By the time we made back down to the main foyer, the guests who were previously mingling with each other were nowhere to be seen. Muffled orchestral music could be heard coming from somewhere within the mansion, most likely the dining room.

"Well, sounds like things are in full swing down here," I muttered, glancing around and straightening my tie slightly before turning to the girls. "We're in the home stretch now, ladies. Finish up dinner, suffer through the dull pleasantries, bada-bing-bada-boom, we're outta here."

"As long as they serve bubbly, which they no doubt will, I think I'll be able to pull through!" Aqua said with a cheer, pumping her fist in the air for added emphasis. When Darkness shot her a clear warning glare, though, she dialed it back.

"Do try to restrain yourself, all of you. Jack is quite right," Darkness huffed, straightening out her own appearance once more as she addressed us all with an understandingly worried look. "We're almost finished here. After dinner, we can make a respectful and courteous withdrawal from the festivities."

"Good. Other than getting to hear your embarrassing childhood stories, this has been pretty boring so far," Megumin grumbled while pulling at her dress and grimacing at it. "And Crimson Demons wouldn't be caught dead in clothes this uninspired. I'm probably gonna blow it into the next ether after this is done. Just to relieve stress."

"Let me know when so I can throw this stupid clip-on tie onto the pile – !" I muttered before slapping a hand to my mouth after letting that little secret slip.

"Weakness," Megumin declared simply while slowly shaking her head in clear disapproval of my inability to put a stupid cloth around my neck.

"…These suit nooses are tricky, okay!?"

"Dude…c'mon," She sighed after a moment. "If you really needed help, you could've just asked. Putting on ties is like second nature to me thanks to the academy's dress code."

Aqua, meanwhile, was failing to hold in a tidal wave of condescending laughter.

"Pffft – HAHAHA! Oh, why am I not surprised? I bet you had to invent a 'TieBot' or something just to help you clip it on! What's next, labeling the front and back of your underwear? Fufufufu!"

Note to self: NEVER let Aqua know I used to do exactly that. It'll be the end of my evil career for sure.

"Do tell, Aqua, can you tie a tie?" Darkness interjected calmly, though a mischievous flash did pass her eyes off the immediate reaction for the goddess, who stopped laughing and instantly looked panicked. "I just ask since it's clearly something you must be well versed in if you've decided to contribute to the conversation."

"W-well, I, uh…" Aqua started but trailed off quickly. Soon her face turned beet-red and she pointed an accusatory finger at the cheeky crusader, dodging the question entirely. "What about you, huh!? Do you know how to tie a tie? Ms. La-la-ti-na?"

"That's beside the point and you know it," Darkness chided patiently, surprisingly not falling for the bait of the name she detested so. "If you can't fare any better than Jack at something, you really shouldn't attempt to stoke the fires of conflict for fun, should you?"

"I can't believe I'm the only one in this party who knows how to dress herself…" Megumin uttered with her eyes closed and her the bridge of her nose pinched. "Even Yunyun isn't this hopeless. Just what am I going to do with you all?"

"Clearly, teach us how to put on a tie," I snarked instantly, throwing my hands up in the air. "So far, it seems you're the only one here who actually possess that skill, even if it is a pointless one…"

"Hmmm…nah. I kinda like the powerplay of holding something over you all," Smugumin responded with that shit-eating grin of hers. Ah whatever, I was going to ban all ties after I became ruler anyway. Who needs those stupid things anyhow…

"Enjoy it while it lasts, half-pint. Evil knows you needed a one up anyhow."

As soon as I registered the grimaces on Dark and Aqua's faces, along with the frightening silence that had overtaken our mage, I knew I was gonna pay for that remark later down the road.

"S-so, uuhh…what exactly should we expect from the dinner portion of this party, Darkness?"

The noble sighed tiredly, "Quite a few things. Being the hostess of this event, the princess and her closest associates will have total agency over the party. As such, I would recommend not speaking out of turn and try to keep to yourself unless Iris wishes to engage in conversation. Should that happen, she will likely converse with either you, Aqua, or Megumin through her retainer Claire, the woman in the white suit. Traditionally, royals aren't normally supposed to speak directly to commoners unless it is an emergency. And seeing as how this is…you she's dealing with here, her reputation could be on the line."

I nodded, recalling bits and pieces from my parent's dinner parties back home. Luckily, my plan was more than adaptable to these conditions. "So in layman's terms, speak when spoken to and keep things polite. Got it."

"Oh! I know just the thing to get us on the princess' good side!" Aqua chirped, somehow producing a blank canvas, an assortment of paint supplies, and even a goddamn easel out of thin air. "I, the Magnificent Aqua, will capture Iris' childhood innocence and overall adorableness in a lovely portrait! Free of charge~"

"Ah – Aqua! While I appreciate the sentiment, I would prefer not to test our luck quite so soon!" Darkness hastily interjected, looking panicked at the prospect of Aqua's artistic abilities being put on display, which was fair. "Mayhap another time, when things are far less…tense."

Aqua pouted childishly but relented and put her art supplies away…somewhere. I know I already invented the hammerspace snack module for YesBot, but seriously, there are some things in the multiverse that will forever remain a mystery.

"Okay, enough lollygagging everyone. We got a snob fest to attend to. Lady Dustiness, if you would be so kind as to lead the way?" I gestured in an over-dramatic and joking way. Had to take the piss out of all this formality garbage at some point.

With a slightly amused eye roll, Darkness moved forward with a pouting Aqua closely in tow. Before I moved to follow them, however, I fell in line beside Megumin and spared her a slightly nervous look.

