JJ, Lana, John, Sara, and lorenamag, I miss you! I hope you are reading this and that I didn't lose your interest *fingers crossed*

Real World by Skylar Grey

Grace by Rachel Platten

This Love by Taylor Swift

Battle Adagio by Brian Tyler

Soul Song by Grey Daze

2020

Heathrow Airport Base

Rita stared at Luke as his words hit her in almost slow motion.

It's your mother. Rosie.

She's alive.

Rita felt like she couldn't breathe. Her legs grew rubbery, and she couldn't stop blinking. Her mother was alive?! Her mother? Rosie? Her brain just couldn't compute it.

"Please say something," Luke said, his tone almost begging. She tried, but her tongue wouldn't work, so she ended up just staring at him still. How could her mother be alive? How was this possible? She turned her head to look at the ground then, and she kept trying to make sense of it.

"Rita," Luke said, making her look at him again. "You gotta say something. Anything. Please."

She was breathing a bit harder now. Her mother was alive. Had her father known? She didn't think so. He'd been grieving a long time; there had never really been a point where he'd stopped. She felt the anger grow then. Her mother was alive and had disappeared. Her mother hadn't bothered to check in with her every now and then. Her mother had abandoned them both.

"I'm so sorry," Luke said now when she still didn't say anything. "I didn't know who she was. She never said she was Rosie. If I'd known, I would have told you right away. You have to believe me..."

"You knew?" Finally, her mouth was forming words. She could feel the hurt on her face as she looked at the love of her life.

"No, I didn't know she was your mother," Luke said. "I never knew. Not until about two months ago. I swear to you, Rita..."

Rita turned to walk away then. She didn't quite buy that he hadn't known all this time. Luke had known her mother for a while now by the sound of it, so how could he not have known? Luke had been sitting on this bombshell for God knew how long. She didn't care if he'd told her in resets. He should have told her immediately after they reconnected in this final reset. She felt him waiting until now was unreasonable—that's how mad she was.

"Rita," Luke called after her. "Rita!"

She started to run, ignoring him. The words were spinning around and around in her head. Her mother was alive. Her mother was somewhere out there. Her mother wasn't dead.

"Whoa!" Pete exclaimed, jerking out of the way as she flew past him. It briefly hit her that he was up late, but she let it go. She found a private place to unleash her emotions, and unleash them she did. She screamed and shouted. She cried and pounded her fists against the wall. She paced desolately, speechless, a hand gripping her hair tightly. What was she supposed to do now? She wasn't about to go running off to find her. If her mother had gone this whole time without seeing Rita again after leaving, then maybe Rita didn't want to give her that reunion. Or worse, maybe her mother didn't want to see her. Why else would she have never revealed herself? But then, why would she now? It all made her head hurt very much.

It was a while later when Luke found her. He said nothing as he slipped inside, and she met his concerned gaze with her miserable one.

"Why?" she asked, her voice cracked and emotional. "Why?!"

"I don't really know," he replied softly. "She didn't tell me any details other than she wanted to keep you and Lance safe."

Rita digested this, recognized the familiarity and coincidence of this aligning to her own choices, but she still felt very hurt. "What else did she tell you?"

"She told me to go bring you home," he answered. "She got denied to help fight, but she wanted to. She...she said she was here volunteering and saw you."

"She was here?!" Rita had so many thoughts and feelings right now. Her mother had been here?! Her mind flickered to the shadow she'd seen more than once. Had it been her?

"Where is she now?" Rita asked.

"I don't know," he answered.

"You don't know?" she repeated.

"I don't. She found me and didn't leave a forwarding address. See, it wasn't Rachel that told me you were over here," Luke said. "It was your mother. I told you this a few times, and you got really upset, so I stopped telling you. I promised myself once we stopped resetting, I'd tell you again."

"That's how you knew Brendan was over here," she said, getting it.

"Yea," he confirmed. "I'm sorry for that white lie, but it wasn't the time to tell you, not while we were unpacking so much other stuff in that moment."

"I don't understand," Rita said, sounding a bit anguished now. "How is this possible? How is she alive?!"

