This story is my second story ever written and first one to be posted online, first crossover
so I do apologize for my poor writing skills. This story is a crossover between Batman and
Deadpool. The plot is very dark at times so please be warned that there is morbid humour,
sexual references, and killing as both Deadpool and Joker are very mature audience
oriented characters. I shall try to keep it clean but I must give warning, this is deadpool we
are talking about.
Edit: I did originally write this in 2016 but decided to fine tune it a bit to make it better in
2024, including added lines, less forced references, better flow, and addition of italic lines
for lines that others within the universe cannot hear such as the voices in Wade's head or
his conversation with the author.
Finally, home after a long trip; Deadpool stood in front of the angry brute that was
Wolverine and thought to himself, "man that place was weird," that was when he remembered one
thing. "Oh shit, I left the stove on," Wade shouted as he left to go to the kitchen only to have his
guts slashed out by the adamantium claws of the big brute.
"Dammit! Wade quit talking crazy and explain where you were," Wolverine yelled loudly at
the man in red and black spandex. Wolverine was angrier than ever that this buffoon of a man
was out of his sight as he was told to watch over him by Charles Xavier.
"I already told you Wolvipoo, I was in this city called Gotham. There was a guy running
around in a big bat costume, some crazy ass clown and some jackass that dressed like me,"
Wade told Logan, who wasn't buying the story at all. How could he believe what had happened?
This asshole just got pushed out of some portal, hears voices in his head, and breaks the fourth
wall.
"Did somebody call for a wall break?" Deadpool asked the author. "I can explain what
happened. I mean, I was there."
"No, Wade. This is my story, and I will tell the audience about what happened," replied the
author.
It started like this, Wade was in the jungles of Wakanda, searching for Black Panther when
all of a sudden he began falling into the ground. He began laughing, "hahaha weeee the classic
leaves over a pit trick gotta love it," when the area around him became pitch black, "Oh shit," he
yelled, "Mommy get me out of here I hate the dark," he said as he began crying.
"Is that really how you plan to portray me?" he asked, quite annoyed with the author. "You
really are going to make me look like an idiot in a story about me? I have standards, you know."
"Hush it, you. You will look like a badass later but right now we just need something funny."
The author replied.
An eerie and dark light then began to show under Wade's feet. "No! I don't want to go to
hell! Satan will steal all my chimichangas!" He yelled out and fell down into a city, hitting the edge
of a building on the way down. The city was dark, disgusting, putrid, and crime filled.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I, the great Deadpoolio did the unthinkable. I
wasn't in Kansas anymore, you guys. You see, I was in a place called Gotham. Go ahead, author,
and tell them more about my story," he interrupted as the author began to type a bit furiously now
as the knowledge that Wade can flip the script however he likes begins to eat at our great author.
"Awe I'm sorry baby I didn't want you to get all mad at little old me," Wade said with a little
southern belle accent dressed like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.
After two hours of being unconscious our protagonist began to come to, the smell of
gunpowder in the air giving him a happy smile. "Ah, nothing like waking up to the smell of
gunpowder in the mornings, now all I need is to know where the hell I am and all will be perfect,"
Marvel Jesus said as he held his head, "Ah! Now, what the hell happened!?" Before he could get
the answer, two muggers walked up to him and pointed a gun at his head, "Give us all your
money," one mugger said as Wade began laughing. "What the hell do you think you're laughing at
here? Either give us your money or get your brains blown onto the ground."
"Come on, bub. You can do the easy way or the hard way, but either way we're getting
your money," the smaller mugger said behind his larger friend.
"Oh, this is going to be good," replied the merc with the mouth as he looks towards the
readers. With a gun to his head and the masked fucker not replying, the mugger decided to shoot
Deadpool right through the skull. With the regeneration ability that only our hero here has, he
stood there and laughed as the mugger in fear began to shoot at him unloading his full clip. "Awe..
No more pew pews? That's too bad. I was having fun." Said the merc in his casual joking way,
that became a bit more serious towards the end.
"What are we doing just standing here? Let's just kill them and move on," Said the
psychotic voice in Wade's head.
"You got it, buddy." Replied our anti hero merc as he pulled his katana's out of their
sheaths on his back, they were nice and sharp from the time he spent on them with his wet stone
so sharp that you could see the gleam of light coming right off the blades, and put both of them
right into the abdomen of the mugger and pulling away from himself horizontally letting the
muggers guts fall right out of the front. This sight scared the second mugger so bad he ran away
with piss running down his legs. Our antihero protagonist stood there laughing to himself as he
watched the scared mugger run away, listening to the voice in his head. "Well that was fun," he
said to himself, "What else should we do now?"
"I believe that it is ideal that we try our greatest to figure out a way to get back home." Said
the logical voice in it's typical scientific monotone.
