A/N: For maximum effect, play "Ever-present Feeling" from Fate/stay night starting at "She started talking first" and ending at the end of the story.
Adora sighed in relief as she put down the last bundle of timber, her body glowing as she dropped out of her She-Ra form. It had been about a week since the defeat of Horde Prime and, while the Best Friends Squad had been excited about the prospect of one last road trip to restore magic to the universe, it had been agreed upon that rebuilding should take priority. It was long, laborious, exhausting work but it was nice to be constantly restoring things for a change. That and, with every completed project, they were getting closer and closer to returning a sense of normality to Etheria.
Of course, the sense of normality that they were trying to restore was still completely different from the normal of before. Not only would people no longer have to live in constant fear of the Horde, the situation on Etheria was very different from how it had been what felt like a lifetime ago. With the destruction of the Heart of Etheria, magic was now more abundant than ever before and all kinds of fantastical creatures were starting to reappear. Not to mention that the unity between the various kingdoms was also far greater which meant a greater level of interaction between the various peoples.
On a more personal level, Adora's new normal was something she still had trouble wrapping her head around. Glimmer and Bow's relationship upgrade was a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one and it honestly didn't affect their dynamic all that much. The return of Micah was something none of them had even considered but, despite his awkwardness, he was still very much a kind man and was a great help to Glimmer in regards to running the kingdom. Between him and Castaspella, Glimmer was having a much easier time being Queen and it showed in the lightness of her movements that Adora hadn't seen since before Angella died.
Then there was Hordak. Adora tried very hard not to think of Hordak but that was rude and he had changed a lot so she was trying to be better about it. It helped that his presence in her life in the Fright Zone had basically just been a name to be feared and respected than anything actually concrete. Entrapta also seemed to like him a lot and he had even saved her life aboard Prime's ship so that alone meant a lot. And that wasn't even taking into account how the two of them had been working overtime to bring the beneficial technologies of the Horde to the rest of Etheria.
But thinking about Hordak was ignoring the real thing that Adora was having the most trouble wrapping her head around: Catra. Having Catra back in her life in a positive way was something that Adora had frequently dreamed about ever since that fateful day when she found the Sword of Protection but, with each passing day and each new atrocity that Catra was either directly or indirectly responsible for, that dream had seemed more and more impossible. It had bothered her more than she cared to admit and every fight they had tore at her heart more than Catra's claws could ever tear at her body.
Still, despite everything, despite Catra very nearly erasing Etheria from space and time, Adora had still loved her. She had loved her for a very long time and that love never once went away or even faltered. It had still stubbornly clung on and insisted that things could change, that Catra would come back to her. It had refused to believe that all of those precious moments that they had shared back in the Fright Zone were for nothing and that there would be more of those moments in the future.
And it had been right . Though the journey had been long and arduous and more than a little terrifying, Catra had returned to her and they were together again. More than that, Catra loved her and wanted her just as much as Adora loved and wanted her. That revelation had been more world-changing for Adora than finding out that she was She-Ra. There had always been those word games that they had played when they were younger, the way Adora had always been so careful to dance around those burgeoning feelings that she had dared not name and the way Catra seemed to dance alongside her, but the idea that the dance meant the same thing for Catra as it did for her was something she had only dreamt about.
That revelation had led to the thing that Adora couldn't fully understand. Actually being able to hold Catra and kiss her whenever she wanted without any fear was hard enough to come to terms with on its own but there was a question nagging at the back of her mind that just wouldn't leave her alone. If Catra had always loved Adora like she said she did— and Adora refused to believe that Catra was lying about that— then why did everything have to happen the way it did?
It had all started with an innocuous comment Bow had made the day after the final battle. When he saw the two of them kissing, after taking a moment to gush about how adorable they were, he had said it was a shame they hadn't gotten together sooner. He hadn't meant anything harmful by it— just stating a wish to see one of his best friends be so happy earlier— but that statement had wormed its way into Adora's mind and just wouldn't leave her alone. While she had a million and one reasons as to why they never got together back in the Fright Zone (Shadow Weaver comprising roughly half of that list), she couldn't think of a single reason why Catra hadn't joined the Rebellion with her when she had asked or why she kept doing such horrible things.
And that very problem was why Adora was now back in their room— the room that had once only been hers but that she now shared with Catra— in Bright Moon, absently looking out the window to the city below. As much as she hated the idea of ruining what they had now, Adora knew that they were once again back to that old dance but for a different reason and her legs were getting tired. If they wanted to fully heal and move on, they had to have this conversation. They had to prove to each other that they could talk about anything, no matter how painful, and that they'd still love each other afterward.
The sound of the door opening broke Adora out of her thoughts. While she couldn't see any reflection beyond her own in the window, there were only three people in all of Bright Moon who would enter their room without knocking and only two of whom would actually use the door. The fact that she couldn't hear any footsteps confirmed who it was before they even spoke.
"Hey, Adora," Catra said in that sensual/playful way that never failed to send a shiver down Adora's spine. As much as Adora loved the way Catra could make her feel with just a simple greeting, now wasn't the time to get lost in that feeling.
"Hey, Catra. Done for the day?" Adora asked, looking over her shoulder at her girlfriend (Adora still couldn't get over the fact that she could call her that). Catra groaned as she did a full body stretch in a way that wonderfully accented her figure and caused Adora's heart to do all kinds of funny things before answering.
"Yeah, finally. I thought we'd never finish. Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long," Catra said as she went about fishing through one of the dresser's drawers for more comfortable clothes while Melog plodded off to the pile of pillows they had in the corner.
