I sighed loudly as soon as my body made contact with the inviting cushions of my swivel chair.

It was always a treat to come down to my evil lair and unwind after a long adventure, successful or otherwise. While the world above had yet to recognize me as their wrongful Emperor of Darkness (the concept, not my teammate), down here I was already a king, complete with loyal servants who would happily tend to my every whim! Speaking of which…

"FridgeBot!" I called on my wrist communicator. "Come over here, will ya? Daddy needs a cold one."

After a few seconds, the rectangular bot appeared with a fresh soda already in claw, which I accepted gratefully. I'd developed him after the loss of our magic fridge that had been hauled away to pay off the debt. So far he proved to be a suitable replacement, if not an improvement!

"You. Are. A. Lifesaver," I enunciated with appreciation while cracking open the can. My bots were such bros, I didn't even need to program them to strictly obey me! Yeah, that's right, their adoration for me was so genuine that, nine times out of ten, programming them to follow my orders was redundant. Some may call it stupid and foolhardy, I call it a show of trust; to let my boys know that I care about them as much as they care about me.

And sure, I've had my fair share of rebellious androids (looking at you, RoboJack). But that's just the way the cookie crumbles when it comes to installing emotion chips. For the most part, though, my homies were loyal.

I wheeled over to my workbench, intent on starting up yet another project while I enjoyed my cold beverage. As I did so, I booted up the computer and opened up a fresh personal log file, one of now hundreds recorded on my device. May as well get a head start on my autobiography once I conquer the world, y'know?

Jack Spicer's Digital Diabolical Diary (DDD). Entry log # 113.

Dear DDD, not only has it been a week since I finished coating the JackBots in adamantite casings, but it's also been a week since my relationship with the girls advanced from simple evil friends to an evil little family of sorts! Well, soon-to-be evil, anyway. We're still working on their moral alignment. Either way, pretty significant developments regardless! I'm certainly pleased as punch about it!

First and foremost, there's recently been a new addition to the family! A small, furry, confusing addition by the name of Chomusuke, Megumin's "familiar". I'll be honest, when that cat first showed up, I was…let's say skeptical.

My party and I miserably bust down the door to our home, bodies covered head to toe in frog spit. Even though Spring was still a ways away, the Giant Toads woke up from their hibernation early this year. Apparently, going out with Megumin on her daily Explosions disturbed them from their sleep, and the guild forced us to go clean up "our mess".

Such much for their previous hospitality. Friggin' ingrates.

Still, at least Darkness was able to cut us free thanks to the electroshock gloves I outfitted her with. Believe it or not, she was the only one to be spared from getting eaten. The universe works in ironically cruel ways sometimes.

"And I thought the inside of a dragon smelled rank…" I said numbly, wincing as the memory of being eaten by Dojo was still fresh in my mind along with all my other bad memories. Wiz owed me a discount on potions for unintentionally making me relive my lowest moments on Earth.

"I hate toads...I HATE THEM! They're lucky I don't have access to all my godly powers, or I'd smite them all to dust!" Aqua fumed, equal parts mad and distraught over yet another incident with those giant monstrosities. "Ugh, I need a bath...and a hug."

"I just hope you do those things exactly in that order," Megumin grumbled beside me. I didn't feel like carrying her today, so I used a little bit of Drain Touch to give her enough of my energy to be able to move around on her own. "By the way, Darkness, how come none of the toads went after you? I thought you had the Decoy skill listed as one of your abilities."

"I believe it may have been my armor. Toads don't have much tolerance for metal, so I believe it was acting as a deterrent," The crusader replied glumly, bummed that she didn't get the treatment the rest of us did. Par for the course with her, really. "I'll have to remember that for the future…"

"Yeah, would've been nice to know that beforehand…" I muttered. "But now that we do know, I think we can leave all future toad-related quests in the JackBots' care. Besides, they're too low-leveled for us to grind for XP anymore, even if they are ginormous."

"A ginormous pain in the butt, that's for sure," Megumin huffed before glancing at the rest of us with an impatient look. "So are we drawing straws to see who gets the bath first or what?"

"Honestly, it'd be better if you, Darkness, and I go in together. It'll be kinda like a throwback to before we moved into the mansion!" Aqua suggested cheerfully to Megumin. Meanwhile, I was so stunned at what she said, I just had to interject.

"Woah-woah-woah, time out! What did you three do together…?"

"Uh, you know, bathe? Like civilized people?" Aqua answered like she were talking to a stupid person. "We're all girls, it's not that big of a deal. Don't go making it weird."

"Indeed, there really is nothing abnormal about it," Darkness added calmly. "The three of us have taken many baths together in the public bathhouses. What did you think when we would go together as a group and return all clean?"

"I-I dunno! I just assumed you all…took turns?" I stammered, silently praying an awkward blush wasn't taking over my face. "Look, I don't know about you, but I'm a man who takes his privacy seriously. So imagine my discomfort when the men's bathhouse was all I had to work with at the time. I'd have to wait till the dead of night when no one was around and sneak in just to clean myself, and even then I kept a towel on! Then the staff got suspicious when 'somebody' kept leaving wet towels on the floor after hours, which made it harder for me to sneak in and...UGH! I'm still pissed about it!"

"Yeesh, you've been holding onto that one for a while now, huh?" Aqua mused with a light chuckle. "You could've just told the staff you were a little shy. I'm sure they would've given you...I dunno, like a sheet or something."

I crossed my arms stubbornly and glanced away from her and the others. "Criminal masterminds don't gotta tell nobody nothin'. Besides, we have our own bathrooms now, so it's a moot point. Anyway, I think I've vented enough to earn the right to take a bath first."

"Not a chance! Darkness: RESTRAIN HIM!" Megumin ordered, totally infringing on my copyrighted catchphrase! And doing a killer job at imitating the style too!

The crusader (unable to resist her desire of being bossed around) trapped me in a bear hug while Megumin and Aqua took their leave.

