Chapter Three: First Date, Punishment and Perverts

Author's Note: First, I would like to say that I appreciate all of the new likes, follows and reviews. Second, I'd like to address the harem by sharing what I'd like to see in it.

I'd like to have at least one girl from the Big Five villages represented. I want the girls to either have a political upside, have a bloodline or special technique, or they know Naruto prior to him forming a harem. I'd also like it if the harem didn't exceed ten people but I can see maybe doing twelve, or maybe having concubines who don't get a lot of screen time.

If you want a girl in the harem please leave a review with their name and a reason for their inclusion, preferably the reason being more than "she's hot." The girl can be from either the manga or anime, including filler episodes.

Finally, I'd like to apologize if the beginning chapters are a little slow. I just want to establish all of the important people who are going to be in Nami no Kuni and their reasons for being there.

Hopefully I'll be able to skip forward a bit in the next chapter.

Otherwise I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Bold: Technique names (English Translation)

Italics: Thoughts

Horizontal Line: Flashback

(Scene change): Self-explanatory

Haku stood in the clearing where she had met Naruto yesterday, a picnic basket by her feet, as she looked up into the canopy and admired how the sunlight filtered through the leaves, waiting for Naruto to arrive for their date. Though neither of them had called it a date, she certainly wouldn't mind if Naruto thought of it as such. That's why she decided to put on some makeup this morning; a little lip gloss to draw attention to her lips, as well as some light eyeshadow and some mascara to make her eyes pop; her makeup was subtle, just as her one-time sensei had taught her.

"Subtlety is the key when it comes to applying makeup," Hisame told her, as she applied some eyeshadow around Haku's eyes. Zabuza had cashed in a favor from Hisame, a missing-nin from Amegakure, to teach his charge about the more feminine aspects of life.

Hisame placed the eyeshadow down on the table, grabbed the lip gloss and continued her lesson. "Just like the shinobi arts. If your enemy does not expect it, how can they prepare for it? Though most shinobi," Hisame snorted as she rolled her eyes, "Prefer to learn jutsu that can level battlefields, forgetting that we kunoichi have killed our fair share with only a smile and a blade from our obi." Hisame finished applying the makeup, walked around Haku's chair, stood behind her and rested her head on Haku's shoulder as they both gazed into the mirror. "It's why women are considered one of the three vices for shinobi; we know subtly."

"But Zabuza-sama is a master of silent-killing! That's subtle!" Haku protested with a pout.

Hisame bussed Haku's cheek. "I know, sweetie, and that's why I accepted helping him. Now let's see about getting you a new kimono, on Zabu-kun's ryō of course."

A slight rustle in the trees off to Haku's left drew her attention; a squirrel had appeared on a branch, observing her. At first, she thought nothing of it. Be a ninja long enough and animals stopping to see what you're doing becomes commonplace. They'll watch for a few seconds, and when they see that you're not a threat they'll leave and continue doing whatever it is animals do; hunt, forage, mate. The only animals that don't immediately leave are predators defending their territory, and a squirrel certainly didn't qualify as a predator. Unless you were a nut that is.

Haku held the squirrel's gaze, her chocolate brown eyes boring into its beady black ones. The squirrel didn't react, at first. But as the seconds passed by, and as Haku continued to stare at it, unblinkingly, the squirrel started to fidget. After a few more seconds the squirrel gave Haku what she swore was a nervous grin as it placed its paw on the back of its head and scratched it. Haku's eyes widened, as the name, "Naruto-kun" left her lips.

The squirrel let out a startled squeak as it dashed from its branch, scrambled up the tree trunk and disappeared into the foliage.

"You called, Haku-chan?" A familiar voice asked from behind her. Haku spun around, her hand going towards her obi, when she saw a spiky mop of bright blond hair and blue eyes that were shining with amusement.

"Naruto-kun!" She gasped, clutching her chest, her heart and mind racing. "Just how skilled is he with the Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)? Or stealth for that matter?" She wondered as she got her breathing under control.

"Are you ok, Haku-chan?" Naruto asked, sounding worried. He hoped he didn't startle her too badly. The last thing he wanted was to make Haku dislike him. Naruto watched nervously, as she took a deep breath and then flashed him a smile, but the smile didn't put him at ease. In fact, it did quite the opposite; Haku's smile was one that made her eyes smolder and set a fire in Naruto's belly. Naruto stood stock still, entranced, as Haku approached him, a slight sway to her hips. He didn't even register how close she was until she had cupped his face with her cool hands, her thumbs lightly rubbing his whisker marks.

