A Trip Abroad
(This trip did not and likely will not actually occur for reasons depicted below)
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Kate slipped into the window seat with a huff and a grunt and scowled as she glared down the long aisle toward the curtain separating the economy seats from the first-class seats. US Rachel struggled to stuff her backpack into the overhead baggage compartment, then fell into the aisle seat.
They had purposely booked the aisle and window seats with the hope that no one would book the middle seat, thus providing them with a bit of extra room for the eight-hour flight from New York to London. People were still boarding but so far, they were in luck.
US Rachel glanced at Kate and did not mince her words. "If you're going to sit there with a burr up your butt for the next eight hours, I'm putting on the headphones and streaming Jaws movies all night. Now, what has got you so boiling mad?"
"I wasn't expecting them to be joining us on this trip and I certainly was expecting them to be upgraded to First Class when we're stuck here in Economy," Kate snarled.
"Just put them out of your mind and try to enjoy, or at least sleep through the flight," US Rachel replied.
"How am I supposed to forget them? All I can think about is the fact that they are enjoying reclining seats, gourmet food, and free alcohol, not to mention those little first-class gift bags with slippers, a sleep mask, gourmet chocolates and who know what else, while we get stuffed into seats like sardines, and only get a can of soda and two dry, stale cookies," Kate grumbled.
A well-dressed though rather stout man in a suit stopped next to their seats and cleared his voice nervously as he glanced at US Rachel in her tee shirt that stated 'I'd Rather Be Watching Alias Smith and Jones,' a pair of tan khakis, her hair hanging in two braids and the top of her head covered with her beloved fighting Illinois baseball style cap.
"Excuse me ladies but I believe that is my seat," he said in a proper British accent. "Unless of course you two would prefer sitting together. I'd gladly change seats with one of you."
"Don't look at me," US Rachel said. I've got the aisle seat which means I've got a little extra leg room. My arthritic knees need to be able to stretch and bend or I won't be walking off of this plane when it lands."
The man gave her a polite nod and looked down the aisle to Kate.
"I rather like the window seat as I can rest my head against it to sleep," she explained.
"Well, suit yourselves, the man said and waited while US Rachel shifted her legs into the aisle so he could move past her and sit down.
Kate unfastened her seatbelt and stood. "I'm just going to go see how the boys are doing," she said but an attendant was instantly next to their seats.
"I'm sorry ma'am but passengers must stay seated until the plan is in the air."
"Ma'am," US Rachel snorted in amusement.
"You have children on the plane?" the man asked as Kate refastened her seatbelt.
"Nope, two imaginary cowboys in First-class," US Rachel told him with a nudge of her elbow.
"Imaginary? So, I'm sitting next to a nut case?" the man asked in a whispered tone.
"No, you're sitting between two nut cases," Kate replied. "Those two imaginary cowboys are Smith and Jones. Read her tee shirt!"
"Ah miss," the man said to the attendant. "As soon as it's available, I'll have a whiskey, please."
"And bring me a Pepsi," US Rachel added then turned to the man beside her. "She drives me to drink, too."
"Oh and, if there's an empty seat anywhere, I think I'd like to move. I'm willing to pay for an upgrade. Hell, I'm willing to pay for a downgrade," he said.
"I'm sorry sir," Kate said, softening her tone to a non-threatening level. "You see, we both write western fiction and, well we're really just imagining the characters in our stories and how they would… react to the modern convenience of flying. We're not really crazy. We both just have rather vivid imaginations."
"I see," he said with a look of relief.
"And her vivid imagination never stops," US Rachel added. "And when I say never, I mean never."
The man sighed heavily. "I'm afraid this is going to be a very long flight."
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They arrived at Heathrow Airport eight hours later and Kate and US Rachel gathered their belongings and, with passports in hand, they slowly filed out of the plane and into the Customs section of the airport terminal. The Customs officers were very professional and astute, and US Rachel quickly noted that only a very few passengers were pulled aside for detailed baggage inspection.
Kate, however, was paying little attention to the process as her eyes searched the surroundings for two notorious outlaws. Seeing two distinct cowboy hats bobbing among a crowd of travelers, Kate grabbed US Rachel's arm and gave it a sharp tug before pointing to a spot twenty yards ahead.
