Chapter 145: I Still Miss Someone
YN: Why are there so many damn candles in here? Algol, can you hand me the trimmer?
Algol: Yeah!
On the ladder YN already didn't feel entirely safe on, he was put to work maintaining the candles meant for the Coronation of Knighthood that would be occurring later this evening.
Passing him up his tool, YN used the specialty device to trim the wick on these higher up, lit candles.
YN: What a pain...
With this just being another of the many differences between his world and his old one, YN gingerly descended the ladder and moved it over slightly, so he could reach the next set of lit candles.
Ascending the steps, YN trimmed four of the five before him, but as he trimmed the fifth...
YN: Damn it.
He had trimmed too low, and had killed the flame.
YN: I'm sorry, Algol could you pass me another match? I went too low on this one too.
On any candles he either would accidently blow out, or trim the wicks too low and the flame would die, YN would need to relight them.
Algol: Aniki~~, I told you already, we ran out. You keep messing them up!
YN: *Sigh* I guess I'll go ask Ram for more. I'm sure she'll scold me for using so many, but if I don't get this trimming done soon, all the wicks are going to bend over and burn the candles in an ugly way...
Algol: Ya know... If you just tried using your Yang magic to light them again, I'm sure you wouldn't need any matches at all.
Once more suggesting this course of action, YN was once bitten, twice shy.
YN: I am not ruining another set of candles if I screw that up again. We're lucky Emilia-sama understood our situation with that and volunteered to get us replacements so we wouldn't get yelled at for that...
Algol: That was just a fluke! I'll control the mana better this time, I promise!
Never really ever having to trim candle wicks before, when YN had first tried after being given this task, most of the candles he had tried to trim went out, which had made him use a great number of matches initially to relight them.
It was at Algol's suggestion that he try using a very, very minor Jiwald to reignite the wick. However, with this magic being the first the duo had cast since Algol had gained this new form, this "very minor" Jiwald was anything but.
YN: There were five backup candles, and we had to use all of them after I melted each one into a puddle of wax. We're just lucky none of it got on the rugs...
Crossing her arms, Algol shrugged.
Algol: What kind of super fancy rich people mansion only has five back up candles when they've got like, a thousand out to be lit?
In only the few days she'd be conscious, Algol's personality was really coming into its own as she became more familiar with everyone. She knew when to be courteous and soft-spoken when she had to be, but when she needn't be, a much more robust tone was her preferred choice, and at times, she'd not hesitate to gain an air of potent smugness if she could.
YN: *Sigh...* It looks like we'll have to try your way then...
Holding his palm up to the smoking but unlit candle wick, YN took another deep breath and concentrated.
Algol: Don't worry Aniki, it'll be fiiiine. I'll do a better job at controlling the amount of mana coming out of your Gate this time, but you need to not create a vacuum for it all to rush to at once, gotcha?
Partially blaming YN for the demand of mana he had pulled out, he only shook his head at that.
YN: Just concentrate, alright? I'll trust you this time.
Algol: You should trust me every time, Aniki.
With that smugness to her, YN did his best to relight the candle now.
YN: Jiwald.
With a spark of heat and light being emitted by his palm, it was akin to using the bright sun above and a magnifying glass to start a very small fire.
As the flame took hold of the wick, the normal sized flame returned.
Wiping his brow, YN was thankful this was a success.
YN: *Phew...* I'm glad that worked.
Algol: And you doubted me.
Shrugging again as she said that, YN went to move his ladder again, but as he did—
?: Oi, YN.
Beckoning his name, he turned to see someone dressed in a knight's regalia being the one to do that.
YN: Wowie, look at you. They gave you a sword and everything. Maybe if we dyed your hair purple you could pass for Julius.
Subaru: Bleh... I'll pass on that offer. Besides, he's got nothing on me handsome charm.
Striking a pose as he finished saying that, Algol couldn't help but try and poorly contain a laugh.
Subaru, with the task he had now, was forced to ignore the small spirit's jab at him, and instead cleared his throat.
Subaru: We had the dress rehearsal and I'll be honest, I didn't want to take it back off... But anyway, I actually came here on Frederica's request. Some of the guests arrived early, and they left the front door open and a breeze blew out nearly all the candles in the foyer. I just need a match to relight them.
Algol: Oh sure. Here ya go.
Pulling out a moderately half-full book of matches, the small pink-haired girl graciously handed Subaru a few.
Subaru: Perfect. Thanks Algol-chan.
As YN saw this though, he nearly fell off his ladder.
YN: I thought you said we were out?!
Turning to look back up at YN with a smug expression, Algol's grin turned into a head-shake.
Algol: How else was I supposed to convince Aniki to try magic again? It's more convenient, right?
It was hard for YN to admit she was wrong, but he definitely had to agree. Stepping down off the ladder again, it was now that Subaru commented on what he was doing.
