Hello, everyone! MythMaker258 back with the newest chapter of DBS Reacts to DBZ Abridged! Yay! So sorry I haven't been available but I've had other things to attend to. Now, I don't own anything, blah blah disclaimer blah blah. Now onto response to comments:
To GXAL: Thanks. I have real hopes for this fanfic.
To Guest that commented on February 9: Yeah, after reading a bunch of Yugioh reacts to Yugioh Abridged fanfics, I decided this would be thing.
To goodyfresh: True. So true.
To Didact Brainiac 99 and thewittywhy: Oh, thanks for the compliment. I'll try to make this great.
To CyberDragonEX: I've been waiting for this type of plot for years after reading other "characters reacts to their own abridged version" fanfics.
Anyways, let's start the fic already. God, I'm so excited!
Goku sat excitedly on the couch inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, bouncing in his seat.
"This is going to be so fun!" he exclaimed.
"Goku, act your age," Chichi scolded. "You have to set an example to the children."
Goku looks to his side at Goten and Trunks, who are also bouncing in their seat. Goku chuckles nervously. "Oh, come on, Chichi! It's alright. Just trying to have fun."
Chichi sighed with Bulma patting on her back sympathetically.
"I feel your pain," the richest woman on Earth said.
"I know," Chichi said. "So when are the others coming?"
Then, by pure coincidence, both Beerus and Whiz appeared in the room in a flash of light. Dende and Mr. Popo gave a little bow to both of them.
"Welcome to our home, Lord Beerus," they said nervously.
"It's good to be here, Guardian," Beerus growled. "Do you have refreshments?"
"Oh, it's over here," Bulma quickly interrupted. She led the God of Destruction and his angel attendant to the buffet, where they quickly grabbed their share.
"Delicious," Beerus smiled as he grabbed a bowl of popcorn and other goodies. "This popcorn is salty and delicious. Completely wonderful!" He turned to his attendant. "Oh, Whiz, let the others out now."
"Of course, my lord," Whiz said, his staff spinning around and emitting light. Suddenly, a large group of people fell to the ground.
"Ouch!"
"Where am I?"
"Oh, hell. I'm on Earth again."
"Lord Beerus?"
"Good day, everyone," Lord Beerus said, still snacking on popcorn. "I've gathered you all here because we've been given a gift by the Omni-King. Apparently, it's a series of videos that are the "funniest thing in all of the multiverse.""
"Wait a minute," Android 17 said annoyed. "I was having dinner with my family. I need to get back to them."
"No need," Dende said. "This is the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."
Android 17's eye raises. "The what?"
"It's a room where time goes faster," Vegeta explained. "We typically used this to train at accelerated paces."
"Actually, we first started using it to train to fight… well you," Goku smiled, rubbing the back of his head.
"Oh, that's how you got as strong as Cell," Android 18 said.
"While all this is fascinating," Beerus said, taking a bit of a chocolate éclair, "let's begin the viewing. Everyone take your seats!"
They all scrambled into comfortable positions as Mr. Popo threw down a capsule containing a large TV, then inserting the CD into it.
Music rings out as the view of a mountainside appears. The scene changes to a forest where two birds fly around, then to a mountainside and a field where more wildlife can be seen.
"Well this is quite peaceful," Chichi smiled.
Suddenly, a large object falls to the Earth, creating a large explosion and scaring away the local birds. A farmer jumped in surprise.
Farmer: Oh, God, no! My marijuana patch!
"I take it back," Chichi deadpans.
"What's mari- marigi- margiuuna…?" Marron attempted to ask.
"Nothing you need to know," Android 18 quickly said, holding her daughter close.
Farmer: Ahh, I mean, er.… My carrot patch…. Yeah….
He quickly got into his car and sped towards the fallen object.
Farmer: I'd better do what any sensible middle American would do in this situation… GET MAH GUN!
Trunks scoffs. "Guns are for sissies!"
Goten nodded in agreement. "Yeah!"
The normal humans look at the boys. "Is it weird that our children think this?" Bulma asked Chichi.
"I've honestly stopped wondering things like this," Chichi sighed.
The view quickly moves to to a spaceship.
Frieza and Vegeta blink. "That's…."
"Isn't that one of your minions' spaceships, Frieza?" Beerus asked bored, throwing chips into his mouth.
"Yes, though I don't know whose it is," Frieza nodded.
