Mirio blinked.
He probably should get up.
He had been lying in bed since he ate breakfast.
Mirio knew his dad was concerned, and that he was trying not to pry despite his clear worry.
He would need to shower today.
It wouldn't make his dad's concerns go away, but showering would at least make him worry just a bit less.
But Mirio couldn't really bring himself to get up at the moment, he would need to do it later then, sometime before the sunset.
With that in mind he looked up to the clock on Sunny's side of the room.
It would still be three hours before Sunny would come back home, still training for...
His stomach twisting made him bury his face in his pillow.
Mirio knew he was probably overreacting, but he couldn't help feeling awful, tears building in the corners of his eyes.
How could he not?
After a whole year of work, he thought was to help build him up to be the hero he wanted to be, of hours upon hours of work to reach a point he was finally getting rid of the envy that plagued him.
Only for the truth to come out.
Of course, Sir wouldn't think he'd be a good hero on his own.
Just some... some vessel that looked like the hero he was obsessed with.
Mirio wanted to be angry.
Angry like Masao, Nejire, Haya, Oz and Sunny, to have the same hate that boiled their blood coursing through his veins.
But he couldn't.
No, the only thing he could do was bury his head in the sand and ignore everything around him.
Because if he didn't then he'd have to acknowledge the feeling that came when he learned that Sir was... grooming him.
Used.
Mirio's skin crawled even thinking about it, but it was true regardless.
As painful as it was to admit.
He moved from covering his face with the pillow to crushing it to his chest in a hug, his fingers digging into the pillow instead of his palms.
Biting his lip as he recalled his interactions with Sir before now.
Of each fond look on Sir's face when he showed the man his progress in the man's 'special' plan for him.
Looks that once filled him with such pride and warmth, looks that now left him wanting to throw up.
But even as bad as that sounded, Mirio knew that people would not begrudge him for feeling that way, they probably expected it even.
They wouldn't be so understanding of his desperation, though.
Desperation for his appearance to not be the only reason as to why Sir chose him.
It sounded bad in his own mind but he still wanted it, wanted for there to be a reason that he was picked out of all the people the Sir could have chosen, like Sir actually thought he was competent or, or something.
That he held some kind of meaning to the man other than being his vessel for Yagi's quirk damn it!
Mirio thought that Sir was his mentor for fucks sake!
That Sir really believed in him and his goals and wanted so badly for him to succeed that he had gone out of his way to help him every step of his journey.
But no, Mirio was just a piece in a plan, and he was only being trained to become the next All Might or something, likely to replace the real All Might in Sir's life after the man had cut ties with him.
And wasn't that just the kicker?
The part that left him all but gutted in his bed.
That Sir probably never saw Mirio as himself.
Just a replacement for the man that Sir obsessed over.
Like he wasn't worth the man's attention by himself, that even when he was being groomed, he still wasn't enough on his own and it still had to be about someone else.
God, he sounded whinny and jealous when he put it like that.
But Mirio couldn't think of any other way to say it, which is why he never said anything to anyone about how he felt about Sir grooming him.
Because just how messed up could his head get?
First, he couldn't stop feeling jealous of his friends for their hard work, now here he was wallowing in a pity-party over the fact his mentor grooming him hadn't even been because Sir was that obsessed with him.
It was so messed up; how could he even think about talking about it with anyone?
So Mirio did the only sensible thing he could do and stayed curled up in bed, waiting for his emotions to sort themselves out.
If it was also more comfortable than talking it out with Inu-San then it was just a small bonus.
A sudden knock on his door made him jump though, Sunny couldn't be back this early and his dad had checked on him half an hour ago so it couldn't be him.
"Y-yes?" he said, voice croaking somewhat.
"It's Midoriya Togata-San, do you mind if I come in?" Deku-Sensei of all people asked back.
Mirio's brain stalled for a moment, what was he doing here? Had something happened to Sunny and Nejire.
With that awful thought Mirio forced himself to his feet and over to his door, pulling it open.
"Is Sunny, okay?" Mirio asked with wide eyes.
Deku-Sensei blinked a bit stunned, then held his hands up placatingly.
"Amajiki-San is alright, I just came to speak with you Togata-San." Deku-sensei assured him.
"Oh." lamely fell from Mirio's mouth.
He'd been expecting one of his friends to stop beating around the bush at some point, maybe a teacher, though this was sooner than he thought they would talk with him, Sunny and Nejire had only taken Inheritance the day before.
And not having the energy to fight about it though Mirio just moved away from the doorway and sat back on his bed.
Deku-Sensei followed him in and then asked him "Would you like to come to my farm to see and pet the sheep?"
Mirio's brain stalled again and a small "Eh?" was the only thing he managed to say in his confusion.
