The next morning, you wake up with fresh energy. You're kinda relieved to be in charge again, and you're just as determined to keep your promise. However, you're still not quite as relieved as you should be. Why are you still walking so heavily and slowly? There are no more obstacles, right? I was the obstacle. I was the one who prevented your happy ending. But now I'm on your side. Everything is super simple now, isn't it? You know the Underground like the back of your hand by now, and you also know how the wind blows down here. You can complete your journey without any further difficulties. Or do you still mistrust me?
"Frisk?", I whisper from inside of you on your way to the basement.
"Yes?"
"Why aren't you happy?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Come on, Frisk. Even I can sense it. You're still depressed. Something bothers you."
You smile weakly. "Wow, not bad, Chara. You seem to learn quickly how to care."
"Don't try to deflect me. What's the matter?"
You let out a deep sigh and sit down on the cold basement floor. "I did genocide, Chara. I killed everyone just because-"
"But that was a different timeline! And that timeline doesn't exist any more!"
"I still feel guilty. How could I even think-"
"My child!"
You turn around alarmed, directly looking into goaty's eyes.
"Don't go down here. And don't sit down on that cold floor. You will catch a cold. Let's go upstairs. You can sit in my warm armchair."
You let goaty take you up again without resistance. It doesn't seem like she overheard you talking with me. But I don't really understand your problem. Everyone is alive again, so why feel guilty for something that technically never happened?
While you have your usual conversation with goaty about wanting to go home, I feel anger rising inside me. She stands up, heads to the basement, and you follow her in some distance.
"You shouldn't feel guilty", I argue from inside of you. "The monsters should feel guilty for fighting you and trying to kill you when you haven't done anything. Take that goatwoman, for example. She-"
"She has a name", you reply angrily.
"But she doesn't deserve one."
"Why are you so mad at her? I don't understand you, Chara. Hasn't she treated you like her own child after you fell down here into the Underground? Hasn't she given you all her love? What has she done to you that you hate her that much?"
These questions make me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to talk about my relationship to goaty, but about yours. That's easier for me.
"Am I not right, Frisk? She wants to trap you in the Ruins forever. She doesn't care that you want to be free. She-"
"She is worried, Chara. She has seen six other children leave the Ruins and die. And she has seen you die. She only wants to protect me!"
"Protect you? She's ready to fight you! She's ready to kill you so you can't leave the Ruins!"
"You really think that?" Your voice has become higher and louder. "Toriel would never try to kill me! She just wants to see if I'm ready to survive in the Underground!"
"How can you be sure about that?"
"How can you truly think that your own adoptive mother would be so careless?" Your voice sounds terrified now. I'm kinda worried about you, but I have to open your eyes. I have to show you that the world around you isn't as nice as you think. But now you're quickening your steps. You run into the basement after goaty, and after the usual trash talk between you and her, the battle starts. Of course you know all her attacks inside out by now, but you take a few hits voluntarily. OK, I know what you're up to. You think she won't attack you any more when she sees you weakened. Man, you're so naive. But I don't say anything. It's all for your best. Goaty will soon kill you, the timeline will reset and then you'll see what kind of beings you're trying to become friends with.
At least I thought this would happen.
But instead, she actually weakens her attacks, and when you still run into her fireballs, she completely avoids to aim at you.
"See?", you whisper to me. You can hardly move a muscle any more because you've taken so many hits, but you're clearly triumphing. But I'm completely astonished.
"I... didn't expect that", I have to admit.
"Come on, Chara. Tori is so lovely. And she had more pain than me during the battle."
"Huh? You didn't hit her even once!"
You sigh. "Inner pain, Chara. Emotional pain. She didn't want to hurt me, but she also didn't want to have me killed by Asgore. Plus she feels lonely because she's lived alone in the Ruins for years, so she wanted to have someone to live with her, but she also knew that I have a right to be free. That was not an easy situation for her. She just didn't know what to do." That gives me something to think about, although I don't like to admit it.
