DISCLAIMER: Some light mention of autism and bisexuality and how it affects Jack. Nothing major or meant to be portrayed poorly (I am autistic myself), just thought I'd give a heads up in case some readers get the wrong message. It's very brief and hardly the main focus, though, so I wouldn't worry about it. This chapter is not meant to be "propaganda" for political correctness or whatever. It's simply about a character venting out their own personal angst. Happy reading!
"Alright, Bob," I sighed wearily at the head BuilderBot in charge of the excavation team. "I want you to supervise the units digging out that weird mural over on the east wing. I'd like to get that wall knocked down before midnight if possible. The sooner we get started on my new-NEW evil lair, the better. Understood?"
"Loud and clear, boss! I'll be sure to keep you updated!" The robot chirped all too pleasantly, hovering away to oversee his men/brothers. That just left me to pace to dark halls of the dungeon the girls and I had retreated to.
Now I know what you're thinking, dear future minion: Why is Jack Spicer, Evil Teen Genius, hiding out in a crummy old dungeon building another lair when there's already a perfectly fine one back home? Well, in case you missed the memo, this crummy old dungeon is our new home now apparently...yeah. Not exactly the real estate I wanted nor expected, but it was free. And on such short notice too.
All joking aside, we were here due to a set of circumstances that, once again, weren't my fault...sorta. None of this would've happened if a certain gaggle of assholes didn't guilt me into playing the "less-than-bad guy". And what do I get for my efforts? A visit from the Royal Prosecutor...and her armored goons...along with an order to arrest me for the Destroyer's core going off in Belzerg's capital.
So...yeah. Things weren't exactly in my favor...
"Sena, was it?" I asked as smoothly as possible in spite of my underlying anxiety. Maybe there was still enough wiggle room for me to weasel my way out of this. "I think you and the princess are just making a mountain out of a molehill. I didn't die, nobody at the capital died, only a single castle blew up – and those things are replaceable! So really, aren't we all winners at the end of the day here?"
Sena didn't even bother to acknowledge my attempts verbally. Instead, she scowled and gestured her soldiers to either skewer or cuff me. Not too sure which option was more terrifying. Death was bad, obviously. But prison? I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to get locked up in regular prison, let alone a medieval one!
"Now wait just a moment, prosecutor!" Darkness interjected, stepping in front of me in an unexpected show of loyalty, her expression resembling the stoic knight that stared down the Destroyer yesterday. "Jack meant no harm to the capital, nor anyone else! Unscrupulous though he may be, a terrorist he is most certainly not! This is all a gross misunderstanding!"
"Yeah, what she said!" I added while confidently stepping behind my new favorite Crusader. "I'm no terrorist, I'm an un-scrub-u-less or whatever! Tell her off, Dark!"
"Darkness is right, what happened at the capital was a complete accident!" Megumin added, stepping up alongside her ally in defense of me. "If the core hadn't been teleported away, Axel would've suffered the same damages and actual casualties! We had no idea where it would end up!"
Surprisingly, the prosecutor held out her arm to call off her henchmen. Was this working? Was I about to get away scot-free!? I hope so, right now I wanted nothing more than to go back to my room and scream into my pillow until I passed out. I just wanna put everything about today and yesterday behind me already...
"Regardless of his intentions, Mr. Spicer's actions still resulted in the hospitalization of hundreds along with a fair amount of property damage to the Royal Castle," Sena insisted with a firm tone, leveling another cold look straight at me. "This cannot be ignored, regardless of the circumstances. Nor can it go unpunished."
Surprises kept rolling in because, before I knew it, Yunyun stepped forward from the sea of adventurers to add her two cents with an uncharacteristic amount of bravado (must've picked that up from her partner).
"This is outrageous! I was there when Jack gave the order to teleport the Coronatite; he was talking pure math! He broke down why it would be unlikely for it to land in a densely populated area using statistics! He made a sound, logical argument! He's neutral at worst!"
"I hate to admit it, but Jack and his team are in the right. Without them, we probably would've ended up getting blown to bits," Kazuma added from the far side of the crowd, shooting the prosecutor his own disapproving glare. "And if you wanna play the blame game, where the hell was the Royal Army during all of this, huh? How come the Destroyer was allowed to get this close to Axel? Same goes for Beldia. You and your princess gotta own up to not doing your part to look out for the common people!"
The weeb's words sparked a chain reaction in the guild. Pretty soon every adventurer was jumping to my defense while calling Sena out. Even my very own detractors were taking my side in the argument! Yeah, those haters who've been calling me rude names like "Jack Whiner" and "Ghoul Boy" were also taking a stand for me! As surprising as it all was...I certainly wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth!
