Jebest4781: Another great chapter full of laughs. Made my boring, cloudy day great after a long shift at work. Keep up the great work and can't wait to see what'll happen on the Thanksgiving chapter.
Re: Glad to hear it. Finished the previous chapter up when my whole block got covered in frozen mist, so it was refreshing to get a Review so soon.
justinq719: Why do I have the feeling that this Thanksgiving turkey is going to be a giant monster in the next chapter? Or I could be wrong.
Re: Already did an Übercow. Don't wanna do an Überturkey, otherwise it'd feel ham-fisted.
If I'd made an Überpig, that would've made for a hell of a pun.
superpierce: the the repent m*** statement had me busting a gut. keep up that humour man.
Re: Yeah… Virgil's a high-functioning mentally-unstable sort who tries to find fun wherever he can.
Also, internet cookie for anyone who can Get… That… Reference…!
Undeadlord22: With all the crazy s*** happening, it's almost impossible to predict what's next on the show.
Re: Well, it is a comic book-inspired universe…
Plus, the Multi-Crossover give me a lot, of wiggle-room.
LuckyShadowWolf: Well not much to say with this one, except for a single question! How long will it be before Vergil tries to find a way to lessen the insanity that is his life or tries to contact Hectate to lessen how frequently he has to pay a price for knowing/using magic?
Re: Time isn't an issue. The problem is, Virgil doesn't have any bargaining power against the literal Greek goddess of Boundaries, the Underworld, Witchcraft, and also Snakes.
I didn't actually know about that last one when it came up, but damn did it work out well given his connection to the other "Snakes" of the Metal Gear IP~
Anyway, what would he pay her with that she'd actually want in exchange for mitigating "the weird"? From her perspective, the stronger he becomes in Magic, the further he can push her agenda in the future, since Greek Gods can only act through proxies i.e. Demigods. One God stepping on another's toes "invites direct reprisal", and you don't want to be the kid on the playground whose sucker punch doesn't pan out. If you are going to sucker punch a god in the face, it's typically one of those things where you really, really, really want it to work "the first time" because odds are… you won't get a second shot.
FirstOfTheInfected: Somewhat random question, was the Korean spy foster family just backstory, or were they possibly looking for Virgil specifically?
Don't know too much metal gear lore so I may be wrong. But North Korea seems like it would be in a position to possibly believe/ know Virgil's origin, and only pulled out when no reaction was seen or such. Only pulling out when secondary/ cover objectives were compromised.
Slightly tying into that, if the/ an organization was keeping tabs on Virgil since at least his 'parents' death, does that mean his kinda fubar foster history was on purpose?
Re: It was happenstance. By that point in time, Virgil didn't have any of the "genetic markers" that spies would be looking for. All he was to them was a convenient add-on to their cover to make them seem more "trustworthy". His backstory is a little convoluted, but then again, so are most comic book Origin Stories.
*GIVING THANKS*
Moxxxi's Red Light
November 27, 06:00 EST
Best part of subvocal communications?
You got to talk to someone wirelessly and only look like you're muttering to yourself instead of looking like a crazy person.
And if you were in bed, you could just roll over and anyone looking in would think you were just dreaming.
"Snake… Is this vacationary report accurate?"
"Given everything I've done for you guys thus-far… Why exactly is it you don't believe me?"
"Oh, I believe you, no doubt about that,"Otacon replied. "I just… wanted to be really sure before passing this up to your psychiatrist."
"I have one of those?!"
"Your mental health is very important for ongoing experiments."
"Do I even want to know?"
"I could tell you, but that'd skew the results of the ongoing experiments."
"Fine, fine," Virgil said rolling over in bed and eyeing his clock. " . . . You couldn't have called me later?"
"It's hard to tell day and night apart down here…"
"Yeah, yeah… Do I still have Thanksgiving off?"
"Nothing will need your personal attention on our end until after the break. Enjoy your Thanksgiving."
"Thanks."
"And good luck with the modelling gig."
"Shit, I forgot about that," Virgil groaned, dreading the chewing-out that Leeron would give him as soon as the man saw the state of his left ear.
Hopefully whatever he was modelling wouldn't involve showing off his right shoulder either.
*GIVING THANKS*
Moxxxi's Red Light
November 27, 14:00 EST
"Learner's permit?"
"In my wallet."
"Snacks?"
"Glove box."
"Water?"
"In the cooler."
"Co-pilot?"
"Yo!"
"Also here. Are we done yet?" Virgil asked as Moxxi leaned into the driver's side window, Brick at his right.
"Just want to make sure this pickup goes off without a hitch," Moxxi replied. "Paula and her daughter know they're coming to Bludhaven for Thanksgiving, so they should be ready to leave by the time Artemis gets back from school."
'Hm. Small world,' he thought idly. Honestly, he thought his acquaintanceship with Artemis would be a one-off, or just someone he exchanged texts and the occasional phone call with, but she did a great job of keeping him grounded… even when the occasional fit of comic book nonsense trickled down into his regular everyday life. "Need me to pick anything up from the store?"
"No, no, the others got the provisions while you were… cleaning your firearm~"
"I was studying for my GED behind the comfort of a locked door and barred windows."
"Tomato, tomatoe."
"Who the fuck says 'tomatoe'?"
*GIVING THANKS*
Gotham City
November 27, 15:24 EST
"Who's van is this?" Artemis asked as she walked up her front steps, backpack light with little homework. "Hey mom! I'm back!"
"Artemis, did you pack your bags?" her mother asked from the kitchen.
"So we're really going to Bludhaven?"
"Yes, and I expect you to be on your best behavior."
"Right, right," Athena said turning toward her room only to bump into something. "What the-"
"Hi there."
"AAUUUGH!" Artemis cried as a man built like a retaining wall greeted her, his head brushing against the ceiling.
"Artemis, don't be rude," Paula chided as she came around the corner.
"This guy's built like a retaining wall. How the fuck would I not freak out?!" she gawped incredulously. 'Guy's built like fucking Bane! And this is without Venom!' she added seeing no intravenous hardware in place.
"Language young lady, or I will dock your allowance!"
Artemis for her part could only huff indignantly.
"Hey, Artemis."
"Virgil! What're you doing here?"
"Just getting some hours under my belt for my driver's exam," he replied, dressed casually. "What about you? How are things?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. Keeping my head down, staying away from the crazies," she said twirling a finger beside her head.
"A sound survival tactic," he conceded. "Don't take this the wrong way, but have you been working out? You look good."
"Oh, thanks," she replied awkwardly rubbing at her arms, which had the slightest bit more muscle than when she'd first met him. "I… thought I'd try to live a healthier lifestyle, you know?"
"Yeah, I know where you're coming from," Virgil nodded, and Artemis took notice that he was a little more muscular than when they'd first met too.
"Hey, what happened to your ear?"
"Nothing…"
"Nothing my ass. Let me see!"
"Artemis, you can pester him on the way back. I'd like to get going before rush hour," Paula chastised.
"Fine…" Artemis huffed. "But we are not done with this."
"Just don't fuck with me while I'm behind the wheel," Virgil grumbled. "Brick! Time to go!"
"You got it, Slab! Alley-oop!" Brick said as he picked up Paula's wheelchair, with Paula still on it.
"Geez, what do they feed that guy?" Artemis balked.
"Anything and everything with and without a pulse," Virgil shrugged, remembering how he utterly mutilated a Las Vegas buffet.
He would never look at Las Vegas buffets the same way ever again.
That poor intern…
*GIVING THANKS*
Moxxxi's Red Light
November 27, 15:56 EST
By some miracle, the "A-Team" van was able to get out of Gotham unmolested, and almost immediately after leaving the city limits, the color tone of the nearby landscape became brighter. Artemis who'd never really left Gotham before then was shocked at the stark contrast, the tough blond looking out the rear window to see the gothic city getting smaller and smaller in the distance, a weight she'd never known lifting from her shoulders.
