Once things had settled down somewhat, we began to pack for our trip while Wiz recovered on the couch. We gathered the essentials, withdrew some of our leftover money, and gave Alexis the coordinates to "Albania" so she could punch them into the GPS. Vanir was also "kind" enough to drop off some of Wiz's supplies when he dumped her on us. One of these days I'll get back at that immortal bastard, just you wait.

Before the flight, I was giving strict instructions to the GuardBots that didn't get destroyed when I was approached by one of my CameraBots. More specifically, CB-5P131B3R6, aka "Spielberg". Apparently, he still felt bad for that unauthorized blooper reel he made of me getting drunk with the girls and spilling my innermost thoughts. Truthfully, I never really held it against him, especially since it ironically led to a better outcome for us as a team/family. Even so, he insisted that he come along to film our vacation trip as a way to make up for it.

Seeing as how we were already bringing along Wiz, I figured having Spielberg tag along wouldn't hurt. Besides, I have always considered starting an evil vlog like some of the villains I followed on the Heylin forums. And what better time to start than on vacation?

With preparations made, we loaded up into the flying limo in the hanger bay and took off. While the atmosphere inside the cabin was kinda tense given the thing between Darkness and Megumin (not to mention the current standing I was in with the former), Wiz was proving to be a healthy buffer to keep things from getting…more tense.

Case in point, she was currently admiring my vehicle, gazing around the interior and looking out the windows in sheer awe. She was also like this when we brought her down into my lair to load our stuff in the trunk. I may not like her per say, but seeing her admiring my craft made my chest swell up with pride. Maybe having her with us on this trip was a blessing in disguise.

"Goodness, this technology of yours is absolutely fascinating!" She announced, turning to me with a surprisingly bright smile, pride swelling within me once more. "I've never seen anything like it. Did you really make all of this by yourself?"

"Well, I had some help with the BuilderBot crew. Then again, I made them as well. So, yeah, pretty much," I said with an easy smile as I relaxed a little more in my seat. "Some of my designs are based on pre-existing inventions from my homeland, like this car for instance. I just built it from memory and added some special modifications to make it capable of flight. Isn't science great?"

"It's certainly fascinating, I must agree!" Wiz chirped pleasantly, tilting her head with a curious expression on her face. "Your homeland sounds like a spectacularly advanced place. Do you ever plan to visit it again someday?"

I was about to retort with a hardy no when I paused for a moment. In spite of all the embarrassing memories, failures to take over, and the people who tormented me…Earth was still home. And the JackBots – no doubt they've already received word of my death by now. Poor YesBot must have his gloved hands full trying to keep everything under control with his emergency admin protocols.

Even…even knowing what my family was up to right now didn't sound completely gross…

"…Maybe," I finally answered. "I mean, part of the reason I left was to give myself a fresh start, y'know? Let the past stay in the past. But…I suppose I could be open to going back for a visit one of these days. Gonna be tricky, though, considering it's in a completely different world."

Don't know why I let that slip. Wiz's is probably gonna think I'm a crackpot- -

"Well, if you can create this magnificent flying machine, what's stopping you from making something to cross between worlds? After all, teleportation spells exist! Surely you know a way to mix magic with your technology, yes?"

…Wow. Did not expect her to believe me, at least not that quickly. But I suppose if you were born into a world as coked up as this one and became a lich, the sky's the limit.

"Huh…well, uh, yeah, I mean…yeah, I have been dipping my toes into that field of research," I said kinda lamely as I scratched the back of my neck. "Hell, I've made a working time machine back home using a mystical artifact as a battery. With how potent magic is around here, I could probably cobble something together that's strong enough to generate an interdimensional wormhole. Just another project to put on the back burner."

"As if you don't already have enough of those," Aqua snorted from across the way, instantly souring my mood as I recognized her shit-eating grin. "Tell me, what was the last thrilling idea you tagged onto that list, huh?"

"Don't start with me, woman."

"Oi. I don't like how you call me 'woman' with that tone. You need to learn to respect your goddesses, mister."

"Whatever," I yawned, not daring to go any further by making jokes about her age in human years again. "But, to answer your question, one of the things I got cooking is making a suit of power armor like in Fallout. Robots may be my primary hobby, but I'd also like to get into crafting more weapons and armor for myself."

