[Warning]
This chapter will involve attempted-suicide and mention suicidal thoughts and actions.
Given this could be a difficult subject for some people I want to give some kind of forewarning.
A majority of this chapter is about the attempt I will put a tldr at the bottom so no one will be left out of the loop if they don't want to read the chapter as a whole.
If you don't want to read skip to the bottom after the 'it looked rather old.' as it will be just talk about suicide.
Izuku smiled as he read through his friends accomplishments through the group chat, Mezo-Kun and Ochaco-Chan were making great strides and told him they couldn't wait to show him in person, he had quickly warned them he might be late because Dabi had finally let him start working on his quirk and Izuku wanted to spend time in person helping him.
He hated that it required such a… disastrous event, one that had harmed Dabi so terribly mentally and physically to get Dabi to accept his help but he was going to work hard to make up for all the lost time, and even if he wasn't there he knew Magne-San would keep a good eye on Dabi to make sure he didn't further harm himself even if she had to drag the brunette along with her to Minty delights.
Dabi's arm was recovering well enough, and he'd only needed the bandages until the sports festival in April, Izuku had called up Osamu-Kun to double check what the proper re-training for Dabi's arm would entail before he would pass the little book he made onto Dabi and Magne-San, he knew some of what physical therapy entailed from his previous stint after his mom found out but he wasn't sure that physical therapy was that universal.
He already had plans to drop the notebook off tomorrow since it was a Sunday and he'd be close enough to drop the book off with only a few hours taken from his time with his mom, but Izuku was sure she'd understand since Dabi's situation was... delicate.
Subsequently he might lose some more time since his training with Kaoru-Kun had taken up more of his time than he planned so Izuku was taking a short cut he normally wouldn't take given it took him through an unpaved mountain trail known for rockslides, coming up to a corner he saw a the path led to where the mountain had a gorge and he had slowed down to cross since the bridge for it looked rather old.
However, when he was halfway across something on the other side caught his eye, a young blonde man probably a few years younger than Dabi was standing on the wrong side of the guard rail, Izuku's brain struggled to understand what the man was doing at first then his mouth when dry as he realized what he had stumbled upon.
His eyes darted around for any sign of another person but the two of them were completely alone and the only other person that could be around might be one of the heroes that were supposed to be patrolling the area in case of a rockslide but that didn't mean they would be here any time soon, if they did patrol at all.
*What should I do… * Izuku whimpered in his mind as his eyes went back to the blonde, the right thing to do would be to try to stop the man from jumping by any means necessary and maybe that's what he would have done three years ago given his obsession with heroics had burned that answer in to him, and it wouldn't be all that hard for Izuku to just sneak up on the blonde and yank him away from the edge since the man hadn't noticed him yet.
But a deeper part of Izuku coldly rejected that plan, a part of him that Izuku found himself agreeing with surprisingly for reasons that he had long buried as far in the corners of his mind as he could previously, things that he hadn't thought of ever since he began tutoring Masao-San because it was no longer an option he was willing to entertain, not with all the people who needed him.
Remembering that also brought the small selfish desire he privately wished for to his mind and that was what finally give Izuku the strength to do something most would not, letting out an exhale that made his chest feel achingly tight Izuku swallowed the suffocating lump that had formed in his throat and continued forward, he kept his steps even and measured to a degree that they were loud enough to be heard but not startle the man.
Gold-colored eyes glanced at him from the corner of the man's gaze making Izuku pause, they were dull and slightly red from a lot of crying and Izuku felt his skin crawl because while he was well acquainted with those eyes, having seen them nearly every day for years when he looked in the mirror, it was a very different thing to see those eyes on another person.
The man's eyes went back to emptiness staring in front of him not truly taking in the scenery there "Are you going to try to stop me?" the man asked, his voice sounding as hollow as Izuku would have expected, Izuku's mouth opened then closed and he had to mentally kick himself for hesitating "No." Izuku answered forcing himself to go over to the railing making sure the man was out of his arms' reach.
The gold eyes were back on him again though they still lacked any light to them "Are you going to attempt to talk me out of it then?" the man questioned sounded even more exhausted "I won't do that either." Izuku said shaking his head, the man looked away with a light huff of irritation, the first sign of any emotion Izuku had seen other than apathy "Called a hero on me then?" the man guessed and Izuku's grip on the rail made his knuckles white.
"No." Izuku told him, and the man looked back at him with a slight frown "Then what are you going to do?" the man asked, a tiny bit of confusion on his face "I… " Izuku said, cutting himself off as he struggled to properly phrase what he was doing, he knew what he was doing but he didn't know how to explain it because he never thought he'd be on the other side of it.
"I want to listen." Izuku finally decided on saying then he climbed over the railing to stand on the ledge like the man was, the frown deepen on the blonde's face "What?" the man questioned and Izuku had expected he'd have to go into detail of what he meant.
