Shae Mcphae slouched under the flickering, singular lihgt post outside of Wastwar Nevada, a fedora cocked on his head at a fashionable slant, e-cig planted firmly in his plump lips. He leaned against the light post and vaped, watching the motorists passing through, those unforntates that were about to witness the bleakness of Wastwar for themselves, if even only for a little while. Westwar was a small town, it's only claim to fame it's proximity to the Grand Canyon. There were no cool bars or open mic nights in Westwar, there were no itellectuals, no cyber cafe's where one would hone one's intellect and network all at a time.
Shae was a free thinker. Westwar didn't like free thinkers and so Shae did his best to spend as much time as possible outside of city limits. He would pretend, if only for the space of an afternoon, he was free of the vile little burg that had spat him out. He had never asked to be born, and he had certainly never asked to be born amidst a dirge of cretins and small minds. But that was the short straw that fate drew for him on the day he came into the world. The day he came into Westwar.
He fantasized about escape, to Seatle maybe, or Montreal. Instead of making money he made plans. Self agrandizing fantasies cosplaying as plans at least.
His brain was full to bursting with schemes and plots but his bank account was just as barren as his head was full. And anyways, he didn't even know how to get to Seatle from Nevada yet becacuse he'd never even been. For all he knew Seatle was nothing but a dream. A beautiful, alluring, dream.
But little did he know his life was about to get a whole lot more interesting. There on the horizon, he could make out an approaching figure. She strode forward, coming from somehwere out in the desert, not the ill kept road. Even from the distance, and it was far further than he realized, he could tell she was beautifull. Beautiful but wrong, somehow, as though her figure didn't cut against the light blue sky in the way it should have.
Shae reloaded his e-cig so he could vape an especially impressive cloud when the girl was finally in range, checked his hat to ensure it had kept its jaunty angle, made sure his fly was up.
The mysterious girl continued to approach, but just then he was able to make out something strange at her side. Travelling alongside her appeared to be a tiny version of herself. Their identical mops of brown hair bounced with each step they took and Shae at first assumed that the biggest figure was average size and the other was a dwarf or possibly spider monkey with a lot of makeup and a wig on.
Males think of sex once every 29 seconds and the strange women were a good 10 minutes walk away still. So byh the time that they had arrived Shae had, with only a corner of his mind, barely aware he was doing it, imagined up several lewd scenarios involving apes dressed as people. When Giga Granger and Hermione Lion Heart finally came within casual shouting distance and Giga sallied forth a , "well hey there," as she passed, Shae had been distracted by thinking of an orangutan dressed like April O'Neil from the Tennage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all the dirty things he was doing to do to it. Because of all that he was startled when Giga Granger said hello.
Shae shouted in surprise and fell back on his tuckus. A beast made of light emerged from his chest with a resounding roar, it looked like the first gen pokemon Electabuzz but was made out a foggy ethereal material not unlike mist, but magically concentrated and concatenated. It looked a lot like a patronus, Hermione noted with circumspect dispassion...
Giga Granger curled into a defensive postion, being a composite being, swarm like, she was able to shape shift and she formed into a perfect sphere, for protection, like a turtle. But the time child was no pussy. She ran up to light-creature and sent it a rousing blow on the chin, just like she had done to Voldemort, ages ago. But that had been a different life time, and she was so much older now, at least she felt that way. Her heart had been broken, mended and torn resunder so many times that she had lines of care etched on her rosy young contenance.
The light-being disaperaed with a faint "bubububububuuuu" noise. That's when Shae regained his feet. The LightTabuzz, as he thought of it, had always been around to protect Shae when he needed it or, in this case and mayn others actually, when he just thourgh he needed it. He was no in real danger.
After everything had been straightned up Shae agreed to show the girls into town. Once he was sure that they didn't want to kill him and wear the skin of his face as some sort of grotesque sexual role play he figured it wasn't a big deal to go back into that horrid little town one more time if only to show his new friends around. But the TIME Child had ulterior motives, she didn't jsut only want to get out of the desert, she wanted to find out more about this mysterious charming boy and his odd patronus?
All round town she could barely take his eyes of of him. He walked without the usual swagger that she felt suffocated by at Hogwarts, but instead with a clipped, urgent pace. She became entranced by his gait and was seriously aroused. But she decided that just had to wait for later.
"Nice light beast back there," she said, casually, looking at him uder her slited eyelids. He didn't seem off put and she relaxed a little, but not a lot.
"Oh, sure, that, that's nothing," Shae said, and blew a vape electabuzz of blueberry and chai latte flavored vapor, but without the nicotine, Shae was no stupid junky or anything.