"Where can I get some pizza?" Mr. Wilson asked as he began to walk around searching
for somewhere in which he could grab him a bite to eat. While walking he noticed an alleyway
labeled "Crime Alley" and smiled. "Ooo, this means more pew pew doesn't it?" Wade asked, "I'm
in!" He then shouted and began walking down the alleyway only to get stopped by a group of
goons, little did he know that they were working for the clown prince of crime. These goons had a
hold of a kid and his parents. As the sun began to fall there became a chill in the air, not of the
cool autumn breeze but of the fact that the bat was going to be there soon. The merc looked at
these goons and laughed, swinging away with his katanas at the goons who chose to attack,
killing them one by one slice by slice until suddenly he saw a figure dwelling within the shadows.
"Shit, it's the bat." Said one of the goons.
"Let the kid and his parents go," said another goon as he ran with the others.
"Awe, party over so soon?" Wade said with a little bit of a whininess in his tone.
"Why are you here Slade?" said the figure stepping out of the shadows as the goons ran
for their lives, it was none other than the Dark Knight himself Batman.
"Uhm? It's Wade," replied the merc in a confused tone. "Who are you batshit?"
"Who are you?" Batman asked as he pinned the familiar yet unfamiliar to the wall.
"Oo kinky, I'm just your friendly neighborhood Deadpool guy?" replied Wade with a bit of
confusion but calmness, he hadn't been treated like this since the last time he worked with Logan.
"Now can I leave? This place looks worse than Momma Juice doing hot yoga."
With that
comment Batman decided to punch the man in red and black right in the mouth, making his nose
bleed underneath the mask.
"Why are you here?" The Dark Knight asked in his husky whispery voice, hoping to
intimidate the merc.
Wade looked at Bruce and smiled, "Let's kill this batsuit wearing idiot and get back to our
lives." Said the psychotic voice, obviously getting to the mercs head.
"I don't know why, or who the hell you are but I am just trying to get my ass home. Now
either you let me down or no more chimichangas for you mister," he replied with a smirk as he
booped the man dressed as a bat on his cowl-covered nose, only to get punched right in the jaw
again and again.
"How did you get here?" Asked the man with the suit like a bat on.
"I don't know, I was dropped here by some portal." Deadpool replied again only to get
punched again. "Ok now you're starting to piss me off, let me go or this will end badly for you
buddy," this time Wade was seriously pissed.
"Don't lie to me." Said the Batman in a bit of anger as he punched Deadpool again to
which a kick to the groin was returned.
"Don't grab me like that again bud, I'm not into BDSM," Deadpool said, like a liar, as he got
the other man's hands off him and pushed him to the ground. "Now who are you and where is
T'Challa?"
"What are you talking about?" The Bat asked short of breath and with less sound in his
voice.
"Where is Black Panther and how the hell did your city get underneath Wakanda?"
Deadpool asked as he picked his katanas back up and kept them pointed towards Batman.
"I don't kn–" Batman said but was stopped by the blade that was now just mere inches
from his throat.
"I suggest you answer me or I will be watching you die slowly in my arms bleeding with my
own eyes." Interrupted the Merc, this time way too bloodthirsty. "I have killed fuckers like you
before and I'm not afraid to do it again. Now tell me, where is T'Challa and how do I get back to
Wakanda?"
"Master Bruce, it appears as though some portal has just closed from above Gotham."
Alfred said in the earpiece under the suit that Wayne was wearing.
"I can get you home," Bruce said in a super husky voice, unable to breath out of fear of
cutting himself with the sword at his throat. "Just let me go."
With this Deadpool put his Katanas back in their sheaths and looked at the bat, "Explain
what's going on." Said The jumpsuit wearing vigilante with a bit more of a calmness in his voice.
Batman finally stood back up onto his feet and looked at Wade, "I found out how you got
here so all I will need is the time to come up with a plan and you can get home," he said, "I may
not know you but as long as you are here you better not get yourself into any trouble otherwise I
don't think I will be able to help you home."
"What are we doing listening to such a fool? We should have just killed him when we had
the chance, less annoyances that way." Said the psychotic voice, obviously trying to coax the man
of unpredictability back to killing the man that stood before him.
"This is a very interesting way to go about this," said the voice of intelligence, "now Wade,
continue to be on this man's good side and we can be home safe and sound."
"Shotgun," said the merc with the mouth in excitement, "under one condition… you stop
with the furry bait costume."
After calling the Batmobile, Batman hopped in the driverseat as Deadpool stood there
looking at the shiny, black, futuristic car with a bat lifted in release on the doors. He then hopped
into the back seat and began feeling the softness that was the leather cotton mixed seats, shining
but at the same time oh so soft, black with a yellow lining. "Alfred, we are on the way to the
Batcave, make sure that this weirdo doesn't escape. There is something about him that could help
me with the portal you mentioned." Batman said with Alfred on a holographic video call in the front
of the batmobile.
