Note: Note: Warnings for this and subsequent chapters include: period accurate language that includes slurs, homophobia, very politically incorrect attitudes about disabilities and mental illness in general, and other sensitive topics. There is also body horror as well as body dysmorphism, stalking behaviors, self-harming, moral ambivalent to outright criminal behavior, discussion of conspiracy theory nonsense, violence, brutality, and fnord. Please remember that this is a work of fiction. Actions taken by the characters are to progress the plot or otherwise enhance the story. If it sounds dangerous, illegal, or morally dubious to do in the real world, then the author wishes to remind you that you shouldn't do it yourself nor do I condone a lot of shit that went down in the 80s and 90s.

"Now, can either of you tell me the date the Nominus Edict was finally ratified?" Tracks asked, turning from the LED board to face the two young robots.

"Oh, what's the point?" huffed Gauge. "We should be out there on patrol with the others! Not sitting here on our afts, learning about useless crap."

"Young lady, watch your language. You both are far too young for that. And you are wrong about this being 'useless'."

"No, she's right," said Rubble. "Why bother teaching this stuff?"

Tracks sighed. "Because this is a vital part of our history and learning about the past teaches us how to avoid the mistakes of our fore-bearers."

"The only thing that we need to know is that the Edict sucks and should never have been passed at all," grumbled Rumble. "I mean, what the hell was Nominus thinking when he gave the Senate all those powers?"

Gauge nodded in agreement. "Yeah. He basically wrote those bastards a blank check to screw us all over."

"Gauge, quit using such language."

"But that's what they are!" she replied angrily. "I mean, if they would've recognized the Ascenticons and implemented the reforms Termagax proposed, this fucking war would never have happened."

"While I'm happy to see you actually have been paying some attention to your lessons, I must point out that you've overlooked the fact that many of the reforms Termagax proposed became the foundation of Megatron's own manifesto. In fact, the Ascenticons were the precursor to the modern day Deceptions. And you need to quit using such language."

"…yeah, well he might be an evil old bastard, but Megatron kind of had point," Gauge grumbled while Rubble just stared down at his desk doing his best to keep a straight face.

"Well, yes…," Tracks said after taking a short pause to choose his words carefully. "I must admit that, in the beginning, Megatron was sincerely invested in championing the cause of the common people by forcing badly need social changes. But his methods were too destructive and disruptive to create any meaningful, beneficial change in the long-term. It's also clear that no matter how genuine his reformist beliefs were prior to the War, Megatron has long given up on them, choosing to become a warlord just as vile and corrupted as the Senate was."

"Wow! Never thought I'd hear that from one of you old farts," laughed Hot Rod as he came sweeping in, followed by a strangely stoic Springer.

"Uncle Rod!" the two younger Autobots said in unison, running over to hug him which he returned a bit stiffly.

"Hello," Tracks said, immediately looking at the still leaking punctures on his upper arms. "What happened?"

"He got attacked while on patrol," Springer replied in a flat voice.

"No I wasn't!" Hot Rod huffed back. "The guy was just really emotional."

"That wasn't a person. That is a monster, Rod."

Hot Rod groaned loudly. "Primus! You're starting to sound just like Prowl. Right down to the creepy monotone!"

Springer's expression went from grim stoicism to a boyishly wounded. "Goddamn, Rod. That really fucking hurts…"

"Well, if you hadn't been such a massive prick to the poor guy…"

"Poor guy?! That fucking creature threatened to kill you!"

"Will you quit talking about him like that?! Guy's a Decepticon, you know? Death threats are just their way of saying 'hello'. Any way, he's just a religious weirdo with a creepy paint-job! Can't you just…"

"That piece of shit is an abomination, Rod! Why can't you-?"

Before the argument could go further, Tracks cleared his vents very loudly. "Gauge, Rubble, we will continue your lessons at another time."

Rubble frowned at him. "Why? I want to hear more about…"

"Don't argue. Now, run along." Once he'd shooed them out, Tracks turned to Springer and Hot Rod. "Now, children, just what is going on?"

"You are going back to Earth. Immediately. And Rod is going with you," Springer said, once again going emotionless.

"The hell I am!" Hot Rod barked angrily as he got up in Springer face. "You're just pissed off the guy was good-looking and…"

"A pretty face and a nice ass just hide the demon within," replied Springer through gritted teeth.

"You're jealous!"

"Jealous?! Of a demonically possessed corpse?" Springer snapped back. "Really, Rod! I never thought you'd be into necrophilia…"

"The guy's a spectralist with a vendetta. I mean, he's spooky, but…"

Cutting him off, Tracks asked, "Will one of you boys please tell me what is going on? What's all this about monsters and spectralists?"

