Hello hello!

Guest: ah ah I know, I guess I couldn't resist. Watching the show I would have hated any appearance from Shazza but here I can 'control it' so… Besides, sometimes we really do need someone who is not involved in our mess to give us an objective opinion

Tina: LOL, part of me thinks that Cal just didn't want to give Burns the satisfaction to rattle him, but also he's doing it for Gillian too. Bringing in characters we are already familiar with helps because we already know something about how they would interact, sadly developing original characters is a lot of work especially for smaller roles.

You bet Cal is going into protective mode, we already know he wouldn' hesitate to jump in front of a gun to protect the ones he loves

8

All they really wanted was to leave the weird day behind, but spending the late afternoon filing for a protective order certainly put a damper on whatever plans for the evening Gillian might have had. As a matter of fact, when they finally left the office after a two hours-long three way call with Wallowski and Zoe to put together their request the Christmas party plans were long forgotten, and most concerning was the fact that having spent a big part of the day with her boyfriend's ex wife and last fling was not even what was bothering her.

To be honest with herself, what truly upset her was the fact that she was letting that get to her, and that one way or the other Cal was paying the price of it. Besides the guilt he'd probably never been able to shake off entirely for having - in his opinion - kicked off the whole affair by being nice, and having been forced to face the prospect of insane criminal charges against him, on top of it all Cal was now facing the difficult challenge of following her lead, respecting her need for self-defence against it all by denial, while also satisfying his own need to protect her.

So that evening just before leaving the office, when Cal shily suggested they'd go to his place for the night as if he wasn't sure he should ask, she opted not to make a big deal out of it and simply said yes. The subtext of his request was obvious: he didn't want her to be alone and he felt that his home would have been a safer stronghold in case of need. He had witnessed Burns' disappointment at the police station, and as much as having started the PO process comforted him he clearly didn't trust the former DEA's ability to keep his emotions in check after his plan had failed. Burns had only been to his house once while drunk and it was fair to say Cal would have had the high ground in case of a second visit, not to mention that the homeowner was now going to be on constant alert. On the other hand, he also felt Burns' failed attempt should have been enough of a wake up call for the man to step back.

Once they got home Cal offered to cook, which gave him a chance to focus on something else and decompress and to Gillian the opportunity to keep mulling over her side of things without feeling his constant attention on herself. There wasn't much talk during that, but the silence was not uncomfortable or forced: more than anything it was a sign of understanding and respect for each other's way to process, nurtured by the knowledge that they'd eventually be ready to get things back on track.

Eventually Cal put two generous servings of carbonara on the table and let the steamy smell call Gillian from the living room. He beamed when she showed up in the kitchen, alert and with her nose up in the air like a hound on a trail, then ceremoniously pushed one of the plates towards her and watched her take a seat and grab hold of the fork. They broke the silence barrier as they ate and drank, easy and natural, then after dinner Cal got on the phone with Emily while Gillian took care of the dishes.

With dinner done they moved on to work; after they had come back from the precinct there had been no time nor focus for it and no matter what was going on in their lives they were well aware where their main responsibilities were. The Burns thing was being taken care of and there was nothing else they could do about it; on the other hand, clients needed attention, cases were waiting for review and their staff needed to know they were not on their own. As lame as it might have sounded, that kind of evening suited them perfectly since they shared an honest passion for their work and the mission it aimed to achieve, and in a way it brought them closer.

Still, there was only so much work they could take after such a long day and eventually laptops and folders were closed, replaced by a bottle of wine as they moved from the kitchen to the couch. Cal sat in the corner and stretched his legs out on the coffee table while Gillian settled next to him, her head on his shoulder and one arm around him. There was more silence between them, relaxed and quiet as they sipped wine from the bottle in turns absently staring at the switched off TV, until Cal sighed and stretched forward a little to put the bottle down and use both arms to hold her.

"Tell me about him," he said in a soft voice, his mouth pressed to her head. "Tell me about Burns."