"...god damn," Hermione sighed, she couldn't believe the skill with which he manipulated that strange sweet fragrance and assumed he was a wizard of the highest order, woo-ing her with his scented unctions and smoking – powders,. England had passed a law banning vapor smoking and vapor products so she had not even seen the kind of 'rig' which Shae sublty flaunted.
The time child desperatly wanted to connect with Shae on a more personal level when Mecha Granger 20-30 reminded her that they were very much late for the plane ride back to Hogwarts. The combat droid didn't have to also mention Giga Grangers unusal size which would not commode her to a wqir travel well. No plane was big enough, and they all knew it, but the farce must go on...
After a light meal at the local subway Shae went back to his parents house and Hermione and Giga Granger and their mechanical pal, Mecha Granger 20-30, wound their way lazily down the near empty streets of Westwar. The sun was sinking and with it's passing so past the citizens of the sleepy little midwestern hamlet, early to bed, early to rise, was the word of the rule around here. But the Hermione Squad 3 were new to town and they didn't have to get up early to milk cows and tend to chickens like this insignificence muggle hicks, or like Saturnalia and her destitute twin with bizare hair,6 Hermione. Giga Granger was especially tall, and when Mecha Granger 20-30 mentioned in passing a graffiti strewn brick pizzaria her fondness for Banksy, the immemorable british street artist and graffiti provacatuer exteme. That's when Giga Granger decided a plan.
She was so tall she could reach up to the talled building in Westwar, the local hotel, which was hemmed in all both sides by a church and it's accomapnieng grave yard so the hotel had not been able to expand outwards. It wasn't like they could dig up a bunch of corpses or burn down a church so the hotel had neccesarily been small on the horizontal scale. But what it lacked for in shoulder room it made up for in head space in spades because it was so tall.
Giga Granger sprayed an intricately seriffed and stylized -'`*`'`*`HERMSQUAD3'`'`*** on the south facing side of the 11 story structure that drafted the quaint little down and could be seen for miles around. Hermione Lion Hearted felt a tear gusting out of her corners and blinked that away from her eyes. This was a really special moment and she was so glad to share it with her newest best friend and her oldest best friend, "I guess we really are, aren't we?" She decided for them as they strolled into the hotel to check in for the night, "I guess we really are..."
Quarter past three a sharp crack sounds in Shae's small apartment. He slouches up only half alert at first. Going through the motions. But by the time his feet hit the floor his all the way awake and well on his way to pissed. He needed sleep, not an inopurtine ass whooping that would be warranted when some fooldhardy dumbstroke broke his window. But all that turned to ashes in his mouth when he saw who was waiting for him on his front lawn..
Anyways, the three Hermiones sure had along night a head of them, with their desperate need to book a some sort of transport back to their beloved school... before it was too late. They also had to catch the train before they missed that as well. Everyone in the tight, yet tall room knew that if they missed the train then ever it would be too late to get there in any sort of time. Hermione reflected on her many journeys through time through her "Time Child" persona and didn't talk much, focused on eating, chips with guacamole dip and drinking a cold diet pepsi cherry. Mecha Granger 20-30 told Giga Granger about how Kraug became paralyzed.
But in the meantime, they watched, and they waited. They also, like their mysterious new friend, made plans. Here follows one such;
Mecha Granger 20-30, with her precise mechanical logic decided the best way to get back would be either to call the plane and see if they can still swing by and pick them up or have Giga Granger, with her tremendously long legs, stride brazenly across the ocean all the way back to their stormy little home island of fog and vapors. It was an ill humored choice, but one they mustn't ignore. Eventually they decided to just text the pilot and then crash and see if they thought of something better the next day. They didn't really feel like paying for the hotel, as long and gangly as it was, so they hadn't gone up to the clerk yet and paid nad decided it was best that they vacate the room as soon as possible so they could dip on the fly, UK style...
Giga Granger didn't know exactly what the tastes of her new firneds were and wanted to be accepted so she was careful to be obseint and sychophantic as possible. That was why the Time Child didn't point out what a terrible idea that Mecha Granger had had. The girl with the lion's heart was easily persuaded, as if pushed down a diagonal hallway of her distant home dimension in which the paralyzed sneak dissing traitor Kraug had conquered the world with magic because of an unusual altercation with time.
So that's why Giga Granger, Hermione Lion Hearted and Mecha Granger 20-30 didn't find out about Shae's amazing night until the very next morning when he spilled the beans over kippers and smoked bacon, bits of tangerine and grape fruit splayed about the tackily bespoke table for all.