destroy the priceless artifacts. That thing is probably Ming Dynasty or some such."

"Oh that old thing?" Cora breezed in, tossing a pair of kid's shoes at the closet. "Mama always hated it. She says it was a wedding present from a 'dreadful Aunt.' We put it there hoping some tragedy would befall it, but here we are." She shooed the dog away and reached a hand to help Anna to her feet. "It's lovely to see you here, darling, we've missed you."

Mary raised an eyebrow at her before shaking her head and chucking the shoes fully into the closet with a flourish. She made a silent exit into the party.

"I'm hearing that a lot," now she was blushing, "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to impose…"

"Don't be silly. We just love you and there's always a place for you here. Now get on and mingle."

Anna watched as Cora whirled out just the same as she came in. She paused for a moment to settle herself. She really did feel bad now for ducking out on this family for the past few years. It wasn't like she was spending her time with her own family, that ship sailed a lifetime ago. If she was being honest with herself, it was mostly Alex that disapproved of her attachment to this family. He was long gone by now, as an ex should be, but his shadow still crept up, and always when it was most unwanted. Sharing her time with this family was always a point of contention, as far as he was concerned, and it always cost more in guilt afterwards. Even if he was there, because he was always invited, his petulance was on full display. And whenever he wasn't there, he made sure to make her feel as if they only wanted her out of pity. It broke her heart to admit it, but there's only so many times you can hear something before you begin to believe it. The more time passed, the more it didn't sit right with her about adopting another family to spend her holidays with. Even if she was with them often enough, it felt like an imposition to her no matter what they said or did. That was a feeling she wished she could shake. The last thing she'd ever intended was to hurt anyone's feelings.

In the time "after" Alex, Mary made it her mission to be something of a matchmaker. "Move on," she had said. "Just because he was a dud doesn't mean they're all duds." That may be true, but she knew she wasn't ready for anything like that at that point. Of course, she would never outright tell Mary that all of the options she picked for her were also duds. Nothing would fuel her fire more, and that's probably why she hadn't produced anyone out of the woodwork to try to pair her off with already.

Brushing her hands down her dress, she took a deep breath and wished, not for the first time, that she could've shown off for John. Showing up with him on her arm would've quieted Mary for a bit too. Wherever he was, however, she hoped he was having a good time. "Oh well," she sighed and stepped off to join the party.

George and Sybbie thundered through with a Marigold tottering behind, trying desperately to keep pace with her older cousins. Every tray of treats became a stopping point for the herd, who snatched and grabbed as many as they could before they continued on, ducking under tables and spinning between bodies.

"Anna! It's about time we see you here! What'll it be, Eggnog Cocktail or Cranberry Sour?" Tom shouted from his spot behind the bar.

Everyone turned from all their respective places to greet her. Sybil sat on the couch next to Edith, with her feet curled up under her. In what looked like a contest to gain more sympathy from being more pregnant between the two of them, Edith, looked like she had the upper hand. Rubbing her belly with one hand while groaning to Bertie about her swollen ankles, Edith definitely took the medal. Meanwhile Sybil muttered something to Tom about wanting to greet Anna, if it weren't for being beached like a whale. She settled for a shout instead.

"Have a Cranberry Sour for me, would you?" Sybil chirped from the couch.

"Do as milady says," Anna answered as she turned to greet Elsie and Charles who made their way over to her.

Taking in the room, all the familiar faces were there. Robert, always the life of the party, was making his rounds just as Cora bustled through again with another tray of hors d'oeuvres.

Matthew hung back near Tom, a safe distance away to watch the sparring from his mother and Violet. The latter, several glasses of champagne in, was firmly planted in her usual chair next to the smaller sofa. The year Isabel had referred to it as a throne, after they'd been in their cups and gearing up for their usual match of wits, was infamous. From that point on they would all be hard pressed not to continue calling it a throne where Violet could overhear it. As per usual, Rosamund valiantly played referee to them both, but was frequently ineffective. Even if she could inject a bit of perspective or logic, it often was dismissed as soon as it was voiced. And so, as it always was, her input would be reduced to exasperated scoldings of "Oh, Mama!"

Not surprisingly, Phyllis and Joe were found with their heads together chattering and blushing simultaneously. It was quieter and calmer by the piano, Anna almost didn't see them there. After years of tip-toeing around each other, it warmed her heart that Joe finally made his move. Everyone knew they were mad for each other. Everyone except themselves, that is.

"Anna, dear, it is so lovely to see you here for Christmas," Elsie greeted her with a kiss.

"Hear! Hear!" Charles rumbled as he pulled her in for a hug. "It's always that much brighter when you're here."