"Do you know anybody called Hellrider?" Hot Rod asked quickly before Springer could stop him. "Okay… Maybe that wasn't his name back then, but did you happen to know any Lambo models before the war? Besides the twins, I mean. I think the guy's might be around the same age as them…"

"Yes. I knew quite a few…" Tracks muttered, cringing inside as he immediately started reviewing his list of former clients. "Why?"

"Don't worry about it," said Springer. "Just go get your things and help Rod pack while I go tell Skyfire…"

"I'm not going to Earth, Springer." Tracks spoke calmly with a stern glare. "Not without Raoul."

"Listen here, old man," Springer growled but Hot Rod interrupted him.

"Uh, about that…" His optics unfocused a moment, then he gave Tracks a funny look. "It looks like your human's binary bonded to that Hellrider guy…"

"What?!" Tracks grabbed Hot Rod, fingers thrusting deep into the wounds on his arms as he shook the boy. "Where is he then? Tell me! I need to see him right now!"

"…ouch. Deadlock says they're back at the Tower."

Tracks immediately let go as he started for the door but was stopped by Springer grabbing his wing. He whipped around, slamming his fist into the Wrecker's face.

Barely fazed by the blow, Springer sighed sadly. "Tracks, I get that you're upset about losing him, but that human is as good as dead now. There's only one thing we can give him now… Slay the monster and free him from it's grasp. It's a mercy that I'm afraid you cannot give to him. So, for your own sake, go back to Earth with Rod."

"I am not giving up on him, you son of bitch."

"Tracks, Raoul is dead. Whatever they done to him, you can be certain that the boy you knew is long gone."

"And just how do you know that? Suddenly an expert on binary bonding?"

"That creature he's bound to is a sparkeater. All we can do for him now is swiftly put an end it's hideous existence so his soul can rest."

"Sparkeaters are just a fairy story!" Tracks snarled.

"That's what I keep telling him!" added Rod. "But he's gotten it in his head that this Hellrider guy is one."

"Well, if he is, then Hellrider's the calmest, most lucid one I've ever seen!" said Kup as he came in with Arcee.

"Kup, please quit encouraging this nonsense…" Tracks growled quietly.

"It ain't nonsense, boy. I've met one before. Remember it like it was only yesterday… I was just a young buck back then, on deployment as part of the security team for the Casa 7 station, back around the height of the Expansion. It started when one of the scientist coming back from a supply run came across an unregistered ship coming in from Regalis V. We thought they might be smugglers at first, but…"

Springer groaned, rubbing his temples."Good god, Kup. We don't have time for one of your stories right now."

"Oh, I think you'll want to hear this one, kid." Once he was sure they were all listening, Kup popped a fresh cygar in his mouth and began his tale. "Now, as I was saying, we thought the ship was just smugglers. When my team went to check it out, we figured out that it was a military reconnaissance frigate out on some kind of covert mission. We initially couldn't get into the ship at all because it had some kind of lockdown triggered that completely sealed it, but then we located an airlock that looked like it had been ripped open from the outside. And we found the whole crew was dead except for one mech. They put up one hell of a fight, but it was no use… Primus, it was one of the worst bloodbaths I've ever witnessed. Bodies mutilated with their chests torn open, drained dry and gnawed apart as if that… that thing had been eating the corpses after taking their sparks. And their faces… My god! Those faces! I still have nightmares about them…"

Kup paused, taking a moment to steady himself before he continued. "We found the captain lashed to the command chair at the helm. They'd had been trying desperately to steer the ship into the system's biggest sun, to the point they'd spliced into the mainframe to keep on course even after they died. The only reason it didn't make it was something destroyed the power lines to the engine, effectively scuttling the ship. Then we found a sealed casket covered in runes in the hold along with the ship's surgeon. He managed trap the sparkeater once more, but he was so badly mangled in the process that he was in a stasis coma when we found him. I remember my commander Influx saying we should just take the surgeon back, abandon the ship and finish the job the captain started, but Photon said it was our duty to figure out what happened and… well, Photon was chief scientist there. The bastard had full command over the station, so we towed the ship back to the station. If I could go back to that very moment, I'd have knocked the everloving shit out of that smug bastard and sent that floating tomb right back to the Pit…"

"Hey wait a moment," said Tracks. "I think of heard of this… Wasn't the Casa 7 station destroyed by a defective reactor explosion?"

