Verosika let out an annoyed huff at Blitzo's sudden entrance. She was so close to getting the sweetest kiss she'd had in ages.
"What do you want, asshat?" Verosika said nonchalantly, though her irritation was evident.
Blitzo, glaring daggers at her, stood firm. "I already told you my reason! Drop my unpaid intern, now!" His voice carried an unusual edge of resolve.
Verosika rolled her eyes, scoffing. "And I thought maxing out my credit card was the lowest you'd go. Now you're forcing a human child to work for you?" she sneered. "Well, no more." She turned her attention back to Eli, still secured in her embrace. "How about it, sweetie? Leave Blitz-O and his sorry excuse for a company and come work for me instead. You'll be safe and sound." Her tone softened to a purr.
Eli managed to free one of his arms and respectfully pushed Verosika's face away, her expression shifting to shock. "This is non-consensual. Stop it." He said dryly, though his tone remained flat. He resumed struggling, albeit half-heartedly now that Blitzo and Moxxie were here.
Verosika chuckled, regaining her composure. "Still trying to play hard to get, huh?" She teased.
Moxxie cleared his throat. "Ms. Mayday, could you—"
He was cut off by an incubus lounging nearby. "Wanna kissy, little guy?" The demon, Josh, taunted.
"I'm flattered, but I'm married." Moxxie replied curtly, his newfound fatherly confidence shining through.
Clearing his throat again, Moxxie continued, "Miss Verosika, what you're doing right now constitutes... um, sexual harassment." His voice carried a hint of nervousness.
Verosika blinked, genuinely surprised. "It is?" She asked, turning to her crew for confirmation.
Apple nodded. "Well, yeah."
The rest of the crew either shrugged or nodded in agreement.
"You don't like this?" Verosika asked Eli awkwardly. His blank stare was answer enough. Verosika genuinely believed Eli was just playing coy—most demons, and even humans, typically welcomed her advances.
Damn it, Verosika thought. I was supposed to make him comfortable with me.
Blitzo let out a mocking laugh. "Ha! Seems like the bitch actually thought she could get everything she wanted."
Verosika growled, glaring at him.
"Since when do we care about this?" Milky chimed in, her tone dismissive. "We're in Hell, after all."
Blitzo ignored her and focused on Verosika. "Look, you can take my parking spot. You can take my whole damn floor. But I draw the line at my employees." His voice dropped, becoming uncharacteristically serious. "And you don't know who you're messing with by molesting him. So here's your one and only warning."
Verosika smirked. "Hmm." She tapped her chin mockingly. "Nope. I don't know what made you so traumatized."
"That'd be Millie." Eli and Moxxie thought simultaneously.
Millie sneezed in the parking lot, momentarily confused. She shrugged and resumed searching for a space.
"Besides." Verosika continued, her tone sweetly mocking, "I'm sure Eli would be much more interested in the luxurious, successful lifestyle I could provide. Way better than anything you have to offer."
The jab hit a nerve, and Blitzo snapped. "Oh, you petty bitch! Fine! I challenge you to a—uh—challenge! Fuck, I said challenge twice."
"Oh, I think he just issued a demon duel." Kiki giggled gleefully.
"Yeah, I did!" Blitzo snapped, though his confidence wavered almost instantly. "And I bet my crew can clip more heads than you STD-spreaders can get laid in a day!"
A heavy silence followed. Blitzo's eyes widened as the weight of his words hit him.
Verosika and her crew erupted into laughter. Blitzo looked mortified, and Moxxie's expression mirrored his boss's dread.
"Shit, Mox. I'm fucked." Blitzo muttered.
"You... definitely are, sir." Moxxie replied, anxiety dripping from his voice.
Blitzo took a deep breath, resigning himself to his fate. "Fine! If we win, we get our space back."
Verosika raised an eyebrow at his defeated tone but smiled smugly. "And if we win, we get to keep Eli here for a week."
"Sure..." Blitzo muttered tiredly, only to immediately snap back. "Wait—FucK! NO! DAMN IT!" He dropped to his knees, clutching his head in despair.
Moxxie inhaled sharply, realization dawning on him. "Crumbs..." He muttered. His foster son was officially in real trouble.
Eli froze, his stoic demeanor replaced by comical petrification.
"Game on." Verosika sang, her crew cheering confidently while the incubuses sighed in exasperation.
Verosika leaned toward Eli, planning to sneak a cheeky kiss, but Blitzo acted first. He threw the grimoire to Eli, who caught it. Following Stolas's teachings, Eli sank into the shadows and reappeared beside the kneeling Blitzo.
"You don't know what you're messing with, Mayday." Blitzo warned one last time, standing and walking away with a grimacing Moxxie and Eli trailing behind him.
Verosika watched them vanish, her curiosity piqued by Blitzo's ominous words.
A/N: Yeah, this is a lot more harder than I thought.
Look I'm trying my best to make thinks as humorous as possible and it ain't as easy as I thought it would be.
Hot damn, the cold is really killing me right now. Sorry reupload, I was sleepy and accidently wrote something twice.