"Are we ready or are we ready?" Ai clapped her hands together. Asking for her own benefit as much as for her children's. A way to hype everyone up to things that probably no one wanted to do.

Four years was a lot to keep a secret. Enough to make even Ai want to think about it, make sure she wasn't screwing up big time. Because, no matter what people said, she had always taken the safety of the twins seriously. She had always followed the idea that everything of and by "Ai" should be kept from the public eye. Away, when it couldn't hurt anyone.

Hikaru had been the exception, from the very beginning. Even if Ai wanted to deny or downplay it. He had always been… A risk she was willing to take.

…

"Are you sure?" Aqua asked while his mother got her thoughts in order, looking at the door behind Ai a thoughtful expression. "There's no one else around to see us, right?"

"Don't worry. Ichigo-san has made this place our fortress, a place where I can be." Even Ai could hear a bit of darkness in her voice while she assured the boy, but it still conveyed the main idea. No matter how heartwarming it sounded, Ai couldn't help hearing the implicit need for her to be surrounded on all fronts.

Dressed in a pretty dress under the lights of the stage. No other Ai existed in anyone's mind.

And yet… What was she doing? For someone that had denied time and again that very same "Ai"? What did she pretend to obtain from some guy that she didn't have anything in common with? Pity? No. That couldn't be. She wasn't that minuscule under all the makeup and star glitter. She might be a born-liar, but she didn't consider herself a born-loser.

It wasn't about needing. Children need their parents, people need food. Ai could survive without Hikigaya.

And yet…

"Sure…" Ruby didn't look very convinced. She slowly walked up to Ai to be picked up. But the way she clung to her mom was more needy than usual, more scared.

Ai closed her eyes, feeling her daughter's small body. Usually, she'd gush over how cute the little girl was. How precious these small moments were. And yet, now, all Ai could feel was the need for protection coming out of the child. The implicit cry for comfort.

Had Hikigaya felt the exact same thing when he embraced Ai? Had he looked down on her? Had he found it cute, or even precious?

Ai didn't pick up Aqua immediately. Instead, she used both hands to embrace Ruby back. Run a finger over her head like Ai herself could still feel if she concentrated in the memories of minutes ago. Trying to put into practice whatever new knowledge she could scrape, trying to be loving in the way she had been shown.

Comfort. Not in the way a bed gives after a day of hard work, or the way thick clothes give during the winter. But in the way human warmth does, in the way a whispered "it's okay" makes you feel.

"Ready?" Ai whispered. She didn't want to insist, but she couldn't guarantee that things wouldn't change if they took too long either. This was a calculated risk, one she had thought about for a bit, but one that needed to be taken with caution all the same.

She wouldn't want to ruin the twins' lives, just like she didn't want to leave them orphaned.

"Mhm…" Ruby still didn't sound convinced, but she didn't feel as resistant to the idea either. It must be extremely scary for a child who had been taught to hide all of her life, Ai could relate. In a way. Because she had been taught time and again that there were horrible, scary things that people could do to her. Way before she met Ichigo-san.

"I'm here with you." Ai assured the girl before turning to Aqua. The boy exchanged a look with his mother, and Ai reached out to him.

"Remember to not display me in full." Aqua murmured as he was picked up. "The trauma won't disappear, he'll still panic. But, with Ruby here, it should be okay…ish."

"Mhm. Thank you, Aqua-sensei." Ai kisses over the boy's head, startling him a bit. "I won't forget it."

Ai turned to face the door, eyeing it like a runner in a straight-lined track would look at the finishing line. Feeling something ugly creep from her stomach into her chest.

She took the first step before she could think about it, before her more logical thoughts could make her stop.

It wasn't about logic; it was about desire.

She was strong enough to have it all, and she wouldn't let herself be too weak to take it.

Ai turned to the side, making Aqua the twin that was covered by her hair and body when she entered Ichigo-san's office. Half-squeezing through the open door, and half just doing it for the sake of the plan. Giving the Hikigaya siblings time to really see what was happening, and for Ai herself to look out for the Hikigaya brother's reaction.

She kicked the door behind herself, breaking the silence and stillness that her entrance created.

"Hey, hey, hey!" The younger Hikigaya kicked her seat away and rushed to her brother's side. Covering him with her body before he could start hyperventilating. A snarl in her voice when she crouched to be in a similar level to him. "Look at me! Look at me."

"Hah…!" The older Hikigaya grabbed his sister's shoulders, visibly shaking and sliding off the seat he'd been in moments before.

"O-Oh… Is he…?" Ichigo-san tried to reach out to the siblings, but the girl ignored him in favor of keeping her attention on her brother.

"C'mon, onii-chan. Stay with me."

"Step back." Aqua murmured while holding Ai's shoulder tighter.

