Hey, everyone! Good to see you all again. I updated this fic within a month. It's a new record. Yay. I'll get right into it.
"Okay, Chichi," Bulma says calmly. "We're going to let you go, but only if you promise you won't try to attack anyone else."
They look down upon a somewhat calmer, still irritated Chichi, who they were forced to train in order to keep her from attacking Piccolo.
"I can't help feel like this is my fault," Gohan laughed awkwardly. "I knew she would have reacted this way."
"Yeah," Piccolo winced, "but you can't say I didn't deserve it back then."
Dende's healing powers shine and recover Piccolo. Meanwhile, Chichi sighs.
"Fine," she says. "Piccolo, I'm sorry I attacked you. I know you're a changed man, though I did find your training methods to be too much."
"Apology accepted," Piccolo said. "The training of Gohan should be over so you shouldn't have anything to complain about. The one who should be afraid is Vegeta. Isn't the battle between them next?"
Vegeta tensed, flying up out of reach.
Cue disclaimer.
Kaiserneko: The following is a fan based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji T.V., and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
The scene changes to a dark room with swinging pendulum in the ceiling as Mr. Popo, Krillin, Yamcha, Tien holding Chiaoutzu, and Yajirobe are seen walking forward.
"Oh, look, the Pendulum Room!" Dende said.
"I've never seen this room before," Bulma said.
"Me neither," Chichi agreed.
"It's the Pendulum Room, where the past, the present, and the future are entwined," Mr. Popo said.
"Wait," Bulma blinked. "Isn't that time travel?"
"A fair question," Beerus said, giving Dende and Mr. Popo a look. "Any explanation?"
Both look a bit nervous but shake it off.
"The Pendulum Room merely creates a simulation based on data from the past, present, and predicted futures," Mr. Popo explained. "It doesn't nearly have enough power to allow time travel."
"Oh?" Whis asked. "Perhaps I should inspect it then. This planet's Guardian seems to have a myriad of time related items: first the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and now this. I wonder why?"
Krillin: Um. Mr. Popo, are you sure this'll make us strong-
Mr. Popo: Pecking order.
Krillin: Sorry!
"Ha, whipped," Yamcha laughed.
"Oh, shut up."
Everyone arrives at the Pendulum Room.
Mr. Popo: Damn right you are. Now, stand in this circle here.
Tien groaned. "I think I know what's happening. Great."
Everyone minus Yajirobe are seen standing on the magic circle.
Tien: You mean, like this?
Mr. Popo: Yeah. Bye!
"Wait, what?" Goten asked.
Krillin: Wait, what?!
Everyone gets teleported to another dimension.
The opening sequence goes by.
The scene changes to King Kai's planet.
King Kai: Alright, today we will commence your training.
Goku: Woohoo! Alright! Now, what's my first lesson?
King Kai: First, you must-
Goku: Catch the monkey!
Whis laughed. "It seems his short attention span has been accurately portrayed."
"You have no idea," King Kai laughed.
He begins chasing Bubbles.
King Kai: Actually, I was going to—
"His stubbornness is also well recorded," Chichi observed.
"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Goku whined.
"Yes, you are, Kakarot," Vegeta snapped.
Goku (continues to chase Bubbles): Whee!
King Kai: Okay, have fun with that.
"Giving up so soon?" Piccolo asked.
King Kai shrugs.
The scene changes to the Z Fighters walking in a ruined city.
Vegeta blinked in surprise. "Isn't that Planet Vegeta?"
Frieza shrugs. "I can't tell if it's from before or after I destroyed it. It was a dump either way."
Narrator:Meanwhile, in... somewhere...
Yamcha: Wow, this place is a wreck.
Tien: I know- the desolation, the ruin, the horror.
Krillin: Where are we, New Orleans?
A record scratch is heard, bringing the mood to a screeching halt.
Vegeta was glaring at Krillin, and to a less of an extent, so was everyone else.
"That was a bit too soon, Krillin," Android 18 said coldly.
Tien: Krillin!
Krillin: What?
Tien: Too soon!
Chiaotzu looks at a helmet.
Chiaotzu: Huh?
Helmet (quickly): You must construct additional pylons.
Both Chiaotzu and the kids shriek.
Tien: Chiaotzu, get away from there.
Chiaotzu: Why?
The helmet disintegrates, revealing the head of a Saiyan.
