Day 27: Tears and touches
Hinata was surprised at how easily Sasuke had accepted to listen to her.
Not that she had expected him to ghost her for weeks, making her crawl for the chance to explain herself to him… or maybe she did a little… but still, it was surprising.
They were walking in the direction of the Uchiha district. Hinata had wanted a private place to have their conversation but Sasuke had declined any of the training grounds, claiming he didn't want Kakashi to pester him if he found him. Although Hinata would have preferred another place where the chances of his family finding them were lower, she didn't want to upset him before they could clear things between them, and so she had followed him without complain.
She looked at his back as they walked, staying a few steps behind him. He was tense, fists closed at his sides and shoulders a little slumped forward. He looked ready for a fight, but Hinata didn't want to give him one. On the contrary, that was the very last thing she desired out of this encounter.
They entered the Uchiha district in complete silence. A few people looked at them and greeted them, but they didn't stop for anyone until they were back at that desolated warehouse where she had first confessed the truth to him. Hinata gulped nervously, pressing her hands together as Sasuke opened the door to the warehouse and entered first, looking back when she didn't follow him immediately.
She quickly did so.
"Alright" he said, stopping in the middle of the empty space. The chair where Itachi had been chained up back then wasn't there anymore. Hinata didn't know why she focused on that detail at all. "You wanted to tell me your reasons? Do it" he ordered, crossing his arms.
Hinata pursed her lips.
In truth, she hadn't really been thinking when she asked him to hear her out. She had used the words in love but what she meant to say was like. Because… because love sounded like too big a word, no? Even when it came to Naruto she hadn't felt so strongly for, and she should know better than to say things that could later be misinterpreted and…
…and she was blushing madly, because she had actually said allow me to tell you all the reasons I fell in love with you.
What was wrong with her?!
"Oi, are you gonna talk or not?" Sasuke asked, frowning, looking very much fed up with her even though it hadn't been more than a minute at most. Hinata quickly composed herself.
"I… yes, just… just looking for the words…" she twirled her thumbs, eyes swimming. She hadn't actually had anything prepared beforehand, because she was sure Sasuke would deny her at first and she would have to keep trying to get his attention… the fact he so quickly decided to listen to her was really making everything worse for her!
Sasuke's eyebrows started twitching, and she knew in that moment she had to speak, say anything that came to mind.
"I like that you see me."
The boy widened his eyes, his mouth falling open. "I… see you?"
"At first, I decided not to correct your misconception of the love letter because I thought you would get bored of me soon" she said, eyes downward and fingers playing with each other. "I felt… I felt bad denying you, I guess…"
"…you felt bad denying me…" he mimicked, voice sour. Hinata gulped.
"It wasn't because I thought you liked me or anything!" she hurried to clarify. "But… the words you said back then, about being seen… I didn't want to tell you the letter wasn't for you because I understood all too well what is like never being acknowledged by yourself rather than because of who your family is" she chanced a glance up, finding Sasuke still frowning at her, but his body less tense than before, even if it wasn't completely relaxed.
"Ino and Sakura told me the reason you accepted me must be because you liked me… but I never really believed it, even if at times I had my doubts" she confessed, face starting to burn. She had decided that she would be completely honest, but as expected, it was still embarrassing recalling all the little details of what she thought and felt at the moment. More so saying them out loud. "Despite that, you were always attentive and trying your best. You saw me, something not many people have in my life, even those of my own family… I liked that."
He kept frowning at her, not uttering a word. Hinata felt even more embarrassed and pressured, so she kept on talking, not even sure of what she was saying at times.
"You made an effort to get to know me and to make our relationship work. I liked that, because it made me feel special. But then, you're always like that. Whether it comes to training, bettering yourself as a ninja or just make your girlfriend feel at ease… you always pour your all into everything you do. Your determination and drive to get the things you want done… it's admirable. I really, really like that."
Silence followed her declaration. Hinata maintained her eyes on the floor, feeling as if she was standing in front a judge, waiting for the verdict that would define her fate.
Sasuke didn't speak though, and after a while, Hinata got curious enough that it overwrote her fear. She glanced up, ready to ask him if he was alright, but before she could do so, he suddenly moved away, a hand rising to cover his face as his whole posture finally seemed to deflate.
He sighed deeply. "My determination and drive…?" he laughed humorlessly. "Isn't this just the same shit you wrote on the letter for Naruto? Why the hell are you just blabbering over this again, huh?"
Hinata frowned, feeling a prick in her chest, both from annoyance as well as hurt. And what was the problem if what attracted her to him was the same that first attracted her to Naruto? She had a type, ok! No need to be such a meanie about it!
"What… what about it?" she asked, clenching her fists. "This is the truth, Sasuke-kun, and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with Naruto-kun."
"Why are you saying his name again" he hissed, lowering his hand and glaring at her. Hinata pursed her lips.
"You're the one that talked about him first! I am here, trying to tell you sincerely that I like you, and yet you…!"
"Then you could be a little more imaginative instead of simply repeating the same things you said you liked about the idiot!" he interrupted, actually stomping his foot on the ground in his anger. Hinata gasped. "How do you want me to believe you when you can't even come up with something different? Something that's just me and no one else!"
