Thanks, Emillu :) Maybe you're not the only one who likes my stories, but you're definitely the only one who leaves me a review on my Bluntham crossovers it seems (minus the spam one for art commissions I got on Upside Down), so thank you. I look forward to your thoughts on this chapter :)
I Don't Remember Me (Before You) by Brothers Osborne
Lost by The Cranberries
All I Need to Be by Fireflight
Your Song by Ellie Goulding
2003
New York, U.S.
Luke felt like he was in a fog. He'd actually called in sick to work, which had greatly surprised his boss. Luke never called in sick.
But he felt sick. So sick. He lay in bed and held the sonogram photo in his fingers, staring and staring at it until he was certain it would burst into flames. She was pregnant. She'd left him and took their baby with her.
Or was it even his? That thought pained his heart so much that he couldn't breathe. No way would his Rita cheat on him, would she? He'd left her alone for so long that maybe she had wandered. Maybe she'd gotten fed up with waiting for him and sought solace somewhere else. Maybe she left to be with that guy instead.
No. He pressed a hand over his eyes hard, trying to stop the images of Rita sleeping with someone else from passing through his mind. He sat up abruptly, making Remi squawk and grumble at being jarred awake from his sudden movement. His breathing was erratic, and he realized that he was about to cry. Cry.
God, he was a mess.
He blinked hard and fast to get rid of that wet hotness in his eyes. He cleared his throat roughly once, twice, and then he looked at the cat, who was giving him the stink eye from where she'd ended up.
"What?" he asked irritably. She stuck her nose up, got to her feet, and jumped off to the floor before scurrying away, tail high in the air. Luke sighed roughly and set the sonogram photo on his nightstand before getting up himself. He felt like he was carrying around a thousand pounds...his steps were slow and heavy...his shoulders hunched. He tried to have a shower to rally himself, but it didn't help. He stared at the cupboards afterwards, trying to make himself be hungry, but he wasn't. He sat on his couch listlessly, staring at the wall. What was his purpose? Why was he here? He didn't have the one thing that made him happy anymore, and how was he supposed to live knowing he possibly had a child out there, who he was probably never going to meet?
Why else would she leave? His brain was spinning. Maybe she'd miscarried, and her depression hit her hard and fast so she decided to disappear. Maybe she just didn't want their child to become like him. Did she really think he'd encourage their child to be like him? He'd have quit and done something normal. Hell, he would have suggested going back to the farm so he could be a rancher again. He wouldn't have let their child anywhere near his kind of life. He felt really sad that perhaps Rita had thought he would and left to avoid it.
How could he find her? He couldn't call every hospital in the States looking for her when she was due, asking if they'd admitted her. She might not even go to a hospital. She might have a home birth. She might not be pregnant anymore.
"Arrgghhh!" he yelled, gripping his head as he leaned forward. It hurt. It all hurt so much. He got to his feet, needing some fresh air. A walk might help. He pulled his hood up in case someone from work saw him. He was supposed to be sick after all. He looked down the hall where Abby used to live, and he hoped she was somewhere better now after moving. He noticed his other neighbor hadn't been around recently either. Something niggled in his brain about that guy, but he couldn't reach it—the knowledge of who he was, if Luke even did know. There was something far away in his mind, but it was blurry. He made a mental note to have another conversation with Wes to figure it out.
His feet led him to the water fountain, and he shouldn't have been surprised to find Ronaye there. Her face brightened upon seeing him.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. He cringed inside, turning on his heel instantly to go back home. He'd take a different route in case she followed him. "Wait!" He heard her running to catch him. He hunched his shoulders, wishing he could just disappear. She got out in front of him, and he was forced to stop and notice her.
"Excuse me," he said, trying to go around. She stopped him.
"Are you okay? You look terrible," she noted. "Do you need a friend?"
"I need to be left alone," Luke said, his voice curt. She put her hand on her hip and gave him a look.
"I'm not a bad person," she told him, sounding a little bit hurt. "I'm just trying to help..."
"And I'm telling you I don't need your help," he countered. "Sorry." He stepped around her now, but she kept pace with him.
"What do I need to do in order to get you to like me?" she asked.
"I will never like you."