Maybe there truly was something to be said about having your soon-to-be subjects respect you on top of fearing corporal punishment...
"Any supporters of Mr. Spicer are liable to become accomplices as well," Sena managed to calmly bark out in spite of all the noise surrounding her. The guild was suddenly silenced. "So does anyone else have any other grievances they'd like to share? No? That's what I thought."
I take it back, I'd rather my soon-to-be subjects just fear me. Fear keeps traitors in line.
Wait a sec…this was it, wasn't it? The ultimatum that Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness needed before they could deem me no longer worth the trouble of keeping around. I wasn't hearing anything coming from them after Sena's declaration, and I certainly didn't need to look at their faces to know they were already weighing their options.
I should've known this "Evil Posse" thing was never meant to be; the girls were never truly bad guys to begin with. And even if they were? Well, they'd probably still throw me under the bus like all the other bad guys I've worked with. It's how it always goes, nothing ever changes.
...
Do. Not. Cry. Jack. You've been bracing yourself for this day to come. Now's the time to ready that smoke bomb you've been saving for your NinjaBots and be prepared to make a break for the exit. Deep breaths now…okay, I'm ready. Bring on the betrayal, ladies...
"Well, with that all quite finished, I believe it's time for me to fulfil my duties as Royal Prosecutor," Sena hummed, obviously pleased with herself for threatening my would-be supporters into silence. But the last thing she expected - hell, the last thing I expected - was to see Darkness, Megumin, and even Aqua still holding their ground, forming a protective semi-circle around me.
"What is the meaning of this...?" Sena asked in an almost bored tone. And ain't that the question of the hour. Just what really is the meaning of this?
"You're not going anywhere with our Jack-Jack!" Aqua declared, grasping her flower bud staff and glaring at the prosecutor even as her guards drew their own weapons. "A party looks after each other, and we know Jack did his best. So you're not gonna arrest him, or execute him for that matter. We won't let you!"
There's...there's no way she really meant that, did she?
Oh, wait, that's right, of course! How could I forget? Aqua is actually clinically retarded, she has the "Intelligence" stat to prove it! She must be having one of her random, idiotic episodes right now. That makes much more sense! Still wasn't sure what Darkness and Megumin's game were though.
"You are making a grave mistake, Archpriest," Sena warned, holding up her hand as her escorts raised their swords. "I will give you one last chance to make a smarter choice. You have until the count of three to step away from Spicer, and I will forgive your indiscretion as misplaced loyalty. Otherwise, you will all be coming with me."
"I can assure you, it'd be much easier to skip straight to zero, prosecutor," Darkness replied with little pause, moving directly in front of me and sternly crossing her arms. "We've made our choice. I implore you to make yours."
Uh…o-okay then...I wanna say that's the masochism talking. After all, Darkness is the kind of freak who could probably make jailtime sound like a fun time. But what about Megumin? What's her excuse?
"You guys are gonna wish you left us alone," The little mage threatened, brandishing her staff and pointing it at the guards. "Prepare to face your darkest demons, for my friends and I shall hold nothing back! May Eris grant you mercy...for you shall receive NONE OF IT FROM US!"
...yeah, I got nothing.
Hang on…these chicks weren't being serious, were they? This had to be a prank at my expense. I mean, they all saw that my first instinct was to leave 'em out to dry when the going got too tough (even though they were the ones who wouldn't listen to reason). Wouldn't it make sense for them to give me a false sense of hope as sort of payback for what happened yesterday?
…wouldn't it?
A sharp spike of panic ran through me. I suddenly realized that not only was it likely they were being serious, but that we were all still definitely going to jail either way. So, in a split second decision, I chose to take a course of action that usually worked out well enough for me back home: running like hell.
"SMOKE BOMB!"
I had just enough time to see Sena's stunned expression when I threw the metal orb at her feet before it exploded. As smoke lingered in the air and guards were stumbling all over each other, I speed-dialed the three Secret Service Bots that I had following me during this morning's trip. Ever since that goblin quest with Dust's party, I've always had a few JackBots tag along in the shadows just in case.
We were thankfully close enough to the doors for the sharply dressed robots to see us through all the smoke. They promptly lifted my party members up by their shoulders and out the building while I activated my HeliBot. All I could think at that moment was thank evil I had the bots pack our stuff in advance!
Five minutes later and I had stuffed the girls into the flying limo prototype I'd been working on in my hanger bay (though I had to frantically reassure Megumin and Darkness that it was not a "mini Destroyer"). After that, I quickly saved my WingBots' memory files to a portable hard drive and sent out an executive follow order to all active bots. It was officially time to jump ship, and all I could focus on at that moment was being proud that I at least had a plan in place for the inevitable...