"I don't know, but I do know she's been in and out of my life since I was very young," Luke explained. "Rita, your mother...she...she's an assassin, just like your dad." This new information struck Rita in the chest very hard.

"So you got to know her?" She felt so many different things at this thought. Luke had gotten to know her mother, not her.

"No. She was just someone who came to give my mother and Johnny jobs..."

"You knew her," Rita repeated, staring away from him now.

"Rita, I didn't actually know her," he tried again, sounding a little bit frustrated now. She knew she was going in circles.

"I...I can't..." she said, choking up again. When Luke tried to hold her, though, she grew angry and slammed her fist against his chest once, twice. "Don't! Don't touch me!"

"Okay," he said, holding up his hands. "Rita, I don't know what to do right now."

"Don't do anything. Just leave me alone," she ordered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she snapped. "Just...stay away from me." She hugged herself tightly. Luke's face reflected hurt and helplessness, but she just turned away from him to avoid seeing it. After a moment, she heard him leave. She pressed her hands against her face and sobbed.

...

Luke returned to his bed feeling so bad. There never was a good way to break this news to her without her reacting like this; he'd tried. He was afraid she'd become angry with him for knowing and decide to end their relationship, and her telling him to stay away was toeing that line. It scared him. He'd just gotten her back...he couldn't lose her again.

"Rough night?" Kuntz asked, surprising him. He hadn't realized anyone else would still be awake at this hour.

"Yea," he answered truthfully.

"Feels surreal, doesn't it? Winning," Kuntz clarified.

"It does."

"I can't wait to go home."

Luke agreed nonverbally. He was thinking about home a lot, and he wondered what would be left of it. Where would they even go? The farm he had guessed, but he wasn't sure. What was going to happen in the world in the aftermath of all this? He didn't know, and it gave him a headache just thinking about it.

"Do you have anyone waiting for you at home?" Kuntz asked. Luke was surprised. Normally, this guy was not this chatty.

"Friends of mine," he answered truthfully. He was hoping Kenny and Lucy were still alright.

"No wife or kids?"

"They're here," he stated, surprising Kuntz.

"Here?" he repeated.

"Yea. My wife is the Angel of Verdun, and my son just arrived from being in the hospital for a few weeks."

Kuntz burst out laughing, and Luke just smiled. He knew it sounded unbelievable, and he didn't care if people thought he was lying. He was too tired to explain it all anyway.

"That's good," Kuntz said. "Well, best of luck to you."

"Thanks. You too."

The sound of Kuntz snoring about ten minutes later hit Luke's ears. He rolled onto his left side and did his best to fall asleep.

The Next Day

Rita had barely slept. Her eyes were swollen and burning from crying, and her head was foggy and stuffy.

Her mother was alive.

She lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time. She pictured Hendricks in his cot across from her propped on one arm and watching her.

So...that happened. Now what?

His voice in her head was so real that she actually had to look and make sure he wasn't really there, which broke her heart all over again when she saw he indeed was not. Rita pressed a hand to her temple. Maybe she really had lost her mind...maybe this was all just some horrid dream that she was going to wake up from. Maybe she'd wake up at 19 and find herself back on the farm with her father and dating Luke and still have a hopeful future ahead of her. Maybe she'd get a second chance at keeping her family together.

She opened her eyes again. No such luck.

After wrestling with herself, she got up, knowing she had to keep going because people here counted on her. She dressed and wondered how long they'd be stuck here before they could leave. She didn't really know where to go, though. Would her little house still be there? She had a feeling it wouldn't be, that someone probably moved into it by now. Even if it was still available, did she want to stay there? Where would Luke go? She found herself angry at him again. He'd lied about her mother. That was almost worse than believing what he'd said about her on that tape was true.

She was walking and thinking when it happened.

"Well, well, well," a voice said, and her head snapped up. "If it isn't the whore from high school."

Rita stared, fear beginning to pulse through her veins, which was ridiculous. She was the Full Metal Bitch after all.

"Mike," she said, her voice tight.

"Looks like you built yourself a good rep over here," Mike drawled. "I guess they don't know the truth about you."

"Your lie is not my truth," she retorted. He smirked.