"That's awfully pessimistic," she commented. He stopped and faced her abruptly, making her stop and stumble a bit at the suddenness of it.
"Take a hint and leave me alone," he said angrily. "I'm not looking for a shoulder to cry on or a friend. I'm not looking for anything. I just want to go on my way." She wilted in front of him, and he felt a twinge of guilt, but he stood firm. She looked at the ground and then back at him before turning away.
"Sorry," she said. "Maybe it's not all about you, you know?" She walked away, and Luke realized she was trying to bond with him as a way of helping herself with something. He worked his jaw as he watched her go, but he didn't stop her. He couldn't take on her issues right now. He was a mess, and he needed to sort his shit out before even thinking about helping someone else.
He made his way home, aching for Rita and trying to understand where it all went wrong.
Illinois, U.S.
"What a night," Jody huffed as she lifted the last chair and set it upside down on the table. Rita was sweeping, and she nodded without a word. She was feeling tired and sore. Chuck had already left, trusting them to lock up.
"You doing okay?" Jody asked, making Rita look at her.
"Oh, yea. I'm just tired," Rita answered, which was half of the truth.
"I bet you're ready for that little one to pop out of there," Jody teased, and Rita smiled.
"I am and I'm not," she confessed. Jody tilted her head.
"Being a new mom is scary," she agreed. "But I think you'll do alright." She gave an encouraging smile, and Rita tried to feel more confident than she did. She now understood how her father felt being a single parent. It was slightly terrifying. How the hell had he done it?
"What if I mess up?" Rita asked, suddenly unable to keep that worry to herself.
"Oh, honey," Jody said with a laugh. "We all mess up."
"But isn't that bad?"
"No, it's being human," Jody corrected. She was wiping the counters off now. "The thing about messing up is you get to apologize and learn from it, and it teaches your child that no one is perfect and they can make mistakes too."
"Right." That made sense. Rita thought about her father making mistakes and how he'd handled it. There had been times where he'd sat down with her and apologized for something he did or said in the heat of the moment that he hadn't meant.
"Have fun with the teenage years," Jody said now with a slight laugh. "I'm ready to give away my kid at the moment."
"Why?"
"Oh, nothing is ever good enough. She says she hates me. Apparently I am mean, controlling, and no fun at all whatsoever, and was I ever a teenager who just wanted to live their own life?" Jody was chuckling by the end, and Rita laughed slightly too. "Of course I was a damn teenager, but now I see why my parents did what they did. I can only hope one day she'll see it too."
"Are you a single parent?" Rita asked.
"I might as well be," Jody sighed. "My husband, bless him, works a lot and when he is home, he always sides with her. It's like I have two kids and not just one."
"That's unfair."
"It is, but I'm used to it." Jody gave a grim smile now. "Alright, love, I think we can call it for tonight."
Rita was glad for this. She put the broom away and went to collect her things. It was nice being around Jody, even if her guard was up. She missed Rachel a lot, and having female companionship was always a comfort. Rita felt bad for not being honest about her name and her life, but for right now, she couldn't trust a soul.
She got home and did her bedtime routine before crawling under the covers. She rested a hand on her baby bump and felt the lump in her throat grow as she thought about how Luke was never going to experience this. She closed her eyes, pretending he was there, and for a second, she felt the warmth of his hand over hers. She held onto it for as long as she could until it disappeared.
Then she cried herself to sleep.
New Orleans, U.S.
Rosie was not getting anywhere. From what she learned about Rita, there was nothing to indicate she was in trouble or had any danger come her way. The only thing she could think was that it was someone from Luke's past that came out of the woodwork and chased her away.
Why else would Rita leave?
She refused to believe her daughter had an affair. Rita was not like that. There had to be another reason for her to take off the way she did.
And Rosie was determined to figure it out.
New York, U.S.
Wes was unlocking his door with a bag of groceries on his hip when he heard a sound next to him. He turned, his flight or fight kicking in, and saw it was Luke.
"Oh," he said, relieved. "Hey. What's..."
"It's you," Luke cut him off, and Wes closed his mouth, the rest of his sentence dissolving quickly. He swallowed.
"Me?"