"Darkness, what gives!?" I cried, struggling in vain to break free from the woman's gorilla strength. Even when oiled up in frog slime, I couldn't slip out, and she restrained me in such a way that I couldn't reach for my wrist com. "After all I've done for you, this is how you repay me? If I weren't kinda proud of you for using underhanded tactics, I'd be hurt right now."

"Oh, come now, Jack! No need to be so dramatic. It won't take them long to wash up. You'll have your turn soon enough, promise! Which means I'll be last, leaving me to w-wait in my own f-filth like a dirty sow~!"

But I'm the leader! I should get dibs on everything! That's how this works, dammit!

I think I still have enough mana left over to use one more basic spell. And if I twist my left hand enough, I can just barely touch Dark's side. Hmm...

"Freeze!"

With a sharp, suggestive gasp that I made a conscious effort to ignore, Dark's grip on me went slack enough for me to break out of. Wasting no time, I activated the HeliBot and zoomed down the corridors to the main bathroom at a breakneck pace, only slowing down when I passed by a befuddled Aqua and Megumin. There was always time for an evil taunt or two.

"Don't mess with Jack Spicer! MwaHaHaHaHa!"

"You ASS!" Megumin shouted after me. Not that I cared as I continued down the hall, ultimately coming to a halt outside the bathroom.

"Sorry, ladies, but a villain's hygiene comes first and foremost," I said smooth as silk once the two fuming girls rounded the corner. "Don't worry, I'll save some hot water for you after I'm done. Consider it a token of appreciation for playing dirty and using Darkness as a pawn for your own gain."

"Oh, as if! You're not getting away with this, Spicer!" Aqua shrieked, chucking her staff towards me with righteous fury!

Only for it to clatter a few feet away from me harmlessly.

Was this really the same person who used this exact tactic on Vanir and won?

After a beat of awkward silence, Aqua proceeded to haul ass towards me with a very angry look on her face. I may or may not have let out a less-than-manly scream at the scary image and slammed the door shut right before the crazy goddess could tackle me.

I locked the door the microsecond before a loud thud was heard followed by Aqua throwing another one of her childish crying fits again. I'd feel guilty…if she and Megumin hadn't started it! Time for my Saturday bubble bath!

After an hour or so, we'd all washed up and things had settled down, save for Megumin and Aqua glaring daggers at me. Luckily, I got the chance to escape for a moment when I heard a knock from the front door. Moving down the main hall and swinging it open, I was greeted to the sight of…

My front lawn…

Confused, I looked to my immediate left and right, just to make sure it wasn't the work of some prankster pulling a ring and run (or "knock and run" in this case). I was about to order the GuardBots to run a perimeter sweep around the house when the sound of a meow caused me to look down by my feet.

A small black cat with yellow eyes, a red cross on its forehead, and…bat wings? It looked up at me almost expectantly.

"…Nope."

I closed the door and made my way back to the living room where everyone else was. I didn't need any more cats in my life. Especially mutant-looking ones.

Once I returned to the living room, Megumin (still sulking on the couch with Aqua) asked moodily, "So who was at the door…?"

"Nobody as far as I could tell. Probably just someone messing with us. There was a cat hanging around the doorstep but that was about it."

Megumin snapped out of her mood and stared rather intensely at me. "Did you say a cat?"

Before I could even think to respond or ask why it even mattered, a knock on one of the windows caught everyone's attention. Sure enough, it was that cat again, tapping on the window and meowing like crazy.

"Chomusuke!" Megumin randomly cheered.

"Gesundheit," I said.

"Huh?" Megumin uttered, which was when I had to remind myself she didn't know German. Regardless, she went straight to the window the little feline was pawing at and opened it, reaching out to bring it inside. "Aww, I missed you! Where have you been?"

"I didn't know you owned a pet, Megumin," Darkness idly commented from the table where she was drinking tea.

"Familiar," She corrected. "And indeed I do, like all great mages. She was staying with me at the apartment I rented, before we moved to a tent outside the town walls. Must've gone into hiding after the fight with Beldia and the Mobile Fortress Destroyer."

"And you weren't...at all worried about her absence?" Darkness asked carefully.

"Nah, she's a resourceful little furball. I had complete faith in her ability to survive without me!"

"Pet Owner of the Year…" I grumbled irritably to myself. Although I guess I wasn't quiet enough as Megumin quickly glared daggers at me.

"You got a problem with how I take care of my familiar?"

I sighed, "No, it's not that. It's just-"

"Excuse me, sir!" JB-CUP4K3 called while entering the living room. Along with the rest of Attack Squad Sigma, he was one of the first bots to be coated in adamantine instead of the usual titanium. The new alloy was naturally white, so I was still in the process of spray-painting them their standard metallic brown color. "I was just wondering when you would get around to spray-painting my new…armor."

The JackBot paused as he noticed the feline in Megumin's hands. He then let out a mechanized whine/scream before flying over to Darkness and cowering behind her. "GET THAT HELLBEAST OUT OF HERE!"

"Since when were your robots afraid of cats?" Aqua asked in the middle of snickering. "Especially after all the monsters and demons that've destroyed them?"

"Uncalled for," I stated pointedly before explaining with a tired sigh. "The bots and I have had pretty lousy experiences with cats. Remember Katnappé, one of those two-bit villains I told you I used to compete with? Well, she and her 'genetically altered super kittens' did not do it for my boys, especially after they got done ripping them apart."

I then turned to Megumin to confess one last thing. Depending on her reaction, it would test the boundaries of our friendship.

"Besides...I'm more of a dog person anyway."

"Blasphemy!" The Crimson Demon declared dramatically. If she still had her cape on, she probably would've used her free hand to swish it too. "Cats are clearly the superior animal companions! They are the staple for every wizard and witch alike! Not only are dogs smelly and high-maintenance, they are also far too big to easily throw at your demonic opponents!"

