God, I forgot how much I hate dressing up for stuff.

I don't care if my relatives think I look handsome in a suit, it's just not for me. And without my evil eyeliner, HeliBot, or goggles on, I felt naked ironically enough. Not only that, but as I took a break from fiddling with the stupid tie to stare at my cleaned up face (feisty red hair combed back leaving my widow's peak on full display), I kinda looked like…

…"Good" Jack.

I barely staved off a shudder at the thought, shaking my head lightly so as not to mess up my hair. Good Jack somehow managed to leave a worse taste in people's mouths than the 'whole' version of me, which was several different kinds of irritating.

Although, I did chuckle to myself when I imagined what'd it be like for the girls to have to put up with Good Jack. I bet five minutes alone in a room with him would be enough to convince them to turn evil for my sake. I know I would…wait, does that make sense? Eh, doesn't matter.

Anyway, if there was one upside I would gladly focus on, it was that I was unlikely to ever have to deal with that dweeb again, even if he is technically a part of me…ugh, sometimes magic makes things way too damn confusing!

Speaking of confusing – THIS SHITTY CLIP-ON TIE!

I was having an embarrassingly difficult time getting the stupid, glorified noose on. To avoid having to go to one of the girls for help (which I somehow doubt would get me very far anyway), I yielded and summoned a JackBot to come do it for me. My boys wouldn't hold it against me, they're cool like that.

Soon enough, JB-CUPC4K3 whizzed into the room and helped me finish the tie properly. He even offered to walk me through it manually another time or two so I could learn it properly, but I declined for the time being. While practice may be good for the future…nah, I live with reckless abandon, who needs ties?

"Thanks for the offer, Cupcake, but hopefully this will be the last time I need to wear these stupid things," I said as I slipped on some dress shoes before meeting up with the others down in the living room. "In fact, one of the first things I plan to do as ruler of the world is outlaw all ties. That alone makes my drive for evil worth it."

"Sounds like a worthy addition to your evil plan, sir!" CUPC4K3 chirped pleasantly, before zooming off to join his brothers, who were likely making their own preparations for the evening given the fact that the usual patrols for security had already been assigned. Hopefully, they'll do a better job than last week.

As I walked down the halls to make my way to the living room, my mind kept dwelling on the scary what-ifs regarding the secret plan I had in store for the dinner party. I'll admit, part of it relies on chance, but part of it also relies on my ability to keep my cool. So long as I don't crack from the pressure, crank up the old Jack charm, and sprinkle in a healthy dose of half-truths, Iris and her flock of nobles should fall for my words hook, line, and sinker.

After all, heirs to economic empires and hoity-toity royalty were pretty much the same thing anyway.

By the time I made it down to the living, I found the girls all dolled up and apparently waiting on me instead of the other way around. Aqua was wearing what I presumed to be one of Dark's dresses, mostly white but with some gold trimmings. Megumin was wearing a simple black dress and was without her trademark monster hat that I personally dig. As for Darkness herself…

W-well, uh, she had her hair mostly down save for one side being braided and was wearing a plain but classy white dress similar to Aqua's. For the first time since meeting her, I could honestly say that she well and truly looked like a noble (at least on the outside).

Anyway, she seemed to be in the middle of arguing with the squirt by the time I arrived.

"Megumin, I know this is stifling, but you have to understand why I impose these restrictions! It is a no hat event, you clearly aren't comfortable in those heels, and we are most certainly not bringing your portable smoke machine with us!"

"But it was a present from Jack and this is the perfect opportunity for me to bust it out!"

Yeah, so, in the excitement that was the aftermath of the Destroyer, we'd all apparently and inadvertently skipped M-Bomb's b-day, and since her family was too poor to even afford cakes, we threw her a late party to make up for all the lackluster ones she had back home. Obviously, she liked the present I made for her the most.

"Seriously, what's wrong with introducing a little Crimson Demon culture to some stuffy nobles?" Megumin challenged Darkness without backing down. "Lord knows they could use it!"

"I'm with Megumin on this one, Dark. The way you talk about this party makes it sound like it's gonna be super boring!" Aqua whined, drawing out the last word several seconds while pouting like normal. "I know we gotta behave for the fancy folk, but would it really be that bad to liven things up, even just a little bit?"

"Now look, the lady and I both know this party's gonna be a total drag," I started, internally smirking when I made the three of them jump because of my sudden appearance. "And as much as I like smoke machines and a badass entrance theme accompanying me wherever I go, we should probably dial back on the theatrics…at least for now."