Sheep? Farm?
"I can imagine that despite everyone's best intentions, you've been feeling a bit suffocated by everyone's attention on you," Deku-sensei explained gently with a soft but understanding smile.
Mirio, ducked his head ashamed and hugging his pillow close to him, because although he would never say it, Deku-Sensei was right about all of the concern being suffocating, it certainly helped him understand why Sunny would hide away even when he tried to the same for him.
"So, I thought you might like a few hours away from, well, everything." Deku-Sensei offered once again.
Mirio rubbed his neck and he looked away from Deku-Sensei.
It... sounded like fun, and the idea of just playing with some sheep did sound better than laying around his room again, his dad would also like it if he got some more sun.
"I don't know, I'm not exactly dressed to go anywhere." Mirio replied, looking at the pajamas he had been wearing... for the last couple of days.
Deku-Sensei waved his hand dismissively.
"Don't worry about how you look, most of my workers there have been to rock bottom more than once in their lives, and even then, it's the warmest part of the year so you just need a coat." Deku-Sensei told him with a reassuring smile.
Mirio considered that new information, weighting it carefully before ultimately nodding his head.
"I guess I could go, just for an hour though." Mirio begrudgingly agreed, if word got back, he went out of the house with Deku-Sensei for a little while, then his friends might worry less about him.
"Okay, I told your dad we might be going out, so I just need to contact our ride." Deku-Sensei commented, pulling out his phone and texting someone.
And to his surprise swirling black and purple mist suddenly appeared in the middle of his room and grew to be bigger than himself.
Mirio's mouth dropped, and he felt a bit dumb as he pointed at the mist cloud that suddenly appeared.
Deku-Sensei chuckled "I told your dad about this too, and he gave permission for us to use a teleportation quirk to get to and from. Just make sure to hold your breath before you go through." Deku-Sensei informed him then motioned to the portal, waiting for him to go first.
Mirio hesitated before he moved to grab some slippers to wear at least something and then cautiously approached the mist portal.
Taking a deep breath, then with his eyes closed walked forward as fast as he could, hoping for it to not feel that weird, or if it did the feeling would pass quickly.
The soft brush of mist hit him then he was suddenly dragging into it, then for a moment Mirio thought his quirk had been activated by the mist before the smell of ozone hit him hard.
Before his body lurched forward and he quickly found his footing from his years of experience.
Then he covered his eyes with his hand because this new colder place was way brighter than his room had been.
Then when his eyes adjusted, he saw he was standing by a field with a fence in front of him with large fluffy sheep on the other side of the fence.
Mirio stared at the peaceful scene until a small cough came from behind and Mirio jumped, turning quickly to see who it was.
And perhaps he should have expected it, but it was just Deku-Sensei behind him.
"Do you want to go in? The sheep are incredibly tame and will just walk around us if we decide to lay down in the pasture." Deku-Sensei asked him softly.
"Sure, why not?' Mirio replied, following Deku-Sensei in and settled down under a tree, a few sheep coming over to them and even getting to play with a lamb for a bit.
All of which was a much-needed distraction from the little depressive slump he had been in, after all how could he think about Sir when there was the cutest little lamb 'beaing' at him.
"I dreamed of being a hero you know." Deku-sensei suddenly said bring Mirio out of his pleasant daze of sheep to stare at him.
"You did?" Mirio questioned surprised, half because of the statement itself and half because it had been the first time he had spoken since they entered the paddock half an hour ago.
"Yeah, up until about three years ago the thing I wanted most in life was to become a hero," Deku-sensei confirmed with a nod, then a huff of amusement which made the sheep resting its head on his lap stir a bit, but ultimately stayed put.
"I probably watched All Might's debut video a million times, hoping that one day I could be just like him." Deku-Sensei confessed wistfully as started petting the sheep on him.
"Really? But you would be such a good hero just as you are." Mirio pointed out causing Deku-Sensei to chuckle under his breath, shaking his head.
"I wasn't anything like I am now all those years ago Togata-San, just another kid starting middle school and as quirkless as the day I was born." Deku-Sensei told him, a bittersweet smile on his face.
"Okay, but look at you now, you would have definitely become a great hero in your own right. Why would you need a quirk with how cool you are all on your own?" Mirio argued pointing both of his hands at Deku-Sensei palms up.
Deku-Sensei's lip trembled and there was something... sad in his gaze now.
"You know, I don't think I'll ever get used to people telling me that. That people only started telling me that after I gave up my dream of being a hero." Deku-Sensei muttered, likely not intending for Mirio to hear him.
"You gave up your dream? Why?" Mirio questioned flabbergasted.