"Naruto-kun," Haku cooed, her breath ghosting over his face, smelling of mint. "You're not gonna sneak up on me again, are you?"

It took a few seconds for Naruto's mind to process the sounds coming from her mouth, and a few seconds more to translate them into words. Then his mind had to formulate a response, which was rather difficult given her current ministrations. But with a sage-worthy effort he was finally able to stutter out; "I'll try not to, Haku-chan."

"Hmm," Haku faked a pout as she continued to rub his whisker marks. She was surprised to find that they were actual whiskers, and they were rather soft to the touch. "I suppose that's the best I can expect, from a ninja." Haku sighed as she released Naruto, suppressing a giggle as she watched Naruto lean forward to maintain their connection. Haku then took in Naruto's appearance, and noted a glaring omission; "Naruto-kun, where's your jumpsuit?"

"Ah," Naruto looked down at his new attire; a navy button up shirt, a pair of black pants and his blue sandals. He also wasn't wearing his headband, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the thing he used to keep his unruly bangs out of his eyes."That's a funny story…

"So, Naruto-kun, what have we learned about lying to your sensei?" Kakashi asked as he leaned against a tree, reading his smut, and basking in the punishment his Genin was undergoing. It was a punishment Kakashi was familiar with, having undergone it himself with Obito under Minato-sensei. In fact, one could call it a tradition, for Minato had experienced it under Jiraiya, while Jiraiya had experienced it under the Sandaime and the Sandaime had experienced it under the Shodaime.

The punishment was simple. So simple in fact it could be broken down into two steps.

Step one, take a coil of handy-dandy rope, loop said rope around your Genin's wrists and fingers-so they can't form hand seals-then tie the rest of the rope to a branch high above your Genin, making sure that they can still place their feet flatly on the trunk of the tree-then hoist them up like a pinata. Don't forget to leave enough room so that their toes are barely brushing the ground. Then, with your Genin adequately strung up, you tell them that their punishment ends when they tree-walk up to the branch. Simple enough. Then comes step two. And step two varies depending on the sensei.

The Shodaime, being a Mokuton user (Wood Release), preferred to use wooden spikes for step two, the Sandaime believed nothing lit a fire under a disruly Genin like a fire jutsu, while Minato-sensei thought kunai was a great way to get the point across; Kakashi, well he took a page out of Jiraiya's playbook and enlisted some help from his summons.

"Call off your dog, Sensei!" Naruto yelled as he ran up the tree to get away from the biting jaws of Kakashi's ninken. He made it halfway to the branch when his concentration slipped and he fell towards the bottom of the tree, and to the dog below.

"That's a shame." Kakashi turned the page of his book. "You were halfway there too."

"Yeowch!" Naruto let out when he felt the small pug dog, Pakkun, bite into his ankle and tear a strip of his pants off. "Hey! These are my only pair of pants!"

Pakkun spat out the fabric. "And I'm doing the world a favor by getting rid of such an obnoxious eyesore, brat!"

"Eyesore?! Orange is awesome, dattebayo!" Naruto yelled as he flailed about, trying to kick the tiny dog, who nimbly avoided his strikes. "Plus, what would you know, you ugly pug!"

"Ugly?" Pakkun's left eye twitched. "I'll show you ugly! Bull," Pakkun barked towards the largest of Kakashi's ninken, a bulldog, who was laying down in the shade on the sidelines, "Get in here!"

Naruto paled as he saw the large dog that was twice his size approach; drool dripping from his jaws. "Oh no. Oh, no no no." Naruto's feet were slipping and scrambling at the trunk, trying to stick to it with chakra, but to no avail as the beast drew closer-Naruto could feel its fetid breath on his backside…

A loud crunch was heard. Followed by a scream of pain that rocked the whole forest.

Soon after, Naruto completed his punishment, and had mastered tree-walking in the process. All it cost him was his pride, and the seat of his pants.

Haku had tears streaming down her face as she was doubled over, laughing. "So…so your sensei's ninken…they ripped up your pants?!" Haku was able to get out through her laughter.