Subaru: Trimming wicks, eh? I never even knew that was a thing...
?: There you are, I suppose.
With a new person entering the conversation, they all turned to see her familiar sounding voice.
Algol: Beatrice-senpai!
Passing off the book of matches to Subaru, Algol practically skipped over to meet her fellow spirit.
Algol: I haven't seen you all day. Are you well?
Much more cordial with Beatrice, it reminded YN of how Rem would switch tones whenever Ram would enter the vicinity.
Beatrice: Betty is fine, her presence was just needed alongside Subaru's is all. So much fuss on the day of his knighting should be expected I suppose.
Replying to Algol, Subaru spoke again.
Subaru: You were looking for me though, Beako?
Beatrice: Yes. That half—, Emilia would like to practice the coronation gestures she'll be engaging in with you in the study where there is some peace and quiet from all this preparation.
Subaru: Ahh, gotcha. Well, I gotta help Frederica with one small thing first.
Waving around the matchbook, he went on.
Subaru: Why don't you go ahead and tell Emilia-tan I'll be right there.
Beatrice: Very well, there are many more books Betty would like to read in that study before we depart from here.
Just as Beatrice went to depart, Algol stepped to her side.
Algol: Beatrice-senpai! I finished those books you tasked me with! I'm ready for more.
Subaru: Wow, I bet she's further along in being able to read than you are already!
Taking a friendly jab at YN, he knew he wasn't wrong.
YN: Ahh, well, ya know... Things happen. Work.
YN pinned his lack of study on tasks he had to perform, but in reality—
—Rem isn't exactly able to tutor me anymore...
Not wishing to bring the mood down, it was Beatrice that spoke instead.
Beatrice: Algol's progress can be attested to the fact Betty is such a good instructor, in fact.
I think I'm learning where Algol is learning that smug behavior from...
With not much else, the two spirits joyfully headed off to the study on their own, leaving Subaru and YN alone.
YN: Ya know, I think we can stand to bring just one invention into this world from ours.
Saying this as he moved the ladder down to the next set of candles, he walked up the steps as Subaru replied.
Subaru: I thought you were against doing that sort of thing. If it's about Rem's wheelchair, I can get that though.
As YN began trimming these wicks, he too now answered.
YN: Well, there's that. But also these damn things.
Subaru: You mean the candles?
YN: Yeah. Ones that don't need trimming. It's apparently pretty easy to invent. I'd need to look at my phone's educational app again, but it did make me watch a video on them once. At one point, this was a thing in our world, but someone wised up and got tired of having to do this and figured out a way to avoid needing to do that so often.
Subaru: I thought this was a strange job... I'm glad Ram gave it to you and not me, or else I might have assumed she was pranking me... What exactly happens if you don't trim them?
YN: When the wick burns it'll curl over to one side, and it makes the candle wax get all lopsided. It'll ruin one prematurely, plus it looks bad.
Subaru: Well, we can't have that on the day of my coronation, can we?
YN: Not on my watch.
Thinking YN would sarcastically reply to his smug jab, Subaru questioned him on it as he rubbed his shoulder.
Subaru: Ya know it feels a bit selfish, but it could have been your day too.
Referring to what had been offered by Roswaal just a few days prior, it was what YN had turned down.
Subaru: Crusch has two knights in her camp too, and supposedly so does Priscilla.
The offer of knighthood had been extended to YN, but not to stick his head out too much, he has declined this title.
YN: I haven't earned that as much as you have. I didn't have a single hand in the subjugation of the White Whale, —not nearly as much as even Rem did, so I refuse to accept any credit for that. And I only played a minor role in you taking on the Witch Cult and Sloth right afterwards. I've done nothing 'knight-worthy.'
Subaru: You still don't think there's any benefit to just having the title for future use?
YN: Not really. The solution to my problems isn't something a knight can solve, Reinhard and his own mother's ailment is a testament to that. Besides, if it's just you being knighted, that makes sense. If Roswaal was going to do the same for me, it would just look like he's packing Emilia's camp to look more important. It would detract from how you've earned this.
Still earnest in his rejection, Subaru could only turn to leave with the matches in hand as he did.
Subaru: Well, everyone it seems is getting a title... Garf is Emilia-tan's body guard, Otto is Internal Affairs Administrator, I'm Emilia-tan's knight... Oh! I know!
Turning to face YN fully again as he walked backwards a few steps, Subaru had one final jab at him to make.
Subaru: Every knight needs a squire!
YN: That doesn't work so well when the squire is a lot stronger than the knight.
Not one to usually boast about combat prowess, Subaru knew YN's strength rivaled Garfiel's when push came to shove.
Subaru: Hmm, yeah you're right... Well, I'll think of something! Okay?
YN: I can't wait to hear what that might be.