"You know, it was a lot of fun seeing you suffer back then. I'm kind of sad you survived this."

Rita watched his hand twitch slightly over where his gun was holstered. She almost dared him to. She was planning her next words when a hand rested on her shoulder firmly.

"Why don't you run back to whatever shithole you crawled out of?" Luke suggested. Rita bristled inside slightly. She didn't need him to help her with this.

"Well, if it isn't the murderer," Mike stated, his eyes cold and steely now as he looked at Luke. "I should have known you two wouldn't be too far from each other."

"Believe what you want, Mike, but I didn't kill Vince," Luke said calmly.

"Bullshit. You hated him. It was the perfect opportunity..."

"How could I have killed him with a sniper rifle bullet fired from a great distance when I was standing next to him?"

"You did it!" Mike roared now. "I know you did it! You hired someone to do it!"

"We're done here," Luke said. Rita pushed his hand off and walked away. She remembered the night Vince had died, and she remembered how shocked Luke had been. Mike had never stopped blaming him apparently. A few moments later, she heard Luke behind her.

"Give me space," she ordered. He caught her arm instead, making her turn around to face him.

"Are we ever going to recover from this?" he asked her. "Just at least be honest about that. I need to know."

Rita fought down her tears. Her trust was broken by him again, and maybe it wasn't like before, but it was a big deal to her that Luke had known her mother all this time. She was beginning to feel crazy for considering she and Luke could work things out. This just hurt way too much.

"I think we should go our separate ways," she said finally. "I think that's for the best."

"I'm not gonna just walk away," Luke advised, looking broken. "I know you don't believe me now, but I really didn't know she was your mother until right before I came here looking for you and Brendan. You have to believe me."

"I don't know what to believe anymore," she said, pulling away.

"Rita..."

"Why else would you show up at the farm?" she asked, having realized this now. "If my mother hadn't sent you there? She knew your mother, right? You needed a place to go. How convenient." She watched his face, something giving away that he'd known this, and she felt hurt all over again.

"She did tell me that," he said carefully. "A long time ago. I didn't know she was your mother; she said Lance was a colleague when I asked."

"Just stop, Luke," she cut him off. "Stop lying to me."

"I'm not lying!" He was aggravated now.

"You were obviously all in cahoots with each other, and I was just some...some joke to you."

"Rita, you're spiraling," Luke said, trying to stay calm. "Please don't overthink this. Yes, it appears there are more connections between you and I, but I was just as in the dark about them as you were."

"Sure you were."

"Rita..."

"I just need to be away from you right now."

"Rita, please..."

She said nothing, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets and walking away from him. This time, he didn't follow her.

...

Brendan was almost mesmerized by Mei. He watched her train on the floor with such fluid movements that it was almost as if she'd done this forever. He was the first one to admit that he had a big crush on her already. He was pretty sure it was not reciprocated, though.

He left to find his mother or his father. Ideally, he hoped to find both of them. Having his parents back together had been a dream of his for his entire life. He walked until he found his mother sitting on a rock with her knees pulled up and her arms resting on them.

"Hey," he said, and she smiled wearily upon seeing him.

"Hi, B."

He felt warm at hearing his nickname, even though it was just the first letter of his name. She would switch between Brendan, Bren, and B, depending on the mood or situation, but more often than not she called him B.

"I can't wait to go home," he said, sitting down beside her.

"I don't know if there's a home to go back to," she advised. "I think we're all gonna have a lot of rough times ahead of us."

"Maybe, but at least we'll have each other," Brendan said cheerily. He noticed his mother's expression then. "Right, Mum? Dad's coming home with us, right?"

"You know, there was a rock just like this one at Verdun," she said, avoiding the topic for some reason. "I sat on it a lot, thinking about you...your grandfather...your dad...this war."

"Mum, focus, please..."

"I never dreamed that your father could hold onto a secret like that for all these years. He knew how much I blamed myself for my mother's death, and he knew about her." Her voice broke a bit. Brendan felt confused.

"What?" he asked.

"My mother is alive, Brendan," she answered, looking at him. "And your father knew and didn't tell me."

