Now that the Time Skips have been unleashed Harry and the rest of the Mystery Kids sure have a "lot on their plate(s)" right now.
Because all that happened when Nibiru finally collided with Hogsmeade Harry and the rest of all the others are now slung back into the past, but maybe they never even left to begin with!
{Too bad Spiders isn't here to help them all out with this, being the original Time Skips Hermione Spiders has a lot of experience with all that; but she is still ostensibly stuck in her home timline the Diagonal Hallway Dimension and isn't due to arrive into the 'Stair Way Dimension' until around chapter 30 something which would now be chapter 130 something!}
Let's take a closer look!
Snape uses the fact he gets to teach history class now to tell the students about all the different Time Scapes and how all the different Hermiones affected the Time Scape Matrix (which is like a spoke in a wheel, the pegs radiating out centrally from this point are like the different 'time scapes'...)
"...and that's why we have so many Hermiones now!" Snape finished explaining to the students... and they could hardly believe it!
All the students were looking daggers at Hermione Lion Heart, Kraug and Mecha Granger 2030.
"Why should they get to alter the timeline? That's fucking bullshit man, no fair," Collin Creevy said petulantly. He took a picture of his own asshole and balled it up and threw it at the table the Hermione's were sitting at.
Mecha Granger 2030 slowly and with great difficulty managed to unball the photograph with her gun-barrel hands. She had already been given detenetion from Professor Snape the Hisotry Teacher that period for accidentally firing off one of her heat seeking missiles and splattering a thoroughly bemused first year Hufflepuff who had been passing by the History Class-room door at the time when she, Mecha Granger 2030 that is, was trying to pass out everyones home work assignments back to them like Snape told her to! But! actually he knew all along that that particular task would prove mighty troublesome for the mechanical girl with her gunbarrel hands that terminate in a deadly metal firing chamber instead fingers and was really just being a sneaky Slitherin as usual, dialectically setting her up for trouble!
Anyways; Mecha Granger 2030 unrolled the photograph with enthused trepidation 'surely this is a "love photo" from a secret admirer' she thought to herself, the LED lights that dot matrix style compiled her face flickered on and off in a wavering imitation of nervous expectation.
But then she saw what the picture was really all about...
"Oh gros! A butthole! That's fucking gay!" Mecha Granger 2030 called out in her booming and sonorous mechanical voice!
"Miss Granger-2030!" Snape ejaculated hatefully, "would you care to share that to the rest of the class!?"
Snape sneered evilly at the Hermiones, he knew he had them by the balls now! "AHAHA," Snape laughed malicious in his newfound torments of this hapless girl-bot.
Mecha Granger 2030 rolled sheepishly up to the front of the class on her tank treads and placed the photograph upon Mr. Snape lectern.
"Eww fagot that's a butthole get that shit away from me looser!" Snape shoved Meche Granger 2030 up against the blackboard forcefully but even though she had strength enough in her steel pistons to pulverize his skull with one smack of her gun barrel arms she had to restrain herself because Snape is the teacher here and she could get into a lot of trouble...
"I'm sorry, bioform designate; Snape, Professor" Mecha Granger 2030 said while her sorrow processors over clocked themselves to deal with the lambent shame brought down upon her by Collin Creevy and his inopportune pictures!
"1000 points from Gryffindor! Now get back in your seat before I put you back idiot!" Snape actually spat at the so ensorrowed mechanical Hermione who had no other recourse than to roll despondently back from whence she came...
"Anyways," Snape continued cooly, "now that Time Skips have been unleashed by the coming of the dread Planet X; Nibiru of the Abyssal void we sure have a lot of surprises now!"
All the students leaned forward eagerly. There had much whispering in the halls and corridors of this hallowed institution of magical learning... and all that whispering? well... it was actually about just this very thing!
Rumors and hushed insinuations had trickled down from the most erudite and attuned to dimensional shifts and shenanigans to even the stupidest and least observant student of this very school! Even first year Hufflepuffs who didn't even know what the Hermione Tat Ko; The Hermione Death Battle was yet had heard about the (from their perspective) future collision with the 'mirror earth' Nibiru...
"I heard that the Time Skips are making it so that time is actually looping back in on itself, but because of the unique nature and facilities of the human soul, several billion of which are involved here, time can never truly repeat 100% and so abnormalities emerge from the quantum sands of time itself!" said a first year Ravencalw girl to the boy sitting next to her.
And that boy's name? Well; it was Harry 'the snake' Potter actually.
"That's fucking stupid," Harry sighed, he had already had all this out with Neville last chapter, so it was old news to him and he'd pretty much forgotten it. "What we need to be worried about right now is the poison miasma that was unleashed by the Annunanki which still dwell, in spiritual form at least, upon the Human Physical Sphere's that we inhabit so graciouslessly! But you'll not hear about that from any of the powers that be of Hogwarts school of WitchCraft and Wizardy!"
