Horse Sense

(I, Kate am providing here only the basic dictation that I transcribed for our two fictitious outlaws when they stopped by (unannounced, of course), seeking access to a sounding board. The reader can use his or her own imagination to visualize the many, many expressions of frustration, irritation, skepticism and maybe even some anger expressed by the three individuals involved. As I said, I am providing nothing more than the dialogue and I take no responsibility for the content that follows. Sincerely, Kate).

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HEYES: "First of all, I want to be clear that Kate has no part in any of what me and the Kid are about to say here. Anything that get's typed has come straight from Kid's or my mouth to Kate's fingers on her keyboard. All she's doing is typing what we say."

KATE: "Excuse me Heyes but, well I did reserve the right to clarify here and there should I deem that to be beneficial or necessary."

KID: "She's right there Heyes. She did say she'd be butting in with her own two cents if you started climbing onto your high horse."

HEYES: "Well, at any rate, we came to her seeking the means to offer some insight to some issues that we've noticed you readers and episode watchers can't always seem to agree on. Now, our Grandpa Curry always said that if you want to talk horse sense, the first thing you've gotta do is find a horse with some sense."

KID: "And being as we couldn't find one, Heyes decided he and I could fill that void; although in Heyes' case, I think you folks are getting stuck with a jackass."

HEYES: "And a stubborn old mule, of course."

KATE: "It might be a good idea to actually get to your point fellas."

HEYES; "Fine, have it your way, as usual. Why don't we just start with the elephant in the room. It seems to us…."

KID: "Heyes, what's with all the animal references? Horses, jackasses, mules, and now elephants. You didn't tell me that this was gonna be a lesson in zoology."

HEYES: "And you didn't tell me you were gonna interrupt me every two seconds! Now, may I continue?"

KID: "By all means."

Heyes: "The… elephant in the room is the question as to whether the Kid and I are in fact cousins, or simply partners. Well, I can think of one example when we was in Lordstown that I just flat out called the Kid cousin. Now I wouldn't call him that if it weren't true. I mean, that would be like lying about… about our names."

"KID: "You mean like Grant and Gains or Hotchkiss and Rembacker?"

HEYES: "Let me cite a better example. If you folks recall the time Kid and me visited King City after spending a few months mining for gold, I happened to make a less than complimentary quip about the Irish and Kid replied with…."

KID: "Our grandfather was Irish!"

Heyes: "That's right, He said our." Now, being as his name is Curry and mine is Heyes, the logical explanation is simply that the Kid's father and my mother were siblings. The Kid's ma and my pa were outsiders until they married into the Curry clan. That in itself gives credence to a prior statement I made once referring to the Kid's mother as a crook, and if you are familiar with that statement, you might also recall that Kid made no attempt to deny that fact."

KID: "Now I know it's a jackass doing the talking! My ma was not a crook, Heyes!"

KATE: "Boys, that one sounds more like a personal dispute. Perhaps you should save that for a private conversation between the two of you?"

KID: "No! I wanna get this cleared up once and for all! The reason you say my mother was a crook was because you was always cooking up schemes that got the two of us in trouble and my ma would say if you weren't careful mister, you'd end up living a life of crime!"

"HEYES: "Exactly, from the voice of experience."

"KID: "Experience of being a mother, not a crook!"

HEYES: "I guess you, me, the readers, and the watchers will all hafta to just agree to disagree on that one. Let's just move on."

KID: "Be my guest."

HEYES: "Another questionable period is that separation year as some folks like to call it. It's true that was when I joined up with Jim Plummer for a spell, but the Kid didn't just drift around aimlessly, honing his gun skills and drifting from place to place."

KID: "You weren't even there, Heyes. Why are you telling this part?"

HEYES: "Well, I do have the silver tongue but, if you insist, you tell em what you were doing."

KID: "I spent that year in Texas where I met up with Joe Horner and rode with him and his gang for a spell. When you left the Plummer gang you came down to Texas and joined up with us and a couple of months later, the two of us headed back to Wyoming. End of story."

"HEYES: "That ain't the end of the story. Tell everyone just why we headed back to Wyoming."

KID: "You really want me to do that? Heyes…I said, do you really want me to do that?"

HEYES: "No."

KATE: "I do! When I agreed to act as your secretary Heyes, you agreed to not leave anything out. Kid, you've got to tell us why the two of you came back to Wyoming."

KID: "We was riding with Joe when Heyes came up with the brilliant idea of the Hanford Job where I got shot in the leg by friendly fire, I might add, and we netted a total of seventy-three dollars!"

KATE: "Friendly fire? Who shot you in the leg?"

KID: "Who do you think?"

"Kate: "Noooooo. Really?"

"HEYES: "And Kid decided outlawing was too dangerous and he wanted to walk away from it all."

KID: "I couldn't walk away from it even if I wanted to. You made sure of that."

HEYES: "So us becoming outlaws is all my fault?"

KID: "I'd never go so far as to say that."

HEYES: "Thank you."

"KID: "But I'd defend your right to say it!"

KATE: "Maybe it's time to take a break, have a beer!"

KID: "No, we're fine. Let's just get this confab over with."

HEYES: "Well, I've only got one more issue to talk about during this visit and that's the problem some folks seem to have with the timeline of, well of pretty much our entire lives. Some folks seem to think that the Border Wars and the Civil War and our childhood ages don't seem to add up exactly and of course that then spills over into our adult lives"

KID: "You know, I have often wondered about that myself."

HEYES: "In your case Kid, it's likely a matter of your stunted arithmetic skills."

"KID: "Very funny, Heyes."

KATE: "Boys, there's no point being sarcastic with one another. Just stick to the topic."

HEYES: "You're right. I'm sorry Kid. Now, getting back to that timeline; the truth is the Kid and me are as stumped as everyone else about that. I suppose we could whack-a-mole on that subject all day long and never find a workable solution."

KID: "There you go again referencing animals. What's with this sudden infatuation with barnyard creatures and wildlife?"

HEYES: "I guess I'm just thinking about another old saying that Grandpa Curry used to tell us and how it related to fretting over these details after fifty-plus years of watching episodes and reading stories."

KID: "I know exactly what saying you're talking about."

HEYES/KID: "No sense closing the barn door after the horse is out."

KATE: "Now that is some good horse sense. So, fellas, are we done for the day?"

HEYES: "We are as far as I'm concerned."

KID: "But, if we ever have a conversation like this again the first thing we're discussing is the lopsided odds of that magic coin of yours, Heyes."