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Nathan & Elizabeth: An Epic Love

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Chapter Seventeen

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Revelations

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As they entered the Café together, Elizabeth had to admit she was relieved to find it empty.

"How about that corner table? In front of the window? I don't want you to feel any more awkward about this than you have to. It seems I'm feeling awkward enough for both of us," he looked around nervously.

"Lucas, we really don't have to do this!"

"Yes, Elizabeth, we do. It's absolutely necessary, though I warn you, this conversation isn't going to be pleasant for either one of us. This is the first time in my life I am taking full responsibility for what I have done, and I warn you, it's not pretty."

"You're scaring me, Lucas. This doesn't feel right."

"That's because it isn't right. Please give me the courtesy of hearing me out."

To Elizabeth's relief, Minnie interrupted them to take their order.

"Hello, Elizabeth, Lucas! What can I get for the both of you?" smiled Minnie, confounded that they were together, especially after seeing her so happy with Nathan earlier.

"Just a cup of Earl Gray for me, Minnie, and coffee for Elizabeth. I'm afraid I can't ever remember exactly how she likes it."

"No worries, Lucas, it's a dash of cream and a teaspoonful of sugar! I wouldn't likely have return customers if I didn't remember their coffee orders!"

"Thank you, Minnie," smiled Elizabeth, relieved to have a female presence nearby.

"You look happy, Elizabeth," noted Lucas as Minnie left. "Extremely happy! In fact, happier than I've ever seen you look."

"I am extremely happy, and I don't mean to hurt you by saying that. Are we making small talk here?" she laughed a little nervously.

"I thought it best, as we don't want to get interrupted once I start. Just know I am genuinely happy for both you and Nathan. He spoke with me earlier, and I can clearly see both of you are obviously very, very happy together!"

"We are, deliriously so," and that look of love flooded her face. "Thank you, Lucas, for saying that; we both appreciate your kind words."

Elizabeth smiled, yet the two seemed unable to make further chit-chat.

Perhaps it was the stress of whatever this was or Lucas's feelings of guilt, but even Minnie noticed that both remained silent until she delivered their order.

"Here you go! Just let me know if you want anything to go with that. Though you might have to come get me. I'll be in and out the back door. But there's hot water for tea and a hot pot of coffee on the stove. Feel free to help yourself. And if you don't mind, I'm going to put the closed sign up till I return. That way, you two can have your privacy, and I can get my work done without constant interruption!"

"Thank you, Minnie. That's very kind," nodded Elizabeth, so grateful for her friend reading the situation, understanding the awkwardness, and offering a quick solution to ensure their privacy.

As Minnie made her exit, Lucas cleared his throat and turned back to Elizabeth, more nervous than ever.

"First, I want you to know that your friendship means the world to me. You are the first true friend I've ever had, Elizabeth. Ironically, along with Nathan. It's been the two of you who have stuck by me through thick and thin here in Hope Valley. And I want both of you to know how much that's meant to me and continues to mean to me. However, I'm fully aware I haven't returned that friendship at all properly, especially to Nathan."

"Lucas, I would give anything for this triangle to have never happened. You know that! I never once meant to hurt anyone, and yet I ended up hurting everyone involved, myself included, along with two precious children, and when I think of all that, I am truly filled with overwhelming remorse."

"Don't allow that! You and Nathan are the best people I know, and I mean that, Elizabeth, from the bottom of my heart. Although most people would say, I don't even have a heart."

"That's not true, Lucas! You do a lot of good that people don't necessarily see. You may not always make the most perfect decisions, but who does? Yet your heart seems to be in the right place."

With that, Lucas shook his head in the negative, then used his hands to cover his entire face as though he were ashamed.

"No, Elizabeth, that's just what you think. That's what I've taught you to think of me. The truth is my heart has seldom been in the right place as an adult. Perhaps not even as a child. You see, even though I had a team of nannies to care for me growing up, the one person I needed most, my Mother, I didn't have at all. She took no interest in me whatsoever. Though Father adored me, and I adored him, Mother was always distant, constantly making up excuses that kept Father and me apart, as she always wanted him with her until she didn't. Looking back, she resented our close relationship and wanted me, just like Father, to only love her, yet she gave neither of us any reason to do so. Thanks to Father, we were rich with money never being an issue, and I suppose fairly high-society at the time, but later Mother ruined that as well. The whole situation was tolerable until I turned eleven, because up until that time, I had my Father to run interference. He spent every free moment he could with me and was always buying me fun games for us to play and classic books for us to read together; he even took me on business trips with him, which I loved! Obviously, I inherited his love of business."