"Damn it! They're wearing gun belts and yet they pass through security as if invisible!"
"Kate, they are invisible to everyone except you and me. Besides, why not let them get themselves lost in London so you, me, and British Rachel and enjoy this short holiday?"
"You do offer a good point," Kate sighed.
Getting through Customs, the two ladies made their way to the departing transportation area on the lowest level. Outside were rows of double-parked hackney carriages and double-decker buses.
"It might be costly, but I think our best bet would be a cab," US Rachel said and raised one arm in the air to hail a hackney carriage.
"The Hilton London Tower Bridge Hotel on Tooley Street," she told the driver and she and Kate climbed into the taxi.
"Pay the man," US Rachel told Kate when the cab came to a stop in front of the hotel.
"With what?" Kate asked. "We haven't converted out cash yet."
"I'll take care of it," British Rachel said as she hurried out of the hotel to greet her US friends. "We can settle up inside."
"Rachel!" the two Americans exclaimed. "It's so great to finally meet you!"
"I could spot the two of you a mile away!" British Rachel exclaimed. "And that's not a compliment," she added quietly. "You're the epitome of tourists and Rachel's tee shirt identifies you quite clearly."
"We are what we are," US Rachel replied.
"Come on, we'll get you checked in. I got us a suite."
"Hope there's room for the boys because Kate brought them along," US Rachel told her.
British Rachel looked around the immediate area. "I don't see them, but I call dibs on a bath with the Kid," she giggled.
"They left us at the airport but I'm sure they'll show up some time," Kate told the two Rachels.
"Do they know where we're staying?" British Rachel asked.
Kate tapped her temple with one finger. "They don't have to know. They're right up here and I'm sure they'll turn up when we least expect them."
British Rachel led them up to their suite. Opening the door, the ladies were immediately greeted by the two fictitious cowboys who were the subjects of their most intimate fantasies.
"How did you get here before us?" Kate asked.
Heyes grinned. "Why do you ladies always forget that time is relative to us? Why, we've done a full tour of the town already.
"Yep," Kid replied. "We seen the Eye-Full Tower and I hafta say, it is an eyeful!"
"I think you mean the Eiffel Tower," British Rachel replied. "And it's not in London. It's in Paris, France. What you likely saw was the London Tower."
"What?" Kid asked. "You mean every town over here has its own tower?"
British Rachel walked over to the window and pointed to the Tower a half a mile away. "Is that what you saw?' she asked.
"That's it!" Kid replied excitedly.
"That's the London Tower," British Rachel told him.
"And it was built as a prison" US Rachel added.
"A prison? We ain't going back there Heyes. I've seen all I need to see of that tower," Kid said nervously. "And ladies, maybe you'd best be keeping those curtains pulled. A prison ain't a pretty site for sensitive eyes."
"It's not a prison anymore," British Rachel assured him. "And true Brits simply refer to it as the London Tower."
"It ain't a prison?"
"No, it's a tourist attraction now. That's all."
"Like Alcatraz," US Rachel added.
"What's Alcatraz?" Kid asked.
"It's a prison on an island off of San Francisco. Are you telling me none of the California writers have ever told you about Alcatraz?" US Rachel asked.
"The California writers are all compassionate and caring toward Heyes and me," Kid replied.
Both Rachels turned and stared at each other before bursting out in laughter. "Yeah, right," they exclaimed.
"Would you two mind finding something to occupy your time?" Kate asked. "The three of us want to get acquainted. Two of us haven't slept since yesterday morning so we'd like to catch a nap, get cleaned up, and do a little sightseeing."
"So, you want us to stay out of your hair," Heyes concluded. "Come on Kid. We know when we're not wanted.
"We'll let you know when it's time for a bath," British Rachel called to them as they stormed out the door.
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"I know you both got a little sleep but I'm also sure the jetlag hasn't hit you yet. Maybe we should take a tour bus around the city this afternoon. We could sit in the upper deck and see all the tourist sites and then tomorrow I'll show you the real town," British Rachel suggested when the three were again alone in the room. "With just a three-day visit, we have a lot to cram into a little time."
"Rachel, something just occurred to me. Who's watching all your rescue animals while your off in another country?" Kate asked
US Rachel smiled. "I convinced Wheat and Kyle to look after them. I figured they know at least a little something about the care of horses and farm animals in general."