Despite knowing that Deku-Sensei was two years younger than him, he couldn't see the boy ever giving up on anything in his life without a fight, and even if he lost that fight there was no way he'd just let it go without some amount of a spiteful reaction.
"Because no matter what I did, I could never be enough." Deku-Sensei answered looking away into the distance.
Mirio on the other hand, felt his jaw drop.
"Not enough?" he repeated in his disbelief, how could someone like Deku-Sensei not be enough?
Deku-Sensei chuckled, though this didn't sound amused but... forced.
"It didn't matter how hard I worked, the hours of research I did or how hard I would have trained myself if given the chance, I was quirkless. And that was all anyone would ever see." Deku-Sensei morosely explained, a smile forcibly kept on his face.
Mirio's heart fell hearing that, and he remembered the articles and stories constantly run about Deku-Sensei, and even the protest the first years gave on Deku-Sensei's behalf.
"Surely someone must have thought you could do it though, right?" Mirio asked, pulling his legs to his chest and hugging them.
The smile fell from Deku-Sensei's face.
"My childhood friend I promised to be hero partners with when we grew up refused to even speak to me and started to bully me. Everyone else kept telling me to be 'realistic' and my mom? When I asked her if I could still be a hero if I didn't have a quirk... she just apologized to me." Deku-Sensei told him, his eyes losing a lot of the life in them as he stared at the ground.
Mirio felt choked by the other's admission.
He couldn't even comprehend how he'd feel if he had been in Deku-Sensei's place, constantly looking and begging for someone to believe in him or to let him have even a scrap of hope.
And having it crushed at every turn.
His dad had been worried but even still his dad supported him, Mirio couldn't imagine how bad it would have felt if his dead had just apologized to him instead of helping him.
"I did my best to hide it, but it hurt so much... knowing that no matter what I did, that I would never be enough, not to be a hero, or even a living breathing and thinking person to some people." Deku-Sensei continued to tell him, one of his hands coming up to rest over his heart.
"Even now, despite everything I'm doing now, even though I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that there are hundreds of people that rely on me to get by, I struggle with feeling like I'll ever be enough." Deku-Sensei confessed somberly as his fingers clenched the fabric of his shirt and vest.
"But- But Miyake always talks about how much you do, about the people you save and all the work you do for the community every day! You've helped so many of us live so much better and understand our quirks, you've helped me!" Mirio protested, his arms failing slightly as if trying to help with his point, but he couldn't think of what to do with them.
Deku-Sensei scoffed and looked up to him with half-lidded eyes.
"And? All that I can do now won't ever erase the years and years of helplessness I felt. Being able to help people now can't make me forget every time someone made me feel like I was so much worse than nothing." Deku-Sensei told him, slightly bitter.
"What could be worse than nothing?" Mirio questioned, unsure why that of all things was what he asked.
"A liability." Deku-Sensei replied flatly.
Mirio practically and physically recoiled hearing his answer.
Remembering how often that had been told to him when he told people he wanted to be a hero.
From his classmates, both by those well-meaning and maliciously by others.
Even his counselor had tried to strongly dissuade him from heroics because someone with a quirk like his wouldn't be much help and that he would only be a distraction to the other heroes on scene at best.
"And you know that wasn't even the worst part of what they did to me back then." Deku-Sensei said looking away from him and over the horizon to something that wasn't there.
Mirio's mouth opened to ask but words wouldn't come to him, Deku-Sensei though continued without Mirio to prompt him.
"It was how desperate they made me feel to please them." Deku-Sensei told him, and the words hit Mirio straight in the chest.
"It didn't matter how badly they treated me; I thought that maybe if I did just a little more then I'd be enough. Maybe if I was quieter, they'd like me better, maybe if I stopped doing this or that. If I did all of the classroom chores and helped them with their homework, they'd stop being mean to me." Deku-Sensei detailed for him.
Mirio's stomach twisted as he listened on in silent horror thinking about it, remembering how he had done the same things himself before Ueno and his friends were expelled and feeling even more awful for Deku-Sensei.
"But it would never be enough, nothing I could have done was ever going to be enough for them." Deku-Sensei said just above a whisper.
"And when I think back to that time, the scariest thought that comes to mind is that I don't know just how much I would have let them do to me, I probably would have let them do anything they wanted to me just to be human again to them." Deku-Sensei confessed.
A soberness came to Mirio with that thought.
Just how much would he have let Sir get away with?
Sir had his number, given him a strict training schedule he'd barely question and all but commanded his diet, and if Sir told him to come over to his agency for more training he had gone over.
And for the most part he never questioned any of that... just let Sir do it because he wanted to make Sir proud of him.
God, just what else would he have let Sir do?