"Armor would certainly do you good, considering how scrawny you are~" Megumin snipped easily, instantly earning a cackle of delight outta Aqua as I shot her a glare. She held up her hands in mock surrender. "Listen man, it's nothing personal, but the opportunity was there!"

"Not like you can really blame her either," Alexis added from up front, CB-5P131B3R6 awkwardly hovering next to her in the passenger seat. "You could stand to work out a little more, no offense. If you wanna be a 'big bad villain', might as well work on making yourself a touch less wimpy. Just saying~"

I sputtered like a dying car as I tried and failed to make a case for myself. The fact that they legitimately make a good point didn't help either. I hate it when these dopes were occasionally right…

Speaking of dopes, my eyes instinctually drifted over to a certain crusader who had been pretty much silent this entire time. I did notice her watching me, though, if that meant anything. Who knows, she just immediately turned to look out the window and pretend like she was minding her own business. I did the same once Aqua and Megumin moved on by talking to Wiz about something.

Truthfully, I almost forgot Darkness she was still mad at me, and not just for the Drain Touch incident. While part of me was admittedly sorta guilty about the rift I kinda caused, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also getting a little sick of her passive-aggressive attitude. I just want all of us to have fun together for badness' sake! She didn't have to make this so damn difficult!

My stewing was interrupted when I noticed the lens of my CameraBot's camera near my face for some reason.

"…Spielberg, what are you doing?"

"Getting footage of you all before you inevitably get tans at the resort," He answered simply over the headrest of his seat.

"You know me and ultraviolet rays don't get along. And save the film for when we actually get to Albatross!" I said while moving closer to the front seats and popping the lens cap back on. I understood what he was trying to go for with one of those "Before & After" slides, but now wasn't exactly a great time for that.

"You alright, Jack? You seem a bit tense..." Spielberg beeped in a slightly more subdued fashion, causing my shoulders to sag. Was it really that obvious?

"You could say that, yeah…Mind if I level with you for a moment?"

"Of course! We're always here to help you out to the best of our programming!" Spielberg optimistically assured before swiveling his head to face Alexis. If his faceplate had more human features and proper facial servomotors, he'd be smiling ear to ear right about now. "Ain't that right, 'sis'?"

"Hmmm…I'll weigh in where I can," Alexis murmured with a slight eye roll, though the smile on her face made it evident she really didn't mind. "Lay it on us, boss; what's got you so down in the dumps?"

I sighed an appreciative sigh before explaining my current woes. "Well, you may have already noticed this, but lately Darkness and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on stuff, and I think it's starting to put a strain on our relationship."

"What!? No way! I never would've seen it coming!" Alexis near instantly snarked, prompting me to give her a silent, unamused glare to show this was not the time for jokes. She at least met me halfway and offered an apologetic smile.

"Ah…right, sorry. Forgot you were looking for advice here. Please, continue."

"Anyway…it feels like she might truly be mad at me this time. I know she was never fully onboard the Evil Express, but now I think she's having none of it anymore. And it's just…it's just UGH – it's frustrating because, while I am annoyed at her stubborn ass, I'm also kinda guilty when I really shouldn't be! All I want is for her to stop being mad at me so we can be friends again. What should I do, guys…?"

"Well, this is…honestly a toughie," Alexis sighed, her expression growing a bit more serious as she seemingly consider her next words carefully. "The truth is, Jack, you really screwed up on this one. Lying to the girls wasn't a smart move, even if it was just 'keeping the truth to yourself' or however you like to phrase it. Basically means the same thing if you ask me – but whatever! Point is: you made a bad decision and it's gonna take time for Darkness to trust you again. Sorry to break it to you."

…fuck. As blunt as Alexis was, she was sadly right: I did destroy Dark's trust when I elected to not tell her about my plans to build up my federation's rep to other nobles (even if it technically doesn't exist yet). I knew this was going to happen from the start considering how seriously she takes her noble stuff. Yet I did it anyway. And now I was in the doghouse because of it…

Spielberg awkwardly adjusted his metallic director's cap as he eyed his robotic companion. "Uh, Alexis? Not to be rude, but that advice wasn't exactly helpful. In fact, I hesitate to even call it that when it simply amounts to 'you screwed up'. You didn't even offer a solution; all you did was just make him sadder!"