"It looks familiar," Vegeta said.
The spaceship opens and a brilliant light shines out, obscuring images as something climbs out.
Spaceship: Hello, and welcome to Earth! With open bar.
Farmer: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeh-
The image became clearer.
Farmer: Er-no! I-it's an alien! HOLY SHIT, IT'S AN ALIEN!
"I love Sonic the Hedgehog!" the two boys shouted excitedly.
"He's so fast!" Goten beamed.
"But also super tough," Trunks agreed.
"Wait," Goku said. "Is that-"
"Raditz," Vegeta said.
"That name sounds familiar…" Frieza said. "Wasn't he assigned to Vegeta…?"
"Who's Raditz?" Android 17 asked.
"Goku's evil brother," Krillin said. "He died ages ago."
Both Chichi and Gohan's fist tightened at the sight of him.
"Why is Raditz on the screen?" Goku wondered.
"Shut up, Kakarot, and we'll see," Vegeta snapped.
Raditz: Finally, on this dead planet… w-wait, what the crap? Did Kakarot screw this up?!
"You had one job…" Vegeta said, staring at Goku, who chuckled nervously.
Raditz: Oh God damnit, I knew we should have sent Turles.
Goku blinked. "Turles?"
"A low class Saiyan warrior," Vegeta answered. "I honestly have no idea what happened to him."
Farmer (thinking): Better think of something cool to say to make him stop
Raditz's scanner is shown analyzing the farmer.
Farmer: Hey, you!
Farmer (thinking): Heh. Genius, farmer. Genius.
This made everyone laugh.
"That's what he went with!" Yamcha laughed.
"That's just stupid!" Krillin chuckled.
Raditz: Aw, look at him! He thinks he's people! What's your power level, little human? Five, huh?
Farmer (scared): Protect me, gun!
The farmer fires at Raditz, who simply catches it.
"When have guns actually worked on you all?" Bulma asked.
"Um… maybe years ago," Krillin replied.
"I think I may have gotten a light scratch from a burglar a while ago," Goku said.
Raditz: Hey! No! Bad human!
Raditz casually flicks the bullet into the farmer who smashes into his truck.
Farmer: Damnit! I voted for Bush!
Raditz: Bad. Now get back up and tell me you're sorry.
Raditz is met with silence and he quickly realize his mistake.
Raditz: Human? Huuuman. *sigh* So this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule.
The Dragon Ball Z Abridged Theme Song quickly rang, as well as fast images of DBZ scenes.
"Wait, is that us?" Tien asked. "Why are we there?"
"Is this some sort of retelling?" Gohan wondered.
"Sure seems like it," Whiz said, sipping some tea. "When is this?"
"This happened when I was little," Gohan said. "Raditz kidnapped me and-"
"Hush now," Beerus chastised. "No spoilers."
Piccolo is then shown standing in a wasteland.
Piccolo: Good old wasteland! Yup. Sure is some kickass training!
Suddenly, Goku became excited at the mention of the word training.
"Training?"
Chichi sighed. "Goku, no."
"Training?"
"I said, no."
"Training?"
"No."
Goku looked down saddened. "Training."
Piccolo: Damnit, I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace….
Gohan and Dende each throw an arm around Piccolo, who smiles.
A MySpace profile page of Piccolo appeared.
Piccolo: No new comments, no friend requests, damnit. Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
"So, this is definitely fake because I don't even own a device to use social media," Piccolo said.
"Seems like it," Vegeta said, "but I have to wonder who made this."
"Questions for later," Beerus ordered.
Raditz (calling from far away): Hey, you!
Piccolo: What the hell?
Raditz: Are you Kakarot? Seriously, if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It's really important!
Vegeta snorted. "That idiot thought you were Kakarot. He really was an idiot."
Raditz lands and scans Piccolo.
Raditz: Oh, wait a second. You're nor Kakarot. My bad!
Piccolo: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like so many other people.
Everyone chuckled except Vegeta and Frieza, who sighed at Raditz's incompetence.
Raditz: Oh, a smartass huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack! DOUBLE SUN-
Suddenly the screen went gray.
?: No.
"What's this?" Chichi asked.
"Not sure," Master Roshi said.
Raditz: Huh?
?: Give me the mike!
Raditz: What? N-no! Come on, man!
?: Give me! Give me the mic!