Did she actually do that with her pet!?

"Awww, hey there little cutie~" Aqua cooed, going over to pet the kitty after Megumin's rant. What we both didn't expect, however, was for the damn thing to immediately lash out and scratch her hand, hissing while its hair stood up on its ends like a true black cat.

"Gah! What the hell, Megumin?! Get your cat under control!" She shrieked, lurching backwards while clutching her hand. "Little beast! Doesn't have any manners! Not to mention it reeks of a malevolent aura…"

"Might I try to pet her!?" Darkness asked excitedly, likely hoping to get the same unwelcome treatment. Funnily enough, when the unsubtle horndog stuck her hand out, the cat seemed unbothered by her. In fact, it even nuzzled its head up against her hand and purred.

"Hah! That's some irony for ya," I chuckled as Dark drew back her hand with a disappointed whine. But then I noticed the cat was now staring up at me. I held my hands up in surrender. "Uh...no..?"

"Ugh, don't be a big baby!" Megumin groaned while rolling her eyes at me. "Look, Chomusuke is staying whether you like it or not! The least you could do is try to make friends with her. I don't know what her deal is with Aqua, but she's actually pretty friendly! And I promise she's not some 'super kitten' or whatever. Just a regular kitten."

"Do regular kittens in this world have forehead crosses and bat wings?" I asked incredulously.

Megumin shrugged. "Probably."

"That's not a real answer!"

"Quit stalling and just pet her!"

Eyeing the jet-black cat with caution, I stole a glance over at Aqua and Cupcake, both of whom were silently shaking their heads "no" at me. Darkness just shrugged.

I sighed, closed my eyes, and turned my head away as I extended a shaky hand at the small hellbeast in front of me…

The cat leaned up to meet my hand and nuzzled into it like she did with Darkness, letting out an accompanying purr. In turn, I let out a deep sigh of relief and even took a minute to scratch behind her ears, drawing out a happy mewl.

Hmm…Maybe not all cats were terrible...even if dogs were still leagues better.

"Hang on! So that means I'm the only one she doesn't like!?" Aqua cried indignantly, glaring at the fluffball while my scratching hand was on autopilot. "What the hell!? I'm, like, super likable! Rotten little creature…"

Tuning Aqua out, I stopped scratching Megumin's cute pet for a moment to squat down and talk to it in a baby voice. "Hey little fella. You wanna be our evil team mascot? You could help boost our marketability when we make TV shows and movies about our rise to power~"

Chomusuke meowed idly, not really responding to the question so much as just...existing. She did reach her paw out and bopped me on the nose though. I'll take that as a yes!

"See? I had a feeling you'd come around to her. Call it Crimson Demon's intuition!" Megumin proclaimed proudly with a puffed up chest. After taking a second to bask in her own glory, she shot a quizzical look my way. "Also, 'evil team mascot'? Seriously?"

"Yeah, why not?" I retorted casually. "All the best teams have a mascot. The name's a little weird but I'm sure we can figure something out in the advertising department."

"Chomusuke's name isn't weird, it's badass!" Megumin cried, taking the cat away from me before pouting. "Honestly, I thought you would come to understand my clan's naming traditions by now. Some evil genius you are…"

Oh. So that's how it was gonna be, huh?

Snapping my fingers, JB-CUPC4K3 converted his chest into a boombox which played my custom evil theme music. At the same time, another JackBot sneaked in from the back and started filling the living room with smoke with his built-in smoke machine. Slowly, gradually,I laughed my trademark evil laugh before speaking to the wide-eyed kid with gusto.

"Ah, Megumin. Sweet, young, naïve Megumin. I am an evil genius. I've absorbed the knowledge of nearly every fictional villain in my homeworld; I know all the tricks of the trade! Which taunts to break out, what hand gestures to make, the perfect length for monologues, I have it all down pat! You still have much to learn, my evil apprentice. Much to learn indeed…"

By this point, both Darkness and Aqua were looking at me with matching expressions of utter bewilderment. But somehow, I had the strangest feeling that they also recognized this was just me being true to myself. Call it a hunch I guess, but a reassuring one all the same.

Megumin, on the other hand, took my challenge for what it was and leapt to her feet with a dramatic pose, even getting her cat to join alongside her.

"I AM MEGUMIN! The Crimson Demon's foremost prodigy and wielder of the most powerful spell known to man! Your complacency has led you astray, thinking I was your apprentice when it was actually my criminal mastermind hypnotizing you into believing that! My people are our own masters; not even the most likeminded of outsiders can tame the beasts sealed within each and every one of us!"

"AHA! Got you! You thought your criminal mastermind was hypnotizing mine? Well, what if that's what I wanted you to think, huh? What if my mind was so powerful and evil that it hypnotized yours into believing you hypnotized mine into believing that you were my apprentice when that's really what you were this whole time? Amateur villain mistake. Don't worry, it happens to the worst of us~"

"...they're insane," I heard Aqua muse aloud. "Oh well…if you can't beat 'em! Ahem…YOU DARE BICKER IN THE PRESENCE OF THE DIVINE GODDESS OF WATER?!"

"And you dare to dare our daring? How DARE you!" I challenged menacingly, secretly overjoyed that my corruption was spreading. "I square up against god-like beings for breakfast! You think I'm scared of Neptune's understudy?"

For the next fifteen minutes or so, we engaged in an evil rant-off, bragging about nothing and everything before eventually devolving into a giggle fest. Even Darkness, who hardly gave in to our shenanigans, couldn't help but laugh over the absurdity of it all.

Who knew a cat of all things could help bring us just a little closer together? Ashly gave me such a negative impression on felines, but Chomusuke showed me that they're not as annoying as I thought. Guess this means I won't be making any BloodhoundBots anytime soon. Oh well, there's always the prototype for a KnightBot! I am in a medieval fantasy world after all, it's only fitting.