"You're, uh…you're not still mad about that size comment, right?"

Silently, Megumin slowly turned to look at me with an unreadable face, making my armpits sweat out of nervousness. Then, after what felt like another lifetime, she left me with an ominous message before catching up with the others.

"You know…there comes a day in a man's life when something very unpleasant happens to him…"

…

I see a little bit of Megan in that monster sometimes and I don't like it.

As we quickly moved to join Darkness and Aqua in the dining room, the party was already in full swing. Most of the nobles were seated at the ridiculously long dining table as butlers swooped in to serve them their drinks and appetizers from the kitchen nearby. A small orchestra was tucked away in a corner of the room, serenading the guests with music as they ate and chatted with one another. Her "Royal Hostess" was naturally seated at one of the far ends of the table with those two lady bodyguards of hers standing close by.

In fact…a lot of the nobles brought guards in with them as well. Some stood at attention behind their masters while others kinda had to lean back against the walls to not get in the way of the busy servants. Seems the KnightBots would fit in after all!

So far there was no sight of that dirtbag, Alderp, or his annoyingly handsome son. Must still be searching for the bathroom upstairs. As for everyone else already here, they seemed pretty absorbed in their own conversations to pay us much mind save for the odd glance.

"Since father won't be attending due to his current aliment, I shall take his seat at this end of the table to represent our House," Darkness tactically whispered to us as one of the servants pulled the head chair out for her. "As you are my party members, you will be allowed to sit close to me on the sides. Just let me handle the diplomacy and…oh gods – where is Aqua!?"

Subdued dread instantaneously overwhelmed the three of us as we frantically glanced around the room for the idiot. She really was a lot like a toddler: just as inattentive and just as intelligent!

We did eventually spot her though…in the one place she was never meant to go! Which just so happened to be halfway across the room within direct eyesight of Iris, doodling away on her little easel. How'd she manage to sneak away from us anyway!? Usually you'd hear her coming from a mile away, crying and/or screaming!

The only thing keeping us from having a collective heart attack was how nobody seemed to be in a hurry to stop her from doing her thing. If anything, Iris and those near her were content to watch her go, probably out of morbid curiosity I'd wager. As quickly as she started, she was done and presented her work.

"To commemorate you inviting us to this dinner party, dear princess, I present you with this: a photorealistic self-portrait of yourself!" Aqua proclaimed proudly as everyone (even the princess' on-edge bodyguards) stared in awe. "I even glued a grain of rice to the lips to match the one hanging off of yours perfectly. For accuracy~!"

"Oh for the love of…" I muttered to myself, resisting both the urge to violently face palm and march over there to shake some sense into that sad sack of goddess.

Surprisingly, however, the Royal Tyke seemed fairly amused by the portrait, while still wiping her mouth of course. Her bodyguard was noticeably less amused, but it didn't seem like hope was lost quite yet.

Iris whispered something to the irate woman in the white suit, Claire based on Darkness' account, and afterwards she relayed the kid's words to Aqua.

"To create such a masterpiece in such a short amount of time…! Amazing, simply amazing! A reward for you…the princess said."

After that stiff performance, Claire reached into her pockets and handed Aqua a rather expensive-looking jewel. Unfazed as to why the woman even had jewels in her pockets to begin with (or the unsubtle sneer on her face when she handed one over), Aqua graciously took it and handed off her art piece to Iris before curtsying and skipping back to us.

Once we leave, I was gonna take that money rock away from her as compensation for almost ruining everything.

Darkness took a quick deep breath before bowing her head. "My dearest apologies, Your Highness. While my adventuring companions are indeed a good lot, they are still rather…troublesome at times. I promise they shall not disturb the peace of tonight's festivities any further. Should they do, just say the word and I will show them out posthaste."

That eager to throw us out the door, eh Lala?

"It's quite alright, Lalatina-sama. I am familiar with the natural energy that adventurers tend to exude, thanks in part to a certain green-clad rookie," Iris assured the crusader with a warm smile. When she turned her attention to us, however, her tone became noticeably less friendly. "So long as they keep any obscenities to a minimum, I'm sure we'll all get along swimmingly."

I gulped a little at the implications. Honestly, it was making me have second thoughts about posing as a powerful, influential foreign diplomat. I didn't want to think about what would happen if they called my bluff, even if there were sprinkles of truth in it. But I can't let the opportunity to gain some serious clout pass me by! Jack Spicer will become a household name, baby!

"We'll all be on our best behavior, I assure you," Darkness replied easily, politely bowing once more and guiding us over to where we'd be sitting for the evening. I wrestled with my nerves for the next few minutes as the last few guests filed in, including Alderp and his son. Not long after them, Papa Darkness himself entered, looking fairly well for someone with a persistent cold.

True to his word, he only made an appearance just to give a short speech about his gratitude towards Iris choosing his home to host the party before excusing himself back to his room. After he was done, the main entrées started to flow in, steaming hot and smelling pretty damn good actually. I almost didn't realize my mouth was watering until Darkness elbowed me to avoid making a puddle on the table. Aqua and Megumin received similar reminders as well before we began to dig in, high-class style.