"Australia," Luke said in Russian, and Wes knew the gig was up. He opened his door and pushed it open.
"Come in," he sighed in Russian, and Luke followed inside. He set down his bag on the table and turned to face Luke.
"Why are you here?" Luke asked in English.
"Your dad wanted me to keep an eye on you."
"That's funny, cos I have someone else telling me my mother asked her to keep an eye on me. How is it that I have two people checking in on me? What's going on?"
"Nothing is going on," Wes answered. "I'm just worried about you, mate."
"I don't need anyone to worry about me," Luke said sharply. Wes held up his hands.
"Look, I'm just here short term. I really am just looking out for you."
"I'm fine."
"Okay," Wes said, his tone slightly amused. "Whatever you say."
"I am!"
"Luke, you always were a bad liar."
"On the contrary," Luke said, affronted.
"Sorry, mate. You wear your emotions on your sleeve a bit."
"I do not..."
"I know your wife left," Wes interrupted to spare another back and forth. "Alright? I know."
"How do you know?"
"What part of me checking in on you did you not get? I know you got married. I know all about the farm and losing Lance and Keira..."
"Don't say their names!" Luke practically exploded, his fists clenched now. Wes stopped talking, and he sighed again.
"I'm just saying that I know a lot, and right now, you're barely hanging on to whatever shred of sanity you have left." He watched Luke do his best to keep the composure of tough and angry, but he slowly began to slump and deflate. He sat down on the chair and put his head in his hands. Wes waited him out, knowing he had more to say.
"I don't know what happened," Luke said finally. "I don't know what I did to make her leave."
"Maybe it had nothing to do with you."
"And how would you know that?" he asked aggressively, looking at him again.
"I don't, but I'm just saying—not everything is because of something you did."
"There's no other explanation," Luke reasoned. "I messed around with this...this job, and she couldn't handle it anymore."
"I think that's why your dad wanted you to get out of that life."
"Too late now."
"It's not," Wes said softly. He watched Luke think.
"It is," he replied after. "What else do I have left? I only know this life, Wes."
"You know how to ranch."
"I can't go back there." Luke shook his head. "I can't let them know what happened."
"Why not?"
"It would break their hearts."
"But they could help you." Wes knew Luke was referring to Lucy and Kenny.
"No. I'm in it now, Wes. I've got nothing else."
"I'm sad to hear you think that way, but I know I can't change your mind."
"Why did you leave?" Luke asked now, and Wes knew what was coming next.
"I had to go."
"You could have saved him."
"I know." Wes held Luke's stare. He felt bad about Brendan getting killed. It was a huge regret that he hadn't stayed there. Maybe Luke would be in a very different place if he had. "But you would have never met Rita."
Luke breathed shakily as he digested this. "Maybe that would have been for the best."
"You'd rather have never known her at all then? Instead of having the time together?"
"No. I don't know."
Wes moved a bit closer to him, making Luke look up. "Hold on, pain ends." He watched Luke think and then give a small scoff.
"Hope," he said. "Right."
"Sometimes hope is what gets us through."
Luke made a skeptical face before getting up to his feet. "Thanks anyway."
"I'm here if you need to talk. Or anything," Wes added.
"Like I said," Luke replied. "I'm fine." He left without another word, and Wes released a long sigh. He'd wondered how long it would take for Luke to recognize him, but it hadn't gone as bad as he'd thought it would.
And he did feel guilty for leaving Australia for work only to have Brendan be killed and Luke taken back. He wished he had just stayed, but when Zeke called, you went. At least that old bastard was dead. Wes was very relieved for that.
He put his groceries away and wondered how long it would be before Luke completely cracked and broke down.
...
It had hit Luke hard and fast about who Wes was. He'd been absently thinking about his father for some reason, and the memory of Wes speaking Russian to him had been so vivid that he couldn't believe he'd forgotten it. After confronting him, Luke wasn't sure how to feel. Was it a coincidence that he was here? Did he know something about Rita? Surely he'd offer up her whereabouts if he knew. Luke was too tired and emotional to try and figure it out, so he decided to just let it go for now. He'd never had a problem with Wes before; he didn't need to have one now.