"So, Virgil."
"Yes, Mrs. Crock?" Virgil asked on the ride back.
"Artemis couldn't help but point out you're a fashion model."
"I look better with hair and makeup."
"Don't sell yourself short. You're quite handsome as you are. In fact, if I were a decade younger~"
"M-MOM!?" Artemis squawked.
" . . . You've been talking to Moxxi, haven't you?"
"Maybe a little. Does it show?"
"Oh yeah. Big time."
" . . . I'm not apologizing."
"Oh god…" Artemis groaned palming her face.
"Don't worry, Artemis. I won't bang your mother."
"Gee, thanks for that image," the blond grumbled under her breath.
"Of course I make no promises when it comes to Moxxi. What was your relationship to her again?"
"We used to run in the same… crowd before our falling out," Paula answered morosely. "Honestly, I'm glad I have this opportunity to apologize in person, as well as…"
"Mom, why are you looking at me like that?"
" . . . So, what's it like being a fashion model?" Paula asked sidestepping the matter entirely.
"No, seriously! What was with that look?!"
*GIVING THANKS*
With the Hodunks and Zafords more or less neutered by what had transpired out in The Dust, Virgil and co. were left unmolested when they got back to town. Brick was markedly nervous as they passed by a patrol car, but the big man kept away from the windows, much to Paula's confusion. Artemis recognized this as the look of someone with something to hide… though then again, maybe the big guy just didn't like being "typecast" as a hoodlum.
When they eventually arrived at the Red Light, Brick once again picked up Paula like one would a loaf of bread and carried her to the boarding house above.
"Nice digs," Artemis hummed as she looked around. "Homey."
"I could do worse," Virgil admitted.
Compared to a drafty, bombed-out apartment building in the middle of a literal quarantine zone, and that statement wasn't just metaphor.
"Hey, V-Man!" Tina shouted from the sofa. "Your fanclub is here!"
"Fanclub?" Artemis asked incredulously.
"Virgil!" -came his name in stereo.
"Zatanna? Megan?" Virgil blinked widely as his friends walked over to him; Zatanna was clad in her Catholic schoolgirl uniform, while Megan was clad in the latest casual fashion; courtesy of her employee discount.
Subconsciously, he was glad she wasn't "in the buff" "like First Form Frieza". Though maybe a closer approximation for a nude alien that looked like they were wearing form-fitting armor would've been Cell.
At least they were both green…
Of course now he wondered if her species "ate people".
"You sound like you're surprised to see us," Zatanna hummed.
"I kind of am," Virgil replied.
"Oh, well, after our last meeting while you were canoodling with your girlfriend-"
"I'm sorry, did you say 'canoodling'?" Artemis snickered.
"-we got to talking with your landlady, and she invited us over for Thanksgiving," Megan answered happily.
"Well, that explains the surprise visit," Virgil hummed.
"Sooo… you let your fangirls into your house?" Artemis asked incredulously.
"And who are you?" Zatanna asked brusquely as if just noticing her presence.
"Artemis. His friend."
"Zatanna. Virgil saved my life."
"He did?!" the blond gawped incredulously.
"He bought me clothes after a pyro villain torched my last wardrobe," Megan was quick to add.
"Huh…" Artemis hummed eyeing the girl's trendy threads, then looking down to her own hand-me-downs. 'Maybe a pyro villain should torch my wardrobe too…' she thought idly. "And the two of you are here because…?"
"Her uncle is part of my dad's Fire & Safety Team," Zatanna returned with the excuse that'd been drilled into her head to explain her acquaintance with some random girl from the middle-of-nowhere Arizona. It left Megan just insulated-enough that most Villains wouldn't drag her into their world to get to her or her dad, and people could have professional relationships with Giovanni Zatara without fearing for their lives. It was also believable enough for an illusionist to have a Fire & Safety Team on-hand because of the growing use of pyrotechnics in the industry.
Hey, it couldn't all be "real magic".
"I see… So what's this about him saving your life?" Artemis groused with a raised brow. "What, did he tackle you out of the way of a falling stage light or something?"
"That only happens in sitcoms and poorly-managed stages," Zatanna huffed. "As for the rest… I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, you won't have to worry about anything going wrong while you're here," Virgil said mussing up the younger girl's hair. "As long as you don't leave my side, I can just shoot whatever nasties rear their ugly head."
"Wait, you mean you're holding?!" Artemis gawked incredulously.
"President Sears' Firearm Freedoms Act," Virgil replied with a grin. "You should really think about getting one yourself since Gotham is…"
"Gotham?"
"Yes," Virgil nodded. "I don't see your guardians anywhere. Where are they?"
"They dropped us off ahead of time. They'll be back later with the food we're bringing for the big dinner tomorrow," Megan returned with a smile.
"By the way, Tiny Tina says you have 'a gig' today? Can we come?" Zatanna asked excitedly.
"Right…" Virgil said with dread, resisting the temptation to shoot the world's most-dangerous pre-teen the finger. "I don't suppose it'd be too much to ask you three to stay here? Just watch TV 'til I come back?" he asked hopefully.
"Oh ho! Oh ho ho ho ho! No," Artemis laughed brusquely. "No, I don't think I'll want to miss this~"
"I was afraid you'd say that…" Virgil groaned tiredly.
"Virgil, there's nothing to be ashamed of," Megan kindly. "Modelling clothing is a very noble career path."
"Yeah, maybe while he's young and good-looking," Artemis chuckled under her breath, earning a scowl from Zatanna.
" . . . Fine, fine, you've twisted my arm enough," Virgil sighed tiredly. "Grab your coats, and your wallets. We'll take the bus after checking on the others."
"Others?" Artemis asked.
*GIVING THANKS*
"JESUS CHRIST!" Artemis screeched as a giant mounted turret suddenly zeroed in on her, a red laser sight alighting her sternum.
"Just look non-threatening and you won't get shot," Virgil waved off as he approached the fake electrical box, completely unmolested. "Athena, Gaige, you in there?"
*Crash!*
"Yeah! We're here! You need something?" Athena asked amidst the sound of something falling over.
"Just checking in on you, see if you wanted to come into town with-"
*Baw-KAWWK!*
" . . . What the hell was that?"
"Nooothiiin'…" Gaige answered.
"Really? Cause it didn't sound like 'nothin'."
"Ah! Back! Back I say!" Gaige suddenly screamed, this time accompanied by the sound of metal clashing with metal.
" . . . I'm coming in there."
"Nooo! No! Do not come in here!" Athena pleaded. "It'll raise your blood pressure!"
"And not even in the kinky fun way!" Gaige added. "Have at thee, vile demooon!"
*KIN!*
*Ba-kaw!*
"Are you really… really certain you don't want me to come in there?"
"Yeees! Yes! We're sure!" Athena assured him. "Don't worry, we're big girls! We can handle ourselves!"
"Yeah! We're not damsels or anything!" Gaige saw fit to ask as the sound of something else being knocked over sounded over the intercom. "But if they make you model for the swimsuit issue, make sure to bring pack pictures!"
"I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Virgil sighed. "I'll leave you to… whatever it is you're doing."
"Please and thank you!" the two girl geniuses chimed together.
"You girls have fun in there!" Megan added excitedly before the brunette shut the intercom box and walked away.
"How the hell is any of this normal?!" Artemis demanded as she was led away, the auto-turret following her for a few tense seconds before it retreated into the wall. "Seriously! In what possible universe is an auto-turret 'normal'?!"
" . . . I don't see anything weird about it," Megan hummed.
"Me neither," Zatanna shrugged. "You think maybe you're the weird one?"