"You all make it as if I didn't just see you last week," Anna laughed. "But, thank you. I am very glad to be here."

Before they could say much more a hush came over the room. Robert, rushed in. "I think I heard something outside just now!"

Sybbie was the first of the children to appear, tumbling out from under the longest table. "Is Santa here?!" she shouted.

"Santa!?" George's voice was muffled, but no less excited as he crawled out from a table in the corner.

"Danda?" Marigold was also excited. Held within her mothers grasp, her little legs stomped, knowing something good was happening and didn't want to miss out.

"Well, I don't know," Robert feigned ignorance, "but…" Just then a thump was heard loud enough near the front door to make the children gasp. "You'd better go and see!"

"Yeah!" The kids shouted and ran, joined by an equally excited Isis, skidding around furniture and corners alike until the foyer rang out with the telltale cheers of joy that only a visit from Father Christmas could produce.

Mary floated next to Anna, nursing a cocktail.

Anna tilted her head towards her friend. "I see nothing has changed. I can't believe you guys are still doing this."

"Of course darling, tradition is tradition." Mary shrugged.

"Of course." Anna rolled her eyes. "Tradition can't be the excuse for every weird thing you do."

Mary just smiled.

Anna looked around the room and took note once again of who was in attendance and something didn't add up. From what she could tell, everyone was accounted for. Who is Santa this year?

It always seemed just a little bit silly, but for as long as she could remember, Santa always made an appearance at the Crawley Christmas Party. Santa himself wasn't the oddity. The fact that Santa's identity changed hands every year through the men of the family was also a quirk, but even that wasn't it. Even though the natural choice for the role was Charles; aside from his fondness for the part, his soft middle and deep warm tones lent themselves perfectly, as opposed to the slight frame and jocular, accented manner of Tom. It made no difference; every man would take a turn. This was a tradition that demanded the participation of all: no exceptions. Young or old, enthusiastic and believing, or curmudgeonly as could be, everyone in attendance had a part to play, and if your part wasn't Santa himself, you sat on Santa's lap. In all, it really was great fun and pure silliness, but a grown adult taking a turn to sit on Santa's knee in front of a full room was wholly humbling.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" From the front of the house a deep voice sounded heartily, rising above the chatter, whoops and barks from the children and Isis.

Robert barged into the foyer to rescue the poor soul who was undoubtedly trapped in the doorway. His voice echoed through the house over the murmurings of everyone inside.

"Santa! Oh what a welcome surprise! We weren't sure you were going to make it this year, I heard there were blizzard conditions up at the North Pole, but just as always, you made a miracle happen!"

"Laying it on a little thick this year, though," Mary muttered out the side of her mouth.

"Maybe it's the eggnog doing the talking?" Anna offered.

"No doubt."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" the mystery voice continued. "Me? Miss a Crawley party? I couldn't stand for that! Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Robert swept the children into the room ahead of them. The whirl of activity obscured everyone's vision to anything other than flashes of red, swishes of a dog's tail and children bounding in circles. Robert flailed, drink in hand, to guide their visitor into the fray. The classic black boots thumped gently onto the rug and a giant velvet bag was slung over his shoulder, further blocking his identity.

"Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, taking time out from his busy schedule and coming all the way from the North Pole, I'd like you all to give a warm welcome to our dearest friend, Santa Claus!" Robert clapped as best he could with a glass in hand, circling the room to whip up as much holiday cheer as he could. He swooped in behind Violet, squeezing her shoulders, "Mama, I'm afraid you'll have to abdicate the throne. Come now, onto the sofa." He patted her shoulder for good measure as she harrumphed and took her place regally beside the couch. Snorts and chuckles rang out from everyone within earshot.

Anna stood wondering. She was truly confused. It wouldn't do any good to ask who this Santa was this year, especially when she was just shy of finding out for herself. Nevertheless, her mind raced.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Thank you my dear friend," Santa bellowed merrily. As Robert presented him with Violet's chair. "Well now, everyone, thank you for your warm welcome! Ho! Ho! Ho! And now, I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas!" He situated his bag and turned, finally looking out across the whole of the room.

Anna gasped.

There was no mistaking the sparkle in those eyes, or the way they crinkled around the edges.

In a second their eyes met. The cheeks that were so merry and bright, suddenly became an even brighter rosy red. His jaw dropped as he plopped into his seat.

John.

AN: I feel I should apologize for taking an entire year to crank out one chapter. I promised myself I'd finish this completely though before the New Year. That remains to be seen. I guess I have Covid and respiratory infections and kids ear infections to thank for that. *insert eye roll here*

I'll do my best. Merry Christmas to anyone reading!