Chapter 21 Soundtrack:
1. Bittersweet: A Lofi Beat Based On Solanum's Theme - Outer Wilds
2. What Makes us Human - Halo Infinite
She wasn't angry. She was just disappointed.
Which was somehow far worse.
Rogue shared a shaky glance with Sting, who appeared far less restive as he held Natsu down in a crouch behind them.
The itch and twitch of sweat was seemingly absent from Sting's brows, "Oh, h-hey babe! Sorry about that, yeah, that was a uhm… surprise gift… for Orga. Must've gotten loose."
Yukino said nothing.
Her presence was as mousy as it always was, her feathery heft barely sinking her into the couch cushions.
All that had Rogue shuffling and flexing clammy palms. Even Natsu seemed jittery behind them, hunched over awkwardly to stay out of sight.
It was not fear that they felt, not exactly, and not of Yukino herself in any case.
Because Yukino had gone to the Lisanna school of being upset.
There would be no growling, no glares, no glowering behind a cloak of flaring magic.
All three dragon slayers would greatly prefer that. That flavor of feminine anger was familiar.
This flavor had no anger at all. Because she wasn't mad, she was just disappointed.
Yukino eyed Sting and Rogue's suspiciously close proximity, but before her tender gaze could trail downwards to spot a third pair of feet, Rogue blurted, "Yes, yes! That. That is why we are sneaking."
"Really? You are not sneaking out in the middle of the night to train after I've asked you two not to?" he despised just how much Yukino sounded like she wanted to believe him.
"Yep, really. It got lost cause you know us, we be in situations. We are uh, displaying behaviors, and acting in ways." Sting was much calmer.
"But uhh, it looks like the jig is up, huh Rogue? Don't that just suck, nothing worse than when the cat's outta the bag."
Rogue nodded frantically, "It's as bad as when the fat lady sings."
"Nothing worse than that, that's like when playtime's over." Sting added.
"It's a feeling only matched by when the ship has sailed."
"Yeah, that's like having the beans spilled."
"But I suppose it's time to face the music."
"Especially when the news is out."
Yukino held up a hand, clotting their tetchy rambling in an instant. A soft noise, horrifically soft, swelled in the base of her throat as she deepened her stare.
It was as demure as a puppy whine, yet as graceful as a dismayed pigeon coo.
The look, the sound, the creased expression that befouled her gentle beauty, it was a combination that dwarfed any display of anger.
Sting and Rogue shriveled, as her message was clear.
They were not being the person Yukino knew they could be.
The tearing in his chest had Rogue crumbling, gasping out as he staggered away, parting from Sting to reveal the concealed Natsu.
Natsu timidly waved, his usual excitement to see her a weak flutter on his lips.
"Okay, okay, we are being dishonest! I'm very sorry, that was never my intention!" Rogue panted as he doubled over, fingers digging deep into his knee caps.
Sting had been strangely lacking of the effects of the disappointed Yukino stare, but even he swayed back and held his chest.
Guild master or not, it was an unacceptable thing to do to be dishonest to Yukino.
Yukino had transcended who she was after being kicked from the guild by Jiemma, but she chose to continue acting the way that she did.
She chose to speak softly. She chose to give people the benefit of the doubt. She chose to use the monstrous strength hidden beneath her to be gentle.
Yukino would live her life just as Lisanna did.
With kindness and compassion, no strings attached.
To be dishonest with that was a sin.
"Yep," Sting said tightly, "s-sorry, we uh…"
His arm spasmed in a vague gesture towards Natsu, "The uhh… f-favor… remember?"
Yukino had not heard a single word either of them squeezed out. She had shot to her feet the moment Natsu had been revealed.
Swan white brows curled, and that dirty worry on Yukino's face became filthy.
A sight none of the three men wanted to see.
Natsu couldn't move. Yukino's gentle gaze made it impossible to.
She took a step forward, and Natsu broke into a pouring sweat.
She took another and he began to cough and babble nonsense.
The knowing genteel in her leaf brown eyes would break Natsu just the same as Sting and Rogue.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Natsu's desperate hands flung out to grab Sting and Rogue and yank them into a huddle, hunched over and heads bowed.
"G-guys, I-i dunno wh-what to do, I-i mean, what'm I in for?" Natsu rasped, wide eyed.
Rogue peeked out of the huddle to find Yukino patiently waiting for their antics to come to a stop.
He swallowed thickly as he leaned back in, "A hug for starters."
"A forehead kiss is a safe bet." Sting croaked as he reached out to wring Natsu's scarf of sweat and lake water.
"Possibly a grilled cheese," Rogue warned.
Natsu's knees wobbled as he gulped.
"One cut diagonally." Rogue continued.
"And you know she'll get you right with some tomato soup." Sting said.
"W-with th' golden whales in em'?" Natsu whimpered like a guilty dog.
Sting and Rogue gave solemn nods as they both ruffled his hair, saying goodbye.
"Guys I'm gonna fold." Natsu squeaked, the twins able to hear the worn tendons in his knees giving.
"Onetwothreebreak!" Sting said suddenly.
"Wait, wait, wai-" Natsu was spat out from the huddle, and right into Yukino.
Yukino's lithe arms were strong as they circled his torso, her head of sterling hair a perfect fit for the scarfed home beneath Natsu's chin.
Sting and Rogue had squeezed tight, as if the hug was for themselves, to prove Natsu was really there.
Juvia had held him in a way that let him know she was aware of how delicate she was to him.
Yukino held him like he was the delicate one. Something worth being protective over.
Natsu's arms had just settled around her in return when Yukino parted, soft hands coming up to hold his face in a way that made his scars stop hurting.
Her check over was swift. Surgical.
Thumbs brushed against the hidden bags beneath his eyes, fingers inspected the length of his wilder than ever salmon bangs, and hands gave his stone biceps a test squeeze.
Yukino looked him up and down, frowned softly, before she held out a hand half a foot from his cheek.
Just like the hand Sting had offered, just like Lisanna always was, it was enduring and patient.
It waited and waited until Natsu slumped in defeat and leaned in.
It hadn't been all that scary grabbing Sting's hand, even less so nuzzling his way into Yukino's palm.
Yukino's frown twisted, shaking the worry from her face as she gave Natsu a tender smile.
He needed sleep, a bite to eat, and maybe a haircut. But he was here.
Natsu had come and gone earlier today so fast that fact had not set in until it was too late.
Now she had been given another chance.
The first time he had come back after his father's death, Yukino had squealed like a little girl and launched herself into his arms. But in the end, she had let him go.
Now, the world would have to pry Natsu from her cold dead hands.