From there, it was as simple as cruising through the skies with my JackBots while looking for a new base to set up shop in. Thankfully, I was smart enough to have a soundproof tinted window I could roll up to separate the cabin from the driver's seat, allowing me to focus on flying through the snow storm that hit. Did not need the girls' screeches distracting me when that little snafu happened, no sir.
Eventually, we settled for a dungeon that seemed far enough away (at least on foot) and began unloading. Once the JackBots cleared the first few floors for any remaining monsters that didn't get picked cleaned by past adventurers, I ordered my BuilderBots to get to work excavating so I could get started on constructing my new evil lair. And here we are now.
On the farthest side of the main room, Aqua and Megumin were sitting next to each other, glaring in my direction. Apparently, they weren't feeling particularly grateful tonight. Darkness wasn't faring much better, as she was pacing up a storm down the adjoining hall, muttering to herself in a near delirious state. My entire party was at their wit's end, and it seems I was the only one interested in keeping things moving along.
Without saying a word to anyone, I walked over to a rock with a flat surface and sprawled out the floor plans for my new lair, along with some small equipment and that high-tech crossbow I was working on. I kept my eyes glued to the paper and kept my brain preoccupied with equations and calculations on what the length, width, and height of the new lair. However, despite how deeply my nose was buried in work, I couldn't shake off those writhing glares from my first two party members alongside the insane mutterings of the third.
Eventually, the outside stimulus was simply too much for me to handle all at once.
I snapped my head in Aqua and Megumin's direction, waving a hand in front of my own scowling face. "What is this face you two are making right now!?"
"It's the face of deciding whether or not to beat your ass right now..." Aqua hissed dangerously, returning to her roots after her weird episode back at the guild. "Why the hell did you drag us here against our will!? Do you have any idea how screwed we are right now thanks to you?"
"How is this MY fault!?" I half-screamed in confusion and frustration. "I got us out of a bad situation before shit could hit the fan, and this is the thanks I get? I couldn't afford to land us in jail, Aqua! Do you have any idea what they do to evil geniuses in there!?"
"Jack, you turned a bad situation into a WORSE one!" Megumin screeched, throwing up her arms and flailing wildly with reckless abandon, nearly whacking Aqua in the process. "We're fugitives now! Sena's gonna call in more of the Royal Guard to try and track us down! You didn't just make things worse for yourself: you had to rope us all into this!"
"Only because you decided to stick around!" I challenged right back. "You had your perfect opportunity to ditch me, and you blew it for some stupid reason! So don't come at me with that 'you roped us into this' crap! I'm not having it!"
Refusing to look at either ladies, I held up my hand dismissively and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself back down. "Look, whatever, it's a moot point. Once I take over the world, we won't have to worry about running from the law any-"
"Oh for the love of Me, will you shut the fuck up about that!?" Aqua shouted, cutting me off mid-sentence and bringing a short silence with her outburst. "I've had enough of your 'bUt I'm EvIl' shit! It was fine at first, I understand everyone has their quirks, but you've taken this obsession too damn far! No one is buying it, so will you cut it the fuck out already!?"
"It is NOT an obsession!" I argued while slamming my fist against the surface of the rock, regretting it almost immediately. "It's been my life's dream ever since Second-Goddamn-Grade! Also, I KNEW you didn't really believe in it! I overheard you guys talking after the cabbage harvest; about how you were gonna 'smile and nod' at the 'chuuni boy'. Only reason I didn't say anything was because I wanted to feel like I was being vindicated for once!"
"We wouldn't have to lie to you if you just recognized how absolutely nuts you sound!" Aqua fired back, her patience worn out as she stormed up to me and roughly jabbed me in the chest. "I never imagined your stupid little fantasy would get us thrown out of town or arrested! None of us did! We thought if we'd indulge you a little here and there, you'd learn that your 'dream' was crazy and you'd wise up to the world around you! Instead, you managed to screw us in a way we can't possibly hope to reverse!"
I pointed furiously over at Megumin. "What, and that one over there gets a pass using nothing but Explosion Magic because she isn't a megalomaniac? Nice to see where your priorities lie, washed-up old hag!"
Aqua's eyes practically glowed with thinly veiled fury, and Megumin rose from her seat to angrily rant at me. I tuned her out and turned my gaze to Darkness, who was still pacing over in the other hall. I swear she was starting to form a small trench into the stone floor.
"Dark, what is up with you? You've been like that ever since we landed," I called out stupidly.