Sure enough, dinner lived up to my stomach's expectations. Between the Onion Duck entrée (which had an uncanny resemblance to a certain Pokémon), the Fire Drake flambé (the name of which almost had me thinking they cooked a person), and the surprising amount of soy sauce (another sad reminder of how I'm not the first Earthling to have left an impact in this world), the girls and I ate good. Very, very good…

Although I did catch Aqua flagging down another waiter to refill her wine glass. Was that her second or third glass? Either way, she was making Darkness and I worry. Megumin didn't seem bothered, she was too busy trying to smuggle as many rolls as she could into her purse. That's my evil apprentice~

For the most part, idle conversation continued around the table, with Iris' representatives approaching certain clusters every so often to allow the princess to make conversation in the irritating, high society way. Not to pat myself on the back too hard, but I was fairly patient through the process. I knew conversation would spin 'round to me eventually, and when it did…

"Everyone, your attention please!" Claire suddenly announced after Iris whispered something into her ear. Once all eyes were on her, she continued. "Firstly, Her Highness would like to thank you all for attending this impromptu dinner party on such short notice. She also sends many blessings to those of you who have been discharged early from the capital's hospital. She says in between her studies and training, she has been praying to Eris each and every night for all of you to recover, and will continue to do so until all who were injured during the bombing will come out with a clean bill of health."

I rolled my eyes over that last part. Evil as I may be, I can't say I'm a particular fan of people getting seriously hurt for no reason. Picking on others is more fun if they've wronged me or are deliberately standing in the way of my goals. But if someone had actually been killed in that accident I caused…

Y-yeah, let's not dwell on that any more than we have to. I'd rather not have my dinner come back up on me.

"Secondly, the princess is aware that there are a few attending guests here who may seem…out of place to most of you," Claire continued, sending a quick glare our way as she did. "Rest assured, she has her reasons for inviting them to this event."

As countless eyes swiveled towards us, I once more had to resist the urge to sneer. Well, that was just about the polar opposite of discreet. Sure, it probably would have come up eventually, but come on! Clearly, the princess ain't one for beating around the bush…guess I can respect that much.

"Your Majesty, not that I wish to impose on your judgement, but that Spicer and his band of accomplices are nothing short of terrorists," Alderp interjected, obviously trying to start shit while under the façade of a concerned politician. "While the fine Lady Dustiness has plausible deniability, the same cannot be said for the archpriest or the mage, the latter of whom I've heard is notorious for causing Explosions around the town I preside over. Does that not speak for itself?"

Alright, straight to the meat of the matter, then. I weighed my options heavily. My patience was wearing thin, and if Alderp was going to run his mouth making accusations like that, it's only fair I respond…respectfully, of course.

Ugh, this is why I hate playing the good guy.

"Um, actually sir? My party members had no involvement in the accident that occurred in the capital," I interjected politely, making me want to give myself a wedgie for how well-mannered I sound. "I encouraged a retired adventurer to teleport the Destroyer's unstable core thinking it would detonate harmlessly in a field somewhere. It was all a big misunderstanding, I assure you."

"Hmph, a likely story! Are we supposed to just take you at your word, Spicer?" Alderp retorted swiftly, once more forcing me to clamp down before something more colorful could escape my mouth. "You and your friends have no good reason to be dubbed as trustworthy! Not in my eyes!"

"Alderp, please, control yourself," Iris said calmly but sternly to the fat cripple. "This is precisely the reason why I invited Spicer and his friends in the first place. There have been many rumors and misconceptions going around regarding his 'true intentions' as well as my quality in leadership. Unfortunately, between the assaults on the capital by the Devil King's forces and my regular duties, I haven't had the time to properly debunk these notions. But now I do, and I've even had my retainer bring along some important documents provided by both the Axel Adventurer's Guild and the Royal Prosecutor to help back my case. Rain, would you please begin handing them out?"

Right on cue, another one of her bodyguards, "Rain", stepped forward with a large stack of papers and manuscripts. Sheesh, guess the princess really didn't slouch when it came to developing a proper defense…damn it, I don't want to feel grateful!

"In my hands, I carry eyewitness reports of the adventurers present onboard the Mobile Fortress Destroyer when it was downed, the personal testimony of the individual who initially proposed the idea to teleport the core, and even the confirmed kills of various high-risk monsters that Spicer and his party have slain in order to pay for the reconstruction efforts," Rain stated elegantly as she went around passing copies of the paperwork for the other nobles to look over. This really was turning into one of my parents' business parties…

More or less all of the nobles present took a moment to flip through and examine each of the documents they received from Rain. A lot of muttering was heard, especially from the older farts who just love to mutter at anything really.

My team and I quietly glanced at each other wondering if all this legal work was going to be enough to get these snobs to believe me already. Or at least shut up about it. Really, they should be thankful I didn't k- -

Uh, ANYWAY! Alderp predictably grunted like the Neanderthal he was and plopped his copies on the table in a dismissive manner.

"Your Highness, while the evidence you've provided is certainly…enlightening, it hardly changes the simple fact that Spicer and his party were still involved in one of the worst disasters that this kingdom has ever faced," He insisted in a far more 'respectful' tone, turning and leering in my direction once more. "While I will readily admit that the accused party has not gotten off without proper retribution, it is my belief that they were let off with a frighteningly withdrawn warning, given the intensity of the associated incident."

"We did the best that we could, alright!?" Megumin suddenly shouted, slamming her hands on the table as she glowered at Alderp with that infamous crimson stare. Darkness looked to be too locked up in disbelief at the girl to try and settle her down. "We had very limited options to work with and not doing anything about the core would've guaranteed death anyway! Jack was forced to make a hard call but his reasoning was sound. He just ran into some major bad luck when it teleported where it did. Now quit accusing us of being terrorists or I'll BLOW YOU UP already!"

