Behold our newest trope. One that bothers the ever dying death out of us. When an author adds in a self-insert OC to their story, most of the time (all of the time) they make them overpowered and use in-universe knowledge that the only the reader could possibly know as if it were obvious. This one is almost too easy. It practically writes itself. However, due to the fact that we must be original, we've devised a less copycat method for this one.

Enjoy The Super Wizard…

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Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark approached the Hogwarts express. He always knew he was special. Ever since his mother gave him the Secret Special Magical Family Amulet that held all of their ancestor's magic. Without it, Tonybruce may not have survived that night. The night that Grindelwald came knocking. He snuck in during the darkest night of the year because the dark wizard knew that he could never defeat Tony Bruce's mom, Mary Sue Wayne-Stark, descendant of Hecate and Oberon, the Fae King, if she had been awake to fight back. Everything was flame and destruction, but with the Amulet, Tonybruce survived.

Now, ten years after that night. Ten years of training in the Himalayas with the spirits of his ancestors. 45 years after the defeat of Grindelwald.

Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark was going to Hogwarts for his first year.

His trip through Diagon Alley was uneventful, he discovered that he was too powerful for a wand, and would have to make due with his wandless magic while Ollivander searched for Yggdrasil wood and the dragon god's ankle tendon for a wand suitable enough for Tonybruce.

He passed by a trio of other eleven year olds as he looked for an open compartment. They were an odd bunch, one of them had a horrific facial scar on his forehead, another had enormous buck teeth, and the last one was a ginger. The ginger had a rat animagus sitting on his lap.

What!? Tonybruce thought. How does he not notice that the rat is an animagus!? It's so obvious! And it's missing a finger! Wasn't the only piece they found of Peter Pettigrew also a finger? That rat must be Peter Pettigrew! Which means that Sirius Black must be innocent! Which also means that Sirius Black was never a supporter of Voldemort! And that he must have never been the Potter's secret keeper at all! There must have been a switch! This is all Dumbledore' fault! Why didn't he make sure that Sirius had a trial? He had to have known about it the whole time! Maybe he just wanted to make sure that Harry would obey him!

"Earth to weirdo," Ron said. "You've been staring at us for the past ten minutes."

Tonybruce raised his hands and before any of the three could stop him, he brought them down with a shriek. "ANIMAGUS REVERSAL SPELL!"

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Not even sorted yet and I've already ousted a death eater and freed an innocent man. Tonybruce thought as he waited in line to be sorted. And I haven't even been sorted yet. Not bad.

"Potter, Harry," came the elderly woman's voice.

"That's Harry Potter?" Tonybruce asked. "But he's so weak. He's the one who defeated Voldemort?"

All of the halfbloods and purebloods around him flinched and some glared at him hatefully.

"Oh calm down," Tonybruce said, rolling his eyes. "Fear of a name only increases fear of the person themselves. Trademarked, Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark."

That has got to be the most bravest person I have ever seen, all the girls in the room thought.

"That's got to be the stupidest name I've ever heard," Ron exclaimed.

"Says the guy named after the ugliest rodent in the entire rodent family, Ronald Billius Weasley," Tonybruce stated confidently.

Hermione swooned in her seat across the room. Ginny swooned in her house across the UK.

Tonybruce smirked.

"How do you know my name?" Ron asked, a little frightened.

"Isn't it obvious?" Tonybruce scoffed.

"Wayne-Stark, Tonybruce," the elderly cat Animagus announced.

He strutted to the little stool and snatched the hat out of her hand to place atop his head.

Oh, my. The hat spoke into his head.

The sorting hat speaks telepathically as well as aloud I see. Tonybruce thought.

Yes yes, the hat said distractedly. It is just that you are by far the most intelligent student I have ever had the pleasure of sorting. Your bravery and resilience is second to none, your loyalty and hardworking nature is unmatched, and your ambition and cunning are both without equal.

Yes yes, Tonybruce scoffed mentally. That goes without saying. I want to go to Hogwarts.

But, you are in Hogwarts, little one, the hat said, amused.

You know that's not what I mean, Tonybruce thought back. I was told about the secret house and you're going to put me there or m I'm going to see how quickly millennia old cloth burns.

No need to be so rude about it, the hat gruffly told him. I was going to sort you there anyway. You're the perfect fit for Hogwarts House, and I hope you do your house proud.

"HOGWARTS!" The hat shouted.