"Finally, a backup plan!" Kate exclaimed. "Now the adventures are limitless!"
"I'll decide that after I get home and see what kind of damage they've done," US Rachel replied.
"Rachel, how far are we from Liverpool? I'm a big Beatles fan," Kate said.
"It's about a four-hour drive, but some of the countryside is beautiful. We could do that tomorrow if you like."
"Oh, I'd like," Kate told her.
"Me too," US Rachel added.
"There's a tour bus stop just a block from here. The buses run at the top of each hour so we'd better hurry if we want to make the noon bus. That will get us back here by four-thirty and we can ready ourselves for dinner," British Rachel informed her American friends.
"I just hope the boys don't get in too much trouble on their own in a foreign country," Kate mumbled as they filed out of the room.
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Four and a half hours later three very tired ladies stepped off the lift at the eighth floor of the Hilton London Tower Bridge Hotel and stopped dead in their tracks. Emanating from their room halfway down the hall was a sound that US Rachel described as a cross between a dying hyena and fingernails scraping a chalk board. The three ladies looked at each other with sheer dread on their faces.
"I ain't got no mother. I ain't got no father. No sister and no brother to take good care of me."
"Tis a gift to be simple. Tis a gift to be free. Tis a gift to come down where you ought to be."
"Oh, what have they done," Kate bemoaned.
"We've got to stop them!' British Rachel exclaimed. "The hotel management will boot us right out of here if that goes on much longer!"
Three far from distinguished looking women bolted down the hall and burst into the room, then once again stopped dead in their tracks and stared with mouths agape.
"Hey!" Kid shouted as he skillfully caught the cigar that fell from his mouth. "They got a hot springs right here in the room!"
"That's not a hot springs!" British Rachel scolded. "It's called a jacuzzi, and it's for paying guests only. Now get out!"
Heyes and Kid, obviously quite drunk, looked at each other, then shrugged.
"If you insist," Heyes said as he started to stand, and the ladies suddenly realized the real show was about to begin.
"Stop!" British Rachel and Kate shouted simultaneously.
"No! No! No! This is exactly what I've been waiting for my entire life!" US Rachel exclaimed.
"Well, which will it be?" Heyes asked and sunk back down into the water.
"You two are drunk!" Kate exclaimed.
"Yep," Kid replied. "We took a walking London Pub tour. We started at Blackfriars on Fleet Street."
"Better known to the locals as the Street of Shame," Heyes added.
"And we ended the afternoon a couple of blocks from a placed called Covent Garden where there was a cluster of popular Pubs. The British import some very fine whiskey."
"I'll call room service and order a pot of coffee," Kate said and headed across the room to the phone.
"Probably ought to order dinner, too," British Rachel told her. "It doesn't appear we can leave these two alone for a minute."
"Look where they are," US Rachel said. "Why would we want to?"
"Hello, Room Service? This is room 819. I'd like to order two large pots of strong back coffee and enough fish and chips for six," Kate spoke into the phone.
"There's only five of us," British Rachel reminded her.
"I'm thinking of Kid's appetite," Kate replied.
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A couple of hours later two sober but hungover and slouched cowboys sat dressed in plush white Hilton Hotel complimentary robes at the foot of one of the beds while the three ladies nibbled at the few remaining chips on the table.
"You ladies are enjoying this, aren't you?" Heyes said while resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
"It's no wonder it took so long for you two to get your amnesty," Kate replied. "You just can't be trusted."
"Kate, go easy on them. They were just exploring the town in the best way they knew how," US Rachel said.
"And they did present a very nice image as they climbed out of the jacuzzi," British Rachel added.
"But I was so looking forward to an authentic British dinner," Kate replied.
"Fish and chips is about as authentic as it gets," British Rachel told her.
"So, what do we do the rest of the evening?" US Rachel asked. "They won't be any fun. They're just going fall into a drunken sleep."
"We ain't drunk no more!" Kid exclaimed, then suddenly winced and cupped his forehead in his hands. "But sleep might be the best thing for us," he confessed.
"If we go out for a while, do you two promise to stay in this room?" British Rachel asked.
Two heads very cautiously nodded. "We do," they replied.