*GIVING THANKS*
Meanwhile back inside Athena's lab, while Artemis yowled in impotent fury and was pulling at her hair…
"Remind me again how we got into this mess?" Gaige asked as she staved off golf club swings with a crowbar. Her assailant, was a whole cooked chicken glowing a radiant gamma green, veins throbbing like something alive even though it'd already been bled out at the processing plant.
"Where's this 'we' nonsense coming from? You're the one who fucked with the wrong power cell!" Athena screeched as she jury rigged a Gauss Rifle on an elevated work table with odds and ends she'd gathered from other half-completed side-projects while Gaige distracted the thing.
"I just wanted to make it more-efficient…" Gaige pouted as she fought, having lamented that this was "the strangest thing I (she) have (had) ever done". For the past several minutes the genius girl and irradiated poultry had been dueling like swashbucklers, a myriad of objects around the lab knocked over amidst the fighting.
"Yeah, and look where that got us!" Athena hissed as she twisted the last wire into place and snapped the long casing shut. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
"FOOORE!" Gaige cried parrying the irradiated poultry's melee weapon before punting it into the air.
At the apex of its flight, a ferrokinetically-accelerated slug caught the irradiated chicken in mid-air, spattering the wall behind it with glowing green scraps of bone and meat.
"That's it! New rule: You are not allowed to screw with anything gamma-related, in my lab," Athena said as she grabbed a lead-lined bag and tongs labeled Gamma Hazard before tossing them over. "Now go clean that up while I undo the changes you made to my turkey cooker."
"There's nothing wrong with my design. It's the execution that's flawed," Gaige said grabbing an irradiated chicken wing.
"Yeah, well, I've gone five Thanksgivings without it turning into Stephen King's Pet Sematary, and I don't plan on starting now, so you'll excuse me if I don't want to fix something that was operating perfectly all on its own."
"Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Gaige huffed. "Is it 'cause Virgil's harem decided to show up?"
"They're not his 'harem'. It's just coincidence that most of his friends are female," Athena huffed. "Plus, he doesn't even like any of them that way; two of them are like kid sisters and the other is someone he can talk shop about archery with."
"Oh, so then it's just you and I for the harem then~"
"There is no harem!"
*GIVING THANKS*
Gothic Renaissance
November 27, 16:31 EST
Thankfully, the bus ride to the shinier part of town was uneventful, though the girls were wise to keep their heads down while on the bus and not make eye contact. The fact that Zatanna and Megan were out-of-towners was made abundantly obvious by how they carried themselves, but at the very least, Artemis' composure made people want to avoid eye contact with her; the layer of muscle she'd put on as of late gave her an intimidating air the "softer" girls in his company just didn't have. Add Virgil's subtle-yet-not-so-subtle implication he was holding, and no-one tried anything stupid.
Gothic Renaissance was just as he remembered it. The rotation of clothes leaned toward the warmer end of the spectrum but were no less stylish, and if he did wind up just buying clothes for everyone for Christmas, as least they'd be trendy and not fodder for the return counter the following day.
Preparing himself for the chewing-out Leeron was going to give him before his hair and makeup could be done, the chastisement he received was… pretty much exactly as he imagined it to be once Leeron saw the extent of his fresh injuries; how his looks were his lifeblood and like a musician, he had to carefully tune and care for his instrument, yada yada yada.
It wasn't overtly-intimidating because it came from a homosexual who leaned toward the more feminine side of the spectrum, but it stung a lot worse because it was only thanks to Leeron's cosmetic skills that he was able to carry out his current (cover) job at all.
"Honestly, hon, what am I going to do with you?" Leeron asked coming to the end of his tirade. It was only then that he noticed the company he was keeping. "Oh? And who are these darlings~?"
"My fr-"
"His fanclub~" Artemis cut in with a shit-eating grin.
"Oh~ Congratulations, hon! I knew you were a good fit for this job~"
"Urg…" Virgil groaned, his face reddening. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Maybe a little~" Artemis said cheekily.
"Just for that, you're getting an ugly sweater for Christmas…"
"Oooh. I'm quaking in my boots~"
"Save the pillow-talk for later," Leeron chastised, grabbing hold of Virgil's chin and turning his head from side to side. "Hmmmm… It could be worse. The wound healed over incredibly well and you won't have to worry about close-ups on your profile this early in your career, so I should be more than able to cover this up."
"Really? Oh, that's good," Zatanna sighed, worried she might've cost him a lucrative job.
Although if she had~ she could've always hired him on as a "handsome assistant"~
"Now then, let me show you girls… my art~"
First, Virgil was leaned back and Leeron took to washing his hair until the point it was glossy and shiny. Once the girls could practically see themselves in it, that's when Leeron went to work with the snips and comb. Zatanna and Megan couldn't actually keep track of what they were seeing, but Artemis could, and she had to admit, apart from the stylish flourishes the man was putting on for their sakes, there wasn't any wasted movement, and he'd probably be scary with a knife in his hands.
Not to say that anyone with a knife in their hands wouldn't be scary, but Leeron… He was no assassin, but the beautician could cause some real damage if he had half a mind to.
After Virgil's hair had been trimmed and stylized, next came the makeup. As the foundation, blush, and other colorings went on, not only did the scarring from his ear getting shot disappear, but so too did all the fatigue, most-noticeably the stress lines around his eyes from all the comic book-esque nonsense he underwent on his cross-country Fortune-500 tour.
Suffice it to say, the transformation, was quite significant.
"So, what do you little hons think~?" Leeron asked spinning "Vincent's" chair around.
"Holy shit… He's HOT!" Artemis gawped with wide eyes.
"Yes, yes, nice to know where you stand," 'Vincent' sighed as the three girls before him subconsciously preened themselves; straightening their clothes, tucking the odd stand of hair behind their ear, applying lip balm. The usual stopgap methods when young girls were caught flat-footed and/or aroused.
It was a little disconcerting that Zatanna was still pining for him, but she was a young woman in the earliest stages of puberty, so he'd give her a pass this time since he had gotten worked over by a professional.
Beautician!
Worked over by a professional beautician!
"Okay, maybe I could only say this because I know what you look like without your makeup, but I'll admit, you look… really good~" Zatanna blushed.
"I know! It's like he's a completely different person!" Megan awed, though not for the reason that her Human friend was. "It's like he's a real shapeshifter."
"Oh, I hope not. If they invent shapeshifting makeup, I'm out of a job!" Leeron hummed despondently.
"Unless everyone wants to wind up looking like the Clayface, I think people will stick to their regular beauty products," 'Vincent' hummed, even now in awe of how-well all his scars and fatigue had been covered up. "Anyhow, let's move on to my gig. Time is money, after all."
*GIVING THANKS*
"HOLY SHIT! HER BOOBS ARE HUGE!"
-were the sum thoughts the girls had as soon as they saw 'Vincent's' photographer.
Thankfully they had the wherewithal to only be gob smacked and not say that out loud.
Didn't mean they couldn't stop staring, though…
"Yoko, how are things?" Virgil asked, used-enough to her "missiles" that he wasn't distracted by them.
At least not to the point he lost all higher brain functionality…
"I'm doing fine. How was your trip to Las Vegas?"
"Vegas!?" Artemis gawped.
"You know 'The Rule'. What happens in Vegas-"
"-stays in Vegas," Yoko, Zatanna, and Megan finished in synch.
"Wait, people say that in real life?" Artemis gawped. "I thought that was just something from cheesy nineties sitcoms."
The others in the room gave the girl a look, before turning their attention back to Yoko.
"Sooo… I'm working with a new hire today?" Virgil asked.
"That's right," Yoko nodded. "Gwen, your dance partner's here!"
"Coming, Yoko!"