The staff froze in astonishment. Nobody had been sorted into the secretive Hogwarts House since Mary Sue Wayne fifty-eight years ago. A shame she had graduated before the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. She could easily have stopped it. The students broke into hushed and confused whispers.

"SIIIIIILEEEENCE!" Dumbledore shrieked calmly flapping his arms up and down like a seagull and shooting firecrackers at the rowdier students.

Once everyone had settled down, the headmaster spoke aloud so everyone could hear him. "Hogwarts house is a secret house that only a very select few can enter. It was created by the founders in the event that a student was too perfect at everything to go to any single house. However, since we lost the secret to finding the common room for that house, Tonybruce Wayne-Stark will be staying in the Gryffindor dormitories as per tradition."

The once whispers turned into roaring conversation.

"SIIIIIILEEEENCE!" Dumbledore shrieked calmly flapping his arms up and down like a seagull and shooting firecrackers at the rowdier students.

Once the louder students were sufficiently stunned, Dumbledore continued. "We will bring out the Hogwarts point tracker and restart the Hogwarts quidditch team. As per tradition, anyone from any house are permitted to try out and join so long as the Captain permits it. Since there is only one student in Hogwarts house this year, Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark will have to take on the roles of Quidditch Captain and Prefect for his House."

Tonybruce moved to sit with the Gryffindors, several making room for him to sit.

The sorting was finished shortly with the Weasel kid also going to Gryffindor and some other extras going to other houses.

Dumbledore said something insane and the feast began.

"I suppose you think you're clever," a voice said from behind Tonybruce. "You probably think you're better than everyone else, don't you?"

He turned around to see a ferret-looking, sickly, blond kid sneering at him, a pair of young gorillas in ill-fitting human costumes standing behind him, trying to look threatening.

"Ooh ooh," the stumpy one said.

"Aah aah," the taller one said.

Or maybe that was just how they sounded to Tonybruce.

"Of course now," he replied sagely to the sickly boy's question. "I'm no better than any other person. We're all equal. No life is more important than another's."

"That's absurd," Hermione frowned from her seat, ten feet away. "Some people are more important than others. A general's life is worth more than a soldier's because if he dies, his soldiers die."

"But if the soldiers die, nothing stops the general from dying immediately after," Tonybruce smirked back.

"Well, now you're talking about an entire army's worth of soldiers compared to a single General," Hermione said. "That's completely different."

Tonybruce shook his head, smirking still. "Don't be pedantic. Just because someone shows up who's smarter than you, you immediately get jealous and aggressive."

Hermione was so shocked by his completely accurate response that she sat there, opening and closing her mouth with no sound coming out.

"Hey," Harry intervened. "That's not true at all. You're just a jerk!"

"I'm the jerk?" Tonybruce scoffed. "You're the one who's prejudiced against Slytherins. You've already made them enemies without even trying to reach out to them. I mean, can you even imagine how they must've been raised? They're all raised by death eaters."

Draco frowned. This wasn't going at all like he envisioned and he had the vague feeling he had just been insulted.

"That's enough," Ron interrupted. "Harry did not do anything, Malfoy's the one who started insulting people!"

Malfoy sneered but before he could speak, Tonybruce was at it again.

"Oh, here comes the bootlicker," he sneered. "Sucking up to the Boy Who Lived already? You're so pathetic, I can imagine how jealous and miserable you'll be if he ever becomes too famous for your liking."

Ron just stared at him in confusion. That was definitely an insult, but this fellow seemed too powerful to make an enemy of. And he didn't fully understand what in the world he was talking about. He was only eleven after all.

"I'm done with you narrow-minded bigots," Tonybruce said letting loose a pulse of magic that nearly shoved everyone over.

After that, Malfoy and his goons left and everyone left him alone.

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The next few weeks had Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark memorizing the entire layout of the castle and uncovering the secret of the Philosopher's stone behind the pathetic traps laid out by the teachers.

Really? An enormous and violent Cerberus? Child's play. Any eleven year old could've gotten past it. Devil's snare? Only lethal to complete morons. The flying keys? Pshaw, any flying prodigy with the eye of an eagle would be able to get the right one. The chess board? Any chess prodigy could've figured that one out. The huge mountain troll? Only took a few killing curses to take down, simple as can be. The potion puzzle? Easy as pie for anyone considered the brightest wizard of his age. And the mirror? Well, actually he couldn't figure out the mirror, but that didn't matter, he solved the mystery.