The moment the stressed Crusader stopped dead in her tracks was the moment I realized I may have dug my own grave. She slowly turned to look at me and by Jesus she could probably make Chase Young cower with that stare. That's when she started fucking stomping towards me like an angry elephant.
I instantly backed away with my arms raised to show I wasn't a threat to the bigger animal. Darkness may have been trash when it came to swinging a sword, but I didn't know how well that inaccuracy translated with her fists.
"W-Was it something I said…?" I meekly placated.
Without a word, Darkness reeled in for an incoming punch! I let out an embarrassingly high-pitched scream and covered my easy-to-bruise face.
...
After a moment of no fist colliding with my face, I slowly moved my hands away to see what the holdup was. Turns out, Darkness wasn't trying to knock my lights out. She was trying to show me an ornate gold pendant with a distinct crest in its center.
After studying it for a good bit, Darkness began to speak, her eyes sharpening at me and her voice steadily rising in volume.
"This is the crest of House Dustiness, one of the most important noble households in Belzerg. You may know me as Darkness, but my true name is Lalatina Ford Dustiness. Thanks to you, my family may be in serious jeopardy now! Sena is going to look into me as a co-conspirator against the kingdom; that means she'll be looking into my real identity! My father, my little cousin, everyone in my family will be disgraced because of your actions! This is not something we can fix with any of your machines, nor your absurd notion of 'ruling the world' – DO YOU HEAR ME!? You've made a horrible mistake and for once I WILL NOT CUT YOU ANY SLACK FOR IT!"
It admittedly took a while for me to stop shaking inside the collar of my trench coat like a scared turtle. What eventually made me stop was the second Darkness's words fully registered in my rapid-fire mind. And when it finally hit me? You better believe that cowardice melted away in favor of renewed anger.
"Hang on…hold the phone – hold the fuck!" I demanded accusingly as I popped my head out of my shell – err, collar. Darkness did not look impressed but I continued anyway. "Not only were you a rich kid like me this time whole, but it didn't occur to you to abuse your status when we could've used it the most!? What's wrong with you!?"
"What's wrong with ME!? What's wrong with YOU!? How dare you insinuate that I should abuse my authority like a corrupt noblewoman!" Darkness hotly refuted, shoving me backwards and nearly sending me flying across the room. "We had other options, dammit! We could've found a way to keep you from being arrested without having to expose my identity or put my family at risk! You're the one who ruined that plan, not us! This is all your fault, so why can't you just own up to it for once!?"
"No, no, do not pin the blame on me!" I cried angrily, emotions at an all-time high. "You girls had your chance to save your own skins, and you blew it! Instead of going with the crowd, you made the decision to stand by the guy who was being accused of terrorism! You thought to yourselves, 'Hmm, yes, this is the smart thing to do'! I'll admit, I've made some pretty dumb calls before, but what you did takes the cake!"
"You seriously just expected us to abandon you like that? After everything we've been through!?" Megumin interjected, frowning intensely at me as I turned to face her. "What the hell is it gonna take for you to trust us, man!? Hell, to trust anybody!? Why are you so afraid to get close to people!?"
Oh god, with this shit again! I had a feeling this would come up. But at this point I was too angry, scared, and hungry to think of a clever distraction. I was so high-strung, I did what I always do whenever I'm in a mood for the ages: vent/rant incoherently.
"Oh, you wanna know why? You wanna know why I can't bring myself to trust you, or Aqua, or Darkness, or anyone that isn't a robot I made? You wanna know my sob story that badly!? Alright, fine, sure. I'll cut open my fuckin' stomach and spill my guts out for ya, right here and now! Once I'm done, feel free to stomp on my still beating heart till your own heart's content!"
I proceeded to shoot up a finger for both emphasis and to begin the long list of things wrong with my life.
"Since First Grade, I was deemed subhuman simply by virtue of having a genetic disorder and being 'eccentric', which is a polite codeword that bitch Mrs. Cornhaven used in place of autistic. I did what I could to try and socialize, but no one wanted to be friends with a weird kid who looks like a zombie! Even letting slip that I was the son of the wealthiest people alive wasn't enough for those ingrates! Yes, you heard that right: not even money was enough to buy me friendship! Second Grade rolls around and I discover my life's passion for world domination. Everyone laughs at me for it, the teacher gives me detention, and I run into the bathroom stalls to cry, a habit I have yet to kick to this day. The only reason any of my classmates would hang out with me was so they could mooch off of my homework or have me carry a group project while they just goofed off! And they still got credit for it because my country's education system is a joke! You should've gotten an 'F' for 'FUCK YOU', Kyle!"