"Yeah," Naruto chuckled good-naturedly. Looking back on it, he could see he was wrong not to tell his sensei what he had done yesterday morning. "Thankfully our client's daughter, Tsunami, is a seamstress in her spare time, so she had some clothes she'd made lying around."

Haku's laughter died down into chuckles, and soon into giggles. "How fortunate for you, Naruto-kun. Though I must say she chose rather well; those clothes look very good on you. The shirt really brings out your eyes."

Naruto grinned. "Thanks for the compliment, Haku-chan!" Naruto then squinted his eyes as he looked at her. "I don't know what you did, but you look even prettier today, Haku-chan."

Haku blushed as she brushed a loose bang behind her ear. "Thank you." She then lifted the picnic basket, "Are you ready to eat now?"

Naruto's growling stomach answered the question for him. Haku laughed and Naruto soon joined her.

A breeze passed through the clearing carrying the pair's laughter and tousling the hair of a shadow-clone of a certain Konoha Jonin, who was hiding up on a branch, notepad in hand, furiously scribbling notes. "Jiraiya-sama would be so proud right now," the Kakashi-clone thought.

(Scene change)

In Yugakure no Sato, an older man with waist length white hair, wearing a green short kimono with matching pants under which he wore mesh armor. He also wore handguards, a black belt, red geta sandals and a red haori with two yellow circles on each side. He also carried with him a large scroll that rested on the small of his back. Currently, the older man was sitting on a branch, a telescope in his left hand, a pen in his right and a notebook on his lap; he was gathering inspiration for his latest volume of Icha Icha by "researching" at one of Yu no Kuni's numerous hot springs.

His latest subjects of research had just entered the bath; four young women; two blonds, a redhead and one with light-gray hair. The two blonds were light skinned while the redhead and grayette were darker skinned, meaning those two most likely hailed from Kaminari no Kuni. All four were wearing towels, though he could tell by the way the towels clung to their forms that everyone but the redhead had tremendous "assets."

"Come on girls, don't be shy," the man muttered under his breath as a perverted chuckle escaped his lips. "Show Jiraiya-sama what you're working with!" Jiraiya leaned forward, his left eye fused to the end of his telescope as he watched the women enter the bath and begin to shed their towels. "Yes, yes." His pen was a blur of motion, he was writing so fast it was doubtful if even the sharingan could keep up with it. Just as the blonde with the bob cut was about to bare all…a breeze brushed past Jiraiya's nose and caused him to freeze. His telescope falling from numb fingers.

"The world has changed," he stated with wide eyes as he shot up to his feet and turned towards the breeze, unaware that his sudden motion alerted the women below him to his presence. Women who happened to be kunoichi. Jiraiya took a deep whiff. "I smell it in the air." He closed his eyes, and reached out to his greatest source of power; "I feel it in the Perv." When Jiraiya opened his coal eyes they were burning with a determination hotter than the sun. Pointing into the breeze he roared to the heavens; "Somewhere a great story has just begun!"

So focused was he on this "divine" revelation that he nearly did not notice the blue, rodent shaped fireball and three lightning balls flying towards his face. Instinctively, he replaced himself with a Kage Bunshin (Shadow-clone)-he always had one on standby in case of emergencies-then he proceeded to let out howls of "pain and anguish" so as to appease his attackers. Then he waited to see if they would follow up. Thankfully after a few minutes, nothing happened, but just to be sure he jumped into a separate tree to check the bath; it was empty.

Jiraiya pouted, a rather unbecoming look on the man. "They're gone! And I was so close too. Just a little more and I would have seen everything!" Jiraiya had what could only be described as a lecherous grin on his face.

A polite cough broke Jiraiya out of his debauched imaginations. Jiraiya turned around to see a snow monkey with gray fur crouched behind him. The monkey wore a black gi with the Konoha leaf stitched onto its chest in silver; it held a scroll in its paw.

The monkey held out the scroll. "Jiraiya-sama, a message from Sandaime-sama."

"Oh, and what does the 'Old monkey' want now, Itsuki?" Jiraiya asked as he took the scroll and checked it for the usual security seal. It was a seal that was attuned to his blood and chakra, meaning that only Jiraiya could open the scroll. If anyone else tried the results would be…explosive. Finding it, Jiraiya bit his thumb and smeared the bloody digit on the seal as he channeled chakra, the seal glowed white and then faded from the paper.

