AN: Just can't seem to tear myself away from this story, and damn it all if it isn't just flowing onto the freaking page. Hope you all enjoy this is... I've been wanting to write some version of the last scene for years now because it just seemed kind of hilarious from an outside point of view and I've never seen it done before. Never had an excuse before today so I guess I'll just have to see what the response is.

"Is there any particular reason you two insist on spending so much of your time here in the cockpit." Obi-Wan's dry voice tugged me out of my meditation.

I grinned and stretched. The faint thread of annoyance, exasperation, exhaustion emanating from him told me everything I needed to know. It only took four days for a group of giggly singles to frazzle the nerves of one of the vaunted Jedi. He wasn't pushing those emotions into the Force it was just something I'd learned to pick up when sensing people.

"As the Captain it is my solemn duty to make our passengers feel safe and secure. Seeing me lounging around would send the message that I don't take my responsibilities seriously." I lied through my teeth with a merry grin. "Spending most of my time here, sends the message that they are in competent hands."

"They kept giggling and cooing at me." Anakin grumbled. I leaned back in my chair to stare at him upside down.

"Anakin, the next time someone provides a ready made excuse for you; go along with it." The poor kid flushed as he recognized his fumble. Not that I blamed him for hiding out in here with me when our shifts overlapped. Poor guy was hitting puberty, having a bunch of beautiful women giggle and coo at him had to be incredibly emasculating.

Really there wasn't anything to do but watch hyperspace go by. We kept busy by running flight simulations, meditating, and swapping a few stories. I still didn't believe him about the mentally challenged Gungan being made general.

Turning sideways in my seat I gave Obi-Wan my full attention. "If they're driving you up the wall you could load a combat simulation in the turrets, get a feel for the guns. Might also use doing that as a good excuse to catch a few hours of meditation." I didn't bother pointing out that being seen as a man of action who was keeping sharp would likely make them more interested. Let him figure it out on his own.

Just the suggestion of meditating seemed to take some of the weight off of his shoulders. "I think I may. Thank you. I hadn't considered the possibility. I'm just feeling a bit cramped." Anakin nodding his head added extra weight to the man's opinion.

I rolled my shoulder working out a minor knot that developed from sitting for so long.

"Can't really say I blame you." I patted my chair fondly as I stood up to better stretch out. "Knowledge is a great ship, but I set her up for hauling cargo. Just four people is enough to make her feel full, and we've got nine."

"So why are we doing a charter flight?" Anakin asked.

"Because Coruscant is a trap for freighter pilots. It takes several armadas to keep that poorly thought out vanity project of a planet fed and not drowning in its own shit." Anakin looked confused but Obi-Wan was nodding.

"Long term round trip contracts?"

I grunted. "Yeah. Haul food to Coruscant, haul sapient waste to farming planets for fertilizer. Pay is mediocre, never mind that it's the only thing keeping the planet alive, and they try to trap you with multi-year contracts. I might take an occasional special delivery there, but get stuck in a loop like that? Never."

"You really don't like Coruscant, do you?" Anakin asked.

"I don't even like regular cities." I admitted. "But Coruscant is worse. The undercity is like Kashyyyk plus gangs, and everyone pretends it doesn't exist. The whole planet would die in a month without outside assistance. Worst of all it's the highest concentration of politicians in the galaxy."

Obi-Wan chuckled at my last point. "Back to the topic of our passengers. I would have expected someone who decries the order's stance on intimacy to take greater interest in their interest."

I grunted and dropped back into my seat not looking at Kenobi or his suddenly very attentive Padawan. "Fucking passengers is a bad idea." I hoped that being crude would put him off of the conversation.

"How so?" Of course not. Damn monks and their damn celibacy leaving them clueless and nosey.

"Bunch of rich girls on vacation looking for a passionate fling with a space faring rogue, just like in their favorite romance novel?" I grunted and ran a system check just for something to do with my hands. "Maybe they get their night of fun and are happy with it. Or maybe they decide it means they've got a chance of convincing me to settle down. Or maybe their friends get jealous and then we end up with our passengers at each other's throats." I shook my head. "If one of them came and knocked on my door the last night of the trip, or if they tracked me down before we left the planet... Otherwise? I don't need that kind of drama."