It startled him, but he didn't fully know the story since his mother had never really told him much about her past. He'd always felt like she'd been scared or on edge most of the time when he was growing up, but he never could understand why. He wanted to get answers, but he was wise enough to know that right now wasn't the time.

"Well, that sucks, but there must have been a reason he didn't tell you," he insisted.

"Regardless of the reason, I've decided I can't be with him," she finally said.

"No," Brendan said, panicked. "Mum, you can't! You can't break up with Dad again!"

"I'm sorry, B," his mother told him. "But this is how it is. It's not going to work."

"Why? Because he knew about your mother a little bit longer than you did? That's not fair. He did tell you in the end!"

"Keep your voice down," she hissed, shooting looks over her shoulder. No one was there, though.

"I refuse to let this happen," Brendan insisted, crossing his arms. "I want my family together, Mum. You can't do this!"

"Brendan," his mother said firmly, "your father lied to me again..."

"No, he didn't!"

She pressed her lips together tightly, and Brendan knew she was pissed at him now. He swallowed, feeling slightly scared of her. He wanted to push this argument a bit more, but he didn't feel confident enough. He didn't have his father's information to truly fight for him.

"This is between your father and me."

"But this is crazy! You guys love each other. Don't let this ruin that," Brendan begged.

"There's just too much hurt, B," she said softly. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay," Brendan said strongly. "I have spent my whole life wanting my father to come back, and he's here, and you both had things figured out, so why are you now saying there's too much hurt?"

His mother didn't seem to have a response to that, and she eventually just left to be alone. Brendan felt despair, so he went to find his father. He spotted him sparring with Mei in the training room. He couldn't help but briefly admire Mei again before giving himself a shake and getting back down to business.

"Dad," he said importantly, making his father lower his fists and look at him. Mei used this to her advantage, and his father exclaimed in surprise when she managed to knock his feet out from underneath him and sent him crashing down.

"That was clearly a time out," his father said grumpily from the floor.

"No time outs in real life," Mei replied with a shrug. She was smirking, though. His father scoffed and got back to his feet, turning to face Brendan.

"What's going on?" he asked. "You alright?"

"You and Mum aren't fighting to make it work," Brendan said accusingly. Mei excused herself at this point to give them privacy. Brendan stayed staring at his father, who sighed and shook his head slowly.

"It's complicated," he started.

"No, it's stupid," Brendan interrupted. "You were both totally fine until this whole thing with my grandmother, which still blows my mind, by the way, but that shouldn't be the reason you don't stay together!"

"It's brought up a lot for your mother," his father explained carefully. "And she feels I've kept this from her longer than I have."

"How long did you know?"

"Two months."

"So...not years?"

"No."

"Then tell her she's wrong!"

"I did," his father said softly. "Look, I know your mother very well. Don't push her, and she'll eventually come back around. Trust me."

"It took 17 years for her to come back around last time," Brendan pointed out.

"There was more to it than that," his father said.

"Like what?"

"Like none of your business," he retorted, making Brendan feel frustrated. He let out a growl of annoyance.

"I want answers," he said boldly. "I want to know why I grew up without you."

"She's the best one to get that information from."

Brendan was going to push it, but he saw how weary his father was, and he didn't want to make him feel worse. He would have to approach his mother, and he would. When the time was right.

"She's miserable without you, Dad," Brendan said next. "Please, don't let her feel like that again." He didn't know what else to say, so he just left it at that and walked away.

...

Luke watched his son walk away, and he felt bad. He could only imagine what it would be like to have his parents get back together again only to end it once more. He knew he couldn't push Rita right now, though. She was angry, and when she was angry, she was known to not think straight. If he had any chance of making this work, he had to give her some space right now.

He sighed and looked around the room. They were going to be able to go home soon, and he had no idea what to expect. He knew Mei planned to go to college of some sort, and he'd be left alone and lost.

If he was honest, he was angry at Amelia too. How could she have done this to Rita? What could have possibly made her think it was a good idea to stay hidden this long? Did she not know what her "death" had done to her daughter?! He wished he had pressed her more when questioning how she knew Lance or about her family; maybe she would have told him, but he doubted it. He recognized how close this was to what Rita had done to him, and he wondered how long before Rita connected with that. Maybe that was why she reacted so strongly; it brought up all her guilt again. He wished she would just talk to him and believe he really hadn't kept this from her for years. It made him feel so helpless and frustrated.