Stepping out from around the corner a moment later was a pretty young woman with a heart-shaped face, beautiful blue eyes, and shoulder-length blond hair with pink highlights. She was dressed casually in a white-sleeved black letterman jacket over a white pink-lined shirt, a pink skirt, black leggings, and pink sneakers with white trim.
"You must be Vincent Valentine. It's a pleasure to meet you!" the pretty blond greeted. "I'm Gwendolyn Poole, but you can call me 'Gwen'," she said extending her hand.
"I see. It's nice to meet you too," Virgil hummed giving the girl a quick once-over. While Zatanna was cute in a "young-and-innocent Catholic schoolgirl" kinda way, Megan was cute like "a 90s sitcom star", and Artemis was cute in a "confident tomboy" kinda way, Gwendolyn was cute in a "girl next door" kinda way, the pink dye in her hair adding a bit of spice to the archetype. " . . . Have we met before?" he then asked with a tilt of his head.
"Aw, you sweet-talker, you~" Gwen cooed batting a hand at him.
"I wasn't flirting," Virgil said hastily, "that was a legitimate inquiry," he continued with a slight dusting of pink on his cheeks.
"Oh? I don't think I've ever heard that line used that way before," the blond hummed.
"I think most people who use that line are only after 'one thing'," Artemis hummed eyeing the new girl up and down, her arms crossed.
"So what're we modelling for?" Virgil asked.
"Winter wear," Yoko answered gesturing to a pair of outfits on hangers. "It's nice out, so we'll take some pictures outside, show the winter wear being used outside a studio with a green screen."
"You're the expert," Virgil shrugged as he straightened his hair. If Ms. Mayer was going to go through all the trouble of concocting this cover for him, the least he could do was pay it forward.
*GIVING THANKS*
Meanwhile back at the Red Light, while Virgil was out entertaining his entourage in the better part of Bludhaven…
"So Paula, how are you settling in?" Moxxi asked sitting across from Paula in the living room.
"I'm settling in fine. You've made a lovely home for yourself," Paula returned.
"Thank you. I can tell you've raised a wonderful daughter."
"Hah. More like I've broken her of many bad habits," Paula chuckled self-deprecatingly. "He did most of the work until I got out."
"Why did you take the fall for him? After we stopped talking, I could never get a straight answer out of you."
"Because I loved him… Or at least I thought I did," Paula sighed. "I couldn't save Jade, but I will save Artemis."
"Speaking of which… Does she know?"
"No," Paula said with a shake of her head. "Does-"
"No, I never really needed to tell her," Moxxi answered a little laconically. "I suppose that's the benefit of being a single mom. There's no-one around to contest the narrative."
"I suppose… Though you really have grown into a good mother."
"I had a lot of practice."
"Oh I bet you did."
"Ha, ha. Very funny."
"Who said I was joking?"
"Ha," Moxxi chuckled mirthfully. "So… Should we tell them now?"
"When Artemis gets back from her day out. Best to get it out of the way quickly. Like ripping off a band aid."
"Or a road trip quickie in a convenience store bathroom~"
"Glad to see some things haven't changed," Paula sighed with a small grin.
If there were anyone you could be candid with, it was Madeline "Mad" Moxxi.
*GIVING THANKS*
The subject of the day's photo shoot for 'Vincent' and Gwendolyn were matching outfits comprised of turtlenecks, wintry pants, winter boots, and long coats. While each was stylized for the frame of their respective gender, 'Vincent's' attire was prepared in dominantly red with black accents, while for Gwendolyn it was white with pink accents.
According to Re-L who left the technical specs behind in the changing room, their outfits were made with a new "super-textile" fabric that Real Fashions had recently finished testing and were beginning to release into the open market. Supposedly this "Warm-Weave", while thinner than its contemporaries, provided a level of warmth and comfort that exceeded all other non-military textiles on the open market. This was apparently done to counter the logarithmic curve of thickness-to-heat ratios that burdened other textiles, meaning in the future as this "Warm-Weave" was further refined, those in hostile locations like Antarctica wouldn't have to wander around outside "looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters".
Those were literally the words on the bio…
At least the R&D nerds had a sense of humor.
"Face it, tiger. You just hit the jackpot!" Gwen smiled as she stood in front of him, her turtleneck and tight-fitting pants clinging closely to her frame, whereas Virgil's own wintry pants were a little baggier where it really mattered. "Snrk!"
"Something funny?" he asked as she snorted cutely.
"Nono, just an inside joke," Gwen giggled. "You look good. Very…" she trailed off before sidling up to him, "warm~" she cooed throwing his arm around her.
The next moment a flash of light stunned the both of them, leaving the two teens reeling in ocular shock.
"Love the energy, but let's save some for the outdoors, yeah?" Yoko requested.
"Right, right…" Virgil said blinking his eyes clear, which seemed to be doing so faster than Gwen. "Here. Take my hand until your eyes clear up."
"Thanks, Vincent, you're such a sweetheart," Gwen blinked, still out-of-focus.
"Awwww~" Artemis cooed sweetly. "I'm gonna barf," she visibly retched.
"Well I think they have great chemistry," Megan argued.
"Yeah, you'd think that, wouldn't you?"
"Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty," Yoko chided. "Let's at least stay civil until we get to the car."
*GIVING THANKS*
One trip around the corner later…
"This is your car?" Virgil blinked as they came to a stop in the nearby parking garage.
"What, you think it doesn't suit me?" Yoko pouted.
"It's not that. I just always thought you'd drive something a little… flashier," Virgil admitted as he stared at the cherry red "soccer van" Yoko owned; plain, unassuming, and completely ordinary in every way.
"I think you and I both know I get enough attention as-is," she said gesturing to herself. Even in completely modest pantsuits, the busty photographer was still turning heads.
Honestly, it was like passerby had nothing better to do than ogle whatever hot piece of ass was walking down the street…
"Yeah, you're probably right," Virgil admitted, scratching his nose. "Well, I guess it's a good thing you have a van, otherwise I'd have to leave my entourage behind."
"You can call them your 'fanclub'. No-one will fault you for it," Yoko grinned.
"Urrgh…!" Virgil groaned as aforementioned "fanclub" tittered at him behind his back. "Let's just get this out of the way…"
*GIVING THANKS*
True to Yoko's word, she by herself, even in a perfectly-modest pantsuit, didn't need any help garnering people's attention with a flashy car. That-much was evident by the gob smacked look that pedestrians and fellow motorists sent the woman whenever they stopped at a light or street corner.
The blatant expressions of lust and desire on their faces disgusted Virgil down to his very core, but for the sake of his "fan club" he schooled his expression into the look of one who'd bitten down into a lemon. Artemis at the least seemed to catch on where Zatanna and Megan didn't, but she did a better job of hiding it than he did. Were it not for the slight twitch at the corner of her mouth, he'd have never known she were thinking untoward thoughts to any of the perverts and deviants they passed.
A short drive later and they came to a stop out in front of Gwen's home; a street-side brick house two stories tall nestled between phantom siblings on either side that lined the street. It was unassuming, definitely upper-middle class, the sort of thing that cost a great deal of money to put a down payment for, let alone pay off in an economically-rich port city like Bludhaven.
"This is my place. 321 South Main Street," Gwen announced with a wave of her hand, a light snicker coming out of her mouth at the end.
"What's so funny?" Artemis asked warily.
"Nothing, nothing, just a little inside joke…~" Gwen tittered merrily before schooling herself.
"Unless someone famous lived here, I doubt there's any joke to be had," the blond said skeptically.
"Wait, this is actually your house?" Virgil asked incredulously. "Aren't you worried about people knowing where you live?"
"Not really. My cruncle can be terrifying with a boombox."
"Don't you mean 'boomstick'?" Artemis asked.
"No."
"Wait, what do you mean by 'cruncle'?" Zatanna asked.
