Jade didn't move from her spot, not even when the minutes dragged on and the sounds of the performance outside began to fade into the distance. She just sat there, her fingers tightly wrapped around the small bag, heart pounding in her chest. The events that had unfolded felt like they were spiraling out of control, and yet, all she could do was wait.
When the door finally opened and Cat walked in, barley inside before she collapsed against the wall, exhaustion written all over her face. She closed her eyes for a moment, her shoulders hunched as if the weight of the entire show—and the night—was too much to bear. But Jade wasn't concerned about the performance right now. She wasn't concerned about the fact that Cat had made it through another show despite everything that was happening. No, right now, she had one question, and she couldn't hold it in any longer.
"If I wasn't in here," Jade began, her voice sharp but low, "would you have done it?"
Cat froze. For a moment, she didn't move, didn't speak, just stood there with her eyes wide in disbelief. She hadn't expected this. It wasn't the type of question she had been prepared for. Jade didn't even have to ask again for her to know what she meant.
"Could you just give me a second to breathe-"
That wasn't an answer, Jade cut her off her words bitter with frustration. "So, it's true then? You would have done it," Jade's voice cracked, a mix of disbelief and hurt seeping through. "Even after everything, after the promises you've made, you were just going to do it anyway."
"I didn't mean for it to go this far," Cat finally said, her voice softer, almost apologetic. She stepped closer to Jade, but Jade wasn't ready to let her near. "I'm just… tired, Jade. So tired. I thought it would help, it did help. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't know how to push through it without—"
Jade cut her off, her voice rising in frustration. "Tired? Cat, you've been telling me how tired you are for weeks! This isn't just about being tired! This is about you losing yourself in all of this. You can't keep doing this. You're burning out. You need to stop touring. You're not okay. And if you keep going like this, you'll end up breaking."
Cat shook her head vigorously, a mix of panic and defiance in her eyes. "I can't, Jade. I can't just quit. There's too much at stake. I can't just walk away from this, not now, not after everything I've put into it. I can't throw it all away because I'm tired. I can't."
Jade stood up, her frustration boiling over. She couldn't understand why Cat couldn't see it. "But Cat, that's exactly it! You're not just tired anymore. You're exhausted. You're breaking, and I can't just sit here and watch you do this to yourself. If you don't stop now, if you keep pushing like this, you won't have anything left. And then what? What's going to be left after this tour is over, after you've given everything and have nothing left to give?"
Her words hung in the air for a second and Cat just took a deep breath. Her exhaustion had turned into frustration, and Jade could see it—see the tightness in her jaw and the sharpness in her eyes. There was something else beneath it, too. Something darker, something she had only thought before but not said. "You're acting like this is all my choice- my fault. Like I'm the one who chose this life. But you were the one who pushed me into it."
Jade froze, her mouth slightly open as she processed the words. Cat's accusation hit her like a punch to the gut. She had no idea where this was coming from—she'd only ever wanted what was best for Cat, what was healthy for her. But Cat's face was hard now, and there was a coldness in her voice that Jade hadn't expected.
"You, Andre… you were the ones who told me to do it," Cat continued, her words gaining momentum, her voice rising with frustration. "You told me it would be good for me, that I could be more than just the girl in the background. You told me to go for music. And now, when everything's falling apart, you act like it's all my fault."
Jade felt like the air had been sucked out of her lungs. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She wanted to tell Cat that she hadn't meant for any of this to happen, that it wasn't supposed to turn out like this, but Cat wasn't finished.
"You act like I'm the one who lost sight of what was important," Cat continued, her voice cracking now, raw with emotion. "But you know what, Jade? It wasn't my dream. It wasn't my plan. I was happy going to college for fashion. I wanted to live in New York with you. To design costumes and outfits. But you and Andre—" She let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow. "You told me I could be a star. You told me I could be something bigger than what I ever thought was possible. And now look where I am."
Jade's chest tightened, her throat constricting as the weight of Cat's words sank in. She hadn't realised how deeply Cat had felt pushed into this path, how much of a sacrifice it had felt like from the very start. All this time, Jade had believed that Cat was living her dream, following the path of her own making, but now... now it seemed like that was never the case.
Cat was pacing now, unable to stay still, her voice shaking with the intensity of everything she was feeling. "I never wanted this."