"I do not know what Sandaime-sama wants; I am just a messenger." Itsuki replied in a no nonsense tone. "If that is all?" Itsuki asked, arms folded onto his chest.

Jiraiya waved him off, his eyes consuming the scroll. "You're dismissed, tell Sensei I'll have more information after I speak with my contact."

Itsuki disappeared in a white puff of smoke as Jiraiya finished the message. "So Sensei wants to know more about the bloodline purges in Kiri." Jiraiya muttered under his breath as he tried to puzzle out Purofessā's motivation. "What's the play, Sensei, alliance?" Jiraiya snorted at the thought. "I don't see Sensei allying with Yagura after he systematically began slaughtering his own people. The rebels? Maybe." Jiraiya trailed off as he rubbed his chin, "The rebels. The 'bloodline' rebels. Recruitment? Konoha did lose a major bloodline with the loss of the Uchiha." Jiraiya shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Sensei will tell me when I've got the info for him." Jiraiya threw the scroll into the air and destroyed it with a small Gōkakyū no Jutsu (Grand Fireball Jutsu).

Jiraiya watched the ashes of the scroll be scattered by the wind. "Off to see Kaito, in Nami no Kuni."

(Scene change)

"So why did you become a shinobi, if you don't mind my asking?" Haku asked before she took a bite of some of the onigiri she made. It was quite good if the sounds Naruto were making were any indication.

Naruto swallowed his food before he spoke, Ayame-chan had pounded into him the importance of table manners; she has the dented ladle to prove it. "I became a shinobi because my Jiji is the Hokage and I wanted to be like him."

Haku feigned shock. "Your Grandfather is Hokage?"

Naruto chuckled. "No, he's not my actual Grandfather. He's just taken care of me for as long as I can remember, so I call him Jiji."

"And what about your parents?" Haku asked, though she soon came to regret it as she saw his bright blue eyes dim and his shoulders slump.

"I never knew my parents; I'm an orphan," Naruto stated sadly.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun if I had…" Haku began to apologize, but was cut off.

"It's ok, Haku-chan," Naruto reassured her with a soft smile. "You didn't know. Plus, Jiji told me that my parents were great ninja; heroes who gave their lives to protect the village."

"Is that why you want to be Hokage, to protect the village your parents protected?" Haku asked softly.

"That and also," Naruto unconsciously placed his right hand on his stomach, "I'm not exactly 'well-liked' in my village, though that is probably putting it lightly. So I want to be Hokage, because being Hokage means I would have gained everyone's respect, and they will stop looking down on me." Naruto then locked eyes with Haku, his blue orbs boring deep into her brown ones, shining with a pain that Haku knew all too well; I don't want to be hated, are what his eyes said, and it was a message that resonated with Haku's very soul.

"Naruto-kun," Haku began slowly, "I know how you feel. I wasn't 'well-liked' by my village either." Haku chuckled mirthlessly, "In fact, I was despised by my village. All for something I couldn't control." Haku reached into her kimono and pulled out her necklace, and showed it to Naruto. "This is the only thing I have left from my mother."

Naruto gulped. "Did they…" Naruto stopped. The unasked question hanging in the air. Yet both knew what he was going to ask.

"Yes." Haku nodded. Unbidden, tears began to stream down her face as memories of the day she lost her mother flashed through her mind. She remembered her mother and father arguing; the mob of villagers gathered outside her house, yelling things like "Ice-whore, mutant, freak and demon;" a sound of shattered glass; her mother screaming and then blood; lots of blood, her mother's blood, from her mother's body lying on the floor; cold; dead. Haku wanted to be hugged. To feel her mother's warm arms around her like she was feeling right now…wait?

Haku looked up to see that she was currently in Naruto's arms, her face buried into his chest; Haku's face burned scarlet.

"I'm sorry, Haku-chan," Naruto murmured into her ear as he gently stroked her hair and held her.

Haku tried to open her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Her mind was fried. This was the first time she had ever been held by a boy, and it was after he had seen her cry! "Does he think I'm weird? Is my makeup running? I didn't want to cry in front of him! He feels warm." Eventually, Haku just decided to go with it and snuggle into Naruto's embrace, basking in the comfort he provided.

Neither could tell you how long they held one another, but both would have agreed it didn't last nearly enough. Reluctantly, Haku was the first to move, as she rubbed her eyes on the back of her hand; they came away black with makeup. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, I don't know what came over me." Haku reached into the picnic basket, pulled out a canteen of water and a napkin, and started to wipe her eyes.

