Now that Minerva had got Snape laid by having sex with him she figured he'd be a lot more tolerable and laid back, but this only turned out to be half of the case... sure he was more laid back, but this happier chattier version of Snape was far less agreeable to be around in than his usual bitter and disagreeable self
Snape was awake and busy by the time Minerva not so much wakes up as arises from her stupor, she'd called Trelawney over after Snape had passed out... she didn't blame him for it though, he had finally lost his virginity when she transfigured into a pistachio and he put her in his butt so he'd need a lot of rest after that whole ordeal but that's a story for another day... and the two of them had really hit the liquor cabinet hard, like a sailor returned from a long voyage to find a mixed race child on his wife's hip. If the liquor cabinet had been a person she'd be a bloody wreck twitching in the corner the way Trelawney and Minerva carried on long into the night so she woke after hours after Snape had.
But that's not all Snape did. This new Snape, of the more enthusiastic kind, had already made breakfast, sorted and taken out the recycling and adopted two rescue pugs, Felicia and Lawrence of Arabia.
"Morning Minerva!" He beamed at her, too brightly and she shielded her wrinkly extra dehydrated eyes from his exuberant ululation.
Minerva had to stumbled over two scampering pugs with bows round their necks to get to a bar-stool.
"Oh good, it's really still morning then?" Minerva asked, preemptively somewhat relieved to've not wasted a whole morning in such a state. 'really McGonagol, what would your grandfather Sir Maceral McGonagol have to say if he saw you in such a way... I must stop hanging out with Trelawney if I'm to keep my liver a day over 86!' she scolded herself and decided.
Snape giggled so hard he dropped the coffee cup he'd been cleaning sending it crashing to the floor and... in a way... into Minerva's sensitive little ears.
"Oh course not, you nutbar! It's well after 3 PM!" He said, far too loudly, as though he were competing with a whole symphony of aftershock clatterings... the explosive sounds of kitchen breakage to ravage Minerva's already beleaguered ears.
"Fuck you Snape, I thought you'd be chill but you're annoying now," she said and he just laughed it off while cleaning up the mess he'd made. He cut the bottom of his bare foot on a piece of glass in the process and proceeded to track a bloody left foot print all over Minerva's kitchen, then living room when he was trying to find somewhere to throw away the glass pieces, then back porch before she can shout him out of that course of action...
Minerva was still staring when Snape tossed all the glass shards into her back yard.
"Snape you retard! What the fuck!?"
Sandy Saul Witherstein was mowing her yard at the time as a favor and some of the glass shards got sucked up into his sleek zero point turn riding mower. When they came back out the other end, further sharpened and honed into a killing edge by the revovling mech blade underneath the carriage they were twice as deadly as regular broken glass and smeared with grass juice.
Stained green glass shards began whizzing by at an astonishing speed!
One piece flew up into the air and it cut the power line connecting Minerva's house to the life's-blood of modern Europe and the severed line whizzed about dangerously, spitting out electrical outpourings of rage and bewilderment. How could this happen! She could practically hear the poor electrical cord wailing in confused despair... But there was no time for that, glass pieces were still going everwhere and one went straight into her neighbor, Lady Hilderby's neck!
Oh how it spouted dear reader let me spare the gruesome details and just say she died quick but kept on making a mess of her back porch and tea-set for a good deal longer than she suffered.
"Oh sweet fuck no!"
Sandy Saul Witherstein practically fell off his fancy new riding mower and rushed over to held the already dead old woman. But along the way he tripped on a rake and impaled himself while the flailing power line did the rest.
After Saul's deathwails had been adsorbed by the lingering afternoon fog and faded away into imperceptibility unanswered a great stillness settled in.
A heavy drop of condesensation fell from a leaf somewhere nearby. A bird called...
Minerva surveyed the gruesome scene before her, inhaled resolutely...
"Goddamnit Snape!"
She had meant to really give him a tongue lashing but he shrugged it off with an embarassed titter, "easy come easy go" he said, then went to play with his two pugs, Anastasia and Laurence of Arabia...
oh great now on top of being annoying snape has a callous disregard for human life... I really should have thought through the possible ramifications of my fecund actions before I did them, she decided.
Minerva looked into her reflection in a puddle in her yard, but a puddle of rainwater not her neigbor's's blood and saw dogMinerva looking back, "looks like you've really fucked things up this time kid," dogMinerva said.
'well,' Minerva thought as her suddenly talkative dogMinerva reflection waited patiently for her reply, 'this is new'
...to be continued...