"Togata, do you know why I'm telling you these things?" Deku-Sensei asked, bringing Mirio back out of his thoughts.
Mirio tried to think of a reason, but his brain was a bit clogged up from his emotions running all over the place.
"S-so that I know I'm not alone?" Mirio weakly offered after a minute.
"I suppose that is a part of the reason yes, but more importantly I want you to know I have been in the same place you were too, and that I understand how conflicted you feel right now," Deku-Sensei told him, placing a firm hand on Mirio's shoulder.
Mirio's eyes met Deku-Sensei's.
"And that despite knowing more than anything that you should hate him, you wished that Sir actually wanted you for who you were." Deku-Sensei said, a bone deep understanding in his eyes.
Mirio buried his face in his knees, ashamed of having it said out loud.
"Sir... was someone important to you, someone you thought you could trust, and he took advantage of that." Deku-Sensei told him, squeezing Mirio's shoulder harder.
"And when someone like that hurts you, it will always leave your emotions all jumbled up in ways that makes you feel awful in ways that don't make sense to everyone." Deku-Sensei explained.
"So, when you want to talk about it, I want you to know that I will never judge you because I have been in the same place emotionally and will tell you something that is very important for you to know." Deku-Sensei promised.
Mirio raised his head to look at Deku-Sensei.
"You are more than enough to achieve your goal, and you have already saved some people and have 999,995 more people to save left." Deku-Sensei told him, taking Mirio off guard.
"What?" Mirio questioned staring at him.
"During your internships, you saved four people after you were allowed into the field properly, but even long before that, you saved someone just by being exactly who you've always been." Deku-Sensei explained, a smile coming back to his face.
"I, who did I... " Mirio tried to ask, his mind racing to figure out who Deku-Sensei could be talking about and struggling to figure who it could be.
"You saved Amajiki." Deku-Sensei answered simply.
"What? But I didn't-" Mirio tried to protest but Deku-Sensei chuckled.
"There are different ways you can save someone Mirio, and you saved Amajiki in a way most people couldn't or wouldn't think he would need saving from." Deku-Sensei told him.
Mirio stared at him, waiting for him to explain further.
"You saved him from being forced to live a life that would have been utterly miserable and inspired him to reach for the things he's always wanted in life." Deku-Sensei said with a fond smile.
Mirio felt even more lost as he stared at Deku-Sensei.
"Tell me this, do you think that Amajiki would have ever had the courage to pursue his dream of being a hero on his own? That he would have even known he wanted to save people if it wasn't for you standing by his side the whole way?" Deku-Sensei asked him.
"Of course he would." Mirio replied instantly.
Deku-Sensei hummed.
"Maybe he would have wanted to be a hero, but Amajiki would have never had the strength to choose a different path then the one he felt obligated to do for his family without you there by his side." Deku-Sensei told him.
"But I was just his friend." Mirio protested.
Deku-Sensei chuckled, a fond look on his face.
"People often underestimate just how much of a role they play in the lives of the people they're closest to." Deku-Sensei said shaking his head.
"You stood by his side ever since you met, supporting Amajiki no matter what and defending him and his desires regardless of what happened, drove him to be the best version of himself and comforted him when he needed it." Deku-Sensei detailed for him and Mirio couldn't help feeling bashful.
"You were Amajiki's first hero and now because of you, he is on his way to live his best life and surrounded by people who love him, and he became stronger than he ever thought he would be as a star student of the best hero school in the world." Deku-Sensei further elaborated.
Mirio buried his face in his knees, flustered this time around instead of ashamed.
Deku-Sensei was giving him way too much credit for Sunny's hard work, Sunny was always going to be someone amazing, he had just given Sunny a little push here or there.
"You aren't All Might, but you never had to be. Because even since you were little you were the kind of hero that saved people in the most important way possible, the kind of hero that Amajiki and I needed most in life." Deku-Sensei said, letting his head fall to one side.
"What... kind of hero is that?" Mirio tepidly asked.
"The kind that empowers and inspires people to be the best version of themselves, a hero that cares for everyone's dreams and helps them achieve them to the best of your abilities, and you are going to change the world with your kindness." Deku-Sensei answered.
And that was the final blow to his heart, as Mirio began to cry and leaned against Deku-Sensei.
Deku-Sensei didn't say anything and just wrapped an arm around his shoulders and let him get it all out.
Izuku glaring while holding his Eraserhead mug.
Izuku: Togata, doesn't need fixing or rebuilding. He is perfect exactly as he is and he just needs more fluff and someone to listen to his feelings without judgement.
Izuku, glares harder: And I strongly resent the fact anyone would imply otherwise.
Izuku: Now if you excuse me, I have a student to comfort as the resident emotional support broccoli with hot chocolate and sheep