"I'm really sorry for the trouble Yukino, I just wanted to see how strong they had gotten." Natsu mumbled, eyes fluttering.
Yukino said nothing, her throat thrumming with a hum as she ran the velvet pad of her thumb over Natsu's cheek scar.
The affection sapped everything from Natsu, his fight, his quiet, his unease, and the energy in his muscles that kept his shoulders square.
So much like Lisanna.
Too much like Lisanna.
But still very much distinct to where Natsu kept some ounce of will tucked away in his back pocket.
"Okay," Yukino eventually said, glancing at the twins for a moment, "I'll pack you and the boys lunches. I'm no Minerva when it comes to cooking, but I'll do my best."
All three dragon slayers perked.
Under any other circumstances that called for a round of high fives and chest bumps.
"Natsu honey, walk me back to the main hall," Yukino began as she looped both of her arms around one of his, "Sting, could you please go get the turtle out of my bathroom?"
The gentle request had Sting straight as a board, "Yes babe."
Yukino turned to the still keeled over Rogue, thin powder brows furrowing as she quickly averted her gaze, "Rogue, sweetie, please go put on some pants."
Rogue looked down at himself, still clad in nothing but his custom made Frosch themed boxers, and nodded obediently.
Yukino hated looking at his and Sting's scars. They did nothing but hurt her heart.
The ten to fifteen pounds of muscle they had put on, fine by her, and Minerva, but neither woman was pleased when a new scar joined the gallery.
They had a lot more these days, nowhere near Natsu, but they were rugged looking to say the least.
"Sorry for the disturbance Yukino."
"Yeah, sorry babe."
Yukino waved away the twin's apologies and softly shoo'd them away as she pulled the pliant Natsu towards the steps that lead down into the main floor of the library.
"Meet us in the main hall when you are done boys," she announced as she passed them before looking up to Natsu with a wide smile, "you're my escort Natsu, keep away all the wow goblins, okay?"
Natsu's fangs gleamed under the demure lamplight, that determined grin Yukino never wanted to leave his face flexing the dimples that were smothered by scar tissue.
"Aye sir!"
Sting and Rogue watched as Yukino led Natsu down the stairs, quickly disappearing into the Sabertooth's thicket of towering bookshelves, their smitten chatter barely able to crawl back to them.
"Every time, a puddle at her ankles-"
"You planned this," Rogue cut Sting off, his own fangs carving the words that came from his mouth into something accusatory, "you wanted to wake her up. You wanted her to see Natsu."
Sting scoffed, "So?"
"That's overkill and you know it. We've already put him through the ringer, he's already tired from the things we've talked about and you just threw him to… to her." Rogue said.
"You know how much she's cried over him, you know ho-"
It was Sting's turn to interrupt, smacking his lips, "Lay the hell off, Natsu had a panic attack on our guild floor jackass, if we are going to go spar then I'm making damn sure he's in the right space."
"You of all people should agree with me on this. I'm being careful." Sting reasoned impatiently.
"Do you think it's easy for him to open up to us?" Rogue hissed as he stalked up to him, the inky weave of his shadows strangling every last glimmer of light from the loft, "Do you think he isn't emotionally exhausted after all that?"
"His reasons for keeping things to himself didn't magically fucking manifest from thin air Sting."
"I'm aware." Sting grunted dismissively.
"Oh, do you? Fighting might be the one thing he really has left, the one thing that will still feel right, but instead you just threw him to the one of the two people he can't-"
"Name one other person you think could help him more than us right now. Lisanna ain't here, so go ahead Rogue, give me one name." Sting challenged, "Give me one other person who has always understood him, who isn't currently in the process of unscrewing their head from their ass!"
"That is not what I'm talking about," Rogue retorted, "you thinking we have one shot at this is not an excuse for you to try and get him to spill every last thing in one go. He's had enough of this for one night."
"So the alternative is not letting Yukino see him?" Sting asked, "With how much she's hurting knowing he's hurting?"
"Oh, so now you're against keeping Natsu from people?"
"Fuck right off with that Rogue!" Sting hissed at his twin's snide.
"I'll tell you what Sting," Rogue began, a sweep of his hand motioning to where Natsu and Yukino had gone, "tonight, when Natsu leaves, Yukino will cry herself to sleep,"
Rogue stabbed Sting's pectoral with a harsh finger, "and you get to listen."
Sting was knocked from the argument, and he staggered two, three, steps away, rubbing his face into taut palms.
After a moment of deep thought, Sting muttered, "Still waiting on that name."
Rogue had no answer. It was a reasonable point.
"I'm not against her talking to him," Rogue admitted quietly, "but he needs time. Alone time. To process everything. If we are humoring his desire to keep all this contained, then what logic is there in getting someone else involved?"
"Because Yukino already is involved, because every time we catch her staring we know damn well who she's thinking about. We might as well let her add a woman's touch to all this." Sting rationalized it in a way that broke apart the surface of Rogue's scowl.
They held each other's softening glares, watching them flake before they looked away, as if singed from each other's ire.
"I see where you're coming from." Rogue mumbled on an off beat.
Sting threw up his shoulders, "I'm tellin' ya, his protective instinct has him putty at her feet. It's been like that-"
"Sting, that isn't-" Rogue held his eyes closed and he shook his head, "that is not why Natsu is so smitten. Him running into her that night she was kicked out isn't irrelevant, but that is not the reason."
Sting did not have the patience to let the dubious note in his twin's words linger, "Don't be vague."
Rogue turned to leave, head still locked in the direction Natsu and Yukino had gone. The shadows that smothered the lamplight retreated slowly, coming back to choke Rogue's voice.
"She's nice to him."
Sting leaned in expectantly, but quickly realized that was it.
That was the 'secret' to keeping Natsu 'well behaved'.
That was the leash that kept the 'feral dragon boy' in his pen.
A secret most only thought Lisanna knew.
"That's it." Sting whispered to himself, piping eyes falling dim.
"She doesn't yell at him. She doesn't hit him. She doesn't call him names or belittle him or tell him to shut up all the time." Rogue continued to rasp, "She talks to him, she listens to him. She's happy to see him, happy to hug him."
"Whatever people call him, whatever he really is, she does not care. Because she is his friend, and Yukino knows how to be a friend."
Sting watched as Rogue slipped away into the dorm hallways, taking his pit of mourning shadows with him.
He stood there, angry. Angry at so many things and so many people. Himself most of all.
It had been that easy.
The bar had been that low the whole time.
Yet they still failed.
"I gotta say, you had those two dialed in Yukino, you're playing with house money these days, huh?"
Yukino looked up at Natsu with a bashful smile, sheepishly playing with his sleeve, "Well I don't enjoy bossing people around, but thank you sweetheart."