"Not really," Adora said somewhat distantly as she shifted her focus back to the view outside. Despite her earlier resolve, she was struggling to get the words that needed to be said out. Despite her heart reassuring her otherwise, her mind couldn't help but think about her old insecurities and how she should just let things be. She was known— and with good reason— for rushing headlong into things almost blindly but there were some things even she wouldn't rush into.
While Adora had tried to maintain a casual tone, Catra could always read her like an open book and that fact hadn't changed. At the tone of her voice, Catra stopped digging through her clothes and turned to stare at Adora, her brows scrunched up in worry. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked as she walked over to her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Adora took strength and comfort from Catra's touch while she still could and took a deep breath before turning to face her. "Right now, yeah, but probably not in a bit." The confusion on Catra's face was clear but Adora continued on before she could say anything. "We need to talk."
Catra's expression ran through a few different emotions before settling on what she meant to be a supportive smile. However, just like Catra could easily read Adora, Adora could easily read Catra and the fear that tinged her smile made Adora's heart ache. "Sure thing. What about?"
"About… About before," Adora began vaguely, no longer able to look directly at Catra's mismatched eyes. "Back when I first found the sword. Back when I joined the Rebellion." Adora risked a glance at Catra's face to find her smirking but there was a look in her eyes that made Adora gulp.
"What's there to talk about? That was then, this is now. I'm here, you're here, we're together," Catra took Adora's chin in her hand to force her to look at her as her voice dropped into a sensual purr, "and that's all that matters." Catra followed up that statement with a deep kiss, one that practically begged Adora to just melt into it. On any other day, at any other time, she would have been more than glad to do so, to just lose herself in the love and feeling of her girlfriend pressed against her, of her taste as her tongue ran across her lips to seek entry, but not now. Not today.
Summoning up all of her willpower, Adora placed a hand on Catra's shoulder and very gently pushed away. She pushed past the lingering warmth against her lips and in her core and how they muddled her thoughts while also trying her best to ignore the flash of hurt that passed across Catra's face.
"It is… and it isn't," Adora said, her voice shaky. She looked off to the side and chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to force her muddled thoughts into something resembling coherence. "I love you, Catra. And I want you. All of you. Not just your love and your happiness but your pain, too. I want to know everything about you. And I want you to know everything about me, too. I don't want there to be any secrets between us, anything that we hide just to spare the other's feelings. And this is where we need to start."
Catra froze for a moment, her expression indecipherable even to Adora, before abruptly spinning around and walking toward the bed. Her arms were crossed, her ears were flush against her hair, and her tail was wrapped around one of her legs. Adora could practically see Catra closing herself off inside, putting up the walls that had always existed between them and had slowly been crumbling ever since they had saved her from Horde Prime's ship. For a moment, Adora was paralyzed by the fear of losing her again and she could feel the words to try and take it all back clawing up her throat but she pushed them down. This was important. Catra was important. And it was going to take a lot more than one hard conversation to split them apart again.
After an agonizingly long minute of silence, Adora made up her mind. This wasn't the first time Catra didn't want to talk about something that needed to be talked about. This wasn't the first time Adora had to deal with Catra's insecurities. It probably wasn't going to be the last, either. So, Adora did what had worked before.
She started talking first.
"Everything was… kinda overwhelming back then. I had seen that sword when we went on that joyride and felt called to it so I decided to go check it out. That's when I first met Glimmer and Bow. We were attacked by a giant monster and I let my instincts just guide me and that's how I learned that I was She-Ra. After that, Glimmer, Bow, and I ended up exploring some First Ones ruins and that's when I started to learn what the Horde really was. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that everything I had known all my life was a lie. But then I saw Thaymor. I saw them destroying this peaceful little village and I just— It wasn't right. So, I fought them.
"When I saw you there, I was honestly relieved. I already loved you and I knew that, if nothing else, that was still real. That our relationship hadn't been a lie. But you refused to come with me. You fought me. And I—" Adora gripped her left arm at the elbow as she felt herself start to tear up and her voice started wavering as the pain of her memories washed over her but she pressed on regardless. "It hurt. The fact that you were fighting me hurt so much more than your claws. I wanted so desperately to believe that it was just a bad dream or that maybe you were just confused and would come around but— but you didn't. It was real. And you were gone. And everything I had ever known was a lie and all I had left were these people who I barely knew and this sword that I didn't understand and I—"
The tears started to flow freely as Adora fought back a sob. She wasn't even aware of Catra turning around, her own wide eyes burning with tears, until she had crossed the distance that separated the two and wrapped her arms around her in a comforting embrace. Adora tensed up for a heartbeat before returning the hug, clinging to Catra like she was a lifeline and burying her face in the soft fur of her neck. She let the tears flow freely as her girlfriend gently stroked her back and tried to sink into the soothing feeling of the deep purr that emanated from Catra's chest.
Adora didn't know how long they stayed that way but, eventually, she managed to bring herself under control after a shuddering breath. When she spoke again, her voice was a bit raspy from the sobs that had torn through her throat so she kept her voice to a soft whisper; words so quiet that only Catra would be able to hear them even if someone else were right next to them.
"Everything after that was almost like a nightmare. I eventually came to love Glimmer and Bow as my best friends but my love for them or my other friends could never replace my love for you. Every time we met after that, I kept hoping that you'd finally join me. Kept hoping that we could be together again. But it never happened. You kept fighting us and trying to hurt us, trying to hurt me, and I just couldn't understand why. And every time, I felt a small part of myself dying but there was nothing I could do. No one I could talk to. Glimmer and Bow could never understand what I was going through and I didn't want them to worry that I'd betray the Rebellion or just stop fighting and run off somewhere so that way I wouldn't have to fight you anymore.
