Mr. Malfoy goes over to Hogwarts when Albus calls him up and tells him that he's packing the gravity bong and he just got a twelve pack.

Normally Lucius wouldn't fuck with Dumbledore because he finds him annoying but he really wanted to smoke and figured while he was there he could hit up Snape for some molly. When he got there the gravitybong Dumbledore had made was legit and he was really only focused on that but Dumbledore kept insisting he 'crack open some beers' with him so finally Lucius assented.

"Sure man whatever," Lucius Malfoy said. "Let's get our drink on, really though I'm just tryna hit this geeb y'know?"

Albus was pleased his guest had finally agreed to drink with him, "Sure sure, let me go get the beers real quick. They're in the kitchen. You stay here."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Ugh..."

Dumbledore started blinking a little too much and licking his lips, "yeah, the kitchen's a mess and I- you just stay in here and I'll bring the beers out here and we can drink in here and you just stay here and we'll be chill!"

"Um," Lucius didn't want to cause trouble but Dumbledore was really sketching him out, "sure man, whatever I'll just wait here-"

His impatient host didn't even wait for the complete answer and had scuttled off immediately after 'sure' had parted Lucius's lips but Lucius was so weirded out that he had to finish anyway., "and you go get the drinks while I wait in here. Okay. I'm not freaking out a little," he continued to reassure himself until his host had returned with their beverages.

Albus came back with two red dixie cups and lucius was immediately put off, he'd prefer to just drink out of the cans but for some reason dumbledore wanted to pour the drinks out of sight. he could immediately tell it wasn't beer.

"what the fuck dumbledore?" he swirled it around. the way it foamed up just wsan't right at all.

Albus chuckled nervously and took a drink of his, "what man? you're acting all paranoid and shit," he muttered. He started clearing the keef out of his grinder, pretending like nothing was up.

Reluctantly Lucius took a small sip, he nearly retched. It was beyond awful.

"What the fuck!" He threw the cup down on the floor, "is that fucking root beer and vodka? You said you had a fucking 12 pack you stupid cunt!"

"That is beer mate!" Dumbledore got up indignantly and began to clear up on the floor. He swiped some of the "Beer" back into Lucius's overturned cup ineffectually "it's an imported lager from Europe." He added haughtily.

"Imported from straight out your ass more like, that is fucking root beer and some liquor something that should never be mixed with root beer! Ugh," he began spitting fervently and scraping his tongue against his teeth, "can't get teh fucking taste out of my mouth."

"Chill man," Dumbledore insisted, "it's fuckin' lager, damn.."

Lucius Malfoy had had enough. He was the most formidable former death eater alive now that Mac was dead and an accomplished commercial international airline pilot as well, he didn't need to put up with all this.

"Bullshit," Lucius got up from Dumbledore's uncomfortable and suspiciously stained couch and marched into the kitchen. Albus tried to stop him but Lucius just bulled past. On the counter was an open bottle of Travelers Club Gin and a 2 liter of Root Beer next to some red cups.

"What the fuck man," Lucius wanted to know. "I didn't even fucking want to drink man, I've just been over here trying to hit this bong and you're pushin' beer on me and shit and I took one to be chill or whatever but,."he gestured to the counter, "what the fuck man?"

"Whatever dude," Dumbledore was trying to play it off like it was a little joke and Lucius was overreacting, "it tastes basically the same. Why are you being so weird about this?"

"Gin and Root fucking Beer tastes nothing like imported lager!" Lucius had been slowly escalating into a shout and caught himself, Voldemort had always said he had a nasty temper and really needed to chill out every now and then. He took a few deep breaths, "it tastes nothing like lager," he repeated more quietly, "it tastes nothing like anything anyone would want to drink."

Albus took a large swallow of his to try and show that it was indeed good, he immediately began to retch it back up but, red faced and slamming his open palm on the stone counter top he managed to keep it down. "Aaaaaaahhhhh" he meant to sound refreshed but the sound he made turned from faux pleasure to guttural torment and belied the despair he felt and he ran to the bathroom making grotesque heaving noises all the way.

Lucius chuckled, took a sip of the gin, on it's own, not so bad... , and headed after Dumbledore. Albus stumbled out of the bathroom wiping off his robes, he still had a bit of puke down the side of his beard but Lucius didn't tell him about it. fuck you albus, he thought.

"Sorry man, I guess it's not that much like lager." Dumbledore admitted bashfully.

"nah, it's fuckin not."

"I just figured you were so excited about cracking into a 12 pack with me and then I forgot to get one so I thought maybe you would just play along or something, I dunno," he scuffed his shoes on the floor some more.

"This is why no one hangs out with you, because you do weird shit."

"People hang out with me," Dumbledore wasn't tryin to hear all that. "You're hanging out with me right now drinkin beers and hitting the geeb, me and my old nazi war buddies were hangin out just yesterday tryin to bring Hitler back to life with an all old man sex party, so there!"

"That crazy bullshit is exactly what I'm talking about. Fuck you Albus," Lucius took another hit "you're weed game is legit but you are fucked up man."

Dumbledore laughed like the entire thing Malfoy had just said had been a compliment, Lucius wasn't sure he had heard him, "yeah, I know man."

TO BE CONTINUED

TOMORROW MAYBE EVEN

(if it's still raining)