I sunk a little deeper into the Force to get a sense of my new crew's reactions. Anakin was more than a little distracted by the subject matter, but seemed honestly thoughtful. Obi-Wan was a little muddled. I got the impression he appreciated I wasn't some senseless skirt chaser, though I was pretty sure he objected to me being open to their advances at all. Honestly, I'd rather have a real relationship, but jumping around the galaxy… well it was part of the lifestyle. I could take what I could get, or go without.

With a groan I leveraged myself out of my seat.

"Go grab some privacy in one of the turrets. I need to burn some energy. Running laps should give them something else to giggle at for a while." Throwing fuel on the fire might not be my best idea, but I wasn't going to spend the whole trip in the cockpit. "Anakin, if you want to get out of that chair later you can use the same excuse of practicing with the turrets."

"Just a different chair." He grumbled.

"You could also hide out in the engine room, or your cabin. I've got plenty of stories and shows on the ship's computer. Grab a data pad and relax."

He hummed an agreeable note before pulling up another combat simulation on his console. Shaking my head, I followed Obi-Wan out into the rest of the ship.

{}{}{}{}

Three hours later and Force enhanced muscles were starting to flag, my stomach was starting to rumble, and my nose was starting to complain. I hit the fresher and then the pantry for a bag of dehydrated citrus fruits before moving to reclaim my seat.

"You know if you eat that you'll ruin your appetite." Kenobi's voice called from the galley as I passed.

"That's the idea, mother." I called back over my shoulder. "With your cooking it's a miracle our lovely passengers haven't demanded a refund."

"Ha, Ha." Was Kenobi's deadpan retort. His cooking was alright. But It wasn't anything amazing either. I'd grab my dinner later, but right now I wanted a snack to hold me over.

"Hey, Anakin. Want some?" The startled teen yelped and jumped in his seat almost dropping the data pad he was reading from. I raised an eyebrow at his sheepish grin and shook the bag of dried fruit in front of him. Gamely he grabbed a few pieces for himself.

I very pointedly did not think about what he might have been looking at to prompt that sort of reaction. I instead reran some standard checks while I munched on my snack. It was ten minutes of silence before Anakin spoke up.

"John?"

"Yeah." I mumbled around a yellow ring of fruit.

"If I had, uh questions, about um…"

I bounced my forehead off of the console. "They never gave you the talk, did they?"

"Uhm, they gave us a talk? But it was uh…"

"No, no, I remember that talk. Bare minimum explanation of what's physically involved? You cannot be blamed for your hormones, but you are Jedi, you are above such things?"

"... yes?"

"Damn your master, and the Order in general…" I contemplated the merits of having him ask Kenobi, of sending him to a whore, and of just letting him draw conclusions from whatever he'd been reading when I came in. Kenobi being a celibate monk disqualified him. Being underage, sending him to a whore was out, and would give him entirely the wrong idea about romance. Aaand whatever he was reading was either shameless porn, or porn pretending to be a romance novel. Never should have bought that bulk deal entertainment download. Sure, it had a bunch of classics and generic crap, but the "little bit of everything" the salesperson pitched included a lot more smut than I'd bargained for.

With a long suffering groan, I gave in to the inevitable. "Fine. Later though. We'll ditch Obi-Wan after we land, and I'll give you the drugs and alcohol talk while I'm at it. I wasn't kidding when I said it was best to have that talk after a couple drinks. Damn Coruscant, buying up my entire stock." I grumbled and put more energy into chewing than was strictly necessary.

"...Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Ever. You need to know this shit, and somehow,I'm the best option available. In the meantime, don't take whatever you're reading as realistic."

He stammered some sort of denial, mumbled an incoherent excuse, and took off… right into the room where at least three pretty young women were watching a romantic comedy. I shook my head and leaned back into my seat. With any luck I could catch a short nap before someone came calling about dinner.

{}{}{}{}

Knocking on the fresher door came just as I was finishing brushing my teeth.

"Just a second!"

Opening the door, I was only a little surprised to find the blonde named Sela standing outside in some rather suggestive sleepwear. They always seemed to wait till the last couple nights to work up their nerve. Unless they were the kind to ask the on the first couple nights of a trip. Still, best not to presume.

"Sela, all yours."

"I actually already used the fresher this evening, Captain." She stepped in closer. "I was hoping you could help me with something else?"