Anyway, believe it or not, there was an incident that took place a few days after Chomusuke's arrival which ended up becoming another "family bonding" moment. Although the events leading up to it were a little awkward…

It still felt so wrong to use Aqua for my recharges...

As I stood there, using Drain Touch to get another energy boost from the sleeping goddess in the middle of the night, I couldn't really think of better solution. I burn through mana potions like crazy and I'm still a few Levels short from being able to switch to the Battlesmith class (which I hear gives an added bar to your magic meter). Really, the strategy I was using here was the most cost effective and productive.

Aqua sleeps like the dead and has a near endless supply of magic in her system, so coming up to her room every now and again to "refuel" worked out in the long-run. My lair probably wouldn't be half as functional as it was now if I had to sleep every single night to recharge. Why did Sandbox Mode have to be so magically goddamn taxing…?

But it's fine, though, really! I'm sure I'll figure out a less weird method eventually. The sooner I level up and get a mana upgrade, the better. I can't keep using Aqua as a battery forever. Who knows what would even happen if someone saw me like this?

"Jack?"

The shrill, girly shriek I let out was embarrassing as always, but I was more overtaken with panic as I turned and met Megumin's gaze. She stood in the open doorway with a horrified expression on her face, one all too similar to my own.

It was here that I realized I might've gotten lazy with my recent slip-ins and just left the door to Aqua's bedroom open for convenience sake. I wanted to blame my luck on this but…yeah, I got ballsy and was paying the price for it now.

"What…what are you doing?" She suddenly demanded, an honestly stern look crossing the kid's face. One that was enhanced by the menacing glow of her crimson eyes.

"…This is a dream~" I persuaded with wavy hands and a ghostly tone. "You're dreaming~ Go back to bed and forget about it in the morning…"

For a split second, I actually thought she was gonna buy it...but then her eyes hardened and she silently pointed for me to exit the room. With a scared whine, I accepted my fate and stepped out. After doing so, Megumin carefully shut Aqua's door, turned to me…and let loose.

"What the hell did I just see!?"

"I-It's not what it looks like!" I stuttered. "Nothing perverted was going on in there, I swear. Pleasedon'thitme!"

An old nervous tick of mine suddenly flared, the one where I automatically shield my face from someone I severely pissed off. Though Megumin was one of my closest friends, her angry glow-y eyes was enough to trigger the reaction. Thankfully, no punches came my way, only her hands removing my arms from my face as she sighed tiredly.

"Jack, I'm not gonna hit you...not yet, anyway, depending on your answer. Just explain to me what I saw in there and why I shouldn't give you a beatdown."

Talk about no pressure, yeah?

Before I could even begin to think of what to say, I was distracted by the thundering sound of footsteps coming down the main hall. Before I knew it, Darkness – still in her pajamas like the rest of us – came sliding into the hallway with her gloves on and sword in hand, ready for action. An admittedly funny sight to behold considering her current "battle attire". Just try not to stare, Jack…

"Jack, Megumin! I heard a commotion! What's wrong!?" She explained as she came to a halt in front of us, before noticing our expressions and slowly lowering her weapon. "Ah...I'm not interrupting anything important, am I? I just heard yelling and figured…"

"Uh…yes and no?" Megumin answered in an unsure tone, her intimidation factor taking a hit in the process. Unfortunately, it came back when she resumed her glare towards me and poked my chest hard. "I was up to get some water when I passed by Aqua's room and caught Spicer here doing something suspicious to her while she was asleep. Now I want him to spill before I can decide what to do with him."

"Something suspicious...?" Darkness questioned, turning to me with a somehow half-mortified, half-elated expression. And here I thought she was getting better at hiding it. "You weren't doing anything inappropriate, w-were you!?"

"NO! Get your mind outta the gutter! It's not like that!" I squawked pathetically, ears burning from frustration and embarrassment. "It was purely clinical in nature! I was just, uh…y'know…r-refueling, so to speak?"

"Ignoring the euphemisms that can be made, that's not reassuring!" Megumin asserted. "The hell do you mean by 'refueling'? Are you siphoning her blood in there!?"

"You make me sound like a vampire! I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!"

"Oh my Me, do you guys have any idea what time it is!? And why are you shouting outside of my room!?"

Aqua's door swung open, revealing the fuming goddess on the other side. Normally, the sight wouldn't give me much pause, but at that current moment in time, given the subject matter? I nearly shrieked a second time.

"Believe it or not, I need beauty sleep too you know! I'm already feeling drained as is, so again, I ask: why the yelling outside my room?" Aqua enunciated, causing me to flinch when she just so happened to use the word "drained" like that. Very poor choice of words.

"We're sorry, Aqua! Megumin and I were just discussing how Jack was in your room doing...something…involving sucking…" Darkness replied, trailing off for a moment as she turned to me. Oh no, PLEASE don't insinuate what I think you're about to insinuate!

"Jack…were you using Drain Touch on Aqua?"

Oh thank God...

Wait, no, this was still a worst case scenario!

"Is that true?" Aqua asked menacingly, an angry look truly befitting of a god. "Were you using a filthy undead skill on me in my sleep? Is that why I haven't felt fully refreshed in months?"

"Ah...well...maybe a lil' bit?"

I gulped as all three girls started to crack their knuckles. This was my worst nightmare. But there was no waking up from it. Might as explain myself before I have to take my lumps.

"Alright, look, before you beat me to a pulp, can we at least…walk together while I explain? I-I feel like I talk better if I'm in motion…please?"

Aqua scowled at me, but silently gestured down one of the longer halls in the mansion. Nodding, I started to walk, fiddling with my hands as the girls followed alongside me while I tried to find my words. It took a few seconds (the three of them glaring at me like bulls ready to charge did not help), but eventually I managed.

