The adventurers behind me had the right idea of running away, screaming like little girls.

Really, I should've known a doomsday machine like the Mobile Fortress Destroyer would have a self-destruct sequence. It's standard evil mad scientist protocol for badness' sake! I have no idea how that managed to slip my mind! Just chalk it up to my irrational fear of spiders overtaking my senses I guess...

Uh, anyway, we're boned.

I slid down the wreckage of the JackMech (totally not falling flat on my ass) and rushed over to where Darkness stood. The woman practically bore holes into the Destroyer's flashing red eyes, which was actually a little intimidating for me given the rocky relationship I currently had with her and the others. Still, someone had to be the voice of reason right now.

"OKAY, fun's over!" I declared. "We had a good run, gave it our best shot, clearly it wasn't enough. We need to leave yesterday! The JackBots have our stuff packed, if we leave now we might still be able to -"

"I refuse."

Darkness made her defying statement plainly. The stark determination in her eyes never faltered as she continued to stare at the literal bomb in front of her. "There's still a chance to stop this, I know it. As long as there is time, we must do everything we can to prevent the Destroyer's detonation."

I concentrated really hard on suppressing my panic twitches.

"Oh, Darkness...do you get a sick kick out of seeing me cry or what!? I thought you were a masochist, not a sadist!"

"This is not about you, Jack!" The Crusader practically barked, finally tearing her piercing gaze away from the Destroyer and directing it at me. She pointed at the retreating crowd as she did so. "This is about them, all the people in Axel! They are going to die if someone doesn't find a way to stop this! I cannot in good faith turn my back and run when there is still an opportunity to save them! I would sooner die than disgrace myself in such a manner!"

While I did back away fearfully when she scolded me like that, something within prevented me from folding in on myself like usual. Instead, I hardened my own eyes at her and said, "You know what? I don't care. You're coming with me whether you like it or not!"

Not giving Darkness a chance to get a word in edgewise, I angrily stomped past her and pulled her arm along with me…

Only to get yanked back not a microsecond later.

I looked back at the stubborn Crusader. She still hadn't moved, but she did return to gazing into the Destroyer's flashing eyes, seemingly ignoring me at this point.

Growling in frustration, I tugged at her arm again, attempting to pull her alongside me. Darkness never budged.

I used both my arms and pulled as hard as I could, clenching my teeth and making those weird mouth sounds I heard help when you're trying to drag something heavy. She still didn't move.

I jumped up, firmly planted my feet into her back, and put my own back into yanking her arm away as hard as humanly possible. Take a guess on what happened next…That's right, she finally realized the error of her ways and allowed me to drag her away to safety!

No, of course not! Because that would make too much sense! She stood like a boulder and I ended up pulling a muscle! Almost forgot there was a reason I always skipped gym class.

Picking myself up off the ground, I grit my teeth and yelled, "We all know why you're really doing this anyway! You just wanna get blown up again! So stop pretending this is about something else! Look – if we go now, I'll talk to Megumin and we can hook you up later. Hell, I'll even build an atom bomb for you to play with, just move already!"

Darkness...well she did something. It was damn near impossible for me to put into words, but it was like she jolted, her posture faltering for the slightest moment. I could've sworn I recognized irritation...and maybe even hurt...pass across her face. Her following words were once more aimed my way, colder than before.

"Leave. If you really can't muster up an inkling of courage to do the right thing, I shall face my fate alone."

Jesus Christ. That actually made me feel…bad. Like, sad-bad I mean. Now I didn't even wanna leave anymore. What was this woman doing to me!?

Before I could dwell upon it any further, I was greeted by a myriad of people approaching. Namely Wiz, Aqua, Megumin (who was being piggybacked by the aforementioned), Kazuma, Yunyun, Chris, and even Taylor along with his party.

"Guys! Thank evil you're here!" I cheered before pointing at Darkness accusingly. "Talk some sense into this one! She won't leave and none of my bribes have been working! Help me out here!"

"Actually, Wiz has a plan to keep the Destroyer from blowing up the city!" Aqua replied, a little too cheery given the circumstances. Worse yet, Wiz showed little to no confidence as she stepped forward and elaborated.

"W-Well, it's mostly a last resort. I should be able to teleport the core away from the city," She explained, though she didn't quite meet anyone's eyes as she continued. "However, I must remind Lady Aqua that I don't have control over where it will end up. If I'm able to send it away, there is a chance it will land somewhere just as populated as Axel."

I stared dubiously at Wiz, looked over to Darkness, gazed up at the Destroyer, promptly shuddered in disgust, and finally looked back at the group as a whole.

"But…wouldn't it be easier and, y'know, safer if we just cut our losses and pull out?" I reasoned calmly. Given the varying personalities of these people, there was still a chance for me to snag the popular vote. "In fact, if we hurry, there might still be enough time to grab our worldly possessions and leave before the nuke goes off! So who's with me?"

"You do realize most of us live in this city, right? Even if we did make a run for it, what are the chances we'd make it out of the blast zone?" Taylor countered, seemingly confused by my desperation to get the fuck away from the giant bomb not ten feet away. "We should at least take the chance while we have it. I don't know about you, but I like Axel enough to want it to not end up as a giant crater."

"C'MOOOON!" I whined, not even caring anymore about trying to disprove the "Jack Whiner" nickname the haters gave me. "It's just a dumb old city! You can always build a new one! I build things all the time, look at the mech I made!"

The group turned around to stare at what remained of my JackMech. In hindsight, it probably didn't help my case that the thing was lying helplessly on the ground…and missing a leg…and on fire.

Everyone looked back at me with not so impressed faces.

"…Just gotta buff out those scratches and it'll be bad as new!" I chuckled awkwardly.