"Well that's ominous," Gohan said.
Tien: You have no idea where that's been- it could give you an infection.
Chichi nodded. "I would tell the same to both Gohan and Goten. Well, not Gohan now. He's a fully grown adult after all."
Chiaotzu: You're not my dad- don't tell me what to-
The Saiyan attacks Chioutzu, causing him to scream as he falls off the city.
"That was quick," Vegeta said, causing Chiaotzu to stick his tongue out at him.
Tien: Chiaotzu, My partner!
Yamcha: ...Gay.
Both Tien and Chiaotzu glare at him. "It's not like that!"
Tien: Hey, at least I don't spend all my free time living alone with a cat!
"What's wrong with me?" Puar shouted.
Yamcha: Hey, at least I get some puss- Wow, that did not come out right.
"Glad he didn't finish that," Yamcha said, blushing, as were a lot of people.
Spraut (disembodied echo): Hey, Bruzzel, look what we got here.
Bruzzel (disembodied echo): Yes, we've got some tourists, Spraut.
"Bruzzel and Spraut," Vegeta said. "Saiyan names."
"Please don't tell me you were going to name Bulla something like that," Bulma deadpanned.
"Of course not!" Vegeta scoffed. "I was going to name her something with a bit of class, Eschalot."
Spraut (disembodied echo): Well, then we should give them the tour.
Bruzzel (disembodied echo): Yes, the tour straight to hell, because we'll be killing them, with our own two diabolical hands, which are comprised of many sinister fingers, which we shall use to fiendishly destroy them one by one until—
"We get it, already!" Beerus barked.
Spraut (disembodied echo): Oh, for Christ's sake, yes, they get it- we're evil. Shut up!
The Saiyan grabs Krillin's ankle and pulls him underground.
Krillin: Oh, God, why?!
Yamcha and Tien look at the hole as fighting sounds can be heard along with Krillin screaming.
The Z-Fighters wince at the fight.
"No worries," Mr. Popo said. "Those who die in the Pendulum Room's simulation merely appear unharmed back in there."
Krillin: Oh, God, this can't possibly get any worse.
Mr. Popo: Hi.
Krillin screaming louder, possibly due to seeing Mr. Popo.
Everyone laughed except Krillin and Popo.
Krillin Owned Count: 4
"Seriously?" Krillin grumbled, receiving a hug from Android 18 and Marron.
Yamcha: It's up to us! We have to attack together!
Tien: Right, back to back! Let's do it for Chiaotzu!
Yamcha: And Krillin!
The sound of crickets chips in silence.
Yamcha: Eh, okay, just Chiaotzu.
Tien and Yamcha refused to look at a glaring Krillin.
Yamcha and Tien charge up to attack the Saiyans and the scene shifts to the Pendulum Room with Mr. Popo standing next to the circle.
Mr. Popo: Alright, let's see how they're doing inside.
Yamcha and Tien are seen getting hit and screaming in pain as Mr. Popo laughs, loving every moment of it. Eventually, everyone returns to the Pendulum Room, exhausted and terrified.
Mr. Popo frowned at the sight, with the others also being disgusted. However, something inside Popo was grinning, something that wasn't him.
Hahaha. So, these maggots are watching our show? And some other filthy maggots are reading this happen? Don't you all have anything better to do than just reading someone watch an abridged series? Eh, whatever. I've got some pot plants and a hot date. Hope Little Green's sharing.
Mr. Popo shudders, shaking his head and looking around a bit terrified.
"Something wrong?" Goku asked him, looking concerned.
"Uh… it's nothing," Mr. Popo assured him.
Mr. Popo: So, how was it?
All of them are breathing heavily, with Krillin muttering something unintelligible about "darkness."
"It seems to be really horrible," Videl noticed.
"Boo hoo," Vegeta said. "Those Saiyans seemed to be even weaker than Raditz."
"Part of me is still surprised we won the Tournament of Power with this motely crew," Beetus grumbled.
Tien: It was... horrible.
Mr. Popo: Good, you survived the first test.
"First?" Trunks said.
"That's not good," Goten nodded.
Krillin (relieved): Oh, thank God!
Mr. Popo: But I have some bad news.
"Knew it."
Krillin: What?
Mr. Popo: You're going back.
Krillin (sounding a bit scared): Wh-What?
