AuthorsNote:Howdy everyone, It's me, E.b Woodhouse here, been a while so I thought I'd pop by to explain my protracted abscess, [at least a little]. I had planned on updating regularly starting with that last chapter in September but I've been in jail until recently. As far as the fine details... well let's just say that's between me and that old man from the Golden Corral. As any of you E.B. Woodhouse superfans who've been charged with rape will realize that sort of thing is a sensitive subject! But enough dilly dallying, on with the show!
Saturnalia awoke with a start! She had just had the craziest dream about Santa Claus and the rest of the Annunanki, yet for some reason she couldn't seem to recall it clearly.
That black circle in the middle of the sun that only Hermione's can see was growing larger still(editors note; hey yall, E.b. woodhouse here, see chapter 60 for more info on this crazy harbinger of ill fate), Saturnalia knew that meant that the gatekeeper Hermione must complete her dour task or the Hermione Tat Ko: The Hermione Death Battle would begin!
She wandered briefly what it would be like to be just a normal little green hair girl who can't even see that crazy stuff but only Hermione's can see such ill fated omens in the sky and as one herself such was her lugubrious fate.
She woke up her sister, Hermione. Hermione had regular, for this dimension, colored golden hair, but in the timescape these two twins are from golden hair is as odd as the comparatively regular green hair that Saturnalia and everyone else from that timescape has(Chapter 17). They were waiting for what felt like days and days and months and years (2 now) on end for the plane carrying all the rest of the students to land so they can join them onto the train for Hogwarts, b-ut-
"We can't just wait out here in the woods forever," Hermione explained to Saturnalia as she awoke.
Saturnalia agreed. "Yes. Let's go to Golden Corral. I'm in the mood for a hot dog with nacho cheese sauce and gummy bears and that`s the only place that will serve something like that"
It took them a very long time to walk all the way to Hogsmeade.
Inside the Golden Corral the smells were overwhelming and savory, Saturnalia and Hermione told the cashier they were just going to drink water and got special cups meant for water only but used them to get Mtn. Dew anyhow. Saturnalia filled her cup 3/4 of the way with regular Mountain Dew and topped it off with Diet Mountain Dew.
They picked a table and tucked into the best meal of their lives! Nachos and cheese, hotdogs and pizza with whipped cream topped pie, all the gummy bars you can wave a stick at and ice cream cake for desert! For a good long while they were completely absorbed ith their delicious meal but once their hunger struck eyes were glazed over satiety they noticed an incredibly tall muscular and attractive man sitting nearby. He was 6 and a half feet tall and obviously well endowed judging from the appetizing bulge in his jean shorts.
Saturnalia licked her lips. That sexy man was ignoring the food piled high atop his table and hunched furioulsy over a laptop computer, typing away. Saturnalia couldn't help herself so she slunk forward to get a better look at the screen. He was... -writing fanficiton! She recognized the layout and color scheme of the website where she spends all of her free time, masturbating, when she isn't worrying about the Velociraptors out for her blood (chapters 20, 21, 23, 26, et cetera) or all those other crazy problems that just sorta come with being a Hermione.
"Oh wow. I love fanfiction too!" she told the mysterious and handsome man.
He lit a cigarette and smiled ingratiatingly. "Me too, but who doesn't right!"
Saturnalia laughed at his charming joke and leaned forward so he could better espy her cleavage. But all her subtle flaunting was for naught because he seemed to have eyes only for an oddly attractive elderly man who sat across from him. Saturnalia fanned herself with her hand, here she was, in Golden Corral of all places on Christmas of all days and she found herself surrounded by not just one but two undeniably attractive men.
Hermione had also come over to where they were and she clapped to show her agreement: she too enjoys fanfciton.
"My name is Saturnalia and this is my sister Kraug, i mean Hermione, whoops! So many Hermiones, it's hard to keep up!" Saturnalia said, Hermione frowned at that, or appeared to anyway, her face had been sliced off(chapter 20 again) by her lover a few years ago so it was hard to tell what expression she was trying to make but Saturnalia just ignored her.
"My favorite fanfic is probobly Day of reckoning: The Final Days of Jean and Logan," He said.
"Well my favorite story is Sugar Happy Sunshine Adventure," Saturnalia answered and Hermione nodded her agreement, the mysterious and mystifyingly sexual man smirked and lit another cigarette even though he wasn`t finished with his first.
"Yeah," he said, his voice a deep and sensual rumble with a twinge of the old south hidding within, "that`s one pert near perfect fic," he agreed.
"It really is just the best!" Hermione chimmed in, "it's unfortunate that not many people read the second chapter since i'm sure it took the Author a lot of time to come up with all those crazy plot twists and , well, it's just a shame it doesn`t get the recognition it deserves is all," Hermione would have continued to expound on the merits of that story but she saw a tear slip from the sexy mans eye,
"that's all i ever really wanted," he said, more to himself that them...
Anyways, at another table nearby that sexy old man stood up. "I`m going to the bathroom now to take out my dentures," he explained to the fellow diner sitting across from him. Then he hobbled ricketyly to the bathroom.
Saturnalia blushed, "Well mr Fanfic writer, you sure seem to have alot of admireres!" Obviously the old man was goin to remove his dentures to give better blowjobs, that much was clear to everyone present.
The mysterious fan fiction writer smirked again and wiped his single tear away.
"Well well well don't mind if I do," he said and followed the aged seducer to the mens room to enjoy a good gummy blowjob after his satisfying meal of gummy bears.
"It's too bad that we couldn't talk about fanficion some more," Saturnlia said to her sis, "but that old man was obviously hitting on our new friend so I guess we should just scooch on out of her. They didn't have long until the waiter came by to ask them for some money, which they have none of. Sats had estimated the bill would be 2 dollars and 20 with 56 cents or so and she had zero dollars so they left without paying UK style.
b-ut, unknown to them the dining companion of the aged seducer was none other than Lucius Malfoy himself, and Lucius is a total dick so he called the cops and got E.b Woodhouse arrested! EVEN THOUGH IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT OLD MAN WAS TAKING OUT HIS DENTURES TO BETTER SUCK DICK Lucius was a very sore loser and was hoping that his dining companion wanted to give him a bj so he called the cops and thats why this chapter took so long in coming out but don't worry superfans, MORE SOON ;)