"We're wasting time talking to this guy," Kazuma interjected, fixing me with that same glare he had back in the guild hall. "We gotta get moving if we don't wanna become atomized!"

I couldn't believe it. No one, not even the semi-rational ones, took my side. I was all alone, and this time with no robots to back me up. I was well and truly alone…

…like it should've been from the start.

"Fine!"

Everyone looked back at me. I gave them all the evil eye as I activated my HeliBot and hovered above them. "You wanna do something stupid and get yourselves killed? Don't let me stop you. Do whatever the hell you want, see if I care! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some emotion chips to go pick up before this place becomes ground zero."

"Sheesh. Guess we shouldn't have expected anything less," Dust grumbled, looking particularly unimpressed with my display of indifference, if not a touch vindicated. "C'mon, you heard Kazuma. We gotta get moving."

And just like that, the gaggle of morons started to ascend onto the wrecked Destroyer. Aqua paused for a beat longer than the others before following suit, and Darkness stayed at her post dutifully. To my surprise, the last one left standing other than her was the only other Earth human. He looked up at me with a different expression now, one which was a lot harder for me to get a read on.

"Y'know, for a self-proclaimed genius...you sure make a lot of bad calls," Kazuma mused, his tone less accusing and more...well, pointed I guess. All the same, he too turned away with a half-hearted wave, climbing up after the rest of the team. "See you on the other side, Goggles. Have fun with your robots."

On that bitter note, Green Bean climbed aboard the Destroyer, leaving me alone with Darkness in tense silence. Feeling uncomfortable again, I wordlessly flew in the opposite direction, scouring the field for downed WingBots and salvaging their emotion chips. No sense in letting them go to waste and having to make more, especially since they took the most time to craft. Thankfully, I was able to gather most of them save for one due to a WingBot missing its head. If I wasn't in such a hurry, I would've checked to see where it rolled off too. But I'll just settle with I do have.

With most of the delicate cargo safely secured in my pockets, I was ready to get the hell out of dodge.

"Is it really that easy for you?" Darkness suddenly asked, still not turning to face me. That pained tone was much more audible this time, and it was enough to make me stop in my tracks. "After everything we've been through, can you really turn your back on us and leave, just like that? I...I thought better of you, Jack."

"Wha, I, but, you - !" I sputtered pathetically, completely caught off guard by her remark. "D-Don't pin this on me! It's your own fault for not having any sense of self-preservation! I wouldn't have to do this if you'd just listen to me!"

"BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LEAVING!" Darkness snapped, finally whipping around to face me. And Christ above, I wish she hadn't! Her eyes were wet now, and there was a distinct fire lit behind them, one that only betrayal could instill. "The rest of our friends are making a stand, trying to save our home and hundreds of innocent lives! If you could think of someone other than yourself for an entire minute, maybe you'd be able to see how important this is! How this is bigger than you!"

I was nearly on the brink of crying myself. Why'd she have to play the altruistic card on me now of all times? If she'd been busy getting off at the thought of being blown up again, it might've helped make ditching town a lot easier. And here I thought I was the evil one.

Wait…that's right, I am the evil one! I shouldn't be bothered by what a knight like her has to say. Their guardians of good, why should their opinions matter to me?

I willed my tear ducts to stay dry as I glared back at her and pointed at myself. "One word: evil. That's what you signed up for, isn't it? Should've expected a loose moral fiber from me."

Darkness's expression...faltered. Like the wind had been slowly knocked out of her. Suddenly, I was faced with the same stone-faced, emotionless expression that I could find on any passerby in the street. Her next words were terse and stung me to my core:

"You are not evil, Jack. You just make bad choices...and this will be yet another to add to the list."

Even though I already knew she didn't believe I was evil, hearing her confirm it didn't hurt any less. It hurt like when I spilled my guts out to Chase Young and he didn't respond by running up to kiss me like I'd secretly hoped he would. It hurt like getting maimed by his jungle cats as he stared down at me with that shit-eating grin, the one he always wore whenever he inflicted pain on me…

I turned away as fast as the HeliBot could manage, soaring through the air as I tried to put some distance between myself and the wreckage. As well as the few associates I've gotten to know on a more personal level. I tried not to think about it, about how I was abandoning them completely, or how deep Darkness's words cut me. I only made it a few hundred feet away from Axel before I made the HeliBot stop, glancing over my shoulder.

...

After staring at the distant junkpiles and tiny yellow dot for who knows how long, I growled, angry at both myself and my so-called friends.

"My evil street cred is so going down the toilet…"

I honestly couldn't imagine what ran through Darkness's head when she watched me leave. Likewise, I couldn't imagine whatever followed as I zoomed back over to the Destroyer, grumbling to myself as I flew past her and into the construct itself. I may have just hallucinated this last part in my haste, but I could've sworn I saw the ghost of a smile on her face as I passed by. Probably just my imagination making Darkness look smug to add salt to the wound.

Either way, I was too upset with the perv at the moment to care as I landed inside the mech and stomped through the halls. I was also too upset to care that I was inside something that resembled one of my worst fears. I was also-ALSO too upset to acknowledge my party or the chumps they brought along as I stormed past them all in a huff.

"Huh, well I'll be damned. Guess Goggles finally pulled his head out of his ass," Kazuma mused, moving to keep pace with me best despite how much I wanted him to piss off. "So, what grand plan are you whipping up this time? Got your own personal teleportation device tucked away in your back pocket or something?"

"Can it, Green Bean," I snapped without even turning to meet the Japanese's smarmy face. "Why don't you go bother Tomato Boy and let the criminal mastermind do his thing? Who knows, maybe you two will fuse into vegetable soup or something; be less annoying that way."