Instantly, the atmosphere of the room shifted. The prissy nobles gawked and gasped, their guards adjusting the grips on their weapons. Even the princess' retainers allowed their free hands to drift idly to their swords in preparation for an attack.

Darkness immediately pulled Megumin back, muttering a harsh warning that didn't quite reach my ears while Aqua snored-yes, snored, because she'd somehow managed to drink herself to sleep-nearby. I stifled a groan and rose to my feet. What happens next was gonna SUCK.

"Alright, I didn't want to have to do this because, quite frankly, it's really embarrassing. But if you want proof that what happened at the capital was nothing more than rotten luck on my part, look no further than my own stats," I sighed in defeat, pulling out the Adventurer Card which will no doubt be a source of entertainment for the rich snobs once they get a load of my miserable stat. I glanced at one of Alderp's guards.

"You wanna show this to him? I assume commoners aren't allowed to casually hand things over to nobles unless it's a gift or something."

The guard glanced at his master, who took his sweet time glaring at me and my friends before finally giving a nod of approval. The guard promptly stepped over and gingerly snatch the card from my hand.

As he did, he seemed to get a sneak peek at it before handing it over. His eyebrows dramatically shot up when he did. Just great…

"…wow…" was literally all Alderp had to say after taking just one look at my luck stat. He then passed my card over to his son without even glancing at his direction, face still in disbelief.

Walter made a similarly incredulous noise himself before he too passed it over to the noble seated next to him. He didn't bother to turn to him either, he was too busy imitating his father.

It became the world's slowest and most humiliating game of hot potato with my card as all the guests got to gawk at my horrendous luck stat, their faces brimming with obvious cringe when they saw just how bad it really was.

Eris, if you're up there watching me right now…fuck you.

"Glad to see the understanding is universal…" I grumbled to myself, snatching my card back from Darkness when it finally circled back around to me and tucking it away in my pocket. "Ahem. So, as you can see, my stats are not even slightly in my favor. As such, the events that occurred regarding the Mobile Destroyer's core were technically still out of my hands."

Silence hung in the air as everyone either gave me a long, hard look or eyed each other in contemplation.

"Must suck to be you, huh?' Leonor said without batting an eye, completely disregarding that supposed tradition about royalty abstaining from talking directly to commoners. Ah, screw it.

"A little bit, yeah."

"Well, as exciting as this interlude has been, I would like to politely request that all guests refrain from further outbursts for the remainder of the evening please," Iris herself spoke up, expression still polite and calm but now holding an inkling of pointed seriousness. "This event is meant to commemorate the progress made to repairs in the capital and reinforce that Mr. Spicer and his friends received their sentence for a reason. They are not criminals, not in the eyes of Belzerg."

"I must say, just calculating the rough cost for repairs makes me pale ever so slightly," Revi commented as he took another passive look at my party's confirmed kills. "Not to say that Elroad wouldn't have been able to provide your kingdom with a loan, but it certainly is asking for a lot of eris. Especially for four plucky adventurers to scrounge up on such short notice."

"I understand your perspective, but I can assure you that the decision was made with the best of intentions. While an accident, events as severe as the ones Mr. Spicer and his party played their hand in must be dealt with accordingly," Iris replied steadfastly, expression and tone neither hardening nor faltering as she spoke. Guess ruling a nation will give you a pretty damn good poker face, even at such a young age.

"And we couldn't be more grateful for your generosity, princess," Darkness said earnestly with her head bowed. "Even if you hadn't sanctioned us to pay for the damages and medical bills, we would've been obligated to do so anyway. What happened was inexcusable, and it wouldn't be right to sit idly by without making up for it. We shan't rest until the debt is paid in full."

I had to discreetly sallow back down the throw up in my mouth. Hero speeches, the absolute worst…but it seemed like enough to placate the room for the time being, so I'd tough it out.

"I do not doubt your words for even a second, Lalatina-sama," Iris said with a warm smile. "After all, I threw this party in celebration of your hard work towards paying off the debt! At the rate your group is going, it should only be a matter of time now. So please, I ask that you enjoy yourself this evening. Your, ah, archpriest certainly seems to be taking that to heart…"

Naturally, I glanced over at Aqua, who was still fast asleep in her seat with a big, dumb smile on her face as she snored. Megumin seemed preoccupied with making sure the sleeping demigod didn't choke to death on her own drool, so I elected to leave her to it.

"P-please excuse this one's rude behavior, Your Highness!" Darkness babbled helplessly. "The poor thing is of low intelligence and has little impulse control when it comes to alcohol being served! Shall I see her out for you?"

"No, no. Leave her to her rest. Better to let sleeping dogs lie, especially when they aren't bothering anyone," Iris assured Darkness with a dismissive wave, a small smile growing on her face as she turned to me and cocked her head to the side. "I assume, given that look on your face, that this is a fairly frequent occurrence within your party?"

"P-princess!?" Claire sputtered in shock. "What do you think you are doing speaking directly to this, this…commoner!? It is one thing for Princess Leonor to be unconcerned with traditions, but you are above his kind!"

"Claire, I understand your concern, but this dinner party is only semi-formal in nature. Besides, we can't afford to have the conversation become too dull, can we?" Iris replied easily, the slightest hint of mischief in her tone which may or may not have struck a chord in me. Maybe she picked up a trait or two in that brief time she hung out with Satou back when. "As I was saying, Mr. Spicer, I'm sure you have quite a few stories from your adventures with your friends."