"Self-preservation has been something encoded into our DNA, something that has been a part of humans since before our ancestors could walk on land and has been a force driving every species on the planet for billions of years… That's why for most people the idea of genuinely killing themselves so unthinkable, it's why so many people struggle to understand why anyone could." Izuku told the man slowly kneeling and then sitting on the edge while holding onto the bars of the rail instead.
"Because the fact of the matter is the only way we could even consider doing something that goes against what is so ingrained in us means we've been pushed too far and in such emotional agony that our instincts become warped, and we'd do anything to make it all stop." Izuku said the words coming just a bit easier to him.
The man scoffed "And just what would a brat like you know about any of this crap? Got some shitty empathy quirk?" the blonde spat having mistakenly taken his words as condescending "I'm quirkless." Izuku responded flatly and the man's eyes widened and there was a brief flash of surprise before a sobering understanding donned on his face.
"Then you really know about… this, don't ya." The man commented losing the sharp tone and Izuku nodded "I think it was a month after I learned I wasn't going to get a quirk was the first time someone told my mom not to bother planning for me to get into High school." Izuku indirectly confirmed, his mom hadn't taken the woman's advice well and his mom never brought her coworkers home again.
"The expectation that I was going to end my life one day loomed over me like a specter." Izuku explained, the urge to pick at his nails to distract himself came back as he thought of the thousands of spider lilies left for him, jokes on them since those were his favorite flower and that was the only reason he didn't let Kacchan see them do it, Kacchan would've blown them up otherwise.
"I was eight when I first considered it and I told myself I was an awful person for it because my mom loved me so much and was trying so hard for me to live a decent life… but living for one person doesn't make those thoughts and ideas stop coming, I spent years telling myself that I was selfish and cruel person for thinking about doing something so horrible to her because it was the only thing that kept me from acting on them." Izuku said staring at his feet, he had those thoughts haunting him still when he was alone with his thoughts and a small part of him wondering how he hadn't started crying yet.
A memory was dragged to the forefront of his mind and it made it feel even harder to breath then it already was "When I was ten it all came to a head and after stumbling home from being beaten I took a bath, the water was warm and I was so tired I didn't realize what I was doing until my lungs were burning… and I didn't want to stop myself from drowning because there was some part of me telling me that all I had to do was wait for a few moments and I'd never have to worry about anything ever again." Izuku admitted.
If you just stay under a bit longer, you'll never make Kacchan angry again, and he won't be holding the boy back anymore.
That mom could be free of having such a worthless son that only causes her to worry while working herself to death and find love again without the dead-weight of having a null for a child.
How everyone would be so much happier once he was gone and that they move on quickly, and they could live their lives to the fullest again.
What's five minutes of pain to the lifetime of suffering you'll put everyone else through by continuing to stubbornly exist?
Why keep forcing yourself through this when you can make everyone's life so much better by giving up?
Izuku bit his tongue forcing himself out of the awful spiral of memories and back to the present and to the man standing not too far from him.
"I snapped out of it and puked my guts out in the toilet, I cursed myself for it for weeks thinking about how awful it would've been if my mom found me like that, and I decided if the thoughts weren't going to stop then I should make some kind of plan for how I'd, kill myself after mom passed… and it helped." Izuku confessed, he still had that special black notebook tucked away where no one would ever find it, mainly so his mom wouldn't freak out even more about him.
"Knowing that I had a way out that I could take at any point weirdly made it so much easier to deal with everything, the thoughts came up less since I got them all out onto paper when I came up with my plan, but while I had it all thought out there was one thing couldn't allow myself… even if it was the one thing, I wanted the most at the end." Izuku somberly recounted.
"What was it?" the man inquired and Izuku chuckled mirthlessly under his breath "I didn't want to be alone… even if it was some random person, I just wanted someone there to listen to me in my final moments, but I could never bring myself to do that because I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone by dying in front of them… I could have found someone to do a suicide pact with me online, but I wouldn't want to force someone to die the way I wanted to." Izuku elaborated with a morose smile on his face as he turned back to the man.
"That's what I meant by I just wanted to listen to you, I know whatever drove you to this point won't just disappear by pulling you back from the ledge or even that us having this conversion will change your mind… but that's okay, regardless of if you jump or not I want you to have the one thing I think everyone should have in the end, someone who will listen even if it's just to get everything off your chest so you can go out with a weight off your shoulders." Izuku told the man circling back to what started this conversation and away from his darker thoughts.
The man's mouth opened then closed and he looked away "It's not anything grand, just a crappy situation I put myself in." The man replied and Izuku shrugged "That's fine, we don't need to talk about why you're here at all. You can tell me about the things you dreamed about instead so you can go out on a lighter note if you want." Izuku offered still smiling up at him, the man glanced back at Izuku and bit his lip then carefully he moved to sit down like Izuku had with his head hung low.
"I… had a girl, I met her at a club she worked at. I used to be one of those rich trust fund babies, so she gave me a lot of attention… and I fell for her." The man told cutting himself off with a spiteful scoff "She was a damn gold-digger, and I was a stupid dickhead who wouldn't listen to everyone else telling me she was, eventually my parents cut me off, and when I ran out of money Holly showed her true colors." The man continued to explain now scowling.