Yup. Always the last night.

{}{}{}{}

I smirked as Sela's shapely backside swayed down my boarding ramp, a smirk which only grew when she turned back to give me one last smile before she exited the docking bay. Stretching my arms up over my head I turned and headed back into the ship.

Settling in at the mess's tiny table with a cup of tea I was met by a stern faced Obi-Wan.

"The entire Galaxy opened up to Force instruction… and you are the role model to which they will all aspire."

I let the contempt wash over me. I was in too good a mood this morning, or early evening by local time zone, to let him guilt trip me for giving a lady exactly what she wanted. Scratch that. He couldn't guilt me about that no matter what mood I was in.

"You know if you and Anakin weren't sharing a cabin you might have gotten your own visitor?" I savored my drink and Obi-Wan's sputtering. "Kira really had her eye on you, not sure if it was the beard or if she had a thing for older gentlemen."

"I am a Jedi Knight!"

"You're missing out." I countered glibly.

"Do you have no regard whatsoever for the position you are in?" He demanded. "Countless potential Force users are, or will be, learning from you. They will be modeling themselves after you. The image you give them to follow could be the difference between the Dark or the Light sweeping across the galaxy!"

I took a slow sip as I raised a single eyebrow.

"Feel better with that out of your system?"

"Do not try to deflect me, captain. This is a serious concern!"

With a sigh I placed my cup on the table. "Look, some of them might emulate me to one degree or another, but any adults? They've already developed into more or less the people they want to be. The teens and kids? They've got families and other role models. I might have an impact, but I'm not going to be the only guiding star they base their lives on."

That caught Kenobi flatfooted for all of a second before he nodded incorporating that into whatever worst case scenario he had been building in his mind.

"Beyond that my private life has nothing to do with the impression of me they'll get from a bunch of lectures given over the holonet." And yet this line of thought gave me an idea about how to keep him off my back while Anakin and I had a conversation we were going to hate.

"Look. You're concerned that mine is the only opinion these people are going to have as they learn to use the Force, right? So why don't you make a video? An inside perspective on the Jedi order."

"Well, I don't, I'm not sure that the Masters would approve." He deflected

"So talk it over with them. Give them a call. But first… Hey, R3!"

There was a slight delay before the little green and white droid rolled into the mess.

"Yes, boss!" The chirpy female voice that Anakin had found for my droid just drove home how hard puberty was hitting him. And no, the fact R3 liked her new voice did not make it better. At least she didn't sound like a protocol droid.

"Start up a recording, would you?"

"Yes, boss!" Her head spun a little to center on me as I slid over to sit next to Obi-Wan. "Action!"

"Hello again to all of you! I had something else planned, but considering most of you are probably still learning to sense the Force without an hour of meditation this shouldn't really slow down your progress. Please say hello to Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. He and his Padawan tracked me down, and essentially invited themselves onto my crew for a while. Against my better judgment, I agreed to take them on. We'll see how that turns out. More importantly to all of you my new morality officer feels that I'm not the best influence on impressionable new Force users. I disagree, but I'm in a good enough mood to humor him."

"So," I clapped my hands in front of myself. "Assuming he gets permission from the Jedi order he'll be giving you an insiders perspective on them. I've got issues with them, but there's no reason you all can't form your own opinions based on different perspectives."

Turning away from R3 I faced Obi-Wan.

"Try to keep the video under an hour, keep your audience in mind, and if you need help editing R3 is pretty good at it." The little droid reverted to electronic beeps that sounded just as cheerful as her new voice. "Aaaand cut." Downing my tea, I got moving before Obi-Wan snapped out of his surprise.

"Come on Anakin! We've got business to take care of!"

"Coming!"

We were out of the ship before Obi-Wan got his head around the concept of being responsible for trying to win over a bunch of nascent Force users to the Jedi's way of thinking.

{}{}{}{}

I poured Anakin and I each two shots worth of the local specialty. Finding an out of the way bar where I could slip some of the bottle I'd ordered into his glass had taken a bit. I'd been damn serious when I said this was best done with alcohol on hand.