This felt dangerously similar to my last visit to Chase Young, where I called the lizard out on all his crap before he had his jungle cats attack. Part of me wanted to stop, but I've been holding in for so long, and I was so hangry that I just kept going, pacing around the rock table as I practically frothed at the mouth.
"Age fourteen, I meet Wuya, that naggy bitch of a ghost I told you about. She promises me co-ownership of Earth if I help her. I remember thinking, 'Oh my god, I actually made a like-minded friend, this is the best day ever'! A few months later and she tries to ditch me for someone she thought as more worthwhile! Should I have known double-crossing was something villains do with their allies? Yeah, maybe, but I was desperate for companionship, okay!? I love my robots, don't get it twisted, but sometimes I...I-I dunno, maybe it's because I'm a human and humans are inherently social creatures? Maybe a part of me kept crawling back because I kept holding out hope that our partnership could develop into a genuine friendship. Well, that dream died when Witch Bitch got her body and powers back, making me less than nothing in her eyes! Gah – I should've known better than try to befriend someone who calls my only friends 'mindless machines'! THEY HAVE EMOTION CHIPS FOR A REASON, YOU CUNT!"
I vaguely remembered knocking something over off the rock table as I worked myself up more and more, vision getting blurry with tears I was trying really hard to hold back. I couldn't stop myself now even if I wanted to.
"And of course, the one man I used to hold in the highest regards: my role model, my evil hero, the man who stole my heart, the man who inspired my whole damn career! What did he do when I tried to win his affections? He belittled me, called me a worm, hit me, tricked me, took me on as a pity apprentice, left me to almost get eaten by a dinosaur – DON'T ASK, it's a long story! Point is, he hated my very existence. And you wanna know what he said to me when I finally confessed my feelings to him? He said, and I quote, 'I know'. Then he followed it up by commanding his jungle cats to maul me half to death! Again, immortal bad guy, I'm aware, BUT STILL, OKAY!? I just wanted so badly to get close to another human being, even if they were cursed to live forever and lost sight of their humanity! I couldn't help it, I was young and in love and stupid! But I know better now. I know now to never trust humans or immortals because they're all ratfinks that'll stab you in the back when you no longer have a use to them. Or if they just need a good fucking laugh I guess!"
Eventually, I finally felt myself losing some steam as I collapsed atop the rock table I've been pacing around to catch my breath. When I lazily gazed up at the girls, they looked…floored, to say the least. Should've expected as much.
"Oh yeah, and in case you missed it, I'm also bisexual. There, I came out. Raise your torches and pitch forks at me for going against 'God's way' or whatever dumb, backwards, medieval bullshit you cavemen buy into. I don't care anymore…"
The silence that followed was crushing, heavy beyond belief. It was better than the anger, the yelling, all the chaos I'd instigated...but not by much. I dropped my gaze back to the floor once I finished speaking, so I hadn't the slightest idea what show of emotions played out on each of the girls' faces. Disgust? Irritation? There was always the possibility that they simply didn't care. Plenty of people don't.
"...wow," Aqua practically whispered, her tone completely unreadable. No anger or sarcasm from what I could pick up on, but that didn't mean those emotions probably weren't there. "I...don't even know what to say. To any of that, really. Jack...how long has it been since you've actually talked to someone about this stuff?"
I scoffed, but decided to humor the braindead goddess anyway because why not? "I've already confided in the JackBots a long time ago, they're more than well aware by now. They're practically my family, which is more than I can say for my actual family who thought it was okay to leave a toddler to survive on his own during business trips..."
Another beat of silence, one that was eventually broken by a long whistle from Megumin. She fell back down into a sitting position on the rock she'd been benched on with Aqua, a bewildered and sympathetic look on her face. Actually, scratch that, just bewildered. Ain't no way these clowns know sympathy.
"Holy shit...and I thought Yunyun had it bad," She muttered quietly, her fighting spirit seemingly having dissipated as she shook her head. "I'm still pissed at you, but I never could've imagined you went through...all that! You really couldn't trust anyone but your robots?"
"Oh for fuck's sake – yes! That's what these are for!" I groaned in exasperation as I pulled out one of the WingBots' emotion chips still stashed away in my pocket. "I figured if humans and everything else in between were colder than robots, I'd make my own robots more emotional and empathetic to compensate. Besides they're easier to understand than people; if there's something wrong with them, I can fix it. There's no fixing people..."
Darkness, Megumin, and Aqua all looked away from me at this point, glancing at each other as if they were having a silent conversation. Whatever they were doing, it didn't last long as Aqua split off from the group and approached me, keeping a respectful distance from the rock I was still sprawled out upon.
