Hey, everyone! Sorry about the hiatus. I've just been having some… well let's call it emotional trouble. Mainly dealing with some school stuff… Anyways, I'll just start now.
"Okay, so the one with the transforming cat died," Beerus said.
"My name is Yamcha."
"I don't care. So what happens now?"
"Now's the 'fight' between Earth and Nappa," Vegeta said, using air quotes around fight.
"Oh, come on, Vegeta, I'm sure they didn't do that bad," Goku said.
"Kakarot, prepare to be surprised."
The disclaimer plays.
Kaiserneko: The following is a fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
The scene opens up at Kame House with Bulma, Master Roshi, Oolong and Puar watching a telecast of Yamcha's death.
Mr. Kent: And there you have it, folks. That man is dead. Very, very dead.
"I'm still confused on why no one recognizes that you're the one who died," Bulma said. "I mean, aren't you a reasonably famous baseball player, Yamcha?"
JIMMY: Mr. Kent, if you had to come up with a word for how dead he is, what would it be?
MR. KENT: "Cadaverific!"
"There's a new word," Beerus snorted.
"It's a bit cheesy," Goten frowned. "Reminds me of something Big Bro would say when in that lame costume."
Gohan pouted. "It's not lame!"
BULMA (breaks down crying in Master Roshi's chest): Yamcha! No! I was saving myself for him!
MASTER ROSHI: Bulls**t!
Bulma glares at Roshi. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Roshi moves back in fear. "Uh…"
"Tread lightly," Vegeta said, also moving away.
"…That's not me? OW!"
The opening sequence plays and the scene shifts to the battlefield with Krillin being struck with grief over Yamcha's death.
Krillin: Yamcha! Yamcha! Yamcha was our friend...and you bastards killed him! Don't worry, Yamcha, I'll avenge you!
"Nice to see you've got my back, Krillin."
"Well I kinda have to. You're the only one who gets his butt kicked more than me," Krillin joked.
"Hey!"
Android 18 smiled. She's glad Krillin's started to joke again.
Piccolo: Oh right, you're going to avenge him? The five-year-old over here is stronger than you are!
Krillin: But I-
Piccolo: Face it, you're pretty much here as a meat shield.
"That's rude!" Marron pouted. "Mr. Piccolo, you be nicer to Daddy!"
Piccolo rolled his eyes. "Krillin, I'm sorry for what that other me said."
Krillin laughed. "Thanks for the apology."
Krillin becomes extremely angry.
Nappa: Ha! Look at him, Vegeta. He's like the Raditz of their group.
"No, that's Yamcha."
"No, Krillin, I think that's you!"
"It's you!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"Will you idiots be quiet!" Beerus shouted.
"They're arguing on who is the Raditz of their team," Vegeta snorted. "Funny."
Krillin: That's it! I can't take it anymore! I can only be pushed so far!
The HUD from Final Fantasy VII appears at the bottom of the screen, selecting "Krillin" and "Limit." Scatter Shot appears at the top of the screen.
"Um… why is it all video game stuff?" Goku asked.
"Must be some weird joke," Tien replied.
Krillin:KRILLIN LIMIT BREEEEEAK!
Battle music from Final Fantasy VII plays as Krillin uses Scatter Shot to kill three Saibamen and victory music from Final Fantasy VII plays after Krillin's rampage.
Krillin (while catching his breath): That was...for Yamcha.
"Nice shot, Krillin!" Goku smiled.
Vegeta: Congratulations, you've just destroyed the equivalent of three Raditz.
Krillin: That's right!
"You sound so proud," Frieza laughs, knowing what comes next.
Krillin: What now, you son of a bi-
Vegeta: Nappa here is worth five Raditz.
"Wow, you can feel his sense of accomplishment dropping," Whis noticed.
Krillin: I- uh... What?
Vegeta: And I am worth fifteen Raditz.
Krillin (disappointed): I... Oh...
Nappa: Aw, come on, don't get so down on yourself. At least you've proven that your Raditz is still stronger than our Raditz.
"Actually, if Yamcha is our Raditz, then wouldn't that mean our Raditz is weaker than theirs?" Gohan asked.
"G-gohan," Yamcha said, looking physically wounded. "You know I love you, kid, but that hurts…."
The scene shift to Raditz.
Raditz: I...hate...all of you!
The scene shifts back to the battlefield.
Vegeta: So in short, good for you. Oh, by the way, you missed one.
"I did?" Krillin asked.
One Saibamen pops out from hiding and tries to attack Gohan, only to be grabbed by Piccolo.