"Wow…You actually clean up pretty nicely, Jack," Aqua mused with a bewildered tilt of her head, as if she was still trying to fully make sense of what she was seeing. "I mean, it's freaky and wrong to see you out of your normal get-up, but still…kinda refreshing too."

"Thanks for the backhanded compliment…" I grumbled as I begrudgingly made sure my shirt was tucked in all the way. "Like I said, I was forced to attend a lot of Mom and Dad's business parties, so dressing up like this is unfortunately second nature. Oh, and Megumin? If you think wearing heels sucks, you haven't tried buttoning up a collared shirt. It's hell."

"I mean, we can trade out if you really wanna compare notes," Megumin snarked, shucking off her obnoxious heels and handing them off to Darkness with an eye roll. "I'm pretty sure buttoning up a shirt once is not the same as walking on wobbly stilts for hours at a time."

"No, you don't understand, it's that one stupid button near that neck collar – oh, forget it! If you don't know, then you don't know," I huffed while plopping myself down on the couch, Megumin following soon afterwards. "So, Lala, know when we're supposed to leave? Early I assume?"

"Firstly, don't ever shorten my real name like that, it's somehow worse. Secondly, yes, we'll want to be there sooner rather than later. While your notion of 'fashionably late' was taken under advisement, I'd prefer to leave early just in case, even if we are taking the limo." Darkness replied swiftly, passing Megumin a less strenuous pair of shoes and offering me a polite smile.

"Also…thank you, Jack. Again. For supporting me in this venture. It's nice to have a fellow voice of reason every so often."

"No problem. It's an evil leader's job to take his partners' needs into consideration, especially if it's important to them," I said with a small smile and a wave of the hand. "Man, I tell ya, those villains back home really missed out on something special when they decided to backstab me at every turn. I would've spoiled them, given them some of my lands, even full-blown membership cards eventually! But it's their loss. At least I have you guys."

"I find it both hilarious and troubling that membership cards came after actual plots of lands in terms of value," Megumin muttered, cracking a smile as she slid on her new shoes. "Don't get me wrong, they sound neat and all. I'm just saying, one could provide business opportunities and homes…the other just looks good on your wallet."

I shot the smirking girl a stern look. "I. LIKE. Cards. Okay? They're laminated and customizable. Every evil management worth its salt has to have them."

Plus, I was planning on using my Spicer Industries ID (which I had on me when I died) to really sell the act at the party. But that's neither here nor there.

"Yeah, yeah, they sound like a regular treat. Can't wait for the day you get ours issued," Aqua snorted, before turning to Darkness and cocking her head to the side innocently. "So, you wanna give us one last rundown of how we have to behave at this party of yours?"

With a tired sigh, the noble looked to all of us as she raised her fingers for each point.

"One: no talks of godhood, anything evil related, and least of all explosions. The guests are going to be especially sensitive to that last topic given the incident at the capital."

Megumin grumbled but otherwise nodded her head in agreement.

"Two: unless told otherwise, you must speak to the nobles with respect and formality. You three may be commoners and this is a special case, but you have to be mindful of your language when mingling with high society."

More grumbles from Megumin along with a now grumbling Aqua. Still, we all nodded our heads.

"Three: basic etiquette…use it. Is everyone clear?"

"Yes, 'mom'. We get it, best behavior," Megumin groaned with another roll of her eyes, crossing her arms and leaning back on the couch with a frustrated huff. "Still think my fog machine would've made for a killer entrance, but whatever…"

"Same. But don't worry, M-Bomb, I'm sure you'll get your chance to use it someday. Better to save for the next Devil King General we hunt down or something," I comforted with a light pat on the shoulder before turning back to Darkness and steeling myself for what I was about to ask of her.

"Hey, so, uh…I was wondering…you think maybe I could bring along a bot or two to act as my bodyguards? You never know when an assassin might strike, right?"

And they're totally not going to be there to further boost my credibility about the Spicer Federation. Nope. Don't be ridiculous.

"I'd prefer if you didn't," Darkness immediately responded, sighing heavily before elaborating. "Most nobles aren't quite as…accustomed to the outside world as I am. Even then, I still find myself occasionally struggling with some basic things."

That was kinda true. There was this one time during dinner where we ran out of salt, and before I could send a JackBot to go out and buy some more, Darkness volunteered because we were all teasing her and she wanted to prove her "usefulness".