"Reactor explosion… Yeah, that's what we were told to say after we gave our statements," Kup said coldly. "The High Command and the Senate couldn't have us going around, talking about sparkeaters… They said it was all just a delusion, brought on by radiation leaks scrambling our brain modules. But I know what I saw, god damn it! And it wasn't no faulty reactor…"

"After you brought the ship back, what happened next?" asked Hot Rod.

"We took the surgeon to the med-bay for treatment then put the corpses in the morgue for the scientist could autopsy them later. Photon had us put the casket in the lab so he could study it. Reduct was the one who figured out the runes were in Primal Vernacular and translated them."

"Well, what did the runes say?" asked Springer.

"They were a warning as well as a tale about how the sparkeater came to be and what it was capable of, but Reduct never had a chance to finish. Though, now that I think about it, Reduct's personal journals and notes all disappeared shortly after he asked Groundwire about a discrepancy in the crew roster. There was a communications officer called Signal Flare listed, but no corresponding body. I remember Groundwire, the surgeon, saying the guy died during the mission and his body was left behind when they left, but it got him so upset that he had another freak-out when Influx tried to push him for the details about it… Kind like he didn't want us to find out…" Kup paused again, brow furrowing in thought. Then he shook his head, as if clearing away a troubling idea. "No. That's not possible…"

Springer raised a brow. "What's not possible?"

"Don't worry about. Just an old man's stupid brain-fart… All that matters is that things were quiet for a few cycles… And then the surgeon woke up. The poor bastard damn near killed Sawbones in a panic and it took five of us just to hold him down so they could sedate him. Once we got him calmed down, he told us what happened. They'd been sent to study the ruins of what appeared to be a lost colony, but after they found it, there was an incident which got Signal Flare killed and lead to the mission being aborted early. They did, however, recover an artifact: the casket. Once back on the ship, he told us how after they opened the casket, releasing the original sparkeater. Groundwire's account gets a bit… fuzzy at that point, but they eventually realized what was going on when the dead mechs came back as sparkeaters, too, but they were easily put down. The first two sparkeaters, however, was much stronger than their spawn… After much fighting, only the original and it's first spawn were left, but by then it was just him and the captain still alive. The two of them managed to lure the original sparkeater to the airlock and apparently jettisoned it, but when it became clear they couldn't put down the other one, the captain decided that they would fly the ship into one of the systems stars to kill it. Groundwire didn't remember anything after the captain was killed or how he got the creature back into it's casket. All he knew was that it had to be destroyed and that conventional weapons just couldn't do the job."

Tracks rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you believed that nonsense."

Pausing a moment to spark a fresh cygar, Kup said dryly, "Of course none of us believed him! In fact, at first I agreed with Sawbones that Groundwire had caught a case of space madness and went on killing spree. I changed my mind after I spent some time talking to him while I was guarding him in the med-bay. Groundwire turned out to be a very charming guy once we got to know each other. He was one of the sanest and most compassionate mechs I've ever met, if a bit depressed and anxious… though that was probably due what happened to him. He was so patient… even patient enough to put up with rough hard-heads like me. Pretty good looking, too…" Kup's face glowed as a tender smile crossed his lips.

"I suspect you might be a bit biased," grumbled Tracks.

"The hell I am!" snarled Kup. "Groundwire was proven innocent beyond a doubt after Swarf finally recovered most of the ship's logs and showed it was impossible for him to have killed all of his crew mates. There was even footage of the sparkeater in the act but she couldn't get a clear image of the thing. Cameras and recording devices went haywire whenever it and its spawn were around, so we couldn't get a good image of them. Still, Swarf did make a comment that the sparkeater apparently was in two different places simultaneously, but maybe that was a mistake on her part due to the bad quality of the recordings. Showing that footage to poor Groundwire made him panic and he tried to warn us, begging Photon to jettison the casket into the main sun, but that stupid bastard refused to listen since it was 'just a fairy tale'. In Photon's opinion, the crew had suffered a shared delusion that caused them to turn on each other and Groundwire was maddened by trauma. The 'monsters' were just his fevered mind trying to rationalize away what happened. And then Photon had to open the casket…"

Kup lapsed into silence until Hot Rod asked, "What happened then?"