Gillian's instinctive reaction was to stiffen her hold on him, but quickly relaxed again when she heard him chuckle.

"Why?"

She could feel him shake his head briefly, as if the thought was of no importance despite being stuck in his head.

"Because I don't think he's some kind of monster, but I need to understand him," he explained calmly. "I never paid that much attention to him-" Gillian had to pull back a little and give him a side-eye, which he cheekily ignored. "- but this whole thing seems a bit out of character. The one thing I really knew about him was the one I wasn't supposed to know…well that, and that he made you happy."

This time Gillian sat up straight to look at him properly, confused by his request and the final part of his statement. He was still smiling, but more as an apology than anything else knowing he had ventured into a bit of a touchy subject. Had he been happy for her, back then, that she had found someone? Well not jumping for joy, but he had been glad that she had gotten herself out of the difficulties of being married to Alec, especially with how things had dragged miserably towards the end. More than anything, as much as he had already been in love with her then he had been nowhere near ready to make his move, so he had forced himself to go along with what made at least one of them happy.

Maybe Gillian read all of that in his shy smile, maybe she felt it in the gentle but firm way he kept holding her close almost as if he was afraid she could bail out on him, or maybe she had always thought it had been the case but had never dared to actually face that particular kind of music. Whatever the case, after a short contemplative silence, she resumed the snuggly position in his arms and started talking. She told him that Burns had managed to be shy and upfront at the same time when asking her out the first time, that she had felt at ease with him from the beginning and that it had been refreshing to be with someone who was not hiding his real nature from her all the time. She also told him how her perspective on that had inevitably changed when she had casually stumbled into the secret he was indeed keeping, about her confusion when she had found out what it was and that she struggled to be mad at him when he was putting himself on the line for something she found honestly noble. She told Cal how difficult the night after Burns had left had been, how she had cried herself to sleep cursing Little Moon and the DEA and Cal too in between tears; and then she finished by telling him how the morning after, while looking at her own sleep-deprived face in the mirror, she had taken the decision to fight back and don't let that affect her.

Cal listened, moving as little as possible if not to slowly caress her arm with his hand, judging himself for having missed so much at that time, blinded as he had been by his own despair. He had asked the question with honesty and expected honesty in return, nothing less from Gillian, hoping she would understand that it wasn't a ploy to distract her. There was an elephant in the room and they couldn't ignore it, they shouldn't in his opinion, and he really needed to understand if there was something about that man he had missed, something that might have explained his recent actions.

In the end, Gillian's own words voiced out the answer: no, there had been nothing in the past that could explain the present. Cal didn't know how to feel about it, he was a man of science and it would have been of great comfort to find out there was something he could analyse, dissect and understand…and fix, mostly fix. However, mindful of how that evening had started he decided not to push, understanding that he had already pushed her enough and really there was no benefit in mulling over something they could do nothing about. So, with swift and obvious intent, he opted to go for a very different approach.

"Christmas is coming up," he mumbled then, holding back a chuckle when he heard her snort a laugh in his chest. "Maybe we should start talking about it, you know? Money-wasting party and all that."

Gillian took in a long breath and shook her head as she moved, going from clinging onto him to lay down on the couch with her head on his lap, the broad smile on her face never faltering. Cal waited for her to settle, looking down at her adoringly at the way the very mention of the holidays had lightened up her face, then posed no resistance when she took his hands and guided them to wrap around her again.

"You don't have to do this, Cal," she whispered gently, absently stroking his chin with one finger.

"Thank God!" He burst, throwing his head back in an exaggerated motion.

"I mean bringing up something silly and completely unrelated to distract me." Cal smirked. "The Christmas party is definitely on."

He grumbled something in a soft protest and she laughed, then they let the moment go and relaxed further into each other. Eventually, Gillian asked if he wanted to watch some telly, and even though Cal didn't quite feel like it he couldn't resist her using his own slang and agreed, and they ended up settling on '12 Angry Men' and watched it till they both fell asleep on the couch.