Now giving him the sarcastic remark he had expected, Subaru took his leave at that, leaving YN to trim the countless candle wicks in this event hall.
Subaru: The big moment is getting closer and closer...
Dwelling in the rear of the event hall, away from everyone else, YN, Subaru, and one other attendee had their backs on the wall, waiting for the final declaration to be made.
There were dozens, if not hundreds of guests now in attendance for this event. Nobles, humans, demi-humans, even a few elves had shown up for this event. With the wide range of people here that YN could see, it made sense how Emilia could attract such a varying crowd. Every single sole was dressed up for the event as well, and the likes of Frederica and Petra, as well as other Miload Family servers and maids had spent a countless amount of time preparing all the food and all the other preparations that went into this event.
YN: Sure is crowded in here...
Subaru: Yeah... It's only making me more nervous the more I realize that.
Roswaal: And here I thought this was the moment you couldn't wait for.
As the third person with them, Roswaal had joined the two back here, standing against the back wall alongside them.
YN: Isn't it strange though we didn't wait to do this once the real Mansion was up and running? Why here?
Roswaal: Tis a strategic move. Annerose is the head of the Miload Family, which is an extension of the Mathers. Not only is she herself head-over-heels for Emilia-sama and wanted to host this, but her doing this shows a more broad range of support Emilia-sama has.
YN: It all comes down to optics...
Roswaal: Preciiiiiiiisely.
Subaru: Roswaal.
Now curtly turning to the Margrave, Subaru spoke.
Subaru: You only came over here because you had something to say to us, right?
Correctly guessing his purpose on being where he was, Roswaal wryly smiled and nodded, before turning his face more serious.
Roswaal: After all is said and done, my goal still is to reunite with my sensei.
Flatly, he said this.
YN: ...and just seeing her encased in the crystal at the end of her Tomb obviously isn't enough... You mean you really want to reunite with her. Body and soul and breath.
In rare form, Roswaal smiled warmly at YN as he shut his eyes and nodded.
Roswaal: That is my dearest wish.
Both silent to his words now, it was finally Subaru who spoke back up to continue this conversation.
Subaru: Is that even possible? It's going to be a tall enough task for YN to wake up Rem, but you've had way longer to try and figure out a way to get Echidna back...
Highlighting just how daunting of a goal that seemed to be, Roswaal replied.
Roswaal: Although the Tome of Wisdom is lost to me, and this Oath-mark binds my actions going forward, I have not abandoned my ambitions to see my Sensei again.
Subaru: ...But what now though? What's your next move?
Roswaal: Is it not simple to you both?
Getting closer to the two, Roswaal stepped away from the wall and got the three of them almost into a sports huddle as leaned in.
Roswaal: I will continue to keep an eye on the two of you.
Said with conviction, he now looked to Subaru.
Roswaal: Subaru-kun, it was you who took Emilia-sama's hand and proclaimed you would lead her to the Throne to fulfill her dream. An impossible amount of impossible tasks lay in your way of this yet you are dauntless towards what those may be, or what those have been. And as for YN-kun—
Now turning to YN, Roswaal went on.
Roswaal: You've taken on the nigh impossible task to pick up all the broken pieces dealt to you, despite the toll it might take upon yourself to keep forging forward.
It was now that Roswaal looked away from them, and glanced solely at whom he spoke of really.
With Ram at her side near the forefront of the large crowd, only visible from the single open aisle dividing the room, of whom Roswaal spoke of could be seen.
Despite all the immense colors of decorations and gowns and dresses, only the azure-blue of her hair stood out to him as YN too peered over to her, everything else being deary grays and washed out hues.
Keenly, YN stood where he did back here originally so he could stare at his beloved as much as he pleased. As his heart ached though, Roswaal went on.
Roswaal: It is an arduous task, and may even prove to make my own look easy in comparison. But the volume of this, to refuse to lose nothing more, is something that will hurt both of you immensely in the future.
Turning his gaze back to them, an emotion YN couldn't understand was present on Roswaal's face.
Roswaal: The both of you will lose things over and over again, and each time you get them back, you'll carry on with more invisible wounds, greater and more numerous then the ones already apparent on you. If I lost anything... I wouldn't hesitate to reduce everything to ashes... I won't compromise on this, and I know neither of you will either.
With a weak expression, Roswaal concluded what sounded more like an admittance of faith, rather than his next course of action.
Roswaal: There is not a doubt in my mind, that nothing else that will lead me back to Sensei than the painful path you both walk—
With the utmost degree of timing, the sound of heels taking elegant strides across the far end of the room echoed and halted Roswaal's words.
Before YN even had to look for himself, Subaru's flushed expression and silent gasp told him exactly who it was that had taken center stage.
Dressed in white regalia, as pure as freshly fallen snow, Emilia now made her grand entrance into the room as all chatter quieted down.
Annerose: We shall now begin the Confirmation of Knighthood Ceremony.