"What happened when you turned eleven?"

"It was as if my mother lost her mind, and suddenly this handsome man she adored could do nothing right, as though she now detested him, accusing him of repeatedly going out on her. I remember she would go into rages, beating him with her own hands. Scratching him, pulling at his hair. She would even lock him out of our homes. But then she went further, she planted evidence against Father, and hired some goons to rough him up so badly he ended up in the hospital. While all this was going on, she dragged his name, our family name, through the mud and totally ruined his reputation and our family's, the whole while securing a sordid, very humiliating divorce that was constantly making horrific headlines. It ruined my father, as well as our family's social standing. To make matters worse, just after all this happened, my French grandfather died, and my father had to go to France to fill his place, taking over the worldwide conglomerate he had built. Believe me, I begged to go with him, and he did everything in his power to take me. But because of the damage my mother had done to his formerly pristine reputation, the Judge awarded her custody of me. That happened even though eventually, he was able to prove he had never once betrayed his marriage vow as her accusations were simply borne of my mother's monstrous lies. My father spent a ton of money fighting it, but to no avail. Short of kidnapping me, his hands were tied. But to this day, he sends her incredible sums of money, which she locks away in a giant safe and refuses to use a cent of."

"I'm sorry, Lucas, all that had to be difficult for a little boy of eleven."

"Early on, I had to fend for myself emotionally and learned quickly that I had to put my needs first for survival, above all others, no matter what. And those are rules I've lived by since. But Elizabeth, please know that you are very important to me now. You have been kind to me, kinder than any person has ever been in my life. It's your profound kindness that I have relied on but also abused. That kindness, though, is what I remember and hold onto, not our failed relationship, though that's what we need to speak about now, as difficult as it is to do so. You deserve the truth, the full truth, so that you and Nathan can move forward unencumbered by any past misperceptions I've created. And I regret to admit, there are quite a few of them."

Having regained his composure, Lucas swallowed a sip of his tea, then slowly continued.

"I did lie to you about Jeanette and me, so please let me clear that up before we move forward."

"I knew you were lying about Jeanette. It was clear you had been deeply in love with her and probably still are."

"The truth is I loved her from the moment I saw her, like I've never loved anyone else and probably never will!"

He bored into Elizabeth's eyes, searching for some reaction, surprised and relieved to find none, and so he continued.

"I fell in love with Jeanette just like you fell in love with Nathan, and he with you, Elizabeth. The difference was I didn't know what to do with a love like that. And the truth is, I'm the one who bungled it all badly, not Jeanette. We were very much engaged, though it wasn't her doing at all. Contrary to what I said, it was all me. I bought her the biggest, flashiest diamond ring I could find at Tiffany's in New York City, and chased her from there, to San Francisco to New Orleans. And though my family was rich, her family was wealthy like no other! They were also the crème de la crème of society, while my family had fallen from grace in that respect, given my mother's actions. That's not why I fell in love with her. I hope you believe me when I say that, although you may not before this talk is finished. I admit her wealth would have been a very nice bonus. Though, in Jeanette's case, had she been a pauper instead, I would have still been helplessly and hopelessly drawn to her. You see, she represented perfection, the unattainable. But as it turned out, none of that mattered in the end, anyway." (*38)

Elizabeth wanted to ask a couple of questions but, fearing she would hate the answers, remained silent instead.

"Jeanette's parents violently disapproved of me, and with good reason. Basically, I was a nobody to them, but I was also going through my rebellious phase and hadn't garnered the best reputation. They saw me as trouble, and they were right. As your family, too, would have eventually done so, given my true history, which they were bound to uncover at some point. But back to my past, by some miracle, Jeanette fell in love with me. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for me, and that's where the story gets extremely complicated, so we'll leave it there for now. Just suffice it to say, I pushed her into things she wanted nothing to do with. But to be completely honest, I would have had to first clarify my previous relationship to you, which I should have done before we ever went on that first date. I just hope with all my heart you can forgive me for lying to you about all this!"