Luke picked up the discarded melee and strode over to where the fake Mimic was hanging. He didn't turn it on because he wanted an easy kill. He swung and smashed, releasing roars of anger and pain as he did so. When he was finally spent, he dropped the melee and sank to his knees, leaning forward onto his hands and pressing his head into the floor mat.

"Rough day?"

He looked up to see Pete standing there with a raised brow. He scoffed lightly.

"You could say that."

"Wanna talk about it?" Pete offered. Luke sat up and leaned back in his haunches, shaking his head.

"Nah. Nothing to really tell."

Pete came and sat down next to him, crossing his legs and resting his chin on his hand with his elbow resting on his knee. The look he was giving Luke revealed he didn't buy it for a second. This made Luke sigh again and move to sit so his legs were bent and his arms draped across his knees.

"Rita's ended things again," he confessed.

"What? Why?"

"It's a long story, brother," Luke said heavily.

"Well, mate, summarize it for me because you look like you need to get it off your chest," Pete said. Luke gave half a smile and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

When he was done, Pete was sitting there stunned.

"That's insane," he finally said as Luke looked at him. "Freaking insane."

"Yea," Luke agreed.

"Is she going to meet her mother?"

"I don't know." Luke knew that a part of Rita would be curious and want to know while the other part was angry and wanting to not care.

"She wasn't the same after Travis died," Pete said quietly a moment later. "They were close, and it was like she personally blamed herself for his death. She distanced from us until I told her to knock it off, and even then she still kept to herself...was there but not really, you know? And angry. The only time I've seen her relatively happy is when you showed up."

Luke didn't know what to say. He knew that Pete had no idea why Rita blamed herself for Travis's death or all of the moments of anger he'd gotten from Rita in all the resets. He just sat there quiet and nodding. As crazy as it sounded, he could feel Rita's pain and hurt. He always had, even when they were apart for so long. They were linked in a way that most were not.

"Yo, Pete!" Kamden called, making both Pete and Luke look at him in the doorway. "We're up!"

"Coming," Pete said back. When Kamden was gone, he looked back at Luke. "I think she'll come around, mate. Just give her some time."

"Yea. Thanks," Luke said with a very small smile. Pete got to his feet and headed out while Luke stayed sitting.

He was really looking forward to getting the hell out of there.

The Next Day

Rita was barely listening as Brigham droned on. It didn't matter how many medals she was given. They would never bring back Travis or erase all the horror she'd endured and witnessed. They would never heal her pain. They would never make her life normal. They were just reminders of her failure in her mind.

She felt like a zombie when a soldier pinned her latest reminder on her uniform. She hated being watched like she was some hero. She wasn't a hero. She was just a messed up girl who would never figure her shit out and know who she really was.

Then Travis's name was read out, and she flinched. She had agreed to accept his medal and take it to his mother. When the soldier came to her again, she held out her hand to take the box and kept her other hand in a salute. Her throat was tight, and she felt the tears trying to come, but she held them back. She could feel Luke watching her somewhere in the crowd, and she hated that she'd lost him all over again. She really could use his embrace right now.

When it was over, she tried to disappear into the crowd, but he found her anyway.

"Rita," he said, making her see him. "I'm sorry."

A small part of her was bothered that Luke wasn't getting some recognition because it had been him to end the war after all, but no one knew that. He'd been looped in with the general thanks to all the soldiers for their efforts. In their minds, he'd only been there two months and hadn't seen a battle.

Luke watched as she reached to unpin her medal, and she put it in his hand.

"Take it," she said. "I don't want it."

"Rita..."

She walked away, eyes burning. As expected, he jogged after her. Once they were alone, he caught her arm and made her stop. She faced him, not saying a word. She could see he looked tired and upset. He took his hand back, and she almost wished he'd left it.

"Just talk to me," he said, searching her eyes. "Please."

"I don't have anything to say," she answered honestly. What could she say? Everything hurt. Her brain was on fire with millions of questions for her mother. She wanted out of this damn place and to go home.