But it looks like even Harry himself was a little too loud when he said that because in a whirl of rustling black fabric Snape was upon him, his tiny little chode of a pecker made barely any indentation in the crotch of his robes at all even despite his rapid pace that slung the robes againgst his frame and which usually, given the very particular fit of the robes that Albus Dumbledore himself had designed for just such a purpose... well anyway lets just say that ol' Albus is a 'pecker- hawk' in the extreme and just loves nothing more than to get a good eyeful of some dudes junk so he made the robes that way (so he can look at all the Professors bulges when they walk and the robes magically constrict to make perfectly outline their tools in such a fashion as to leave absolutely nothing to the imagination!).
"Mr Potter!" Snape hissed, livid! His greasy hair was dripping oil onto Harry's parchment stretched out before him.
Harry gulped nervously. "s-s-sorry Severus, it surely won't happen again!"
Snape had no idea what was going on! Severus? He hadn't heard that name in years... no one had even bothered to call him by his first name... not since... LIlly
That's when Snape started telling the class a whole different sort of history.. instead he told them Herstory...
the story of LIlly Potter!
"Our story begins many a year before anyone in the magical community had ever heard of 'time skips' on a birght summer morning. The day LIlly Potter was born..." Snape began dreamily... all the students began taking notes furiously, sure that this would be on the Exam!
Snape told them about how LIlly was born to a muggle woman named Gwyneth and her husband Porcinius.
Porcinius was a well endowed Wizard of great reputation who had come to live among the muggles that he craved so dearly. That's when he met LIlly's mother Gwyneth and they had a baby and she grew up to be LIlly Potter herself!
Hermione Lion Heart wiped a tear away from her eyes, then glanced quickly over at Harry. "I-I never knew..." she stammered.
Harry gulped. He didn't want this! Any of it. He had been so used to the idea of being an orphan... and now this! And worst of all everyone in class now knew as much about his parents as he did! That was bad enough but the fact that it had all come from Snape?!
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Harry wailed in mental anguish. Snape smiled at this outburst laciously, obviously he had intended to hurt Harry Potters feelings because of the unrequited love that he had now shared with the whole school! (that class was being live -streamed to the rest of hte students so they can study for the big end of term exam and get passing marks! * Snape knew that all along and he planned it that way to be most hurtful to Harry Potter...)
Snape continued his History Lesson unabashed.
One of the things Snape said was that "it has been theorized that in some dimensions the differences may be so slight as to be barely noticed. For instance, in the realm of string theory the nearest dimension to ours would likely have only slightly different versions of all the same things, instead of hallways they may just have diagonal ramps that are completely smooth and maybe sometimes a person who is just a regular human in this timeline could actually be some sort of hybridized battled droid or cyborg even!"
There were shocked gasps all throughout the room!
Several students turned in their seat conspicuously staring down Mecha Granger 2030. "I bet she's from one of those alternate time scapes the professor keeps going on about!" Padma Patil said to the first year Ravenclaw girl sitting across from her even though that was obviously what Snape had been getting at earlier. He just really likes to use lessons as a way to 'throw shade' on his colleagues (as in The Prisoner of Azkaban wherein he informs the students of how ex-Professor Lupin was a Werewolf) and also students like he done here in this chapter!
Harry bristled with anger, it got under his collar when people were made fun of just because they had rivets and bolts instead of blood and cells and other types of biological molecules.
That doesn't mean that she can't have feelings the same as you or I, you hateful bitch, Harry thought, directing all of his frustration with his unwashed pubes into the spite and resentment bubbling up inside him and weltering out over the lip of his hearts containment to spew noxiously onto Padma Patil... Harry had been so bothered by all the crazy stuff that Neville had told him that he didn't have time to shampoo his pubes in the shower that day! Also he figured he didn't want any of the Hogwarts tap water touching his skin right now because of the poison cloud hovering over the school (see last chapter!) so that was another reason why he hadn't shampoo'd his crotch earlier and it was really starting to get to him along with all this stuff Snape was doing!
"Mr Potter!" Snape's call was curt and vindictive, clearly he had noticed that Harry was dawdling and wanted to call the boy who lived out on his flippant attention to his studies. "Since you are so familiar with Multiple Dimensions theory perhaps you would like to teach this class, hmmmm?"
Snape's silky and insulting tone left no room for question as to the quality of a lesson that could be expected from poor, maligned, 'professor' Potter. Several of the Slytherings twittered maliciously, Malfoy loudest of all, always eager to latch sycophantically onto any careless remark tossed out by the Potions turned History Master Severus Timothy Snape.
The class continued to bubble over with gales of hateful laughter but Hermione Lion Heart, The Time Child was having none of it, "Go on then Harry," she encouraged him stubbornly, willfully ignorant of the spitballs and raspberries being blown her way by all the Slytherin students. A paper airplane sailed right into the side of her head, "fagot" written on the wings in red marker.
