"What do you mean by that..?"
"Piece it out Hange, I know you know what I meant."
"You can't possibly say... you're from outside the walls..."
"Quite the miss." Everyone was looking at you, hanging at your every word.
"I'm from outside your universe."
Hange's scoffs filled the silence one chuckle at a time. You could feel the dimming surroundings by the commander's window as the skies transitioned from that golden sunset, to a purple, bluish dusk.
Then Hange's scoffs stopped, their hands gripped into fists.
"You know what will happen to you if you spout non-sense like this, right?" The whirl of the air turned tense. Despite all that, you remained calm, unfazed. Exhausted.
"I do." You simply said with no expression of jest in your face. "And if I'm lying to you, how do you explain my stuff?" You argued calmly.
Hange gulped, weighing your truth over their doubts. A tense, choking silence filled the room that only Miche's footsteps eased. In the corner of your eye, he settled by the window, overlooking the dark, struggling streets of Trost. Erwin stood from where he knelt, giving Levi a look that he needed someone to man the door.
"Do you have any other proof?" Hange's voice got lower than usual.
"What proof would make you believe I'm telling the truth?" You responded rather quickly. If they already have a bias against you, then there's nothing you can do that will make them change their minds. Hange opened their mouth like they were about to say something, but nothing came out. What does she know about the world you lived in anyway?
"How about... octopus?" Erwin interjected.
"What?" Well that was unexpected.
"Hange, she knows something about those sea creatures." Erwin relayed your first encounter with him. "It could be that wherever she came from, those creatures actually exists."
"Or she's actually from outside and has come to spy on us." Hange rebutted their commander.
"I'm not." You asserted so weakly. "I swear to you, I'm not..."
"Then how do we know you're telling the truth?" Hange challenged.
"If I told you about where I came from, you'll just dismiss whatever I say and treat me as an outsider because that's what I am." You argued. Your chest felt so constrained, it'll burst anytime, as warm tears trickled like flood over your cheeks. It's been five long years enduring everything alone. You can't be honest with people who had been honest with you, you hesitate to give them a piece about yourself because there is a chance they're going to drop one by one. Or you'll get caught up in one of the battles, while you pour your everything just to save them.
And it's the best you can do, for these people who learnt to accept you without requiring anything back.
"But even if I am not from this world, I don't mean you any harm, I just want to go home."
The silence felt comforting now. You didn't like it when the cells in the military police fed you with silence, because theirs filled you with dread and fear. It gave you time to think what could be taken from you next. Gave you time to process what happened in Trost and fill you with nightmares even when you're awake. But honesty brought you this silence which made you feel this exposed.
Vulnerable.
A feeling you hated when shared with other people. You struggled sitting up, wiping your tears after your emotional breakdown. Vertigo swirled your vision, and good thing Hange kept you still. So what's gonna happen now? Are they gonna kill you or...?
"I think we should give her a chance. If she could tweak her gear like that, she could do the same to ours." Miche proposed. "It's not my say, but she could help us do better outside with faster gears."
Miche's support filled you with hope. You nodded in thanks in which he reciprocated with the same gesture. You hopefully looked at Erwin, anticipating his verdict of taking you under his wing, and help out wherever you can.
"We can," Erwin scratched his eyebrow, "But Hange will have to look after her."
"Why me?" There was protest on Hange's end. It came muffled to your ears, exhaustion and pain combined, your body's already at its limit...
"So you get a chance to play friends." Levi teased.
"Miche's right, she could help you prepare for the expedition..." The rest of Erwin's reasons came incoherent, as your body shivered, feeling your head hit the upholstery, before everything went black.
You woke up in the infirmary one afternoon. Your fingers were all bandaged and cleaned up. Your jaw and ankle felt better now, but your arm where the titan bit you felt itchy. The clinic smelled acidic. White, stitched sacks of flour divided the beds for privacy in a rather empty hall. There were flowers and a single apple in your bedside table with a note that you easily recognized as Historia's.
Everything will be okay. We will support you in the trial, Phoebe!
Get well soon!
You folded it back, taking a bite from the apple they gave you.
"Yo!"
You didn't even have the time to chew on the apple, when Hange strode on the wide aisle of the clinic. You gave them a slight bow, in which they dismissed.
"It's been decided," They started. "Your trial will be held two days from now. You don't need to say anything. Just stand there and pretend to listen. Erwin will do the talking."
"About the soldiers who couldn't make it..." You diverted their attention.
"We piled the dead and burned them, Johnson. Most of them are beyond recognition and it'll bring disease with them this many." Hange had this sympathetic look on their face. "Do you have someone? Was he eaten? If it's a soldier, you can just visit the memorial." You understood. Not all bodies can be retrieved in one piece. You also need to ask permission for every move you make since Hange and most of the vets don't trust you... at least not yet.
"Can I do that after the trial?" You asked.
"I'll have someone accompany you." Hange gently patted you on the back just before their foot pointed at the door, ready to leave. "And I still have your stuff in my office. After the trial, you should show me how they work."