Piccolo: Yeah, no.
"Honestly, they weren't that strong compared to others we've fought," Piccolo nodded.
He punches the Saibamen in its stomach and throws it in the air before blasting it with a mouth blast.
Gohan: That was incredible, Mr. Piccolo!
"Hey, I killed three of them!" Krillin protested.
"Well, I guess it's because you put in effort into killing them," Bulma said. "In Piccolo's case, it barely looked like he had to try."
Tien: Yeah, way to go!
Krillin: But, what about-
Piccolo: Well, you can all learn a thing or two.
Krillin: But I just killed three of them-
Chiaotzu: Nobody cares, Krillin!
"Haven't seen Chiaotzu's rude side in a while," Krillin said. "Not since we first met."
Krillin: Aww...
Vegeta: Well, Nappa, looks like it's your turn to teach them a lesson.
Nappa: Yeah, right out of Saiyan University.
"Saiyan what?" Goku asked.
"It doesn't exist," Vegeta said. "Our colleges were named Vegeta University… except after Frieza took over and we were force to rename some of them Frieza Academy."
He begins walking towards the Z-Fighters.
Vegeta: Hold on, you went to college?
Nappa: Yup.
Vegeta: What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?!
Nappa: Child Psychology.
Vegeta facepalmed. "Really?"
Gohan: Wow, That sounds really interes-
Nappa: With a minor in Pain!
He dashes towards Tien and severs his left arm in one punch. Tien screams in absolute pain.
Tien winces at the sight of his arm destroyed.
"Huh, for some reason my arm is itching," Gohan said, rubbing his arm.
Vegeta: Looks like he's been...disarmed!
This got boos from Goten and Trunks.
"Boo! Bad joke!" Goten shouted.
"Why make Dad Jokes now?" Trunks wailed.
Silence as the wind blows.
Nappa (off-screen): I get it!
Vegeta: Shut it, Nappa.
Tien leaps in the sky.
Nappa: Oh, I love this game! Tag! (chases Tien and kicks him towards the ground) No tagbacks.
Tien (thinking):Agh, damn, this guy's strong. Maybe it would be best if I just took Chiaotzu and—
He notices Chiaotzu is gone.
Tien (thinking): Wait, where is he?!
"I'm more surprised you aren't dead from blood loss," Bulma commented.
"I think it's thanks to his chi that he's still alive," Chichi explained.
Chiaotzu is seen latched onto Nappa's back.
Chiaotzu groaned. "Here it comes. This is going to be more embarrassing than anything else."
Nappa: Vegeta, the Pokémon's on my back.
Tien: Chiaotzu! No!
Nappa: Aww, I can't get it off, Vegeta! Here, I'll use Rock Smash.
Nappa smashes his back into a rock, causing Chiaotzu to whimper in pain.
Chiaotzu winces. "I forgot that part happened."
Tien: Chiaotzu, you get down from there this instant!
Chiaotzu (telepathically): No! I have to do this, Tenshinhan! For all the people of Earth, our friends, and especially you!
Tien: But Chiaotzu...!
Chiaotzu (telepathically): Don't worry, you can just wish me back with the Dragon Balls! Now, goodbye, my friend!
Tien: That won't work, Chiaotzu! We already wished you back once with the Dragon Balls; we can't do it twice!
Chiaotzu (telepathically): Wait, wha-?
"Did you know that the Dragon Balls wouldn't bring you back? Because that makes your heroic sacrifice less significant," Oolong said.
"No, I remembered," Chiaotzu said, trying to look innocent.
He explodes.
Tien: N-No! No! Chiaotzu! CHIAOTZUUUU!
Krillin: Oh, my God... He blew into more pieces than Yamcha!
This got a glare from Tien.
Tien:Krillin!
Krillin: What?
Tien: He was my closest friend! I... I loved him.
"Aw, I love you too, Tien," Chiaotzu said.
Krillin: As a memorial to Yamcha: gay.
"Why do people think that!" Tien growled.
"Maybe it's because I like to eat tienshinhan, I mean tenshindon! As in the food!" Chiaotzu corrected himself while others look at them a bit strangely.
Tien (thinking): At least your sacrifice wasn't in vain, my friend.
The smoke clears and Nappa is revealed to be alive, leaving Chiaotzu's sacrifice to be in vain.
Chiaotzu groaned at his senseless sacrifice, getting a pat on the back by his friends.
Nappa: Aww, dang it, Vegeta. He used Self-Destruct. I hate it when they do that.
Tien (off-screen): DAMN IT!