"Training hard with Minerva every day, being friends with Lucy, with Lisanna, it all adds up I suppose."
Cutting through the pan-optic pitch black of Sabertooth's library aisles on their way back to the main mess hall, Natsu let her hold onto him as they walked, a guiding bundle of dragon fire purring atop a finger on his free hand.
Yukino's worried yet ginger prodding led into Natsu explaining the favor he asked of Sting, then to Gray's fight with Mira and Erza, then to Sting's take on that and the advice he gave.
They were barely half-way through the library.
"How true that is, because you went from being so mousy to chewing on Sting's face." he giggled.
Yukino's pinkened cheeks puffed, "Natsu!" she gave an appalled gasp as she bumped his hip with her own.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Natsu yelped, his face curling into a coy grin of his own, "I know I don't have no room to talk after bargin' in like that, ruining the moment n' all, I just think it's wild to see ya so outgoing. It's rad!"
"Again, thank you Natsu, but you didn't ruin anything, I promise you," Yukino assured, face still warm, "you thought I was in… danger… and you rode to my rescue. Like I know you would."
"Still, Sting kinda got the short end of the stick, to be honest I kinda didn't even understand it was him until I was moments away from cavin' in his face."
"I know you've probably already apologized to him. It's water under the bridge sweetie.." she dismissed his worry.
Natsu's head, permanently ducking down at her mere presence, bobbed slightly.
"You and Sting, Rogue and Minerva, tomorrow's double date will be fun, huh?" Natsu said.
Yukino tilted her head, "Tomorrow?"
Natsu searched the affectionate twinkles in her russet eyes for a moment, finding her confusion to be genuine.
"Everything okay Natsu?"
Natsu nodded again, "Oh yeah, uh nevermind, I was just kinda thinking about it, about you guys."
"I'm really happy for you Yukino, about everything, about bein' with Sting. I'm real sorry I wasn't here to see it, or see Rogue and Minerva."
"I promise you Natsu, Rogue and Minerva, that took quite some time." she giggled, "Even I barely had the patience for that slow burn."
Natsu blinked like an owl.
"Uhh, okay, how about you n' Sting then? I may know nothing about this stuff, but I'm kinda curious how that happened."
Yukino withdrew in on herself, "Curious?"
"Yeah, I mean Lis always pinned you two as a thing. Thinking 'bout it now, I can kinda see it." Natsu said.
"O-oh, you wouldn't be interested in that, I promise. It was quite boring really." Yukino cleared her throat,
"Very long story."
Seven months ago…
Yukino had been kidnapped.
Some imposter had replaced her so that his dark guild could get away with her scott free.
Rogue had dragged that imposter to the basement and come back wearing what was left of him on his scarlet soaked knuckles.
When he and Rogue got back, there would be a body to dispose of, but for now, Sting would find those who had taken Yukino and cherish ripping them limb from limb.
Rogue had found out the dark guild, a dingy trafficking organization, had at least three locations.
The first one had been cleaned out by somebody else, the inhabitants skewered and butchered with surgical precision by some unseen force.
The place had been freezing cold, but other than that, it was a dead end.
The second one Rogue had headed off to, leaving Sting with the third location.
They split up, both silently hoping they would be the one to find Yukino, to have the pleasure of skinning those who took her alive.
No Dragon Force, they agreed. They would make it slow.
Every scratch found on her porcelain skin would mean a broken bone. Every bruise meant a lost limb.
Anyone who tried to defile Sabertooth's silver rose would die screaming.
Sting kicked open the decrepit doors of a rinky-dink shit hole guild hall tucked away in a marsh, turning them to dust.
Inside he found there was nobody left conscious enough to make scream.
A storm had blown through this dark guild, half the joint scorched and blackened, the other half smothered with unconscious bodies strewn about the floor.
Yukino stood in the middle of all of it, disheveled, battered, panting, and more than ready to keep folding anyone who tried anything, the magic sealing cuffs on her wrists be damned.
They made eye contact, and Yukino dropped her airtight defensive stance, groaning with relief. She barely swayed, her injuries shallow at worst, and steadied her breathing.
Sting looked upon the clinic she had put on with awe. Unarmed, without magic, she bulldozed her way through an entire dark guild in close quarters, using their magic against them to inadvertently obliterate half their ranks.
These weren't random jobbers, Rogue had found out this dark guild may lay low, but were considered among the more dangerous operations around at the moment.
Yukino evidently, didn't care about that.
Sting looked back to her, to that battle angel that wore proof she had waded through hell to cleanse it on her slender form.
The metallic silver silk of her hair framed her darling face in a halo despite it all, and in that moment Sting had never seen a more beautiful woman, or a more fearsome warrior.
Rogue would've swept her up into his arms, all soft coos and reassuring rumbles.
He would have hidden her protectively beneath his cloak and his shadows to keep her from the world, waiting weeks before he stopped growling at any man that got near her.
Sting meanwhile wondered why his pants felt so tight as he stood in the busted doorway like an idiot.
"I have feelings for you." he blurted.
Yukino's already flushed face whistled like a tea kettle as she squealed.
"What!?"
"What!?"
"It's even more boring than Rogue and Minerva sweetheart, trust me." Yukino promised with a shy smile that was far more familiar of a sight to Natsu.
He believed it's timidity blindly and shrugged, "Well, still, I'm super happy about it."
"I know you are Natsu." she acknowledged, untangling an arm to soothe down some frayed salmon hairs on the back of his head.
"Oooh! Does Lis know about this? Luce? They'll be stoked!"
Yukino winced and shook her head, "N-no, I haven't told them. Your guild had so much going on, and I haven't gotten to see Lucy in a while, and-"
"I mean, heh, that might be for the best, they'd probably start plannin' the wedding. Lis has probably already called dibs on bein' that godmother thing."
"W-wedding?" Yukino quickly lost herself to rampant daydreaming until she felt Natsu's fingers dribbling her lips, giggling.
"Hellooo? Yukino? You in there?"
She sputtered and batted his hand away gently, "Hmm? W-what? Did you say something?"
"Yeah, I was sayin' how Lis has proba-"
"Lisanna! Yes! Her!" Yukino latched onto the topic of her best friend as if to drag herself out of the hole her mind just fell into.
"I-it's, umm, scary to think about where I would be today, uhm, with… without her, you know? She is truly everything I aspire to be."
Natsu stared at her for a moment. Bless his heart he gave it a go at trying to understand what just happened.
"Huh?"
Yukino continued to nudge the conversation a different way, "Lisanna, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to return Sting's interest if it was not for her. I would not have known what it felt like to have confidence again."