"My crazy uncle," Gwen replied without an ounce of shame. "He has brain cancer, but it's a high-functioning brain cancer, so he can still find work."
"What does he do for a living?" Megan asked.
"He's a freelancer."
"Like what? Freelance art?" Zatanna asked.
"If the job calls for it, sure," Gwen shrugged.
"Don't worry, Vincent. No-one'll know this is where she really lives," Yoko hummed making the final adjustments to her equipment. "We'll remove any identifying markers in-post. No-one'll know it's her actual house, they'll just assume it's a rental or a backdrop."
"That's good to know…" Virgil hummed. "Sooo… What exactly is my 'motivation', here?"
"Two teens going out on a cold, autumn day, having a great time. You know, the usual date scene," Yoko answered. "Just act natural, leave getting the money shots to me. Pretend I'm not even here."
"Yeah, that's easy for you to say…" Zatanna hummed as she eyed the red-head's curvaceous frame, and then looked down at her own.
"Don't worry, Zatanna, I'm sure that someday, you will be as tall and curvy as she is," Megan stated earnestly.
"If she winds up looking like that, she'd need one hell of a stick," Artemis huffed, a slight dusting on her cheeks before she tore her gaze from Yoko's derriere. "Seriously, what's that guy's deal?"
"What do you mean?" Megan asked.
"Ugh-I mean, how can he look at her with a straight face?"
" . . . I don't understand your question," Megan answered after a moment, Artemis yowling in impotent fury and pulling at her hair.
*GIVING THANKS*
"I thought watching a model at work would be more captivating… but honestly… I'm bored out of my skull right now," Artemis hummed what felt like an eternity later as she watched Virgil and Gwen at "work".
"Work" with big quotation marks around it.
After Yoko got her static shots of the two's "rendezvous" in front of Gwen's house, they proceeded to follow after as they went on a "date", Yoko taking candid shots whenever opportune. The "date" they went on was mainly window shopping in the better part of Bludhaven; certainly better than any part of Gotham Artemis had been to. After the window shopping Yoko directed them towards an outdoor café where they ate in the November chill, yet despite the thinness of their garb they seemed completely comfortable whereas others were miserable in twice the clothing.
This of course made Artemis wonder why they were dining outside in the first place.
"You know, you're awfully lippy for someone eating for free," Zatanna huffed as she bit into her pastry, courtesy of Yoko.
"You know, you're awfully 'lippy' for a Catholic schoolgirl," Artemis huffed back.
"Please don't fight," Megan pleaded. "You'll disrupt Yoko's concentration."
"Trust me, it'll take a lot more than two teenagers squabbling like toddlers to mess with my aim," Yoko said casually as she adjusted the telescopic lens for a close-up. "You two could be firing mortars for all I cared."
"What did you used to do before becoming a photographer?" Megan asked inquisitively.
"Military."
"Well, that'd explain the mortar metaphor," Artemis hummed.
"Who said that was a metaphor?" Yoko returned frankly.
*GIVING THANKS*
Meanwhile, with "Vincent" and Gwendolyn as they "worked"…
"So, Gwen…" Virgil hummed as he nursed his beverage. "How'd you get into this line of work, exactly?"
"Same way you did, I guess. Ms. Mayer spotted me out, thought I had potential," Gwen shrugged. "Course, this isn't what I wanna do forever, but I figure I can make some money and connections in the meantime."
"Oh? And what is it you want to be when you grow up?"
"A superhero~" she said with a grin.
*Sprt!*
"What, did they give you bad coffee?" Gwen asked with large innocent eyes.
"Yeah… Yeah, it must've been that…" Virgil replied tersely, finding it impossible to be angry with this adorable bundle of sunshine. "So… Superhero, huh? That's… surprising."
"Yeah, I know. I'm a 'vanilla' human, I've got no superpowers, but there's just something about the lifestyle that appeals to me," she returned.
"Well, if there's anywhere you can make 'connections' in that field, it'd be here," he replied, thinking back to the superheroes he literally had on speed dial thanks to his current line of work. And that was just some of them; if the internet was to be believed, which he accepted only with copious amounts of salt, then Real Fashions had quite a few SPBs on retainer.
That there were so many still on retainer meant even in full gathering, they weren't tempting-enough a target for super-criminals to hit in lump sum.
That or they tried and they were never heard from again…
"So, do you always internally monologue this much on your 'dates' or what~?"
*Sprt*Cough*Cough!* "Hah?!"
"You just had that look on your face; you know?"
'She says she's a 'vanilla human', but that level of intuition is frightening,' Virgil mused to himself. "Sooo… Anyone specific inspire that… life goal…? Wonder Woman? Black Canary?"
"Naw. I've been engrossed in Heroes all my life," Gwen waved off. "Comic books, video games, fanfiction. If it had life-endangering capes and the ladies' costumes pandered to gender roles, I was into it!"
"Ah… I never really saw the appeal, to be honest."
And he really hadn't. In a world where superheroes had been real and in the public eye since World War II, comics about fictional superheroes were pretty niche. The real money was in comics about real or fictional/theoretical battles between good and evil featuring real-life superheroes and supervillains; and there was no shortage of cults and terrorist organizations when the comic book artists needed filler between major story arcs.
There were many smaller companies and fictional universes, but the Incredible comic book universe, owned by Disney featuring such heroes as Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, Frozone among countless others, was the biggest name in fictional-hero comics in a world where the extraordinary in some cases, was "just ordinary".
And that didn't even touch the endless amount of fanfiction made by lonely nerds on the internet, or what was being made overseas where Kaiju were a near-and-present threat...
"Let me guess, you're one of those people who thinks that Heroes always stomp the bad guys, but they don't really make the world 'a better place'?"
"Um…"
At least she hadn't called him out on internally monologuing.
"Oh no, I totally get where you're coming from," Gwen was quick to wave off. "I mean, you're right, but if Heroes just killed Villains willy-nilly, we'd be looking at an Injustice: Gods Among Us scenario within a month."
"Injustice…?"
"Oh, you know; 'nightmare scenario' where Superman goes over the deep end and becomes a tyrannical 'God King' with a stupid Pope hat," Gwen answered with a hand wave. "Okay maybe the 'stupid Pope hat' is a biiit of an exaggeration… but the tyrannical Superman thing still sticks."
"That… does sound legitimately horrifying," Virgil hummed aloud.
And it was probably something every government agency on the planet planned for.
"Don't worry, I'm sure if it really came down to it, Batman would swallow his pride and break 'the one rule' with a Kryptonite bullet," Gwen hummed.
"Well, you'll excuse me if I choose to focus on one 'nightmare scenario' at a time…" Virgil hummed aloud.
Even though he'd left the Red Zone behind, by some miracle… what he saw in Manhattan still haunted him, and if the Mercer Virus ever reached the mainland… That was quite literally "the stuff of nightmares". He wasn't nearly so-altruistic that he'd give up his life saving some random civilian from some random meta throwing a random temper tantrum in some random part of first-world America… but if it came down to laying down his life so he could put that freak Mercer six feet under and stop the Mercer Virus for good…
He supposed he could think of worse causes to die for.
"You're internally monologuing again."
*Sprt!*
*GIVING THANKS*
"What do you think they're talking about?" Megan hummed aloud, wondering if perhaps the spit-takes Virgil did into his mug was a nuance of Human linguistics she didn't yet understand.
Having come from a species that didn't orally communicate with itself, barring religious circumstance where such things were common, Megan was completely lacking in any sort of lip-reading ability that a native Human might take for granted. Her Uncle had spent half a centuryon Earth and would probably be able to tell; but for her, it just felt weird not knowing what was in a friend's mind.