He made himself something to eat for supper and then forced himself to eat it. Remi was leaving him alone at least. He wasn't up for cat shenanigans right now. He rested his hand against his brow, holding his head up. He was thinking about going to bed early when his phone rang. He sighed.
"Yea?"
"Got a job. Meet me at our spot." Alex sounded a bit terse this time. "Or are you too 'sick'?"
Luke bristled. "Fine, I'll be there."
He hung up and let his phone hit the table with a clatter and pressed his fingers into his eyes, rubbing his lids hard. Then he released a heavy sigh and got up. This was his life. This was who he was.
There was no going back now.
A Few Days Later
Illinois, U.S.
Rita was sitting at the diner and picking at her muffin. Her juice was mostly untouched. Brian came over with a concerned look on his face.
"You okay?" he asked, his fingers moving at the same time. He blushed. "Sorry. Habit. We're teaching Molly to sign, so I've been signing while I talk."
"It's alright," Rita answered. "And yes, I'm fine. Just tired."
"Getting very close now," Brian said, nodding in acknowledgement. "You scared?"
"Terrified," Rita admitted. She had to avoid his gaze. It was too much like Luke's, and that made her hurt inside.
"Well, you're not alone," Brian said, and she finally did look at him because she didn't get what he was saying.
"What do you mean?"
"You've got us," Brian answered cheerily. "We'll help you with whatever you need. Jo's been doing well so far, and she can give you tips and assistance."
"Oh, I wouldn't want to..." Rita started.
"Now, Rose," Brian said sternly, stopping her. He put a hand on his hip and lifted a brow at her. "When someone offers you help, you say thank you."
It was just so...cheeky. Rita was taken aback and didn't know what to say. To her relief, he burst into laughter and shook his head.
"I'm just teasing," he said. "Of course, you have to be comfortable with it. I'm just letting you know that Jo is here if you ever need her."
"Thank you."
He went off to serve someone else, and Rita felt flustered. Then she felt nervous. Why was Brian so insistent that she be a part of them? She didn't trust it. Maybe she should stop coming here. She strongly considered this until she realized that would mean not being reminded of Luke so much, and that was hard to give up right now. She knew it wasn't the best reason for staying in someone's life, but this was where she was stuck. She watched Brian finish with the customer and head to the back. Callie was signing something to him, and he responded. Rita suddenly just wanted to learn this language. She thought it might give her something else to focus on other than her current situation. When Brian came back with the bill, she suddenly felt shy about asking him.
"Well, have a great day," he said to her with his smile.
"Wait," she said when he turned to go.
"Yeeeess?" he said, imitating a character from some cartoon.
"Erm, nevermind." Rita shook her head, chickening out.
"No, no, no," Brian immediately said. "You can't do that. Spit it out! Come ooon."
"Brian, leave her alone," Jo scolded, walking by at this point. "You're harassing the poor woman!"
"Oh, it's okay..." Rita started. Jo could sign and speak because she was older when she went fully deaf, her hearing having declined since birth. She could also read lips.
"She's my friend," Brian interrupted. "We're just joking around."
Friend? Rita felt surprised. Did he seriously just call them friends? She barely knew him! But...she so longed to have a friend again, so would it be that bad? Her mind was at war with this; she had to stay safe after all. No one could get close enough to truly know her, not anymore.
"If he's bothering you, just say the word," Jo said to her.
"He's not."
"See?" Brian was triumphant. "Shoo, shoo!" He waved his hands at Jo, and she sighed heavily before walking away. He turned back to Rita. "So, what is it you were gonna ask me?" He waited, and Rita blurted it out before she could stop herself.
"Can you teach me to sign?" she asked. His face brightened.
"Of course! Brilliant! I thought you'd never ask," he said with a wink. Rita hoped she wasn't blushing. She cleared her throat.
"Cool. Thanks." She smiled at him. He held up a finger.
"I'll be right back."
She watched him hustle to the back, and about five minutes later, he returned with a sheet of paper and handed it to her. She took it, seeing hand signs on it.
"What is it?" she asked.
"The alphabet," he answered. "Study that until you've got it memorized. Then we'll get into numbers."
"Okay."
"Have fun!" He beamed at her. She smiled back.