But she did not know where home would even be, which was another anxiety for her.

"Then I just want to say again that I really, truly did not know she was your mother," Luke said, diving right into it. "You think I would have kept that from you if I'd known? Rita, I knew how much it hurt you and how you blamed yourself for what happened to her. I would have never intentionally kept this from you. I need you to believe this."

In her heart, she knew he wouldn't, but her level of trust for people was low right now. If she was honest, she was more angry at her mother than him, but she'd looped him into it because she couldn't seem to trust that their relationship could start over, that all was just forgiven so easily. In her irrational mind, it seemed better to just stay away from him and avoid him leaving her when he finally realized he couldn't get past what she'd done after all.

"I have to go," she said finally.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to tell Travis's mother that her son didn't just die but died a hero," she answered, holding up the medal box. She figured Doris would have received a death notification by now, but her fear was that she hadn't. With everything going on, did they still have someone who did death notifications? Especially with the amount of loss they had? She knew eventually every loved one would know who they'd lost, but it might take a while.

"I can go with you," Luke tried.

"No," she cut him off sharply. "Absolutely not." She took in the expression on his face, one that said she'd slapped him with her words.

"Alright," he said after a pause. "Why do I feel like I'm never going to see you again?"

Rita knew why he was feeling that way. She was giving him that vibe. She knew she couldn't disappear, though. What good would it do? Brendan wanted Luke in his life, so if she had Brendan in her life, then Luke would be around.

"We have a son, remember? I can't just disappear," she replied.

"If we didn't?" he inquired, and she took a pause before answering. If there was nothing keeping them connected, would she disappear? She wasn't sure.

"We'll never find out, will we?" she countered. Luke took her by surprise then as he suddenly grasped her face with his hands. She knew what he was looking for as he searched her eyes.

"Don't fall into the darkness again," he said. "Please, Rita."

"It's too late," she whispered, pushing his hands away.

"It's not."

"Mum?" Brendan's voice said, and they both turned to see him standing there watching. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Rita lied, giving him a smile.

"Did you two talk?" Brendan asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Not the way you hoped," Rita answered, knowing that's what he wanted. He made a disgruntled sound in his throat.

"This is so stupid," he said. "Mum, you know it is!"

"I have to go," she interrupted. "They are waiting for me."

"Where are you going?" Brendan asked her, following as she began to walk away again. She noticed Luke did not follow, and she was both okay and not okay with that. God, she was so messed up inside.

"I'm taking my friend's things to his mother."

"Oh. Who was it?"

Rita knew she owed her son an explanation of who Travis was, but she was too tired in that moment.

"I'll tell you all about it when I'm back, okay?"

"When will that be?"

"Soon."

"They're going to let us go home," Brendan said now. "Will you meet us there?"

Us. She knew to expect that. Why wouldn't Brendan go with Luke? There was no reason not to. She breathed in and out evenly.

"I'll be in touch," she promised. She was getting her phone back, so she could text him again and know where he was.

"Can I go with you?" His voice was hopeful. She knew he wanted to stay close to her after finding her again, and she wanted him to be with her, but she didn't want him to see her lose her shit after watching Travis's mother find out she was never seeing her son again. Having her son there also just seemed like salt in the wound for that poor woman.

"I really need to do this on my own," she answered. "I'm sorry, B."

"It's okay. I understand."

"I'll see you real soon. I love you."

"I love you too."

She hugged him and kissed his cheek. Then she went to her barrack to gather Travis's things. She paused, standing there for a moment and remembering different things about this place. She wasn't going to miss it.

Rita looked down at her finger to where her engagement ring was. She felt mixed emotions as she slid it off and put it with her wedding band around her neck. She didn't feel she should be wearing it if she wasn't going to make it work with Luke.

Don't, Travis's voice said in her head. Don't give up on it, Rita.

"I can't deal with that right now," she said out loud. "I'm sorry." To stay protected, she had to bury all the stuff with Luke for this moment.

As she headed for the transport that was going to take her to Doris, she couldn't help but feel a great sense of dread.

Because this was going to be her final goodbye to Travis.