Season 5- Episode 6- A Regular Day

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Casey opened the door of the barn and looked inside at the half ruined vehicle, ready for another day of repairs. Alone.

He walked slowly, his shoulders slack in an unenergetic manner.

He stood in front of the vehicle as he looked around the empty barn, feeling a presence missing. He sighed as his expression turned from one of exhaustion to one of sadness.

Casey and Donatello might have been acting like they hate each other, but everyone around them knew better. It didn't go unnoticed that during a so-called argument they would battle a small smirk from appearing on their faces, showcasing their amusement. Everyone knew that it's their way of having fun. For some reason, the both of them really enjoyed annoying each other.

What everyone noticed for sure was Casey's sadness, now that Donatello might be gone for good.

They were all depressed, giving the house a heavy atmosphere. There wasn't one person who didn't break down at least once, be it in secret or in public. However, they were also supportive of each other. Unexpectedly, even after they lost Donatello- No. From the very start of when Donatello's origin was found out, they all were there for each other. That's why Casey could handle the situation better. Why everyone could.

Even though the news of Donatello's relation to the Shredder was startling to everyone else, Casey was the only one who actually found this revelation cool. Exciting. 'Just like in the movies' was one of his first thoughts after he heard about it. Obviously he felt bad for Donatello and his family, however he couldn't bring himself to think that this was a bad thing. He didn't want to consider his friend's genetic relations to some scary ninja leader as something bad, since it was Donatello. It felt wrong for him to judge his friend's genetics and decide if it's bad or not that he was born related to a certain enemy of theirs.

That's the approach that Casey took, anyway.

But now, seeing what happened to Donatello, he couldn't help but be mad. They lost Donatello just because he was related to the Shredder. And now they are all in a mess.

Casey's trail of thoughts was cut short when he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

With a startled yelp, he jumped back and turned around with wide eyes to stare at the 'intruder'.

"I assume that you did not notice me." Splinter stated the obvious, lifting an eyebrow as he contemplated whether he should force Casey to learn a little about the stealth of a ninja or not.

Casey forced himself to calm down as he answered simply.

"Yeah. Sorry, Splinter." He said awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck in slight embarrassment, his eyes wandering to the floor. "I was just… Thinking." He added in a whisper, sadness taking over his features once again.

"About Donatello." Splinter didn't even ask. He already knew what was on his mind.

Casey flinched at the mention of his name, his eyes widening slightly.

He lifted his gaze to look at Splinter, only to see the pain in his eyes. His ears lowered and his cane clenched with a little more force. Splinter knew that Casey could see right through him, but it didn't matter to him. He thought that perhaps it would be better to be honest in such a conversation rather than ignore and hide their pain.

"I'm sorry, Splinter-!" Casey was about to apologize, only for Splinter to halt him by raising his hand.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Actually, I would prefer for you to think about him rather than forgetting him." Splinter gave him a sad smile, causing Casey's gaze to wander to the floor.

"You are right…" Casey sighed as Splinter stepped closer towards the vehicle.

"Are you here to take your mind off things?" Splinter assumed that Casey was here to repair the car.

Casey looked at the car as well as he nodded. "Yeah... I figured it could help me process everything." He frowned as he looked away. "I just… Don't like the fact that we left him behind." He mumbled quietly.

Splinter's shoulders tensed as he felt a pang of guilt.

"I know. However, it was the best choice, considering the situation that we were in." Splinter sighed as he remembered the moment of the invasion. The moment he had to leave everything behind.

"...I know." Casey admitted simply with a tone of disappointment.

"But that doesn't mean he's lost." Splinter squeezed his shoulder. Casey looked up at him only to see a hopeful smile on his face, causing him to brighten up and smile as well.

"Yeah. You are right." Casey said, having a small moment of happiness.

Splinter knew that Casey needed to hear these words. He knew that Leo needed to as well, which is why he didn't stop him from eavesdropping during the conversation from the outside of the barn.

—-

Leo ran as fast as his feet could take him.

He could feel his tears frantically flow down his face as he heaved.

He finally found a distant spot where no one could disturb him.

He stopped abruptly, falling on his knees and hands.

He sobbed loudly and uncontrollably.

He didn't want his team to see their own leader cry, but holding back your sadness for so long can be exhausting.

'But that doesn't mean he's lost.'

Leo heard Splinter's voice say that sentence over and over again in his head.

He just felt so… Guilty.

His brother is in such a mess and there is nothing he can do to help him.

He felt helpless.

Weak.

Like a rotten leader.

Donnie could be going through hell right at this moment, and all he does instead of helping him is cry.

He calmed down after a few minutes, not having any more tears to shed.

He felt so terrible.

He felt even more terrible to be caught crying alone like that.

"I know that you are there, Raph." He declared in a hoarse voice and an 'angry' frown.

Raph slowly left his 'hiding place' and walked towards Leo. Leo hated the look of pity on Raph's face.

"You can make fun of me for crying later, Raph. I'm not in the mood." Leo said in frustration as he sat on the grass, wiping his tears aggressively.

Leo flinched with a look of surprise when Raph simply sat on the ground beside him.

"I wasn't going to." Raph commented simply, causing Leo to blink at him with a dumbfounded expression.

"Oh." Leo replied as he stared at the ground, fiddling with the grass beside him with his fingers to keep himself from feeling embarrassed.

Raph sighed as he looked at the horizon.

"After everything that we have been through lately, it only makes sense for you to be stressed, especially as our leader." Raph used the gentle tone that he rarely used with anyone.

Leo flinched in a slight surprise as he looked at Raph.

Raph scoffed at him and rolled his eyes. "Come on. I understand at least that. I know that I try to appear as if I don't care, but I do."

"I see." Leo said awkwardly as he looked down, attempting to escape Raph's gaze.

"You are not responsible for Donnie's situation, you know." Raph said sadly, already knowing about Leo's hobby of experiencing guilt.

Leo whipped around, ready to refute him.

"Don't." Raph stopped him before he could say anything.

"But I'm your leader! I'm supposed to-!"

"Do everything that you have already done by now." Raph cut him off with a straight face. He sighed tiredly at Leo's dumbfounded expression.

"Firstly, you couldn't stop Donnie from being related to the Shredder. Secondly, you already made sure that he will stay home every day. Thirdly, you couldn't stop Donnie from entering the fight that day. And lastly, you couldn't find him and bring him with us during the invasion. Basically, you did everything you could have done. Things were out of your control." Leo's eyes widened in shock as he stared at Raph.

Raph rolled his eyes, understanding what Leo is thinking right now. "Yeah. I can be nice when I want to be. But it's not even about being nice. It's simply the truth." He huffed.

Leo's gaze wandered to the ground as he took a deep breath.

"Maybe I should have taken another measure to make sure that Donnie doesn't leave the lair. Or even better, I could have simply avoided the mission where he found out the truth. Our lives could have been so much easier." Leo mumbled as he pulled his legs close, hugging them to comfort himself.

"You know nothing of this would've worked. Either Donnie would leave anyway, or we would have found out the truth through the Shredder." Raph said sadly as his expression turned into a frown.

Leo bit his lip, trying to find any other reason to blame himself.

"Stop feeling bad, Leo. It's not your fault." Raph sighed.

"...Okay." Leo mumbled in sadness.

They were silent for a few seconds as they were deep in thought.

"Raph?" Raph turned to look at Leo.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Can we stay like this for a little more? Sitting here and calming down, I mean." Leo asked awkwardly, giving Raph a hopeful expression.

"...We can." Raph nodded as they both embraced the calming silence that was around them.

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Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more!