Meanwhile, we're out of the Ruins and at the beginning of Snowdin Forest, where two certain skeletons are awaiting you. I prepare for my next verbal attack.
"And what do you say about that big simp?", I ask you while you're activating switches, petting dogs and playing minigolf-soccer.
"He's called Papyrus!" Man, you really seem determined to teach me manners. But I find it funny that you immediately knew which of the skeleton brothers I meant.
"He doesn't have a clue about anything, does he?", I continue. "Is he really so stupid that he thinks you would survive if he catches you and hands you over to that fishwoman? Or maybe he just acts as an idiot to make you think yourself safe, so he can kill you more easily?"
That really shocks you. "Chara! How can you think that of Papy? He's so cool, good-tempered and entertaining! I dream of playing with him and Sans in the snow for hours! He is so different from other adults! He's more like a big child, but he would never kill me, and I'm sure he wouldn't really want to give me to Undyne, either!"
"And I'm sure you want to prove that to me, too?"
"If you need to see it, yes, of course!"
And what can I say, you prove it. You don't avoid his attacks and let him weaken you, but he catches you while you're still alive, you easily escape from your "prison" and challenge him again. That procedure repeats two more times, and then he lets you go voluntarily, inviting you to his home for a date. I'm impressed, but I don't admit it. Instead, I insist that he's a loser.
"He's pathetic, begging for admiration and acceptance! And he's stupid! Have you seen the bars he tried to improsion you with? An elephant could have walked through those! And then his so-called puzzles! They're-"
"-really creative and well-conceived!"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am! He invented all these puzzles on his own! I don't think he got much help from Sans with them, but if he had someone who double-checks his ideas and helps him with the design, then the puzzles would surely be very challenging!"
"But his whole attitude is so ridiculous!"
"Come on, Chara, one just has to love Papy! Around him, I'm always in a good mood! He can make me chuckle on every occasion!"
"But he doesn't intend it! He's just a wimpy loser!"
"He has a big heart, Chara!"
"He has no heart at all!"
"You know what I mean!", you reply laughing, and a wave of joy flows through my mind. A moment of happiness, but it's quickly overshadowed by another very unpleasant feeling. I have to defend my opinion that the monsters don't deserve a good treatment, or otherwise... no, I can't let that happen.
Meanwhile you entered Waterfall, where a relentless killer resides. This time I will get you. There's no way you can beat me in this argument.
"So what do you say about that fishwoman? Or Undyne, if you like that better? She's completely merciless-"
"Just like you were until yesterday, Chara!"
"-but you admit it, don't you? You admit that she would kill you if she had the chance?"
I sense some unpleasant memories flashing through your mind. Memories about spears painfully hitting your body. Memories about how dying feels.
"Ah! So she did kill you during your very first battle?", I say triumphing. "She killed you although Monster Kid defended you from her and said you're his friend?"
You don't reply, which pushes me to continue.
"No counter-arguments this time, hm? So you admit that she doesn't deserve your friendship? She doesn't deserve your trust!"
"She has become a soldier to catch human SOULs. True, it wasn't good from her to kill me-"
"That sounds strongly understated!"
"-but she has made it her life task to free the monsters. And if only half of the whole human-monster-history is true, she also has good reasons to hate humans."
"I surely don't blame her for hating humans", I clarify. "But she knew that you had made it through the Ruins and Snowdin without harming any monsters. She knew that you were different, but she still made ridiculous arguments to try to justify herself to kill you. And she did not know that you had the power to reset it."
"Well... yes, that is true", you admit. "Still, she isn't completely relentless. She gave me the chance to go back instead of entering the fight. I could have walked into a shop and bought some consumables and other stuff for the fight, but I was kinda naive and thought that I could easily talk her out of the battle, as it worked with Tori and Papy. And when the battle started, she wanted to be fair. She even taught me how to block her spears. Given that she was so close to fulfilling her life-long dreams of taking the last missing human SOUL, she was remarkably honorable. She did have a bad conscience, I'm sure about that. Otherwise she wouldn't have given up after I helped her with her heat stroke on my second attempt."