"What do you think? All hell broke loose!" Kup barked, then his tone became sad. "When they first opened it, the thing looked like freshly stripped down corpse with a screwdriver stabbed into its lasercore. It had been bled nearly drained dry of all energon. Groundwire begged them to destroy the thing, which Reduct had backed him up on. But Photon refused to listen, causing Groundwire to have another freak-out when he personally removed the screwdriver. I ended up having to drag him out of the room before he attacked Photon. I tried to take him back to the medbay for a sedative, but Groundwire refused and begged me to stay with him so we went back to my bunk. We got to talking, then one thing lead to another and we ended up fu-…" Kup glanced up at the vents, then said guiltily, "*Ahem!* We spent some quality time together… Shame he had to go and spoil the mood by telling me the truth about him and…"

Kup paused again, thinking something over before continuing, "Well, that doesn't matter now. But while I was busy comforting Groundwire, the monster woke back up. It got Reduct first, then Laserblade and Steel Bison, playing dead between kills until it attacked Pulse while he and Sawbones were examining it. It fled into the ducts, picking us off one by one until it was just me, Groundwire, Sawbones, Barrage, and Photon. Luckily, this beast couldn't make any spawn, which Groundwire said was because he… it had lost too much innermost energon to create them…"

Now it was Tracks turn to raise a brow. "How could he have known that? You said Groundwire didn't remember how he put the alleged creature back into stasis."

"I guess he worked that out based on the evidence…" Kup replied in a strangely evasive tone. "All that mattered was that we only had one monster to deal with. It was Barrage who suggested we overcharge the reactor and trigger it to blow. While he and Groundwire took care of that, Sawbones and I prepared one of the supply shuttles for our escape. Right up to the bitter end, Photon kept on saying that nothing was wrong and we were acting 'insane' despite having clearly lost his mind, to the point that he nearly got us all killed by trying to sabotage the shuttle. And… well, let's just say none of us felt too bad when the first sparkeater got him just as we were getting onboard. And the rest went down how the official report says it did. Reactor explosion. Thirty-seven dead, five survivors."

"That's an… interesting story, Kup," Springer said dryly. "But what does that have to do with…"

"I told you that because I've seen firsthand how sparkeaters act, boy! And they don't hold conversations," barked Kup in an oddly defensive tone. "Sure, it could say words, but that creature… It was could only parrot back what their victims say, usually screams for help, to lure in more prey. Nothing more than that. Nothing more…" he muttered, as if trying to convince himself of it. "My point is, sparkeaters might be cunning, but they certainly ain't got enough of a mind left to pass as a person for long. They're too violent for that. All they want is to feed. Savage and gluttonous, all they know is hunger… They ain't going to stand there, jabbering away like any other dumbass kid the way Flight, Percy, and Arcee was Hellrider doing.""

"Is it possible that he could be some kind of variant form?" asked Springer, his tone just as grim as he expression. "Maybe it's a mutant sparkeater capable of passing for a normal person? I mean, we all know what Shockwave does in his Tower when he's alone, but Scorponok and Starscream are also there so…"

"Boy, don't." Kup's tone was dark and pensive. "Don't even suggest that kind of thing."

"Why not?"

"Because, if… if things like that exist, then…" Kup suddenly went quiet, killing his cygar in one drag before saying, "They're beasts! Nothing more. So just drop it."

"Let me see if I understand," Tracks said in a dangerously calm voice. "Springer, are you suggesting that the Decepticons not only took Raoul and binary bound him to one of their own, but also used this Hellrider as part of an experiments in making a sentient sparkeater? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes."

"I see… So, what about Chip Chase?"

"What about him?"

"If the Decepticons did experiments on Raoul, then it isn't outside the realm of possibilities that they've done the same to Chip."

Springer's vent rattled in a frustrated huff. "Listen, old man…"

"No, you listen, boy," Tracks snapped back. "If you're going to make such outlandish claims about Raoul, then why should we think they wouldn't do the same to Chip?"

"Because Arcee has confirmed that Chip's still himself."

"No," Arcee said quietly, giving Springer a dirty look. "What I said was that Chip hadn't been binary bound to anybody and instead it looked like they made him into something like a Target Master or a mini-cassette. And I remember when I sent you the heads up about Deadlock and Hellrider heading towards the Catacombs, I said I suspect Raoul and Hellrider might actually be the same…"

"He's dead, Arcee," Springer coldly replied. "It's almost certain that the 'cons used them both as part of a twisted experiment to create a fiend… A superbeast, if you will. And the only thing we can do now is…"

"Get Chip and Raoul the hell away from them and into some intensive therapy." When Springer started to argue, she angrily waved him off. "I know what you're about to say. You're going to say that he's 'irredeemable', that we ought to 'mercy kill' him, and there's no hope… You know, all the bullshit everybody kept saying about me and about…"

Springer squirm a bit, clearing his vents. "This isn't the same, Arcee."

"It's not? How?"

Struggling to explain himself, Springer stammered for a few moments before throwing up his hands in frustration. "It just isn't, okay? We cannot risk bring such a creature back here."