She came back an hour later after dinner was already over with an entire wheelbarrow full of salt. Not even in bags, just a small mountain of salt grains out in the open. That was when it hit me that nobles in this world had less common sense than me.

"I respect your robots, Jack, I really do. But I doubt the guests will take kindly to them. Besides, Princess Iris will be hosting the party herself at my house. Security will not be an issue, I promise you this."

Now, given how well I had behaved so far, I was not willing to let this one go so easily. I figured I was owed at least just a little bit of leeway for this event if I wanted to increase the odds of my master plan sailing smoothly. So, with my wit, charm, and professionalism, I attempted to persuade Lalatina Dustiness Ford otherwise.

"But DARKNEEEEEEESS! I made these bots just for the occasion, they'll fit right in! I promise won't make a fuss about anything else the entire night, just let me have this one! Please, please, PLEEEAAASSSEEE!"

"Alright, alright, FINE! You can bring two and no more," Darkness practically announced to the sky, pinching the bridge of her nose and controlling her breathing. She then looked me square in the eye with a damn scary face and hissed, "But you better not whine like that during the party. I am putting my trust in you, I'd advise to not break it."

"Swear on my mom's antique china cabinet. Everything that leaves my mouth for the rest of the night will be nothing short of respectful," I assured the crusader emphatically, which wasn't entirely a lie. If I was really gonna sell my whole federation shtick, I needed to keep myself in line, as frustrating as it would be. "I will not mess this night up. For any of us."

Aqua suddenly hummed very loudly and suspiciously as we all looked at her studying me with squinting eyes. "It's not usually like you to be this reserved, Jack. I'd say you were under a spell or body snatched…but then again, nobody else whines quite like you do!"

"I do not whine!" I whi…argued.

"Oh, cut him some slack, Aqua," Megumin huffed with a roll of her eyes, shaking her head with an expression of mild exasperation. "We all agree it's a little weird that Jack's being mature for a change, but it is literally what Dark asked us to do. There's no spell involved, you'd have to be paranoid to think that…or, y'know, dumb as a box of rocks."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Megumin…" Aqua agreed with her eyes closed and her head nodding. Slowly (in every sense of the word), she stopped nodding and her eyes shot back open as she whipped her head around to glare at the grinning mage. "HEY!"

I didn't bother trying to suppress the snort that escaped me following her late realization, and I could tell the only thing stopping her normal barrage of childish punches was the risk of messing up my outfit and getting yelled at by Darkness. And that was a fate we all were right to be wary of.

"Alright, that's enough light-hearted banter, everyone. We should get going now," Darkness said calmly, gesturing for us to get up off our butts and start moving. "Oh, and Jack? While flying may get us to my house faster, I'd prefer if we simply drive. The limo itself will turn enough heads when it's merely on the ground where cars belong…or so you've told me anyway."

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to pass your recommendation along! Speaking of which…"

I purposefully and dramatically trailed off with a satisfied smirk as we made our way outside, arriving at the waiting limo and accompanying chauffeur.

"Evening, Alexis! All systems go?"

"Engine's revved up, oil and gas are good, we're ready to roll," Alexis said casually as she leaned on the side of the hood waiting on us. After a lengthy discussion regarding what her role in my robot army should be, we eventually settled on the official chauffeur for the flying limo. She wasn't too big on the idea at first, citing how her previous master might've had a weird fetish relating to that, but I was able to convince her that this would all be purely professional. And with that magenta/white uniform and cap on? Yeah, I'd say she was pretty classy alright.

"Did you…make that outfit for her…?" Aqua asked while giving me a look of some kind. I just shrugged.

"Well, yeah, I mean, I made this tuxedo, didn't I? I am capable of making other things besides machines, thank you."

"Fair point. Gotta admit, a clothing fabricator is actually a pretty neat idea!" Megumin chimed in, tilting her head curiously at me. "Do you still have to design the clothes yourself, or is it preset and you just have to swap around colors or something?"

"Eh, a little of both. Usually if I'm making a lot of the same thing, like matching club jackets, I just use the preset function. Otherwise, I like making clothes by hand," I explained with a soft smile before frowning when I noticed an uncomfortable android adjusting her cap with one of her hair tentacles. "Not much of a hat robot I take it?"