Addressing the crowd on behalf of Emilia at the side of the room, Annerose's words signaled Subaru's cue to leave now.
YN: Good luck up there, pal.
With an adjoining nod from Roswaal as well, Subaru took his leave.
Annerose: Natsuki Subaru, come forward.
Stopping him for just a moment though, Roswaal took a glance back to YN before looking again at Subaru.
Roswaal: Congratulations to you both.
Cracking a smile now, Roswaal winked of all things.
Roswaal: —You've earned this Witch disciples praise. You win. —Today.
On a single knee, at the forefront of the crowd, his back was faced towards them. Before him, was the woman dressed in furs of a pure, snow white. In the midst of his knighting, Subaru removed the sheathed sword at his hip, and graciously handed it off to Emilia.
As the cold metal ring of its emergence echoed through the event hall, a small whisper came into YN's ears.
Roswaal (whisper): I'm aware of your own reasons for denying it, but even as Subaru-kun is getting his own promotion, it would still be unfit for me not to give you your own.
Wondering exactly what he could possibly step up to from being just a groundskeeper, YN could only outwardly guess as he too whispered.
YN (whisper): Uhh, Senior Groundskeeper?
With a wry smile, Roswaal responded by shaking his head.
Roswaal: Our dear YN-kun thinks toooooo small.
A brief pause now overtook them as the image of Emilia raising a great sword high above her head caught their eye. Bringing the blade down to each of Subaru's shoulders, his knighting continued as Roswaal finally spoke his answer.
Roswaal: —Seneschal.
His eyes going wide at that title, YN didn't know exactly what this entailed, but the name sounded important enough.
YN: I... Wouldn't that put me above even Frederica? I don't think that's exactly fair...
Trying to gauge exactly what the scope of this was, Roswaal gave him an amused shake of the head.
Roswaal: Perhaps de jure, but definitely not de facto.
YN: Then... Isn't this position also stepping on Otto's toes a bit as Internal Affairs Official?
Roswaal: How can I better put this... Whereas Otto-kun will handle internal matters of intrigue and administrative duties, your title bears a responsibility to the individuals of the camp. —Their wellbeing, their safety, and the camp's general sense of cohesion.
I hope this isn't like when workplaces randomly nominate grunts to be that quarter's 'safety guy...'
YN: So, everyone's safety is my own responsibility now? Am I supposed to put up wet floor signs when Petra forgets to when mopping the foyer?
Still lost on the scope of his new responsibilities, Roswaal again was amused by the colorful assumption.
Roswaal: Think of it as, when things eventually become difficult again, —and they most certainly will, your first duty will be to ensure everyone's immediate safety. Take into account dangers when Otto-kun makes decisions, and support the well-being of Emilia-sama's camp confidants and their individual abilities to work together.
Highlighting these things as officially standing as he could, YN had to read between Roswaal's words, given he knew what he knew about himself and Subaru. With this, YN narrowed his eyes at Roswaal.
YN: Basically... When things are calm, make sure they stay calm for everyone else's sake, and when shit goes sideways, support Subaru in keeping everyone safe.
Roswaal: A much more lively rewording, but that does work as well.
YN: If Garfiel is Emilia-sama's actual bodyguard, and Subaru, as her knight, is to define strategy... I'm left to liaison between those two extremes.
Roswaal: Of course just as a Knight may take up other duties at the estate, so much a Seneschal.
YN: So I'm still a groundskeeper on slow days. I gotcha.
Roswaal: Tis your own words. I however would doubt Frederica would allow the camp's Seneschal to perform such chores out of her sense of normality.
Unsure if Roswaal was joking or not when he said that, it was now that Emilia handed the sword she had just knighted Subaru with beck to him, and just like it had before, the echo of its finely tuned steel echoed in the event hall.
To this, Roswaal had the smallest of laughs to himself as he shook his head. Apparent he wasn't thinking on what was directly before them, YN inquired to Roswaal what it was with a plain "Hmm?"
Roswaal: It has always been a fixation of mine to see how similar myself and Subaru-kun were when it came to the women we both sought to burden with our presences. However, as things have unfolded, yourself and I seem to not be that far from having the same weight on our shoulders.
As much as he maybe didn't want to have anything in common with Roswaal, YN had to admit there were some striking similarities now. Undeniably so.
They both were madly in love with a girl who had succumbed to a fate where she was not dead, but not necessarily "alive" either.
While it was true Echidna was "dead" just like other Witches, there seemed to be something that separated that from her, encased in the crystal in her Tomb as she was.
And while it was true Rem wasn't "dead," she required no sustenance, and did not age in the state she was in, unlike actual coma victims. While she still breathed, and felt warm with life, it seemed the existence of her "life" existed somewhere not bound by time, but that concept here definitely was removed from this reality.