"Of course." You smiled, looking down at your bandaged fingers. "It's what I'm here for." It's the only reason you're being kept alive. You directed your smile on Hange's direction, surprised at how sympathetic they looked at you. Their stare lingered long, and it ended with subtle nods that gave you comfort. They saw the card Historia left.
"I'm sorry about this," Hange said before leaving. "Your friends came this morning. It's just too hard to believe. Allow me to adjust to it first, but I'm sure we'll get along just as well." Hange scratched the back their head, their pitiful, sympathetic stare changed to a happy grin. "I like people whom I can learn from!"
Your trial didn't involve taking on Levi's boots while chained defenseless in front of so many people. In fact, you sported a wheelchair and it was boring. Lah-dee-dah-dee-dahs. So much formality— so much sit, stand, sit, 'I-hereby-swear-to-tell-the-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth', stand again and it ended with Zackley banging the gavel.
Miche volunteered to carry you back to the clinic to get more rest but you wanted to start right away. You hated being alone with your thoughts. It gave you time to think about Mina and Marco and the loss of people they left behind.
You thought Jean and Thomas and how they are taking it.
Marco saw something in Jean. You don't know when it started, but you saw it when Marco spoke so highly of Jean and his potential to lead. His death shaped him to grow and depart from his selfish ambition to live an easy life inside the comfort of the walls. Now imagine having someone inspire you to do better and then they're taken away with no warning, no goodbye, just memories. If it was you, you'd rather join them, or wish you've never met them at all.
Petra got you a crutch, informing you that Captain Levi said Miche could use the time carrying you for other things useful. You smiled and agreed since you yourself didn't like his musk staining all your clothes while you garnered attention being carried everywhere. Not to mention skinship makes you terribly uncomfortable.
Oh, and have you mentioned getting sniffed at? You're so done with that.
"This," you began to explain, as you unlock the mini plastic briefcase, "Is a drill and screw bits. With sunlight power, it drills holes on wood or to any surface." You tried to make the explanation as simple as you could. You patted your trusty portable driller, and then provided them with a demo. You heard some 'ohhs' and 'ahhs" from the audience, and the more you talk, the more enthusiastic and unhinged Hange became. (Do you think we can open a titan's head using this?!) Erwin seemed interested with his chin on his shoulder, if not mildly surprised. Miche didn't really give a vibe and Levi? Levi was just looking at your stuff. Not that he's uninterested, or not buying it, he's just being his usual apathetic game face.
And so, you continued to explain, answering their questions that popped from time to time.
You showed them that newspaper you drew your modified gear on, and that's when Erwin had this quizzical face, his nose buried on the paper with his glasses drooping on the bridge of his nose. It was refreshing to see him like this; a grown man with a child-like spark in his eyes. You admired him for afar, itching to get one on one to answer things you're sure he wanted answers from.
"Oi," Levi snapped you from all the fangirling. You cleared your throat in annoyance.
"Focus." Captain manlet ordered. You bowed, complying of course.
"This will snap the user's back, that's why I have to put support in the spine."
"That won't work, you'll hurt your hips the more you use that." Levi said it as a matter-of-fact. For the first time, he intervened on your lecture on the very thing he is so used using. You need his input though, coming from a master of using 3DMG. "You'll scratch your skin until you peel them off. We'll be using that for a long time."
Oh, he's got a point. You admitted, having gone through the same thing when you used it during the battle in Trost. You tucked your hair behind your ear, a little taken aback that someone so... un-physicist corrected you on something you've been so passionate about. "You're right, sir. Also," you looked at him, "the thing about this gear is it uses too much gas."
"Then think, that's what you're here for, isn't it?" Okay, he's annoying but you can't say anything back to that. You hid your irritation of how unapologetic he talks, distracting yourself with a possible solution in the posing problem. You tucked your hair again, as it kept falling. In your periphery, Levi may be looking at you, but you chose to ignore his... death stares. You knew it's death stares.
"We can..." you trailed off, thinking. "We can make a gas regulator or... make the gas tubes larger. But it won't be as compact if we use larger tanks so..."
"Heavier too." Seconded Hange. "Regulator? You mean you'll control the flow of the gas in the gear?"
"Yes, Captain."
"But wouldn't that off set the accelerator you're trying to put here?" Hange pointed out. Levi left, he probably missed Petra or something. Miche towered behind you, you can tell by the musk. You felt him a little too close for your liking that you had to scoot away to allow space. Hange's reasons went muted when you observed how the squads interact with each other: Petra nagging Oluo, Levi just sitting with his tea, Moblit beside Hange, Nanaba, Tomas, Gunther, Eld...
They're actually laid back. You didn't expect that from people who had always been in so much pressure of death and danger.
Before anything else, you have to finish adjusting their gears, and most importantly, you have to find a way to keep Squad Levi alive.
Everyone was eating lunch, save that part of Hange squad, or rather Hange, who had 'fun' experimenting on Eren. You skipped it too, wary about the draft of the valve for the regulator given the time and shortage of materials you can scrap. In actuality, you were trying to beat the one month deadline.