"Look, we're still gonna have a long talk about everything that's happened today, but...you need to understand something first," She started, her tone surprisingly even and fair considering everything we were going through. "Even if we're mad at you, we'll still trust you. But you need to show a little trust in return if you wanna make this whole party thing work out."
I remember staring long and hard at the goddess who said that in front of my face. I also faintly recall seeing her associates nodding solemnly(?) in agreement. For a while, I was at a loss for words…
Until I found them.
"Are you kidding me...?" I said faintly at first, which was apparently enough to make Aqua flinch slightly. "After all the shit I pulled, you not really believing I'm evil, me basically ruining your lives – all of that! And you're here preaching about how I should trust you while you trust me…? What is wrong with you people!? I literally insulted you not a moment ago by calling you all cavemen, I didn't think you'd actually prove me right on that!"
Megumin sprang up from her seat again, eyes glowing brightly to indicate her raw emotions were running rampant. She told me it was thing all Crimson Demons' eyes did whenever they get emotional in any way. Why couldn't everybody have that power? It'd make reading people so much easier.
"We just want to help you, goddammit!" Megumin practically screamed. "We're your friends, that's what friends do! They're there for one another when things get tough! We may fight from time to time, sure, but that's part of the experience! You have to let us in, Jack! It's not healthy to keep us at arm's length all the time!"
"Back off, Patchworks! I don't need your pity!" I barked with newfound energy. "In fact, I don't need any of you! My robots are the only friends I'll ever need! In fact, I can just replace you all with robot copies of yourselves! I've made a RoboJack before, I can sure as hell make a RoboMegumin! Except this one will be more useful since it'll stuffed with missiles! Don't believe me? Just watch! Sandbox Mode!"
Calling upon my cheat skill, I quickly scanned the magical menu of materials projected in front of me to build some better friends. However, I only managed to spawn a soldering iron, blowtorch, and a few sheets of metal before the screen fizzled away. I had used up all of my mana once again...
With an agitated growl, I pulled down my goggles and tried my best to work with what I had. I barely got started on anything before accidentally burning my hand with the blowtorch in a rush. I scrambled down to my knees in a mad dash to pick up the tool, but was stopped when a hand held my wrist in place. The yellow-orange wrist guard on it gave me all the clues I needed to know who it belonged to. Of course it had to be her out of the three idiots I got stuck with!
"Jack, stop. Calm down and breathe. You're frazzled and not thinking straight," Darkness stated in a firm yet strangely calm tone. I tried in vain to escape her grip but she yanked my arm upward, my body following suit and coming face to face with her stoic expression. "If nothing else can get through to you, answer me this: if you really could have built these 'robo' versions of us...then why haven't you done so already?"
My mind went completely blank at that moment. I think I remember just staring at her dumbfounded for a few seconds before slowly pushing my googles back up with my free hand.
"Huh…?"
Darkness elaborated, "You said you could've made replacements for us whenever you wanted, yet you're only now trying to do so. And the reason why you haven't done so earlier, I believe, is because you recognize us as your friends. Whether you're willing to admit it or not, on some level...you do trust us as we trust you."
As Darkness was talking, she passed my burned hand over to Aqua, who healed it in a jiffy while the Crusader carried on with her speech. "We stood up for you at the guild for a reason. You're a unique individual – and positively brilliant to boot! But you're also a person who operates with the best of intentions. You may not ever admit it to yourself, but your heart is bigger than you let on."
"N-No it's not! It's greedy and black like my soul, y-you dumb perv!" I spat hastily, feeling the inexplicable urge to cry again. "I'm not c-crying, YOU ARE! Guys aren't supposed to cry, let alone the bad ones!"
Suddenly, Megumin stepped in from nearby, the young mage offering me an expression that was far too kind for her. Before I could tell her to go away, she began tearing down the walls I worked so hard to put up since coming to this world.
"Jack...you're the only person I've ever met who's even bothered to entertain the notion of letting me stay in your party, even after I told you how I only use Explosion. It's only fair that I do everything in my power to help you when you need it, which you certainly did back at the guild. Like Darkness said, there's a reason we stood up for you when everyone else backed down."
"That…that didn't mean anything!" I insisted, though a small voice in the back of my head was telling me otherwise. "The only reason I bothered to let you in was because I needed more bodies at the time! I-It was all purely for my immediate gain, so shut up!"
"Truthfully, I didn't have much confidence that I'd ever be accepted into your party either, or any party for that matter," Darkness admitted, only the slightest tinge of red in her cheeks as she somehow managed to keep her composure better than me. "Given my, err...clumsiness, I fully expected to be shut out and turned down endlessly. Though reluctant at first, you accepted me nonetheless, and not once did you threaten to kick me out despite my obvious shortcomings. I am eternally thankful for that, you know."