Ah… She'd unwittingly tried to approach, go to Hikigaya's side without realizing.

"But…"

"Step back or drop me." Aqua insisted. "It's me, you can't do anything with me here."

Ai almost released the boy in that moment, but her motherly instincts stopped her just in time.

What was she thinking…? She couldn't do that to her little boy. But she didn't want to keep Hikigaya waiting. She needed to do something, anything… Well, not anything. Because it sounded like things could get even messier if things turned out like that one time. Like in front of the door to her apartment.

With all the blood… The way the color drained from his face…

The way his eyes lost focus, slowly closing… Threatening to never open again…

"Ichigo-san." Ai called out for the man that was still struggling to know what to do. He turned to Ai in a moment's notice, probably wanting to have any input that would give him direction. A clear answer to the problem in front of him. "Hold them, please."

"Eh? What are you—?" His words died out as Ai almost pushed them on him. Her hands were trembling now, and she couldn't feel the expression in her face. She only knew that she felt… Light. Like she could jump all the way to the ceiling and beyond.

She fell down just as easily. Barely taking a couple of steps before having to move on her knees, almost slide to meet Hikigaya.

"I'm here." Her voice trembled, but Ai didn't wholly register the fact. She couldn't have done anything about it either way, feeling her nose clogged with the metallic stench of a bleeding injury that was no longer there. One that did not exist anymore. "I'm here. Just… Just breathe."

Ai forced the other Hikigaya away, almost elbowing her on the face so that she could hug the young man herself. Bury him in an embrace and partially hiding his face with her chest, like he'd done with her before.

"Just breathe. You're fine, I'm here…" Ai couldn't do anything else. Still, she kept whispering against his ear. Kept holding on with her cheek on the top of his head, trying to take in as much of his warmth as she could.

It wasn't disappearing, the office had no blood on its floor or walls. They were at Strawberry Pro's headquarters, not in that hallway, in front of that apartment. It wasn't a lie or an attempt to look away; Ai knew that they had moved on. That they had both made it. Her mind just hadn't caught up, tried to trap her in that moment. And him with her.

Except, they were there for each other. Ai wasn't smelling real blood, and Hikigaya wasn't dying for real. He hadn't met her then, they met afterward. He should be able to make the connection, know that she was there. And, therefore, he wasn't back in that dark place. That he had made it.

"I'm here, you're here. We're not there. Just breathe…"

"That's…" The younger Hikigaya didn't know what to do either. She sounded very lost, but Ai had no business paying attention to her. She held on, waiting, talking. "Just… Just breathe slow…"

"No. Just breathe." Ai snapped, moving one of her arms in the younger Hikigaya's direction to hopefully have her shut up or hit her so she did exactly that. "Slow, quick. Doesn't matter. Just breathe, stay with me."

Ai's heart was beating so fast it hurt, her lungs burned a bit too. But none of that mattered, none of that fully registered in her mind. She wouldn't let her body get in the way of the feelings, however confused they were. She had to go through with this, make it happen. Have it work out in the end.

She did feel when their breathings started matching, however. And she felt like it was the small push that she needed to continue what she was doing.

"Did… Did this happen to someone before?" The younger Hikigaya sounded so lost, so scared, that Ai actually had to regard the girl. Hikigaya's sister looked on the verge of crying, moving her hands like she wanted to take her brother with her, but hesitating or stopping herself midmotion. Looping between reaching out and pulling her hands to her mouth.

"No." Ai returned her face to the top of Hikigaya's head, noticing how hard it had been to discern the other girl's features. She hadn't realized, but Ai's vision had been blurred by something wet and salty. "This is just… The things I wanted to say back then. The things I wanted to not be lies no matter what."

Her right hand found its way to the back of Hikigaya's head and slowly caressed it with slow downward motions. Helped them both slow down, compose their breathing.

Hikigaya was still trembling when he finally released a sigh, but Ai didn't feel completely in charge of her body either. That was fine, that should be enough.

"There. You did well." Ai made her voice sweet. Sweeter, in spite of how small her voice was. Basically whispering only for him to hear. "You're so strong, Hachiman-san."

His hands found her shoulders, but he didn't push her away. Not immediately.

Ai enjoyed the moment for a bit more, before she felt the beginning of his attempt to move.

She released him in the same moment, cutting off the connection while Hikigaya panted a little.

Some of his hairs looked glued to his face, for he had started sweating when all of this happened. Ai herself was sweating buckets, and her eyes burn a little from not cleaning it off before she drops reached them. But she just rubbed them a bit with her thumb. Making sure to keep her eyes on the young man without fail.

He was still looking at the ground, but Ai chose to give him time. Give him the space he needed. Lest he unwittingly looked up to where Aqua was and this episode started anew.

"Ho…Hoshino…" He looked up, and his vision fell squarely on her. No doubt about it.