"Thank you." If she was honest, she was looking forward to learning something again. She left with the paper folded in her pocket, and she wondered what Luke would think of her spending time with another man and learning a new language. She tried not to think about it or the fact he could have moved on too. It killed her to think that. No. She wouldn't allow herself to think that right now. She wouldn't even think about what it meant to be spending time with Brian in the future. He'd said it after all—they were friends. She was allowed to have friends, but she was going to be very guarded. She still didn't trust anyone after all.
New York, U.S.
Simon stepped into his apartment after finishing a job with Luke. It still brought him great pleasure to see how unhappy Luke was. No, not unhappy...downright destroyed. He'd even called in sick to work! It confirmed, yet again, that there really was something awfully horrid about wondering why the love of your life just abandoned you without a word.
Simon pulled out a beer and took a few swigs, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards. He looked out the window at the city below, and he briefly wondered where Rita had ended up. He knew she'd be scared of him, and the best part was that he didn't have to bother looking for her to make her forever look over her shoulder. Maybe one day he'd search for her, but for now, it was more fun to let her stress for no reason.
He smiled to himself. Things really were just so good right now. His phone vibrated with a call, and he saw it was Mayor Danny, which made him smile even wider.
"Hello, you," he answered, turning away and heading for his bedroom. It was going to be a good night after all.
A Week Later
Illinois, U.S.
Rita was attempting to bend down and pick up money that had fallen when it happened again. The pain was sudden, and it took her breath away.
"Ooohh," she groaned, clutching her baby bump. Jody was there instantly.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked, helping Rita stand up straight again.
"I...I'm not sure."
"Contractions?"
"No...it's too early," Rita replied, feeling scared. Chuck was there now, wearing a frown.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"We're trying to figure that out," Jody replied. Chuck surveyed Rita carefully.
"I recognize that look," he said. "That's labor."
"It can't be," Rita gasped out as more pain went through her. "I'm early..."
"Get her to the hospital," Chuck told Jody. "Just in case."
"Righto," Jody agreed, steering Rita to the door now.
"I need my bag," Rita began, and Chuck ran to get it. Once in Jody's car, Rita felt silly because the pain was subsided now. "Just take me home. I'm fine, really."
"Nope. Not happening."
"I don't have my overnight bag," Rita said. "I don't even have one packed..." She felt so stupid, but she thought she had more time.
"We'll sort that out later. For now, let's just see what's going on, okay?"
"You don't have to stay with me," Rita insisted. "I'll be fine."
"Nonsense," Jody said. "I'm in this with you now." Rita didn't know what to say, but she didn't want Jody there. She hardly knew her, and attending a birth was something a close friend or family member did.
Oh, the heartache. Luke was going to miss the birth of his child. Rita felt so guilty again in that moment, to the point she almost called him on her cell phone to tell him. She resisted, though. She had to keep their child safe.
At the hospital, she got checked in and checked over. To her dismay, they told her she was indeed in labor.
"But it's early," she said, trying not to sound scared. The nurse was kind and soothing.
"Sometimes it happens," she replied. "But you're here and in good hands. Don't worry about a thing."
But Rita did worry. She'd never done this. What if she died in childbirth like her mother did? Her heart started to race, and she felt a panic attack coming on.
"Rita?" Jody said, poking her head in. "I am so, so sorry, but my daughter's been in a car accident. Apparently she was with a boy I didn't know she was dating. I...I have to go."
"Go," Rita urged. "I'm okay. I promise." It was a lie, but she didn't want Jody to see her freaking out.
"I'll come back."
"No, it's okay. Really."
Jody gave her a look that said she was coming back, and then she was gone. It hit Rita hard that she actually did want her to stay after all. She was alone in her anxious thoughts for a long time when the door opened and a woman with short, dark brown hair and green eyes came inside. For some reason, Rita suddenly felt calm in her presence.
"Who are you?" she asked. Maybe she was getting a different nurse, but the woman was not wearing scrubs.
"My name is Amelia," the woman answered. "I'm a volunteer here."
...