Tonybruce couldn't believe how easy and simple the traps were. There were only SIX ways for someone to die a horrible death. Clearly this was meant for first years to be able to get past.

Eventually, the day came for his first Potion's class. His schedule informed him that he would be taking it at the same time as the Gryffindors and Slytherins.

He entered class early because he was very smart and managed to memorize the entire castle layout.

When the three Gryffindor bullies who tried attacking him at the feast entered late and lost points, Tonybruce smirked. As prefect he had the ability to take away points from other houses and had been slowly whittling away at the Gryffindor points every time he saw one of them.

"Mister Wayne-Stark," Professor Snape snapped. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"The draught of living death," Tonybruce smirked, having memorized the castle layout, his books were practically nothing.

Snape wasn't done though. "Where do you find me a bezoar?"

"In the stomach of a goat," Tonybruce told him. "Come on, give me a hard one. These are only fifth year questions."

"Twenty points from Hogwarts for your cheek," Professor Snape snapped. "What is the difference between Wolfsbane and Monkshood?"

"Other than their name?" Tonybruce asked. "Nothing. And it's also called Aconite."

Professor Snape was taken aback and Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark pressed his advantage.

"Tell me, Professor," he sneered. "What would I get if I mixed vinegar with bleach?"

The potion master glanced at the Slytherin students. If he answered that question, his heritage would be known and they would lose respect for him.

"Enough of your nonsense, Wayne-Stark," he scowled, swiping his hand. "Twenty more points from Hogwarts for wasting class time."

Tonybruce jumped onto his desk. "I saw under your sleeve when you swiped your hand! You have a dark mark! You're a death eater!"

Professor Snape stared at him in horror. How had he SEEN that?

"Avada Kedavra!" Tonybruce shouted, shooting sickly green curses from his fingers.

A duel followed with both combatants fighting for their lives, but the end was inevitable. Only one of the two were a master wizard.

Snape fell to the floor, dead.

The students fled.

Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark smirked. Another job well done.

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"Ignoring the fact that you somehow know, and are capable of casting the killing curse," Dumbledore said, folding his hands in front of him on his desk. "You are in serious trouble for the murder of Severus Snape and the casting of an Unforgivable Curse."

"Oh, give me a break," Tonybruce said casually, leaning back in his seat. "It was life or death."

"The casting of an unforgivable curse in inexcusable," Dumbledore told him firmly. "The Ministry wants you in Azkaban. The minimum sentence for using a spell as dark as an Unforgivable Curse is life imprisonment."

"You wizards just want control," Tonybruce sneered. "So you label spells you don't like as dark! Tell me, what's the definition of dark magic? A Diffindo spell can kill too."

"Not only are you too young to be learning Diffindo, but you are very wrong. Dark magic describes a spell with the express purpose of harming others," Dumbledore said without hesitation. "The unforgivable curses cannot be used in any other manner then to cause harm, just like all dark magic."

"Oh yeah?" Tonybruce challenged. "What about the Imperius curse? How does that hurt somebody?"

"If you know so much," Dumbledore said sadly. "Then why must I describe to you the negative affects that the Imperius Curse can have on a person's psyche?"

"Whatever," Tonybruce scowled. "Snape was a death eater. He couldn't just be pardoned!"

As he finished, he unleashed a wave of magic that shook the entire office. He glared at Dumbledore, daring him to try something with the fancy wand he had in his robes.

"I never thought about it like that," Dumbledore said shakily.

Nothing else needing to be said, Tonybruce smirked and stood up from his seat. He turned to leave but before he went down the stairs, he added. "Behave."

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When he sat down at his seat in Defense Against the Dark Arts, he was met with stares of horror. Despite how much the Gryffindors loathed Snape, they were eleven. It was horrifying moment for each of them and would haunt them for the rest of their lives.

Tonybruce rolled his eyes. It was only the death of one man. What were they so freaked out about?

Professor Quirrel stuttered through the lesson as usual. It was around halfway through when Tonybruce noticed that Quirrel was hiding the Dark Lord Voldemort on the back of his head, underneath the turban. He could've smacked himself. It was SO OBVIOUS!

"Accio Turban!" He declared, summoning Quirrel's headpiece to his hand.

"We don't learn the summoning charm until fourth year," Hermione said, confused. "In First year, people aren't powerful enough to cast it."