A screen showing small versions of the Z Fighters, with Goku squaring off with Piccolo.
"Okay, what exactly is happening here?" Videl asked.
"I honestly have no idea," Gohan replied.
"Are those the voice actors?" Bulma wonders.
Raditz: But that's the real attack na-
?: NO, IT ISN'T!
Raditz: Fine. Here. Take it. I'll just go practice my Vegeta. Ass.
"Looks like you were right, Mom," Trunks said, with a big grin on his face. He was obviously enjoying the video.
The screen turns back to Raditz and time slightly rewinds.
Raditz (new voice): Then prepare yourself for my signature attack. Keep Your Eye on the Bird- Ooo! A higher power level.
Raditz flies off.
Piccolo: Hey! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?
Raditz: Ah. There we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are- D'ah, screw it I'll just go and check.
Raditz flies off as Piccolo merely watches.
Piccolo: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway. Right, Tom?
The scene changes to Bulma's ship, with the radio blasting "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." Bulma quickly lands her ship on Master Roshi's island.
"Hey, it's you, Mom!" Trunks exclaimed excitedly.
"Yeah," Bulma said, as she burped Balma. "I see."
Bulma: Hey! I'm here!
Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!
Android 17, Android 18, and Vegeta all give Krillin dirty looks while Krillin and Bulma blush, with Krillin wanting to hide.
Krillin: Hi.
Bulma: Oooookaayyyy…. How's it going?
Bulma smiles. "My reaction entirely."
Roshi: I'm drinking OJ!
A ding rings.
Roshi: Now it's apple juice!
Another ding rings.
Roshi: Now it's beer! Yay, beer!
Roshi grumbles. "Wish I had that power."
"It does seem useful," Beerus said, thinking on what kind of delicious Earth drinks that could be summoned.
Roshi takes a gulp of beer.
Krillin: So, where's Yamcha?
Bulma: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
Everyone blinks in surprise, with Vegeta giving Yamcha a death glare.
Yamcha stood up, angry. "Bull! I would never have cheated on Bulma! When we were going out, I was a perfect gentleman!"
Krillin: Why do you say that?
The scene changes to a shot of Bulma in a doorway. A silhouette of Yamcha appears.
Yamcha: Bulma! It's not what it looks li- Oh OK, it's totally what it looks like.
"You were saying?" Vegeta glared, energy surrounding his fist. Yamcha ran behind Mr. Popo and Goku, using the two as shields.
"Oh, calm down, Vegeta," Bulma said, dragging him down. "That's obviously edited." She pulls him close. "Plus, even if he did, it doesn't matter. That was the past. Now I have you." She gives him a little kiss on the cheek.
Vegeta jumped back blushing. "You know I hate your sneak attacks!"
Bulma laughs at his response.
Yamcha: Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert. Oh, and have you changed Puar's litter box yet?
Puar: I make boom-boom!
The flashback ends.
Krillin: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char- So you're single then?
Krillin hides behind the cowering Yamcha, to avoid the wrath of his wife and Vegeta.
Then the scene changes to Goku and a child Gohan flying down on Nimbus.
"Hey, it's me and Dad!" Gohan smiled.
"Aw," Videl gushes. "You're so cute."
Gohan gives Videl a kiss on the cheek.
Goku: Hey, guys!
The door opens and both Bulma and Krillin run to greet him.
Bulma: Goku!
Krillin: Tail- uh, wait, what?
Goku laughs.
Bulma: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
Krillin: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
This made the original Z-Fighters (from the original Dragon Ball series) smiled and/or chuckle in amusement.
Goku: Uh, OK…. This is actually my son.
Cue a dramatic sting and the shocked reactions of Bulma, Krillin, and Roshi. Suddenly, M. Night Shyamalan appeared on the screen.
M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist!
Beerus raises his brow. "Um, who is this human?"
"M. Night Shyamalan," Mr. Satan answered. "He's a director and is usually responsible for movies with major twists in their plots."
Bulma: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally…. You know….
Goku: Know what?
Roshi: You know…. "Bow-chicka-wow-wow"!
Goku: What are those noises you're making?
Bulma and Roshi (terrified and thinking): Oh my God, he's a parent!
Goku looked confused. "Why is that so shocking?"
Bulma groaned, putting a hand on her head. "Sometimes I still can't believe he has two children."
