"Ah, Levi," Hange crossed their arms, a careful, tensed expression plastered on their face. "Not that I don't trust you— don't get it wrong, but how did Miche ended up finding the chapel when none of us knew until today?"

The insignia in the chest pocket of your coat wasn't one with the wings anymore. It was this boring, two-toned gray cross that was supposed to represent the entirety of Paradis' Armed Forces.

You patted your chest twice. First, because the insignia looked ugly, and the second because you wished it was still the white and blue wings.

You were a heavy packer for a soldier. Four, too many bags rustled and clink-clunk every time they moved; too many boxes— courtesy of scraps you hoarded when you thought you'd have some use of them someday, now tossed into the trash piling outside of the female barracks. The room you shared looked lived with Petra and Nanaba sharing bunk beds, but now…

But now, what used to be yours and Nanaba looked bare, like you were never here.

"Need a hand? I charge an incredibly low price for civilians." Levi. You could feel yourself getting giddy. You would recognize that casual yet rough manner of speaking in a crowd of hundreds. You counted to three, then turned around and gave him a small, chaste smile, though on the inside, you were ecstatic to see him, you could spark and melt on the spot. Levi leaned on the doorframe, his arms crossed leisurely against his chest, looking delicious with his military coat on.

But he looked… bigger than you remembered. And lame as it was, you decided to ride his icebreaker. "Let me guess, in the name of public service?"

"It's good to be good at least once a year. Farmers say it produces good crops."

"And the rest?" You asked.

"I say we should all starve and die."

That made you snort. Levi walked towards the heaviest bag, and with one hand, he flung it on his shoulder. He winced.

"You won't attend Historia's coronation?"

"I will, after this." He answered as he began walking for the door. "Care to join— oh right, you're the Queen's Advisor now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I need to go. The transfer was sudden. But you and Erwin signed my transfer papers so…" An apologetic smile accompanied your response. While sure, you were angry in the first few days you wanted to glock Erwin right under the jaw, but maybe being separated, at least in a short while, would be best. Levi was right. You needed time to think. To process things. To grieve. To plan where you wanted to go from here. And to be honest, you haven't allowed yourself to think beyond what was served in front of you.

Though it faded fast when you noticed his nail— his index finger was red and dry and missing. Levi hastily hid them in his coat pocket, and you pretended not to notice.

"Yeah, I did. Sorry, I didn't tell you. It was a spur of the moment decision." Levi responded.

"I bet it was the hardest you've ever made." You joked.

"Easiest, actually." He responded, amusement glinted in his eyes. "I couldn't wait to get you out of my hair."

"Ouch." You feigned getting hurt and you chuckled, knowing it wasn't true. "You know, everyone's in Mitras already, don't they need to see the heroes that saved Paradis?" You said, grabbing the lightest knapsack.

"And for what? Applause and more responsibilities? That's hardly fair." He said with a slight grunt when he adjusted the way he carried your stuff. Was it that heavy? Both of you walked side by side, the synchronous thuds of your boots reverberated in the empty hallways of the headquarters.

"So you actually think you're the hero?"

"I'm going for the food." He responded flatly. His side profile charged a remnant of a bursting bottom lip, a scab was all that remained. Was fighting Reiss really an S-tier? Or maybe someone beat him up? Him? The infamously strong Levi Ackerman?

"And even if I was a part of it, the men can take the credit."

"What, you don't like the applause?" But what if he took the beating willingly…

"Not really." He talked faceforward. "But maybe, if I arrived late enough, I can dodge the part where they give us more shit to deal with." Then adjusted your stuff on his shoulder again.

"Just because they can't give you more responsibilities in public doesn't mean they can't do it privately you know." Did someone find out about your little secret with him? The thought didn't sink right into your belly. Nevermind what they found out— after saving Paradis' ass again, all of that while tired and grieving, someone had the audacity to put Levi under the interrogation lamp?

"I know… that!" Levi dropped your bag with a grunt. "Well, now that's rather disappointing."

"What is?" You asked. Something that had been bothering you for a while now, the moment you heard him winced. You walked briskly to catch up to him, grabbing his shoulder just so he could turn around and—

Levi winced. This time, he couldn't hide it from you.

And by instinct, you withdrew your hands as if any contact would cause him pain. Just what happened to him during his absence?

