She'd had a day and a half of liquids, and Jack was happy to hear that for dinner, Lisa would be given some softer foods. Progress. It had taken longer to get to this point mostly because Lisa was just so exhausted she could barely eat and stay awake, but today, she finally was awake more and seemed a lot more alert. It wasn't that she had been unaware of what was going on, but she literally could barely keep her eyes open. Today, she'd already had a full morning, starting breakfast again with more liquids, a longer session of occupational therapy for her arm and hand, and then more liquids. She'd napped briefly between all of that, and this afternoon, physical therapy was coming and wanted to get her sitting up and possibly even standing. They weren't wanting her to move around much yet, but even with the broken pelvis, they wanted to at least get her on her feet and see what that was going to look like.
Jack had stepped out during the morning when the occupational therapist had been working with Lisa, feeling a bit in the way and wanting to give Lisa some space. The two were doing okay, but they hadn't spoken much about THEM since Lisa's comment that Jack had ruined them now over a day ago. It felt like so much longer. Each day here felt like an eternity, not the company for Jack, but just all of it. Having Lisa state her heartache, well, it broke Jack. He hated he had done so much to hurt the woman he loved the most. He had ruined them. He knew it, and it was now just one more example of the conversation they needed to have, but for now, the focus was Lisa's health, and he was not about to start pressuring her to talk when she was struggling to stay awake. Thankfully, she wasn't rebuking all his help, and for once, Jack was glad about France-perhaps the reason she wasn't resisting help is that they both needed each other to muddle through the language barrier of a French hospital.
With it now almost 1:00, Jack stepped back into Lisa's room with some lunch. He'd brought soup and another ham and cheese croissant. He had to admit those were pretty tasty, and he'd been eating them just about each day. The soup, he was happy to share and hoped that Lisa would eat some. She'd had some coffee around 6:00 AM, more coffee and some gelatin around 10:00, so now, it was time for a late lunch before physical therapy arrived. He'd checked on Lisa about a half hour ago, and she was asleep after her morning therapy session, so that had been his cue to cut out for lunch.
Jack was pleasantly surprised to see that Lisa was both awake and more upright in the hospital bed when he returned and even had on the television, which he hadn't touched in the two and a half weeks he had now been here.
"Now, this is a good sight to see," he told her as he stepped into her room and slid the sliding glass door closed. He smiled warmly at her as he moved back into the room. They'd almost had a silent agreement the last day to just deal with the situation at hand and not their problems. "Glad you are awake and even better you are trying to watch the television."
She frowned as she looked over at Jack who was putting his lunch on the tray table, "Except there aren't any English-speaking channels on the few they get here. I get plenty of them at the house. I'm not collected enough to think through the French they are speaking, so the best I could do was the British news, but it's more like their stock market channel or something," she waved with her good hand. Jack glanced at the screen and turned back to her, making his own face.
"Kinda glad I haven't even touched that television since I've been here. That," he pointed to the tv, "does not look exciting. I ran into Helene when I was out, and she said if things go well with your food tonight at dinner, they are going to transfer you to the step-down tomorrow. Really good progress, Lise," he told her with a small smile and nod.
Lisa wasn't exactly ready to jump out of the bed, and she was leaning back against her pillow, but she offered a small smile too.
"I cannot wait to get a shower. You have no idea how badly I want that. My hair is just awful, and don't even get me started on how much I am looking forward to just a complete scrub of every inch of my body. The idea of it though, is incredibly daunting."
Jack stepped toward Lisa and frowned with a nod, "Yeah, you probably won't believe I asked them to clean up your hair a week or so ago, knowing it would bother you. They did," he nodded, pointing to her head, "but there's still some blood even in it now. I can imagine that will be a wonderful feeling, finally getting yourself a hot shower. I know how much you enjoy them when you have just had a long day at work."
"What I am not looking forward to is standing up. I'm in a lot of pain," she told him. "I don't want stronger drugs, just not to be in so much pain."
Jack nodded with a sympathetic glance as he pulled out the food, "Still have a headache? I mean, I know your pelvis-"
"Dull headache, that is a little better. I'm glad I've slept through what, three weeks of this now, over three weeks. I suppose that's just healing I've done without knowing about it. I can't imagine what the pain would have been like if they'd had me awake."