"Well, I don't care. If there's even a shred of hope that Raoul can be saved, then I'll glad risk anything bring him home," snapped Tracks as he started to leave. "Now, if you don't mind, I am going…"

"Right to the med bay for a check up," Arcee said as she grabbed his arm then Hot Rod's. "After I'm finished fixing Rod's arms."

"Ouch! But they aren't even that…"

"You've got ten deep punctures in your upper arms and they came from a guy who was digging around in tombs. I'm going to look at them to be sure they aren't infected."

"And when she's done," Springer said calmly. "You and Tracks need to get ready to head back to Earth."

"Nothing doing, kid," said Kup, pulling out a datapad and handing it to him. "We've got reports that the 'cons are planning something big and Elita One has restricted non-essential travel until we figure out what's going on. She had me come to get you because she's got a special project for your boys"

"And that would be…?"

"It's best if you talked to Elita-One about that. In private."

Without another word, Springer went out with Kup.

From overhead, Gauge said suddenly, "Wow… What crawled up his tailpipe and died?"

Glancing up at the vent, Tracks frowned at her. "I don't know, but I'm more concerned with what you're doing crawling around in the ducts again, young lady."

"Forgetting everything Bee taught us, sir," Rubble replied from the same vent.

"Really?" Tracks turned and glared towards the corner of the room. "Young man, I cannot believe that you would teach children such things!"

"What the hell?!" Hot Rod looked over and stared in shock at the minibot. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Since you came in with Springer," Bumblebee said with a grin.

Hot Rod turned back to Tracks. "Are you sure Jazz ain't his dad? Because Bee's getting just as bad as he is with this crap."

"Bee's not his son," Arcee said quietly. "Trust me, I already checked. Jazz doesn't have any kids of his own."

"Actually, that's not quite true," Tracks replied with a bit of hesitation. "During his first marriage, Jazz and his ex-spouse adopted the MTO's they were fostering after the Scramble City Incident. None of them like talking about it because the divorce was rather messy…"

"Whoa," muttered Hot Rod. "I thought Prowl was just married to his job…"

"It wasn't Prowl," grumbled Tracks. "They're just close friends… Well, as close to 'friends' as you can be with Prowl."

"So, who was the ex?"

"Well, let's just say that it was fortunate that the kids were already of age by the time Jazz filed for divorce and leave it at that."

"Yeah," Bee said with a little nod. "That was a lucky break because Soundwave definitely is the type to demand sole custody with no visitations."

Tracks glared at him. "And just where did you hear that?"

"Groove mentioned it while I was waiting on Beachcomber…"

"And do you mind telling me what my stepson was doing hanging around that damn dirty hippy again?"

Hot Rod blinked in surprise. "Stepson?"

"Because Groove a grown ass adult and his boyfriend was preparing some supplies I asked Bee to bring along for me," Arcee grumbled in annoyance.

"What could you possibly need from Beachcomber?" asked Tracks.

"Distillates from gem-ganja have medical uses and the strain he's created is especially suitable for treating your condition. Which is why we've been giving you it since the last attack."

"You what?"

Arcee sighed. "Tracks, what we're giving you doesn't have psychoactive properties. I've got Ratchet and Smokescreen's approval to give you KMH capsules to calm you down."

"But I am perfectly calm!" he snapped.

"I can literally hear your oil pressure rising," she grumbled back. "And I am this fucking close to putting you under full sedation to keep you from having another spark burst. Now, you can quit bitching and got to the medbay under your own power or I can drag you there strapped to a gurney in a neck brace. What's it going to be?"

"Arcee, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for teaching your daughter…"

"Not to put up with bullshit. Now, are you coming along quietly or do I need to get Skarr to send the gurney?"

Tracks' vents rattled in a huff. "Very well. I'll go quietly. But I want you to know that I am perfectly fine."

"I'll be judge of that," she replied then turned to the kids. "Sweetie, why don't you and Rubble go see if your mother needs help in the lab?"

"But Dad, I want to know more about the sparkeater guy. Besides, isn't Snarl, Percy, and Chromedome down there with them?"

"And didn't Brainstorm come along too?" asked Rubble.

"Yes he did. Which is why I need you two keep her from committing a grisly quadruple-homicide."

"Well, you heard your father. Let's go," Bee said as he quickly ushered them out.

"That was suspiciously nice of Bee…" said Hot Rod as the three of them started down the hall.

"I'm more interested in knowing what is going on," Tracks said, giving Arcee a dirty look. "I understand we might need Brainstorm and Chromedome, but what does Elita-One need with the Dinobots? Aren't the Wreckers enough?"

"Don't worry about," Arcee replied.

Hot Rod frowned. "Okay. Now I'm worried. Arcee, what's going on?"