Elizabeth remained silent, except to nod in agreement with the fact he should have told her before they began dating.

Surprisingly, so far, nothing had truly shocked her. Even though to the world, she had appeared oblivious to certain things, there had always been significant doubt inside.

Instead, her recurring dreams of Jack cautioning her ran through her mind, dreams she had completely ignored.

'Open your eyes, Elizabeth! Open your heart, and you will see and know this is not the path meant for you.'

But in place of doing as Jack repeatedly requested, she unleashed her anger on him for having left her, justifying her 'wonderful new life' to the dream of him instead.

Presently, since she hadn't freely offered the hoped-for forgiveness, Lucas mentioned it again, almost desperately, this time in the form of a formal question, snapping her out of her daze.

"What?"

"Can you please forgive me, Elizabeth?" his eyes implored of her.

"There's…there's nothing to forgive, Lucas! As wrong as lying is, I hate to admit that I've pretty much surmised all this, anyway."

Little did Elizabeth realize there were many more lies and more than enough to forgive, with what was coming…

Before speaking again, Lucas reached for her hands, hoping to soften his blow.

She immediately moved them away, placing them both under the table and leaving her coffee untouched, feeling disbelief that this conversation was actually happening.

"Elizabeth, every single thing I am about to tell you, I am telling you as a man with deep regret. It pains me to say this, but I should have never pursued you, and the truth is you wouldn't have accepted me had you known the real me or the real reasons I went after you. I hope with all my heart you can forgive me."

"I don't understand."

"You are a beautiful person inside and out, and I have always been deeply attracted to you, but it wasn't love that drew me to you. I did grow to love you with as much of my heart as I was able to give you, just like you did the same for me. Ironically, now that we are no longer a couple, there is a pure love for you in my heart that will always remain there. And I'm referring to the love of a dear, dear friend who means the world to me and will always mean the world to me. You are the one who was honest enough with me to release me and help me find my life's path. That's opened up a whole new world to me in a way I could never have imagined, and it's meant everything! I can't tell you how much it pains me to say this. But I lied to you far beyond Jeanette, Elizabeth."

"I really don't understand. If you didn't love me, weren't in love with me, why did you pursue me?"

"There were lots of reasons. I've always been extremely competitive. From the very beginning, I knew that you and Nathan loved each other in a way that was beyond anything I had ever seen. As I told Nathan earlier today, I knew it, I saw it, and I felt it. Everyone did, Elizabeth. But to me, my needs were more important than love, period! And I will also admit, in my estimation, my needs were more important than Nathan's and more important than yours," he looked down, unable to make eye contact. "Or so I thought."

She was growing sicker by the minute.

"Knowing the two of you had this 'great love,' as you like to call it, only made me go after you with a greater vengeance. If you'll remember, I put Nathan down every chance I got, often to his face, even in front of people, and when not, directly to you. Do you know why? Because I had to win at all costs. He was nothing compared to me, and in my mind, he was not at all in your class. He simply didn't deserve you."

Lucas paused before continuing.

"The pinnacle of everything with you was when we finally got engaged. It meant I had won everything I had set out to win. Jeanette was long out of the picture by that time, which elevated you as the new ultimate prize. Honestly, that ring I gave you meant more to me than it did to you because it proved to the world that I had won your hand. Now everyone could see I was the better man of the two, the one truly worthy of you, the beautiful socialite from Hamilton."

Elizabeth remained silent, even stalwart while falling into a million pieces inside.

"The truth is I needed you on my arm for credibility. Social credibility, to be exact. In order to truly be accepted in the business world of Canada, I needed your social standing, the social standing of the Thatchers of Hamilton. The Bouchard name is just that, a fancy French name that still carries an enormous amount of weight in France, as my father is there, managing his vast worldwide enterprises. But unless I want to move to France and enter the family business, which has always been an option, I have no direct access to that money except through Father. Don't get me wrong, he keeps me well supplied with what appears to be his endless coffers of incoming funds. Making money normally is not a problem in my life. Though there are occasionally exceptions to that norm."

She looked confused, so he continued, but most embarrassingly so.

"You see, when I began courting you, I was in the middle of, shall we say, a business crisis and in desperate need of money, your money. It seemed my luck had run out winning at gambling, at least for the time being, so I approached Father, who couldn't get the huge amount I needed to me in time. And that was through no fault of his own, as I hadn't anticipated my timeline properly. I tried to get Mother to loan it to me from the stash in her safe but got nowhere with her."