What's this? The royal squirt wants to hear about Jack Spicer and his Evil Posse's exploits? Well, I may not be able to hype them up with my usual evil bravado, but getting to subtly brag about all the various things we've accomplished was still a pretty sweet deal. Besides, maybe impressing her with a couple of tales will leave her more inclined to believe I come from a very powerful group (which is technically true). This should be fun…

So, for about the next half hour, I divulged some of my team's proudest achievements since assembling together. This included outsmarting M-Guy (who apparently made a name for himself in the noble realm judging from the reactions), messing up Beldia, wrecking Vanir, and hunting down high-level monsters that cropped up in wake of the Destroyer screwing with the ecosystem. Obviously, I left out some of the more embarrassing details and embellished a little here and there, but it was in that moment of recounting our adventures that I realized how far we've come. And that was something special to this up-and-coming evildoer, lemme tell ya.

After a while, however, the conversation started to shift away from the adventures and more towards…me.

"I suppose you could say I was curious about where you came from, since you clearly aren't from around here," Iris explained, once more tilting her head slightly while addressing me. "The fact you didn't recognize me the first time we met was evidence enough, but still. We never did get the chance to properly discuss it."

Okay, Jack, I think this is the big break you've been waiting for! Just play it cool, act natural.

"Huh. Alright, I guess that's a fair enough thing to ask. Sure, I can tell you a little about myself," I started calmly, willing my heartbeat to slow down already. "What would you like to know?"

"Where you hail from would be an appropriate start," Iris said with that same smile that never left her face since I began telling her stories. "I imagine your birthplace must be far out of Belzerg's sphere of influence if you hadn't recognized me, possibly overseas even."

"Uh, yes, I do come from overseas," I sort of confirmed, thinking of a way to answer her questions about my origins in a way that didn't make me sound like a crackpot. "I was born…west of here, in a country you probably haven't heard of: the United States of America. Or the United States or just America for short. Can be abbreviated as either the USA or the US. There's a lotta different ways of saying it now that I think about it…"

"I certainly haven't heard of it before, but if you come from across the seas, I suppose that makes sense," Iris mused, drumming one hand idly on the table as she continued. "Coming to a country so far away from your own, and likely so different…I imagine it was a struggle adjusting?"

"Eh, not really," I countered easily, even smirking a little when the kid blinked in confusion. "Before I came to Belzerg, my family and I moved to this other country called China, and it was vastly different from living in America. Moved there when I was about eight, did a lot of personal traveling in my preteens, then set up shop in this little corner of the globe. Heh, I guess you could say I picked up my parents' habit of always being on the move."

"I see…so rather, instead of being out of your element when you first arrived in our nation, it was just another day in the park for you so to speak," Iris mused, nodding in apparent understanding as she mused, mostly to herself. "Well, all the same, there must have been some things you weren't prepared for after the move over."

"Oh yeah, totally. For one, none of the countries I've been to ever had cabbages that migrate like birds during harvesting season. Where I'm from, veggies aren't normally supposed to be sentient. They're supposed to come quietly and be put on your plate without a fight, not try to run away to parts unknown. So that's definitely a Belzerg exclusive right there."

Shockingly, that was the kick-off for a fresh round of whispers and mutters from the nearest assembled nobles who were still listening in. One of which down the line even sputtered about it being, "Preposterous, completely inconceivable!", which did kinda make me chuckle a bit. Honestly, the fact that they draw the line at veggies…

"Well, I must say Mr. Spicer, I find that to be almost…fantastical in nature," Iris finally said after being the first to recover from that apparent culture shock. "I've never considered the possibility that there could exist vegetables that don't become sentient once they ripen. A possible subspecies perhaps…? Tell me, what other things have you encountered that differ from our lands?"

"Well, the dragons overseas are a little different from the ones around here," I said, noticing how Princess Leonor seemed to perk up off to the side. "The only country that seems to have dragons is China, and even then they're not like the ones in Belzerg. Chinese dragons don't have wings and are more serpentine than anything else. Plus, the few I've had run-ins with can actually talk. Not sure if you guys have talking dragons here or not though…"

Once more, a further building of excited mutters from the assembled crowd. Leonor was very quick to speak up though, almost like an excited schoolgirl even.

"My kingdom's top Dragon Knights have tamed dragons for steads, and so far only one has ever owned one that talks! Oh, you simply MUST tell me more about these unique specimens from your homeland; they sound so foreign and exotic~!"

"N-now hold on!" Claire suddenly shouted, losing some of her composure again. "Doesn't anyone else think what this commoner is spouting sounds a little too farfetched? How can there possibly be vegetables that don't sprout to life and dragons that don't even have wings? And for that matter, the dragons he's encountered have all talked? The stars would have to align for a chance encounter as rare as that, and we've seen his 'luck' stat! So help me Eris, Spicer, if you are lying- -"

"Claire! That is quite enough, thank you! Just because what he is saying sounds otherworldly doesn't automatically make it an outright fabrication!" Iris chastised, making the older woman sulk slightly with a near embarrassed expression. Serves her right. "I believe that Mr. Spicer is being earnest with us. Though I must admit, this land you hail from sounds truly, remarkably alien…"

As tempting as it was to bring up the giant, fire-breathing flying squirrels that took me hostage once, I felt now was the time to get my master plan into action now that everyone's all loosened up. Let's bust out the bad old fashioned Jack charm~

"Yeah, my homeland sure is something else. But that's not even the half of it. What if I told you I wasn't just some traveler but instead the heir to a powerful organization?"