YN: Maybe... Maybe we aren't so different, you and I.
Looking out to see Subaru stand now, just as he was exchanging words with Emilia, YN exchanged more with Roswaal.
YN: And maybe too, after so long without Rem... I might have gone down a darker path too... But I didn't, because Subaru stopped me. —Just like he put an end to it with you.
While not acknowledging that with an agreement, Roswaal did show he was still listening.
YN: And now that he's done that, we're both being steered in the right direction, so we're done screwing each other over, got it? We work together now, because the solution to our similar problems is one in the same.
Roswaal: Subaru-kun...
YN: Exactly.
After a moment of hesitation on the Margrave's part, a more serious expression overtook his clowned face.
Roswaal: And should things ever change for him? Can you truly promise someone else's soul will never waiver?
While this wasn't Roswaal trying to question the long term validity of Subaru and YN's trust and devotion to their own causes, he simply sought the groundskeeper's depth of that devotion, and how far he'd go to rectify things should they go astray.
YN: Should Subaru's better judgment fail him like it almost has before, always remember I'm the wildcard. Whatever it is, I'll set him straight.
Recalling just how close Subaru had come to taking Echidna's offer, YN knew that kind of temptation could have ruined everything. There'd be no possible way for this all to have ended as it had.
It certainly won't be the last time we're in that kind of danger, I'm sure...
It was with this exchange, the knighting had been completed and at Emilia's own command, she pronounced the creation of a new Knight, —her knight. Natsuki Subaru.
The time for the whispers between YN and Roswaal was done, and now...
Emilia: —Please, let the festivities begin!
A/N: Welp, here's the last chapter and finale for ACT IV. I've gotten so many wonderfully nice and supportive comments and reviews over this last ACT, and I just want to thank you all one more time for the kind words! And well, we also managed to pass one million words in total.
This arc was a really long and enjoyable one to write and adapt to this fic. I'm glad I got to introduce aspects of the WN version into this one that I think many of you probably hadn't seen or heard of before.
While this will go on hiatus for awhile again, I once more again promise, it will not be abandoned. If any of you are in need of any Rem content to read in the meantime, "Rem's Journey" (you can find it by just searching it) has been a joy to read thus far.
Also, at the time of publishing this, Season 3 of the anime has already kicked off, but I'm sure most people have seen the special 90min EP1 for a few months now. I went and saw the world premiere in LA and I will admit, when Rem showed up in the scene she had, I cried. But beyond that, EP2 is this following Wednesday, so you all really gotta hand it to me for being able to time the end of this ACT with the start of the latest season! And with Arc 9 of the WN starting as it has... well, we're in for some really good treats when it comes to the canon content!
Currently too, I've got the next 3 chapters already finished, so ACT V is already being worked on. For the time being as well, the Yunyun fic I also have is still on-going, although I have already written everything I have planned for it out, it's just not published yet. Expect another two artworks for it to be released with some of the later chapters!
As for this fic, I am adapting a few arc 4.5 short stories, as well as arc 5 for the next ACT. I have some really big things planned for it (even bigger than thus far). Rem IS going to play an important part in the next ACT, and once I get the scenes written out, I have lots of artwork scenes that I'll have created for one very powerful chapter in it I have planned.
This really has been a journey for me, writing all this, as it's already longer than some of the most popular professionally published series in modern media... And I hope it has been a journey for you all as well, especially with the development YN has gotten in conjunction, and that it has made that impact feel the same. Just as we suffer Rem's loss in this story, we do in real life as well.
The title of this chapter, like I'm sure many of you have noticed, is another song name. For me, it's a particularly special one, given it always reminds me of Rem and missing her. I'll have it linked in the WP and A03 releases.
Sorry this was a longer A/N. However, I wanted to give you all one last update before the chapter is fully over. The story continues below.
And again, thank you all.
The event hall was now filled with conversation as all the carefully crafted dishes were made public, and the wine and spirits flowed freely.
All around the room stood groups of three to as many as eight or more, all conversing and having a joyous time. Over time, different groups formed or changed as people moved about, or were pulled aside by a familiar face for a chat.
Children ran about the groups, chasing and laughing.
Off to the sides of the hall, chairs were occupied with those who either needed a social break, or simply wished to rest their legs.
It was in a particularly darkened corner though, that YN sat next to the one who held his heart.
Although she wasn't awake, he held her hand and looked out as the party went on, as if people-watching with her like they'd done in Arlem in what felt like forever ago.
Either passing by, or taking seats nearby, various sweethearts and couples would walk by, smiling and enjoying the occasion to be dressed up and social.
The more YN noticed it, the more that seemed to form.
I guess it's that time of the night.
As the party went on, everyone seemed to be finding someone else to dance with.
It wasn't that YN was jealous, he didn't have to be. He had the woman to his side after all, and no one else could compare to her, even if she slumbered.