"Well, he needs to hear the truth! We can't just sugarcoat it and give him bad advice, that's only gonna make things worse!" Alexis shot back with a huff, shaking her head in slight exasperation. "Look, you guys will make up eventually, I'm sure of it. These things take time, space, and a whole lot of patience. Besides, I doubt you're alone in wanting this end soon either y'know."

I discreetly looked back at the others. While Aqua and Megumin were chatting Wiz's ears off, Darkness was still keeping to herself, gazing out the window like any bored passenger on a plane. She honestly looked more like the stone-faced stranger I first met than the crazy masochistic pervert I've come to known her as.

…

This sucks. And what sucks even more is that just allowing time heal this wound in our friendship was probably the only real solution here. Doing anything else to try and skip ahead to the make up stage will likely only make things worse. Even though it feels like this is getting us nowhere, I really do just gotta wait this out until Dark and I are both ready to move forward.

"I guess you're right," I finally huffed after a moment. "Still, I wish there was something I could do to make it up to her. I mean, I don't even know what normal girls like, much less ones that are nymphomaniacs! Okay, well, maybe I do, but I doubt giving her your old BDSM gear would be enough…you think?"

"A thoughtful gesture, I'm sure. But something tells me you won't be getting out of it that easily," Alexis chuckled warmly, though her realistic photoreceptors flashed briefly as a dangerously cheeky smile arose on her face. "On the subject, however, when the two of you eventually do make up and start going out, I'll gladly lend you some of my old toys."

A mix between a cough and a screech of disbelief forced me into a coughing fit. Spielberg too was in shock as I desperately tried to get air back into my lungs.

"Oh, don't give me that prude act. I may not have as much experience as my predecessors – thank the higher powers for that – but I can tell you have it down bad for that girl," Alexis casually explained. "Not too hard to see why: she's nice, pretty, submissive and breedable. The whole package."

"Why is 'submissive and breedable' in your vocabulary?" I wheezed between more coughs, trying to compose myself from the utter curve balls thrown my way. I mean, I probably should have expected a certain amount of it from a former sex bot…but jeez.

"Blame my horny bastard of a creator. Just remnants of my original programming," Alexis said with a light shrug as she kept her eyes on the…sky. Even so, that didn't stop the taunts nor the sadistic grin from forming as she continued. "As such, should any interesting developments occur between the two of you, I may be persuaded to give you some 'pointers'. That is, if you're not above getting on your knees and begging~"

"Alexis, please! Jack looks like he's about ready to explode!" Spielberg scolded, unintentionally making matters worse with the accidental innuendo. "Honestly, messing with him in such a way when he's already stressed…Have you no class?"

"Yeesh, are the rest of your brothers prudes as well?" Alexis countered with an annoyed eye roll. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood a little. All this heavy drama shit really isn't my thing. And for your information, I am very much capable of acting with class. Did I not insinuate that he'd have to ask for my consent to help him with kinky matters? I have an emotion chip now, I'm no longer a mindless sexbot."

"I can feel my genius brain melting as we speak – I'm disengaging this conversation," I muttered, shaking my head as I forced myself to calm down, pushing any and all uncomfortable thoughts away for the time being. "Thanks for the guidance, for what it was worth."

Alexis and Spielberg simply gave me a thumbs up and claws up respectively before going back to conversing with each other. I rejoined the girls back in the main cabin of the limo when Aqua gave me a look.

"What was the commotion up front about? Sounded like you were on the verge of screaming like a little girl again."

"Shut up…" I sighed as I sat down and grabbed a Coke from one of the nearby coolers. "So, aside from hot springs and potentially crazy cultists, what else can we expect when we get to Alcatraz?"

"It's 'Arcanletia', poophead, and you guys are gonna love it! Aside from the obvious attractions, the city itself is really beautiful!" Aqua replied dutifully, practically like a hype woman and tour guide rolled in one. "And above all else, we'll have plenty of time to get some sun and enjoy the view!"