I could practically feel Darkness' gaze snap towards me, in what had to be silent judgment. I did my best not to let her piercing gaze deter me from fishing my wallet out. Surprisingly, the princess didn't seem entirely skeptical off the bat. Though her attendants certainly did, and I guess the silence from the rest told me they weren't too sure either. But thank evil I still had my wallet on me when I died in Hong Kong. Showing off my passport and Spicer Industries ID should help boost my credibility to these glorified desk jockeys.

As I handed them to one of the KnightBots to deliver to Iris, I explained, "See, not only is my family the head of a company so big it spans across America and then some, but we're also something of a…'shadow government' with how influential we are. I trust my identification is in order?"

Claire and Rain got into defensive positions when the KnightBot approached them, no doubt fearful of my evil pride and joy. The twelve-year-old girl was ironically braver than them as she wordlessly called them off and took the IDs from the robot without batting an eye. As she went to examine their contents, her face slowly lit up in surprise.

"I…cannot say I am familiar with this language," She admitted after a few beats, turning over the card and inspecting it further. "Rain, do those lower runes seem familiar to you? They remind me of the ones on the family relics."

Rain studied my Spicer Industries card for the Chinese branch of the company before slowly shaking her head. "They…they do have an uncanny resemblance. I may not be an expert on deciphering the family relics, but I like to think I've studied them enough to at least discern certain patterns within the characters. The patterns in this language don't seem to align one-to-one…"

Knowing what I know about primarily Asian teens getting reincarnated down here with stupidly OP weapons, I figured the Belzerg Royal Family must've gotten their hands on a Japanese kid's old toys. I may want to cross-check that with Aqua and Darkness later (when the latter learns to take a chill pill that is). Still, I better speak up before those nobles start to get wise.

"That one is printed in Chinese while the other is printed in English, the main written and spoken language in America," I explained smoothly. "They're my ID cards to prove that I am in the Spicer family business. Like I said, we're not just stationed in the US, we've also got a division in China. In fact, that's why Mom and Dad wanted us to move there in the first place: so we could live closer to our faction's main headquarters."

That started another quiet rumble of conversation from the guests along the table; skeptical but not nearly as harsh as it had been at the beginning of dinner. Just had to work this a bit longer, really sell my position. I was so close to pulling this off, I could feel it!

"P-pardon me, Your Highness!" Darkness suddenly proclaimed with start, chair skidding behind her as she quickly stood up. "Might we please excuse ourselves from the table for a moment? We need to retire to the, uh…r-restroom?"

That was enough to make everyone present go quiet. They all stared at her, likely setting off one of her fantasies without even knowing it. Iris spoke slowly and carefully.

"Do I dare ask why you would all need to travel together for that…?"

"W-well…naturally, as an adventuring party, we tend to do pretty much everything together. When necessary, that includes bathroom breaks!" Megumin supplied with frightening but not unexpected confidence. What the hell do they think they're doing? "If you'd excuse us just a moment, Your Highness!"

Before I could get a word in edgewise, I was suddenly being whisked away along with a groggy, drunk Aqua who was forcibly woken up from her nap. I managed to bark a quick order to the KnightBots to entertain the guests as Darkness led us far away into an unoccupied hallway. When my wrist was finally freed, I got one thing straight right off the bat.

"Really, Megumin? Together bathroom breaks? You know how much I respect my privacy!"

"What the hell are you doing, Jack," Darkness interjected promptly, her tone and expression unflinchingly stern, and her question to me didn't really sound like a question at all. Just an accusation. "What are you trying to pull now? I know it can't be good, even this early."

"Well of course it's not good. It wouldn't be me if it was," I countered, shrinking ever so slightly when the glare on the big woman's face hardened at my comment. "J-just saying…!"

"This is serious, Jack! This is not the time for games or schemes! Reputations are on the line, ours and yours included!" She snapped, angrier than I was expecting her to be. "Do you have any idea what would happen if you said the wrong thing in there, the risks you're taking?!"

"Y-yes! Yes, I am aware of the risks, okay? I'm aware…" I placated, hands up as I tried to calm things down. "But it's a calculated risk, and one with the potential to give us some preferential treatment if all goes well. I know what I'm doing."

"But I don't!" Darkness stressed. "We don't know what you're doing. So quit stalling and explain yourself. Now."

Glancing from Darkness, to Megumin, to Aqua (who was still registering the fact we were no longer in the dining room), I sighed and yielded.

"Alright, alright, I'll come clean. Was kind of expecting this honestly, but I was really hoping I could put this off till after the party. Soooo…BASICALLY, I had this idea to present myself as a representative of my own evil federation by using my family's company as a springboard of sorts. Y'know, just to build a little bit of rep prior to our takeover?"

There was something about the way Darkness proceeded to leer at me. It wasn't just exasperation or frustration like I'd been so prone to in the past. This was different, raw even. She was downright livid, and before I could get another word in, she steamrolled over me.

The worst part? She didn't even have to yell. Her tone stayed level the entire time. It was only…cold.

"Jack…you are my friend. I trust you, and you mean a lot to me. But I cannot in good conscience allow you to keep doing this. It has to stop. Your absurd notions of 'good' and 'evil', taking over the world and forging an empire- -"

"Federation, technically…" I dared to correct. The way she grit her teeth at me made me regret it quick.

"They are delusions, at absolute best. Allowing them to control your motivations and cloud your judgment will bring us nothing but trouble. You not only put yourself in danger when you do this, but us as well. Do you even realize that?"