Natsu's eyes softened with pride. He was silent for a few moments, before, to her surprise, he skipped their usual trading thank you's.
He would tell Yukino he could never repay her for being a true friend to Lisanna, and she would tell Natsu that she was the one in debt to him for introducing her to Lisanna to begin with.
That exchange always ended with Natsu pointing out he had nothing to do with it.
He was just happy Lisanna had a true friend, because as much as he tried to rationalize it, tried to make it seem there was no way his family could allow such a thing to happen, the simple fact remained.
Lisanna, for all her serenity and understanding and compassion, was lonely.
Siblings she refused to bother and burden any further, a guild that liked her but never realized she was in the room, and a childhood friend who had a lot more people in his life these days.
She accepted this as she did all things. With grace.
They first met when Lisanna used the fact that she and Yukino look so much alike to swap places at that ball after the Dragon King Festival, giving Yukino time to escape from all the guilds fiending for her membership so she could properly enjoy herself.
This time, Natsu said nothing of that.
"Hey, hate t'ask," his smile fell, "but, you wouldn't happen to have seen or heard from Lis since the war, would ya?"
Yukino's own grin fell with Natsu's, "Beyond the party for Lucy's book, no, I haven't. We did not get to talk, there were just so many people there… and she was busy."
"Was Hap' with her?"
Yukino's frown deepened, "Well yes, but-"
"How did he seem? Lis too, were they doing okay?"
"Natsu-" Yukino huffed softly, unlatching herself from his arm to slide in front of him, stopping Natsu in his tracks, "I-i… I want to talk to you about that. Not about asking me how they are…"
Natsu would've been shuffling uneasily if it wasn't for the sight of Yukino's conflicted expression turning his feet to lead.
Her voice was still the audible blanket it always was, but this time, the blanket felt thinner.
"You leaving again, Natsu, it was not… I mean, leaving Happy, leaving Wendy, leaving Lucy…" Yukino stared down at her own laced hands, "you know I'm in your corner no matter what sweetie, and you know I'm-I'm not upset or angry with you, but…"
The fire in Natsu's hand shriveled and howled.
The dying heat allowed Yukino to steel herself oddly enough.
Being cross with Natsu was an impossible task, but she reminded herself that her tough love was not the same as what he was subjected to by his guild.
She forced her shoulders up, and rose to meet Natsu's eyes, knowing full well she was going to have her heart broken.
Because now she had to get onto the man who had broken himself saving everyone's future.
"Natsu, leaving without so much as a note, it was a bad thing you did." she stated.
Natsu was unreadable as he stared down at her, watching her bunny doe eyes, always so soft, always so tender, look back up at him with iron.
With something firm in them she hadn't even flashed Sting and Rogue.
"You left, and I watched Lisanna spend that entire party covering for you because a lot of people wanted to know where you were." she said, "You left her in charge of keeping everyone's spirits up like you do, without you."
The lightless library somehow got darker, so dark that Yukino wondered if it was Rogue eavesdropping.
"You are lucky Lisanna is the one person in the world convincing enough to cover for you for this long." she said.
It was just her and Natsu, standing in a cruel black void, with nothing but weak flickers of fire on his fingers to keep them both from being devoured by it.
"I-it's not fair," Yukino croaked shakily, "to you, it's not, and you can't do anything about it right now. It never is, and you always put up with it. You are always the strongest person in the room when everyone is at their weakest, and right after the war, that's who you were. Then you left."
"I can't even begin to imagine what you had to do to get us home, what the war put you through. I know that you had every reason to leave Natsu, I understand that, I do."
"But sometimes, you can have every reason to do something, you can have all the right to do it, but it's still not the correct thing to do." Yukino told him.
Several times she wanted to reach across the narrow distance between them, to placate, to assure, to soothe him with a touch.
Yukino kept looking into the nothing in Natsu's eyes, desperately trying to stow the heartbreak and affection long enough to say what she needed to say.
"The rest of your guild, they might not understand why, I get it, but Happy?" Yukino tilted her head, "Lucy? Wendy?"
"Natsu, do you really think they wouldn't understand if you needed time? Do you really think this is all it would take to shake their faith? You want to keep them from worrying, but how is leaving without a word any better?"
All valid questions Natsu said nothing in response to.
"You left Happy with his mother, you left Gajeel to take care of Wendy, and you know the guild will look after Lucy. But you still aren't there." Yukino pointed out.
"Over a year ago, Wendy lost her mother. Three days later she lost her big brother. Her number one fan, her loudest supporter, her most patient teacher and her fiercest protector. Now she's fought in a war, and now this is the second time big brother has left her."
The color from Natsu's face slowly crept into his scar crevices. Yukino watched the fire on his fingers tremble.
She somehow managed to keep pressing.
"And Happy, I-i mean, where do I even begin?" Yukino scoffed softly, "You could decide to walk into the gates of hell tomorrow, and he would be right there with you, without question."
Her eyes trailed down to the lump in his duster, where she knew his wallet lay, where she knew he kept a picture of his family in the grass hut tucked away at all times.
"Lisanna has told me the story of the day Happy was born more times than I can count, it was the best day of her life. She tells me when he hatched from that egg, you, Natsu Dragneel, were the first face Happy ever laid his eyes on."
The fire on Natsu's fingers hiccuped, and so did he.
"You are his world Natsu, and the games of pretend you and Lisanna played as kids are no longer pretend." Yukino looked back up to him, "You-you scratched, you clawed, you worked so much harder than everyone else to make it that way."
"Maybe you can keep them in the dark, but Lucy? Sweetie, when you get that close to a girl, in that special way..." Yukino fidgeted with her pajama buttons as she shook her head, to herself more than at Natsu.
"She will figure things out by herself, and she may come to conclusions you don't want her to."
The bundle of flames balanced on his fingertips shriveled to where they couldn't even see their own feet anymore. The darkness would've swallowed them up easily if Yukino hadn't held up his shaking hand with her palm.
His fire stopped sputtering shy colors and sizzled its way back to burning with thick ruby and yellow ribbons.
"Despite everything, it's still you," Yukino sang like a dove. Natsu let out a whispery snivel and shuddered.
Yukino squeezed his hand, "and if it's still you, which it is, then that responsibility still is too."
"If you need time from that, you are entitled to all the time in the world. Next time remember," Yukino's soft laugh was a clink of tiny bells, "we may not be as strong as you, but we certainly aren't weak. We can shoulder your share of the world while you rest."
"It's scary, putting your strength down, I know Natsu, I know," she murmured, feeling the dragon's warmth begin to swell beneath his rough skin.
The strength he used for everything he did.
The strength he used to protect and love and live and laugh.
There was just so much of it.