"Technically true," Megumin nodded with a hum before turning to me. "But be aware: folks are liable to squeeze every last eris out of you. They especially pride themselves on their homemade soaps and detergents. But other than the Axis branding, there's really nothing special about them."

"I'll be sure to keep an eye on my pockets then," I muttered, once again wondering why I should even be surprised given the person these cultists worshiped. "But really, of all the things they could capitalize on, why soap?"

"Uh, helloooo? It's a city renowned for its hot springs and spas. What'd you expect?"

…hang on, was this the first time Aqua made a valid point or corrected me on something, or did that already happen before? I think my genius license is going to get revoked…

"W-well, yeah, I knew that! I just think it's telling that they have to rely on cleaning products to get their tourists to stay. Like, what, are the hot springs not enough of an incentive for you guys?"

"Is that your 'genius' way of saying you're not gonna try it? Jaaaaack, you just GOTTA! That's the whole point of this entire trip, come on!"

"I'm allowed to spend my vacation however I like. If I don't wanna try out the hot springs, I don't have to," I stated firmly with my arms crossed. I may be a 'filthy casual' as Satou would so eloquently put it, but I've seen enough anime to know how dangerous those situations are. "Remember how many hoops I had to jump through to avoid being seen using those public bathhouses? What makes you think I'm going to willingly expose myself in nature's hot tubs?"

"Well, if you don't, you're a total wimp," Megumin retorted on Aqua's behalf suddenly, evil smirk adorning her face. It was finally beginning to dawn on me that perhaps teaching her my evil ways was a double-edged sword. "Come on, Jack! Face your fears, don't be a chicken!"

"What, me? Jack Spicer, Evil Teen Genius, a chicken and a wimp? As if!" I scoffed, refusing to play their little game. "It may not be spiders or clowns, but I'd rather not be in my birthday suit with other people also in their birthday suits. I value my privacy too much for that, thank you."

I really, really, really shouldn't have lowered my guard. Because the second I closed my eyes, a distinct and grating sound met my ears…as Megumin and Aqua started clucking at me.

Of course, the second I opened my eyes to glare at them, they immediately stopped and pretended to look all innocent. Innocent my left foot.

"You did not…" I growled.

"Whatever do you mean?" Aqua asked all too pleasant with that cocky, shit-eating grin on her face. Megumin had a similar grin too, just to piss me off even more. "We're just sitting here, relaxing and enjoying the ride."

Wiz was a silent observer in all of this as I continued to glare at the two knuckleheads. Even Darkness seemed mildly interested, at least enough to stop gazing out the window. I only noticed her watching through my peripheral vision though, so I couldn't see what her expression was. Still, I didn't look at her when I slowly tore my eyes away from Aqua and Megumin to fiddle with my wrist comm…

Then the clucking came back with a vengeance.

"Guys, I'm a bisexual teenaged boy and you're asking me to soak with naked men and women. Do you not see the issue here!? Seriously, combine your two induvial brain cells and think about what you're asking me to do! Why are you even pushing this!?"

"We're pushing it because you're being so weird about it. It's just a spa, not a friggin' brothel!" Megumin nearly whined. "Look, I get showing skin can be uncomfortable, but it's not like it's a death sentence! Just wear a towel if it bothers you so much."

"Megumin, I can't even piss in a stall unless there's nobody in the room and it's dead quiet," I deliberately annunciated, even as the girls made disgusted faces at the imagery. "I am not doing it. If Satou were here, I doubt you would be pressuring him to jump into a hot spring!"

"...to be fair, I don't believe Kazuma would need much convincing, all things considered," Darkness surprisingly interjected after a beat. I guess we were being loud and obnoxious enough that she kinda had to throw her two cents in. "A-anyway, you do not have to join us in the hot springs, Jack. Nothing will be forced upon you."

Well, happy to know that even someone I wasn't on the best terms with right now wasn't going to go out of their way to make this worse for me.

"Darkness is right! There's no shame in wanting to hide your…uh, shame," Wiz added, somehow blushing a little even though there really shouldn't be an active blood flow in her body (magic I guess). "I-In fact, I actually think it's rather admirable of you to have clearly defined boundaries. If you don't feel comfortable entering the hot springs, then don't go. I won't judge. I doubt I can go in them myself anyway. I'd probably get purified stepping into the water."