"Yeah, my hair makes it a touch uncomfortable, which is a shame. It really does bring the whole look together," Alexis replied with a resigned shrug small smile. Turning her attention squarely to Darkness, she nodded respectfully before asking, "Are we prepared to depart, ma'am? Is there anything else I should know before heading out to the described destination?"

"Yes, I'd like to request that we drive there instead of fly. I don't want to give father or any of the guests too much of a scare," Darkness said pointedly, casting a not so subtle glance over at the approaching KnightBots I called.

Some of my more humanoid creations, these bad boys were made out of the last supply of adamantite I had at the moment. Their color scheme matched the very knight they were loosely inspired by, had stereotypical knight helmets for heads, and their lower torsos were just a simple pair of antigrav devices keeping them afloat.

Excluding the NinjaBots and ChameleonBot, legs were overrated. In fact, speaking of CB, I wonder what he's up to back on Earth…Hmm.

"That can certainly be arranged, ma'am," Alexis replied with a nod, before tapping the limo twice and opening the doors remotely. "Alright, everyone pile in. We should arrive in the next hour or so, if my subroutines are all up to date…which they mostly should be."

"And you doubted my idea of being a chauffeur," I lightly teased as I allowed the girls and KnightBots to get in first. "But look at you! Being all smooth and professional while still retaining some sass! I told you, this position just screams 'you'."

"It's growing on me, I'll admit. Don't push your luck though, 'boss'." Alexis snorted, holding open the door and ushering the girls inside while offering me a wry smile. "Night's still young, and we've got plenty of time to see just how off the rails things can get."

"If Jack knows what is good for him, things will stay perfectly on the rails tonight," I heard Darkness warn from within the lush cabin of the limo.

"Everything will be hunky-dory, I promise~!" I called to the noble before discreetly whispering to Alexis. "Can I count on you to be my last line of defense in case she wants to kill me? There's something I wanna try and do while I'm at the party."

"Oh, I'm afraid I can make no promises. Especially given the various different kinds of things you could try. The odds aren't exactly in your favor," Alexis replied, a sly smile crossing her expression before she threw in her own whisper. "You're gonna have to get better at hiding that, you know. Or toughen up and put it to words."

"Damn, bitch. You're still a sadist down to your mechanical core, ain't ya?"

"Damn straight. You can take the sadist out of the bot, but not the…bot out of the sadist?" Alexis muttered, trailing off with a bemused look. "Huh. Thought that phrase ended differently…humans are weird as hell, you know that?"

"Tell me about…" I agreed with a lighthearted sigh before snapping a finger gun her way and stepping inside the cabin with my friends. "Try not to crash us into a ravine!"

"I'll certainly give it my best," Alexis said with a wink, walking back over to the front of the limo and sitting in the driver's seat. After adjusting her uncomfortable hat one last time, the android cracked a broad smile in the rearview mirror which didn't sit well with me.

"Strap in, kids! This is gonna be one hell of a ride!"

I may not have been much of a religious man, even with the proven existence of gods and Heaven, but I silently prayed to any listening higher power that we'd make it in one piece.

After nearly running over some unhappy townsfolk and even Dust and his party at one point (hope that doesn't put a strain on our new sorta friendship), Alexis slowly started to get the hang of the wheel once we were out on the open plains. In hindsight, it probably would've been beneficial to update her data banks with basic driving instructions before appointing her as chauffeur…Oh well! Live and learn, am I right?

Luckily, Alexis really seemed to get the hang of things the longer the drive went on, seemingly gathering experience with every mile she drove. Either that was her natural processors doing their work, or her adapted programming was helping her catch on to new things faster. She certainly developed a proper personality quickly, all things considered. Still, there'd be a proper time to ponder such things. For now, though, it was time to get my game face on. For real this time.

Faster than any outdated carriage, we pulled up on the road leading to our destination in record time. I looked out the window and let out a whistle, prompting Megumin and Aqua to scooch up and see for themselves.

Darkness' "house" was less of a house and more of a MEGA-mansion. Should've been expected, granted, but I seriously underestimated how big the place would be in my head. Spicer mansion I and II put together wouldn't cover the acres this mansion takes up. And here I thought I was the one living in the lap of luxury!

"Dang, Dark," I uttered without taking my eyes off the massive estate. "I gotta say, your crib really rocks!"

Darkness turned to me, blinked, and said, "What are you talking about? Father threw out my old baby crib ages ago."

…

It took an uncomfortable amount of time and blank stares from everyone in the car for Darkness to slowly figure things out. "…o-oh – OH! You must've been referring to my father's estate, weren't you? Ah, yes, that makes much more sense."

