What if Harry detecive?

That was the answer I set out to find nearly 6 years and 100 chapters ago! From that first head scratcher, the Mystery of How Ron Weasley is a Wizard?, I and my superfans have fallen headfirst into a world of intrigue, suspense and palpable eroticism... and it looks like this crazy journey we are on together has only just got started! ~ As all of you superfans will have noticed by now this fic has even gotten attention from J.K. Rowling herself on several occasions! Unfortunately some of you ne'erdo-well's out there have been imitating this illustrious author in my review section and I just thought i'd pop in to remind everyone that is very much illegal! So let's straighten up guys or I'm going to have to call the police! ~ ; b-ut anyway, here it is, Chapter 100: Nibiru's Revenge!

Now that Nibiru was closer than ever the plane and all the Hogwarts students therein where absolutely bombarded with Time Skips. So much so that nearly everyone forgot what they had been doing right before they had even ever done it in the first place; which got to be a real hassle after just a few go's round!

"Damnit! Nibiru is closer than ever!" Harry said.

If only his friend Ron Weasely where here, but no... it hurt too much to think about Ron... Especially now that he had been missing ever since the Summer Field Trip to America they had gone on all those years ago(see chapters 22-27)... When Harry had gotten on the plane he was introduced to some strangely familiar looking hillbilly who oddly enough had the same name as Ron but his best friend was nowhere in sight! And even Ron's old girlfriend had started dating this new guy with his damnably inopportune name!

Harry really wanted to get along with Padma's boyfriend, Ron, because she is a fellow Mystery Kid and he knew from all his years of being a head Quidditch Boy that too keep a team together was too strive for the path of victory... which can have no altercations of teammates along with the way though! That little bit of folksy wisdom had steered him through a lot of trials and tribulations but then Time Skips intruded upon his continuity and he even forgot all about that for a little while and now he thought he was a drummer in a prog rock band from the seventies!

"Snap out of Harry!" She said, desperately trying to bring the Boy who LIved back to his sense!

"Wha-Where am i?!" Harry nearly wailed;in his moments of delusion he had forgotten all about the plane in his travails through time...

"Jehova has something to do with this! I'd bet my left cunt lip on it" Harmonica sagely figured.

Harry slit his eyes at her, but he just about had to agree. "Yeah, Harmonica," He agreed, "you are probobly right, it's just that my instantaneous and breakneck ride through time itstelf just then really threw me off for a second..." He admitted bashfully

...But Harmonica didn't understand at all! She thinks Harry must be talking about this guy she grew up with, "What does Instantaneous have to do with anything? He's been dead for years!"

Harmonica sure was upset with Harry for bringing up her dead friend like that but then she reckoned that maybe those damn time skip could be put to good use for something for once and maybe she could ride them back to a time when her friend Instantaneous was still among the living... Poor Harmonica, now that Saturnalia (the deadly 4th Hermione) had killed her twin siter Hermione (The 6th) she's become the 7th instead of the 8th Hermione and as such the Gatekeeper Initiative falls upon her storied lap should the Hermione Crisis ever commence but she had no idea...

"Pretty soon people will be too frightened to be in any public space in any crowd regardless of it's size. They will be given good reason to forgo fellowship while trading their freedoms for perceived safety" Luna said aimlessly. She and Harmonica were hanging out together in the cock pit.

Harmonica didn't feel like dealing with Luna's crazy obsessions, she wishes the fecksome blonde would go back to following Spiders around but there seems to be little chance of that happening... especially now that Nibiru is nearly upon them!

"Oh shit it's Nibiru!" Luna wailed.

Luna and Harmonica began scrambling to take cover but as they were in a cramped little cock pit they stumbled and stamped all over each other in their frantic haste!

Spiders also happened to be laying in floor at the cock pit. There was a vanity mirror across from her and she was strung out and totally unconscious from the oxygen deprivation she got from snorting the street drug Boogers. Her reflection as you will already know has been replaced by dogMinerva's reflection.

"dogMinerva, of course, is the special transfigurative form of Minerva McGonagol who sometimes turns herself half way into a Border Collie but stops halfway and is overcome with a wild and feral bloodlust. dogMinerva's reflection made a deal with Jehova, in exchange for transporting the Thrice Curs'd Theremin Trinarktikohn onto the plane the Eldar Annunanki granted dogMinerva's reflection with the ability to choose whomever it wanted to reflect off of..." Luna said.

"That is right, Luna," Harmonica replied; "it was only because of dogMinerva's meddling that the rouge planet Nibiru was able to follow the 'Sonic Trail' of the Theremin, leading it straight for us!" They were both concerned about this a lot.

"Keep it down you two I'm trying to take a nap!" dogMinerva's reflection snapped at them from the mirror that happened to be laying diagonally on the cock pit floor across from the slumbering 6th Hermione, Spiders... Spiders is wore slap out from playing dubstep music so much and listening to a lot of it too, it sure takes a lot of someone, even if they're seven feet tall!