"...yeah, I don't know what any of that means - just stop and listen for a sec," Kazuma insisted, prompting me to come to a brief stop. "I'm not gonna bother with the whole 'I don't like you, you don't like me' speech. The one thing we both care about right now is not blowing up. So level with me here: what can I do to keep that from happening to the both of us?"

"Ugh, just find me the control room and I'll see if I can hack the mainframe to abort the self-destruct sequence," I sighed tiredly, having simmered down enough to level with my fellow Adventurer. "If the guy who built this deathtrap has any respect for mechanical-engineering, there's bound to be a big control room with terminals that overlook the functions of everything, self-destruct sequences included."

"Fair enough. I'm sure the others can handle going to the core themselves...probably," Kazuma replied, before glancing down the nearest hall and tilting his head side to side. "My gut is telling me our best bet for the control room is this way. Let's hope my Luck stat does works its charm."

"Can't be any worse than mine..." I mumbled quietly to myself as I let him lead the way. While walking, I stuck my hands in my pockets, gently cupping the emotion chips within to make me feel a little bit better about myself. At this point, I just wanted this miserable day to end with me barricading myself in my lab and repairing my boys. I've had enough human interactions to last me a lifetime. Actually, make that two lifetimes because reincarnation and stuff.

"Lead the way, Kazuma!" Aqua chirped, making both myself and the Adventurer beside me jump halfway out of our skins. Somehow Aqua had managed to sneak up on the both of us, with Megumin still slung on her back, though the mage seemed a little less tired now. Probably gained a bit of her energy back.

"How the hell did...you didn't hear them coming either, right?" Kazuma asked me in disbelief, glancing between myself and the water goddess. "Why is your party so fucking weird, man?"

"Because I didn't hold a screening process before letting them in," I answered matter-of-factly, refusing to meet the girls' annoyed glares. "Now take your future overlord to the control room already, chop-chop!"

Kazuma rolled his eyes, but didn't run his mouth for a change. He continued down the hall he'd been inspecting moments before as Aqua and I followed. It took a few minutes, but eventually we arrived at what appeared to be the control room, or at the very least one of the associated sectors.

"Aha! Told you I'd find it!" Kazuma cheered victoriously, as if he hadn't just relied on dumb luck to guide us. "I'll accept your applause any time now."

"That's Aqua's line, Green BeeeAAAHHH!"

My insult merged into a shriek when I noticed the, um, dead person sitting in a chair with tubes coming out the back. Thankfully the body had already gone through advanced decomposition, so all that was left was a skeleton. Didn't make the reality any less disturbing though. I know I've already seen roaming Skeleton monsters and Undead Knights, but this was my first time seeing a true dead body...

"Huh. Guess we found whoever was supposed to pilot this thing way back when," Kazuma remarked, seemingly unbothered by the human remains outside of a small grimace. He turned to Aqua and asked, "What was this thing supposed to be again? Some kinda superweapon from an advanced kingdom or something?"

Before Aqua could open her big fat mouth with unneeded exposition we already heard, I spoke up. "Uh, hi, Jack Spicer here. Are we gonna gloss over the fact that there is a CORPSE sitting over there and talk about something else? We are? Okay, cool, just checking."

"Dude, both of us had to die just to be here. It's not that big of a deal," Kazuma chided, irritating me again before walking up to the dead man's chair to pick up a book left on the arm rest. He dusted it off with a quizzical look.

"Oi. What do you guys make of this?"

Wanting to distract myself from the skeleton, I grabbed the book from Kazuma's hand and skimmed through the pages. It was written entirely in Japanese. That confirms Mr. Bones here was from Earth after all.

"You're from Japan, right?" I asked my fellow Earthling before opening the book in front of him. "I'm too American to read this. Translate."

"Oh, just like that, huh?" Kazuma said with a sneer. "I'm not fucking Google, asshole! You can't just shove shit in my face and expect me to regurgitate it for you!"

I merely waved the book in front of him again in silence. He eventually caved and snatched it out of my hands. "Damn Westerners..."

"Am I truly a Westerner if I died in the East though?" I rhetorically asked with a shit-eating grin.

Scowling, Kazuma flipped the book opened and began reading the latest entries aloud. As annoying as he could be, I had to give him props for one simple fact: the man knew how to capture an audience.

Day ?

So these corporate big shots want me to build them a "Mobile Fortress" for Project Tyrant Toppler. Damn cheapskates. Haven't I made it obvious I'm no longer interested in building weapons to use against the Devil King? Not that I can say that out loud of course, don't wanna get charged for treason. But I was sure my phony pacifism speeches would be enough for them to take the hint. I just want to profit off of simple inventions and laze around all day!

Anyway, they asked me what I would need for a power source. Hell if I know! Just to get these money-grubbing pigs off my back, I asked them to find me something impossibly rare: Coronatite. It's said to be a legendary mineral capable of generating enough heat and energy indefinitely, almost like a miniature sun. They'll never find it! Now I can go back to reading my ecchi manga in peace~

Day ?

Goddamnit! The adventurers they hired actually managed to bring back some Coronatite! Must've paid top eris for such annoyingly dedicated thrill seekers. Shit, looks like I'm actually going to have to get up off my lazy ass and slave away on yet another Anti Devil King weapon. No doubt it will fail like all the others. But I'm contractually obligated to do it. If I don't get this Mobile Fortress done by the deadline, it'll be the execution sentence for sure!

Day ?

Well, I got the blueprints ready. Even if it was accidental.

I was mulling over the design for the Mobile Fortress when the NASTIEST spider scuttled across my desk! I swatted it with some paper and, as a subtle middle finger to the higher-ups, submitted it as one of the potential designs thinking it would be rejected.