She was still trying to get used to the idea of "privacy" and "secrets"; something that was borderline non-existent on Malacandra. The very idea still felt "wrong" to her, but she was growing to understand how the sanctity of one's thoughts could be considered a "final bastion" in a world that largely lacked telepathic communication.
"Probably something boring," Artemis sighed tiredly as she nursed her drink. "Sooo… He found out your clothes all got torched and he just… bought you a new wardrobe?"
"Technically he used his employee discount," Megan corrected. "My uncle was the one to pay for it all, but the discount saved him a lot of money."
"Hm," Artemis hummed, looking at the girl's attire. "I'm not really one for 'trendy' clothes, but I did catch sight of a good-looking coat on the way into the building."
"I'm sure if you let Virgil know, he'll buy it for you as a gift," Zatanna hummed.
"I don't need a handout," she huffed indignantly.
"It isn't a 'handout' with Christmas right around the corner," Yoko hummed aloud, looking down at her camera and flipping through the numerous captured images. "Alright, I think we can work with this," she said with a nod of her head. "Vincent! Gwendolyn! Time to go!"
*GIVING THANKS*
On the way back to the Gothic Renaissance building, Gwen and Virgil exchanged contact information with one another. Though their respective views on superheroes differed, they were both in agreement that it was a wild and varying spectrum, much like concepts of sexuality and racial identity for every other person on the planet. There were heroes that wanted to save the whole damn world, most of which were on the Justice League, there were the small-town heroes who wanted to make their homesteads a better place, and then there were the outliers who did the superhero gig for more-personal reasons like revenge, freedom from societal norms… or just beating the ever-loving daylights out of the poor and/or mentally ill with a "free pass" from society at large.
And while Virgil wasn't a huge fan of the red-and-black ensemble he was wearing, he had to admit, Gwen made white-with-pink look pretty damn good.
Now if only he could figure out why his brain kept trying to remind him of its import…
Still, deciding to ruminate on that later, when they got back to Yoko's film studio, just as he was about to shed out of his thin-but-comfortable winter clothing, Yoko stopped him. The reason for which was forthcoming, but nonetheless confusing.
"I'm… sorry, could you say that last bit again?" he asked picking at his ear.
"Jojo dachi," Yoko repeated. "It's the striking of strange poses to contrast with the surrounding reality to make oneself more apparent in the foreground," she explained striking a rather unique pose with her arms bent above her head to form a square with her fingers splayed, her face turned in profile, and one knee bent with the other straight.
It also had the unintended side-effect of making her bosom more prominent than it was even normally.
"Think of it like the antithesis of stealth, or blending in," Yoko continued as though her breasts weren't captivating everyone in the room. "Idol groups, anime, manga, video games, fashion magazines, even statues that predate the concept all make use of this for the sake of visual distinction. At least in principle."
"Oh!" Megan suddenly gasped. "You mean like from Jojo no Kimyo na Boken?"
"Uh, English, please?" Artemis queried. All she had going for her linguistically was English and a bit of Vietnamese.
"Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, written and illustrated by Hirohiko Araki! My cousin's been a huge fan of the series since it's debut!" she answered excitedly.
"I see your cousin's a fan of the classics," Yoko hummed. "But yes, in summary, 'bizarre' poses are what we'll be posting in the online gallery. It'd be a little… embarrassing for you two to do this sort of thing outside, so we'll get a few more shots in front of a green screen before I let you go."
"That still sounds like it'd be pretty embarrassing," Virgil hummed as Yoko continued to strike 'bizarre' poses amid their dialogue. "Artemis, stop staring; it's rude."
"I-I'm not staring! You're staring!" the blond stammered.
"Yes; difference is my eyes are above the neckline, whereas yours are-"
"Finish that sentence and I will end you!" she growled.
"You've got such great friends~" Gwen beamed happily.
*GIVING THANKS*
The following half hour or so of posing left Yoko's memory card filled with images of the two young fashion models that would've been right at home amongst the pages of Phantom Blood and Battle Tendency. Megan and Yoko talked avidly as the latter worked, and Virgil was surprised that Megan was interested in Japanese media as well as American.
Then again, he'd only known her a short while. She probably had all sorts of interests beyond American sitcoms from the 80s.
He had no way of knowing what sort of landscape he and Gwen would be put in on Real Fashions' online gallery, at least not until it was put online, but then again, that was kind of the whole point of his "dual identity" of "Vincent" Valentine male fashion model, and the boy who escaped Manhattan. A way to segregate his feelings between the two extremes of his life outside combat.
He idly wondered if he'd have to live under the cover of a fashion model his entire adult life, but he supposed he'd put up with whatever he had to if it meant putting down Mercer. And if barring that, helping whoever would be best-suited for putting down the most-wanted bio-terrorist in recent history. As long as Mercer paid for what he did, it didn't really matter who came by to collect the bill.
And the bill always came due. He'd make sure of it.
"Psst. You're-"
"I know, I know," Virgil sighed mid-pose. "You sure you don't have mind-reading powers?"
"Well, I'm a woman, so I've got some kind of mind-reading power~"
"Yeah, that tracks," Virgil sighed.
"Alright, that's enough for now," Yoko said aloud, Virgil and Gwen collapsing against one another a moment later, moans of- "I think I pulled my everything" -sounding in tandem from the pair. "Go on and enjoy yourselves tomorrow. Just don't fall too deep into a food coma~" she said with a wave as she left the room.
"Yeah, I'll be sure to keep that in mind…" Virgil groaned as he stretched out his back. "What about you? You got plans tomorrow?"
"Just a small get-together with me and my uncle. And possibly his half-brother, but definitely not his other half-brother," Gwen shrugged. "What about you? Big crazy get-together?"
"Something like that…" Virgil nodded, eyes flicking to his tagalongs.
"Sooo… That's done…" Artemis hummed walking over to them, glancing down at her watch. "What do we do the rest of the day?"
"Well, Bludhaven might not be 'supervillain central' like Gotham or Metropolis, but I'm still iffy on playing tour guide…" Virgil hummed with his arms crossed.
" . . . You wanna hang out with me?" Gwen offered hopefully.
*GIVING THANKS*
When his co-worker asked if he (and by extension his "fan club") wanted to hang out, the last place he expected Gwen to take them was Marcus Munitions.
No, that was literally the "last place" he expected her to be taken. He'd thought she might take them to the mall, or a comic store, or maybe in a video game store, but never the home base of a morally-questionable arms merchant.
"A gun shop?" Artemis asked curiously as the smell of gun oil and powder assailed her nostrils. Even though none in her family used them, at least on a professional level, she'd still been trained on the "how".
At least until her mom came back into the picture and put a stop to it.
"Hey, if I'm gonna be a superhero someday, I gotta bring something to the table," Gwen hummed jovially. "Marcus! How are ya!" she shouted at the rotund man behind the counter.
"Well, if it isn't my little money-maker~" the Russian merchant said jovially as he turned to them. "And what can I do for you this fine day?"
"I thought I'd shoot some guns with my friends. Just a little wholesome, all-American, Second Amendment-sanctioned fun," Gwen replied casually.
"Ah, yes, that is my favorite form of sanctioned fun," Marcus hummed with a nod, reaching under the counter before tossing Gwen a pink-and-white key. "There you go, your guns are where you left 'em."
"Hey! How come I can't stash my guns here?" Virgil asked.
"Did you ask to stash your guns here?"
" . . . "
"And that's why," Marcus hummed.
"Okay… Can I-"
"Nyet. I'm fresh out of locker space," Marcus rebuffed. "You're free to bring your own, but you can't keep them here."
"Yeah, that figures," Virgil sighed as Gwen waved them toward the stairwell. Descending down past Marcus' living and auxiliary storage space and down into the 2nd basement level, they came upon a large, less-than-immaculate-but-still-serviceable firing range with a half-dozen lanes. There was sound-insulating material on the walls, ceiling, and the inside of the door, which probably went on to explain why Virgil had never heard anything in all his time down there.