"But it's just you!" she shouted as well, surprising herself. Sasuke took a step back, shocked by her outburst as well, but once she started, she couldn't stop. "Why do you not believe me? That I like you as you are, because you see me, you care about me, more than anyone else has ever done? In those moments when I didn't understand why anyone would want me, you were there, acting as if it was natural to do so! You praised me and were genuinely in awe of me! How do you want me not to fall in love with you when you behave like that with me? When you make me feel wanted and treasured?"
She stopped a moment to take a breath, in that single second most of her courage fleeing and the realization of what she just said starting to set in. But before it could do so completely and she withdrew into herself again, she closed her eyes, and made herself continue.
"And you as well… you might find it embarrassing that I think so, but it's very endearing whenever you become determined… yes, it's the same thing that attracted me to Naruto-kun, but what you don't realize is that it's so much different from that as well. I never talked to Naruto-kun, never saw more than what he allowed the world, but with you… I know you Sasuke-kun. I see you. I know that you aren't as cool as everyone thinks, and that you have your weird side too. And all of that… I like all of that, because it makes you feel all that much closer to me…"
She bit her lower lip, her vision becoming foggy. Why was she even beginning to cry for? How ridiculous.
And yet… she couldn't stop it. She couldn't stop the flow of emotions suddenly wracking through her. She felt vulnerable and exposed and… she pulled her head down, hands clenched in front of her chest as she desperately tried to hold the tears at bay, even as she felt one rolling down her cheek…
A hand on her shoulder had her gasp in surprise, her head springing forward.
Sasuke was standing there, face turned away with an awkward expression on it. Most notoriously, he was blushing from the tips of his ears to the collar of his shirt. It was the reddest she had ever seen him.
"Don't cry, damn it" he said, eyes fixed on the wall across from them. "I get it, so don't… don't cry."
Still without looking at her, he raised the hand he had on her shoulder and brought it to her head, where he patted her hair in a stiff motion. Hinata could only stare, mouth hanging open and a blush that could likely rival his own burning through her skin.
This was… this…
"…Sasuke-kun?"
"I know I told you to say something different but… damn" he suddenly pulled away, taking two steps back and turning around. "You could… you could moderate yourself a little, don't you think?!"
He mussed his hair, hunching forward. The last question had come out a little high-pitched, causing Hinata to be even more surprised.
When she opened her mouth, her words came out stuttered. "Y-You asked me to…!"
"You didn't have to be so… thorough…" he started strong, only for his voice to become smaller at the end. Hinata pouted.
"Well, that's how I feel" she said, feeling tired all of a sudden. The whole exchange, though short, had taken practically all the energy out of her body. "I have told you how I feel… so I want to hear how you feel, too."
As soon as those words were out of her mouth, Sasuke stiffened.
"I…" he said, uneasiness dripping from his voice. Hinata felt a churning in her stomach at that.
Truthfully speaking, she still didn't believe Sasuke actually liked her. He held affection for her, surely, but liking her romantically? Maybe that was a little too much to ask for. Regardless, if there was a way to change that, Hinata wanted to try it. She wanted to try and get Sasuke to like her as she liked him.
She decided not to push him too much just yet.
"That's alright, Sasuke-kun, sorry for asking you all of a sudden after dumping so much on you" she said, to which the boy quickly glanced over his shoulder with a look of surprise on his face. She smiled. "If you believe what I said… if you're willing to forgive me for deceiving you… then I have only one favor to ask of you."
"…what favor?" he asked, turning towards her completely. He looked wary, although there were still traces of that stunned surprise from earlier on the contours of his face.
Hinata breathed deeply before bowing. "Please allow me to be your friend! Let's get to know each other better this time, without deceit or uncertainty!"
She remained with her head low, still bowing, waiting for his answer. Hinata knew there was a real possibility Sasuke could say no, asking her once again to step away from his life, this time forever. She could only hope her sincere words had reached him, and that he would react positively instead of antagonistic.
As he took too long to utter a word though, Hinata finally looked up. Her eyes grew wide when she saw him with a hand on his forehead, massaging his temples as if he had a headache.
She couldn't help but ask; "Sasuke-kun?"
"…You want to be my friend?" he said, tone strange. Hinata paused for a second before nodding.
"I… yes, I want us to be friends" she confirmed. Sasuke sighed, shaking his head.
"Why friends though? Shouldn't you ask for… I don't know, me giving you another chance as my g… girlfriend?"
The way he stuttered at the end caught her attention, but she decided not to focus on that. Instead, she answered; "I think it would be better if we didn't… if we didn't start dating immediately again" she blushed at the mere words, her indexes joining once again to poke at each other in a gesture of embarrassment. "As I said, I think it would be better if we… we started over and took our time now, instead of diving right into it like before… what do you think?"
"What do I think? I…" Sasuke lowered his hand, looked at her and opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped at the last second, frowned, and levelled her with a glare full of resentment. Hinata was completely taken aback. What had she done now? "Fine, let's do as you say. Let's first be… friends, and from there we can… see where that leads us" he capitulated even though he still looked ready for a fight.
Hinata didn't quite care because she was just too happy he had accepted. She smiled, as big as a blooming flower, her previous sadness completely forgotten on the face of this one favorable development.
"I look forward to being your friend, Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed, voice sweet as honey.
His answer was a grunt and a roll of the eyes. She took it in stride because she knew, this time, he didn't mean it.