"Don't worry about it."

"We have Sky-Lynx, the Wreckers, and the Dinobots here along with all three of our combiner teams and we're not supposed to worry?" asked Tracks. "Young lady, you need to explain just what is going on."

"Really, you do not need worry about it."

"Stupid DJD in town," said Swoop brightly as he came up behind them.

Arcee glared at him. "Allegedly."

"No. They here. Elita-One said so," Swoop said with a smile. "That's why Grimlock had us come to Cybertron."

Tracks stopped mid-stride, wincing at the jolt of pain in his chest. "The Decepticon Justice Division are here?!"

"Allegedly," repeated Arcee as she carefully dragged him the rest of way to an exam room and gently shoved him onto the table. "Now, calm down. Swoop? Make yourself useful and get Tracks hooked up to the monitors while I'm patching Rod up."

"Yes, ma'am."

As soon as she left with Hot Rod, Tracks started to get up off the table. "Well, I know I had a little health scare, but right now I…"

"Tracks gonna lay back down and let me check vitals." Swoop gently pushed him back down before he started attaching the cables.

"Boy, I am perfectly fine!"

"Me can hear Tracks' oil pressure rising. That not good."

"I'll be fine. I just need to…"

"Quit arguing and let Swoop do his job." He smiled again, patting Tracks' shoulder. "Me know Tracks worried about his pet…"

"Raoul is not a pet!"

"…oh! Sorry. Me not mean that bad way. Swoop thought that was what people call boyfriends."

Tracks glared quietly at him for a moment. "That is not what this is."

"Uh-huh… Tracks nearly dies and first thing he does after waking up is sneak out while Mama ain't looking then make Skyfire bring him several thousand parsecs away just because Raoul stolen by Decepticons. He also not slept more than maybe four or five joors since he got here from what Swoop can see. But no… Raoul not Tracks boyfriend any more than Joy not Sludge's girlfriend…"

"But she isn't," grumbled Tracks. "She's made it pretty clear that they're just friends. I mean, just how would they even…"

"Me getting a holo-thing," replied Sludge as he lumbered in with a tray that looked comically tiny in his hand. "Grimlock says Dinobots don't need them. Sludge not care. When me asked Papa, he say Dumb Truck has him working on other stuff right now, so Sludge gotta wait. But me gonna get one as soon as Sludge get back to Earth."

"Why would you need one?" asked Tracks.

"Why him Tracks have one?" Sludge asked back.

"Because I have to blend in with the native population and…"

"And Sludge not have to blend in, too?"

"Young man, my alt is a car. Something that would be perfectly normal to see on the average street on Earth. A mechanical sauropod, however, is not."

"But Tracks say he not need one until Papa said they'd be 'solid light' and 'fully functional' too. Then Tracks demanded to have one himself."

"Well, I needed to replace my old facsimile simulator, you know?"

"But Tracks took that out right after Raoul came along…"

"Because he said it was 'creepy' and remind him of a 'haunted doll'. Raoul even said I looked like 'a Barbie version of the chick (I think she was called 'Evelyn')form Play Misty for Me' when he first saw it. So I got rid of it because I didn't want to upset him," Tracks snapped, then he caught the smirk Sludge gave him. "Look, the whole point of those damn things is be unnoticeable! Raoul's response just proved that those stupid things were useless under any prolonged scrutiny. I mean, how am I supposed to be in disguise with something so obviously fake?"

"But him Tracks went for a long time without one."

"That's because Raoul had kindly offered to serve as my 'driver' instead, so I wouldn't need one. And I took him up on the offer at the time."

"Me dumb, but if that true, why Tracks want a holo-thing?"

Tracks huffed up. "Well, I didn't want to keep imposing on the boy like that. And I must remind you that Wheeljack asked for volunteers, boy. I was just trying to help further scientific progress."

"That's a funny," muttered Swoop as he prepped the injector. "Me remember Tracks always saying Papa is 'one step away from committing outright treason' with his 'crack-pot' inventions."

"Well, in my defense, Wheeljack's inventions tend to randomly expl—ouch! What was that?!"

"Extended release booster. It to get Tracks oil pressure down and help with his anxiety."

"I do not have anxiety."

"Tracks freaking out over stupid DJD."

"Any sane person would be concerned about a group of heavily armed deranged serial killers being on the loose."

"But Wreckers were already here before stupid DJD," replied Swoop.

"Dinobots better than them and DJD anyway," said Sludge.

Tracks gave them both a dirty look. "I feel so reassured…"

"Tracks welcome!" Sludge said with a huge smile.