Of course that was predicated on him being in the shop at the same time the firing range was being used.
"So you shoot guns I take it," Artemis asked dryly.
"Pretty much, yeah," Gwen hummed as she went over to a corner locker haphazardly plastered with cute animal stickers and pink spray paint. Opening it up to reveal a small arsenal of guns, Artemis and Zatanna's jaws dropped, while Virgil and Megan's expressions were more subdued. "Alright, remember your basic gun safety; eye and ear protection is a must, keep the barrels of your firearms down and don't point them at another person unless you mean it," she said tossing safety glasses and earplugs over her shoulders at them. "If you don't know how to reload, I can do that for you. Now… Let's have some good old-fashioned all-American fun~" she beamed.
"Your co-worker is scary," Artemis whispered into Virgil's ear as she stared at all the guns and ammo.
"To you, maybe," the brunette returned.
"You're seriously going to let a thirteen-year-old shoot guns?" Zatanna asked incredulously as she was handed a pink P-90 with cute anime girl eyes stenciled on the side.
"Gotta start somewhen~" the pretty blond replied.
"I think that only get a pass in time travel movies," Megan hummed as she was handed a big-ass hand cannon; a Smith & Wesson Model 625 revolver.
"Don't you think that's a bit much?" Artemis asked warily, a little surprised by how-easily this freckle-faced sitcom-looking girl was handling the thing.
"Hey, this girl's stronger than she looks," Gwen said tossing her a pump-action shotgun.
" . . . Really?"
"Yes, really~" Gwen teased. "Now what about you?" she hummed turning to Virgil. "Candy store's open. Go buck wild~"
"Did that sound as dirty as I thought it sounded?" Megan whispered over her shoulder.
"Kinda did," Zatanna replied.
"Oh, okay. So I am getting the hang of innuendo," the disguised Martian hummed.
"Surprise me," Virgil shrugged after a moment.
"Alright, let's see here…" Gwen hummed turning to her locker. "Eeny, meeny, miney, this one!" she grinned as she suddenly pulled out a 7.62mm UN-ARC. "Its precision-machined long barrel gives it a greater accuracy than other assault rifles."
"Okay, but can I even use that extra range down here?" Virgil asked aloud.
*GIVING THANKS*
The following near-hour was punctuated by gunfire and the smell of powder as they perforated hang-down targets on an adjustable rail system. Gwen seemed to possess a worrying amount of skill as a markswoman, making corrections to everyone's stances. This of course was bellied by her own reckless form of dual-wielding with a pair of automatics engraved with the words Butter 2 and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter 2 on the sides.
Zatanna for her part looked rather ridiculous wielding a pink P-90 with anime eyes stenciled on the side, who/that Gwen had named "P-chan", but Virgil had to admit there was a certain cuteness to be had there. Megan was understandably stronger than she looked as she handled her 625 revolver like a water pistol, since most people tended to forget that her uncle, Martian Manhunter, was in the same ballpark as guys like Superman; it was only that people in general didn't want to think that something so "alien" could be "that strong".
Artemis let a bit of her competitive streak show and tried to use the 625 as Megan did after tiring of the shotgun… and almost cracked her skull open for the trouble.
Thankfully it was just a small cut on her brow, and among all the guns and ammo, Gwen also kept a first aid kit in her locker. Add that to a bit of magic whispered under Zatanna's breath, and the wound wouldn't even scar.
"Well… I think that's enough 'all-American fun' for one day," Virgil hummed as he pressed the bandage to Artemis' face. "What do you think, Artemis?" he asked patting it a couple times for good measure, much to her consternation.
"Yeah…" the blond grumbled brusquely, wincing as her forehead throbbed. "What should I tell my mom?"
"You mean she wouldn't have been cool with all this?" Virgil asked gesturing to Gwen as she put her firearms away.
"Not by a long shot."
"We could say she fell down some stairs," Megan offered helpfully.
"Really? That tired old line?" Artemis asked incredulously.
"Well, what else would you say? That you walked face-first into a doorframe?" Zatanna offered.
" . . . Stairs it is," Artemis conceded.
*GIVING THANKS*
"Goodbye, Gwen! We'll see you later!" Megan waved with a megawatt smile toward the departing bus, Gwen waving in turn out the rear window. "What a nice girl."
"Yeah, that's one way of putting it," Artemis huffed. Sure, her dad was an assassin and her mother an ex-supercriminal, but that didn't mean she couldn't be off-put by people with stockpiled guns out the wazu. "So… Where're my mom and I sleepin' tonight?"
"You mean you don't already know?" Virgil blinked.
"No, I don't."
"Well… Moxxi kinda already had her other tenants double up to make room for Zatannna, Megan, and their guardians, so maybe you and your mom have a pull-out sofa or something," Virgil hummed. "If it's that important to you, I'll take the couch and you two can have my room, unless Moxxi has something else planned."
"Oh, well, thanks for that, I guess," Artemis hummed as they made their way around the Red Light, if only so they wouldn't have to cut through the bar or rowdy Friday-afternoon drunks.
Doubly-so because it sounded like a barfight broke out only to be subsequently quashed by a single-
*BANG!*
*Thud*
"Sooooo… Was living in this nuthouse your only choice, orrrrrrrr…?" Artemis asked slowly as she eyed the living space above the bar.
"I was on a budget, and I helped Moxxi's kid out of a bind so I got a discount," Virgil waived off.
Not having to pay for room and board was one kind of discount, right?
Thank god Gwen wasn't around to call him out on… you know…
"So, is modeling work always that boring or what?"
"Honestly, it feels like a chore, but the same can be said for any wage-paying job to be honest," Virgil shrugged. He didn't really enjoy his work as a fashion model, but he didn't hate it either. It just felt kind of tedious having to pretend to be someone else for the sake of his cover; weak as it seemed on paper. "What about you? What do you do on your off hours?"
"Oh, you know… hang out with friends, work out…" she shrugged. "Gotham's kind of a rich man's town so unless you have money, there isn't a ton of wiggle room for what you can do recreationally."
"Hm, I see," Virgil hummed as he opened the back door for them. "You girls head on inside, I'm going to make sure the geniuses didn't get killed by… whatever was making those weird noises."
"Hey, it's your funeral," Artemis shrugged remembering that blood-chilling terror she'd felt as that auto-turret honed in on her.
"Hey, Athena, Gaige, you two still alive in there?" he asked into the intercom.
"Yeah, we're fine," Athena returned.
"Why wouldn't we be?" Gaige returned.
"Well… I'd heard some really weird noises before I left for the day-"
"Gaige left a monster movie playing in the background."
"Aaand the banging of metal?"
"Metalwork."
"Are you really… really certain that's the explanation you wanna go with?"
"Yes. Yes, we're sure," Athena replied.
"So, did they make you model for the swimsuit issue or what?" Gaige asked hopefully.
"Not this time, I'm afraid," Virgil said with a roll of his eyes. "Well, glad to hear you're still alive in there. Everything go well today? Is it safe for me to come in?"
"That depends, do you find coveralls and oil stains deeeeeply erotic~?" Gaige swooned.
"Um… Maybe? I don't know?" he answered uncertainly, idly wondering if they really were wearing coveralls with oil stains or if Gaige was just fucking with him.
" . . . Well come on in then~"
"Gaige!" Athena hissed. "Don't come in. We were just about to leave anyway, get some fresh air."
"Oh, well, alright then. I'll just wait for you out here."
"Alright. We'll meet up with you once we've freshened up."