Rosie had come back to Illinois to find her daughter learning sign language with the diner boy, and she wondered what Rita was up to here. She left it alone, though. Having a friend wouldn't hurt, so long as she didn't do anything more than that. She belonged with Luke; Rosie firmly believed that. Maybe she was being irrational, but she didn't care. It was mildly concerning to see her spending time with someone who looked almost exactly like Luke.
Today, she hadn't seen her go home at her usual time, so she went to the bar and was trying to figure out how to ask about Rita without being obvious or suspicious when a regular customer asked where the pretty pregnant girl was, and the owner advised she was in labor. In labor! All by herself!
She knew it was crazy, that she would be causing bigger hurt if she was found out, but she could not stand the idea of her daughter giving birth alone. She just couldn't.
So, here she was, standing in front of her daughter and telling a bit of a white lie about who she was just so she could be in the same room as her.
"A volunteer?" Rita repeated, her voice a bit faint. She looked peaky, and Rosie knew that was because of a few things right now.
"Yes."
"Why are you here?"
"I'm just doing my rounds and making sure everyone is comfortable. But enough about me. Right now, we need to focus on you having this baby." Rosie stood next to her and reached to rub Rita's arm fondly.
"I'm...fine," Rita insisted, and Rosie almost laughed at the similarities between them. They both didn't want to admit when they needed help.
"Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. I know you're scared, but it'll be all over soon."
"What if I die?" Rita blurted out, and Rosie flinched inside, knowing what was coming next. "My mother died giving birth to me. What if the same thing happens to me? What will become of my baby?"
"Is the father around?"
"No."
"Can you find him?"
Rita nodded vigorously, wordless. Rosie felt so bad for instilling this fear of dying in her.
"What if you write down his address for me, and if anything happens, I'll make sure he gets word."
"No," Rita said tightly. "It's not safe...the baby won't be safe with him."
This was new information. "Why not?"
"I really don't want to get into that right now."
"Alright." Rosie wanted to ask more, but she held off. Why was it not safe to be around Luke? The question was burning in her mind. "Anyone else, then?"
"L-Lucy," Rita said, breathing hard. "Lucy Fields. Montana." She rattled off the address.
"Okay, got it. But...you'll be just fine," Rosie promised.
"You don't know that," Rita whispered.
"But I do," Rosie said simply. "Everything is gonna be alright." She saw Rita wince from another contraction, and she grabbed Rosie's hand.
"I really am f-fine," Rita insisted.
"You sure look it," Rosie replied agreeably but also a touch sarcastically. It made her daughter scoff out a bit of a laugh and then groan in pain.
"I'm not going anywhere, luv," Rosie said to her. "I stay where I'm needed, and right now, you need me. Deny it all you want, but I can see it." Rita let out a bit of a cry then, and Rosie kept on soothing her. Rita stopped trying to tell her to leave then, which made Rosie feel relieved.
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Rose Woods."
A fake name. Interesting.
"Well, Rose, we're in this together," Rosie promised.
"He's early," Rita said.
"How early?"
"Just shy of four weeks."
"I think it'll be okay," Rosie assured her. "And maybe your due date got messed up. We won't know until he comes out. Don't get too worked up about that right now if you can." The doctor and nurses were back now and getting ready to deliver.
"Who are you?" a nurse asked.
"A volunteer," Rosie answered.
"I'll have to ask you to leave since you're not family."
"No!" Rita cried out, gripping Rosie's hand even tighter. "P-Please let her stay. Please. I...I don't have anyone else, and I don't want to do this alone." The nurse took in Rita's scared face and conceded.
"Gown up," the nurse ordered, and Rosie pried her hand from Rita's to do so and then was right back in there.
"Almost there, lovely," Rosie said as Rita pushed a bit later. It hurt to see her daughter crying because she knew she'd rather Luke be there. Rosie wished that too. A little cry sounded, and both Rosie and Rita looked towards the sound. After a moment, the doctor brought over the little baby, and now Rosie was crying because her grandson was beautiful and all in one piece, even if he was a little on the small side (but she thought just shy of six pounds was good for being early). Rosie was so grateful there wasn't anything wrong. They'd declared him healthy.
"Oh my God," Rita whimpered, holding her son. Rosie smoothed her hair fondly and smiled at her.