Jack eyed her, "Your swelling from the subdermal hematoma went on much longer than they expected. To tell you the truth, I was getting worried it was going to cause permanent damage, and it was the most wonderful thing," he paused as he teared up and got choked up, waving his hand before he continued, "to hear that it was decreasing, that they would wake you up finally. I didn't want you in pain either, so I suppose things happen for a reason. I'm sorry you were in such pain, are still in such pain. I know it's going to be hard to get up today, but it's a step toward getting out of here, quite literally. You still have a long road ahead, but getting out of here, getting you home-"
"Home is Tulon," she cut in, eyeing Jack. He was taking off the lid from the soup container, and he met her gaze and nodded.
"Lise, I'd love nothing more right now with you in the hospital to get you back to Toulon. That will be such a relief, getting you there."
"Well," she put her good arm across her chest almost in defense and bit her lip as she looked to the window, "then you will finally feel ready to go home, so I'm sure you are ready to get me to my house so you can get to Heartland."
Jack sighed as he moved over to sit on the edge of the bed and look at Lisa. He waited for her to meet his gaze and then made sure to keep eye contact, "I will be happy to get out of here and get to Toulon to stay there with you. Period. I know you will have rehab for some time, and I'm not going anywhere, not without you. I know I've made a mess of things and am determined to fix things. I can't change the past, but all I want in my future is you. I know the cliché is that it takes a serious problem to get some clarity, and I'm sorry, but it did. I don't want a life without you, and we can talk more about this later because I know you're tired. Talking about all of this is exhausting and quite frankly, gives me a headache, and I didn't have the accident. Now," he reached over and squeezed her hand there since she'd relaxed her arm and dropped it to her side. "I've brought up some delicious soup, a chicken noodle today. I've tried about all of them, and this one is really tasty. Can I interest you in some of the broth? I think you will like it?"
He had to smile and note to himself she must be starting to feel better because with that declaration about the soup, she seemed interested and gave him a nod of her head.
"Chicken noodle?"
"Yes, ma'am," he told her. "I might remember that it is a favorite of yours."
"That does sound good, and if they are going to let me eat some solids, I'll gladly slurp down some of the noodles."
"Just be careful with that, Lise," he told her, bringing the soup over on the tray. "Do you want some help eating this?"
"No, I've got it. Thankfully, my left arm is okay. I'm perfectly capable of feeding-" she paused and caught Jack frowning at her, and she rolled her eyes and amended her statement. "Okay, fine, I'm capable today, in this moment of sipping broth."
"I know you are independent and know you hate having help, but I just wanted to offer. I think you can do this too. You're looking much better than even yesterday when you were finally awake more. As far as your arm, I said the same," he told her as he took the lid off the cup of coffee he'd brought her too, gesturing to her. "At least it wasn't your dominate left hand. We even think alike when you're this injured."
Lisa looked up at him with hope, "Is that coffee for me?"
"Absolutely, you finish that and want more, I'll happily get it. Now," he said, her lunch now situated, "how is that?"
Lisa had already started sipping at the coffee, "Much better than what they have been bringing me. Who wants beef broth by itself? I'm about ready to yank out this feeding tube myself if they bring me beef broth again."
"Just let them take out that tube, no need for you to injure yourself more," he told her, taking up his spot at the end of the bed where he started to watch her eat. "Sounds like that is coming out in the morning, which is huge, Lise. Helene said you might only be in the step down a day or two and then to the floor. I know the pain is the biggest problem now, but hopefully, they can regulate that enough to get you up and moving."
Lisa had taken a sip of the soup and then looked to Jack, "Did you already eat?"
"Nah," he waved his hand. "I'm fine right now."
"You need to eat," she frowned at him.
"Oh," he raised his eyebrows at her, "now who is worried? I'm fine."
"Of course, I'm worried about you," Lisa almost spit out, Jack noticing some 'fire' returning to her eyes. "It's not like I want you dead. Why wouldn't I worry? Just because we're done, doesn't mean I am not worried."