"I'm here. We're here." Ai tried to give him a reassuring smile, but she couldn't quite tell if she succeeded. She couldn't feel her own face that well, and his eyes didn't really reflect her form well enough. They were too small. "This is Strawberry Pro. Okay?"

He opened his mouth for a moment, expression twisting into some kind of defensive emotion. But it died down almost as quickly as it appeared.

"…Okay." Ah, he understood her. How amazing was that? When had it become that easy? Was it because what they were sharing was pain?

Had it been like this with Hikaru? What a strange sensation. She felt… Empty. But not in a bad way. Serene… No, that wasn't quite the word. The pain had left, and it left an empty space behind. But… But she was able to appreciate that nothing was there anymore. Like someone that enjoys spicy food letting out a sigh of relief when their mouth is no longer on fire.

She wanted to kiss him so badly that it made her feel even more light-headed. She kept herself grounded however, kept herself in place.

"…Onii-chan?" The younger Hikigaya tried to approach but hesitated, looking at Ai with a newfound wariness that hadn't been there before.

"I... I'm fine." Hikigaya screwed his eyes shut, covering them with his right hand. Physically coping with all the things in his mind. Slowly but consciously. "Sorry. I… I didn't want to show you something so unsightly."

"…" The younger Hikigaya smiled bitterly, holding back a hiccup that only showed up as a slight trembling of her shoulders. "Idiot. You scared me."

Hikigaya looked back at the floor. He now looked rather tired. And, to be honest, Ai didn't feel that strong herself anymore.

"Sorry." He repeated, with a smaller voice this time.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Aqua spoke up from his position on Ichigo-san's arm. It startled Hikigaya, making him clench his shoulder muscles, and glue his gaze on the floor. Now hyperaware of his surroundings again. "You're the reason Ai's here with us, after all. There's nothing but gratefulness for you in our hearts."

Ai narrowed her eyes, slowly turning her gaze toward Aqua.

The little boy flinched when they locked gazes.

Ah… That was completely unfair, right? Aqua was trying so hard to keep things from spiraling back into panic and pain, and yet Ai was…

She lowered her gaze, tracing the floor with her eyes to return to look at Hikigaya. See how he tried to keep himself in check.

"You're the baby that was there." The young man spoke up. His voice sounded dry, like he couldn't quite get it out without his throat hurting. "You kept me alive."

"I'm four. So I'm technically more of a toddler." Aqua retorted.

"Details." Hikigaya huffed.

"…Yeah. It was me." Aqua replied after a moment.

"I see…" Hikigaya closed his eyes, sitting better against the desk and placing his head between his knees. Almost like retreating into a fetal position. "Thanks."

"Nothing to be grateful for. I was just doing my job."

"Is… Are things better now?" Ichigo-san asked uselessly. Almost making Ai try to put up a smile, even though she didn't quite have the strength to do it at the moment.

"Give them time." Aqua replied cooly. "Let them come back to their senses on their own."

"I'm… I'm fine." Hikigaya took a lungful of air but kept refusing to look up.

"Take your time." Aqua insisted. "You're doing amazing already. No need to push yourself."

"You… You're pretty smart, huh." The younger Hikigaya still didn't know what to do. So she gave Aqua her full attention. Trying to do something… Just anything, really. "Pretty knowledgeable."

"I am something of a child genius, yes." Aqua lifted his chin, expression still blank.

"…Right." The worry almost drained entirely off of the girl's face as she deadpanned.

That was… Good, right? At least someone was visibly doing better now.

"I… Didn't know this would happen." Ichigo-san's voice came out calmer too. But he was still visibly nervous about this whole thing. "I suspected he'd have seen Aqua, given what happened, but—"

The younger Hikigaya frowned at Ichigo-san.

"'Aqua'?"

The little boy looked away.

"It's a good name." Ai replied without thinking.

"It's… Aquamarine, actually." Ichigo-san sighed. Less nervous and more embarrassed now.

The girl looked around, like she expected someone to tell her if Ai was being serious or not. She chose to look back at her brother, sit beside him bumping shoulders like she hadn't just heard anything at all.

Then, she gave Ichigo-san a better look.

"Please don't tell me you're the father." Komachi said.

"Huh?!" Ichigo-san was outraged, of course he would be. The twins also recoiled from the accusation. And Ai…

Ai grabbed the girl by the collar, or tried to.

Hikigaya reacted before she did, seemingly coming to life as Ai's arms shoot forward. Blocking them with his own body, a glare on his face and his lips tightly pressed together. An expression that Ai mimicked to hold back the tide of mixed feelings that she couldn't decipher. Focusing on him instead of the idiotic girl that would even think for a moment that…

"Hoshino." He growled. His voice was rough but clear, nowhere near the waver he'd had moments before. He would not relent on this.