Because of the time skips Spiders was dreaming about being back in the past... 6 years ago today Spiders had gotten fired from her job working at Waffle House when one of the costumers had complained about having spiders in their food, but Spiders had only put the handful of spiders onto that plate as a special sort of garnish because she had a crush on the guy it was going to... But he didnt appreciate her at all! That hurt a lot of her feelings and she became gothic for a while afterwards; the time skips could even make her forget that she is dubstep now!

Spiders tossed and turned fitfully in her sleep, above her head Nibiru blazed malevolently, leaching all the light from the sky. It looked like some sort of cancerous eclipse.

"Damnit dogMinerva's Reflection, I know it was you who helped to bring the 'anti Earth' mystery planet crashing down onto earth itself! Fix it you jerk!" Harmonoica hollered, then she kicked the mirror causing dogMinerva's Reflection to waver precariously.

"Dang, chill, alright maybe I had something to do with it so I'll tell you what-" she started to say but then Spiders woke up, and seeing her unexpectedly incongruous reflection before her she started screaming and kicking her long nobly legs wildly. The mirror was thoroughly shattered and now dogMinerva's reflection could never tell them how to avoid the deadly pitfalls of Nibiru...

Luna and Harmonica fell to their knees, overcome by their woe. What would they do now!

"Damnit Spiders you retard! You ruin everything, you're no better than those treacherous, perfidious goblins that insinuate themselves within a host society and begin undermining it from the inside out all while profiting off of its decay and also all the wars they constantly start but never themselves fight or die in!" Luna roared, absolutely furious!

This was just like the Waffle House all over again!

"Nooooo!" Spiders wailed and threw a handful of spiders in Luna's face like a ninja's smoke bomb to escape with which she did while Luna spat and shook her head and flapped her hands around to her face. There were spiders absolutely everywhere.

"Shoot," Harmonica said, "I bet she could have helped us against Planet X; Nibiru of the abyssal voids."

Luna finally got all the spiders off her face and most of them out from her hair too, she didn't think Spider was good for any darn thing except upsetting people with her freakishly small Futanari girl's penis. "yeah, well I'm dubious" she said because she wanted to vocalize her certainty of Spiders' lack of usefulness.

But Harmonica doesn't understand at all!

"Dubious?" She scrunched up her nose, "You're not Dubious, he's got the hottest mixtape of the season and you can't even spit bars idiot!"

Harmonica thought that maybe Luna could be pretty cool at first but she doesn't appreciate being lied to. Also Luna was trying to take credit for someone elses work and that surely isn't okay! "Dubious's raps are master classes in technique!" she spat.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Luna?" The Boy Who Lived said. "Dubious worked hard to get where he is and you're here trying to take credit for his raps that he worked so hard on!"

"Yeah, and what would you know about it?" Harmonica added haughtily, "you're not even a Hermione"

Luna was completely ashamed. She began crying tears of blood.

"Freak! Freak!" They all shouted as they crowded around her bloodstained face.

That only made Luna cry ever harder, soon there was blood everywhere!

But that didn't slow down Nibiru even for a second, the implacable planet, an exact mirror to the earth itself, continued to hurtle down onto Hogsmeade itself!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

The impact tore a great rent in reality itself. Then a gravity well formed also (For those of you who don't know what that is it's basically a black hole but on earth)

"It's Nibiru! It's finally here!" Minerva McGonagol screamed! She was in Hogsmeade when the planet came crashing down onto it. Luckily she managed to hop on someones broom stick that had been left laying out of the front of the sandwhich shop she'd been hanging out on a bench in front of.

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRROM

Minerva rushed down Hogsmeade Lane in a blur! There was a guy reading a newspaper and when she went by it flew from his hands! "Hey watch it!" He called out, but he had bigger problems... Much bigger! Because another planet the exact same size as earth was mere feet above his very head!

Minerva rushed along, she didn't even have time to warn anyone else to escape, every second counted if she was going to get away from the impact zone in time!

Minerva could feel the giant M class planet pushing down on her from above. "I'll never make it!" She wailed.

Then she used a spell to make her broom fly even faster! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZPPPPPPPPPPAW

She created a sonic boom because she went so fast. Then she was at Hogwarts just in time!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Nibiru came crashing down onto Hogsmeade. The cozy little hamlet was only about a mile across at its widest point and Nibiru was literally the exact same size to earth so when it hit it competely destroyed every building in the town! Minerva quavered on the battlements of Hogwarts. Even 4 miles away she could see the impact! It was like nothing she'd ever seen, the immensity of the rouge planet made Hogsmeade look miniscule in comparison...

And then...

It was gone.

All of it.

"Hog. Meade." Minerva stammered unbelieving. Her eyes reflected a vista of damnation and destruction.

"Whats all that ruckus!" Dumbledore called out from inside the castle. He came scuttling up to the roof in anger, about to lay into Minerva until he saw...

"No..." He whispered in shock. "It's... it's really gone."

Minerva hung her head in shame. A solitary teardrop shimmered in the air before splashing onto the grimy mildewed stone at her feet.

She had known, ever since dogMinerva's reflection had told her all those years ago (See chapter 57~e.b)

She had known and had done nothing. If only she had cared enough at the time to stop this madness! But the deed was done, as she watched Nibiru completely crashed into the exact center of Hogsmeade!

And now...

Hogsmeade was...

no more.