"Sorry," You said so gently it was almost a whisper. "Just let me—" You grabbed his hand, dead-set to examine his fingers, but they were strong and restrictive when they wrapped around your wrist. Levi was hiding something. Now, you were sure.

"Levi—"

"No, don't." His eyes darkened. Serious. Intentional. Grip, too strong, his lips pressed and flattened, you could tell he was gritting his molars by how tensed his jaw looked. A small sigh escaped from your slightly gaping lips.

"Levi—" You winced. He got what you meant and immediately released your wrist.

"Sorry, can't tell you," He muttered, watching you massage your wrist. "Soldier stuff."

It had been a few days after Reiss's defeat in the hands of her own daughter, the very person about to be crowned today. You remembered bouncing from being half-asleep to full-bodied wakefulness, roused by the incessantly thunderous blasts outside. Nanaba laid awake the entire time, her nails already blunt and bleeding on the sides of her fingers due to picking at them that entire night.

You remembered getting up as soon as the sun rose, ready and eager to see if there was anything— anything at all you could help with despite of how helpless you looked. You thought doing something with your hands would make you helpful, productive. It was better than waiting in agony while doing nothing. You remembered Nanaba's concealed panic streaks— the way her brows furrowed; her eyes frantically scanned every label of the headquarters' clinic and eventually, the relief that washed over her when she found out that Miche was unscathed and sitting his ass on his own office, his face down on the desk, drooling and cozily unconscious due to exhaustion.

You remembered a disturbed Petra sitting so still on her bed for days, and Oluo knocking at the door every time just to ask how she was holding up.

Then you remembered not seeing Levi for more than a week, not until today. Was he in the interrogation cell all that time?

"Then where were you these past few days?" You wanted to sound nonchalant, not wanting to give hints that you were worried sick, that you haunted miserably in the hallways of the clinic in search for his room.

But when the question came out of your mouth, you sounded accusing. Alarmed. Maybe even angry. He saw it.

"What, did you miss me?" A lazy smile graced his lips, leaning a little while his hands remained in his coat pockets.

"I knew you were gonna say that." You muttered, trying to compose yourself by crossing your arms and looking down in hopes that some counting will do the trick to fill your patience bank. You knew he was stalling time, hoping you'd drop the topic and move on. No. No— he winced . He could barely lift your bag without grunting like a wounded animal. You got a promotion while he was gone and suddenly he turned up looking like… this .

"What's going on? Where were you, Levi?"

"Inside my clothes?" He said playfully, crossing his arms this time. "But if you must know," His eyes averted elsewhere before a slight sigh escaped his lips.

Then his eyes flickered back to yours.

"Eld's gone."

That made you suck a breath. Too rigid to move. Ice cold water poured from the top of your head.

"How?" You asked, still a bit shaken from the news. You were just listening to these guys— Gunther and Eld made fun of Oluo two, three weeks ago.

"Caught in the crossfire."

"Does his wife know?"

"We delivered his body to her."

It took the whole trip to your former room before you both said anything, and anything before that, was silence. A grieving, sober silence that no one knew how to pick up and make the conversation light again.

Levi absentmindedly stared at your bags before heaving another with one hand. "You asked for it. I told you it's not exactly a subject for hellos."

"And Bertholdt?" You ignored his remark, but it wasn't unnoticed that his jaw pulsed when you asked that question, before the room was filled with silence again.

"He got away." Levi responded. "Erwin thinks someone helped him."

"There were, alright." You muttered enough for Levi to hear. "And they're going to try to take Ymir with them, if they can't take both Eren and Ymir."

"What do you mean?" Levi suddenly looked alarmed. He dropped your bag and turned to face you entirely, the sockets of his eyes deeper than you remembered.

You weren't imagining things. Levi did lose weight.

You took a moment to observe him a few steps away, then closer, closer until you breathed his soft exhales, one shoe size away from each other. Your finger followed the trails your eyes left on him; first, his temple had traces of yellowish stain you deduced to be bruises, his sunken sockets, then to the hard contours of his face. His expression tensed. Suppressed. The worsened hollow of his cheeks, and the hard beaten cut where his lip bursted not so long ago. Something happened and he wasn't telling you.

"You can't tell me you slammed your face on a pole a week ago." Your words were almost inaudible. Your thumb left the side of his chin. "Because I swear, if I have anything to do with you getting beaten up—"

"You're not answering my question."