"And, just because I messed up badly doesn't mean I don't recognize it and want to fix things with us, do whatever I have to to fix things with us. We've had some good years, Lise, and I intend to prove it to you that you're the most important thing in my life, and that I love you more than anything. I was just too stupid to admit that before, but now I see the mess I'd made of everything. I've been too stubborn to work on us."
"Can I tell you something?" Lisa eyed him as she leaned back and continued to sip on her coffee. She raised an eyebrow back at Jack as he'd done to her.
"You can tell me anything, even if I don't want to hear it. I've been too stubborn to listen, but I'm listening now."
"To be honest," she started and then glanced at him, locking eyes with him, "as I've examined our relationship these last few months, especially these last weeks after-"
"I kicked you to the curb and ruined the best thing in my life?" Jack commented, a small nod at her. "Go on," he encouraged.
"I am very independent, but I was very happy trying to create a life with you. I loved our life together, until it felt more and more and more like you were the main character in the story of our lives, and I was just the supporting person. I felt like all was well if you were happy, but that I was in the background, an afterthought, just your support. Things went by your schedule. Travel, well, it went by your schedule, which meant not at all for the two of us. Going forward as a couple was on your schedule, which meant we didn't. Even the family, it was all on your terms. We stayed at the ranch because you don't like to be away from your own bed, which is ironic here," she waved at the chair, "seeing as how you've been sleeping just fine in a hospital chair. You were even going to adopt Georgie without talking to me, Jack. I still can't wrap my head around that. How does that say you want a life for us? Things were good with us if I just did what you wanted, not what WE wanted or discussed, not what might move US forward together."
The room was silent for a few moments before Jack just nodded and then met her gaze, "You're right, about all of it. I don't know why I thought what I did when I did. Regarding Georgie," he pursed his lips and nodded, "yeah, I hated the idea of sending her away and saw the only way to keep her there was to offer to foster or adopt her. It was wrong of me not to talk to you then. I should have," he said with a single nod of his head. "I suppose I was afraid of your response, knew your response-"
"Are you so rooted in this idea of the two of us never moving forward," she waved her hand, "that, that," she paused trying to find her words, "that marriage is never an option, that talking to me about a little girl in our lives wasn't something you felt you could do? What that you would raise her and I wouldn't notice, or had you even considered what that would mean for us?"
"No, I didn't," he answered swiftly. "I'm not going to try and defend myself because I made a mess of that entire situation and was embarrassed when all of that was pointed out to me. I didn't think-"
"Well, that's one thing we can agree on, and I can spread that idea to many things over these last few years."
"Yes, you can," he told her, nodding. "I've been an idiot. I didn't think at all about us regarding Georgie, and that was wrong. On the flip side, all I did was think about what a disaster the trip to France was and when that finally came out, my holding back my thoughts blew up on us. I know I'm not doing anything right. I'm working hard to change that now, and you are my top priority. My health problems, yours," he waved at her, "put a lot in perspective. I'm here in France because you're here," he pointed to her bed. "I'm not going anywhere, not without you."
She raised an eyebrow at Jack, "I'm expecting I won't be traveling for a few months."
"Fine," he stated as soon as she finished talking. "The girls and Tim can handle things at home. They had to when I was in Arizona."
"Arizona," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "Let's not talk about Arizona."
"Fine with me," Jack said, pursing his lips again with a roll of his head. "It was awful-"
"Too hot?" Lisa asked, the two now discussing Arizona even when both said they didn't want to.
"No, yes, I mean," he paused and met her gaze. "I was miserable. I made the biggest mistake sending you away. That should have been a trip we did together. Lisa, do you realize how much I've beaten myself up about it? Not only did I miss you terribly and realize that breaking up us was the biggest mistake of my life, all of this," he waved at Lisa, "this horrible accident, Lise, I've sat here for weeks now thinking that if I'd not sent you away," he paused and looked away, wiping at his face as his voice wavered. He turned and locked eyes with her, "None of this would have happened if you had been with me, where you should have been-this mess with us, the fact I destroyed us, and worst of all because it's damaged you physically so badly, this accident Lise. I feel completely responsible for this. I am completely responsible for this, and for days and days, I just prayed you would get better because I couldn't fathom the thought of losing you, and I mean something happening to you because of me. You want to toss me-I can't stop you eventually, even if I'm not going anywhere until you are out of here. I will be broken and have lost the love of my life, but I'll go home if at least you are alive because a world without you is not one I want to know."