"N-No…" I weakly challenged, the black rings surrounding my vision growing with each passing second. "I never threatened to kick you out because...because I knew you'd be into that! In fact, I think you once said you'd be fine with me abandoning you! Just let me get back to my tools so I can replace you and fulfill that stupid fantasy – NO, WAIT! I don't wanna give you the satisfaction! Fuck!"
Aqua stepped up, crossing her arms as she spoke but getting the words out all the same. "I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but the truth is...the fact you've stayed by my side for so long is honesty really sweet of you. You've been fairly patient with me in the grand scheme of things, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate it. I'll admit, I may not be the brightest torch in the room, but I appreciate you willing to work with me anyway. So thank you, Spicer-sama..."
Now that made me freeze completely. Aqua said that…Aqua, the scatterbrained demigod who – in spite of her low IQ – should at least be smart enough to hate me forever…Aqua said that!
It was at that moment that the girls did the last thing I could have possibly expected from them: the three of them huddled around me and offered me the first genuine embrace I'd felt in years. And all the while, they reassured with soft words that they would never abandon me like those who came before. That they'd stay by my side through hell or highwater...
And just like that, the floodgates came a-bursting.
I ugly-cried for what had to be like the second(?) time since coming to this world, not counting the several dozen minor episodes I've had over the course of my journey thus far. So much for that personal vow I made back on Earth; looks as though I'm destined to be a crybaby. But strangely enough, as disappointed as I was in myself at that realization…it actually felt kinda good in this one instance. I know, it's weird for me to say, but for some reason this cry in particular felt…cathartic, if that's the right word.
In fact, I think the only other time I had a cry this good was when the girls comforted me after the incident with the...Winter Shogun…
Oh shit, this was what it was like to have real friends who support you, wasn't it? What the girls were doing right now was almost beat-for-beat what the JackBots would do whenever they sensed I was upset. So that must mean these ladies truly do care about me as though they were my bots, right? Like, they're not just idiots who don't know any better, they honestly give a rat's ass about Jack Spicer, right?
…
I returned the hug tenfold. To hell with the 3-second rule, it was a stupid rule to begin with. I should be allowed to hug people I care about for as long as I want. Screw you if you think that's weird and creepy!
To my unending surprise, the girls didn't object to me hugging them back either. For that span of time, we really did just stand there, my teammates offering me more comfort than I probably deserved. At one point, Darkness handed me a handkerchief to blow my nose with, and once I finished, I kinda just...offered it back to her. She looked utterly confused, but Megumin and Aqua actually managed a few laughs over it, so it could've been worse.
After deciding that I'd just hold onto it for a bit, I ran a hand over my red-hot face and groaned. "Oogh…why am I such a train wreck? In fact, just why in general?"
"I don't think any one of us are properly equipped to answer either of those," Megumin chuckled lightly, bumping my shoulder and offering me an encouraging smile. "But if it's any consolation, you're really not that bad of a train wreck. More like a...semi-train wreck!"
"Really regret explaining locomotives to you," I actually managed to chuckle, slowly but surely regaining my cool. However, that faltered slightly when I went to dry my hands and got black smudges on my fingertips. "Does anyone have eyeliner? Girls carry makeup all the time, don't they?"
Darkness opened her mouth, potentially to refute the statement and its implications, before Aqua did just as I requested. She handed me the eyeliner with little pause while offering the bewildered Crusader a casual shrug.
"What? It pays to be prepared! Sometimes you need a little bit of a touch up, y'know?"
I quietly snorted at the girl's viewpoint as I carefully redid the evil "scars" under my eyes with the HeliBot's extended mirror arm. Once I was satisfied with my handiwork, I retracted the mirror and handed the eyeliner back to Aqua, who nodded in thanks. I then took a breath and said what had to be on everyone's mind at the moment (or at least my mind).
"So…even though I'm a bisexual, evil teen genius who wants to rule the world with an army emotional robots with saw blades for fingers…you guys still wanna be my friends? Like, you're seriously willing to overlook all of that just for me?"
"Of course we are, Jack! It doesn't matter who or what you are, we're in this together! All the way to the max!" Aqua assured me happily, before leaning in to not-so-quietly whisper. "By the way, I wouldn't worry about the whole 'being bi' thing if I were you. People in this world are actually fairly open about their sexualities. Sure, there are still assholes here and there, but it's not so bad! I'm pretty sure even Eris herself is bi. So you don't have to worry about being lynched any time soon."