"Answer mine first," You responded breathlessly. "You have to answer my question first."

"Just…" He uttered a single word after dilly-dallying for a few minutes.

"Just?"

He sighed. It must've been difficult for him to detail what happened in the week you haven't seen him.

"Levi," Your voice was gentle, hoping to reassure him. "You can tell me."

"Nothing, it was just…"

You waited patiently. He looked so hesitant, he couldn't even look you in the eyes.

"Some chick bit me too hard during foreplay…"

You lost it. The motherfucker had the guts to snicker.

"She sucked me so good I couldn't get up for days—"

"I am not joking around!" You almost slapped his arm but just in time to stop midair.

And just like that, Levi caressed your cheek before stepping back, grinning proudly. "It's classified. Civilians should stay out—"

"I'm the Queen's advisor!"

"Which becomes official once she's crowned," Levi defended in a matter-of-factly tone as he took one of your bags. "Too bad we have until sundown for this powerplay."

"Levi…" You muttered his name with a temperate sigh. What could Levi be hiding that he couldn't tell you? Because this was just too bizarre! Why couldn't he tell you? Levi knew you knew things more than they do, so there was no reason to hide anything from you. Unless…

"Which still makes me your captain," Levi said firmly—

"Which still makes me a member of the Special Operations Squad and should not be deprived of classified information—"

Unless, it had something to do with you.

"And your captain defines what is classified to you, soldier." Levi's grin was slowly replaced by his usual dominating air, "So shut up and answer your captain's question."

You couldn't answer back to that. You tried giving him a defiant look, only for your rebellious stare to turn one of pity when the darker purples around his eyes became more apparent as the light reflected against his back.

"Shiganshina battle." You spoke curtly. "If I'm right, Erwin, Pyxis and Zackly are planning the retrieval of wall Maria for days already." You conceded, crossing your arms in silent defiance and feeling like a kid who didn't get her favorite candy. "The food supplies are really low and we can't afford refugees in Sina since we—

"We haven't checked Wall Rose thoroughly." He sighed, his wrist eased the tension building between his eyebrows. "Of course."

"The three should be waiting somewhere in wall Maria to snatch Ymir and Eren with them."

"Who's three?"

"You didn't know?" Well, that surprised you.

"What?" He stopped massaging his forehead, now looking confused.

"You didn't know that there would be a retrieval operation?"

"You never told me."

"No, what I meant was," So if they were planning without Levi, where was he all that time? "They didn't include you in the planning?"

"No, they…" His eyes casted down, as if looking for an answer on the walls. "They didn't. I was… somewhere ."

"Where?" You insisted.

"Who's three?"

"The beast titan," Your eyes scanned the floor, retrieving memories. "Braun and Bertholdt. Another shifter will join soon. The cart titan."

"And how will this turn out?"

"Where were you?" Your turn to ask questions. You figured out the game of cliffhangers now. If you were right, he better give you what you want.

"Somewhere." Only to be proven wrong there and then. "Somewhere none of your business."

"Okay," You nodded, your stance was ready to leave. "Then don't expect an answer from me—"

And abruptly, his fingers firmly wrapped a tad below your elbow, preventing you from going anywhere.

"You know how this works, Levi." You twisted your arm to get away from his grip. "Where were you? What did they do to you? Who did this to—"

"Hey Phoe—" Nanaba appeared and froze in the doorway. "Sorry, I thought she's alone… am I interrupting something?"

"Yes—"

"No." You both uttered opposite answers simultaneously.

"No— actually, I was just ready to leave. Do you mind if I take these bags after the event?" You addressed Nanaba who could clearly tell the residue of the tension.

"Of course, Petra won't mind. Do you need a hack? I could arrange one if you like." Nanaba responded. You opened your mouth to say 'yes, thank you.' But Levi fronted before you uttered the words.

"No need. I'll take her and her stuff later." Levi never peeled his eyes from you. Serious than ever, irritated to a point. "Miss Johnson and I have a lot of catching up to do."

He's right, you thought. A lot of catching up to do. If he couldn't tell you what happened to him in his absence, somebody else would. A certain titan expert perhaps?

LEVI ACKERMAN

"Three shifters," I crossed the other leg when the right one had gone numb. "Actually, four. But the cart one, she said it will come after. They'll try to take Eren and Bertholdt when we retrieve Maria."