The morning after they both woke up energised and ready for a more positive outlook on things, and more than ready to get to work and focus on someone else's problems rather than their own. They flirted a little throughout breakfast, easing into that little domesticity that was fast growing between them, and while on the drive on the way to the office Gillian's phone ringing interrupted their overview of the daily's agenda.

"It's Wallowski," she announced, and Cal nodded back as she put the device on speaker. "Good morning Detective."

Cal couldn't help but smirk harmlessly at her cheerful tone, amazed that she would always try to be polite on the outset. Him, on the other hand, was not one for too many pleasantries when there was something brewing.

"What's the problem?" He bluntly asked, ignoring Gillian's disappointed glare.

"Just a quick update," the detective explained, and Gillian had to recognise her ability to gloss over Cal's idiosyncrasies and plough forward with his nonsense. "The judge signed the P.O, a couple of officers are on the way to serve him now."

They exchanged a quick look as the new sunk in, sharing moderate relief.

"And then what?" Cal barked again, making Gillian think that the detective had probably hoped to avoid interacting with him by calling her directly.

"Well, after that it's simple. He'll get the message to stay away, and if he violates any of the terms of the order he's going to be arrested." Unsurprisingly, Gillian didn't feel as bad as she had in the past facing that possibility. "I asked the officers to let me know once he's notified, that should wrap it up."

"Thank you, Detective," Gillian jumped in before Cal could carry on. "We really appreciate all the help."

"Try to stay out of trouble, ok?" She replied. "I'll text you when it's done."

She wasn't one for too many words, which suited all of them rather well. Getting help was great, but the situation was still a touch weird to get so many people involved and perhaps there was no need to make a spectacle out of it.

"So…it's done?" Cal asked then.

"Seems like it."

"Uh uh," he hummed, thoughtful. "Does it feel like it?"

Gillian didn't answer, not sure what she could say or what he expected to hear, but simply put her hands over his on the steering wheel and welcomed his puzzled look with a warm smile. Cal knew that smile was supposed to reassure him, and maybe herself, to convince him that yes, she did feel safer just with the idea of something out there in the universe working alongside them, but for the love of God, how casual could they be when discussing protective orders and potential arrest?

Feeling suddenly uneasy, Cal shifted on the seat to face her and leaned forward a little to caress her cheek, trying to establish visual connection before speaking.

"You know I admire you? I mean for real, can't believe how strong you are sometimes. The things you've been through…" He sighed and gently held her in place feeling that his words were somewhat alarming her. "I know I've been through a lot too love, but the difference is that I had you helping me through it."

"Cal, you have no idea how much I am relying on you for this. I-"

"And I'm happy to hear that Gill, and I'll be right beside you whether you want me or not. What I'm trying to say is…that maybe you don't have to be so strong all the time." He saw a flinch of realisation coming to her face and he was happy about it, he didn't feel like having to spell it out for her. "You have all the right to be nervous and upset, this stuff is heavy and if you feel the need to vent every now and then I think you should do it."

"You want me to freak out?"

She wasn't trying to be funny or confrontational, but was simply looking for a clear and direct message that would put both of them out of the misery of that awkward conversation.

"I just want you to know that if you want to throw something against the wall, or come with me to the shooting range for some unconventional therapy then all you have to do is ask," he explained. "There's enough going on as it is and sometimes letting things get to you is not all that bad."

To Cal's fleeting disappointment, Gillian pulled back. She did it slowly and methodically, moving her body first and her head last to maintain the contact of his hand on her face as long as possible, but eventually sat back on the seat with her head tilted back and her eyes closed, taking in a long deep breath before following Cal's advice and letting herself go in a silent and quiet passing meltdown under his watchful eye, before opening her eyes again and looking at him with a sincere yet puzzling smile.

About the halfway point here…how would we feel about another story after this one? (Not a sequel, just a different one)