"Me gonna let Arcee and Skarr know Swoop gave Tracks injection. Then we gonna wait to see if that is working. So Tracks stay right here, okay?"

"Very well." Tracks waited till they'd left and closed the door before pulling up a heavily encrypted line. As he put in the number, he prayed the old bastard hadn't disconnected it.

"[Hello? Who in the Pit is this?]" asked a very confused Deadlock.

"[Tracks.]"

"[…how did you get this number?!]"

"[It was in my little brother's contacts. You bailed him out of jail a couple of times. I've kept a copy of them since before the war.]"

"[Oh… right. Let me guess: you're calling about Rah-Ool, right?]"

"[Yes. Where is he?]"

"[In the medbay. That were Hellrider went.]"

"[I need you to…]"

"[No.]"

"[No? But I haven't even-]"

"[I know exactly what you want, boy. You want me to set up a meeting between you and Hellrider. Which I will not do, because that thing your human is currently sharing a body with is a sparkeater. Like the rest of his teammates, even little Chip. They somehow figured out how to turn a disposable pet model into one of those fucking monsters… Megatron has created an honest to god team made up entirely of sparkeaters.]"

"[I frankly don't give a damn. Now, are you going to help or not?]"

"[Boy, did you miss the part about him being a sparkeater?]"

"[I. Do. Not. Care.]"

Deadlock was quiet for several moments. "[Fine. I'll see what I can do. But I want you to know that it's not going to be easy. They're keeping a close eye on him and his team.]"

"[Why?]"

"[Megatron has taken an interest in them. They're his latest pet project. Also, dumbass has put Shockwave on alert that he might try to defect the first chance he gets.]"

"[Oh good! That'll make things much easier on me.]"

"[Again, Hellrider is a sparkeater. I don't think-]"

"[Deadlock, I don't care about what you think. Just tell me when and where I can see him.]"

"[I'll do what I can. Can you meet me at Maccadam's in three days?]"

"[Yes. Thank you.]" With that, Tracks cut the line and laid back to stare at the ceiling. It had probably been a really bad idea to call Deadlock like that, but he was desperate for anything right now. At least he now knew Raoul was still alive, a small reassurance that let him give into the sedating drugs and, setting an alarm, finally take that much needed sleep.

"[…well, thanks for the heads up]" Hellrider grumbled over the encrypted line as he reviewed the medical files on Ruckus while they waited.

"[No problem]" said Viewfinder as he cut from the intercepted feed. "[We figured you'd like to know that particular Autobot is looking for you. Maccadam's Oil House isn't too hard to find. Nicer than the Three Busted Optics and Protoforms of Anarchy, too. Given the kind of hell you're about to have, it ain't going to be too hard to excuse going for drink when you're done. And, since you're such a nice kid, we will even tell you how to get yourself some drinking money.]"

"[How?]"

"[Here]" said Viewfinder, sending him a set of coordinates. "[This is where the major bank in Iacon is located. Shockwave fabricated a story about it being the site of a terrorist attack that involved releasing a still virulent disease in the area. It was actually a EMP burst that killed them, but the story's good enough to keep the scavengers away. He has been keeping it as an emergency fund should he ever need it. I figured the one-eyed bastard wouldn't be too put out if you took some for your own use.]"

"[Well, how nice of you. Now, what's the catch?]"

"[There's not one. I mean, you and the human both having a mutual hard-on for an Autobot is good enough blackmail material. Plus you shown yourself to be an addict, so I've got plenty to work with if I ever need your absolute cooperation with something. That's why I have given you his private number. And to be completely honest, my brothers and I are curious to see how this is going to go down. I've got three-hundred shanix on you trying to eat him. Not in the fun way… well, not unless Tracks is secretly into hard-core vore.]"

"[…yeah. Fuck you too.]" hissed Hellrider as he caught sight of Ruckus getting dragged in by the other two Trigger-cons. "[Gotta go. My patient is finally here.]"

"[Bye-bye]" giggled Viewfinder before the line cut out.

"You know," said Hellrider as he went over to the three of them. "When I say 'meet me in the medbay', I expect you to be here or at least a call telling me when you're going to get here. I've spent almost two fucking joors waiting on you dumbasses!"

"Look, it takes an act of god just to get Ruckus to even do self repairs," Crankcase said in a voice as flat as his expression. "And Windsweeper was having another breakdown, so Ruckus wasn't going to go anywhere until he calmed down. You have no idea the bullshit I've gotta deal with from these two, especially after the… incident."

"Which is why as soon as possible, your ass is starting therapy," Hellrider said as he turned to Windsweeper. "And I don't want to hear any bitching about it."