"Okay, so, um, let me just preface this by saying building an underground lair ain't cheap. Be it money for purchasing resources or magic points to spawn said resources, it's a big task. Before, it'd take me weeks just to build six JackBots, even with Sandbox Mode as my cheat skill. Even now, my mana reserves still aren't big enough to keep up with the extensive workload. So, when Wiz taught me Drain Touch for the first time, I-I figured I could…y'know, borrow some of Aqua's near limitless supply of magic to 'recharge' while I pull all-nighters down in the lab…"

"You do realize in order to 'borrow' something, permission is needed, yes?" Aqua seethed from my left.

That gave me pause. "Wait...you mean you actually would've -"

"HELL NO!" she yelled. "A pure goddess like me should never have to be subjected to dirty Lich skills under any conditions! Did you forget mana potions exist, stupid!?"

"I know they exist! I spend and burn through them like crazy because I'm up late a lot!" I confessed in frustration before realizing how I raised my voice at three people still willing to kill me. Glancing down at the floor, I cleared my throat.

"A-Anyway, I only drained you back then because that was before we were friends. Or, rather, that was before I was brave enough to see us as such. At the time, I figured that when you'd abandon me, I would've already had a base and robo-buddies built to keep me from feeling lonely. But then the thing with the Destroyer happened, one thing led to another, and now we're kind of like a family. But at that point, I was already in too deep with the Drain Touch situation and I didn't know what to do! I-I swear I've been looking into alternatives since then, but we're on a tighter budget now, a-and grinding for Levels is really hard, and…and…I...!"

"Alright, alright, settle down! Jeez...even when I'm mad at you, I hate it when you get all weepy," Aqua huffed, motioning for the group to stop and give me a second. "Look, I'm not gonna act like I'm okay with you doing this. Because I'm not. But I also understand you weren't trying to hurt me either. So, how about we work something out that doesn't involve you stealing my energy like a gross little creep, m'kay?"

I nodded miserably as I finished drying my eyes with the handkerchief Darkness loaned me when she noticed me tearing up. Unfortunately, I might've ruined with my mascara running. It didn't seem like she was all that bothered by it, but I still felt guilty anyway. I handed it back to her before addressing Aqua once more.

"Okay, yeah, this conversation's been long overdue. I think a part of me wanted to get caught so we could hash this out. Honestly, the only reason I didn't bring this up sooner was because…fuck, I know this sounds stupid, but I was afraid it would be like one of those anime moments where the girl makes a mountain out of a molehill and assaults the guy like a deranged maniac."

"I'm...not too sure about that," Megumin replied with a confused look, not that I could blame her. She still had no idea what anime was. "But as long as you stop using Drain Touch on Aqua – or anyone else for that matter – without permission, we won't give you any heat."

"She's right, we would never dare to get physical with you when you didn't deserve it. We'd be no better than…them," Darkness muttered spitefully, and it didn't take a genius to know she was referring to the monks. Even so, she pulled herself out of her little moment of righteous contempt and addressed me again, this time with a small blush. "Th-Though if you really were that in need of a 'r-refuel', I would've been more than happy to lend you my boundless stamina. J-Just say the word and I'll leave my door unlocked for you to siphon all my…my…uuu~!"

"...yeah, Dark's convinced me this is a habit I need to drop like a hot potato," I said, hoping the lack of lighting in the halls was hiding my own blush from the others. "But seriously, I really am sorry it got out of hand like this. I messed up, but I'm willing to do what it takes to make this up to you guys...ugh, being responsible feels gross."

"Daaaw, is the 'big strong bad guy' secretly a tsundere?" Aqua suddenly teased, poking my side until I swatted her hand away. "Oh, calm down! I think I've earned the right to mess with you a little after that stunt you pulled. As for what to do next…eh, let's figure that out in the morning. Aqua sleepy now…"

"Yeah, yeah. We should all probably get some rest," I agreed, admittedly relieved that things seemed to be winding down so simply. That really could've gone a lot worse. "Thanks guys, really. I know I'm still new to the whole friends thing, but I recognize you could've given me a lot of shit over this."

Megumin playfully punched my shoulder and smirked. "Yeah, well, while you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, we kinda know you inside and out at this point. So long as you keep stupid stuff like this down to a minimum, we won't bust your balls over it…much."

"I agree with Megumin. You certainly mean well where it matters most," Darkness chimed in with a light chuckle, lightly patting my opposite shoulder as she passed. "Growing pains are natural with these things, Jack. Just try to tell us next time, okay?"

"Alright, I get the point," I grumbled half-heartedly, straightening my Frankenstein's Monster tee before making my way to my own bedroom. "I may be a super evil genius, but I treat my companions well. I'll try to be more upfront with you guys about weird stuff next time. Be patient with me, 'k?"

"I make no promises~!" Aqua replied, chuckling as she stumbled down the hall in what likely would've been a skip if she weren't already drained. "goodnight, everyone! See you in the morning!"

We all bid each other a goodnight, me being the exception as I prefer to say "badnight" instead. While that talk might've been uncomfortable, I think it was ultimately for the better. Sometimes you just gotta rip the band-aid off in one fell swoop instead of agonizingly peeling it away.

With that in mind, I climbed into bed and actually managed to fall into an easy sleep this time. Take that, insomnia and night terrors! You're no match for Jack Spicer when he's got his Evil Posse looking out for him!

After breakfast the following morning, the girls and I had a proper discussion over my Drain Touch escapades and what to do. Believe it or not, we managed to come to a semi-reasonable compromise. So long as I agreed to TRY and get better sleep in the future, Aqua would get in touch with Eris (somehow) and "persuade" her to modify the MP cost for Sandbox Mode.

I don't know what kind of dirt she had on the Luck Goddess, but the blackmail seemed to work! It's now way less taxing to spawn stuff for my machines! I still have to stock up mana potions, but I can definitely work with this! Just gotta hope Eris doesn't further screw me over for this. She wouldn't do that to her senior's friend though, right...?