My heart was threatening to burst out of my chest with how intense it was beating right now, and the verbal daggers Darkness pierced into it wasn't helping. I barely held myself together from having another panic attack as one of my closest friends was crushing my dreams again. I wanted to cry, scream, and call her out for being a hypocrite for what she was doing to me.

But before something could boil over…a strange calm fell upon me. As painful as her words were to me at that moment, I had to remember that this was still someone who adhered to the Code of Chivalry. Spats like these were bound to come up eventually, and I had to be ready to stand my ground when another wisenheimer who thinks they know me tries to tell me I'm wrong…

Even if said wisenheimer just so happens to be one of my first ever real friends…

I started earnestly, making a conscious effort to level my own tone with Darkness to show I was being just as serious as her.

"Let me just preface this by saying you are also a friend I trust and care deeply about, so thank you for that. You three may annoy me sometimes but I do genuinely think you're all cool. That being said however…you're not gonna stop me from fighting for what I believe. I know I've tried to sway you guys over to my side but I've never outright told you, 'No, stop being a bunch of goody-goodies,' have I? That's because you're my friends, I'm mostly willing to accept you for who you are. But this right here? This telling me what to do? That's where I'm putting my foot down."

"Jack, you don't get to say that! That's not fair in the slightest," Darkness sniped back firmly. "Being 'good' doesn't put us at risk. There is no setback, no harm. It's NORMAL, and the fact you can't seem to grasp that simple fact of life is honestly driving me insane."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Darkness. I really wish my views didn't bug you so much," I sighed while lowering my shoulders but not my guard. "And I understand your concerns, what I'm doing right now is indeed a risky venture. But there's two things you're forgetting here. One is that I'm no stranger to dicey situations. I've literally survived end-of-the-world scenarios, this is nothing in comparison. Two is that the success of this gamble will only result in a net positive for us all in the long run. Can you imagine the special privileges we could get if all these big shot nobles think I'm some kind of foreign diplomat or whatever?"

"Jack, did you ever stop to consider that maybe WE don't want or even care for special privileges?!" Megumin interjected, surprising me as she threw up her arms in evident frustration. "I wouldn't mind a gift horse or two, but lying to nobles is the definition of a bad goddamn idea! What will happen if they call your bluff, or find out you're lying?"

"Then I'll man up for once and take the fall for you guys."

The girls nearly got whiplash from how fast and decisive my response was. Even Aqua, who was still kinda just in her own drunken little world, seemed to sober up slightly when I said that. Before any of them could say anything, I elaborated.

"I'm really banking on this to all work out in the end. But if it doesn't, I'll be the one to take the bullet since this was my plan and not yours. I…fuck, this makes me sound like a softie, but I really do give a shit about you guys. I don't want your lives to potentially get ruined because of me. So, should something happen, I'll take full responsibility."

Just because I can (and to hopefully ease any lingering worries they may have), I gave a playful wink as I added, "Besides, it's like what I said before: I've survived my world almost ending. If I can live to tell those tales, I'm sure I can find a way to weasel out of a political jam all on my own. No problem!"

Both Darkness and Megumin took a moment to look at each other, their faces displaying too many complex emotions for me to count or identify. Aqua tried to join in as well but was still clearly wasted and just ended up flapping the bottom hem of her dress while giggling (she was playing a dangerous game if my suspicions about her going commando were true). Either way, the two looked back to me, their expressions telling me we weren't quite done here just yet. Talk about a tough crowd.

"Just…do whatever you're going to do," Darkness eventually managed to utter. Her tone tired, agitated, and utterly fed up with me and my plotting. "We'll talk about this more back at the mansion, but until then…just do whatever, Jack."

The way she said that last part didn't make me feel great, I'll admit. I have a funny feeling I may have put a strain on our relation…friendship. It's gonna be a long car ride home…

But I'm not just doing this for me; this is for them as well. I really want them to see the beauty in having it all and taking whatever you don't have! So if I pull this off and we get access to royal favors and the like, the girls will get a taste of the high-life and will be craving for more. I just…gotta be patient, that's all.

Patient…yeah, that's it.

"Alright, let's get back to it then," I stated, before starting back for the dining room with my teammates in tow. Aqua ended up having to be steered by Darkness and Megumin to make sure she didn't end up wandering to some random corner of the mansion on our way back to our seats.

By the time we returned to the dining room, we seemed to have walked in on one of the KnightBots delivering the punchline to a joke he was telling. I guess I did order them to "entertain" the guests while we were gone on such short notice.

"And then I said, 'Computer? I hardly know her!'"

Guess the lead up wasn't that good because the joke didn't get much more than a few pity laughs. Though that simply could've been from the confusion over not knowing what a computer even was.

"Apologies for the hold-up, princess. We're back with freshly powdered noses if you catch my meaning," I declared after we sat back down at the table. "Now then…where were we?"

Over the next half hour, I proceeded to play out my plan pretty nicely, if I do say so myself. The story I was running with was that I was an ambassador of the Spicer Federation of China, looking for new nations and business partners alike. As such, I made the pitch of hooking up some of Belzerg's nobles with robot servants and guards, (which would secretly double as bugs for some bad old fashioned blackmail). A few of them seemed intrigued by the notion alone, and even the high and mighty princess herself said she would at the very least 'consider such an offer' when her family had less to deal with. Y'know, what with the reconstruction efforts and the Devil King's constant badgering and all that.