"THANK YOU! If I don't want to do something, then I obviously don't have to do it! Nice to know at least some people on this ride can respect that."

Sadly, the message didn't seem to get through all the way as Megumin and Aqua gradually resumed their clucking once again, clearly enjoying themselves. Wiz, Darkness, and I were left unamused.

"Mock me all you want, but I've made my decision and I'm standing by it," I declared defiantly. "No amount of chicken noises is going to change that."

'Ugh, fine. If you wanna be boring and skip over the entire purpose of this trip, that's your right. Whatever, man," Megumin huffed as she crossed her arms, scowling slightly. "Or should I say big ol' wimp…"

"Yeah, well…I'm still smarter than you. So there."

…SHIT, WAIT-

"Darkness blacker than black- -"

I shrieked and raised my hands up in a hasty surrender motion as Aqua, Darkness, and Wiz moved to silence the Crimson Demon before she could grab her staff and cast Explosion while we were mid-goddamn-air. "It was just a joke, relax! Why must you be quick to violence!?"

Once things had settled down and Megumin was no longer feeling suicidal (just severely grumpy now), we unanimously agreed to enjoy the silence as we awaited our destination. Naturally, what would've taken a good couple of days by carriage was only a couple of hours by air as, before we knew it, Alexis suggested we look out the windows. When we did, I couldn't help but let out a low whistle at what I saw below us.

The town of hot springs was an incredibly spacious settlement nestled comfortably in a large rocky valley. A lot of the baths themselves were set up along the valley's walls in these dug out ridges where pools of water could collect. The main entrance appeared to be one long stone bridge over a large pond where carriages had to cross over in an inconvenient, single file line. Perks of having a flying car: unlimited cutsies!

Soaring overhead, Alexis flew us in circles for a bit while trying to find us a proper spot to land, before we finally touch down in a park across from a quaint inn near the center of town. Unsurprisingly, our touchdown seemed to be attract attention from the locals, a small assembly of them gathering as the girls, bots, and I stepped out of the vehicle.

"Huh. Y'know, seeing people outside of Axel react to my tech is kinda refreshing," I whispered to Aqua, my ego getting yet another much needed boost. Though, to be fair, I imagine living in the same town as a mad scientist with an explosion-happy mage for an apprentice would leave you a little desensitized after a while. Still, always a treat to have primitive locals gawk at my god-like tech.

"I'm sure it's gratifying," Aqua grumbled, crossing her arms with a semi-pout. Seemed like she didn't like the fact that my awesome tech was stealing her thunder in her alleged holy city. "Don't get too big a head over it, alright? This is gonna happen just about everywhere we go."

Nodding, I turned my attention back to the crowd still gawking at us. Under normal circumstances, this would be the part where I indulge in a little evil showboating. But given how one of my teammates was currently still mad at me, I decided that – for now – I'd try to defuse the situation and keep things on the downlow. We were on vacation after all; sometimes I need to recharge my evil batteries.

"Uh, hey everyone!" I greeted with a casual wave. "Don't worry, we're not aliens here to suck your brains out or anal probe you. We're just tourists on vacation. Lookin' for a little R 'n' R, get me?"

The second it seemed to click that we were tourists, it was like some switch was flipped in the surrounding crowd's brains, a predatory gleam entering their eyes as they slowly started to advance forward, like a hoard of all too familiar jungle cats eyeing up their latest prey.

"Tourists, eh? Well, in that case…WELCOME TO OUR BELOVED ARCANLETIA!" One of the closer locals shouted, an almost palpable "used car salesman" energy wafting off him. "If you're looking to rejuvenate your spirits, try our wonderful hot springs, sponsored by the Axis Church!"

"Better yet, why not join the Axis Church itself?!" Another local suggested, pulling out what looked like a contract and quill from god knows where. "Even the lowest ranking members get paid a healthy sum for spreading the good word of the glorious goddess Aqua!"

"If you save up enough money, you can gain access to a lot of amazing perks working for the church!" Yet another looney local added as he invaded my personal bubble and got up in my grill. "Like being able to call yourself a 'Junior Head Assistant Axis Disciple'! DOESN'T THAT SOUND GREAT?!"

"...I've made a horrible mistake."