Yukino felt his bones shake as his body churned out yet another exhale, "Because you don't know if you'll be able to pick it back up again."
Natsu was out of breath, ash eyes looking to her smaller hand that held his own up, then to her resolute expression that drew soft lines across the gentle contours of her face.
Yukino stood there and let him search her, as if figuring out just how strong she had become.
He was quiet, in awe, in exhaustion. Only one of which he could admit to.
Yukino had acquired strength, so as far as she was concerned, if Natsu wanted to, he could borrow as much as her's as he needed.
"Next time, you need to do good by Happy and Lucy and Wendy and your guild, and tell us when you need help setting that strength down. It is unfair, it is scary, but it is right, understand?" Yukino asked.
Natsu was enduring, even now, even lost and confused and desperately in need of a place to rest his head.
He had been talked to all night, about things he was not good at talking about, from people he wanted to keep from worrying. Yet he had hung onto her every word.
His stubborn defiance could win wars, yet it was nowhere to be found when she told him he had been wrong for leaving after winning one.
"I understand." Natsu croaked, his voice scraggly stone to her ears.
Yukino beamed at him, fussing with his scarf and straightening his collar underneath it.
She opened her mouth to apologize, to remind him that he made a mistake, a bad one, but she was not angry at him. She never got the chance.
"But you're wrong Yukino."
Yukino couldn't stop from blanching.
Natsu grabbed her hand and looped her arm back around his, resuming their walk to the main half, but not before correcting,
"You guys are way stronger than I am."
Yukino's eyes widened when flicking the switch to the overhead lights of the main hall revealed some thing she wasn't entirely sure how to describe.
"Natsu sweetie, what is that?"
"Me and Sting founded a new country."
"But… that's a fort, made out of tables and chairs."
"Yep, pretty rad, ain't it?"
"When did you have time to do that?"
"While we were waiting for Rogue. Finding rollie-pollies out back got kinda boring."
"So, a new country, this quickly after the war, in this part of the kingdom, at this time of night, localized entirely within my guild hall?"
"...Yes…"
"May I see inside it?"
"No."
Yukino stared at the amalgamation of furniture for a moment, "Could you please go take it down and put everything back?"
To his credit, this was pretty tame compared to the usual trouble he got into with Sting.
Natsu stared at his creation longingly before he sniffled and saluted it goodbye.
"Yeah," he sighed, "the country was doomed anyway, no exports."
Yukino rubbed circles across his back, reassuring, "You would've been a very good king sweetie."
He had once more rummaged together a jovial mood after the talk in the library, but something told Yukino Natsu had been doing that all night.
"Oh, Sting was the king, I was something called 'head of areg'-no wait, 'argo'-nope that ain' it, uhm… 'agriculture'," Natsu eventually clarified, "he said I was there to take the fall if anyone found out about the cover up."
"Cover-up?"
Natsu looked her dead in the eye, alien in every emotion but remorse.
"Me and Sting had to do things we aren't proud of to get that nation off the ground."
"Well that's nice, could you be careful putting the circular tables back? Those are from a limited fall collection, I don't want them getting scuffed." Yukino replied without a missed beat.
Natsu broke out into a grin, "Oh yeah, sure!"
Yukino followed him as he spun around and sprinted towards the stairs leading down to the main hall, gently admonishing him to be careful when he slid down on the smooth stair railings.
He would've blazed past the corner of the bar if an elbow didn't knock into a messy pile of old newspapers mid stride, sending them scattering to the floor.
"Oh crud." Natsu winced as he crouched down to hastily clean up the mess.
Yukino was quick to pad down to help, "Don't worry about it, Rufus likes keeping them, he fancies his crosswords. I've told him not to be so messy." she assured as she bent down to gather newspapers that had been accumulating since the war.
Their tidying was silent save for the crisp crinkling of paper, Yukino stopping when she picked up the most recent newspaper.
She frowned at the main headline and the accompanying picture, it was about Gray's scuffle with Erza and Mirajane early in the day.
Yukino shook her head, she understood it was a big deal but they had gotten this out lighting quick, inflammatory head line and all.
Gray had broken a cycle that had festered for far too long, and Yukino just hoped Fairy Tail could come out of this an even kinder guild.
Lisanna would certainly have her hands full with this when she came back from wherever she was.
It was likely Rogue and Sting would have… stronger opinions on this whole ordeal.
They probably knew better than to air them out in front of Natsu, but at the same time how much did it contribute to their bickering that they tried so hard to hide from her and everyone else?
Credit to them, they ran such a tight ship that not even Yukino knew what exactly was taking so long to iron out between them. They were fresh wrinkles, and Natsu was the cause of a few of them, she knew that much.
She understood giving them space to argue, she understood that there would be conversations she wouldn't be in the room for, and she understood that with this added to the pile Sting and Rogue would need more time than ever to sort it all out.
Sting was working them to the bone, and Rogue was letting him.
Yukino would be there for her boys, patient, wordless, keeping the intuition Lisanna had helped her hone in check for just the right time.
She had been replaying every childhood story only Lisanna could tell, listening closely to the new ones only Rogue seemed interested in sharing, and going through memories of Natsu only she herself had.
Yukino was no longer feeling so patient, her pillow was soaked with enough of her tears.
Yukino came out of her own little world to find Natsu had fallen into one of his own, having not made any progress on the mess at their feet.
Down on one knee, he stared at the newspapers around him, the toppled pile stacked with papers weeks, months, years old.
Eyes blank, expression slack, Natsu took in one head line after another, and what little gaiety he had managed to get back after her lecture in the library might as well have been left back there.
His staring didn't stop. She wanted it to stop. She wanted the empty gaze to stop right now.
"Natsu honey, it's no biggie, I'll clean up here. Why don't you get started taking down your little fort?"
Natsu looked up, and right through her. He gave a ditzy nod, hefted himself back to his feet, and lumbered away without a word.
He silently took to disassembling the furniture fort, leaving Yukino to look at what had done that to him.
One by one she plucked the papers up, reading their headlines for herself before tucking them in the crook of her arm.
'Acnologia defeated; humanity bests dragons! The dragon's reign of terror is over!' read the edition a day after the war's end.
'Fiore wins the war, staves off Black Wizard's forces of Alvarez. Zeref's four hundred year blight ends!' read the edition a week after that.
'Dragons and demons gone, humanity left to allow civility amongst themselves as peace talks with the Alvarez Empire begin.' this one was another week later.
From there the newspapers jumped backwards in time.
From the announcement of the war, to the Fairy Tail guild disbanding and the demon guild of Tartaros' path of destruction, all the way back to the Dragon King Festival and the dragon swarm that plagued the earth for one night under the blood moon.