NAPPA (lands next to a grieving Tien): Awwww, I think I made him mad, Vegeta. Should I talk to him about it? The first step to working out your problems is healthy communication. And-
TIEN: HUAAAH!
He tries to punch Nappa but hits a boulder.
Frieza scoffs. "Guess three eyes don't really help with depth perception, huh?"
NAPPA: Hey, that was very rude! I was talking to VEGETA!
"And you blew up his friend," Goku frowned.
"Well technically he blew himself up," Beerus shrugged.
He punches Tien, launching him into a boulder.
Gohan: Should- shouldn't we help him?
"I don't understand why you Earthlings insist on one-on-one fights," Whis sighed. "You all can achieve amazing feats when working together."
"I blame the Saiyan influence," Chichi said, giving Vegeta and Goku a glare.
Piccolo: Can't you see he has to fight this battle on his own? He's fighting for the honor of his fallen comrade.
Nappa is seen beating Tien to a pulp.
Chiaotzu winces at seeing Tien getting his butt kicked.
Tien (getting hit with each word):HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP MEEEE!
Piccolo: Like a hero.
Gohan: Mr. Piccolo, help him!
"Seems like Gohan is the only sensible one of all of you," Beerus grunted appreciately.
"You can thank Mom for that," Gohan said, causing Chichi to beam.
Piccolo: Oh, fine!
Piccolo (to Krillin): Krillin, go!
Piccolo and Krillin jump into the air to help Tien.
Nappa: For PONY!
"Pony?" Trunks asked.
"Maybe that's what he was going to nickname Chiaotzu?" Goten thought out loud.
Piccolo hits him.
Nappa: UWAGH! He hit me!
Krillin knocks Nappa towards the ground.
Nappa: GAH HA! He hit me too!
Nappa is seen flying towards Gohan.
Piccolo: Gohan, hurry up and blast him with all your strength! Before he has time to DOOOOODGE!
The word "dodge" echoes traumatically in Gohan's head, causing him to scream and run for cover.
"And you triggered him, nice going there," Vegeta said.
Piccolo: Damn you, Pavlov!
"Who's this Padlock guy?" Goku asked.
The scene goes static and switches to a news reporter.
News Reporter: For those of you who don't know who Pavlov is, allow us to take a brief moment to explain. Back in 1904-
Oolong (banging his hand on the TV): Get back to the fight!
"Aw…" Goku said.
News Reporter: Annnd back to the fight.
The scene goes static and changes back to the fight, with Nappa recovering from Piccolo and Krillin's surprise attack.
Nappa: Hey, not gonna lie. Dick move, guys, dick move.
"You killed our friends!" Goku said.
Krillin: Piccolo, do you have a plan?
Piccolo: That depends; can you get him in a Full Nelson?
"Yeah, no one's going to fall for that," Krillin deadpanned
Krillin: Any plans that don't involve killing me?
Piccolo: Well, there is the multi-form technique.
Krillin: But doesn't that cut our power levels by-
Piccolo: Plan A or Plan B, Krillin!
Android 18 gives Krillin a hug. "You should really be more assertive."
Krillin: Plan B! Plan B!
Piccolo & Krillin: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!
Videl blinked. "Shadow Clone Jutsu? That kinda sounds like some sort of ninja technique."
"It's supposed to be Shishin no Ken, or Fist of Four Bodies," Tien said, "whichever you prefer."
Three clones of Piccolo and Krillin appear.
Nappa: Vegeta! I can't..."believe it".
Vegeta gives off an annoyed groan off-screen.
"Was that a reference of some sort?" Beerus asked.
The three Piccolos and Krillins attack Nappa, who dominates them with his superior strength.
PICCOLO (thinking): Hrgh, he's dodging every hit! We can't lay a finger on him! What kind of incredible mental discipline has this guy gone through?
"I doubt it's mental discipline," Bulma said. "Probably something stupid."
Nappa: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's MAN! (punches a Krillin clone) Bake me a cake as fast as you CAN!
"Knew it."
He punches a Piccolo clone and eventually launches all three clones towards the ground, then Krillin slams onto the ground, followed by his two clones, causing him to groan in pain.
Krillin Owned Count: 5-7
Piccolo also hits the ground, followed by his doubles, which knocks him down.
Nappa: Good effort, but I'm the Patty Cake champion.
Piccolo (after a short pause): What?
"Don't think about it," Vegeta advised. "You'll catch the stupid."
Nappa: But, at least you didn't uselessly self-destruct like that Pokémon.
Tien (gets up from Nappa's beatdown earlier): You stupid...ugly...son of a bitch.