"Eventually, I forced myself to stop seeing you as the woman I loved. I forced myself to see you only as another enemy I had to beat if I wanted to save Etheria. I took the feelings I had for you and I shoved them into the deepest part of my heart that I could and did my best to not think about them. But I never stopped loving you. I could never stop loving you. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how much I wanted to just give up on everything so I could be with you again, I knew I couldn't. I had to do the right thing. I had to stop the Horde. I couldn't let the people of Etheria suffer just so I could be selfish. Everyone was counting on me to be She-Ra, to be the one who fixed everything. The only thing I couldn't be was the one thing I wanted to be more than anything else."
Adora could feel her shoulder getting wet from where Catra was crying against it, could feel her girlfriend's body tremble with barely restrained sobs. But, despite all that, Catra was still purring. She was still rubbing gentle circles on Adora's back. She was still trying to give her as much comfort as she possibly could. Adora didn't know if she could possibly love Catra more than she did in that moment but she certainly knew that she would try.
Taking another bracing breath, Adora pulled back just enough so that she could stare into Catra's mismatched eyes. The amount of pain that she saw in them threatened to break her again but, beneath all that pain, the love that was in them gave her the strength to press on.
"Then you were on Horde Prime's ship and you sacrificed yourself to save Glimmer. When you did that and shouted that you were sorry… That part of me that still loved you was so happy. I knew then that the one thing I had always wanted could finally be a reality. All I had to do was save you from Horde Prime and we could be together again. Despite how hard it was, it was almost like a dream. That time we spent on Darla going back to Etheria had honestly been one of the best times in my life up to that point. It just felt so right and natural to have you back and to have everyone together, especially after we got that chip off you.
"And then you left again. I had thought that the pain of losing you the first time was the worst but the second… the second was so much worse. I wanted you like I wanted nothing else and I knew you were upset because I was willing to risk my life to save the world. But I was doing it for you. For you and everyone else. If nothing else, I wanted to make sure the world kept going so that way you could keep living in it. So that way you could have a chance at finding happiness. You've suffered through so much, a lot more than anyone should, and the only thing I wanted more than you was for you to be happy. You might have grumbled and complained but I knew a part of you enjoyed being around Bow and Glimmer. Even if I didn't make it, I knew that you would be able to find some happiness with them or Scorpia or Entrapta. That's why I was willing to do it despite the risk."
Catra's heart was breaking. She'd had a feeling that what Bow had said that day was bugging Adora and, honestly, it had been bugging her, too. But she knew better than to think about it. She knew that talking about it would only hurt and would rather spend her days in relative bliss with Adora. They had both gone through enough pain and misery and, while Catra knew she didn't deserve any happiness, she knew that Adora did. Despite everything, her being with Adora made Adora happy so, even though she didn't deserve the happiness that Adora brought her, she was willing to put up with it for Adora's sake.
But of course Adora couldn't just let it go. She had spent too much time around her other friends and knew that running away from painful things only made them more painful later. Perfuma had been trying to teach Catra much the same thing during their sessions. Trying to teach her that opening up to others wasn't a weakness despite Shadow Weaver having almost literally beaten that thought into them for years.
But Catra was afraid. More than afraid, she was terrified. She was terrified of what truly opening up to others would mean, what it would do to her. You couldn't bare your soul to someone without it being touched and your soul can't remain the same once someone has touched it. More than even any change it might bring about in herself, Catra was terrified that other people wouldn't like what they saw. That anyone who saw her soul would be disgusted by it and push her away. Just the thought of losing Adora for good was more than she could bear.
Adora had been right, though. Catra wanted Adora. She wanted her like she wanted air. She wanted to be as close to her as any two people could be and she never wanted to let go. In order to get that close, however, she would have to bare her soul to her. Adora loved her. She said that she had always loved her and would always love her. She had to trust that Adora's feelings wouldn't change just because she saw Catra's weakness. Despite her fear, Catra wanted Adora to see all of her. And so, she would bare her soul to her for her sake.
"You were wrong, Adora. You are my world and I could never be truly happy without you," Catra finally said as she brought one hand up to rest it on Adora's cheek. Adora leaned into the touch and smiled faintly, bringing a similar smile to Catra's own face. "You're more important to me than anything else in the world. Always have been, always will be."
Catra let the silence hang for a moment before she leaned in and softly kissed Adora's lips. The fact that she could just do that now whenever she wanted brought a boundless sense of euphoria to her and it was a sensation she didn't think she'd ever get used to. She didn't want to get used to it even if she could, didn't want to take that privilege or Adora's presence for granted ever again.
Catra broke off the kiss and pulled back just enough so she could rest her forehead against Adora's. She stared into Adora's blue eyes for a moment and let herself get lost in the love and compassion that was in them as she gathered both her thoughts and her courage.
"I honestly didn't know what to think at first when I saw you in Thaymor. I was confused about why you had suddenly switched sides but then I was hurt. I was always afraid that you would finally believe Shadow Weaver and realize that you didn't need me. That I was just a distraction and holding you back." Catra could see Adora's denial coming even before she started opening her mouth so she cut her off by moving the hand that was still resting against her cheek to place a finger against her lips.
Catra gave Adora her best attempt at a playful smile before saying, "You gotta admit, I am a distraction for you," she moved her finger away and gave Adora another gentle kiss, "but hopefully the good kind."
