Vampire Skunk: First Blood

It was a bloody good night, or at least, that's what we would probably say if I weren't writing this story. It was a mundane, run of the mill night at your local cemetery. Relatively unknown anthro skunk, Aningar Skunkillius III, was ingesting some cold sandwiches prepared by the lovely mother skunk who shall remain nameless, because AssortedPopcorn did not think to give her one.

"Oh Ani, you poor dear." She said. "You're positively BLUE in the face and you hardly touched your ice cold sandwiches. We may as well call you Blue Thing!"

"Blech, p-please don't call me that, mother!" Aningar blushed. Can skunks do that? Whatever, I distinctly remember that happening in the source material anyway.

"Then what IS bothering you, dear?" She asked. "It's a skunk's instinct to know when something is upsetting her baby boy, gosh darn it!"

Author's Notes: Okay, so I originally planned to make this a serious fanfic, but then I realized what I named this story and thought it would be cool if we made it like Rambo instead! The problem being that I haven't watched First Blood in decades, so please keep in mind that there might be the occasional inaccuracy here and there…

And then, the roof of the Skunkillius mansion caved in by a nearby explosion caused by cyber demon bats! "Nyeheh, you won't escape this conflict without blood on your hands!"

"Holy crap!" Aningar exclaimed. "Y-You just killed my mom! W-What the hell?! W-who are yo- WHAT are you?"

But they indignantly replied with a super sonic sonar blast released from their mouths. "Nice try, asshat! Now hand over Count Dracula's blood rubies! We have intel from Katherine that you're hoarding them, Vampire Skunk!"

This is awkward, because the bats don't know that I'm writing this as a prequel story. Whoops, should have informed them before I had written it this way!

"Umm, u-uh no. I'm just a Skunk, not a vampire." Aningar sheepishly stated shyly. "I thought about wearing all black and going for a gothic aesthetic, but I haven't committed yet!"

"Oh…r-really? Shit, I'm sorry man, this isn't 221 Transylvania Lane?"

"N-No!...This is, um, 221 PENNSYLVANIA lane!" He corrected them as well as the readers.

"Oh geez, this is embarrassing. Look, we'll just look the other way and you pretend we weren't here, 'kay?" They pleaded earnestly. "We'd be the laughing stock of the demon world if word got back to our contractor!"

"I-I mean, that's all good and all but umm, there's the matter that you murdered my momma!" Aningar rightfully contested.

"Oh yeah, that…righhttttt." The leader bat stroked his chin in provoking thought, y'know, if he had an arm and hand to do that. "Well, all you have to do is become a vampire and track down the blood rubies if you want any chance to resurrect her! But you only have til the end of tonight's bloody good moon, so keep that in mind, author!" And then, without any other plot significance, they flew off just as they had come into the murky night sky.

To be continued…