I'll fret over that later. Onto the highlight of the week. After a long-ass download period, I was finally able to copy a few digital movies from back home! It was tough choosing which films to download given just how long the process took, but I think I made the correct choice. After all, who doesn't enjoy a story from a galaxy far, far away?

My posse and I glumly ate dinner together in silence at the otherwise lively Adventurer's Guild.

We'd just returned empty-handed from a quest to rid a nearby dirty lake of alligator monsters. Since killing the monsters was optional, Aqua suggested that she could purify the lake and drive off the Brutal Alligators since their kind apparently thrives in polluted waters. However, the moment she mentioned how the process would eat up half the day, I said to hell with that and ordered Megumin to blow the lake sky-high. I figured that was the fastest and easiest solution from the start anyway.

Unfortunately, we were both a little too trigger happy because some of the gators miraculously survived the blast and started raining down from above like something out of a living nightmare.

Even though the JackBots cleaned up the mess and Darkness got chewed on a few times (much to her unsubtle delight), we were reprimanded by the Guild for destroying the lake and were denied our reward. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't take that sitting down, but it was pretty clear that the girls were out of energy, and frankly, so was I.

"So, um…how would you rate today's Explosion, Jack?" Megumin asked hesitantly, sounding more like Yunyun than herself. Guess she must've felt partially responsible for today's failure if she was resorting to the dreaded small talk.

"Solid eight out of ten. The gators did kinda contribute to the badass factor, even if it did make me nearly wet myself," I replied with a small chuckle, not used to the raincloud that seemed to be hovering over my team. We needed a pick-me-up, fast. And I may just have the perfect idea in mind!

"Hey, guys, remember those movies I told you about once? You know, that form of entertainment where I come from?"

Being the first to perk up, Darkness spoke. "Oh, you mean those things you and Aqua managed to find common ground to bond over? Yes indeed! What about them?"

"Well, recently, with a little bit of tinkering, I managed to download a few of my favorites from back home so we could all watch them here!" I explained, the three girls already perking right back up. "So, if you guys were up to it...why not crack one open tonight, see what you all think?"

"YES! FINALLY!" Aqua cheered, wrapping me into a surprise hug. "I've been starved of mindless media for so long since coming down here! Best movie buddy ever!"

"Hey, HEY! What I picked isn't 'mindless', thank you!" I defended awkwardly, caught off guard with the hug and tried desperately to regain control of the subject. "For your information, I elected to start off with something fun; you ever see Phantom Menace?"

I must've been getting better at reading people (either that or my blue-haired partner was more of an open book than me) because I quickly noticed how the light in Aqua's eyes faded the moment I popped the question.

Oh no…don't tell me she's one of those people who thinks the Prequels are an affront to Star Wars. We've been getting along so well over movies! I thought for sure she'd be able to understand the nuance Episodes I, II, and III had to offer! Then again…she was still Aqua at the end of the day. Maybe I just had too high of expectations set for her.

"The Prequels? Really?" She huffed, rolling her eyes at the offended gasp that immediately escaped me. "They're not horrible or anything but...don't they have long political scenes and shoddy writing?"

"Okay, first of all, those political scenes only last a few minutes at most and aren't even that plentiful to begin with," I started, feeling like I was back home getting into a debate with an online troll. "Second of all, say what you will about the dialogue, but you can't deny those movies helped expand the lore and world-building of the series going forward. Plus, there have battle droids. Need I say more?"

Aqua merely grumbled, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat with a pouty expression. But then her expression brightened up as she snapped her fingers. "Actually, you know what? This is good, we can settle this: Darkness and Megumin have no idea what Star Wars is, so they're the perfect judges to see how it holds up!"

"'Star Wars'?" Megumin parroted, a noticeable glint in her crimson-red eyes. "With a grandiose title like that, I can't help but envision a great, cosmic war between celestial horrors among the stars in the night sky! Color me intrigued…"

Aqua and I looked at each other in mutual amusement, our previous spat all but forgotten over poor, young Megumin's ignorance. She had much to learn about Star Wars, but that was to be expected given the fact that movies alone were a foreign concept in this world.

"I agree, these 'Star Wars' sound like such an extraordinary concept," Darkness added with an interested smile. "Given the level of human advancement you've shared with us from your world, I can only imagine how your people's perception of the heavens differs from ours."

"Yeah, well, you guys are definitely in for a treat," I assured them, though I suspected there was going to be a lot of explaining on my end. "Just...try go into it with an open mind, alright? Suspend your disbelief for the feature presentation."

With enthusiastic nods and thumbs-up from each of them, I beamed in anticipation. Not only was I about to show my first ever friends something near and dear to me, but I was also about to be that guy who introduces Star Wars to people who've never seen it before! That's like two milestones for the price of one!

Plus, this was a great opportunity to flex my Wookieepedia knowledge on them. Bonus!

Suddenly, my eyes wandered to certain green clad adventurer and his partner tuning into our conversation, sitting at a table nearby. Normally I'd brush them off but…in the spirit of sharing nerd culture with a fellow nerd, I considered making an exception.

"Lemme guess, you overheard us name-dropping Star Wars and that got the geek boner rising, didn't it?" I asked smugly, holding in a snort when I saw Yunyun go beet-red and heard Darkness fail to lecture me on being inappropriate while sputtering. "And here I thought you were above such Western masterpieces when you shot down my idea for tripping up the Destroyer like an AT-AT."

"I never said that. I just didn't think a sci-fi movie was a valid frame of reference for fighting a real-life mecha," Kazuma remarked, cracking a small smile as he leaned back in his seat. "And for your information, I like Star Wars as much as the next guy. Personal favorite is Empire Strikes Back, as vanilla as that is."

"It's Revenge of the Sith for me with Empire as a close second," I explained without missing a beat, smirking once we found ourselves in an easy conversation over mutual interests. "Also, funny how your favorite is Empire when that's the very film I got my first idea from. To quote Sheev Palpatine, 'Ironic…'."