"And then she became friends with you."
"Yes. She changed her mind. She has a very good side, too."
"And what makes you think that she won't change her mind again?"
You shortly hesitate. I'm already celebrating my victory, but then you shake your head as if you've just convinced yourself.
"Undyne taught me cooking, well at least she tried to. She didn't even blame me for burning her house accidently. She was one of the monsters who prevented Asgore from fighting me. And she helped defending me when Flowey attacked me. And I helped her with her relationship with Alphys. Our friendship has become quite deep already in that timeline. And she isn't the kind of person who changes her mind every day. She's very true to herself, and once she has taken me into her heart, she would do anything to protect me."
I don't reply to this. I was sure that the debate about Undyne would be an easy win for me, but now you managed to make me ponder even about her. And it feels very uncomfortable as the feeling which I'm trying to avoid is again knocking on my door. Man, it's quite not easy to be nice, is it? It was much simpler not to care about anyone.
While we had our discussion inside your mind, you've made it through Waterfall and into Hotland, now standing right before the Lab. You must have fought with Undyne the whole time when we were discussing about her. Funny, I haven't even noticed it. It must be at least your tenth walk through the Underground, that's why you needn't concentrate on the journey at all, so you can fully focus on me inside your mind the whole time.
"Let me guess", I say while you're entering the Lab. "If I say now that reptilewoman is a pathetic loser who accepts to put you in life-threatening danger with her killer robot only so that she can act as your savor, then you would say: 'First of all, she has a name, and secondly, she would never forgive herself if Mettaton really killed me because she has a good heart'. Am I right?"
You smile. "Something like that, I think, yes."
"Well, I think I kinda get your point. All the monsters down here have their good sides, right? They have a tragic history because of us humans, and they need one more human SOUL to break free. They could easily work together against you and take your SOUL, but they also have a kind of bad conscience. They have their good and their bad sides, and you're trying to focus on the good ones. Do I make any sense?"
"Well... yes, I guess that sums it up pretty well. But... you know, you also have a point. If I didn't have the power to reset, I'd already long be dead here. Undyne did have a bad conscience, but she was still determined enough to do it. And I was also killed once by Mettaton at the beginning, which Alphys could easily have prevented if she hadn't programmed him the way she did."
"So... are you really sure you can trust them? Do you really want them as friends, Frisk?"
Your answer comes remarkably quickly and determinedly.
"Yes I do, Chara. I'm absolutely sure that at the end of my first pacifist run, they were all totally on my side. And they all really cared for me, as well as I do for them. I just felt it. And I want to have it that way again."
I think I understand you better now. It could all have turned out so differently, but now that you have the opportunity to have all the monsters show you their best sides, why not use it? However, I still refuse to accept that the monsters really liked me. I'm clutching at straws, but this is the only way to keep the consequences away from me.
In the meantime, you've made further progress on your journey: you let MTT Resort and the CORE behind you, you defeated Mettaton and also befriended Alphys after visiting the True Lab. We've reached New Home, where a big group of monsters awaits you... but wait, why are they even here?
"Uhm, Frisk? Shouldn't these monsters be absent on a pacifist route? Shouldn't they all be already on the way to the throne room?"
"I just thought the same", you reply, puzzled. "Come to think of it, Flowey also hasn't phoned me as usual when I finished the True Lab. Something's odd."
Oh no, I have a very bad feeling about this. If the monsters are here, then they're surely going to tell you their story. And, although I've heard it already several times during your previous runs, I don't know if I want to hear it now, given how much I'm struggling with my feelings anyway. But there's no time to think about it further. The Froggits have already started to speak.
"A long time ago, a human fell into the Ruins. Injured by the fall, the human called out for help."
Yeah, I know. I was there when it happened.
"Asriel, the king's son, heard the human's call. He brought the human back to the castle."
Hearing that name suddenly pains me.
"Over time, Asriel and the human became like siblings. The king and queen treated the human child as their own. The underground was full of hope."