Adora giggled slightly before saying, "You are," her eyes shining with boundless love and affection.
"But I was hurt. You had chosen something else over being with me. I thought that everything that we had, all of those promises that we made to always be together no matter what, had been a lie. It honestly didn't even register that you asked me to come with you. I just felt so hurt and betrayed that I… I wanted you to feel the same pain that I was feeling. So, I took the love that I always had for you and I locked it up in a box and dedicated myself to defeating the Rebellion.
"Everything after that was pretty straightforward. I still wanted you and still wanted to be with you but I thought that you didn't want me. At least, not the way that I wanted you. I had always felt like I was living in your shadow, that I was always just second best, and I wanted to prove to everyone that I was your equal. That I could do things that you couldn't do.
"It… it hurt to fight you. It always hurt me whenever I attacked you out of anger but I just… I just couldn't stop doing it. I guess… I guess I just wanted you to finally get sick of me and give up on me. To see that I wasn't worth it. To finally hate me as much as I hated myself." Adora's eyes went wide at that revelation as her tears started to flow freely again. She opened her mouth to say something but Catra silenced her with another kiss. "Let me finish."
Catra waited a few moments, taking comfort in the way Adora was now rubbing her back much the way Catra had rubbed hers and the way her fingers scritched at her favorite spot just behind one of her ears. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, Catra continued.
"I always hated myself. I still hate myself. I hate all of the pain I've caused everyone. I hate how much I hurt Entrapta and Scorpia and Glimmer. I hate how much I've hurt you. Every day when I wake up and you're still there holding me, I can't help but ask myself why you're still there. How you can still be so nice to me, how you can still love me, despite all of the horrible things that I've done. I don't deserve the love and happiness that you give me every day. I don't deserve the joy that I feel when I realize that you're my girlfriend and that I can hold you and kiss you whenever I want. You think that I do deserve all those things so I put up with it and try to become someone who actually does.
"When I was on Horde Prime's ship and was seeing how he was trying to kill you, I started to accept just how terrible I had been and how close I was coming to losing you for good. Then I was all alone with just Horde Prime's clones and Glimmer and I started thinking, started remembering. Double Trouble had pointed out just how terrible of a person I actually was and I remembered that time all those years ago when I attacked you and Lonnie because I thought you liked Lonnie more than me. Then I started talking to Glimmer despite Prime telling me not to and I realized… I realized that I wanted to do at least one good thing in my life. That I wanted to do at least one good thing for you even though I thought it was going to be the last thing I ever did.
"I am so, so sorry, Adora," Catra said as her own tears started to stain the thin fur on her face. "I know it's not enough but I am so, so sorry for all of the terrible things I did to you and your friends. I know I can never do enough to make up for it but I want to try. I want to try and be someone that you can be proud of."
Sensing that Catra had said her piece, Adora spoke. "I am proud of you, Catra. I am so proud of the way you're trying to better yourself, of the way you're working hard to help with the reconstruction. And to hear that you hate yourself breaks my heart but I'll just love you enough for the both of us until you can love yourself and then I'll love you even more."
"Adora…" Catra whispered, her mismatched eyes full of love and amazement. Unable to cope with all of the feelings raging inside of her and unable to put words to them, Catra did the only thing she could think to do and kissed her girlfriend. It started out as a gentle kiss but quickly grew to become passionate and needy and left them both blushing and slightly panting when they finally separated for air.
Catra took a moment to catch her breath and look off to the side as she chewed on her bottom lip. There was something that she really wanted right now but she was almost afraid to ask for it. Looking back into Adora's eyes, the love and compassion she saw there made the words come out almost of their own will.
"Adora, make love to me."
Adora beamed at Catra even as her face flushed more. "Anything you want."
Leading Catra back to their bed by the hand, the two sat down before Adora took her free hand and cupped Catra's face. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Catra's lips while letting her hand slide down to rest on Catra's hip. Continuing the kiss, she pushed at the bottom of Catra's compression shirt just enough to get her fingers under the material, reveling in the feel of Catra's soft fur under her fingers, before gently and slowly moving her hand up her back.
Catra broke off the kiss and gave Adora a look that made her stomach tie itself up in knots. "Help me take this off," she said in a breathy tone. Almost reverently, Adora separated her other hand from Catra's and brought it up to the base of her shirt before slowly peeling the material upward. Catra raised her arms to help Adora out and the garment was soon over her head and on the floor.
Adora's breath hitched as she took in Catra's form. While she still had her sports bra on and Adora had seen Catra naked before, the different situation made the experience like nothing else. She noted Catra's pleased smile and blush for just an instant before recapturing her girlfriend's lips with her own. Catra softly moaned into the kiss, evidently affected by the situation as well, as Adora's hands continued to explore the newly exposed parts of Catra's body. A deep purr, deeper than any Adora had heard from her before, resonated from her chest before traveling through where they were connected, spreading through Adora's body and stilling her nerves the way her purring always did while simultaneously sparking something deep within her.
Catra had only ever purred for Adora and, although it was selfish, a part of her wished that would never change.
Adora gently ran her fingernails across Catra's skin, delighting in the way her girlfriend shivered from the sensation, while Catra brought her own hands up to press into Adora's back and in her hair, deepening the kiss. Adora let her hands continue to explore the newly exposed parts of Catra's body, refamiliarizing herself with her old scars and learning the new ones while lingering on places where she seemed particularly sensitive. Eventually, her fingers came to a rest on the clasp of Catra's bra and Adora broke off the kiss long enough to check in on Catra and get her permission.