"Take that back." Ai turned her gaze to Komachi. Whose eyes did reflect Ai, unlike his brother's.

She did not recognize herself in the small reflection.

"You could just say 'no'." Komachi glared at her.

"Take that back." Ai repeated herself, moving forward a bit. Forcing Hikigaya to block her even further. "Don't make stupid jokes like that. Take it back."

Komachi slowly glanced at the man and the kids.

"I was honestly wondering."

"Adults that take advantage of kids deserve to die." Ai stated while closing her eyes, swallowing the cocktail of emotions that threatened to spill out from the mouth of her stomach. She could even feel herself salivating as she lifted the corner of her lips a bit. "Don't say such ridiculous things, please. Ichigo-san is shady, but he's not that shady."

"Point taken." Hikigaya interject.

Ai regarded him again. Neither of them backed down.

"You're hurting me." He added.

Oh. Ai's knuckles were turning white, like the ghost of a person unworthy of being remembered.

Ai slowly opened her grip.

Hikigaya slowly went back to his sitting position, leaving his sister exposed again.

Why did they have to fight? Why couldn't things just be easy? Was this the price to pay for needing someone so unlike herself? For being so irredeemably inhuman? What had Ai done to deserve being born so different that she could only destroy her relationships no matter how many times she tried?

Was kissing still on the table? Probably not.

"Ahahaha…" Ai shook her head, trying to clear her mind again. "Let's tackle one thing at a time, shall we? Just… Really let things flow."

"That's not for you to decide." Hikigaya spoke up before his sister, even though she did look like she wanted to say something as well.

"Of course not. That's why I want to know: Are you feeling better?" Ai tilted her head a bit, not really trusting her sight to make an educated guess here. "Do you feel calm enough to go on?"

"Do you?" Hikigaya asked back after a moment of hesitation.

"Ahahaha… Sorry for overreacting. I guess I was sensitive because I didn't expect you to fall down, get so pale, struggling to breathe…" Ai looked away. Even though they were her own words, they still felt rough to hear. Even though it was her own voice, she still wanted the memories that it invoked to stop.

"That's…"

"Not your fault at all! I'm just not as strong as I look, okay?" Ai lifted her hands like she wanted to placate the young man. He had visibly calmed down, however. Which helped Ai to get her bearings as well. Really drink in enough air to not feel like she was drowning.

"…Neither am I." Hikigaya looked down again, like he'd been defeated in an epic battle.

…

That was a lie, right? There was no way. He was human, yes. But this was the guy that put his life on the line for Ai's. There was absolutely no way that a simple revelation would scare him out of his compassion, right? It wouldn't clear his mind to the point that he'd give his back to her, right?

"Ah… Haha…" Ai scratched the side of her forehead. Putting a bit too much strength behind the motion, feeling her skin resent it from the first moment of friction. "Haha… That's…"

"…Mama?" Ruby's small voice came from the ground, she was standing on her own feet.

Ai stopped. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Like the clock had stopped, she froze in place for a moment. Quickly turning to regard the little girl she had birthed with the most neutral smile she could muster.

Ruby was scared.

"…"

Ai looked at the floor for a moment, unsure as to what to say. How to react.

So she did the most natural she could do: She opened her arms, inviting the girl closer. Ruby hesitated for a moment, breaking Ai's half-pieced together heart in such a way that her eyes stung a bit, made her position worsen a bit, topple slightly.

Like a hit to the stomach.

Ruby accepted her all the same, quickly crossing the distance and hiding against Ai's shoulder. Trembling a little.

Ai still couldn't think, still couldn't say anything. But her daughter's hug was special. It had mystical healing properties that quickly mended the damage in Ai's heart. Not entirely, their lives wouldn't have taken such an awful nosedive if it was that easy. But it still filled Ai with enough strength to bring herself back to her braver self. Show Ruby the strong woman she had come to know as her mama.

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay." Ai kissed the little girl's head, trying to be as reassuring as her wavering voice allowed her. "We're not okay but… We will be. We just need a moment."

"Dying is scary, isn't it?" Ruby sounded so sure, so clear in this, that Ai almost felt like she was the one being reassured about her feelings; instead of having a little girl wonder about a part of life she had just gotten in contact with.

How badly was she messing up really? Would Ai ever understand the damage she had already inflicted with her choice?

An exception was an exception but… How far was Ai willing to go to keep one intact. How many rules could she honestly break before it stopped being worth it?

"It is." This was the truth no matter how much Ai spun it in her head. Death was scary, murder was scary. Seeing someone dying in front of her was terrifying. It was a constant that left no room for lies, to place to hide away from it.

Ai was feeling fear, no two ways about it. She had felt fear back in that apartment, no point in denying it.

And he could not keep on living the way she had been doing so far after experiencing that.

"It really, really is."