Pansy Parkinsons even went so far as to get up out of her seat and traipse mockingly over to Hermione Lion Heart before squatting over her, Hermione Lion Heart The Time Child's, book bag and rucking up her black silk panties while she bent down and with a grunt being pissing all over Hermione's books and quills and parchment rolls. The Girl with the Lion's Heart did her best to ignore this passive aggressive sally from her Slytherin counterpart; she might as well do since Snape was never one to discipline a member of his own House, although he'd give out viciously intense spankings to any of the other students for even the slightest infraction.
"Hahahaha you stupid fucking bitch you like it when I fucking piss all over you books retard!?" Pansy mocks in a silky undertone. Pansy's urine was a dark orange color, nearly red. Cleary she needed to drink more water and less sugary sodas. But soon enough she wasn't just urinating either, a noisome and foul stream of liquid shit began to eject alongside the urine and pretty soon all the SLytherins were howling with laughter even louder than they had already been doing that!
"Ooops," Pansy said, nearly gagging on the overwhelming stench of her own pungent urine and diarrhea mixed together, "guess I shouldn't have eaten all those expired Go-Gurts I found on the floor outside the Great Hall earlier."
A little bit of Pansy's pungent stream splashed back up of the now rather quite large puddle spreading in a foul semicircle around Hermione Lion Heart's bookbag and some of it even splattered onto her face and upper lip but she kept her head high regardless and continued to encourage Harry, saying; "go on then, if Professor Snap can teach this class then that must mean that just about anyone-" but before she could finish her thought a little bit of Pansies rancid shit had sprayed into her mouth so Hermione Lion Heart just continued to give him silent encouragement, going so far as to sort'v hum "mmhmmm!"(The best she could manage without retching and gagging) when Harry finally did stand up and take his place nervously at the lectern in the front of the class.
Harry's palms began to sweat heavily as the eyes of his classmates fell on his expectantly. Snape slid seductively into a large plush armchair in the back of the room, with a languid flick of his wrist he motioned for Harry to resume the lecture, his lips curling hatefully at the corners.
'How embarrassing!' Harry wailed to himself. He sure didn't know what to do now!
Harry mumbled his way through the rest of the lesson. Snapes hand writing was really awful and he could barely make out a lot of it but since most of the students were now openly bashing Hermione Lion Heart his mispronunciations and outright vocal stumbles were mostly ignored. It would have gone much easier if Neville hadn't kept asking Harry all kinds of weird and obviously pointed( ahh! but in which direxion!?) questions; let's take a closer look!
"That's all very interesting Professor, but what would happen if a single person happened to manifest multiple times at once in the same time scape?"
Harry had no idea what was going on! But finally the bell rang and Snape had Harry dismiss them for the day after assigned a brutal load of home work...
Later, in the boys bathroom, Professor Dumbledore finally explained to Harry all about why his crotch feels so uncomfortable lately
"You're a wizard Harry!"
Harry had no idea! "But, Sir, don't wizards have pubes just like normal muggles do!?"
Dumbledore laughed like Harry had just asked a completely stupid question, "of course not idiot! Look, Wizard pubes are always completely straight! There's too much magic coursing through our blood for our pubes to curl!"
Harry couldn't believe his ears!
"So, er, professor, is that why my pubic hair feels so stiff and bristly like a steel wool pad that's been run over by a steam roller!? I thought it was because I hadn't washed in so long!" Harry blurted out in relief!
"Err," replied Dumbledore, feeling a tad reserved now... "well, it doesn't really matter if you're pubes are straight or curly you should still wash them dude..." he said uncomfortably.
Harry was rather crestfallen at this... "Oh..." he murmered, "so, that weird feeling,"
Dumbledore asked Harry how long it had been since he had 'washed up down there,' to which Harry bashfully admitted he had actually never really gotten around to it.
"Oh!" Dumbledore gapped in surprise, he also looked a little dissapointed, he began to make for the exit, "well, whatever, nevermind, you just finish up in here and get back to class," he mumbled and left the boys bathroom in quite the hurry! Whatever crazy planes he had seemed to have fallen unexpectedly by the wayside..
"oh well," Harry shrugged and he also left the bathroom, wondering just why it was that Dumbledore had left with such a dissapionted and grossed out air about him and why he'd even followed Harry into the bathroom in the first place.
To Harry's bewilderment it was actually quite in fashion for witchs and wizards to grow their pubic hairs out as long as they possibly could! Entire industries catered to hair lengtheng spells and unguents and it was a fad fashion to have the fringe of your pubes trailing away behind their robes! He finally noticed this after leaving the bathroom, and so his mind was taken off of the matter and even all the silly things Snape had did to get his attention earlier. He had bigger fish to fry now that Time Skips had been unleashed!