They...loved it, surprisingly. Even went as far as to compliment me on the "details" and "realism".

They also put me on the spot for what the name was, which I sorta forgot to give it. In a panic, I dubbed it the "Destroyer", my old chuuni instincts kicking in thanks to working alongside the experiments from Project Crimson Flare. They were also impressed by this for some reason.

Whatever, let's just get this over with. The sooner I build Mobile Fortress Destroyer, the sooner I can go back to ogling my assistant's hot bod. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll just ogle her while I work~

Day ?

OH MY GOD! THE DESTROYER'S GONE HAYWIRE! NOISE HAS FALLEN! EVERYONE'S DEAD!

Then again...this thing does technically work as instructed. So hey, nice job, me! You really outdid yourself! Anyway, I have no means to turn the Destroyer off and I can't seem to find a way to get down safely. So I think I'll just spend the rest of my days up here with all these golems. At least I had the foresight to stash some snacks in the control room, that should last me a while. But seriously, what kind of an idiot forgets to build an off switch!?

Oh wait...I'm the idiot who forgot to build an off switch. Oops.

...

Kazuma calmly closed the journal. "That was the last entry..."

I roared in anger and disbelief as my previous concerns regarding the skeleton evaporated when I went up to throttle it. "'Oops'!? Fucking 'OOPS'!? This is why you build off switches on your robots: to prevent behavioral redundancy! Why do you think I put my robots' switches on the back of their heads, huh!? FOR EASY ACCESS! You're a lazy, unambitious loser and I hate you!"

The skeletal remains of the asshole responded by falling apart from all my shaking.

"So...what do we do now?" Megumin asked from Aqua's back, just barely able to raise her head to look at us with concern. "Wiz's plan might still work, but we don't even know how much time is left before this place detonates!"

"Wait here, I'll go find her," I grumbled as my HeliBot lifted me up in the air. "I can cover more ground when I fly. Oh, and while I'm gone...someone finish desecrating that morons' remains for me, will ya? Thanks."

I didn't wait for a reply as I was already flying out of the room and through the hallways at top speed. The place was a labyrinth, and a bland one at that; hardly any décor to speak of. A little splash of color at the very least would've gone a long way to make the inside of this mech slightly less boring. Another sign that the cretin who built this was a talentless hack. I'm glad he died alone.

Even though I had no idea where to go, I figured the core would be located somewhere in the middle of the construct, so that's where I tried to roughly steer myself to whenever there was a fork in the road. My logical assumption proved fruitful when I noticed a trail of destroyed steampunk golems, indicating that Wiz and the others had been here. Following the wreckage of wannabe robots, I entered what appeared to be the main engine room. Everyone else was already there and staring up at a tall capsule containing what looked like a miniature star that was on the verge of becoming a supernova. Tangled cables and wires were hooked into the base, presumably circulating its power throughout the Destroyer and keeping the self-destruct sequence active.

"This the 'Corntit' thing or what?" I demanded soon after landing and giving everyone else a spook. "I read about it in the pilot's diary. This is what's powering the Destroyer, right?"

"If you mean 'Coronatite', then yes. This seems to be the Destroyer's power source," Chris supplied, shooting me a curious look before turning her gaze back to the core. "I'm no engineer, but it doesn't look too stable right now. We need to do something and fast."

I looked over to Wiz. "You mentioned something before about teleporting the core elsewhere, yeah? Sounds like our best bet. I would dismantle the generator, but I don't know how long that would take; I'm still kinda figuring out this magical tech stuff."

"Well...it is true that I have enough magic left to cast Teleport on it. But I'm afraid there's a catch-22," Wiz explained as she scanned the group around her with uncertainty. "You see, there's two different versions of the spell. Standard Teleport only works if you set a destination marker for it, and since I set markers in Axel, that's obviously out of the question. Random Teleport is exactly what it sounds, but what happens if the core lands in another populated area? We could be risking just as many lives either way…"

"...seriously?" I asked in disbelief. "Listen, I know we're on a time crunch here, but answer me something real quick. How long have you been travelling the country for?"

The Lich seemed surprised by my question, taking a moment to consider her answer before offering it. "I...suppose around twenty years? Give or take a few before I set up my shop in Axel."

She must've only counted her days as an adventurer prior to becoming a Lich. Probably doesn't want to blow her cover around these other guys. Still, combine that with her new immortal life and she's likely been around the block.

"Okay, now tell me: in all that time you've spent exploring the kingdom, how often did you come across an urban metropolis? And to be clear, I'm not asking how many you've visited, just how often you happened to run into them without planning."

"Well...not terribly often. The only true example I can think of is the capitol itself," Wiz answered with more certainty entering her voice. Although her expression remained mixed. "Even so, a low chance is not equivalent to no chance at all..."

"Unless it's our only option," I commented before elaborating. "Where I come from, there's nearly eight billion humans crowding the place. Despite the overpopulation, we still build cities and homes wherever possible. Unless you were planning a nature hike or lived somewhere rural, you'd be hard-pressed to 'accidentally' wander into a forest or meadow. But this whole country is like an Amish dream come true! The probability of the core teleporting into a densely urban environment is 10,003 to 1. Trust me, I did the math just now. I may lie and cheat but numbers certainly don't!"

Wiz frowned deeply, turning to the rest of the adventurers to silently seek their input. Dust of all people stepped forward, apparently the only one willing to bring this standoff to a close.

"Look, we probably only have seconds until this thing explodes. As much of a punk as Jack is, he's not wrong when it comes to this kind of stuff. Wiz, you gotta use Teleport on the Coronatite. It's the only option we have left."

