Harry was masturbating frantically just after dinner and as such he didn't notice when Ron Weasley came into their shared dormitory style bedroom...
Of course Harry knew all along that masturbation is a sin but he went ahead and did it anyway! Now, I know what you're (always) thinking; "but Harry would never give into degenerate urges like this! BUT I've got to go ahead and be the bearer of bad news because Harry was just plain old horny enough to do it anyway!"
He got into such a predicament because he was looking for Hermione Lion Heart, the Time Child, to ask her where she got her awesome 'nick-name' from even though it's actually a 'spirit name' as you intrepid readers will no doubt remember but Harry doesn't because of time skips, which as has previously been discussed have been unleashed!
Anyways; after dinner in the great hall with all his favorite dishes and meals and in his favorite seat by the roaring fire place and with his lucky 'cup of stars' he had brought especially from home which had stars in the bottom that he could see when he was drinking from it... Harry thought about Hermione Lion Hearts cool nickname while he ate...Afterwards he went just about everywhere looking for Hermione Lion Heart, he checked some class rooms and even the girls bathroom for her, but he never found her!
In the bathroom he nearly tripped over a sock that someone had peeled off and tossed onto the middle of the floor. Now here is a mystery indeed! Harry thought enthusiastically to inspect this brazenly cast off sock even further...
The sock was covered in...blood!
And it looked and even smelled like period blood from a menstrual cycle to boot! Obviously some unlucky and underprepared female classmate of his had been forced to roll it up and use it as an improvised tampon because she didn't even have any on her at the time her vagina started bleeding and she got her period, Harry presumed.
Harry couldn't believe his luck! It was a real rush, getting to play detective again and in such a deliciously sexually charged way at that! So of course, he crouched down right there on the filthy bathroom floor. It had been laying out for a few hours at least he surmised by the tacky half dried consistency of the blood which had soaked through the thick wool sock. It took him agesto unroll the thing. The whole time he became even more aroused and turned on!
Harry wondered whose bloody sock it was and most tantalizingly he could find no initials Shaprie'd onto it. (Authors Note:the school had one shared, giant, washer dryer and peoples socks often got lost unless their names was on them so that's why Harry figured he could find out who's sock it was that way)
"Not like I can blame her though," he said, thinking out loud as it were... "...I wouldn't want to put my name on such a mess either!"
That would be like putting a signature on a shitty piece of toilet paper or something! Harry thought to himself and laughed aloud...
He hung out in the girls bathroom for about an hour 'playing' with the sock before he figured he'd better head back to his own room. At one point it even got stuck to his fool face when he took an extra long sniff! But anways...
"Oh gros, Harry!" Ron exclaimed.
Ron had been wearing the 'maroon ish' sweater-shirt that his mother "Mrs. Weasleys" had knitted for him with her own greasy cigarette smoke stained fingers because his family is so poor. That's when Harry ejaculated all over it!
But it was already covered in Ron's whole familys excretions!...
Mrs. Weasley couldn't afford any expensive dyes for her sweater yarn and they had to make due. Because the Weasleys are so poor they also couldn't afford tissues or toilet paper and because Mr.s Weasleys is so very clever despite her financial straits she figured out a way to kill two birds one stone and the whole family spent that previous year using Ron's undyed soon to-be-sweater- as a napkin for their mesy chef Boyardee dinners. Because they are too poor to buy forks they just had to use their bare hands which they then wiped off on the plain yarn colored sweater. They also used it as a towel to save money and they wiped their asses with it too, but just the left sleeve like the Romans used to do...
That's where the sweater got its color from afterall.
As a result of which Ron's Christmas sweater was super fucking gross and all the other boys and girls would tease him whenever he wore it out in public. Malfoy especially was cruel and he liked to blow his nose with its hem whenever he got the chance, all, of course, accompanied by the uproarious and cruel laughter of his fellow sycophantic Slytherins!... Of course as you have undoubtedly surmised (this is a mystery story after all!) Draco Malfoy had ulterious motives... Really he would kneel down in front of the thoroughly embarrassed Weasley boy and wipe all his snot and boogers off on the sweaters hem as an excuse to get an eyeful of what Ron was packing downstairs in the Meat Department.
anyways, back in the dormitories
"I thought we agreed that you were going to use the House Elfs to... well... er... release your tensions into as opposed to so brazenly blowing your load all over this our shared bedroom!" Ron stammered, utterly bemused by the jizz slopping down his sweater front.
"Sorry mate," Harry purred as cool blue cigarette smoke curled from between his sweaty lips.