Still, something was missing.
He missed Rem, but here she was, right next to him.
The feeling though, was perfectly summed up by how their hands were.
YN's tightly grasped her own, but her hand did not grasp back. Such as things were though, that was not anything of odd happenstance. Nothing more would have made him happy to have enjoyed this happy time with Rem, yet that was out of reach now.
In reality, it wasn't that Rem was missing, but rather, a part of himself was missing. It was removed from him when Rem too had been taken.
A dark void, like the times he'd felt before, was taking over his heart. It wasn't a permanent feeling, but it would take him some time to get over should he let himself be enveloped by it.
Just as it was, YN felt a new presence show up at his side, opposite of Rem.
Ram: YN.
The pink-haired maid, taking a break from her duties at this party, had chosen to come be by his side.
YN: Ram...
As if she needed any more of a clue by the way his voice said her name, she could tell from the complete opposite end of the hall YN was sinking into his despair. He was struggling at this moment, even with Rem's hand in his own.
She didn't want to be blunt about it though, after all, this was to be a happy time.
Ram: It would be best if you had something to eat.
YN: I-I'm fine. I'm not hungry...
Trying his hardest to keep his appearance up, to Ram, she knew these efforts were in vain. He had already crumbled to his lowest self in her eyes.
Ram: We are both aware you're far from being okay. YN worries Ram at times like this.
Seeing him like this, desperately clinging to Rem as if his sanity depended on it but shackled by the responsibility of not showing it, Ram knew YN needed help.
YN: I... I just don't want to leave Rem's side...
The idea of seeing Rem left alone here at this party, as Ram had other duties to attend to, put an ache of pain in YN's heart.
YN: I don't want her to be lonely...
As Ram sat here next to YN, a few children of the many attendees stole small glances at them as they sat here and she noticed that.
YN recognized them though, they were the children of the many Arlem Village residents that were in attendance.
For many of them, this was the last time many would see one another. With the destruction of the old Mansion, their village was to be broken up and they'd all need to move to the surrounding ones, just like the Sanctuary residents would need to.
These children, as if trying to figure out who she was, looked at Rem, as if wondering where this girl who appeared exactly like Ram had come from. They were familiar with the pink-haired maid, the black-haired butler, and YN too. But this blue-haired girl was a mystery to them.
In truth, it wasn't as if these younger children were clueless. While they might not have understood what it was exactly, they did feel the invisible barrier of apprehension from how YN was silently doting on Rem in this corner of the hall.
With both Ram and YN aware they both had noticed these glances, he sighed.
YN: No one here remembers her... It's only natural they'd wonder who she is...
In a small way, the innocent glances inflicted their own pain upon his already wounded heart.
Trying to find a way to alleviate that pain though, Ram spoke up again.
Ram: Ram shall entertain these curious ones. Why not get some fresh air at the very least? It would do YN some good.
While he knew what Ram was getting at, YN also didn't wish to be selfish and deprive the sisters with time together here at this party.
I shouldn't monopolize Rem.
Begrudgingly, YN stood and adjusted his clothes.
YN: I'll do that.
Getting Ram to smile, she felt somewhat relieved.
Ram: Ram shall keep Rem company until you return.
With only a nod, YN walked the perimeter of the hall till he reached the windowed wall that lead to the balcony outside.
While it was of great size, and the hall was full of people, no one went outside, as it was dark, cold, and slightly damp outside from the recent weather. Just as YN went to put his hand on the door handle to step outside, his figure blocked the light on the glass, allowing him to see outside now, past the reflection on the glass.
Outside, Emilia and Subaru of all people were leaning over the balcony railing, looking up and out at the stars above.
YN: —tch...
YN knew he'd be interrupting them if he went out there.
I wouldn't want to bring their mood down...
Cursing his own existence under his breath, YN dropped his hand from the handle, and instead retreated to another nearby door.
Slipping away into the darkness of a nearby hallway, this was the door used by the maids and other servants of the Miload house to keep refreshments and food coming out into the event hall. Quietly, YN took this exit, got past the kitchen, and finding a nearby staircase, he went up it.
In the dark, he couldn't tell where in the Miload Mansion he was, but he knew he was on the floor that held most of the bedrooms belonging to the staff members. Rounding one more corner though, there was a single door he did recognize from the moonlight.
YN: Rem's room...
While it was a guest room, this was where Rem had been housed since they had arrived here. He knew it was nothing like how her old room used to be, but the fact this was Rem's space, even if only temporary, did give his soul some comfort.
His hand upon the knob, he twisted it and let himself in.
Inside was barren, with but a bed, a desk, and chair.
The sheets laid upon Rem's bed were neatly made, and YN knew it wouldn't be long until she was brought back up here to rest.
Still, he had told Ram he was going to get some fresh air, and that's what he was going to do.