"I'm not people," Tonybruce said smugly.

Then the screams started.

A horrific face sat on the back of Professor Quirrel's shiny head. A beam of light struck it from the window where it then flashed across the room as the man turned around, startled.

"My turban!" He growled dangerously.

"Kill the boy!" Voldemort declared. "Potter is no longer the threat! Kill everyone in the room!"

The doors locked as Quirrel stretched out his hand, barring exit to the students.

"I'm not locked in here with you," Tonybruce said confidently. "You're locked in here with me!"

"We are both locked in here," Voldemort said. "You FOOL! Avada Kedavra!"

Tonybruce, who had been expecting it, stretched out his hand and used an overpowered Finite to negate the curse.

"Wadda fuq, bro?" Voldemort asked.

"Ancestors help me!" Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark exclaimed.

Suddenly, the spirits of all of his ancestors, god, demigod, fae, or other, gathered to him, boosting his power.

"ANIMA UNA, CALVITIUM!" He shouted.

(Soul together, baldy)

Voldemort shrieked as all the fragments of his soul shot back to him and rejoined very painfully.

When the pain stopped, he was in a new body and Quirrel was on the floor, dead.

Before Voldemort could gather his wits, Tonybruce, cast one last spell.

"YOUR BALD FUTURE IS AS BRIGHT AS YOUR BALD HEAD!"

With that, the eleven year old child vanished Voldemort from existence.

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Exposed a death eater, freed an innocent man, killed another death eater, exposed the ministry for unlawfully trying to control people by banning "dark magic", killed Voldemort, and rediscovered the secret Hogwarts house common room which sits at the very top of Hogwarts highest secret tower. Tonybruce Odinzeus Wayne-Stark thought to himself as he walked up the stairs to the hidden tower. And all before October. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Having just left the "Voldemort's Gone" party, Tonybruce was exhausted. Especially after all of his fans had mobbed him and he had signed off on several business ventures, because what eleven year old wasn't an expert entrepreneur? Then he befriended the goblin nation and promised to give them wizard magic in exchange for their undying loyalty which everyone knew was akin to the oaths of fealty of the medieval knights of Great Britain. Then he regained his ancestral vaults and inheritance that his mother was never able to give him on account of her untimely death.

All in all, a good morning.

So tired was he, that he almost missed Peeves giggling from a corner of the ceiling.

"Peeves," Tonybruce said in a warning voice. "Don't make me teach you another lesson."

"Don't worry, Tony Woney Brucey Wucey," Peeves taunted. "I'll leave, heheheheheh!"

The chuckling irked Tonybruce, so he vanished Peeves.

As the poltergeists final screams echoed throughout the halls, Tonybruce reached the top step.

"Waaaaagh!" Tonybruce screamed as his foot slipped out from under him and he tumbled backwards down the staircase. Ten minutes of falling later, he managed to grab ahold of a corner, but his velocity was too great and he fell over the side.

He tried to get off a momentum canceling spell, but got clocked in the face by a flying candle and was too stunned to do anything by the time the floor met him.

By the time someone bothered to check on him, ten days later, Tonybruce's body was badly decomposed due to the warping magic energies around the hidden tower. He was tossed into the lake for something to eat and quickly forgotten.

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Authors' Notes:

Forsooth: BAM! All the self-insert tropes compiled into one story!

Conquest: To be fair, some make it work, most… most don't.

Forsooth: to be fair, we're the only ones that make it work at all.

Conquest: to YOUR knowledge. I've found some that work.

Forsooth: fine.

Sirius Black: so…when are you going to wrote that story?

Conquest: which one? The one where you and Amelia Bones get together?

Sirius Black: well, if you want to hear how and why I'm here, you'll have to cough up that story.

Conquest: fine, fine, fine. Did you want us to add it into Too Many Twins or a one shot?

Forsooth: or did you want it in our up and coming story, Souls and Wires (shameless plug)?

Sirius Black: Do I die in either of those stories?

Conquest: *looks at Forsooth*

Forsooth: *looks at Conquest*

Forsoothandconquest: no.

Sirius Black: I'll take the one shot, thank you.

Forsooth: DEAL!

Sirius Black: wait, I won't die in the one shot will I?

Conquest: and that's it for authors' notes! Read and review! You don't have a choice! Btw, we thank you for the reviews so far! They're quite enjoyable to read!