Pfft, nobles. They know slang just about as well as Omi.

"Well, at any rate, thank you I suppose. I cannot say that the word 'rocks' has ever been used to describe it, but it is a rather lovely place, isn't it? Truthfully, I always found it stifling and restrictive when I was younger. But perhaps absence does makes the heart grow fonder…"

"My family would kill to live in a place like this…" Megumin commented ominously, leaving me to wonder if she was just kidding. Then again, these were the same people who start their letters off claiming to be dead, so maybe I shouldn't put it past them.

When the Crimson Demon noticed my staring, she held up her hands in a surrender fashion and amended her statement. "Look, being dirt poor can make people do desperate things sometimes, alright? We'd kill small animals for food, but that's been the extent of our ruthlessness. Still, I left out the detail of me living in a mansion myself from them in my letters for a reason."

"Duly noted. Let's hope your family doesn't come for a surprise visit anytime soon," I muttered as the limo grew closer and closer to the front of the mansion, turning to the other and slapping on a composed smile. "We're just about there. Everyone ready? I got a feeling this is gonna be one heck of a shindig as a certain hick from my past life would say."

Darkness rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers and restrained a non-orgasmic groan. "I have a bad feeling about this…"

"Nice Star Wars reference!" Aqua chirped without batting an eye. Should be calling her clueless instead of useless now.

"Alright, kids, looks like we're here," Alexis remarked as we finally came to a stop, glancing back at us with an ever-so-slightly concerned expression. "I'd recommend making a damn good first impression. The guards look less than thrilled with our arrival, and I can't tell if it's 'cause of the timing or the fact that they've never seen a car before."

"I'm gonna say it's a little bit of both. Still, just smile and look pretty as you're opening the doors for us and we'll take care of the rest," I said as she parked the limo right outside the steps of the mansion, a small band of servants and guards waiting for us. "KnightBots, look alive. We got snobs to impress."

On the flip of a dime, the bots deployed and hovered into position outside the limo, making the nearby guards stiffen ever so slightly. Thankfully, none of them moved to engage (not that they would've won of course). After that, the girls and I stepped out to greet the servants properly, with one of the closest ones, a young man clad in attire similar to what Hagan wore the other day, stepping up to Darkness in particular.

"Welcome home, Lady Dustiness. It is an honor to have you grace us with your elegance once again," he said in a hammy and clearly rehearsed fashion. "Shall we escort you and your…associates to meet with your father? The good master may have a slight fever but I am positive seeing his lovely daughter again will make him feel right as rain!"

"I am certainly happy to be back, Pierce. I would appreciate the escort, thank you," Darkness replied in a similarly rehearsed and composed tone, one I imagine she'd formed over years of natural exposure to an environment like this. I never ended up picking that habit up myself, thank god. Evil or no, the hollow platitudes always kinda bugged me.

With a nod, Pierce along with the other servants and guards moved into position and opened the ornate double doors for us, allowing us to get a glimpse into the main foyer…

Well, so much for the previous prospect of updating these things in a timely manner. Oh well, better to slow and methodical than to rush something out without combing through it with the editing brush.

So yeah, this was originally supposed to be the second half of the last chapter. See why I felt it was better to just cut it into two separate chapters? I think I ultimately made the right call on that, even if this one took and embarrassingly long time to upload. But, y'know, slow and steady or something like that.

Which is why it makes me kinda guilty for saying this, but from here on out, it might take a little while longer to put out the next couple of chapters. However, I promise there's a good reason for it! See, I've been putting off finishing up the Konosuba novels and spinoffs even though I believe they'll be crucial for constructing a more clearer and confident path for my story going forward. It's just that there are certain...issues I have with novels. More specifically, the way they handled a certain favorite crusader of mine. There's also my shortening attention span as a growing adult but that's neither here nor there. Plus, I feel it's prudent to catch up on the Dust spinoff since not only has it admittedly been a while since he's done anything else in this fic (aside from the cameo in this chapter where him nearly getting run over is an ironic footnote), but his connection to dragons COULD be important for OBVIOUS reasons. And I suppose reading the Megumin spinoff wouldn't hurt too.

Speaking of which, SEASON 3 (+ NEW SPINOFF SHOW) FINALLY CONFIRMED, GUYS! It's a good time to be a Konosuba fan! Now if only Half-Life could get this same treatment...