Walking over to the window, YN pushed aside the curtains, and opened it. Lifting one leg up, he let himself out onto the pitch of the roof.
It was here that he was outside, and the cold night air now blew into the room, getting the curtains to gently sway. With nothing to keep the window from shutting again though, YN reached back inside, and grabbing a nearby nick-nack off the wall, he used that to keep the window just ever-so-slightly propped open. Carefully, he walked up to the top of the roof, and once there, he sat down.
YN: *Sigh...*
While he first gazed up at the moon and stars, he then looked down at the trees going out into the landscape, and as his eyes fell down more, he could see the balcony below where he sat.
From here, he had a bird's eye view of Emilia and Subaru down below. Although they were well out of earshot, he did hope they wouldn't spot him up here.
Subaru would accuse me of eavesdropping...
It was at this though, that YN heard the window he had climbed out of open again.
Oh no, please don't shut that! I'll be trapped out here!
Just as he went to turn and retreat back down the roof to the window, he saw a familiar face looking back up at him from below.
Algol: Aniki.
Also having come out onto the roof, the short, pink-haired elf now stared back up at YN with confusion on her face.
Algol: ...Why are you out here on the roof? I-I felt a strong emotion coming from you and wanted to check and make sure you were fine...
A hand to her chest, Algol shook her head.
Algol: I followed you up here to Rem-Nee-sama's room, but figured you were sad and wanted some alone time... But then I heard the window open and I waited longer but I didn't hear anything... So I opened the door.
Looking back to the window by her side, Algol's troubled expression went back to looking at YN.
Algol: The window was open and you weren't inside...
Maybe thinking he was going to do something dumb, YN shook his head at Algol to reassure her.
YN: I'm just getting some fresh air, I promise.
Seeing a wash of relief go across her face, she shook her head again, and then went about climbing up the roof's pitch and joined YN as he sat at the top.
Looking out across the view too, she now turned to YN.
Algol: You're not drunk are you? Your face is flushed red.
With a smug expression, she asked this of YN.
YN: Hah... No. I just went from the warm inside to the cold outside here. Frederica did try pouring me a drink earlier though, when the festivities started, but Otto grabbed it out of my hands.
Algol: He really was putting them down. Last I saw him he was slumped over at one of the banquet tables with Garf, absolutely slammed with maybe six or seven empty wine glasses around him. Even still, he flagged down a server for another glass, but couldn't lift his head to take a drink. That was when Garf tried to have it for himself.
Putting a hand over her mouth now, she laughed in a slightly wisenheimer way.
Algol: Frederica-Nee-sama practically leaped across half the entire room to yank it away from him. She scolded him pretty harshly, haha.
Getting YN to crack a smile, he nodded too.
YN: Frederica is a good sister, and Garf I'd say is still a bit too young to partake.
Algol: Yeah, we don't need him of all people getting under-the-table.
It was now that a silence overtook the contractor and his spirit as they just looked up at the full moon above. Until down below, where Subaru and Emilia had been, was finally vacated by the two, did Algol speak again.
Algol: I remember the moon was full like this on the day we met. —Both times, actually.
YN: You mean during the loot house with Reinhard and again when Emilia-sama had those thieves try and steal Puck?
Nodding at his words, Algol held her hand to her mouth again and laughed as she recalled something else.
Algol: That Puck guy was such a hardass. I don't remember much but I felt like he was scolding me like I was some sort of rookie.
YN: Huh, that's right... You did technically meet Puck at one point.
Looking at him with half-closed eyes, Algol jeer'd at the thought.
Algol: Some real dad-of-the-year material he was.
Sarcastically remarking on that, YN was sure Subaru and her could probably have a lot to talk about on that subject.
Ultimately though, it was strange to him.
Algol, his little white spec of a contracted spirit had a physical form now. While he himself had been contracted to her much longer than Subaru and Beatrice had, the timing for both the wayward traveling companions to gain a contract with a formed spirit within hours of each other was mind blowing.
YN: Algol, just what's it like now? Going from being a spirit to having a form of your own, —a body.
Algol: Well, I can actually remember more stuff now... I can talk with you, rather than just feel your emotions... I can talk with everyone else... I'm learning to read...
Listing things off as she counted on her tiny hands, as she came to the fifth point, she smiled widely.
Algol: —And food is really good too!
Actually managing to get a bit of a laugh out of YN, he nodded his head.
YN: You gotta be careful though, you'll get fat if you eat too much.
At this, Algol put her hands proudly at her hips, and turned her expression upward.
Algol: Beatrice-senpai said since I'm a spirit like her, anything I eat? It'll just turn into mana. I can have all the meat dishes I want!
Boldly smiling as she said that, YN shook his head in mild amusement to her declaration.
YN: Usually little girls are supposed to be normal and like sweets the most.
Jeering at him, Algol looked back at him.