I'm getting sick, but I'm still repressing the feelings that threaten to overwhelm me.
"Then... one day... the human became very ill."
That was the start of my revenge plan. I don't know if I can listen to that much longer.
"The sick human had only one request: to see the flowers from their village. But there was nothing we could do. The next day... the human died."
I remember how I passed away. I didn't feel anything in that moment. I didn't even care about myself any more. I'm not the only one who struggles at these words. Tears are already starting to flow over your face. That's what you said you cannot understand, is it? Why I committed suicide just for revenge.
"Asriel, wracked with grief, absorbed the human's SOUL. He transformed into a being with incredible power. With the human SOUL, Asriel crossed through the barrier. He carried the human's body into the sunset. Back to the village of the humans."
Stop it! Please, stop it! I know what happened next, OK? No need to keep talking. No need to continue torturing me!
"Asriel reached the center of the village. There, he found a bed of golden flowers. He carried the human onto it. But suddenly, screams rang out. The villagers saw Asriel holding the human's body. They thought that he had killed the child."
"Chara?", you whisper softly while you're sobbing. "It's better to just allow the feelings. They'll come through to you anyway." But I can't... I have to stay strong and keep them out of my mind... so stop them from continuing the story... please...
But the monsters go on mercilessly, and every single word is hitting me like a punch by now.
"The humans attacked him with everything they had. He was struck with blow after blow. Asriel had the power to destroy them all. But... he did not fight back."
Why, Asriel? Why didn't you fight back? The plan was so ingenious! So perfect! But you...
"Clatching the human... Asriel smiled and walked away."
...no. It was all my fault.
"Wounded, Asriel stumbled home. He entered the castle and collapsed. His dust spread across the garden."
It's too much. I'm giving up and let the feelings flash through my mind. I don't even know what these emotions are, but they feel unbearable.
"The kingdom fell into despair. The king and queen had lost two children in one night. The humans had once again taken everything from us."
"Frisk...", I'm stammering desperately. "Frisk, I... I've caused so much pain and suffering..."
"Just let it out, Chara... let everything out that tortures you", you whisper softly. I try it while the storytelling finishes.
"The king decided it was time to end our suffering. Every human that falls down here must die. With enough souls, we can shatter the barrier forever."
The monsters did not deserve to be treated the way I did.
"It's not long now. King Asgore will let us go. He'll give us hope. He'll save us all."
They treated me with care and friendliness. But I...
"You should be smiling, too. Aren't you excited? Aren't you happy?"
...I humiliated them in return. As simple as that. As unforgivable as that.
"You're going to be free."
That's the end of the story. A story which I have influenced a lot, and not in a good way, to say the least.
"Frisk... I regret what I did. When I fell down here into the Underground... I was... full of hatred against humanity. I couldn't think of anything else but revenge. Yes, I was even ready to commit suicide for it. I think I didn't mind dying because I had never really felt alive. And the monsters... I couldn't see them as friends or as a family. I only saw them as tools for my plans. Asriel... Toriel... Asgore... they were all so friendly to me. They were so loving. But I... I spurned my fortune. I couldn't handle their love."
"Because you never experienced it before."
"Don't make excuses for me, Frisk! I'm ashamed, and I feel... awkward. As if my sins are crawling down on my back."
Damn, I shouldn't have said that. That last sentence made you shiver.
"Sorry, Frisk, I didn't mean to-"
"It's OK, Chara. I did that genocide. It may be deleted from the timeline, but it is not deleted from my memory."
For a few minutes, we're just standing there alone outside of Asgore's Home, looking down onto the city, and nobody says a word.
"And now?", I finally ask you in despair. "What are two ashamed and guilty feeling children supposed to do?" But the moment I ask, I already know the answer. If the storytellers were in Asgore's Home, then probably Sans will also be waiting for you in the Last Corridor. And that lies directly before us.
You look back the way we came. Some monsters are still sitting there in some distance and watch you, as if they wanted to say goodbye. Then you slowly walk towards the door.
"Go to the judge", you whisper hoarsely.