"It is surprising," Vegeta agreed.
Krillin rushed to Goku's defense. "Oh, he's not that bad."
"Oh, he is, Krillin," Chichi sighed. "He is."
The scene changes to Gohan playing with Turtle.
Krillin: So, when's the little guy gonna start training?
Goku: Actually, Chi-chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be…. What's it called?
Krillin: A productive and responsible member of society?
Chichi nods in approval.
"Too bad that didn't completely work out," Gohan said.
Chichi glared at Goku, who panicked. "Blame Piccolo, he trained him!" he said.
Piccolo shrank from the glare coming off of Chichi.
Goku: Yeah, lame! That's it!
Chichi's anger is diverted back to Goku.
Goku: Hey son, come here! Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things….
"What's wrong with turtles?" the Turtle Hermit huffed.
Bulma crouches down.
Bulma: Hey, is that a Dragon Ball on his head? Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains who might want them?
"You put a Dragon Ball on your child's head?" Frieza deadpanned.
"And you let him?" Vegeta asked Chichi.
"Um… yes?" both answered nervously.
Both aliens thought angrily. 'How did I ever lose to him!'
Goku: Aw, come on! I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who- HOLY BLACK ON A POPO, WHAT IS THAT?!
Mr. Popo blinks. "Black on a Popo?"
Tien puts his hands on his hips. "That sounds rather racist."
Roshi: What's wrong?
Goku: I just felt a power level bigger than… than… Krillin's losing streak!
"HEY!" Krillin shouted as a few people tried to desperately hide their chuckles.
Cue another dramatic sting.
Krillin: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy.
Goku (thinking): He's… getting closer….
Dramatic music rises.
Krillin: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi-
Just then, Raditz landed nearby. Both Goku and Krillin got into fighting stances.
Raditz: Oh son of a-
Raditz: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you… Kakarot.
Goku: What?
Raditz: That's right. That's your name.
Goku: What?
Raditz: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.
Goku: What?
Raditz: You… hit your head as a child, didn't you?
The scene then shows a flashback to when Goku was a child and his head slamming into the ground.
'This explains… everything!" everyone except Goku thought. Goku, meanwhile, was wondering why they were all staring at him.
Both Gokus: What?
Everyone else facepalms.
Raditz: Oh, for God's sake, listen. You were sent here as a child to take over the planet, you're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans, and to top off this expositional onslaught… I… am your BROTHER!
As he talks, scenes of space and Saiyans are shown through flashbacks. Then another dramatic sting is made, and the scene shows Goku, Bulma, Krillin, Roshi, and strangely a crab's reaction.
Goten laughed at the falling crab, as did the other children.
Krillin: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right?
Vegeta smirked. "Yeah, no."
Krillin: Right?
Raditz then bitch-slapped Krillin in to Kame House.
Krillin: Wa-ah-ah-ah-ugh.
Suddenly, a silhouette of Krillin with a bandage and the words Krillin Owned Count: 0 were shown. The zero quickly turned into a 1 with a ding of a bell.
"Oh, come on!" Krillin protested. "I don't lose that much!"
Vegeta smirked. "Yeah you do."
"Shut up, Vegeta!"
Krillin: What did I say?
Goku: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!
Raditz: Why?
Goku: Because you're breaking Kame House!
"Yeah," Roshi agreed. "Stop breaking my house!"
"Glad to see you both have your priorities straight," Krillin muttered.
Goku laughed and gave his best friend a hug. "Oh, lighten up, Krillin."
Krillin gives Goku a weak smile.
Krillin: Yeah. Stop breaking Kame House.
Goku: So, what're you here for? The Dragon Balls?
Raditz: The… the Dragon's what?
Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want… like immortality.
Ulong suddenly appeared.
"Hey, look!" Ulong shouted. "There's me!"
Ulong: Or Bulma's panties.
"Okay, gotta ask," Bulma said. "Why am I being overly sexualized in this show?"
Cut to Napa and Vegeta, who had red hair for some reason.
Napa: Vegeta, did you hear that?
"My god, it's been forever since I've seen him," Vegeta said. "Maybe I should visit him. He's in hell, right?"
"Most likely," Dende said. "You gonna bring him a gift?"
"Maybe…" Vegeta said. "What do you give to someone when they're in hell?"
"Ear plugs and a blindfold," Frieza immediately responded, thinking of his own time in hell.