"Hence, the real reason for your trip to New Orleans."

"You are correct, and no, I did not build a Church."

"So, the money was the real reason you returned to woo me?" she asked, looking straight into eyes that were now revolting to her.

"Yes! That was my original intent. Elizabeth, I give you my word, I wasn't going to use your money except as a last resort, and of course I would have paid you back in full."

"Of course," she mocked, seething, no longer able to hide it but interrupting to ask a question she needed the answer to.

"So, tell me this: if your mother has so much money, why does she work at this late age? I assume it's because she wants to and that she just loves publishing, particularly my books?"

"It's more than that. I know she concocted some absurd story that Father had just gone out on her and told you all about their supposed marital woes and how desperately she wanted to get back with him."

"Yet now I learn they had been divorced for more than twenty-some-odd years?" clarified Elizabeth, practically raging inside.

"Yes. Elizabeth, that is true. They were, in fact, all lies."

"I don't understand, except like mother, like son?"

"That's rather harsh, though totally deserved. We didn't understand either. You see, though the family doesn't speak of it, Elizabeth, Mother is mentally ill. She's under treatment with several of the best medical doctors but still has her moments."

"And you don't think you might have warned me?" she asked incredulously. "I brought her into my home in my son's presence!"

Elizabeth also felt as though she was going to throw up because that visit from Helen had truly changed everything.

"Lucas, she manipulated me into rethinking or, more accurately, ending my relationship with Nathan. She pushed me into your arms."

"Yes, I know she did! She can be very focused when she has a particular goal, and I'm afraid you were her goal at that moment. But it gets worse."

Elizabeth was now too sick to speak, already breathing heavily, having a visceral reaction she couldn't control.

"It sickens me to say all this, but I have to be completely honest in order for us to move forward. I'm fighting for our friendship, Elizabeth. Even after our engagement, I knew Nathan still had your heart. With each of your over-the-top kisses, I knew you were overcompensating, trying to force your heart to love me. And I was okay with that as long as we were together. See, except for Father and Jeanette, I had lived my whole life without any real love. I simply didn't need it."

He sighed heavily and continued.

"I deeply regret this sordid mess and all the manipulation I'm responsible for. I know it's inexcusable. And I am so sorry for keeping you and Nathan, as a couple and a family, apart for those two long years. I am to blame for it all, not you. I know you've apologized to me over and over, but the truth is you were confused, grieving, and terrified. I knew and used all that to my advantage. But because of you, Nathan, and Jeanette, I've finally changed. Please say something, Elizabeth."

"You are sitting here casually telling me my entire life of the past two years is an utter lie? And you want me to forgive you? What am I supposed to do with that, Lucas? You didn't love me, you weren't in love with me, you wooed me under false pretensions, you needed me on your arm for my social status, and you desperately needed my money that I don't even currently have access to! Oh, and the ugliest of all, you kept me from my soulmate and my real family for two years! I repeat, what in this crazy world am I supposed to do with that?"

"Elizabeth…"

"No, I've listened to you. Now you are going to listen to me! I have defended you to everyone in this town over and over. I have defended you and me being together, building it up like it was a fairytale, flaunting it in front of the man I love more than life itself. I risked everything I hold dear for you, including my reputation and my social standing, as well as my own family and my profession, when you took me to Union City overnight without a chaperone. Had my parents known that, they would have disinherited me and ruined you. There would have been no marriage. I knew better, and you knew better. You even told me, a mother, you weren't ready for children, yet I gave you a complete pass! Do I blame you for that trip? No, I blame my own stupidity for that because I said yes to going. I even risked Nathan's pure love and the precious love of his daughter, whom I love as my own daughter. How could you, Lucas? How could you woo me and keep me from their love when you knew you didn't love me?"

Lucas's eyes glistened over all this horribleness he had created, though both sat there also knowing Elizabeth had created it with him.

Suddenly, another night came to Elizabeth's mind. Though she never raised her voice, she was literally raging inside. Unlike Elizabeth's normal animation, her words remained flat and dull, piercing what heart Lucas had left.