The room was heavy with tension, and Jade could barely hold her ground. She felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath her. "Cat, I—" Jade started, her voice unsteady, but Cat wasn't listening.
"And also-" She continued, she was on a blind rampage with her words now. Getting out months of built up tension. Jade may have had people to rant to all this time, but Cat had had no one. Just her therapist who wasn't helping very much at all it felt. "I'm not my brother, either." Cat started, the words cutting through the air like a sharp blade. "Don't try to make me out to be some kind of addict! Don't even compare me to Matteo! I didn't ask for this life, and I didn't ask for you to push me into something I didn't even want. This is your fault too."
Jade felt the sting of those words. She didn't want to be the person responsible for Cat's pain, for her confusion. But somehow, in this moment, she couldn't escape the reality of it. Cat's anger was justified. Jade had been so caught up in wanting to see Cat succeed, in wanting to push her beyond her comfort zone, that she hadn't stopped to ask what Cat actually wanted.
"I didn't mean for it to be like this," Jade said, her voice quieter now, but still firm with guilt.
Cat's eyes softened for a brief moment, a flicker of something that resembled hurt more than anger. But then she turned away, her body still tense. She was still fighting with herself, trying to hold onto some sense of control over the chaos in her life.
"Well I can't stop now," Cat muttered, her voice low and almost defeated. "There's too much at stake. People are counting on me. If I just stop now, everything will fall apart. I can't... I can't do that to them."
Jade swallowed hard, feeling the weight of Cat's words hit her. She didn't know how to fix this. Didn't know how to make Cat see that she didn't have to keep going, that she didn't have to keep sacrificing herself for a dream that wasn't even hers.
"Then what do you want me to do?" Jade asked, her voice barely a whisper, filled with the frustration of not knowing how to help. "What do you want me to say?"
Cat turned back to her, and there was a hardness in her eyes now, a look Jade had seen too many times before when Cat was trying to shut her out.
"Nothing," Cat said softly. "There's nothing you can do. I've made my choice. And now I have to live with it." And after a moment of pause in the air, she added. "So I think you should go."
Jade's breath caught in her throat, the words hitting her harder than she expected. She stood frozen in place, unsure if she had heard Cat correctly.
"I think you should go," Cat repeated, her voice barely above a whisper, but the weight of it felt like a heavy chain pulling Jade down.
Jade blinked, a rush of emotions flooding her all at once—confusion, hurt, disbelief. She had just fought for hours, trying to understand, to make Cat see that she couldn't keep going like this. And now, Cat was asking her to leave?
"I don't—" Jade started, but her voice faltered. The words were caught in her throat. She wanted to argue, to fight against this decision, but something in Cat's expression stopped her.
Cat was standing with her back to Jade. She didn't look at her, didn't make any attempt to turn around, and that silence… that silence was worse than any harsh words.
"You shouldn't be here." Cat continued, her voice sounding so small. "I don't need another layer of stress right now."
Jade felt like the room had grown impossibly small, the air suffocating. She wanted to reach out, to grab Cat, to pull her into an embrace and make everything better, but she couldn't. Cat was shutting her out, and no amount of pleading could change that.
"I don't understand," Jade whispered, her voice breaking.
Cat didn't respond right away. She stood still, her shoulders hunched, the silence stretching between them like a vast, uncrossable distance. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Cat spoke again, quieter this time.
"And I don't have the time to teach you how to, Jade. You're just making it harder."
Jade's chest tightened with the realisation that no matter how much she cared, no matter how much she wanted to help, there was nothing she could do. Cat needed to be alone.
A continuous theme in Jade's life suddenly felt amplified, she felt powerless. Helpless. Her heart ached at the thought of walking away, of leaving Cat in this state, but she didn't see any other choice.
"I… okay," Jade whispered, her voice barely audible. She felt the sting of her own tears, but she couldn't allow herself to cry. Not now. Not when Cat needed her to be strong.
Jade took a step back, her feet dragging as if the weight of the moment was pulling her down. She wanted to say more, to fix this, but she knew it wasn't the time. Maybe there never would be a perfect time.
With one last glance at Cat, Jade slowly turned and left the room. As she walked away, a part of her wished she could just stay, push through the walls Cat was putting up, and make everything okay. But she knew she couldn't. Not now.
And as she stepped into the hallway, the door closing behind her with a soft click, Jade couldn't shake the feeling that something had broken between them. Something that might never be fixed.