The day Meg and Zach arrived on the Couples in the Wild set, she was immediately hit with two realizations:
This was not glamping.
She was going to kill Zach.
"Where's the Wi-Fi?" Zach asked the crew, holding up his phone like a lost tourist.
"No Wi-Fi," a grizzled producer said. "You're here to bond, not stream."
Zach gasped as if someone had told him kombucha was banned. "But my followers—"
"No one cares about your followers, pretty boy," the producer snapped.
Meg couldn't help but laugh.
The Challenge
Their first task as a couple was to build a shelter using only the supplies provided: a tarp, some rope, and a pile of twigs.
"This is easy," Zach said, confidently tying the rope into something that looked suspiciously like a shoelace knot.
"Are you sure about that?" Meg asked, watching the tarp sag like a deflated balloon.
"Trust the process," Zach said, stepping back to admire his handiwork.
Moments later, the entire structure collapsed.
"I think the process is broken," Meg deadpanned.
Dinner Drama
By the time night fell, Meg was starving. The producers had generously provided them with a fishing pole, but Zach was too busy filming fake survival tutorials to help.
"Hey, guys! Zach Flux here, teaching you how to survive in the wild with nothing but your wits and killer vibes," he said, posing dramatically next to a bush.
"Zach, for the love of God, catch a fish," Meg snapped.
"Relax, babe. Nature provides."
Nature provided nothing. They ended up eating plain granola bars, which Meg rationed like a prison warden while Zach complained about his carb intake.
The Other Couples
The next morning, Meg and Zach met the other contestants:
A fitness influencer couple who treated the jungle like an outdoor gym.
A retired magician and his wife, who kept arguing about card tricks.
A goth couple who seemed genuinely thrilled by the possibility of dying in the wild.
Meg immediately befriended the goth girl, Raven, who had an encyclopedic knowledge of edible plants. Meanwhile, Zach tried to bond with the magician by asking, "Can you make this tarp into a Wi-Fi signal?"
The Final Straw
The breaking point came during a group challenge to build a raft. Zach, determined to be the hero, insisted on leading the team.
"Guys, trust me. I once made a raft in Minecraft," he said confidently.
The raft sank within seconds of hitting the water.
As they swam back to shore, Meg glared at Zach. "If we die out here, I'm haunting you forever."
Surprise Elimination
At the end of the week, the producers gathered everyone for the first elimination.
"Zach and Meg," the host announced. "Your shelter collapsed, you caught zero fish, and your raft was a disaster. But… the audience loves you. You're safe!"
Meg's jaw dropped. "What?"
"Turns out, viewers find you two hilarious," the host said. "Congrats. You're fan favorites."
As the other couples applauded, Meg couldn't decide whether to be flattered or insulted.
Zach grinned, throwing an arm around her. "Told you we're iconic."
Meg sighed. Fame, as always, was a double-edged sword.