British Rachel looked at her two female companions. "There's a Jack the Ripper Walking Tour…"
"Oh, count me in!" US Rachel exclaimed and looked at Kate with a sinister grin. "This ought to be scary," she exclaimed.
"You don't plan to sleep at all on this trip, do you?" Kate asked.
"I can sleep on the plane," US Rachel replied. "I don't plan to waste a minute of my one and only trip to England. Let's face it, we Flower Girls are not likely to ever all be in the same room again."
You do have a point," Kate admitted. "Alright, let's go!"
British Rachel turned to the boys and pointed an accusing finger. "You take so much as one step out of this room, and we'll know it, and I promise you, there will be hell to pay."
Kid looked at Heyes and grinned. "Hard to take her seriously when she talks so pretty, ain't it?"
"The British soldiers talked pretty in the Revolutionary War too, Kid. But there was still hell to pay," Heyes replied.
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"Well, I would hardly call that scary," Kate said at the conclusion of the two-hour walking tour of Jack the Ripper sights."
"No? Then why did you let out that blood curdling scream when that black cat run in front of you in the alley back there?" US Rachel asked.
"I was trying to add to the effects," Kate lied.
"Is that why you said you wished the Kid had come along with his six-shooter?" British Rachel asked.
"Speaking of the Kid, we'd better be getting back to check on those two," Kate replied, trying to redirect the two Rachels from the fact that she had really spent the past two hours in a continual state of fight-or-flight.
"It is getting late, and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow," British Rachel reminded them.
Arriving back at the hotel, the ladies were surprised to find Heyes and the Kid playing Blackjack on the balcony.
"What do you ladies have planned for tomorrow?" Heyes asked as he gathered up the cards before he and Kid joined the ladies inside the room.
"A trip to Liverpool to see the hometown of the Beatles," US Rachel told them.
"The who?" Kid asked.
"Not The Who, The Beatles!" US Rachel exclaimed.
Kid and Heyes looked confused but shrugged it off.
"You mind if we tag along?" Kid asked.
"I think that would be in everyone's best interest," British Rachel replied.
"I know it's not the original, but I want to see The Cavern," Kate said excitedly.
"We're going spelunking?" Heyes asked. "I suppose you're hoping to find ten foot tall, red-headed Indians."
"The Cavern is a nightclub, speak-easy…. It's a tavern," US Rachel explained.
Kid grinned. "The Cavern Tavern? Sounds fun."
"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I need some sleep. There are three beds and each one of we ladies gets a bed. You two can share the pullout sofa," Kate said emphatically.
A look of utter astoundment filled US Rachel's face. "Are you serious? Three women and two handsome cowboys…."
"No," Kate replied. "This is my account of our trip and we're keeping it clean!"
"Oh," US Rachel growled. "Jetlag turns you mean. You just wait till I get back to my notebook. I'm gonna write a whole other version of this adventure."
"I think I'm the one that write's those stories best," British Rachel confessed. "But don't worry, you'll have a good time with Heyes while Kid and I enjoy the jacuzzi."
"I'll make sure you get over your jetlag," British Rachel replied innocently while giving US Rachel a sly wink.
"I think we'd best all turn in for the night before this gets ugly," Heyes told them. "Come on Kid, let's figure out what a pullout sofa is."
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Heyes and Kid felt right at home with a traditional British breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, fried bread and beans, all of which Kid ate in double portions, then offered to clean the ladies' plates as well. Then everyone climbed into British Rachel's classic Jaguar for the trip to Liverpool.
Finding the seating a wee bit cramped, US Rachel sat in Heyes' lap in the back seat while Kate sat on Kid's lap in the passenger front seat. Soon they were out of the city and enjoying the beautiful British countryside.
"Kid, could you move your holster further back on your hip," Kate asked as she shifted slightly in his lap.
"Ah, that ain't my holster you're feeling," Kid stated with a little embarrassment.
Kate and British Rachel exchanged nervous side-ways glances and British Rachel immediately slammed the breaks and pulled the car over to the side of the road before throwing it into park and turning toward Kate.
"I don't care if you've never driven on the left side of the road," British Rachel exclaimed. "You're driving and I'm riding shotgun!"
Kate bit her lower lip as she felt something twitch beneath her. Choosing not to create a scene, she quickly nodded her head and reached for the door handle.