"As you wish, is there any information you have received on your new 'friend'?" Alfred
asked in a confused tone of voice.
"Not yet, we will run tests on him and figure out everything but after that we need to figure
out a way to keep him out of the public eye." Bruce replied
"Testing? I sure hope it isn't math because I suck at that," Deadpool interrupted, "oh and
by the way if you want to do the other kind of testing make sure you use the big needle I heard
that can be really hot."
"I thought you said you weren't into BDSM now, get back there," Bruce said in a
threatening tone, pushing Wade into the back seat at the same time. "We will be there soon
Alfred." With that last sentence he hung up the call and continued to drive through the streets of
Gotham. He tried to avoid criminals as much as he could but inevitably failed as shots were fired
into the back tires of the batmobile, causing it to slide off the side of the road.
"Woah what the fuck was that?" Deadpool asked as he rolled around the back seat.
"Batman, it looks like we have trouble. Slade has gotten a group of goons together and he
seems to be targeting you." Barbara Gordon said to Bruce in a calm frightened tone of voice.
"Oh hell nah!" the merc said in a sassy southern black woman voice. "Ain't no way
momma gonna get her joyride interrupted by some jerk shooting out no damn tire nuh uh!" With
that Deadpool grabbed the hilt of his twin katanas and jumped out of the car slicing and dicing
every enemy that stood in his way causing blood and guts covering the smooth grey concrete
before getting shot right in the skull by the sniper that wore blue and orange, it was Slade Wilson
also known as Deathstroke.
"Interesting, it seems as though Batman has made a friend that is not afraid to kill." Slade
said from the top of the clock tower in his calm and casual voice. "He shall make for an interesting
target." With that Deathstroke stood up and stepped away from his shooting perch. "We have a
very unique target on our hands whatever backup you plan to bring abort, I shall take care of him."
"It appears as though we are unable to track the location of Wade," a bald man in a
wheelchair said to himself, it was none other than Charles Xavier. "Logan it looks like Wade has
disappeared from our sensors, based off the knowledge I have received he was on a mission from
Steve to find T'Challa search for him and bring him here because I believe Fury would also like to
have a word with him."
"I'm on it," said the man in yellow, blue and black, "I will figure out a way to Africa and be
on my way." With that he hung up the call, "Wade you idiot you only had one job and now I have
to clean up your damn mess, I swear if you are not dead you better be talking."
"Ow, son of a bitch," Wade said in a little pain from the sniper shot, "whoever did that is
going to pay." With that he continued his onslaught of slicing and dicing pushing through the pain
before getting near the bell tower only to get shot in the gut as Deathstroke stepped out from the
shadows of the bell tower with a pistol in his hand.
"Are you going to come with us quietly or are you going to be needing force?" Slade
answered with no effect on himself with the words he said.
"Wait a minute," Deadpool said and began examining Deathstroke's suit, "you're
cosplaying as me ain't you?"
Hearing the words Wade said forced Slade to shoot him in the gut. "Wrong answer," Slade
said as he then began to use the butt of his sniper rifle to knock Deadpool out, "bring in the crew
we have a new hostage on board."
Batman finally making it to the bell tower only to get hit from behind causing him to fall to
his knees. "Why are you here Slade?" he asked in pain.
"Why you ask Batman," Deathstroke said in a calm voice as he walked around the man in
the costume, "simply to put an end to your legend once and for all. No longer will Nightwing be
able to call upon his friend in Gotham when necessary. Never again shall Robin be calling out to
daddy in the middle of the night."
Soon everything began to become dark for Bruce when all of a sudden Slade was
knocked down onto the ground as Batman saw the brown leather jacket and back of the red
helmet and knew it was none other than Jason Todd, aka the Red Hood. Jason began to punch
Slade repeatedly in the jaw with lefts and rights sitting on top of Deathstroke's stomach, almost as
if he was a UFC Fighter, before finally headbutting him to knock him out. "Bruce are you alright?"
Jason asked in concern to which Bruce nodded and passed out.
"He will be fine Jason," said Dick Grayson in his classic black and blue Nightwing suit,
"he's just a little shook up from Slade's actions. He should be fine in about four hours."
"Well what about this freak?" Jason asked with his Red Hood helmet off.
"He's fine now oddly enough," Grayson replied in a bit of a concerned confusion. "I don't
know how but he got to one hundred percent about a half hour ago."
"Is he a Kryptonian like Clark?" Jason asked also confused but confident in his reasoning.
"That is what I thought until we did DNA tests on him, there is no way he is Kryptonian but
there is no way he is a normal human," Dick replied still confused "we're going to have to do some
more tests on him and figure out this guys situation, if we can use some of his DNA we could rid
the world of any medical threats. He could possibly be a meta but we'd have to talk to Barry."