Algol: I'm not so normal though, am I?
Even with getting YN to perk up a bit into a warmer conversation, Algol, as his contracted spirit, could still definitely feel an air of melancholy in his heart.
Wanting to rather relate to him than just paint over those feelings, Algol's tone changed as she spoke again now.
Algol: About sweets, is that something Rem-nee-sama might have said too?
Seeing that melancholy surface back into his eyes, YN turned them away to look up at the stars.
YN: Maybe... She was amazing at cooking though, and really liked culinary skills.
Harkening back to when that renowned chef had scheduled a visit to the Mansion, YN remembered how excited Rem was.
YN: She appreciated anything that took lots of effort to make, whether that was sweets or whatever else...
Algol: I see... I think I remember you feeling that way about her too.
As another silence descended on them, Algol still wanted YN to open up more.
Algol: Aniki... Would this be what you'd normally do at a big party like this?
YN: What do you mean?
Fidgeting with her hands, Algol struggled to explain what she meant.
Algol: Ya know... Where you go off like this to find some darkened corner and sit all alone?
A hand this chin, YN really self-analyzed this.
YN: Hmm... Honestly? No... I'm only doing this because I still miss someone.
Algol really had no better of an idea of how lonely YN was without Rem. Feeling this aura of sorrow radiate off him without ever ceasing only made her want to help him more.
Algol: If she were still... ya know... awake, what would you be doing otherwise?
Continuing to look up at the stars, YN spoke in pure confidence of what he'd expect.
YN: I'd be right by her side. Not even really by choice, but necessity. —Probably, at least, I'd need to be keeping her upright, but at the same time, trying to hold back her advances on me in the middle of the party. She'd be really tipsy by this point in the night.
Algol, furrowing her brows at his description, tilted her head.
Algol: Was she a drinker?
Getting YN to shake his head and laugh a bit, he realized he might have made Rem out to sound like a wino.
YN: No no. I think due to her strong sense of smell as an oni, she could get tipsy just from smelling strong liquor be poured out. She was the epitome of being a super light-weight.
Algol: Huh... That's odd considering I saw Ram-Nee-sama with even more glasses than Otto... I think she might have polished off a whole bottle but she didn't look flushed at all.
YN: Ram got the tolerance Rem didn't have. I only ever saw Rem drink once, and a single glass blacked her out... I got put in charge of watching her while she slept just in case.
Algol: Hehe, that sounds adorable.
Somewhat able to picture what that looked like, Algol did find that as an amusing visual and end to a night.
YN: It really was. I'd probably need to do that tonight too if she were still awake...
Now looking down at his own hands, the sorrow returned in full force as the warmth of good memories faded off into the night.
YN: I... I really miss her.
Unsure of what to say now, Algol was at a loss. Yet, before she could say anything else—
YN: Hmm?
Two distant voices from down below on the balcony could now be heard. Faintly, YN recognized them.
Beatrice (distant): ...—she is not out here either, I suppose.
Petra (distant): Where did Algol-sama run off to then?
Hearing their voices too, it got Algol to sit up more and look down at them more. While she might have been tempted to wave and call out to them, she knew YN might not want it known he was out here alone on the roof.
YN: Why don't you go hang out with them? They're clearly looking for you.
Algol could halfway sense that maybe YN just wished to be alone with his thoughts at this point in the night.
At his suggestion, Algol stood back up and turned to descend back down the roof towards the window.
Algol: Okay. Just... Aniki?
Level with the window again, where she had been when she first spotted YN, Algol turned back to face him again, a more troubled tone was on her voice.
YN: Yeah?
Algol: Promise me you won't slip and fall when you come back in... I... I really wouldn't like you to get hurt, or worse... ya know... Fall all the way off and die... all alone... Okay?
Finding her worry justified, but also cute in itself, YN smiled and nodded.
YN: I promise.
Algol: Thank you...
Reopening the window, Algol stepped inside, and departed from the roof.
It was now that YN was left alone once more.
Turning his gaze back up to the stars above, he saw one in particular that caught his attention. Twinkling a radiant blue, it was the star that stood out the most to him in his grayed out vision. Just like Rem's own blue, it reminded him of the night the two had spent together in her room, —the night they had first kissed.
Even as this warm memory floated in his mind, his body shivered as a cold, wild wind swept past.
I miss when she held me... When all the love I knew was there...
Running down his cheeks now, tears welled up in his eye and poured out. Huddling himself, he brought his knees closer to him.
YN: I'm sorry Rem...
The dark, misty feeling of sorrow in his chest, with no one, or anything else to thwart it, enveloped his heart fully again now. In his downward depressive spiral, he knew he'd be like this for a while again. For this, he'd need to retire for the evening, lest he worry the others still enjoying themselves down below.
Holding his head down, he could only sob to himself.
YN: I miss you Rem... I miss you so much...