Mr. Popo: Bye!
Frieza chuckled at this a bit.
The remaining Z-Fighters all get teleported back to the ruined city.
Krillin (screaming): No!
There is a short silence with Kami suddenly appearing next to Mr. Popo.
Kami: Mr. Popo, where did you send them?
Mr. Popo: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.
"Should we be concerned about the long-term mental affects this room could have on the psyche?" Bulma asked, concerned about her friends.
"Aw, we get some… decent training," Krillin said.
"You all lost to Nappa," Vegeta deadpanned. "It's obviously not enough."
The scene changes to King Kai's planet, Goku has just caught Bubbles.
"Guess Dad caught Bubbles," Goten watched.
Goku: Woohoo! Alright, I caught the mon—
He notices Gregory.
Goku: Ooh, a cricket!
He drops Bubbles who screeches in pain.
Bubbles hoots angrily at Goku, who apologizes.
Gregory: Yeah, I'm Gregory-
Goku (holding a hammer): I'ma smash him!
"What did I do?" Gregory demanded.
"Talk to much," Beerus said. "Now be quiet so we can watch."
Gregory (visibly terrified): What?
The shift to inside King Kai's house; Gregory is seen blasting by.
Gregory: OHMYDEARGOD!
Goku (chases Gregory with the hammer): Wee-hee!
King Kai (watering a plant, unconcerned): Shut up, Gregory.
"Mean," Gregory grunted.
Gregory screams as Goku hits the ground with a hammer.
Bojack: Yarr...
King Kai (continues watering a plant, unconcerned): Shut up, Bojack.
"Also mean," Trunks laughed.
The scene changes to Kami's Lookout.
Kami: It seems that your training here is complete.
"Already?" Goku blinked in surprise.
"Guess we're skipping everything," Tien nodded.
"I guess we did do the song," Gohan acknowledged.
Krillin: But we-
Kami: Mr. Popo, do you have any last comments for them?
Mr. Popo (extremely blunt):You're all going to die.
"Very accurate," Vegeta nodded.
"We didn't do that bad," Krillin defended.
"You did kill the Saibamen," Vegeta admitted.
Kami: Thank you, Mr. Popo. Now I believe it is time for you to leave.
Krillin: But-but all we did was-
Mr. Popo: Pecking order.
The Z-Fighter are sent flying off the lookout with Tien screaming.
"Yes, I should definitely make a pecking order for myself," Beerus mused.
"By that, you mean force me to do it, don't you, my lord?" Whis sadly shook his head.
"You caught on quickly."
Krillin: Oh, God, get out of my way!
The scene changes to King Kai's planet.
Goku: I completed the first two lessons, King Kai.
King Kai: Yes, congratulations, you've managed to catch my pet monkey, Bubbles, and give Gregory a concussion.
Gregory (in pain, off-screen): You psychotic bastard!
"Hey, it was King Kai's idea," Goku said.
Gregory glares at King Kai.
King Kai: Now we can start on your real training and I can teach you the-
Goku: Oh, before you do, could you tell about the Saiyans.
"Just gonna cut me off, eh?" King Kai asked. "You're lucky you're so charismatic."
"I'm surprised we all haven't been killed by that charisma," Beerus said while eating some more popcorn.
King Kai: Not much to tell you other than they all died 20 years ago.
Goku (gasps): Even my dad?
The flashback of Bardock screaming while burning.
"Hmmm… that monkey looks familiar," Frieza studied the burning body. "Then again, you primates all look alike when you're burning. I'm probably mistaken."
King Kai is seen holding his mouth, trying not to burst out laughing.
"That was uncharacteristically mean of you, Kai," Beerus said, bored.
"It's just the show putting things out of context!"
King Kai (abruptly): Yes.
Goku: Really? What killed them?
KING KAI: Let me check.
He checks Wikipedia entry.
"Gods have Wikipedia?" Bulma asked surprised.
"Yes, but ours is known as Divinipedia," Whis smiled. "It's a useful way of learning new info, though to be frank, I prefer educational videos on GodTube."
King Kai: Let's see here. "Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks. Hahahahahahaha! P.S. Freeza rules you."
The room is filled by Frieza's joyful laughter. "Ahh, excellent. Most excellent!"
King Kai: That doesn't seem right—
Goku: Bored now. Let's get back to training, King Kai!