Catra's face was completely flushed, visible even through her fur, and her eyes were unfocused and cloudy while her breath came out in short pants. While it was hard for Adora to read anything off of Catra through her clouded eyes and her own boiling brain, she swore she saw just the slightest hint of fear in her girlfriend's eyes. She started to pull back when Catra's words, breathy and filled with need, made her stop.
"Adora… More…."
Not needing any more encouragement, Adora reached back around and deftly undid Catra's bra clasp, the garment sliding off and quickly joining the shirt on the floor.
Once again, Adora's breath caught in her chest. While this was far from her first time seeing Catra's breasts, seeing them and seeing her in this context, with the gentle light of the setting sun bathing her in an ethereal glow with her hardened nipples poking through her short fur, was enough to nearly fry Adora's brain completely.
Adora's hand instinctively reached out to touch her but she managed to regain herself at the last moment, tearing her eyes away from her girlfriend's chest to look her in the eyes and seek her permission. Catra visibly steeled herself and sharply nodded before Adora closed what little distance remained.
The feeling was almost beyond words. Soft yet firm, yielding yet strong, and unbelievably warm. The sensation was enough to send a jolt of electricity down Adora's spine while Catra bit her bottom lip to stifle a low moan.
Leaning forward to recapture her girlfriend's lips, Adora let her hands continue their exploration. The effort to maintain any semblance of control, to not give in to her own growing desires, was herculean but Catra needed her to maintain control and, for Catra, Adora could do anything.
Adora knew not how long this carried on, one of her hands slowly exploring Catra's body while the other gently cupped and massaged her breasts, but she didn't care, either. Eventually, however, Catra placed a hand on Adora's shoulder and gently pushed her back. Adora was about to ask what was wrong when Catra started tugging on her shirt and said "I want you…" in a meek, almost begging tone that Adora had never heard from her before.
In a flash, Adora had her shirt off, her pull-over bra coming with it. As quick as the action had been, having Catra actually help undress her sent a shiver of excitement down her spine and the look of wonder and amazement on Catra's face as she drank in Adora's form was nearly enough to stop her heart. Catra eventually managed to look back up into her eyes and seek permission, one hand slowly rising.
Adora nodded and the sensation that followed was enough to completely overload her brain.
Though she would probably never admit it, Adora had touched herself before and had, on more than one occasion, imagined Catra touching her. She had pondered what it would feel like to have the soft fur of Catra's palms and the rough pads of her fingers running over the soft mounds of her breasts. As much as she had imagined it, however, the reality so far exceeded her expectations that her previous fantasies seemed stupid in comparison. As it was, she couldn't stop the throaty moan that ripped from her chest even if she had wanted to.
Excited by her girlfriend's reaction, Catra quickly resumed kissing her but only for a short while. Ignoring Adora's needy whine when she broke off, Catra proceeded to trail kisses down Adora's neck, pausing once near an area just above where her jacket collar usually came to leave a hickey, and continued down to her chest. Catra could feel Adora's heart beating a mile a minute as she approached her destination and she paused devilishly close to one of Adora's nipples, her breath tickling the sensitive nub as she looked upward to get permission.
Adora's entire face was blood red and it was rapidly spreading down her neck. Her breaths were coming out in sharp pants and her eyes looked totally lost but, after a moment, she managed to regain enough of herself to offer a sharp nod. With Adora's consent, Catra dove in and any sense of reason that Adora may have had left was utterly blown away.
Catra took her time lavishing her girlfriend's body with all of the love and praise that she deserved. She traced gentle kisses around her areola before taking her nipple into her mouth. She'd gently suck and nibble on it, ever so careful to not hurt her with her fangs, before switching every so often while her hands explored every available inch of her girlfriend's body, occasionally ever so slightly unsheathing her claws to run gentle traceries on particularly sensitive areas.
Catra's entire being was now flooded with Adora. There was simply no room anywhere in her for anything else. It was as if she was floating high above the clouds, carried there by Adora's sweet moans and her hands running through her hair. The feeling of giving the one she loved most so much pleasure was the greatest feeling of her life and they were far from finished. The idea that she would experience even greater pleasure than this was almost scary but she wanted, no, needed to see this through to the end. To let Adora have everything she was.
Finally unable to control her own desire, Catra broke off from her ministrations, ignoring Adora's needy whine. As Adora tried to regain herself, Catra quickly, if somewhat clumsily, removed her pants, taking her now soaked panties off at the same time. She then crawled further onto the bed before flopping down onto her back. She gave the stunned Adora a look full of incredible amounts of need and desire and love before slowly spreading her legs open while moaning her girlfriend's name.
If Adora's brain had been overloaded before, it was now completely fried. Catra, her girlfriend, the one she loved most in all the world, the only one who made her feel as though she was good enough as she was, was completely exposed before her and begging for her attention. Although she logically knew that they would get to this stage when Catra made her request, the reality of the situation was enough to make her heart stop and make her forget how to breathe. It was a sight beyond words and she did her best to engrave it into her heart.
"Adoraaaa…" Catra moaned again, a little more needy and a little more embarrassed than before. That was enough to restart Adora's brain and she quickly followed her girlfriend's lead in stripping bare before crawling on top of her. She gave her a long, passionate kiss, letting their tongues wrestle and explore each other's mouths for a brief eternity, before breaking off and looking into her eyes.