Again and again, humanity defeated the evils thrown at them, whether they be the mindless dragons or the wicked demons.
The age of dragons was over, for good this time surely, and the demons, from the book of the Black Wizard or not, weren't meant to exist to begin with.
They were hideous stains upon the purity of life, wretched abominations not deserving to walk the same planet as mankind.
After Tartaros, after Fairy Tail's disbandment, that's what the world decided demons were.
Yukino had been there to see what the world decided of dragons.
Acnologia perished in his Fairy Heart jail, caged in by the power of mankind across Fiore.
An ancient thoughtless beast of an archaic time was slain by humans.
Sure, something had come from the crack in the heavens beyond the stars, spreading fire and glitter out into the cosmos to stop its quaking and rid Earthland's skies of those strange swathes of magic.
Yes, as everyone scattered across the city in a desperate attempt to construct the Fairy Heart, Acnologia was left distracted, being beaten and battered around the skies by some unseen force.
But it was the power of humans that won the day. When the dragon slayers fell from the sky, and Natsu turned out to be okay just as he always was, that was what was decided.
Yukino had been there to hear that decision, to hear the cheering declarations of how Acnologia had underestimated humanity's strength and their bonds.
Bonds a monster like him couldn't understand.
Natsu had been there to hear that too, from his friends, his family, his guild.
It took three days of carrying his guild with a torn out heart after his father's death for Natsu to finally leave.
Acnologia had been slain in the afternoon. Natsu was gone long before midnight.
The war was over, Fairy Tail was going to move on like it always did and leave everything in the past.
Yukino didn't know what new conclusions Fairy Tail had come to since then, if any at all, about Zeref and his demons and his book and his evil. About Acnologia and dragons.
Natsu didn't know either.
All he knew is that humanity cheered as those strange stars in the sky burned out, because the indomitable human spirit showed the monsters of the world they weren't welcome.
Larcade's nonsense that spewed and spewed until eventually they were able to use it to piece together the truth was ironically the least sore bruise the war had left.
Zeref was Natsu's older brother, and Natsu was a demon from the Black Wizard's book.
The conversation Sting and Rogue had after the war about that was short.
'So Natsu's a demon and Zeref's his brother…?' Sting said aloud one day.
'And?' Rogue had replied in an instant.
Sting had shrugged in response, and Yukino was sure they never talked about it again.
Not with each other, and certainly not with him tonight. They had all agreed to not speak a word of it.
It took her until now to realize how big of an oversight that was.
They didn't know how much Natsu knew, beyond that fact he certainly didn't remember Anna or being raised with the other dragon slayers. He wouldn't have left if he did.
Yukino wanted to ask someone, anyone, she'd settle for no one; just what had the war done to Natsu?
Yukino finished gathering the papers and rounded the bar counter to loudly dump them into the trash can where they belonged. She'd buy Rufus a crossword book tomorrow.
The newspapers weren't what had Natsu fall quiet, he cared not what the world thought of him, but they did bring him back to the day the war was won just as they had for her.
The day he protected his family's future only to listen to them cheer and celebrate and proclaim it was the humans that were all that was good and mighty.
Yukino had no doubt in her mind Natsu thought they had every right to say that.
He said nothing about that then or now. Why would he?
None of this was new.
He had always been a wild animal. Always dangerous and destructive and reckless. Always in need of humbling and lessons in being civilized like everyone else.
Up until his guild was cold of course, then he was the campfire. Once they were warmed up though, back to being the same old feral dragon boy.
"H-hey," Natsu croaked from across the room, having made quick progress on dismantling the fort in silence, "why did you throw those away?"
"Because they are garbage," Yukino replied, "all of them."
Natsu put down the table he held over his head, clearing his throat, "Huh?"
Now was the time to be up front. Maybe it was for her just as much as it was for him, maybe it was cramming too much into so little time, but Yukino truly believed he needed to hear this.
He had already come to her. He had put his strength down the moment he lowered his head into her palm.
Yukino gave him a look enveloping a promise and an apology.
Just one more tough talk.
Then he could go play with his brothers.
"Everything they say, everything everyone says, it's all garbage." Yukino proclaimed.
Natsu had taken to a confused stare as he idly began unlodging a chair from the mish-mash of birch furniture.
"What they say about 'monsters'. About humans and dragons." Yukino lowered her voice so that it bounced off the floor the same way a feather would.
"About demons."
Natsu jolted. He snapped back with a chair in hand, robbing the fort of a crucial piece of support that had it collapsing in on itself.
Yukino flinched at the thunderous noise.
Natsu tripped and stumbled over the newly scattered stools, chairs, and tables. He spluttered, paler than she was, as he ducked away from her gaze and took in the mess he had made.
It was pathetic. He looked pathetic.
No idea what table to overturn first, which stools to upright, he stood in a graveyard of wood completely lost.
Yukino crept towards him, but weight upon one wrong floorboard squeezed out a low creak.
Natsu's eyes snapped to her in a panic.
She knew.
He knew she knew.
Larcade had told them.
Natsu was eyeing the guild doors behind him with beady eyes one moment, staring hard at one of the main hall's support pillars the next.
Yukino followed his gaze to find the pillar in question smeared with finger width trails of ash, a hand print scorched deep into the maroon grain.
"Natsu please," she begged with a voice even more feeble, "if I have to get down on my hands and knees I will, please sweetie; Just. Listen."
Yukino swallowed, forcing emotion down so that composure could come back up, riding on the rising tide of bile in her throat.
Natsu gave her his full attention, no more errant skittish twitches.
"It doesn't matter, it's never mattered, and it's certainly not your fault-"
Natsu thrashed his head back and forth, shaking the feebleness from his frame, "No. E-everything went the way it did because of me, I-i got nobody t'blame but me Yukino."
Again and again he tried to speak only to cut himself off with a growl, sneering in disapproval at every last sentiment Yukino could have possibly expressed with what few words she got out.
Yukino had made a beeline for him, and to her surprise Natsu paced towards her too as if to meet in the middle.
"Natsu, how can that possibly be true?" Yukino said, whining as Natsu picked up an overturned table and brushed right past her with its base over his shoulder.
He went back to cleaning his mess with renewed vigor, shooting by her from every which way, lugging or carrying furniture back to their rightful spots.
Yukino had to swivel again and again on her heels to keep track of him, being drip fed with brief passing exchanges from an irate Natsu.
"I had a choice to make Yukino, I had to choose between two seeds, and I just didn't care." Natsu began, effortlessly heaving a stack of chairs he had constructed back to where they belonged.
Yukino sucked in a breath, "Wait, seeds, like t-the dragon seed? Like the boys have?"