That time when Levi's whole squad will be annihilated.
You thought of sneaking to Mitras to buy yourself some nicer materials, but you settled in going to your previous employer... as much as uncomfortable as it's going to be. When you finished the drafts of the gear 2.0, you listed the items you're going to need, pulled out some spare coins Hange left you with, and headed off.
"Where to?" But you should've known Levi kept an eye on you.
Everyone looked at you with their silent questions for blatant violation of command.
"To buy me some alloy, sir." You replied, trying to appear as innocent as you could. "And some glass too, for the valve and regulator."
"Without company?" He pestered. You rubbed your eyes, them almost crossing for staring too long at short distances then suddenly looking at farther ones. He waited for you to tell him that you won't go without a chaperone, but it should be crystal clear that Hange was your superior, and they gave you leniency by the nature of your job. Levi, however, didn't believe a single shit you say.
You thought he was easy, considering he barks and bites at Erwin's beck and call, now you're reconsidering your opinion of him.
Or maybe Erwin didn't trust Hange's leniency, he got Levi to watch you as well.
Miche appeared through the door, and stared. Miche tacitly told Levi through one look that he will accompany you in Nifa's stead. Not that you needed it, but they don't really trust you yet. There was this silent understanding between the long man and the manlet... and you were in no position to impose any of your whims.
You limped towards Miche who was offering his forearm instead of that shoulder you can't possibly reach.
"It's fine sir," You said, not taking Miche's arm.
"Ya just wanted the scraps? Come on, Febe, ya no stranger, ya made this tool!" Your past employer pointed at the thick nails embedded to lumber planks used for bending larger, thicker metals. "Take some more, the business is better because the production got faster and better, kiddo. All thanks to ya!" He put his arm around your shoulder, his hand pinching and massaging your arm.
He did this many times before, that's why you never felt remorse every time you stole from him.
Then when you felt his hand creep to the small of your back, you pulled away, taking his hands off your body, but the feel of his touch remained.
You feel dirty being touched by unsolicited hands. You forced a smile, allowing a decent distance from the guy. You couldn't meet anyone's eyes at the moment, so you busied yourself examining the scraps he dropped in front of you, by squatting.
Or getting a whiff of the stale smell of urine as you meet his crotch on eye level.
"Just drop by if ya need any more! I'll be happy to give it to ya!" His grin widened when you noticed him slightly pushed his hip forward, as if urging you to do something with his open zipper.
You let yourself stumble to the ground to allow some space, sacrificing a bit of pain when you propped yourself up.
And all the while Miche just stared at you.
Until he stood closer, pulling you up and hid you behind him, close enough to feel his warmth.
"What?" The guy stuttered, threatened by Miche's sheer size. Miche did not stir away from the guy's eyes as he bent down and took the bag full of metal scraps...
And in one swift swing, the heavy bag settled in his back, missing your ex-employer's nose by a mere inch.
He stumbled on the group while Miche uttered his deep, threatening thanks.
"I'd be happy to give it to ya." He mimicked him, and your ex-employer had never been so mortified. At this point, you stifled your laughter, feeling good for finally getting what this scumbag deserved. Your hand gently slapped Miche's back, urging him to go on and leave the guy traumatized. You found it strange when this scumbag always insisted he hires women instead of men. At first, you were delighted to hear this, seeing that your tinker abilities won't be overlooked because of your sex, but as you spent more time with him, you also spent more time seeing lady employees come and go in just a matter of weeks.
You needed the money, that's why you stayed.
"Tony, right?" Miche's voice exuded this dangerously quiet aura, all while he towered over him.
"H-Huh?" Your ex-employer whimpered. Was his name really Tony? You thought it was more of Austin...
"I'll drop by sometime, like you said." Miche said in a gruffly, guttural voice. "And if I caught you again putting your arm where it doesn't belong, I'll come for you and your family."
The guy couldn't do anything but nod incessantly, his pee staining his pants.
"And your tiny little fuck poodle you call a dick. Got it?"
"I-I got it m-man..."
"Good." He walked past him, and you tagged along. "Now get the fuck out and close your zipper— it's fucking disgusting."
August— you just remembered his name, scrambled away like Miche wanted him too. He almost looked like a mutt running with his tail between his legs. You laughed about it while gathering the rest of what you needed, then eating freshly baked bread on the way to the headquarters.
Miche's line on the last part of this chapter was inspired by the webtoon I really like. It's called Midnight Poppy Land and it's a mafia romance story. When I'm writing this part of Miche, I remembered that instance when Tora, the guy in MPL, threatened Trevor, the lousy security guard, so his friend, Gyu, can take the job.
I thought that would perfect for a quiet yet lethal version of Miche in this fanfic. I like this character a lot, (more than any guy on the story, really. Been crushing on him for months now.) but I think I wanted to portray him as this sigma type of guy who can be equally gentle (subtly, of course) and deadly, when needed.
Happy reading!