"What do you want me to do?" Adora whispered softly. Catra bit her lower lip as she looked to the side and thought for a moment. Seemingly unable to get the words past her lips, she gave her girlfriend a quick kiss on the lips before giving her a pointed look. Adora was confused for a brief moment before coming to an understanding. "Alright," she said with a loving smile tinged with amusement before recapturing Catra's lips with her own.
The kiss lasted briefly this time before Adora broke it off and started leaving a trail of kisses down Catra's neck and collarbone while her hands resumed their earlier exploration. She paused for a moment to worship her girlfriend's perky breasts, returning the earlier favor and uncaring of the short bits of fur that got in her mouth, before trailing more kisses down Catra's toned stomach, savoring her sweet moans as they filled the air.
When Adora's kisses got to Catra's waist, her hands gently slid down her back before brushing against her tail. Applying just the slightest bit of pressure, Adora started to massage the base of Catra's tail only for her back to suddenly arch as her breath hitched. Worried, Adora immediately stopped and moved her hand away, looking up to Catra's face with clear concern. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Catra's face was positively glowing red even through her fur, her heterochromatic eyes cloudy and unfocused. After a moment or two, Catra managed to return to herself enough to give a shaky nod. "Y-yeah, I-I'm okay. I just… didn't expect that to feel so good," she said weakly, giving Adora a shy smile.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"N-no. Keep going. I-it's a little scary but… it's you. It's okay."
Adora gave Catra a loving, reassuring smile before saying, "You can let go. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." Catra returned the smile before laying her head back against the pillows and forcing her body to relax before giving a quick nod.
As Adora continued to trail kisses down Catra's body, one hand traveled past her hip and down her thigh while the other massaged slow circles against the base of her tail. Catra's claws dug into the blanket as she writhed in pleasure unimaginable. Her purring was now so loud that it was likely audible from the other side of the room and it thrilled Adora's heart. Adora paused on her next kiss just above Catra's pelvis, smiling into it and letting the vibration spread through her before continuing on.
Adora scooted down in the bed a bit to get more comfortable as her mouth moved past the next area to instead travel further down to kiss the inside of her thigh. Being so close to Catra's warmth and with the scent of her arousal so heavy in her nose, Adora felt herself start to fade away into love and desire and bliss and Catra's throaty moans and Catra needily calling her name and Catra Catra Catra.
Losing herself like this would be scary if she didn't feel safer in Catra's love than she ever had before.
"Adoraaa… Stop teasing me…" Catra somehow managed to say when Adora switched from kissing one thigh to the other. Adora suddenly found herself desiring to make Catra into such a mess that she wouldn't be able to speak for a little while.
Doing as she had been asked, Adora shifted a bit more to finally look at the place she had actively been avoiding looking at for the sake of her own sanity. Seeing Catra parted slightly, how her arousal dampened her fur and dripped onto the blanket, how her swollen clit poked out took Adora's breath away. It was easily the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. The fact that she was this way because of her— just for her— filled her heart so much that it felt like she was going to burst.
Adora's body moved on autopilot— her brain having completely stopped working— as she slowly, reverently, closed the distance. The taste of Catra's arousal on her tongue ripped a moan from somewhere deep within her, one that triggered something between a yelp and a moan from Catra. Even if Adora knew all of the words of every language that ever existed, she wouldn't be able to find ones that adequately described Catra's taste. All she could say was that it was Catra and that it made her heart do flip flops in her chest, made her stomach tie itself up in knots, made her entire body tingle and her core burn with desire.
Adora continued her loving ministrations, kissing and licking and sucking and inserting, as she felt Catra simultaneously slowly tensing up and unraveling. She lost herself in the sounds and the sensations and the smell and the taste. She opened her soul to Catra just as Catra was opening her soul to her and could somehow feel the tinge of fear running through her. The fear of losing control, the fear of losing herself, the fear of being happy.
Adora wanted to banish that fear from her dearly beloved forever but she knew that would take time— time that they now had and would continue to have— but banishing them just for a little while would be enough for now.
Pulling back slightly until her breath was all that remained touching Catra's sacred place, Adora put all of her love and care and compassion into her voice— an action that was becoming easier and easier each time she did it— and whispered so softly that not even Catra could truly hear it but could feel it somewhere deep within her soul, "It's okay. Let go. I'm here. I've got you. I'll keep you safe. I'll never let go."
With that, Adora placed one last kiss and Catra unraveled. Her body tensed and shook, her thighs clamped around Adora's head, her voice came out in something between a cry and a sob that was happy and relieved and completely overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions.
All because of Adora. All for Adora. Only for Adora.
Adora stayed in place of her own volition— not that she could have moved even if she wanted to— and continued her prior ministrations but slower this time as she gently guided Catra through her release. Eventually, Catra stopped spasming and released the grip she had on Adora's head. Adora placed one last kiss before wiping her mouth off on her arm and crawling back up the bed.
Adora took a moment to stare at Catra's face, a soft smile on her lips. Her mismatched eyes were half lidded and glossed over, lips were parted as her breath came out in sharp pants, and her face was positively aglow with both her blush and a mixture of joy and relief. There were also tears in the corners of her eyes and running down her temples so Adora slowly leaned in to kiss her tears away before kissing her once more on the lips, slow and tender and oh so loving.
Adora snuggled herself into Catra's side, her head resting on her shoulder and one arm draped across her stomach. She closed her eyes and listened as her love's breath slowly evened out and felt somewhere deep in her soul as she slowly came back to herself. While a small part of her ached for her own release, the vast majority of her was more than content with just ending things here and falling asleep. She had given her love exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and that had filled her with a joy that she had never felt before.