Lisa's expression told Jack she was stunned; he'd stunned her at his admission, and just as she was about to speak, they were interrupted. They were always interrupted. At home, it was always the kids. Here, it was always the medical team needing to check something or prod her. Jack glanced to the door and saw now the physical therapist had arrived for the afternoon. Lisa just stared at Jack until the therapist started to talk, in French, and both shook their head at her.
"We stand up," she said in her broken English, but both Jack and Lisa nodded in relief at the attempt.
"Oh, hello," they heard and saw Helene stepping into the room. "I was told to get here by 1:30, so I hope I'm not late."
"She just came in," Jack waved at the physical therapist. He stood to move Lisa's tray, "Do you want more of this soup?"
"No," she said with tight lips, but then nodded, "ahh, thank you though. It did taste good."
"You didn't eat much," Jack eyed it. "I guess you did finish that coffee."
"You eat it. I know you didn't have lunch and gave me yours-"
"It's fine," he waved, adding, "I have a sandwich, just felt guilty eating in front of you." He collected the things on the table and moved to the window to give the therapist and Helene room to work. "Do you want me to step out?" Jack asked Helene, willing to do what was needed to help Lisa.
Jack and Lisa both watched as the two women discussed the next steps for the afternoon. Finally, Helene gestured toward Lisa and spoke to the couple, "The therapist would like to help Lisa stand up. Jack, if you don't mind, she'd like you here to in order to support Lisa. It's never easy to get a person standing with injuries such as this, so she would first like to get Lisa turned and seated on the side of the bed and then, she'll work on getting her up."
"Okay," Jack nodded, raising an eyebrow in question to Lisa. "You okay with that?"
"Fine," she said, grimacing. "I'm really nervous about the pain."
"Your last pain meds were given an hour ago, so this is a good time for this. The pain won't be gone, but better," Helene explained. The therapist started gesturing, and pointed for Jack to stand on the side of the bed where Lisa would be turned. He waited while she and Helene worked on moving cords and shifting things around to turn Lisa. Once they had her facing Jack, she closed her eyes and grimaced in pain. Jack reached out to clasp her arm.
"Lise, just breathe. Focus on me, I mean, well," he frowned and grumbled, "that might make this worse."
"Stop," Lisa said, shaking her head. "You making jokes is making it worse," she said. "Gosh this hurts, just shifting around."
Helene jumped in, "Ahh, I've told her you're talking about your pain, and she said it may hurt less to stand. You're putting different pressure on your pelvis when you stand."
Lisa nodded in agreement, and she took a deep breath as the therapist and Helene shifted more of the monitors to prepare to stand up Lisa. Lisa looked toward Jack, and he gave her a nod and locked his eyes on her.
"Breathe. I know it hurts. Getting back on your feet is not going to be easy, but you'll get there one step at a time. Talk to me; don't think about the pain."
"I'm still really mad at you," she said as she looked at him. "You want me to focus on something. I'm going to focus on that."
"Fine, good, get it out, all while they work."
"I'm sick to my stomach," she told him.
Jack nodded, "It's made me sick to think of how I treated you."
"No, Jack, I mean, I really am nauseous and feeling-" she paused, and all of a sudden, before she could do anything differently to react, Lisa threw up everywhere, almost projectile style right at Jack. It took the physical therapist and Helene by total surprise, the therapist had been walking around the bed to come and steady Lisa to stand. It all happened so quickly, that in one second, Lisa was gripping Jack's arm in pain, and the next, she'd thrown up all of her liquids all over Jack.
The room was silent as everyone registered what had just happened, that split second before Helene and the therapist sprang into action to clean up things.
"Oh dear!" Helene exclaimed.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked Lisa immediately, Lisa breaking down and crying.
"I'm sorry. I didn't see that coming. I just got suddenly sick as I sat forward." Helene started to move around them to start cleaning up. Jack tugged at Lisa's arm he was still gripping.
"Lise, it's okay," he chuckled, and when she looked over at him, a completely mess, Jack shrugged. "To be honest, I deserve this and much more."