"So soon," Vegeta asked. "Didn't you want to know more about your race?"
"Actually, there is something I wanted to know," Goku said, before turning to King Kai. "King Kai, you said that Planet Vegeta's guardian was the one who destroyed Namek, but it was Frieza. Why?"
King Kai sighs. "Because by then, I could see your personality and if you knew there was an evil crazy powerful alien overlord out there, all you'd want to do is punch him in the face. I mean look at what happened with Beerus! After meeting him you nearly killed us all when you met with Grand Zeno."
Beerus thought about it for a second. "You did a decent job keeping him distracted," Beerus acknowledged. "Thank you, and I actually mean that."
King Kai lets out an exasperated sigh, and then the scene changes to Master Roshi's Island.
Narrator:And so, one year has passed- the characters who actually did anything in the last series, but not in this one, have finally found themselves of use and have summoned the Eternal Dragon to wish back their fallen comrade, Goku!
Oolong winced. "As much as I want to deny it, we haven't really done much in the past few years."
"You haven't, but I've been busy with CapsuleCorp and helping you guys out with my technology," Bulma defended. "Though I don't think I'll be able to help if the problem involves time travel. Beerus forbade it."
"Good to see you've learned your lesson," Beerus grunts, taking a popsicle in his mouth.
"My lord!" Whis angrily scolded. "That was my popsicle! You had no right to take it!"
Bulma: I don't get it. Why are we doing this again?
"To save Goku? Why ask that?" Chiaotzu asked.
Bulma shrugged.
Master Roshi: Because my sister, Baba, told us to.
Shenron gets summoned.
Shenron:You have summoned the eternal dragon. Make your wish and I'll—
The dragon recognizes Master Roshi, Bulma, and Oolong, looking at them with disdain.
"Oh? What's with that look? It's like he's not glad to see us?" Roshi grumbled.
Shenron: Oh, God, it's you guys again. Can't anyone else find these damn things?!
"He does make a point," Trunks said. "You'd think after all those times we summoned a giant dragon in the sky, someone else would notice and try to get the balls themselves."
Bulma smirks. "Luckily, you all have me and my Dragon Radar then!"
Shenron: Ah, screw it, whatever, what do you want?
Master Roshi: There are two horrible Saiyans coming to our planet and we need Goku to be brought back to life in order to defeat them.
"Wait, why didn't you use the dragon's power to simply stop the Saiyans from reaching Earth?" Android 18 asked.
"Well the dragon said he wasn't powerful enough to destroy Vegeta or Nappa," Bulma shrugged. "I asked but nothing could be done, not that I'm complaining with the result." She hugs Trunks.
"But you could have at least sabotaged their ships," Android 17 explained. "I mean, if Shenron couldn't just kill them outright, you could have sent them into a black hole. Or a sun. Or maybe compromised their air supply."
Shenron:Really? You know you could, um, just wish me–a magical dragon–to send them into an asteroid field. One crossed wire and BOOM, right in the sun!
"Exactly," Android 17 nodded. "Bulma, you're a scientist who's tampered with space travel on multiple occasions. You should know how dangerous and easy it is to die if one mistake is made."
The scientist in question looks down at the floor in shame.
Master Roshi (insistently): No, you see, as long as we have Goku, we'll be fine.
Shenron (puzzled):Right... Yeah, okay, fine, whatever, I'll grant your wish. Just don't come crying to me when half your stupid asses get killed! Ah, who am I kidding? You will.
"Hmmm…" Whis rubs his chin.
"Something wrong, Whis?" Chichi asked. "Want more soup?"
"No, I'm fine," Whis assured her, though still taking more soup into his bowl. "I'm just noticing that you mortals are greatly overusing your Dragon Balls and have developed a major dependance on them."
"Dependance?" Dende asked.
"Yes. When Bulma's wish for the Saiyans' deaths was rejected, she stopped looking for other possibilities, rather than look for other solutions. More so, all of you have become greatly dependent on the Dragon Balls, prepared to utilize them upon a chance of one of you dying."
Bulma winced as she briefly remembered when the Piccolo had trapped Goten and Trunks, as Gotenks, in this Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and the others had been calm due to being able to resurrect them with the Dragon Balls. Even if it were so, it… it wasn't right.