"What are you going to call him?"
"Brendan," Rita whispered. "Brendan Luke Lancelot."
Rosie felt the twinge inside at Lance's name, and she blinked back fresh tears. "That's beautiful, luv."
"Thank you," Rita said, looking at her now. "For being here. Even though I don't know you." Rosie wondered if Rita would recognize her, but she knew she'd changed her hair and dyed it, and she'd never really had a good photograph of her taken beforehand, so what Rita might have had to look at wasn't what she was now.
"My pleasure."
"If you live here, do you suppose we could...we could see you again?" Rita asked hesitantly.
"Of course. I'm happy to help. My brother too, if ever needed. We live together."
"Thank you."
"So, why is the father not in the picture?" she asked curiously.
"It's a long story," Rita sighed. Rosie had hope that maybe she'd get to hear the truth, but she wasn't going to push. She had a piece of information, and that would have to do. She was in this now, and she wasn't going to back out.
"I'll leave you to get some rest," Rosie said. "Let me know if you need anything. Here is my mobile number." She handed a piece of paper to Rita, who took it and tucked it away. Rosie slipped out, giving them one last look before she went.
...
Rita felt so exhausted but also so thrilled. She had a son. She was holding her son. He was small but had big eyes and a curious expression. He looked so much like Luke that it made her cry.
"Hello, baby," she whispered, touching her son's fingers and marveling at how intricate every detail was. "My little love."
The guilt was squeezing hard, but she steadied her breathing and hardened her resolve. She did this to keep this little baby safe. She couldn't go back now. If she did, and something happened to Brendan, she'd never forgive herself.
"It's you and me," she whispered, kissing Brendan's head softly. He made a sound in return that melted her heart. She looked at the door where Amelia had left, and she was so glad the woman had stayed. She'd felt familiar, being British and all, but she was also just so motherly and sweet...comforting. Rita hadn't intended on bonding with her or keeping in touch, but she just wanted someone to talk to if she needed. She ached with wanting her mother right now too, so if she could have the next best thing, she'd take it.
The nurse came to give her a rest, getting Brendan settled next to her where she could still see him. Rita fell asleep shortly after her son did, feeling happy despite all the other emotions swirling around in her body.
...
"You're mad," Wes said as Rosie stood there feeling so many emotions. "Absolutely crackers. Bonkers. Insane." Apparently, he'd shown up at their rental place and found her there.
"I get it," she cut him off, giving him a look.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I don't know."
"You realize how much worse this will hurt her when she finds out?" he asked. When, not if. Rosie noticed that clearly.
"I panicked," she said. "I know it's bad."
"And you looped me into it!" Wes said, aggravated. "I mean, at least you left us as still siblings and not a married couple but geez, Rosie! This is not what I had in mind when you suggested we look out for them."
"I'm sorry!" she cried, balling her fists. "I don't know what came over me! I just...I couldn't let her do it alone...she was scared!"
"I know," Wes said gently, going to hug her now. "I know, and after seeing her, you didn't want to leave her behind again, but Rosie, how are we gonna do this? We can't do this to her. We have to come clean."
"What's the harm in us just being friends?" Rosie asked. "We're still in her life, and she won't hate me."
"You have got to get over that fear."
"I can't."
"What about her being in danger? Huh? You were scared of that too."
"If anything starts, I will leave her behind instantly."
"Rosie." Wes shook his head slowly. "This is not going to end well. You know that, right?"
"I know," she whispered. She did. She knew full well, and yet she was doing it anyway. Maybe she really was insane.
"Oh God," Wes groaned, pressing a hand into his face. "Well, when she does disown you forever after finding out, at least you'll still have me. I'm not going anywhere, even if you are bloody mental and deserve to be alone."
"Thanks, Wes."
He just shook his head again and went to make himself something to eat. Rosie sank down on the chair and felt so many things. Guilt. Joy. Nervousness. Excitement. She was going to be in her daughter's life, and even though she was going completely the wrong way about it, it was still something that made her feel happy.
And when that day did come where she came clean, she knew she had to accept whatever consequence Rita would give her. If that meant losing her, then it was Rosie's own fault.
She really, really hoped she'd never lose her daughter.