The well-endowed undead lady glanced between me and Tomato Boy nervously, seemingly unsure of what to do. C'mon Wiz, you've been around longer than I me, and I'm an amazing genius! Surely she'd be old and wise enough to know I'm correct, right?

"A-Alright. I'll do it. Just...give me a moment..." Wiz ultimately stated, taking a deep breath and stepping closer to the core. The sustained magical glow in her hands slowly burned brighter as she reached out, preparing to cast her spell.

"Random Teleport!"

And…that was that. With surprisingly little fanfare, the unstable core was gone. The Destroyer hummed as all of its reserved power died down. The lights switched off and left us all standing in the dark. Wish I had one of those "That Was Easy" buttons right about now.

"Welp! Out of sight, out of mind!" I lightly cheered, resting the back of my neck on my hands as I turned to walk away. "I'm gonna go loot that gift shop I heard about in the broadcast. Later, haters!"

"Villainous as always, eh Spicer?" Chris snarked, apparently more chill than Taylor and his party. "Save me something shiny for me! Oh, and don't forget your friends! Thieving minds think alike, so Kazuma probably wants to get in on the looting too."

"Like hell he is!" I shouted back as I broke into a sudden sprint when I turned the first corner.

The next few minutes were...well, noisy for sure. Turns out, Chris was dead on about Kazuma and the girls, all three of which were dicking around in the gift shop by the time I arrived. I nearly dropped kicked the cloaked moron over a magic air fryer the second I saw it in his hands. I say nearly because he sidestepped out of the way and I ended up crashing into a wall. But it's the evil thought that counts!

Before I could challenge Green Bean to a dual over the doodad, Aqua explained that she and Megumin had already worked out a deal on my behalf.

"Whatever Kazuma can carry in one go is his. Everything else is ours! So we get the bigger haul!" Megumin explained, still hanging off of Aqua's back. I began to suspect that she already regained enough energy to walk by now, but wanted a free ride. "Although there's honestly not a whole lot of interesting stuff here. Mostly just souvenir shirts and magical trinkets."

"Free stuff's still free, ain't it?" I asked rhetorically while mindlessly shoveling magic devices and silly knickknacks into an empty sack. "Besides, might as well get something out of this endeavor. I deserve that much for putting my second life on the line when I didn't have to."

"Ah yes, because the lives of everyone in the town we all live in isn't payment enough. How right you are, Jack," Kazuma scoffed, throwing some assorted junk into his own sack while shooting me an unimpressed glare. "I'm no saint myself, but you seriously can't even find a little bit of pride in doing the right thing?"

I stuck my tongue out in disgust as I continued my amazing looting spree. "Me? Doing the right thing? Get over yourself. The only reason I came back was because I didn't feel like building a new evil lair. So don't start spreading any rumors about how I'm a 'goody-two-shoes Samaritan' or what have you. I got a reputation to keep up. Hey, a bobblehead!"

As I stowed away the score of the century, I found myself suddenly meeting Aqua's gaze. The water goddess, who up until this point had been fairly lighthearted, was now staring at me with an uncomfortably thoughtful and concerned expression. Not exactly a look best suited for an airhead like her.

"Jack...you don't really mean that, right?" She asked softly, tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy. "I mean, people could have died if Wiz and the others didn't done something. That has to bother you at least a little...right?"

"I mean…it's not like I knew them all that well to begin with..." I replied hesitantly, suddenly being reminded of that girl in Hong Kong who I thought was in danger and pushed out of the way. Only to seal my own fate for literally no reason as a result. "B-Besides, it's not like I would've been responsible for their deaths anyway. I wasn't the one who built a shoddy walker with a self-destruct failsafe. So why should I be...y'know, b-bothered by it?"

The silence that followed was heavy, like a cloud of smog. Aqua's eyes lingered on me, her lips drawn into a tight frown, and suddenly I had the startling realization that they definitely didn't see things the same way I did. I could stand Kazuma's disapproving mutters and glare, but Aqua's...it meant more somehow. Just like when Darkness had called me out before, it struck deeper than normal.

I didn't like it one bit.

"Maybe...we should just talk about this later," Megumin suggested from atop Aqua. "Obviously while Jack likes to play the 'bad guy' every now and then, he wouldn't just leave people to die. Us least of all! So...let's just save this for dinner or something, yeah? I think we could all go for a bite to eat right about now."

Fuck, I was really hoping they would forget about the scheduled talk later tonight. Also, they're not even pretending like they believe I'm evil anymore! Dammit, I really Jacked things up this time - STOP USING THAT PHRASE, ME!

"Well, you three clearly have some stuff to work out. I'd go with the loli's suggestion and talk about this somewhere private," Kazuma interjected, causing Megumin to vehemently deflect that weird comment he made to her. All the same, he hoisted his loot sack over his shoulder and made for the exit. "I'm gonna link up Yunyun before she makes me take another 'Friendship Pop Quiz' to make sure she knows where I've been. See you around I guess..."

Just like that, I was all alone. Well, technically untrue, Aqua and Megumin were still in the room with me. But somehow that didn't make me feel any less alone at that moment.

"...right. So, should we start heading out then?" Aqua asked pleasantly, seemingly stuffing away her concerns for later with a relaxed smile. "Darkness is probably still standing around outside and daylight's a-wasting, people!"

Before I could mumble anything back, I suddenly felt the temperature in the room start to rise. Enough to where I could begin to feel beads of sweat form on my forehead. Wearing a thick, leather trench coat didn't help things either.

"Yeah, that...that doesn't feel good..." Megumin groaned, wrapping her arms around Aqua's neck and shooting me a panicked look. "Okay, seriously, I think we need to go! NOW!"