"More so, we've seen how you all would do without Dragon Balls," Beerus yawned. "That sword-swinger's timeline came from one where Earth's Guardian was killed and the Dragon Balls left inert, no? There, death actually had meaning and not many of you heroes lasted long."
"Perhaps you should use the Dragon Balls to give you all the power to resurrect the dead?" Whis suggested. "Cut out the middleman? And you wouldn't have to wait a year to use them either. In any case, I feel like you should stop trying to rely on all the problems which can't be fixed by fighting with the Dragon Balls."
Shenron's eyes starts to glow and then the scene changes to King Kai's planet, with Goku's halo disappearing.
Goku: Hey, King Kai, I'm alive again!
King Kai: Yes, and you've conveniently learned the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb off-screen. Now get the f**k off my planet!
"Mean," Goku grumbled.
"Hey!" King Kai yelled. "You trash my planet every time you visit! You're the most destructive force that came to it since Beerus! And you still haven't brought me back."
Goku: Alright, and thank you, King Kai, for all the training. It'll be a hard fight when I return to Earth, but now, I'm truly confident-
King Kai:GO HOME!
"I think I need a pecking order," King Kai grumbled.
"For some reason, I bet Goku would be higher on the list than me or Bubbles," Gregory huffed.
Bubbles hooted, but King Kai looked at them annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry for the fake version of me being a jerk. Are we cool?"
Gregory sighs. "We're cool."
Goku: 'Kay, bye!
He flies off King Kai's planet.
Silence as King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles watch Goku leave.
King Kai (sudden realization): Oh, God, what have I done?! I'm all alone again!
Bubbles(subtitled): Well, good sir, you've still my modest company. How about I grab us some tea and some quiet music and we-
Bubbles hooted in agreement.
King Kai: Shut up, Bubbles!
Gregory: Well, I'm still here for you, sir.
King Kai: Shut up, Gregory!
Bojack: Yarr, You've still have-
King Kai: Shut up, Bojack!
"I still don't understand why they made it so Bojack is on my planet," King Kai said.
The ending sequence plays, then the scene shifts on Earth in a barren wasteland.
"Wait, I thought it had ended, why are we back in the wasteland?" Goku blinked in confusion. "Are we going to see more of Gohan's training?"
Piccolo looked at Chichi, who was tied up with Oolong and Puar, who Bulma had forced to become rope. Buu was also sitting between them, ready to transform his body in order to shield him.
"Don't worry!" Buu cheerfully smiled. "Buu protect you!"
Piccolo: All right, runt, your training is complete. Now you and I will take over the worl-
Kami (telepathically):Hello? Hello?
"Hmm…" Piccolo grunted. "I gotta admit, part of me missed that old bastard."
"He's still inside of you, isn't he?" Gohan asked.
"No consciousness though," Piccolo explained.
Piccolo (telepathically):Ugh. What is it, old man?
"You sound like an angry son talking to his dad," Android 17 noticed.
"Well that's technically true…" Gohan agreed. "Though I think Kami would technically be Piccolo's uncle? Not sure how relationships are in this scenario."
Kami (telepathically):I just wanted to check in and make sure you were ready for the Saiyans.
Piccolo (telepathically):Ready for the what now?
"He never told you?" Videl asked.
"I was aware the Saiyans were coming," Piccolo assured.
Kami (telepathically):Didn't Mr. Popo tell you? There are two Saiyans headed towards the Earth as we speak. Both several times more powerful than the last one you faced. They should be landing pretty soon- within a few days, in fact.
Piccolo: New plan, Gohan, we're going to kick some Saiyan ass!
"And that's how the world dominating Piccolo became world-saving Piccolo," Goku beamed.
Gohan: Um, okay?
Silence shortly follows.
Piccolo (telepathically):You're still there, aren't you?
Kami (telepathically):I'm just so lonely...
Piccolo:(out loud) Get out of my head!
"Well it was his head, first," Mr. Pop said. "Well, actually, no. It was your father's head, who's a split of Ka- This is hard. I say it's easier to say you're still the same person and Kami was the original."
"Less of a headache for me," Beerus approved.
"Next episode, please," the kids asked.
And done! I'd hope you all enjoy and I plan on putting all the movies in order, with one appearing after every season ending. And I haven't decided on if I'll do a DB What-If story reaction yet, but I'm starting to like the idea. Anyways, see you all soon hopefully!