Vegeta appeared on screen.
"W-why is your hair red?" Goku asked.
"It looks really weird," Trunks said, flying to his dad to check his hair.
Vegeta waved Trunks away. "I-I was trying something…."
Vegeta: Oh, yeah. We're totally going to Earth to get our wish.
Napa: Yeah, we're gonna get panties! …I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right, Vegeta?
Vegeta groaned. "God dammit, Napa…."
The onscreen Vegeta looked as annoyed as the actual Vegeta.
Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod.
The scene cuts back to Raditz, who is slowly walking towards them.
Raditz: No. I'm here for you, Kakarot.
Goku: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?
Goku silently wished that Raditz had wanted to do these things with him.
Raditz: We're going to kill everyone on the planet, and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.
"Oh, no, I definitely destroyed that filthy monkey planet," Frieza said, bored. This however, caused him to receive glares from a majority of the room, sans the deities.
Goku: Oh…. Well, uh, I sort of like people here, so with all due respect-
Goku is suddenly slammed into the ground, causing sand to fly everywhere.
Gohan: Daddy!
The half-Saiyan rushes towards his father but was intercepted by Raditz.
Raditz: I'll be taking this. Yoink!
Raditz quickly flew away.
Goku (weakly): Quick, somebody stop him.
Silence.
Goku: Damnit, Krillin.
Krillin: Hey, I was bitch-slapped through a house, what's your excuse?
Goku: I was kneed in the stomach!
Krillin scoffs. "Yeah, like that's a worse injury."
"Now just a second, are you saying it's my fault?" Goku said.
"I'm just saying-"
"It's both of your fault!" Chichi yelled. She obviously wasn't happy at seeing how her son was kidnapped all those years ago. "It's Bulma's for not holding him tighter, Roshi's for not knowing how to fly, and both of yours for getting your butts kicked."
The two, along with Bulma and Roshi, hide behind a couch.
Piccolo: You're both pathetic.
The Namekian is shown to be flying above Kame House.
Piccolo: What?
Piccolo lands.
Goku: Aw, geez. Hey, look, I know you totally want to kill me and all-
"A lot of us did at one point," Piccolo said, looking around. There was the son of a green alien overlord that once tried to kill Goku, an alien prince that almost killed Goku, a tyrannical intergalactic overlord that destroyed Goku's home planet, two androids that were specifically designed to murder Goku, a pink… thing that almost killed everyone on Earth, and the God of Destruction himself.
Goku: -but, today's kind of a bad day. My brother's just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid-
Piccolo: Oh, yeah, I was watching that. That was priceless!
Piccolo begins to laugh at Goku's misfortune.
"I'm guessing this was before you changed sides," Videl asked with a raised eyebrow. Piccolo merely turned away, turning a darker shade of green.
Piccolo: Sorry for your loss.
Goku: Yeah. Anyways, wanna help me get him back?
Piccolo: Why?
Goku: I'll friend you on MySpace.
Piccolo is shown thinking for a sec before the scene changes to both of them flying off after Raditz.
Piccolo: Tom, you've been replaced.
"Poor Tom," someone said.
The scene changes to a child-friendly ending involving clouds, a moving Shenron, and a bouncing child Goku. Afterwards, the scene changes to the former scene of Master Roshi and his everchanging drink.
Roshi: Now it's a Nestle Crunch Bar!
Both Beerus and Whiz drool over the unknown Earth treat.
Roshi: Now it's a gummy bear!
Their drool has created a small puddle on the ground.
Roshi: Now it's Napa!
This instantly got the two divine visitors to jump back in surprise.
Napa: Wait, what the hell?
The scene then cuts to black.
"Well that was mildly entertaining," Tien smiled.
"I liked it a lot!" Chiaotzu smiled.
"I suppose it was decent," Beerus said. "It had some moments."
"It's weird that it was based on our lives," Gohan said.
"I didn't really like it," Krillin grumbled, still annoyed about the Krillin owned count.
"Me neither," Yamcha growled. "I'm not a cheater!"
"Should we watch the next episode?" Goku asked, grabbing the remote.
"Yeah!" they all agreed.
Goku pressed the button.
And done! I hope you all liked this story! I don't really have anything else to say so please Follow, Favorite, and Comment. This is MythMaker258 signing off. Goodbye!