"I remember another night in front of all of Hope Valley. The night you begged me to stay with me and my son at our home, trying to escape the 'bad guys' you said. What if the 'bad guys' had found you, Lucas? Did you have no concern about what would have happened to my son and me? Had you not thought that far ahead? How did I not see it? How did I allow that on so many levels? Did you not once again think of what little reputation I had left? After, the entire town knew you had spent the night with me. Oh, what they must have thought of me! It's a wonder they didn't strip me of my job right then and there!"

She paused to collect her thoughts.

"And Lucas, given all that, this is perhaps a small thing. However, it always nagged at me, yet I never got the courage to discuss it with you, so I excused it away like everything else. I am a teacher who specialized in classic literature at college. I know the book 'Dangerous Liaisons.' I know what it's about, and I know the main character and his illicit intention! How did I blindly, yet again, give you another complete pass on such an ugly choice period, much less as your favorite novel of all time? Yet, I played ignorant when you made the comment in front of our community, as though they were too dumb to understand your double entendre. 'No,' I thought. 'Lucas is cultured. That couldn't possibly be why he likes it!'" (*39)

She let out a frustrated gasp before continuing.

"How could we have done this to each other when we truly didn't even love each other? Perhaps that's on both of us, and I suppose we'll both have to figure out a way to live with all these lies. But how could you have known all that and still kept me from the soulmate I belonged with and longed for? All this time lying to yourself and to me, and to each other, time after time after time again?"

"Elizabeth, I desperately needed money and was in a very bad headspace. I'm telling you all this to prove I've changed. This whole experience has taught me life lessons I needed to learn. Though I do think there was a part of me who just wanted to pamper you and give you all the beautiful things in the world that I knew Nathan couldn't give you."

"Don't you dare say that! Nathan gives me more beauty in a casual glance than any mansion on a hill, or any showy balloon ride, or any other luxury that can be afforded. Oh, the irony, Lucas! All this time, Nathan and I have been concerned about your feelings!"

"I don't know what to say, Elizabeth."

"You've said more than enough," she bit back, trying to calm herself.

"How do we move forward?" he asked, almost desperately, unable to be removed from these two people he somehow needed.

"I'm not even sure we can at this point. I no longer think you even know how to be a friend, Lucas! And because of that, both Nathan and I have cut you so much slack, all the while trying our best to befriend you. It's your turn now. Take the time and make the effort to learn to be a friend to us, a true friend. And you start doing that by winning our trust back, which is now at an all-time low, I might add!"

"I haven't a clue how to do that, Elizabeth, but I give you my word, such as it is, I will figure it all out!"

"That's the only way for us to keep any contact at all, Lucas! There's one other thing you need to consider. And since we humans seem to always hurt the one we love the most, I can only imagine the immense pain you and Jeanette have caused each other over the years. I know there are now extenuating circumstances, with you being governor and her in prison, but they don't really matter! You need to make things right with her, and you need to make her your focus. You need to fix the mess that has to still exist between the two of you before either of you can find any peace at all."

She signed heavily and rose to leave but turned back.

"You see, Lucas, a real relationship, whether it's a love relationship, a non-love relationship, or just a friendship, is built on complete trust. Nathan and I have always wanted to trust you. We want to trust you moving forward. Prove to us that we can, and the three of us will somehow get past this sordid mess. Do that, and we will still offer you the friendship we have always offered you. And I believe so will Jeanette."

He stared up at her, for once in his life feeling sordidly ashamed, though his words were spent, giving Elizabeth the final say.

"I believe at this point, Lucas, that's the best the four of us can do!"

"Oh, and I think it's a good idea for us to respect each other's privacy for a while…"

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38. "Tiffany's," now of Fifth Avenue, New York City, New York was founded by Charles Lewis Tiffany and John B. Young as the stationary store, 'Tiffany, Young, and Ellis,' in 1837 at 259 Broadway in Lower Manhattan; the company began selling jewelry, glassware, and clocks in 1839; the company moved to Fifth Avenue and 37th Street in 1905; Tiffany's iconic Fifth Avenue Flagship store first opened its doors at 727 Fifth Avenue in 1940, a move that helped the area as the world-renowned luxury shopping district it is today. Public Domain.

39. "Dangerous Liaisons," is a French novel by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos that was first published in 1782. The book's original title is Les Liaisons dangereuses and it was published in four volumes. Public Domain.