She went unacknowledged as Natsu stomped by, two stools under his arms, "It didn't matter, I-i mean I was out of the fight and I needed to get back in. Getting everyone home, protecting the future, that was the job, that was always the job!"
Yukino could only stand there, even more lost than he had been.
"It didn't matter, everyone else did, so I didn't care!" Natsu kicked in the one of the two remaining towers of tables, catching the tables that came plummeting down before they could crash against the floor, "Whatever I needed to do to protect everyone, I was game. You knew that. Everyone knew that!"
"Natsu slow down, you're not making any sense."
"Whatever I had to do, whatever stinkin' pieces of me I had to use in whatever way, I was gonna do it Yukino. No one else! No one else was gonna go!" Natsu continued to rave as Yukino tried to approach from behind, "That's why I trained, to be ready to do whatever it took because I didn't care."
"Didn't care that I could never have been human, didn't care what Dad wanted for me-" Natsu stopped, turned, saw Yukino was right behind him and the last tower of tables had wobbled its way into an untimely collapse right onto their heads.
Yukino saw it too. She could let them all slam right into her face and all it would do was make her bed head slightly worse.
Natsu knew that. He didn't care.
He pulled her against him, tucking Yukino's slighter frame beneath his arms and chin protectively to let the tables bounce harmlessly off his shoulders.
He pulled away from her when the commotion had run its course, gave her a once over, and went right back to work, "-and I certainly didn't care what would happen to me."
Natsu slowly pieced Sabertooth's main hall back together, planting stools and shoving chairs back near their respective tables.
"It's nice, i-it's new, hearing everyone tell me how great they think I am tonight, but I don't see how you can sit there Yukino and say that it's not my fault when so much is. You were dead on back there, calling me out like that."
Yukino snapped her eyes away from her newly reorganized guild hall to find Natsu standing a few aisles away, unpacking the very last stack of chairs.
She hadn't finished dissecting anything Natsu had just said, but threw words over his way regardless.
"I don't need to know what happened with Acnologia, with-with… with your brother," Yukino cringed as Natsu snarled at nothing hearing those words, "to know that everything you did was to protect us."
She winded her way through the aisles to get close once more, knowing this time Natsu had no excuse to keep his distance.
"You gave us everything. It's as plain as day. Those parts of you, they were seeds, right? Natsu, that was your opportunity to find peace with yourself, and instead all you thought about was how you could use those parts of you to protect us."
"Exactly, it's my-" Natsu was cut off when Yukino plucked a chair from his hand and shouldered him back away from the table it belonged to.
"No, sweetie, listen!" she admonished softly, "I don't know how this turned out for you, I don't know exactly what you are now, but guess what? I don't care either."
It was Natsu's turn to flinch when Yukino all but smacked the chair's legs against the floor, kicking it over to the table, "Because I know that it didn't matter what the war threw at you, you were going to give everything you got to get everyone through it."
"So you Natsu, are going to look me in my eyes," soft thin fingers gently gripped his chin and held it in place, giving Natsu no chance to duck away from her stare, "and tell me how that, how this, is anything other than torturing yourself? For what? Because you protected everyone?"
Natsu squirmed like a cockroach under the tender heel of her gaze.
"What of anything can possibly be your fault? You are not at fault for what he did. I may not know much, but I do know that." Yukino murmured as Natsu's face stopped struggling against the cage her fingers constructed around his chin.
Bitter shoulders wilted lower and lower, Natsu finding that keeping his tension, his posture, to be a fool's errand under the sound of a murine voice speaking steady words.
"L-luce, Happy, Gray, t-they think that I-i'm not… it… anymore. The book is gone and he's gone a-and I thought I-i didn't care and I don't, and I'd do it all again and I wouldn't have to think about it for a second-"
"Do you honestly think that they'll care either?" Yukino interjected, "Remember what I said back in the library?"
She let go to let Natsu weakly bat his head side to side, "N-no, I mean, course not, it's just another thing for them to put up with. I know that, in spite of it, they'll still love me."
He sounded sure. Not resolute, but sure.
Yukino felt her tongue shrivel in disgust as she echoed, "'In spite?'"
"Natsu, get this through your head," she chided, "you are not the demons that attacked your guild and you are not the dragons that attacked the capital or the country!"
Natsu did not raise his voice at her. He would never, but he did growl at the ceiling and turn away, barking in any direction not her's.
"What I am is the reason he did what he did! Everything he did n' everything he became," Natsu swiveled back to face her, the iron branding heat in his voice plummeting, "all me."
"You don't think so but I can't see how ya can't, because his goons burned down Erza's village and sold her off to slavery, his demons killed Gray's family, took Ur from him, attacked my guild, and his plan to send me to the future took Lucy's mom from her." Natsu rambled.
The bitterness not natural to him was gone. Shame had taken its place, yet looked just as unfitting.
It was heavy. Heaviest it had been. Yukino could tell.
"Eventually, they all go to Fairy Tail n' t-they get a second chance at happiness and-and… and there I am… to give them nothin' but trouble." Natsu looked up at her, flashing a weak smile and even weaker laugh,
"They just can't seem to get a break from me, huh?"
Yukino's eyes burned as something in her chest tore and since she had no pillow to muffle her cries like she did every night, her palm would have to do.
Natsu had already brushed past her by the time she cracked, presumably to finish with the chairs. She turned to find him slumped in one.
Yukino had rubbed and rubbed at her face, leaving her cheeks too red hot with friction for tears to settle, and swiveled to find him staring down at his lap.
"I thought it didn't matter, but when everything was said n' done… I-i… didn't know how to look anyone in th' eye after a while." he croaked, fingers drilling into his kneecaps, "They already felt so delicate, I'd already caused them all so much fuss, already made so many messes…"
"I was never what anyone wanted me to be," Natsu croaked, looking over his deepest hand scars, "but at least I looked like the Natsu Luce had always known, at least I wasn't…"
He sniffled to himself, "at least I wasn't some… monster."
Something hot, scorching, seared the tear in her chest back together.
This was new, Yukino found, this was anger.
This was not prayers sobbed into a pillow, it was that feeling, seeing him again upstairs, but so much stronger.
Somewhere along the way Natsu had stopped to listen to the noise of the world and the people in it, for better, and for worse.
He tucked away his stubbornness and let people mess with something they didn't understand, poison him with a type of insecurity and doubt his heart knew better than.
Even now, he knew better, more than ever he knew better, but because it was himself in need of grace, Natsu and his wise heart were clueless.
He couldn't look back to the man he had built himself up to be, the man that was still there in the most important ways, to deal with these fears the war and his guild and the world had left him.
Natsu was becoming so good at taking care of others, but he had no idea how to take care of himself.