Aqua and I nodded as we booked it out of the gift shop with our precious junk in tow. As we ran looking for the nearest exit, the heat got more and more intense as pipes began bursting steam. By the time the girls and I found a hole to the main deck, the metal on the Destroyer was a red-hot, and even though we were wearing shoes as we ran across it, the stinging sensation made us wince with each step. Thank Granny Spicer for gifting me with my trusty HeliBot!

"You really couldn't make one of those up for us!?" Aqua whined as she followed behind, lugging Megumin all the way. A few seconds later, we made it off the scorching hot wreck, landing next to Darkness and the rest of the adventurers.

"What's all this about!?" I complained to nobody but myself. "Don't tell me that two-bit 'scientist' forgot to build a coolant system on top of the off switch!"

As if the machine itself had been waiting for such a declaration, the hull of the Destroyer promptly exploded into an admittedly beautiful display of fireworks.

Honestly...it helped lighten the mood a little. All of us were left basking in the colors, going "oooo" and "ahhhh" whenever appropriate.

Once the unexpected firework show came, we were left standing in the now quiet field with the sun about ready to set over the horizon. Don't get me wrong, for as pretty as that all was, that whole sequence of events was...rather anticlimactic.

"Huh..." I grunted aloud. "Not gonna lie, thought that would be a lot worse."

Of course, as soon as I finished speaking, that's when I noticed a falling piece of debris coming my way. Last thing I remembered was a splitting pain to the noggin before everything went black.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing to greet me was my bedroom ceiling. With a subdued groan, I reached up to my head and lightly brushed the...bandages, vaguely recalling the moments before I'd lost consciousness. It certainly stung like a motherfucker, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for me. I've had worse beatings.

After carefully unwrapping the bandages (didn't vibe with my aesthetic like they did with Megumin), the first thing I did was check my pockets for the emotion chips. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt my fingertips graze the electronic components. The WingBots' memory files were already updated and backed up by my personal cloud network, but it would've been a pain in the ass to make new emotion chips for them. Gotta learn to appreciate the small victories in life.

"The girls must've put me in here while I was out," I mumbled to myself as I slid out of bed, taking a moment to look out the window and see that it really was the next day. "Would've preferred my lab but…ah, whatever."

Gently rubbing my sore head, I slogged over to open my door, only to bump into the back of a JackBot when I did. The automaton rotated his head a full 180 degrees to look at me in surprise, though his faceplate couldn't physically emote it. I know my children like the back of my hand.

"Oh! Hey Ravager," I greeted once I collected my bearings. "Forgot you were on bedroom guard duty this week. What's up?"

"Good morning, sir. I actually volunteered to guard you while your party went to rest," JB-24V4G32 informed, moving aside and gesturing down the hall. "I believe they currently reside in the kitchen, if you feel well enough to check in with them."

I audibly gulped at that, which did not go by unnoticed. Ravager awkwardly scratched the back of his cylindrical before making an offer. "If you'd like…I could escort you there myself?"

"…y-yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks, man."

With my robot leading the way, I slowly made my way down the halls. But I could only drag my feet for so long as we eventually reached the entrance to kitchen...with girls behind the door. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, irrationally nervous about what was going to happen the second that I entered that room. I was so not ready for that little "chat", and now that another day had passed, I was certain the girls would antsy to get some things off their chest with me.

I felt thinly sharp metal fingers wrap around my hands, delicately so as to not accidentally pierce the skin. I looked back down at Ravager, who looked back up at me with soft glowing photoreceptors.

"Whatever happens in there, you'll still have us," he reassured. "Robo Bros before hoes. You programmed us to never forget that."

"Heh, that's true. Thanks, Ravager," I muttered quietly, before making a small motion of zipping lips. "Also, try not to get caught saying that in front of them. Call me crazy, but I don't think that'd end well for us."

Ravager did his best attempt at a chuckle, which was basically just a low buzzing sound that kept getting cut off rhythmically. "Affirmative, Master."

Smirking at the cheeky droid, I let go of his hand and braced myself before opening the door to the kitchen. My party was gathered around one of the countertops, and whatever they were talking about amongst themselves died as soon as they noticed me. It became a Western stare-off between us until I managed to work up the nerve to say something casual.

"Mornin'…" I greeted curtly. Really hope what Dad said about women being able to smell fear wasn't true. If so, I must reek to them right about now (although that might be from sleeping in yesterday's work clothes).

"Good morning, Jack. We were starting to wonder when you'd wake up," Darkness greeted with a polite nod, her tone betraying no other emotion outside of mild concern. "How are you feeling? That was quite the hit to the head you took while we were distracted. I-It almost makes me jealous..."

I gently rubbed my cranium, which was already feeling a little less sore thankfully. "Could be better, but I'll live. That injury couldn't make it into my Top 10 even if it tried. Aqua use healing magic on me while I was out?"

"Yep! Gave you a healthy dose! You should be back to normal in no time!" Aqua confirmed, her usual bright smile back in full force. "Anyway, it's good that you're up, we have something important to tell you."

"Oh, uh...really?" I asked dumbly as I was in the middle of grabbing a Coke from the magic fridge that was here when we moved in. Here comes that talk I was dreading...

"Yeah, someone from the capitol has summoned us to the guild to meet with them. We're probably in for a huge reward!"

"...oh. Well, uh, that's actually pretty cool!" I admitted genuinely after a beat, caught off guard by the unexpected news. "We've only been able to break even with quest rewards up till now. Maybe we can finally start to have disposable income with this!"

"It'd definitely be nice to not have to worry about going broke at a moment's notice," Megumin agreed, looking pretty stoked about the prospect. "Still, there's no telling what they actually want from us till we check in. I'd say we're fashionably late as is, such is the Crimson Demon way. Let's go already!"