Two minutes later, with Kate now behind the wheel, they started off once again toward Liverpool and three hours after that they were reaching the city limits.
"Pull into that parking lot that says Ferry Transport," British Rachel told her. "We'll take the ferry across the Mercy.
Three ladies looked at each other and smiled broadly before reaching into the air for imaginary microphones.
"So, ferry 'cross the Mercy and always take me there, the place I lo-ove. People around every corner. They seem to stop and say, we don't care what your name is boy, we'll never send you away."
"I don't ever wanna hear you ladies making fun of our singing again because we won't hesitate to remind you of this rendition of… a river ballad of yours," Heyes told them.
"Oh boys, if only you had lived in the 60s," US Rachel told them.
"We did. The 1860s and it was a war zone," Heyes replied.
"Unfortunately, so were the late 1960s. Just a different battlefield," Kate replied.
"But in the early 60s the Beatles came on the scene," British Rachel added, "And music has never been the same since. Come on, let's go explore."
"I knew most people in Liverpool were working class, but I never realized just how industrial it was," Kate said as she leaned on the ferryboat railing and gazed at the city before her.
"I think our best bet would be to take the two- or three-hour tour. They are basically the same tour, but the three hour gives you more time to walk about and explore a bit," British Rachel explained.
"I take it you've done this before?" US Rachel asked.
"Nah, I just did a Google search when you said you were coming for a visit. Both tours take you past John, Ringo, Paul, George, and Brian Epstein's homes when they lived here. Also, the Cavern Club, Strawberry Field, Penny Lane, and St Peter's Church where John and Paul met. I will warn you, the tour's not cheap."
"How much?" US Rachel asked.
"They start at 85 pounds."
US Rachel uttered whistle. "Well, you only live once, I guess."
"You boys stay close and don't go getting into any trouble," Kate warned the Kid and Heyes.
"Sometimes she sounds more like a mother than a lustful old lady," Kid grumbled.
"I heard that," Kate snapped back at them.
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After a very fun day, they returned to the hotel near midnight, exhausted but wired. They ordered room service food, showered and set about packing for their departure the next morning.
"Do you realize we've been here all this time and never so much as got a glimpse of Buckingham Palace," US Rachel remarked.
"If we leave a little early for the airport, I can swing by there for you," British Rachel replied.
"You're taking us to the airport?" Kate asked.
"It's on my way."
"Then why didn't you pick us up at the airport?" US Rachel asked.
British Rachel sighed. "This is a small country and I have a lot of friends here. I want to keep them."
"Meaning?"
"Well, I figured our boys might be with you and I just didn't want to be caught in the middle of… well, you know how they can be sometimes."
"We heard that!" two male voices shouted from the jacuzzi.
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"So that's Buckingham Palace," British Rachel said as they drove down a busy street a good block away from the royal grounds.
"Where's the moat?" Kid asked.
"It's a palace, not a castle," US Rachel replied.
"There's a difference?" Kid asked.
"Apparently, since this ain't got a moat," Heyes replied.
They reached the airport with plenty of time to spare.
"Rachel, it's been a pleasure, especially in the car yesterday," Kid told the British lass as the group stood outside her car, about to embark on the flight home.
British Rachel smiled. "I do dream big," she replied.
Kid nodded. "And you have no idea how much I appreciate that."
Overhearing the conversation, Heyes rolled his eyes. "Come on Kid, let's see about another upgrade. Rachel, you've been the perfect hostess."
With the boys now inside the terminal, US Rachel and Kate turned their attention to their friend.
"Heyes is right, this really has been wonderful," Kate told her. "And I know I had as much fun driving that car as you did…. Well, we'll just leave it at that."
"It has been great, despite those two outlaws," US Rachel added.
"Admit it, it would not have been nearly as exciting without them," British Rachel said with a chuckle. "Besides, if it weren't for them, we wouldn't even know each other."
"Just goes to show you, there really is a little good in those two pretty good badmen," Kate concluded.
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Author's Note: Given the subject matter, both Rachels reviewed this fine piece of literature (destined to become a classic), prior to posting, and the author would like to thank them both for allowing this writer to include them in the subject matter. Obviously, all characters are an exaggeration (we're really much nicer than this story suggests). Also, I don't think British Rachel really owns a Jag, but I can dream big, too.