doghouse Draco and 'the snake' attend the concert Spiders and Neville are performing with Spiders' cursed Theremin.
They really enjoyed themselves and had fun dancing and listening to music but they started to argue when Draco suddenly remembered he was straight so he shouldn't be dating a guy...
'maybe I just hate women so much I thought I was gay' he wondered.
It turns out that the strange powers of Spiders' cursed Theremin caused Doghouse Malfoy to remember he was actually straight! Since he has a severe fixation on penises when the Time Skips bombarded him with chrono-Disregularities his psyche protected itself by breaking off portions of his recent memories to act as bait, so he forgot how he used to be dating Pansy Parkinsons, Spiders and even Luna Lovegood and in short that he wasn't really gay at all... But now he remembered!
"Wait I'm not actually gay" Doghouse Malfoy had said just as his gay lover had gone in for a particularly wet and invasive kiss.
but "the snake" didn't like that at all...*
Harry grab'd Draco by his pale hair.
"It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, love knows no bounds" Harry tried to reason with his lover.
But Doghouse Malfoy was having none of that!
"They don't call me Doghouse Malfoy for nothin'!" Draco yelled at Harry.
Harry didn't know what to say to that!
He just blinked at his lover wordless.. and then Draco realized that the snake had just admitted to really being Harry Potter all along!
"How could you!" Draco wailed, streaming tears freely.
Harry fell to his knees... an ironic thing for a 'snake' to do... He had never meant to lie to Draco, had assumed that 'doghouse Malfoy' had known that 'the snake' was just a nickname all along. He didn't mean for it to get so out of hand!
"Time skips turned me gay and then you lied to me!" Doghouse Malfoy accused 'the snake'ruefully.
"Time skips can't make you gay-"
Harry had started to say bu-
"Whatever they made me forget that I was straight and then, since I have Penis Focused Obsessive Compulsive Disorder* I just assumed I was gay, because of all the time skips. And then I dated you because snakes and Slytherings go together, but it was all lie, you're no snake... Potter."
Harry began to work out some retort but now that he thought about it penis centric ocd did make a lot of sense...For one their paltry sex life only consisted of Draco inspecting, measuring, weighing, etcetering his penis.., nothing truly erotic, Harry had maintained an erection for a full 15 minutes the first time they 'hooked up' but all Draco did was stare, slack jaw'd at it, then take a lot of notes and measurements.
For the first five or so minutes Harry had found the anticipation supremely erotic and was expecting to build to catastrophic ejaculation, but shortly he realized that Draco had no intentions of finishing him off at all..
His British sensibilities prevented him from complaining about the lack of climax
'better just play along i guess' he figured not wanting to seem boorish or rude. He didn't really ever know what to do with his hands during these 'hook up's and always flutered them awkwardly around only once did he try slipping a finger in Draco's back door but his hand was swiped peevishly away with no comment.
After their first sexless hook up 'the snake' didn't even bother to 'rear his head' ** for their encounters anymore and would enter into them flaccid completely. Draco was just as enthusiastic about observing Harry's flaccid penis and yet never once managed anything near erotic, in the damnest way though that was what Harry found hottest of all...
So poor Harry, yes 'The Snake' he didn't know what to do!
He loved Draco, but the fellow was obviously straight and Harry was beginning to wonder if he was as well, she sure hadn't done a good job of being homosexual so far!
"I've got to suck 20 dicks before midnight or I'll get kicked out of Faggot School!" He desperately told his class mate Yugi Moto...
But then.. He realized it was just those damn'd time skips again!.. and he willed the false scene away, slowly watching it dissolve back to the familiar backdrop of the dimly lit aisles of the plane...
All was normal, Yugioh was gone now and he watched as Draco stomped off, Spiders and Nevile continued their performance while everyone watched, Luna was busy, writing something down- let's take a closer look!
() Luna's Note ()
*that's what the kids are calling Harry now
*not the same as gay btw
**that means "getting a boner" or something
Anyways, things sure have been rough for me lately! I tried to make a best friend out of Pansy Parkinsons earlier today but she just kept on about some Latex Lycanthrope or other holding the keys to the 'chains abound her[sic] heart" then allowed herself to fall limply into a turgid brume of lugubrious despair... I tried to make sure she didn't have a penis like Spiders does because we aren't friends anymore that she lied about it, see chpater 78 for more info about Spiders' girls-penis; but anyway Pansy didn't take kindly to me scrabbling about her pelvis looking for her equipment or hopefuly lack of.
Anyway that didn't work out for this interpid reporter;
here it went...
Pansy: "Quit it, you're going to make me spill this cup of urine onto my library book!"
Author's Note: as part of her continued public works Harmonica, the 7th Hermione, has created a lending library of books to be distributed about the plane. That is where Pansy got the socialist propaganda she was reading, she had assumed that since it was red and she had once read a red book about mars that Harmonica's pamphlet must also be about the red planet but alas; anyway she didn't want to spill any urine on it, that was for the elfs!
Pansy squrims away from Lunas ice cold fingers invading her crotch, she had already managed to give Pansy clitoris a chaff against her impractical leather panties but it suited her dark fancy to wear them.
That's when Hagrid show'd up and he backhanded Luna across the aisle of the plane and almost out the airlock in order to save his mistress!
Anyways, I woke up in the middle of the aisles with an elf trying to nibble on my exposed ankles but I saw to her! Now that I've a small store of meat I believe I'll survive the night if I can find shelter, and yet the very walls of this damn'd plane reverberate with the wails of SPiders new theremen and I feel that nowhere will I be truly safe...