I hummed in mutual agreement as I took a sip from my can. "Right, let's not keep our adoring fans waiting any longer now. GUARDBOTS! WATCH OVER THE HOUSE, DADDY'S HEADING OUT!"

With that, the girls and I departed the mansion, heading into town for what I hoped was a worthy prize. However, my good mood started to wane as I noticed the girls glancing at one another, almost like they were having a silent discussion. Suddenly, my unease regarding our long avoided talk about feelings was kicked back into overdrive.

"Jack, if you have a moment...perhaps we should take this time to discuss some things," Darkness politely requested.

"If this is about the whole 'not getting blown up a third time' thing, don't worry about it. Megumin and I can work something out for you," I said while continuing to look straight ahead. Just play dumb until you get to the guild, Jack. "That atom bomb offer is still on the table too you know."

"What!? I-I do not...this has nothing to do with me b-blowing up!" Darkness refuted, though I could tell I succeeded in tripping her up, even if momentarily. Just another minute or so and I'll be out of the woods for another few hours. "Jack, the girls and I have been talking. We all agreed that, if we are to stick together as a party, we should -"

"Oh hey, wow, look at that! We're here!" I whooped nervously once the Adventurer's Guild was in sight. "Race you to the top of the stairs? Last one there is a rotten egg roll!"

Like clockwork, both Aqua and Megumin couldn't resist a challenge, both stumbling up the stairs after me while insisting I was a rotten cheater. Darkness lingered at the bottom for a few seconds. She sighed before eventually coming up after us, taking momentary solace in the fact she ended up being the "rotten egg roll". Exactly how things should be.

Once Aqua and Megumin settled down and Darkness had her minute of shame, the four of us proudly stepped into the guild. Immediately, I could tell things were different as there was a semicircle of adventurers around this – oh come on! Yet another stunning babe!? Seriously, why were all the guys and gals of this world so damn hot!? It's so frustrating for a hunky but inexperienced young lad such as myself!

Anyway, the babe in question was decked out in a blue skirt suit with gold trimming, matching beret, and classy rectangular glasses, giving her the vibe of someone of high status and intellect. Around her stood a quartet of heavily armored guards, all of whom regarded my party with expressions hidden behind thick metal helmets.

"You are Jack Spicer, are you not?" the woman said in a tone that made it sound like she already knew the answer and was just being formal.

"In the flesh!" I answered regardless, deciding to put on a self-congratulatory display. "No autographs please, I'm swamped as is~"

To my surprise, instead of praising me (or at the very least thanking me for my part in yesterday's crisis), the woman's eyes narrowed dangerously. After offering a sharp nod to the nearest guard, all four of them drew their swords and pointed them directly at my throat.

"Jack Spicer, you are under arrest for treason of the highest order! Your actions have resulted in a devastating attack against the Belzerg capital, injuring nearly a hundred of His Majesty's subjects!" She declared with all the stoic fury I'd expect from a supervillain. "You are to be executed for your crimes, along with any of your co-conspirators! What say you, terrorist?"

"Woah-woah-woah, REWIND!" I screeched over my posse's own cries of confusion. I did not see this coming at all! "I've never been to the capital, I don't even know where that is! What are you talking about!?"

"Testimony was provided by the local magic shopkeeper, Wiz. She confessed you encouraged her to cast Random Teleport on the Destroyer's core despite the risk of further endangering civilians. As such, you are responsible for the destruction caused to our beloved capital and will be held accountable," The woman explained, with murmurs starting up in the surrounding crowd of adventurers as she and the guards inched closer. "Surrender yourself before things have to escalate."

But...but…10,003 to 1, though…I'd have to be incredibly lucky if I wanted to intentionally bomb a nation's capital by sheer chance!

…or incredibly unlucky to land myself in unnecessary hot water – I knew it! My godawful Luck stat did the improbable!I wasn't ready to go balls deep into picking a fight with this kingdom's government. If I wanted to attack the capital, I would've done it only after I usurped the Devil King and amassed a giant army of robots to wreak havoc and mayhem! Bombing it from afar was just tasteless, even for me.

As my blue-haired harpy of a companion shook my shoulders while crying hysterically, all I could think at that moment was…Why me?

The snow started to pick up by the time I made it to the rendezvous point in Snowfield Forest. This easily had to be one of the worst winter seasons I've ever had to endure in all my travels. I've heard the local legends around here, about how the "Winter Shogun" dictates the severity of snow storms. Can't be a regional deity if the kingdom put a bounty on it. Either way, someone must've really pissed it off if we're getting shit weather like this.

I'd been trudging through the thick snow for about ten minutes or so before the cold really started getting to me. The awful biting kind of cold that cuts through the warmest coat ya got. 'Course, considering my attire, that was a moot point. Along with the fact I was only a few more minutes away from the rendezvous point.

Making sure the strap on the duffle bag was securely wrapped around my shoulder, I stomped through the forest until I finally reached my destination: an abandoned log cabin plopped right in the middle o' nowhere. Dunno what the story behind it was, nor did I really care to know. Probably just some noble's vacation cabin left to rot in the wilderness. All that mattered was this would be where I collected my due and move on to my next gig.

In other words? Same old, same old. I'm a simple man in that regard; wherever the money goes, I go. That's just business.

Once I reached the front door of the cabin, I knocked on it in a specific manner before uttering the…"secret passphrase" I was given when I got this job.

"...Banana bread…"

After a beat or two of painful silence, the door slowly swung open, revealing the armored mountain of a woman on the other side. She stared down at me with amber eyes colder than the snow pelting my bare skin, glowing in the cold dusk around us.