"His given name was 'Sheev'? Seriously?" Kazuma balked, making me realize he probably wasn't a hardcore, ultra-lore heavy fan like I was. "The guy who killed all the Jedi in an proxy war, pulled all the strings from the shadows...and his name was Sheev."

"Tell me about it," I said with a slight chuckle. "But his name is far from the weirdest out there. You know that random guy who tried to sell Obi-Wan drugs at the beginning of Attack of the Clones?"

"Fucking, what?"

"His name is literally 'Elan Sleazebaggano'," I revealed, grinning stupidly when I watched Kazuma's already shocked expression morph into the pure embodiment of disbelief. "I'm tellin' ya, man, Star Wars names make Crimson Demon names sound almost normal."

"Oi, you got something to say about my people's names?" Megumin interjected, socking me in the arm and glaring at me with mostly joking anger...I hope.

She then pointed at Kazuma and mimicked the punching motion. "And that goes double for you if you ever say as much about Yunyun!"

It was then that her self-proclaimed rival abruptly gasped and slowly put her hands over her chest. "M-Megumin…! You really do care…"

"Don't let it go to your head or - gods forbid - your breasts!" Megumin sternly and weirdly insisted. "I'm only defending you for the sake of our clan's integrity."

"That would imply we had integrity to begin with though..." Yunyun said to herself after turning away and shyly playing with her tie.

Kazuma cleared his throat and said, "Anyway, if what you're saying is true and you actually managed to smuggle some movies from Earth…well, uh, heh, fuck – this is kind of awkward, isn't it? Uh…think you could maybe invite me over for a movie night?"

"I can arrange that," I answered before holding up a hand and rubbing my fingers together expectantly. "For a small fee of course~"

For a full second, an irritated look crossed Kazuma's face. But just as quickly as it appeared, he rolled his eyes and nodded with arms crossed. "Alright, alright. All about that 'evil hustle', I see. How much were you thinking?"

I hummed in deep thought as I glanced up at the ceiling and scratched my chin. "Well, seeing as how the Guild denied us our rightful reward for clearing the lake of alligators…I'm thinking 300,000 eris."

This time, the irritated look remained as Kazuma grit his teeth and looked at me with a much less patient expression. After a few seconds, he sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That's a lot of money for a single movie, Goggles..."

"Yeah, well, look at it from my perspective. We're still up to our eyeballs in debt, we've been running into some bad luck with these recent quests, and…well, this was kind of supposed to be like a team bonding thing, y'know? Besides, I'm not forcing you to do anything, Green Bean. The question is: how badly do you wanna see Star Wars again?"

"...you are a terribly persuasive man when you want to be, anyone ever tell you that?"

"I do have my moments!"

Grumbling, Kazuma retrieved a small pouch from his belt and plopped it down onto my table, raising his eyebrows as he did so. "This covers Yunyun too, right? Figured I'd bring her along."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure, whatever," I mumbled half-heartedly while stashing away the booty. Turning to face the girls, my enthusiasm returned as I said, "If you wanna save room for popcorn, I'd suggest you'd stop eating and start heading out! It's movie night, bitches!"

"HEY!" They all cried out, apparently not too thrilled at being called that, even as a joke.

"Heh, heh…sorry," I apologized with raised hands.

Half an hour later, the six of us had gathered in the lab with our respective snacks (Megumin was allowed a very strict supply), and sat down to watch the beginning of one of the greatest film sagas of all time. To be completely honest? It was one of the best nights I ever had!

We dragged the replacement couch we bought down so the girls and I could get the best seats in the house. When I gave our guests the option between my computer chair and the ratty mattress I kept in storage, Kazuma unsurprisingly let Yunyun have the chair while he put up with the mattress.

Thankfully, I was able to put an end to his grumbling when I passed him my magic 3D snack printer, which he was naturally left amazed by.

As a final touch, I activated the custom-coded subtitle program so everyone could follow along (given how the majority didn't speak English). Confident that would do the trick, I set everything else up before joining the others on the couch and kicking back.

Given how awkward it was for the program to provide subtitles to the opening crawl, I volunteered to read it aloud for everybody in a deep, theatrical narrator voice which netted me a few chuckles. Of course, seeing as how this was a Star Wars movie, nearly all the JackBots crowded behind us to watch, ready to cheer for the battle droids whenever they made an appearance.

As an important aside, robot violence in media has always been something of an awkward subject for me and my boys. Don't worry, I've long since reassured them that I would always be on Team Automaton in spirit. Besides, most of the JackBots have come to accept that it was no different than humans watching horror movies involving their kind getting butchered and slaughtered. Not a big deal, y'know?

Back to the recap, one of the few downsides of watching movies with newbies from a different world was that, at certain points, they'd get confused. Every so often, I'd have to pause the movie, do some explaining (be it a scientific concept or a scene and its significance in the broad story), and resume once everyone was on the same foot. While somewhat annoying, I did take great pride in wowing them with my Star Wars trivia. Even Kazuma seemed somewhat impressed as I taught him some Expanded Universe facts he didn't know about.

Unsurprisingly, Megumin was glued to nearly all the action scenes, most notably the ones that had explosions in them. Though she remained adamant that hers were still superior even if she had yet to blow up a Droid Control Ship.

Likewise, Darkness found herself transfixed to the screen. While obviously projecting herself onto Jar Jar Binks, the village idiot that got on the characters' nerves, she was also quite attentive during the political scenes. I'd catch her sitting up straight and nodding along to "Queen Amidala" as she tried to convince the Galactic Senate to pull their heads out of their asses and help stop an illegal trade blockade. Figures a noblewoman like her could relate to political drama, even one with literal aliens.