"I gave her everything I had for two years because I thought we were solid but all the toxic crap she did and the fucking gaslighting was so obvious I can't believe I fell for it." The blonde spat angry tears pricking the corners of his eyes.
"And if that wasn't enough, she kicked me out of the house I bought for us so the guy she was cheating on me with could move in, and she conned me into taking on the ¥89 million debt she and the guy racked up. I didn't finish high school or have any work experience, and all my friends and family had already cut ties with me… there's no way I could ever pay back that kind of money on my own." The man said wallowing in his misery.
Izuku couldn't blame him though, love could be blinding, and he knew more than a few people in the districts who got mixed up in crime to pay off their massive debts and some who were still paying said debts off even after so many years, and that wasn't including being betrayed by someone they loved "So, after a week of trying to go on I just… couldn't anymore and I came up here, and yeah… that's when you found me." The man told him finishing awkwardly, waving to the cliff.
Izuku nodded "That's rough, I can understand why you'd consider doing this." Izuku replied empathically and the man glanced at him "Really?" the man said, "Yeah, you've been tossed into a deep pit and told to dig yourself out of it with a plastic spoon by someone you cared about, anyone would feel terrible after all that." Izuku answered.
The man sniffed and tears began falling from his face "Thanks, my friend said I was pathic when I was begging him to let me stay with him." The man said looking down at his lap and Izuku frowned "I don't think you had very good friends." Izuku commented, the man laughed "Yeah they weren't much better than Holly… my parents at least gave me some cash before they disowned me, I can't blame them though, I was dick while I was with Holly." The man admitted leaning back against the railing.
The man sniffed as his gaze went up to the sky "They told me they still loved me, but they couldn't support me anymore and that maybe we could… try again, if I paid off the debt and got my crap together." The man rambled on, clearly torn on the matter "Their good people then?" Izuku asked head tilted to the side "Heh, yeah they are… they didn't approve of me and Holly, but they didn't force me to break up with her." The man answered.
"I, thought of calling them before I… just to thank them, for doing what they could for me." The man confessed and Izuku chuckled "When I made my plan, if I was going to go through with it, I was going to record some farewell messages, so they could hear my voice again since that is the biggest thing people say they miss when they lose someone." Izuku told the blonde and the man gave a slight noise of confusion "So you have people other than your mom?" the man asked surprised.
"Well, yeah but my mom didn't have anyone else but me… everyone else would've been better off without me there to drag them down, or that's what I thought." Izuku explained, he was sure that Kacchan wouldn't miss him that much but he had been severely wrong about that judging by the little gifts the boy gave him, the man looked down and away with a soft look of understanding "Yeah, I can understand that… " the man commented and after a moment of silence looked back at him.
"You're really not going to stop me from jumping are you kid?" the man asked and Izuku nodded "If you don't think you can go on living and want to give up, then I won't stop you from making that choice." He confirmed, though the thought of watching someone die and doing nothing hurt him deeply "If you're only going to suffer then I won't stop you from the choice you think is best, even I don't think I could do that anymore." Izuku explained with a sad smile.
The man's grip on the bars became tighter and he clenched his jaw "I'm not sure I can do it now." He said swallowing a lump in his throat "That's fine, if you want to try again another time then I can walk you for a bit." Izuku offered, the man looked back at Izuku then closed his eyes and took a deep breath "I, think I'd like that." The man replied.
"Okay." Izuku replied then carefully stood up and went back over the railing, the man hesitated, taking another look at the cliff before following him back over to the right side of the railing, the two of them began walking down the path together.
"My name's Setsuno, what's yours?" Setsuno asked after a bit and Izuku didn't think the question was out there considering they had just had a pretty intense moment "I usually go by Deku-Sensei, but you can just call me Deku." Izuku answered with a soft smile, the man snorted "Deku? Jesus, kid do you have any self-worth?" Setsuno asked stuffing his hands into his pockets and Izuku laughed "I'm quirkless, I'm lucky I survived this long, why would I care what people called me?" he questioned back somehow drawing a chuckle from Setsuno "Yeah, I guess that's not important." Setsuno admitted, a bittersweet smile on his face.
They walked down the path in a somber-ish silence that probably should've made Izuku worried for Setsuno but he wasn't so naive as to think that spilling some of his life story would convince Setsuno to not go through with it, the man could very well throw himself off the next bridge they came to.
One conversation wasn't going to erase all of Setsuno's problems and there wasn't much Izuku could do about it, but stopping the man from killing himself wasn't Izuku's goal right now, for now he would do just as he said and just be an ear for Setsuno for however long the blonde would let him tag along.
TLDR: Izuku spots a young man named Setsuno about to jump off a cliff and instead of trying to stop him, sat on the edge with Setsuno then Izuku told him about his unintended suicide attempt, and after talking some more Setsuno decided not to kill himself that day at least and started walking with Izuku.