With a nod of his head, Virgil turned away from the intercom and leaned against the opposite wall. His phone vibrating in his pocket, he looked down to see that it was the signal for a Codec call. Pressing it to his ear, he began to speak sub-vocally, something that was becoming easier with practice.
"Otacon, what's up?"
"It's Sunny, actually. Mr. Simmons put my call through."
"Oh! Sunny! How's it going?"
"Same as ever. You haven't been by for a while."
"Oh… Yeah… I've been a little busy and the boss hasn't called me in for any real work lately."
"I know. I've read your reports. You've had some interesting adventures since Boston."
"Yeah… 'Interesting' is one word for it…" he muttered.
"So, will we be seeing you for Thanksgiving? Mr. Donut has been bragging about what a great spread he has."
'Ah shit! It totally forgot!' Virgil gulped, dabbing his sweat a little. "Um… Yeah! Sure, I'll set aside some time to come down there."
"Great! I'll see you tomorrow for dinner, bye!"
"Sunny wait I-"
But she'd ended the Codec call.
" . . . Crap," he sighed. "Ah well… I'll tell her in the morning."
"Tell who in the morning?" Athena asked as she stepped out of the lab.
"Nothing you need to worry about," Virgil waved off as she and Gaige stepped into the alley. "So… Who's up for some mind-numbing television?"
*GIVING THANKS*
Artemis hadn't been formally introduced to Athena or Gaige, so the only delay to any channel surfing that the girls vegging out on the sofa had been doing was brief and momentary. Once that was out of the way, everyone spread out onto the room's medley of lounging apparati and went back to vegging out.
Thanks to Athena's… technical know-how, the Moxxi family had every channel under the sun "at a bargain price", and thus there was no shortage of programming to indulge upon. The problem was with so many wildly-contrasting personality types, there was no one program to satisfy everyone, so the peace was mostly kept by drawing names out of a hat for the half-hour timeslots that individual programs occupied.
Of course, Artemis could care less about what was playing on the boob tube. Her attention was fixated off to the side of the TV where Athena and Gaige were hanging all over Virgil.
She wasn't jealous or anything, it's just that she wondered what her acquaintance/friend had been up to since they'd first met that he'd have a pretty girl on each arm. And it wasn't only him, there was something about that Athena girl sitting to his right that bugged her. Not in the way that she was angry with the girl, but "something" was nagging at her that she couldn't identify. She'd never met the girl before today, so it wasn't like she recognized the girl from somewhere. It was just… something, but she didn't know "what".
And the "not knowing" was what bugged her.
"Hey, does anyone know where my mom is?" Artemis asked after a while.
"I think she's downstairs with mom," Rina hummed, currently in the process of wrenching the remote from Tina's grip. "Hey, V, you mind grabbing a snack? My hands're kinda full here," she said inclining her head to the kitchen.
"Sure," Virgil hummed, happy for an excuse to shrug out of the girls' grip. Ignoring Tina bitching at him for walking in front of the TV while some trashy action movie with lots of explosions was playing, he started digging through the pantry before someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah?"
"Mind passing me the cheeseballs?"
"Shaula, it's been a while," Virgil hummed as he passed over the canister to Athena's elder sister. "Work been treating you well?"
"More or less," the older teen shrugged. "I hear you did a little work for Hotel Moscow."
"Just a little," he answered mindfully. "You gonna be here for the big dinner tomorrow?"
"Naw, gotta keep Ellie and Scooter civilized," she said with a wave of her hand.
"Uhhhhhhh…"
"Relax, Ellie has a good head on her shoulders."
"So then you're there to keep Scooter civilized."
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Wait, doesn't that put you in the line of fire, though?"
"Nah. Not after what I did to him last Thanksgiving."
"What'd you do to him last Thanksgiving? Or do I not wanna know?"
"I duct taped a remote controlled taser to his balls, gave him a good shock or twenty 'til he learned his lesson," she grinned.
"I can guess Athena made that for you, but how'd you duct tape it to his balls?"
"Let's just say it didn't take much to get him to drop his pants, and leave it at that," Shaula shrugged.
"Gross," Virgil huffed. "Well, good luck with thaaat. I'll try to keep Tina from burning the house down."
"Better than you have tried," she shrugged, "but I appreciate the sentiment," she added with a pat to the shoulder. "Good luck. You're going to need it," she said angling her head toward the living room.
"Yeah, I probably will…" Virgil sighed tiredly.
*GIVING THANKS*
Right before dinner rolled around, the Fortune Hunters came back up into the boarding house, their arms laden with countless groceries. If Virgil had any lingering doubts there'd be enough food tomorrow to feed everyone, those doubts were sufficiently quashed by the sheer volume that was being brought in. Add what Giovanni and "John" brought in a brief time later, and it looked like it'd be a very satisfying Thanksgiving; unconventional ingredients notwithstanding.
"Uhhhh… Where're we going to put all this?" Virgil asked glancing between the pile of groceries and the fridge. Double-wide as it was, he doubted they could fit in all the perishables.
"Looks like it's leftover night!" Brick whooped as he started emptying the fridge of anything and everything that was pre-cooked, opening up a great deal of real estate.
"Well… I guess that answers that question," he admitted.
Meanwhile, off to the side, Artemis was eyeing Megan and John in sequence, her face scrunching up in concentration.
"So sheeeee's… what, adopted or something?"
"Artemis! Don't be rude!" Paula chastised, visibly affronted and mortified.
"Yeah, you racist cunt!" Tina piped up.
"What'd you just call me?!" Artemis growled furiously.
"A racist cunt! What are ya, deaf?"
"Hooo boy," Virgil winced, looking for a way to defuse this. "Hey Tina, did you hear about the time Artemis fell down some stairs?"
"Stairs? Ha! What a spaz!" the tiny terror cackled.
'Well, at least she isn't calling her a 'racist-'
"Artemis!"
"Y-Yes mom?"
"I can smell the gunpowder."
"URK!"
'Well, so much for that story…' Virgil hummed.
*GIVING THANKS*
In the dinner to follow, suffice it to say, none of the leftovers in the Moxxi household survived, and everything purchased from the store that day had been successfully stored away.
Artemis got a bit of a chewing-out for firing off guns even though she knew her mother wouldn't have been cool with it, but the bandage on her forehead got the point across that she'd learned her lesson. Giovanni was already acquainted with the Fortune Hunters from before but didn't let onto the deeper context of their meeting in mixed company, but he did introduce John as someone they could trust. There was a bit of a shock when the men saw Moxxi for the first time in what she usually wore while tending the bar, but they were adults so they hid their shock rather well. Artemis on the other hand couldn't hide the shock on her face when she saw what the woman was wearing.
"That's what your landlady wears for work?!"
"Hey, if it fills the tip jar, who am I to say it doesn't do its job?"
That answer didn't really seem to satisfy her, but it wasn't like the muscular blond had any choice in the matter.
After dinner, the atmosphere between Moxxi and Paula became rather somber…
"Artemis, a word?"
"Athena, can I bend your ear a moment?"
The two girls turned to their mothers before nodding. Nothing out-of-the-ordinary about a mother wanting to speak with their daughter.
What was out-of-the-ordinary was the two mothers ushering their daughters both into the same room, the living room, and urging them to sit down.
"Well that doesn't sound ominous at all," Artemis said as she and Athena did as they were bade.
"What is this about?" Athena returned.
"Paula and I… We've been keeping a secret from the two of you," Moxxi began. "Nothing bad, but since our falling-out we never had the chance to reconcile until now."
"Now that we have… we believe it's time we told the two of you," Paula continued.
"What, did the two of us get swapped at birth or something?" Artemis asked half-joking, half-worried.
"What? No! It wasn't that!" Paula said hastily.
"But we are family," Moxxi covered.
"Athena/Artemis," the two mothers said in tandem, "I'd like you to meet your half-sister."