He had so much to learn from Lisanna, and Yukino had found one of the few things she hadn't taught him.
Lisanna hadn't taught him this so the world and its people had stepped in for a lesson of their own.
They had taught Natsu how to hate himself.
The fear and doubt and insecurity Natsu had bested all his life, so thoroughly that most people wouldn't even think they exist, had slowly become an obstacle he had no idea how to overcome.
He had so much to learn from Lisanna, and Yukino had found one of the few things she hadn't taught him.
She yanked a chair over and sat down facing him, knee to knee, and cleared the sorrow from her throat.
Natsu refused to look up. What she thought was the squeak of chair legs scraping across the floorboards turned out to be him.
"The good we decide to do, the people we chose to be, that's what matters more than anything." Yukino murmured slowly, leaning in so her voice had nowhere to go but his ears, "We've seen dragons show compassion, demons show loyalty, and humans who do nothing but hate."
The tremors racking the rough terrain of Natsu's frame came to a stop as a soft hand covered his shaking fingers, intertwining them.
"I won't tell you how to feel about your brother, I won't pretend this will fix everything, but let's take a look at the person you decided to be, shall we?" Yukino kept the bridge their hands built over the tiny chasm between their knees steady.
He hadn't put all his strength down, Yukino concluded. He was still clinging to a little bit of it, too scared to let go.
That was okay. He could keep it. He could be scared. He could be unsure.
So many put their strength down around him, he deserved grace when it came to putting down his own.
Yukino lowered her head. Then pressed it against his.
"One look. You took one look at me that night." Yukino put the memory out there, "I was all alone, kicked from my guild, and all it took was one look for you to decide I was precious."
She would always remember how he came back from his fight with Sabertooth, asking her if she had any place to stay only to not let her finish, grabbing her wrist and pulling her along with him.
She had hid behind him as he stood in the lobby of Fairy Tail's assigned dormitories, listening to him bear the brunt of judgement from his guild mates for his behavior without a word before turning to Makarov to explain she had been kicked from her guild and announce she would be staying here.
Makarov had silenced the rest of the guild's scolding to announce she was their guest for the foreseeable future, and she was to be treated with the due care and respect.
Her life had been different ever since.
"You decided in a moment I was something worth protecting, worth waging a war against an entire guild by yourself, worth looking after for everyday after that. What monster does that?"
Natsu kept sniffling. He was waning, putting more and more weight against her, squeezing harder and harder around her fingers.
Yukino let him. She was strong now. She could take it.
"That's the person you chose to be. You made your choice, in spite of everything, and he made his. Demon, dragon, human, it doesn't matter because the things that make you, you, have nothing to do with what you are."
The monster in the Black Wizard's book, the end of all stories, the destroyer of all, so many titles, so many stories, endless layers of shroud to cover up a truth no one really knew.
"It didn't matter what they call me, because I'd throw it all away." Natsu murmured, "I'd be all of it, I'd be none of it, if it meant gettin' protecting everyone, I'd be a monster."
"You did protect everyone." Yukino reassured. She felt something warm, wet, drip against the back of her hand.
The dripping continued, a glistening stream sliding out from under the curtain of hanging bangs that concealed Natsu's eyes.
He didn't need to speak loud. His words roared like thunder all on their own.
"I don't wanna be a monster anymore," Natsu hiccuped, "I-i don't wanna be a wild animal, Yukino, I wanna feel like me again."
Yukino was out of her chair before another tear droplet could fall, jumping onto the table ledge next to where Natsu sat.
Careful hands, strong and soft, pulled a head of pink bristles snug into a pillowy lap.
Natsu did not cry, but he did shed tears.
That flowing glitter that came from Natsu's face soaked the fabric of her pajama pants. Yukino drew him in tighter in response, a hand gliding down his back, fingers exploring a salmon thicket of wiry hair.
"You're not a monster. You're Natsu. Always have been." Yukino cooed, "We don't love you in spite of you, we love you because you're you,"
"And Natsu sweetie, I think that's worth all the love in the world." she proclaimed.
Natsu whimpered. Sniffled. Wrapped his shaky arms around her belly to squeeze tight.
He stopped clinging to that little bit of strength, and started clinging to her.
It did not matter how drenched her pajamas got, Yukino would let him, even as her affections shushed his noises and left him silent.
Turns out, all it took to bring him down was being told he was worth being loved.
She was no Lisanna, but Lisanna had made her strong enough to have faith.
Faith that he would be alright, that she could let him go, at least for a little while.
Because she knew she had put a little hope back into the campfire that kept everyone warm.
That may be a drop in the bucket for Natsu, but there wouldn't be any more drops if he didn't learn to give himself grace.
So, just to be safe, Yukino would keep him right here for as long as Natsu wanted to stay.
Natsu was a lucky man. He knew that.
After all, there was nothing he had done to deserve a friend like Yukino, who stroked his hair and held his head to her belly like Lis would do.
It was warm here, warm enough to pretend that he and the wild animal were two different things, just for a little bit, just until the voices in his head got louder.
No attack, just voices.
The attacks faded, the voices were always there.
First it had been his own.
Then Lisanna's.
Now it was him.
Natsu hated him.
'You were always a kind child,'
Natsu hated his voice, his calm voice, worn down to a smooth drawl after centuries of solitude.
'Before Fairy Tail,'
Natsu hated the lonely pride and shame that would boil into his words, breaking the bitter cold his lips danced with.
'Before Igneel,'
Natsu hated his mauve eyes that would flicker with a familiar onyx every time he fought against his curse.
'You were not a stray, lucky to be out of the rain like you say, you were a little boy with the kindest heart.'
Natsu hated how he spoke of the world they lived in as if it were pages of a storybook.
'You knew to play gentle with mother,'
Natsu hated his soft earnest as he talked about a life Natsu didn't remember.
'You knew to save the roughhousing for me and father,'
Natsu hated learning just how much he wanted to return to that life.
'And when mother got pregnant again, when you found out our baby sister was on the way,'
Natsu hated that through all his sins, his longing and his pain left Natsu wanting to learn about that life too.
'You were so excited Natsu.'
Natsu hated the feelings he left him with, hated the things he forced him to do.
'Only four, yet so ready to love on her, protect her, you were so ready to be her big brother.'
Natsu hated that he didn't know how to feel other than this hate, if it truly was hate.
'You never got to be her big brother, yet here you stand as a new creation, just as big a heart, just as eager to protect.'
In the end, there was one thing Natsu hated most of all.
'If this guild really is your family, then that never should've been in question,'
Natsu hated just how much his big brother had loved him.
'For I know better than anyone just how kind my baby brother is.'