After a few more pleasantries and a soothing score by the hired orchestra, Iris gave everyone permission to leave at their own leisure. My team and I were more than happy to go home early, so we politely bid her a farewell and proceeded to take our leave (along with a few extra rolls and a bottle of wine when no one was looking). The sun was just beginning to set for the evening as we stepped outside and approached the limo. Alexis was chilling in the driver's seat with the window open, listening to some of my tunes on low volume while…smoking a cigarette?

"Don't look at me like that. Aside from the fact that I don't have lungs to ruin, it completes the aesthetic, doesn't it?" She snarked as we got closer, before noticing the…less than enthusiastic expressions on the girls' faces and cocking her head to the side. "Rough night I take it?"

"It was…it was definitely something," I answered with a non-answer, glancing back at the girls before quickly facing Alexis again. "Say, not to change the subject or anything, but where did you even get a cigarette from? I know I didn't make those."

"You can thank my creator for that little feature of mine. It was probably intended for a fetish, but honestly, it's kinda fun to do when you're bored," Alexis explained, before opening the doors and gesturing us all in. "Alright, kids, saddle up. I'll have us home in no time."

And so the girls, KnightBots, and I climbed inside the cabin and buckled up as Alexis drove us home. The air was thick with quiet tension, similar to how it was in my hover jet with Wuya after my final lost Showdown. Aqua was threatening to nod off while Darkness sat across from the rest of us and stared critically with her arms crossed. Finally, a couple minutes into the ride, she broke the silence.

"I am very disappointed in all of you. You did not behave how I wanted you tonight," She started calmly, going down the line as she continued. "Megumin, you cannot threaten to blow up nobles, especially in front of their faces. Aqua, you cannot drink yourself to a stupor, that was bad table manners. And Jack…you know exactly what you did wrong."

I sighed, "I know, I know. I should've run my idea by you first instead of going behind your back. I'm sorry I broke your trust…"

"It's not just the fact you didn't tell us, though I do appreciate that even you recognize it was wrong. It's the fact that you didn't let us know specifically because you knew we wouldn't approve of your plan. You knew we'd protest. So you said nothing."

"Damn. You know you messed up when a masochist of all people is mad at you," Alexis needlessly remarked from the driver's seat, snickering when Darkness shot her a dirty look through the rearview mirror. "Oh, don't give me that look. You know it's true."

"Look, maybe that's true, but you know what? Maybe I was right to keep this from you guys," I retorted, refraining from buckling as Darkness' glare snapped back in my direction. "I mean, you guys barely stopped to consider all the benefits of my plan, even after I promised to take full responsibility! I'm trying my best here, Darkness! It's not my fault you guys don't want to get with the program!"

"Your actions almost got my family into deep trouble once, Spicer! You bet I wasn't going to allow it to happen again had you told me!" Darkness snapped, unfortunately making me flinch from the intensity. "Not only that, but apparently I have to keep reminding you that you also needlessly put yourself in danger by doing the things you do! I may not have the cleanest track record myself, but I at least know when it is time to be an adult. The question is, when will you know that?"

Between the general stress, fake smiles, and nice guy act I was forced to go through during that whole snob fest…yeah, my patience had officially run dry.

"Alright, you know what, how about this?" I immediately shot back, my mouth moving faster than my brain. "How about from now on I keep my cool, awesome, evil genius stuff to myself and you keep your lame, boring, goody-goody-two-shoes shit to yourself? Deal!?"

The silence that followed was utterly deafening. Darkness' expression held firm, but I had gotten good enough at reading people to see the hurt flash in her eyes. Megumin, Alexis, and the KnightBots were all frighteningly quiet in their seats, no quips to be made. As for Aqua, well…she was still off in her drunken world, but even she seemed to sense the rising tensions in the car.

Slowly, Darkness crossed her arms and turned to gaze out one of the windows, her stern poker face still holding strong as she softly spoke.

"I may like pain and insults, but I still have feelings too. Perhaps it would be best if we stay out of each other's way for a while; give us both a chance to decompress..."

"Fine by me," I bit out, mirroring her motion to turn and stare out the window, trying to ignore the way my chest had tightened sharply with her suggestion. She was the one that needed to come to terms with things, not me…

I couldn't recall when Alexis parked us outside our house, nor did I care to. Once the bots and I got out of the car, I numbly told her to park it in the hanger bay while letting everyone else know I was going to lie down in my room. Nobody said anything in protest so I didn't hesitate to speed walk indoors and not look back.

The familiar and unwelcome urge to cry was beginning to stir in my chest, so I made sure to dismiss the worried KnightBots still following me before they could detect the shakiness in my tone. Once I made it to my room, I swiftly locked the door before shuffling to my bed and staring down blankly at my pillow.

I'd won. I pulled off my scheme without a hitch. Things ended in my favor.

…

So why did I feel like absolute shit?

I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.

Says it shouldn't take long to update. Goes two months without updating. I really am sorry, folks, I think I just have to accept the fact that I am terminally slow at editing completed chapters and that life can really bring me down/distract me. But unless I say this fic is going on hiatus, expect a new chapter to come out eventually. I really wish I was more consistent with a schedule, but this is just how it is.

Anyway, as you can see, Jack is once again proving to be his own worst enemy. Will he be able to patch things up with Darkness? How will lying to a princess come back later to bite him in the butt? And will Aqua ever get over her alcoholism? The answer to that last one is a hard no, but tune in next time to find out the first two (eventually)!

Also, this chapter could be subject to minor future edits when I get around to reading the Dust spinoff. So keep that in mind please.