"My apologies, both for the trek you've endured and the pitiful excuse of a passphrase," She stated with all the emotion of a damn rock. Regardless, she stepped out of the doorway and gestured inside. "Please, come in. We'll be sure to keep this short."

Nodding politely, I entered the cabin and was greeted by an open fireplace basking a small portion of the room in a comforting orange hue. Another woman, this one a raven-haired priestess, huddled close by it to keep warm.

If the horror stories surrounding the Devil King's fabled daughter and her right-hand woman were true, then what I've seen from them so far was...not what I expected. While cut-throat in their dealings like any servant to a dark lord, they've managed to maintain an air of cordial civility throughout each meeting, and even managed to let slip a little humanity every once and a while. The irony.

But I suppose that's one of the perks of being an unaffiliated freelancer: you get to meet all kinds of colorful characters in your travels.

"'Banana bread'? Really?" The armored woman mocked her fellow general, dropping the stoic act for a moment to level with her partner's odd choice in passphrases. "Every day, you somehow both impress and disappoint me with your idiocy."

"Oh shove it, Homare! It worked just fine, didn't it?" The priestess lashed out in return, apparently gutsy enough to talk back to her superior before gazing at me like a predator inspecting prey. "About time you showed up. I assume you have a substantial status report, given the rumors we've heard on our way here."

"You could say that, yeah. Not every day a man has a run-in with the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and lives to tell the tale," I replied simply, keeping my tone neutral. If I got mad at every one of my clients for their poor attitude, I'd either be broke or six feet under. "But against all odds, the people of Axel managed to take the thing down by the skin of their teeth. Doubt they could've pulled it off on their own without the help of their, and I quote, 'resident genius'."

"Resident genius, huh?" Homare repeated, turning to face me with an intrigued expression that was markedly more welcoming than the priestess's. "Elaborate. Who exactly are you referring to, and how have they earned themselves such a title?"

Now that was going to be a challenge to put into words.

"Uh, let's see, where do I even begin…?" I muttered to myself as I idly played with the top of my mohawk. "For starters, his name is Jack Spicer, and the only reason I know that is because he likes to let everyone else know every chance he gets. He's got all the mannerisms of a Crimson Demon, though I don't believe he truly is one. I say this because he actually has one of those weirdos in his party. Other than the matching red eyes, they don't look much alike. He's got bright red hair that makes my eyes hurt, and pale skin so white it's a wonder he hasn't been mistaken for an undead monster. He's one of those smart-mouthed types; all bark and no bite. He'll gloat about how he'll 'rule the world' one minute and cry for about twenty when he stubs his toe on a table leg."

I quit playing with my hair as I surmised my lengthy description. "In short...he's a hot mess of a human being."

"Hmm...sounds like a mixture of some of our fellow generals' worst traits, if I may be candid," The Devil King's Daughter remarked with the smallest of smirks, before going back to business. "Still, as irritating as he sounds, I'm not sure how any of that has earned him the recognition of being called a genius."

"Well, other than being really good at math, he has this…fetish for creating these strange metal constructs," I explained carefully. "I wanna say they're golems, but apparently they're not since he'll go on a rant about it otherwise. I think he calls 'em 'bots' or something but, honestly, the kid's so damn chatty that everything he says sounds like white noise. Whatever they are, they're harder, faster, and in some cases stronger than golems. Supposedly don't even run on magic if you can believe it."

"Magicless golems? That...actually sounds like a rather remarkable feat," The priestess admitted, cupping her chin and frowning like she was thinkin' extra hard. "I don't suppose you were kind enough to bring us an example of one of these 'bots'?"

"As a matter of fact, I was," I said as I moved to the coffee table beside us, gripping the duffle bag I was carrying. "During the fight with the Destroyer, Jack had a whole bunch of these flying bots attack it while controlling what can only be described as a 50 foot metal statue of himself. I snagged the head off of one of the broken ones after the battle…"

Unzipping the duffle bag, I poured it over and dumped all its contents on the table. A few pieces of loose metal flew out before the head landed on the table with a loud clang, actually causing the priestess to jump ever so slightly. When it landed, some of the exposed…colorful strings I guess sparked, and the eyes flickered for a bit as it spoke in a distorted, monotone voice.

"L-L-L-Loading personality…E-E-E-Error: emotion chip not found. P-P-P-Please provide this unit with a heart and sooouuulll…"

After the head went dormant again, I glanced up at the two Demon Generals, not quite sure what to expect from either of them. Stunned silence and wide eyes certainly wasn't on the short list I had compiled. Hell, the priestess even looked the slightest bit pale as she gawked at the head on the table, taking what I could only guess was a precautionary step back.

"Homare...you don't think -"

"Not now, Serena. We'll discuss this later," The armored woman said hastily, obviously just as distressed as her comrade but with a much better poker face. Moving with unexpected speed, she turned and grabbed a decently sized pouch from a nearby cabinet, tossing it in my direction with barely a second glance. "Your payment, sir. Now if that is all, I must request that you leave us immediately."

"Uh…right," I reluctantly agreed, stuffing my payment inside the duffle bag and showing myself to the door. Before I reached for the knob, however, I did risk asking one question. Normally it's not wise for a politically and morally disinterested freelancer to ask his clients too many questions. But something about their reactions when I showed them that busted up tin can made me need to speak up.

"Just…one thing before I get outta your hair," I asked evenly, not taking the risk of looking back at my clients when I spoke. "Exactly how deep in shit are we all in right now?"

There was another beat of silence, one that seemed to have resulted in the two generals working out some form of agreement since I actually ended up receiving a proper answer from the Devil King's Daughter.

"If this thing is what we think it is...then we're deeper than we can hope to dig ourselves out."