"And Ymir," Erwin added. "But she's not staying beside the Queen, Ymir will come with us in the retrieval operation. We could use her and Eren's shifting abilities." I didn't respond.

"But a Cart titan huh? I wonder what it does," Erwin linked his fingers, appearing to be in deep thought. He looked like that everytime he played Go with Pyxis and they wanted me to tag along. It was boring, I admit, and I never bothered learning how to play that game.

"How many shifters do we have, how many could we take…" Erwin muttered like a creep before he turned to me. "Who's the other one?"

"The beast titan. Miche and Phobe encountered it in Ragako."

"I see." Erwin sipped his port. "Is there anything else she told you?" I glanced over my shoulder, Erwin in my periphery.

"I'll try to get out more details tonight." I adjusted my coat to prevent the tight parts of my shirt from rubbing in my skin. "She's waiting for me."

"Do you need some kind of protection?" I hated that it took me a few seconds to get what he was trying to sell me. Oh, that . Erwin pretended to look for his stash which for all I know was never used and just expiring under a hidden compartment in one of his drawers. "It lessens the sensation but I think miss—"

"I'm leaving," I got up and buttoned my coat. "Talk to you when I see you." I could feel Erwin's grin grinding behind my back. "By the way…"

Erwin hummed. "You wanted one after all?"

"The deal," I had to remind him. "You better keep the deal, Erwin."

"Of course," Erwin's expression turned solemn. "I'll keep her out of trouble, but in exchange…"

"I'll feed you your stupid information." goddamn it, Phoebe's stashed in Mitras, holding one of the highest positions inside the walls, surrounded by three layers of protection. But somehow, something tells me it wasn't enough. Afterall, her stupid is one that Paradis hasn't seen before that Erwin's genius couldn't possibly compare.

"Levi," Erwin was still talking despite me having enough for the evening. "You know we had to do it."

"What, beat me up?" I almost laughed. Reputation is nothing but a curated ego. Broken bones to burning my image; didn't I say I'm ready to do whatever it takes for this nightmare to end? I could have my reservations but for now, there is only her.

"The people didn't know who to trust, especially when factions of refugees were hesitant to accept another ruler. They needed to see someone take all the blame."

"Shouldn't the Military Police get the blame? The fake royalty?"

"The Queen's police and her predecessors getting punished?" I could hear Erwin's hint of condescension. "Levi we needed the people's trust. You have our thanks for protecting the Reeves to clear the Survey Corps' image."

"I appreciate the 'thank you' that came with it, it was one of a kind." I admit, it sucked getting kicked and cut and shamed in public, but a man gotta do what he needs to do. I won't hold it against anyone, it was a decision I don't regret doing for her. To keep her safe.

"It's done Erwin, we're past apologies. Don't get soppy on me now, it makes me think less of you."

"It's unbecoming isn't it?" Erwin chuckled that I had to turn what was so funny about this situation. There he sat, raking his fingers through his greasy hair, the man aged whenever he laughed. "Sometimes… I can hear them you know," His eyes flickered at me with madness that sometimes seeped out of his skin.

"I can hear them…"

"I'm leaving," I headed for the door. "And don't let anyone see you like this."

Sorry it took so long. This was supposed to be a smut, but then again, I was thrown off by how I ended the last chapter. I heard action scenes makes people yawn, so I'm straying away from that as much as I can. It's a problem with the pacing. Again. Also I'm still deciding how I'm gonna go with the smut part. A part of me wants tender and slow and loving, a lot of emotions the other, one full of anger and passion that will end to something calm and honest and open communication. Then again, if MC found out what Levi did to keep her in her tower, she'd be furious. Like, 'dude, my man, rely on me! We're a team! I'm not to be protected, I can also protect you!' or something like that.

So to keep things 'rewarding', I'm leaning on two smut scenes until Maria retrieval: One— the next chapter, then another, at chapter 40. At least, this is what I've been planning to do. Still subject to changes of course.

To be a little more personal, things had been tough. Like... real tough. I don't wanna bore anyone with the details, but I just want anyone to know that I'm not updating just because I was demotivated or that I lost interest. I love writing, and I don't ever see myself departing from it.

Thank you for reading. You guys are seen and appreciated. :)