Catra had died and was in heaven. That was the only reasonable explanation for what she was feeling right now. She had felt so safe and wanted and loved that it had brought her to tears. This joy wasn't something that she should be feeling, wasn't something that she deserved after the countless sins she had committed, but this woman who was too wonderful for words, who had chosen her despite all reason, who kept choosing her each and every day deigned to give it to her anyway.
Catra didn't have the words to quantify how much love that was in her heart for Adora and she doubted that she ever would. Even if she did, that word would become inadequate the next second, the next heartbeat, the next instant. To say that she loved her more than life itself would be doing her a disservice. It was a scary thing, to love someone this much; to know for an absolute fact that you will only love them even more; to want to keep loving them more and more and on and on for all of eternity. It was scary and exciting and wonderful.
It had taken far too long but Catra had finally reached the place that she had known existed for as long as she could remember but hadn't been able to so much as try to reach until recently. Catra had finally reached her home. And she was never going to leave it again.
There was a part of Catra that was tempted to settle into this peace and overflowing love and drift off into blissful sleep but she knew that she couldn't, not yet. While Adora— kind, compassionate, loving, selfless Adora who wouldn't let herself ask for things— would be fine with that, Catra wasn't. Adora deserved to experience what she had. Deserved to drown in Catra's love and safety and comfort.
And Catra deserved to feel what Adora had felt, too.
It took Catra a moment to find her voice again. When she did, it came out as the gentlest whisper. "Hey, Adora."
"Hm?" Adora hummed as she snuggled a bit more into Catra's side.
"Your turn."
Adora stilled for a moment before saying, "It's fine. We can just go to sleep."
Catra sighed softly, the sound somewhere between fond and exasperated. "Do you want to go to sleep?"
"I… It's fine."
Catra used her free hand to gently raise Adora's chin until they were looking into each other's eyes. "Do you want me to make love to you?"
"I… I…" Catra could see the war raging behind Adora's eyes, could feel it in her soul. She already knew the answer to that question but Adora had to say it for so many different reasons. She had to say it for herself, she had to say it for Catra, she had to say it for the love they shared.
Catra rubbed Adora's back with one hand while the other cupped her cheek and gently stroked it with her thumb. She kept her kind, loving, patient smile as she waited for however long she needed to. Eventually, Adora's answer came, the words hesitant and afraid. "I do."
Catra's smile widened and her cheeks were starting to hurt from how much she was smiling but she wouldn't trade that feeling for the world. She shifted to free her left arm from where it had been around Adora before patting the pillow next to her. "Then get up here, silly."
Adora nodded and slowly crawled her way up until she was face to face with Catra. Catra cupped her cheek again and leaned in to kiss her as slow and gentle and loving as the last one had been. When she pulled back, she kept stroking Adora's cheek with her thumb and asked, "What do you want me to do?"
Adora hesitated again. "I—I'm fine with whatever you want to do."
Catra had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. "What do you want me to do, Adora? You know how this works. I won't do anything unless you ask for it."
Adora looked off to the side and chewed on her bottom lip as she thought for a moment and warred with herself once more. "I… I want you to use your hand. I… I want to be able to kiss you."
Catra hadn't thought that her smile could have gotten any wider but it somehow did. "Alright."
Catra kissed her again, keeping it soft and gentle, as she brought the hand that had been cupping Adora's cheek down, her fingertips ghosting across her skin. When she got to her shoulder, she paused and massaged it for a moment, working some of the tension out of it, before moving onward, gently massaging her arm as she went. Adora was always so tense from a lifetime of training and combat and war. Even in her dreams, she continued to fight. Getting her to fully relax was borderline impossible even at the best of times (not that Catra really had any room to complain since she was no different). Even so, Catra made a mental note to learn how to give proper massages at some point. She knew that her purring was one of the few things that could drain some of that tension away and so she knew that she'd be able to make her fully relax and hopefully get her used to it when outside of the bedroom.
While Catra very much wanted Adora to be able to fully relax at least some of the time on her own, if she was only able to fully relax when she was with her then that would be fine, too.
When Catra's wandering hand reached Adora's wrist, she paused for a moment to hold it, to press two fingers against her pulse point and feel her heartbeat before moving on. She traced gentle patterns across Adora's hip before moving down to tenderly rub her thigh, drinking in her sweet moans all the while. She brought her hand back up and paused at her entrance just long enough for her to pull back from kissing her— ignoring her needy whine that melted her heart— so that way she could see Adora's face as she finally gave her what she wanted.
There was a sharp intake of breath as Adora tensed up at the touch but she slowly relaxed into a soft moan as Catra gently traced her lower lips. Once she was relaxed again, Catra moved her fingers to her clit and began her own ministrations, returning the love that Adora had given her earlier. She circled and rubbed using the rough pads on her fingers and heel of her hand. She ventured lower, spreading her lips and teasing her entrance before dipping a finger inside. Adora tense again as a deep and needy moan escaped her lips and Catra paused, waiting for her to relax before continuing.
Catra watched Adora carefully as she altered what she was doing. She would speed up a bit, press harder a bit, rub her clit between her finger and her thumb, and insert a second finger and curl them all while observing her reactions until she found just the right tempo, just the right amount of pressure, just the right actions to draw out those sweet sounds. While Catra would have preferred it if Adora had told her these things using her words, she knew that getting her to tell her even this much was a blessing and thus was content to let her body tell her instead. They'd get there one day.