Naturally, my boys were all riled up during the climactic battle between the droids and the Gungans, cheering on their metal brethren as expected. Likewise, my fist pump when Darth Maul killed Qui-Gon did not go unnoticed. Yunyun and Kazuma sparing me some particularly mortified looks. Gotta root for the evil home team, y'know?

"He becomes a Force ghost later...sorta. Don't be a buncha babies," I remembered saying to them as I leaned back and took a self-satisfying sip of cola.

"You worry me sometimes, Goggles…" Green Bean muttered, before tilting his head and correcting himself. "Actually, scratch that. You worry me often."

"Good. That means a villainous job well done on my end~"

Alas, the moment came when Darth Maul was cut in half by Obi-Wan, and Anakin destroyed the Droid Control Ship, signaling the defeat of the Trade Federation. Lame. But knowing how the Prequel Trilogy ends, the "happy ending" here didn't really bother me all too much. If anything, I was smirking in amusement when Megumin, Darkness, and Yunyun clapped when the final festival scene transitioned to the end credits. That alone made the good guys winning slightly less painful for me to deal with.

Of course, since they'd both already seen the complete saga, Kazuma and Aqua both glanced at me with knowing eyes, actually getting a laugh out of me in the process. They knew me too well.

"Well, now that the culture shock has worn off, what are you girls' thoughts?" I asked expectedly while allowing the credits to play on low volume. I already had a rough idea on what each of them thought about it, but I wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth regardless.

"That was freaking AWESOME!" Megumin shouted, only having a mild sugar rush from the limited amount of snacks we allowed her. "Those battles, the Podracing, the lightsaber fight! So COOL!"

"I have to agree, that was truly something else, Jack," Darkness supplied calmly but with an impressed smile all the same. "Even putting aside how it was like watching an elaborate theatre play through a magic mirror, the story, characters, and literal WORLDS were unlike anything I've ever seen or read! I was also quite intrigued with the world-building affected by the Senate's red tape. Father and I have dealt with many corrupt nobles ourselves, so I truly felt for the queen of Naboo and her plight."

"Eh, she should've just punched those stuffy politicians like Potemkin did in Punchin' Potemkin Brawls to Victory!" Megumin adamantly declared while shadowboxing. I turned to Darkness with a confused look.

"It's a popular play," She answered simply. Might have to check out for myself given the colorful description...

"The music was absolutely phenomenal, I've never heard anything like it before!" Yunyun gushed, having loosened up more than usual while watching the movie. "And the story no less! There was so much depth in the surrounding world, so much left to explore still!"

I glanced smugly over at Aqua. "I believe our judges have spoken: The Phantom Menace is a hit, politics and all! You can get to work on that carefully crafted apology now."

"Ah-ah-ah! Not so fast! I still have one card left to play!" Aqua declared pridefully, turning to Kazuma and batting her eyelashes. "Sooooo, Kaz. What were your thoughts on the movie~?"

"While I thought some of the performances were a little stiff and the dialogue could use a touch up, I still think it was just as good as I remembered!" The Japanese expressed without missing a beat. "It's not perfect, but it is only one piece of an overarching narrative with its own self-contained story. So yeah, I liked it. Never imagined myself watching Star Wars in a fantasy world though. I'd be complaining about the clash in genres if I wasn't enjoying myself right now!"

I turned back to the gaping Aqua with a shit-eating grin. "As I was saying, I'd like to have that well-worded apology letter on my desk by tomorrow morning, if you'd please~"

Aqua huffed and crossed her arms, leaning back into her side of the couch while pouting. "Fine, you win this time. But I still think the Original Trilogy is better."

"Maybe so, but the Prequels have the most droids in them. So they're the best in our book!" said one of the JackBots, resulting in cacophony of confirmatory beeps and boops amongst the crowd. Another valid point as always.

"Alright, I get it! There are more droids in the Prequels. Can't argue with that," Aqua relinquished, a small smile growing on her face as she leaned forward. "But can we at least talk about the little pet peeves people have about these movies? Like the whole thing between Padmé and Anakin?"

"Hmmm…I would, but that might be getting too deep into spoiler territory with these two here," I said, jabbing a thumb over at Darkness and Megumin before turning to address them. "And judging by your glowing reviews, I trust you're down for knocking out the rest of the saga? Yunyun's welcome to join in if she wants…oh, and Green Bean too I guess."

"Glad to be included as always…" Kazuma deadpanned, though his smile was quick to return. "But yeah, we got nothing planned for tomorrow. Care to do the honors, Goggles?"

With a snap of my fingers, one of the bots excitedly hovered over to the computer I had hooked up to the widescreen, setting up Episodes II – VI for us to binge the whole night through.

It suddenly dawned on me as I remembered how my original plans for a movie night marathon went bust shortly before I died and got reincarnated. So, in a way, it was like things had finally come full circle, except now I had three stupidly awesome girls to add to my evil robot family…and Kazuma and Yunyun were there, which I didn't totally mind even if we didn't exactly consider each other friends.

…I wonder how Dust and his gang would feel about joining in on movie nights…

And that about wraps up the important stuff from this week! Working on downloading a few more movies for the future, get together or not. Already up to 20%, so that's good! Should only be another week or so till that's finished up.

Sadly, it seems no matter what adjustments or magical augmentations I make to my multidimensional network router, there's just no getting around that pesky time flow difference. Downloading anything from my old computer takes longer than dial-up, so it's just something I've come to begrudgingly accept. Not only that, but it's a one-way street too; can't send messages to YesBot or any of the other Earth-homeboys; only steal files and junk. I'll find a way to get in contact with them someday, just you wait…

For a nice closing statement, I'm finally making headway on some of the more specialized bots. They'll help me get payback on Princess Iris soon enough. Nobody makes Jack Spicer pay a debt the size of a country and gets away with it! My boys should be intimidating enough to scare the bejeezus out of the kid. They usually are.

Well, that's all I got for now. Jack Spicer, Evil Teen Genius (and future Neo Devil King), signing off!