He begins charging a blast.
Tien: His name...was CHIAOTZU! KIKŌHŌ!
He fires a Spirit Tri-Beam at Nappa.
"Hmmph, that technique wasn't that bad," Beerus nodded.
"It does seem to do decent damage against that Saiyan," Whis agreed.
"I think the one he used on Cell was better," Android 18 said.
Nappa: Yeah, that Chiaotzu- OH, MY GOOOOOD!
He gets hit directly by Tien's attack
Tien (thinking): Right here... Right behind you, Chiaotzu.
He falls on the ground, dying from using up all his energy.
Nappa again survives the attack, this time, losing some of his armor.
Nappa: Aha, pointless.
"Huh, with that line, he actually sounds like a decent member of my troops, if you ignore his other idiocy," Frieza said.
Krillin (absolutely terrified): We're gonna die, aren't we.
Nappa: Yep!
Nappa charges towards the remaining Z-Fighters, who all stand frozen in fear, but suddenly stops in midair and looks at Vegeta.
"Wait, why'd he stop," Goku blinked in confusion.
Nappa: Vegeta!
Vegeta (annoyed): What?
Nappa: I can fly...!
Vegeta (starts stammering before letting out a sigh): Yes, Nappa, yes you can.
"I'm honestly surprised you're still sane," Frieza said.
"Me too," Bulma said.
Krillin: You know, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble once Goku gets here!
Vegeta: Who?
Krillin: Goku! He's stronger than all of us combined!
"…Why did you tell him that?" Bulma asked.
"What? Was that wrong?" Krillin asked.
Vegeta: Well then, I guess we better kill you before he gets here.
"That's why it was wrong," Bulma explained.
"Oh."
Krillin: W-Wait, I mean...
Nappa: But Vegeta, I wanna meet the strong guy!
Vegeta: Nappa just kill them first and-
Nappa: But I want him to see us kill them!
Vegeta: Oh, God, there's no arguing with you. Fine, I'll give you three hours tops. After that, I'm killing all of you.
"And I'm pretty sure that me means all of them," Vegeta said. "Including Nappa."
Nappa: Yay! And now we wait.
Thirty seconds later...
Nappa: Is he here yet?
Piccolo, Gohan, & Krillin: No.
"Oh, not this again!"
Nappa: Is he here yet?
Piccolo, Gohan, & Krillin: No...!
"Whis, can't you speed this thing up?"
Nappa: Is he here yet?
Piccolo, Gohan, & Krillin: NO!
"Unfortunately, Lord Beerus, this doesn't work that way."
Nappa: Is he here yet?
Piccolo, Gohan, & Krillin: NOO!
A long pause passes.
Nappa: ...Is he here ye-?
Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan, & Krillin:NOO!
"Wow, you're all agreeing already," Goku said.
Vegeta: Goddammit, Nappa, just go do something! Go have fun- I don't care how.
Nappa: Oh boy! This is gonna be my best...day...ever.
The scene shifts to Nappa destroying both naval and air forces, laughing while doing so, while Peewee's Pocket Circus plays in the background.
"Okay, someone must have erased Earth's memories of the Saiyans," Bulma said. "I can't remember who, but it's the only explanation for that to happen and no one remembering Vegeta. Was it the Buu incident?"
The scene shifts back to the battlefield with the Z-Fighters waiting for Goku until Vegeta's scouter beeps.
Vegeta: Well, time's up- time to die.
He removes his scouter and throws it at the ground.
"Honestly, don't you know how valuable those scouters are?" Frieza said in annoyance.
"Oh, I don't want to hear that from-"
"Actually, Vegeta, I'm on his side," Bulma said. "Don't just trash tech like that! Do you know how screwed we be if someone just kept on throwing the Dragon Radar every second?"
Vegeta just gapes in shock.
Piccolo: So, where's your friend-
Nappa: I'm back!
And he elbows Piccolo in the head.
The Ending sequence plays.
Vegeta: Nappa, where did your armor go?
Nappa: I had a hell of a day, Vegeta. I sank their battleship...and their whales.
The scene shifts to the remains of a navy ship floating in a bloody ocean, presumably the blood of the whales Nappa indirectly murdered.
Aquaman (off-screen): Nooo...
"It's the whale guy!" Goten laughed.
"So this episode was mainly about us getting our butts kicked?" Krillin asked. "Great."
"Well at least you all get stronger!" Goku smiled.
Krillin gives Goku a look. "I can't get mad at you…"
And that's a wrap! Thank you all for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.