"It's ok, Haku-chan," Naruto reassured her. "Sometimes when you need to cry you need to cry."

"Still, it was embarrassing." Haku stated as she balled up the napkin and placed it in the picnic basket. It wouldn't do to litter now would it? She then turned towards Naruto and asked with a bright smile; "How do I look?"

Naruto drank in Haku; her cheeks slightly flushed, a black smudge of mascara was still on her left cheek, her eyes were puffy from crying, and her hair had a few strands out of place from being held against his chest; "Beautiful, Haku-chan," Naruto replied, as if he was stating a self-evident truth; the sun rises in the east, the planet is round and Haku is beautiful.

Haku flushed, then a glint of determination entered her chocolate-brown eyes as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Naruto's right cheek, dangerously close to the corner of his mouth. "Thank you, Naruto-kun" she whispered against his cheek, her breath sending pleasant tingles up and down Naruto's spine.

(Scene change)

When Naruto returned to Tazuna's house he was in a daze; his eyes were glazed and he had a silly grin on his face. He sat down at the dining room table and simply stared at the wall, not noticing Tazuna sitting at the head of the table overlooking his blueprints.

Tazuna looked up from his blueprints, saw the look on Naruto's face, then returned to perusing his blueprints with an amused chuckle; ah, young love. Tsunami exited the kitchen, wiping her hands off on a towel and saw Naruto staring at the wall with the same look. She giggled into her hand and asked, "How did your date go, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto's widening grin was his only response.

Tsunami rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Dinner will be ready soon. Could you please go inform your Sensei and teammates? They went out training and…" Tsunami was cut off by the door opening and the people in question entering the house. "Speak of the devils," she shook her head, turned on her heel and returned to the kitchen, yelling over her shoulder, "Dinner will be ready soon, so wash up."

"Hey, Naruto," Sakura greeted her blond teammate, and then she remembered where he went earlier in the day, and judging by the grin on Naruto's face it went rather well. A Cheshire grin crept its way onto Sakura's face as she sensed an opportunity to do something she hasn't done in the past couple of months; gossip. Just as she was about to pounce on the unsuspecting blond, and interrogate him for every minute detail from his date, Kakashi placed his hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezed it. "Kakashi-sensei?" She asked with a confused look on her face.

Kakashi shook his head. "Let him bask, Sakura." Kakashi looked towards his 'current' favorite student. On his first mission out of the village the blond had already scored a date with a beauty, and had gotten a kiss from her as well! Kakashi had never felt prouder as a sensei. And as Kakashi patted his hip pouch where he stored his precious Icha-Icha and his new precious notepad that his shadow-clone had given him, he had a feeling that Naruto would be a great source of "inspiration" going forward. "You can grill Naruto during dinner."

Sakura pouted as she gave a reluctant nod and went up the stairs to go wash up for dinner.

Kakashi looked fondly at his student, "Minato-sensei would be so proud."

(Scene change)

Zabuza awoke to the smell of chicken being grilled. He kept his eyes closed and maintained his breathing pattern to make it appear as if he was still asleep, an old habit that he had developed while in Kiri's Anbu. He then strained his ears to pick up any unfamiliar sounds. Usually he would channel chakra to his ears to help him do so, but with the medicine that Haku had him on, he wouldn't dare risk it, because he would explode the chakra pathways in his ears. With that cheerful thought, Zabuza focused on his hearing and found what he expected; the sizzling sound of grilling chicken, the gentle hum Haku would do while cooking and the creaks and groans of the wooden floorboards of their hideout. Satisfied, Zabuza opened his eyes and called for Haku.

Haku entered the room with a skip to her step and a glow about her that seemed to chase away the evening gloom. "Yes, Zabuza-sama?" She chirped as she sat in the chair by his bedside.

"Someone is happy," Zabuza observed, "Did something good happen?"

Haku's eyes shone as she simply nodded in response.

"And?" Zabuza asked eagerly, hoping beyond hope that her current mood meant that his plan was about to be put in motion. He could already see it now; him, Haku and the Gaki strolling into the Hokage's office and the old geezer offering them sanctuary.

"I'll go through with it, Zabuza-sama; I'll make Naruto-kun mine," Haku said with fierce determination.