"Right let's start with the easy shit while you sip on that. Alcohol is a drug, and a poison." Anakin eyed his glass like it might bite him but I just nudged it towards him till he took a sip and grimaced at the burn. "It's a good way to relax, and in moderation it won't do much harm, but the key word there is moderation. Me? Two or three drinks is all it takes to loosen up. More than that?" I held out my hand and tilted it side to side. "Sometimes, but I don't like to leave myself too impaired."

Anakin tilted his head obviously working through that before nodding and taking another cautious sip.

"Drugs in general are more dangerous because a lot of them are addictive." I glared at the kid. "Leave that shit alone. They'll suck in the unsuspecting or the desperate who just want to feel good... and then sooner or later they take over and that's it. Though I'm sure you saw some of that on Tatooine?"

Anakin grimaced. "Spice addicts. The Hutts liked to sell it... It wasn't pretty."

I nodded and took a sip of my drink. "Then I don't think I need to say anything else on the subject. Which leaves us with what you really wanted to ask about."

Anakin flushed and gulped some of his drink on reflex. Not the best call considering he started coughing. I laughed and took another sip of my own drink before I started talking.

"Alright so first big question. Do you like girls, guys or both? Not judging, just need to know."

"Girls." he muttered. No surprise there, but it never hurts to double check.

"Best way I've ever heard it explained is that most species females have three holes, and most species guys have three things they can put in said holes." Anakin's face lit up in a brilliant red, and we were only just getting started. "Most people have issues with a few of those combinations. And there are a few extra options girls have, hands, breasts, but those are the basics. Assuming no one brings any toys to the party."

Anakin sunk into his chair as if he hoped it would swallow him whole. With a bit of alcohol in me this was actually proving a little amusing. Especially because the kid had done this to himself when he asked. I drummed my fingers on the tabletop trying to get my thoughts in order.

"At your age, you shouldn't be thinking about that though." He blinked and sat up a little straighter in his chair. "Well, no, that's not quite right. You're almost fifteen, hormones are going to make sure you're thinking about it." I shrugged. "But if you find a girl to go on a date with at your age, you're not going to get laid. Probably be lucky to even get a kiss." I teased. "When you get older, don't rush your relationships. Just let them develop naturally."

Significantly calmer now, Anakin was actually looking curious.

"Now, I have no idea how Obi-Wan would react to you going on a date, but you've got some room to get around him and meet girls right now so pay attention. First rule of dating is that no means no, in any context… Ok there's one exception, but don't worry about that." He looked confused, but nodded along. So nice of the Jedi to train kids to never question things. Especially because I was not explaining kinks to him. He could damn well trawl the holonet for trashy fantasy fulfillment stories written by sexually frustrated perverts if he really wanted to know.

"Let's see, general stuff, general stuff… Dating outside your species is fine, no matter what the xenophobes say. A person's character is more important than species, and there are always orphans in need of a loving home so being able to have kids isn't a huge issue. You're going to make mistakes. Best thing you can do is learn from them and move on. Don't pressure girls to do anything they aren't comfortable with… Uh, oh. Much as I hate to sound like the order, don't get too attached to anyone you know you aren't going to see again." Anakin gave me a confused look at that. To which I could only shrug.

"Have fun, make some memories, but keep in mind that knowing someone a few days or weeks isn't really enough to decide if you should spend the rest of your life together. Especially not at your age. With how I bounce around…" I shrugged. "Not a good environment for a teenager trying to wrap their head around dating. Hell, it's not a good environment for anyone who wants to date." He frowned, but made some kind of agreeing grunt.

"What else, what else… there is no such thing as an average dick size, so whatever you've got be happy with it." Anakin choked on nothing. "When you are old enough for sex remember to always use protection… Romance novels, or vids, porn, erotic novels, all that crap? None of those are realistic examples of sex or romance. All of that shit is made to appeal to an audience, so don't take any of it at face value. Masturbation isn't some kind of crime no matter what the order told you. But I swear if you leave sticky stains anywhere on my ship, I'll make you wash the entire ship with bleach." I trailed off trying to think of anything else. "I think that's the major points."

I downed the last of my drink.

"Questions?"

Anakin was once again flushed red and shook his head.

"Fantastic. If that changes, talk to me again. Otherwise? Finish your drink and let's get the hell out of here. I'm way too young to be giving anyone this talk." Hopefully I could just put this out of my mind and forget the conversation ever happened. Fucking hell, corrupting the younger generation was supposed to fun not awkward.