Hello everyone!

Lately I have been obsessed with the series Outlander, thus it's time for me to write a fanfiction about the show. I will use the characters of the show and some of the storylines, but I will also alter a lot.

I just hope you'll enjoy reading this and don't forget to leave a comment .

The story starts 5 years after the battle of Culloden when Claire is in Boston in 1951, still married to Frank but sadly without a child. Jamie survived the battle of Culloden, has been pardoned and went home to Lallybroch.

Disclaimer: Outlander is owned by Diana Gabaldon. I don't own anything.

Claire p.o.v. (1951)

I can't believe that it's been five years since the battle of Culloden, five years since I went back through the stones, five years since I've seen the love of my life. These five years have passed both quickly and at the same agonizingly slow. A lot has happened since I came back through the stones.

I told Frank everything that happened of course. First he didn't believe any of it but after some time he did. I still don't know what made him finally believe me, but I don't want to ask about it either. Two months after I came back he decided it would be best for us to move to Boston, to start over as a family. I agreed. A big part of me wanted to stay in Scotland but I couldn't bear being reminded of Jamie so often.

So, we did indeed move to Boston. We found an apartment and Frank got a job teaching at Harvard. I went to work in a local hospital. I worked as much as my pregnancy would allow me to. Anything to get my mind of the immense heartache I felt. The relationship between me and Frank never really went anywhere after my return. We barely saw each other and when we were at home together, we didn't speak much. We slept in the same bed, but never touched each other. It felt more as if I was living with a roommate. And to be honest, I was totally fine with it.

Then one day during one of my shifts at the hospital I lost the one thing that kept me sane. I was 21 weeks pregnant. I had just seen a patient of mine and I was on the way to the doctor to ask for a consultation when I felt this gut wrenching pain in my stomach and back. I remember screaming in pain and one of my coworkers coming to my aid, but after that everything is blank until the moment I woke up in a hospital bed, all alone, and without my baby girl inside me. The placenta had ruptured and she didn't make it.

I was in a dazed state the weeks following the miscarriage. Frank took care of me and helped me get back on my feet. I will be thankful for that forever. I went back to work and even decided I wanted to become a doctor. Once again, I put everything I had into my work and my education. It paid off. I am a doctor now. I wish I could say I was happy, or at least okay, but the truth is that I've not been okay at all since that day five years ago.

This morning, I woke up early after another night with only three to four hours of sleep. At 5:30 I sat down at the dining table with a cup of tea and that's exactly how I am still sitting when Frank comes downstairs at 7:30.

"Morning." He says while sitting down across from me at the table. He doesn't look up at me but starts reading the newspaper immediately.

Normally I don't mind the distance between us, but today it just feels like a kick to the gut.

"Good morning." I reply, but my voice cracks under all the emotions I'm feeling this morning and Frank looks up at me.

I try to keep my feelings to myself, but a single tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I look up at Frank with an apologetic smile. We stare at each other but don't say anything. Something inside me screams for some warmth, any attempt from him to make me feel better. But instead, he just nods at me and goes back to reading the paper. I am reminded of how lonely a person can feel, even when they're not alone in the room.

Jamie p.o.v. (1751)

As soon as I open my eyes I feel the weight of the day pressing on my chest. Images flood my mind of the day five years ago. Saying goodbye to my beautiful wife and unborn child at the stones of Craigh na Dun. Then going into the battle of Culloden expecting, and maybe even wanting, to die right then and there. But miraculously I survived. It was both a blessing and a curse.

I have been pardoned and was able to go back to Lallybroch, to Jenny and Ian, their little ones and of course Fergus. They were very happy and relieved to see me, and I was happy to see them, but it was also very hard not to have Claire there with me. They were all heartbroken when I told them she was gone. I spend weeks in my room doing nothing but sleeping and crying over the loss of the love of my life and our unborn child. Jenny took care of me and was very sympathetic, until one day she just screamed at me. She went on about me still having family that loved me and Fergus who needed me to be a father figure in his life. I knew she was right, and maybe this had been the thing that I needed. So, I got out of bed, and from that day on I tried to be there and make the best of it.

I've just been doing work around Lallybroch and out in the fields. Anything to keep my mind from wandering to places I couldn't bear to be in. Today it would not be different from other days. I'm planning on working in the field all day until I'm so tired that I can't stand on my feet anymore.

So, I get myself dressed and make my way downstairs. I hear the usual sounds of breakfast being served and the kids running around. Normally this would bring a smile to my face, but today I feel this awful tightening in my chest. I would give anything to see my Claire and our child sitting at the breakfast table here at Lallybroch.

As I step down the last step, I make eye contact with Jenny. She immediately gets up and walks over to me. I know she's trying to hide the fact that she's worried about me, but I can see it written all over her face.

"Jamie?" She barely whispers my name while she puts her hand on my arm. "Come eat breakfast with us."

She tries to give me a nudge towards the table, but my feet won't move.

"Sorry Jenny, not today... I can't." I can barely get the words out of my mouth as I feel the tears coming to my eyes.

And without saying anything else or taking another look at Jenny I make my way out of the house towards the stables. I'm getting ready to take a look at the horses hooves when I hear someone approaching me. Before I can turn around a voice I haven't heard in five years echoes through the stables.

"Still not able to sit still I see."