"Wow, really?" I asked, truly stunned by the reveal that a medieval world like this one didn't frown upon LGBTQ. "That's…surprisingly progressive. I'd thought for sure this place wouldn't tolerate my tastes given my own world's history. Well, uh…yes, I like both guys and girls. Have a slight preference for guys, especially if they're toned, but either is fair game. Now you know."
"Now we know!" Aqua repeated happily, coaxing a short burst of laughter from me. "By the way, I have a thing for toned guys too! Especially if they like to party hard and drink lots o' bubbly!"
"I'm not really interested in romantic pursuits, but if I had to describe my ideal guy? He'd be dashing and peerless," Megumin added with closed eyes and a cupped chin, nodding to herself as she did. "Unlike the dull Yunyun who would rather settle for an unremarkable significant other, mine would completely upstage hers!"
"Leave to you to make finding a soulmate a competition," I snorted. Without even thinking, my eyes wandered expectantly to Darkness, as did Aqua's and Megumin's. Being put on the spot, our resident degenerate began fidgeting while discovering a newfound fascination with her boots.
"I...uh...w-would rather not say..."
"Aww c'mon, Dark!" Aqua playfully whined. "We're all sharing our preferences and types! Don't leave us hanging!"
Megumin was quick to intervene. "Actually, please do leave us hanging. Given your various kinks and fetishes, it's best if the world never knows what your 'dream partner' really is..."
I nodded along in agreement as Aqua seemingly sobered up and realized her mistake. "Oh yeah. Never mind, keep your secrets."
"I-I don't think I like this type of embarrassment...!" Darkness said mostly to herself as she buried her now burning face into her hands. It felt so mean to laugh at her expense alongside the others but...I think we all knew it was just in good fun. Besides, she was a big girl, she could handle it.
"Alright, well, this has been something," I finally said after we finally composed ourselves again. "But as much as I hate to be a party pooper, we still kinda need to figure out what the hell it is we're supposed to do now. I'm still all for making a new lair in this abandoned dungeon. That should at least give us a place to hide until we can come up with a plan to get out out of this mess I made."
"Actually, sir, I believe there's something we need to discuss before we can continue the excavation efforts."
Bob the BuilderBot told me this as he hovered back into the main floor of the dungeon. But before I could ask him to elaborate, there was something noticeably different about him compared to the last time I spoke with him.
"Bob, why are you wearing Megumin's eyepatch? Where'd you even find that thing? I haven't seen her wear it in a while."
"I retrieved it from the guild some days ago. I thought it'd make for an interesting way to visually differentiate myself amongst my brothers," Bob answered, before providing an addendum after an awkward pause. "And because one of my photoreceptors was damaged during the digging process..."
I stared down at the bot skeptically, like the doting father that I was to my boys. I had to admit, Bob made it work, even if it did make him look like a pirate construction worker when paired with his yellow hardhat.
I glanced back over at the original owner of the eyepatch. "You cool with Bob burrowing it? At least until I get his eye repaired?"
"Honestly? He kinda rocks it! Besides, it's not like I was really using it that much anyway," Megumin replied with a thumbs-up and a small smile. "Lookin' good, Bob! If you ever want more Crimson Demon garb, let me know! I may not be my village's foremost tailor like Chekera, but I know how to stitch some things together!"
"Thank you, ma'am! I think some of my brothers would take you up on that!" Bob replied with a tip of his hardhat before going back to address me. "Anyway, as I was saying, we had to halt the excavation efforts for two reasons. The first being that the mural we were tearing down actually leads to a hidden stairwell. The second being...well, we found something down there after sending a scout to investigate."
"You're being awfully mysterious about this, and you know I don't like mysteries. What did the scout report?"
"An ornate, unopened treasure chest sitting in an empty room all by itself..." The BuilderBot reported diligently, though with slight hesitation in his vocal patterns. "It seemed off to me and the others, so we chose not to mess with it until we notified you first. What are your orders, sir?"
I frowned at the thought of an ancient mystery box, a subject I subject I was all too familiar with. But as I glanced around and noticed the spark of curiosity on each of the girl's faces, I knew better than to try and argue. With a sigh, I nodded at Bob.
"Take us there, I guess."
Saluting, the automaton motioned for us to follow as he led the charge. As the girls and I kept up with Bob, we saw all the other BuilderBots hovering idly around the construction sites, just as confused as we were. Sure enough, the mural wall I ordered to be knocked down did reveal a previously hidden stairwell (so I guess that'll make building a second lair a lot easier on my end).
We descended the stairs, the only sound being Bob's propulsion jet gliding him down the steps. After making it to the bottom without any complications, we found ourselves in a suspiciously wide open room with an even more suspicious fancy black/gold treasure chest sitting atop an altar at the far end.
I had a bad feeling about this…and not the good kind.