Harry's penis was absolutely enormous. It lay coiled on his lap like some girthy predator, satiated for now but ready to spring into action again at any moments notice! Because Harry used a magical spell to make his dick so big.
"Oh great!" Ron exclaimed, because now that Harry had used his big fat cock to spray his musky sperm all over Ron, intentionally, as it were, as soon as the unfortunate fellow entered the room it had gotten soaked into the fibers of the sweater which were already thoroughly doused in the bloody froth from Ron's mums vagina, among other ejecta... somewhere along the way Mrs. Weasley must have needed a feminine wipe because of her period blood and like all Irish women she just grabbed the nearest article of clothing, which happened to be Ron's chef- boyardee and shit and piss and booger stained sweater. To make a 'sticky situation' even worse it would appear that Mrs Weasley had been ovulating at the time she'd wiped her bloody termination with her sons soon-to-be-maroon Christmas sweater so that now Ron's sweater is pregnant with Harry and his own mothers illegitimate bastard child!
"How can this be happening!?" Ron exclaimed utterly bemused. His nasty old sweater was growing visibly pregnant right before his dumbfounded eyes!
It looks like those troublesome Time Skips have stirred upa whole mess of trouble yet again!
Harry placed an absolutely filthy hand upon Ron's quivering shoulder, the were coated in his pre cum and ejaculate plus the mess from the sock he found earlier that combined stickyness caused every bit of dust and grime and dirt and slime to stick to his crummy cummy hands. Also the boys dormitory was become absolutely dirty ever since the House Elfs were had stopped going in there...
"You see, Ron," Harry began to explain, "ever since Time Skips have been Unleashed the expression of "time flow" has become increasingly omni-directional and erratic!"
Ron could barely focus upon Harry's patient explanations... He sure felt soiled now that it was his own sweater which formed a cross temporal conduit through which his own dear yet admittedly perverted and somewhat unhinged friend and mother to basically have sex with each other through!
"Now that I've basically flooded your moms uterus with my abundant seed through the magic of Transference we are having a baby together!" Harry said enthusiastically.
"Wh-how?" Stammered Ron. This mystery was utterly beyond him!
Harry smacked Ron on the shoulder, "Through all these Time Skips of course! Why, you didn't think that Time Skips could be Unleashed without repercussions did you?"
Since the dawn of mankind human beings have always clearly understood that Time and Space are really just two different expressions of the same dynamic principle. The only real difference, of course, is a matter of semantics, reflecting upon the limitations of language...
"So you spent yourself erotically inside my mom when you blasted me with your jizz just now!?" Ron stammered, finally catching on...
Ron sure wasn't pleased about this! Both of his parents had already taken an unnerving interest in the boy who lived... Anyways Ron's mum and dad were always pestering him about Harry like how Mrs. Weasley had always insisted on measuring Harry for his school robes herself and privately to boot! Probably a little too private Ron reckoned grimly! And Mr Weasley was even worse! Always on Ron about "oh, but can't you like, get me some of his underwear so I can study the fabrics that muggles use to swaddle their nethers with? And also, like, maybe a video or whatever of him jerking off? You can tell him it's for me if you have to... it doesn't matter if he knows he's being filmed or not... it's... for... er... um... work...right, work, it's for work, Ron." Mr Weasley would always say whenever he got the chance! "Jeez dad!" Ron thought.
So Ron knew his daddy was going to be obnoxiously aroused by the way Harry had so cleverly cuckolded him!
"You're going to have a baby brother or sister, Ron!" Harry congratulated his utterly bemused friend, Ron Weasley.
"These damn Time Skips!" Ron yelled out furiously.
That's when Harry realized something else! He's not a detective for nothing you know! Anyways, Harry had been admiring his 'handiwork' and it got him thinking about Ron's gross as hell family who had all spent a year wiping up after themselves with Ron's Maroon Christmas Sweater because of how poor they are...
"Of course!" He thought, Harry finally realized that the rolled up sock he found earlier that had been used as a tampon could be none other than Ginny Weasley because she was the only Irish girl who went to Hogwarts! "It's so obvious that's why I couldn't see it! Right under my nose!" Harry exclaimed excitedly.
Ron cocked his head at Harry like a confused dog does... "What you mean, Harry?" Ron asked the boy who lived...
That's when Ginny Weasley came the room. She stood shyly in front of the big glass windows, like Ron's sweater she too was visibly pregnant, and like Harry guessed, wearing only one sock!
"It looks like I'll be having 'Irish Twins' of a sort!" Harry winked lasciviously at Ron, Ginny's blood and semen soaked soak splashed onto the floor between them...
"These damn Time Skips!" Ron exclaimed furiously!