Once everything was just right for this moment, Catra returned to kissing the brightest light in her life. They were a bit more passionate this time as their tongues explored each other's mouths but they never lost that touch of gentleness. Catra also shifted them a bit to where Adora laid fully on her back while Catra pressed herself up against her side. She then used her other hand to run her fingers through Adora's blonde hair that felt and looked like silk before massaging her scalp and the back of her head. While it wasn't the most comfortable position in the world, it was more than worth it for those sweet sighs and delicious moans.
Catra closed her eyes and once again let herself get lost in Adora. It was so much different to be coming at it from this side, giving instead of receiving. Baring her soul to let that connection form once more made her infinitely glad that Adora had forced the issue earlier. Their bond had already been a strong one— strong enough to save the universe— but she could feel it getting stronger. Two souls that had always been reaching for each other and were now finally, finally allowed to touch each other. Finally allowed to unite as they had always meant to.
Catra had never believed in destiny before but maybe, just maybe, she did now.
Eventually, she could feel the pressure inside Adora's core start to build and started increasing her tempo and the pressure. While she very much didn't want to, she forced herself to stop kissing her and pull back to watch. Her face scrunched up in a way that Catra found distinctly cute while her mouth, no longer occupied, hung open to try and get more air into her lungs. While her eyes remained closed, Catra somehow knew that they were cloudy and unfocused, her pupils blown wide.
She also somehow knew that Adora was still fighting, still warring with herself much like Catra had been when she was close. She could feel Adora's discomfort at the fact that she was taking instead of giving and how it warred with the part of her that wanted more, that wanted to be taken to the highest of heights and feel that sweet release. It broke Catra's heart to feel how Adora still, to this day, didn't think that she deserved to get what she wanted.
Catra now knew how Adora felt about her having those same thoughts.
"Hey, it's okay," Catra murmured into Adora's ear. "You're more than enough, Adora. You deserve every single bit of this and so much more. And I'll give it all to you. Every single bit that you want."
With those words and one last thrust, the war ended and Adora's eyes snapped open and she cried out as the spring in her core finally released. Catra kept her fingers in place as Adora's walls clamped down around them and refused to let go. The sight of Adora completely lost in pleasure was easily the most beautiful thing that Catra had ever seen.
Eventually, Adora finally came down and Catra removed her fingers. She looked down at them and noted how they were soaked with Adora's arousal. Without even a second thought, Catra brought them up and stuck them in her mouth. She immediately decided that the next time they did this, instead of having the other do what they wanted to themselves, they'd have themselves do what they wanted to the other. Catra was pretty sure that she would get addicted to this taste.
Once Adora had fully recovered, she turned to lay on her side and stare into Catra's mismatched eyes. They let themselves get lost in each other's eyes, letting them and the connection of their souls communicate all of the things they wanted to say but couldn't quite yet for any given reason. A thousand different whispers of love and a thousand different promises to last a thousand lifetimes as their souls found their home with each other.
"I love you. I love you so, so much. And I want to stay with you forever. If you'll have me," Adora said, wanting to put something into words, even if they were inadequate.
Catra beamed at Adora even as tears formed in her eyes. "I love you, too. And of course I'll have you. I'll never let you go."
Adore returned the smile and the two pulled each other close, snuggling into their care and affection and love. Since neither of them felt like moving enough to properly get under the covers, Catra instead reached over to fold the comforter over them before the two fell asleep in each other's arms and dreamt of the bright and shining future that lay ahead of them. One full of light and laughter and more love than they could comprehend.
Neither one of them were sure what came next after this life or if anything came at all. They weren't sure what the future would bring or what would wait for them at the end of this road that they were on. All they knew is that, whatever came next, they would be together forever.
A/N: So, I started writing this story not long after the series ended. I was in love with the show and the characters and Catradora and I had this idea in my head that I knew I wanted to write. However, partway through, I kinda just... stopped. Don't really know why but I did. I had always meant to come back to it, always meant to finish it, but I never did until yesterday. I picked it back up just after Catra reassures Adora that everything's fine after Adora rubbed the base of her tail. Then I got back into the show and started reading a lot of Catradora fics and here we are.
As a fun fact, this story wasn't originally supposed to have a sex scene in it. However, as I was writing it, it just sorta... happened as I realized that the only way to not just balance out the hurt but to provide more comfort than hurt was, well, sex. Very emotional sex.
Anyway, I'm going to do something that I usually never do but, in the spirit of the show and of this story, I feel like I need to. I'm going to talk about myself and get a bit personal.
I'm very much glad that I had dropped the story and hadn't picked it back up until yesterday. Not only were my writing talents back then not nearly sufficient to do these characters justice, this story ended up become very personal to me. I'm not going to give details for a bunch of different reasons but, almost exactly two years ago now, I lost something that was very important to me. I guess you could say that a relationship suddenly ended but it's complicated. I lost something precious and the pain of that loss has haunted me these past two years. It may well haunt me for the rest of my life.
However, in this story, in Catra and Adora, I found an outlet. While some of the details are different for obvious reasons, the core was exactly the same. I could express all of the love and hope and joy that I had felt for that something. I could take all of these feelings that no one ever truly knew about and put them into words. I could share those precious feelings with the world. Even though it won't bring that special something back, even though that precious something will never come back, others could finally understand these ever-present feelings that have been locked away in my heart.
Even though other stories that I have written or am writing or will write one day could be considered better from a certain point of view, this is the most important, to me, story that I've ever written and likely always will be.
If you're still reading this then I deeply thank you for listening to the ramblings of a lovesick lesbian. I hope you all have a fantastic life filled with all of the light and laughter and love that Catra and Adora will have.