"And just what are you going to do? Shadowplay me so I forget?" replied Windsweeper nastily.

"Uh, no. We're going to talk about what happened and work on helping you deal with it in a healthy way."

"That sounds like some touchy-feely Autobot garbage," said Crankcase, his voice and face still completely expressionless.

"Right now, I don't need your sarcasm."

"I'm not being sarcastic. I'm just having another fit."

"What do you mean 'fit'?"

"It's a long story," said Windsweeper while Ruckus nodded and mimed for emphasis. "But in short, the idiot got his head stomped on by a pissed off Thunderwing and now he's got damage to his brain module that causes him to be incapable of emoting at all."

"And it sucks absolute slag… But pretty useful during game night. I made a fucking killing that we were on leave at Monacus."

"Which you and Ruckus promptly blew on high grade, hookers, and hardballs," Windsweeper huffed angrily.

"Says the guy who spent his leave touring the sanitation plant!"

"But it was such a thing of beauty, Crankcase. They even had a whole suite of cutting edge sludge reprocessors! Primus, I only wish we had just one of those babies…"

Cutting him off with a wave of his hand, Hellrider said, "Hold up. Let me see if I heard you right: Crankcase has 'fits' which cause him to be unable to express emotions from a traumatic brain injury. And, instead of getting it fixed, you dumb fucks went out gambling and partying with hoes while smoking crack. Is that what I just heard you tell me?"

"Yeah, well, it ain't going to kill me. All they needed to do was fix my helmet so my circuits ain't hanging out," Crankcase replied, suddenly regaining his ability to sneer and roll his eyes. "Besides, like I said, there's some upsides to this crap. And what in the Pit is 'crack'?"

"I think it's an Earth equivalent to circuit speeders," Nickel said as she looked up from the datapad she was working on. "Painkiller was explaining some things about that place because they'll be sending my boys there soon. And speaking of them…"

They all turned to see one very embarrassed looking Kaon guiding a gore encrusted G-mod harvester in followed by a motley group of mechs. But Hellrider was more interested in one particular mech who was right at Kaon's side chattering away with him.

"Shrapnel? When the fuck did you get here?!"

Shrapnel gave him a confused look. "About a week. Why-why-why?"

"I thought you were all on Earth."

"We were," said Bombshell. "They sent us on the newly rebuilt Ore-Gon Space Bridge. Starscream was using us to test it out."

"Which is why I had a lot of superfluous Slot Holes," chimed in Kickback as he gestured towards the harvester's intake that was clogged with various bug parts. "See, I was having a few drinks with Helex last night and he kindly offered to help me with a bit of housecleaning…"

"Helex," Nickel began as she crossed her arms and glared at the harvester. "What did I say the last time you got kinky with the bug?"

"To only do three at a time and chew them up then smelt them thoroughly, not just shove as many as possible in at once like a greedy idiot and get my intake clogged."

"And what did you do?"

"Shoved as many as I possibly could in all at once like a greedy idiot and got my intake clogged with half-chewed body parts… again."

Kaon's lips curled in childish disgust as Nickel began chewing both the harvester and Kickback out. "I did not want to know that about Uncle Kick…"

"For real? One of the DJD is a fucking bug?" Crankcase chuckled nastily.

"And that's a bad thing-thing?" asked Shrapnel, getting up in his face. "You saying my b-b-boy ain't good-good enough to be on the team-team?!"

"Oh! No-no! Not at all!" said Crankcase, backing up from Shrapnel as a huge mech with an x shaped visor and a surprisingly small, slender one closed in on him as well. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I never knew the Justice Division was so inclusive, that's all."

"Dude!" laughed a purple Seeker as he gave Kaon a hug. "You're the DJD's diversity hire!"

In the flattest tone, Kaon replied, "Fuck. You."

"Sure! Your bunk or mine?"

With a tiny poke of his finger, Kaon hit the Seeker with a jolt that laid him out flat on his back.

"…so, is that a maybe?" the guy weakly muttered from the floor as a tan colored mech rushed to check on him.

Hellrider step up to help get the Seeker onto a bench in the waiting area. "Just how fucked up is this guy…"

"His name's Misfire."

"Okay. What the hell is your buddy Misfire od'ing on?"

Misfire just grinned. "Actually, I'm dead sober."

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

"We're finally getting Fulcrum a new alt!" said Misfire happily.

"…I was a K-class."

"Was?" asked Hellrider.

"Yeah…"

"Uh, what's a K-class?" asked Chip.

"I was a bomb," answered Fulcrum. "A bomb who failed to explode."

"And now he's going to become a reconnaissance plane!" Misfire said. "Which is going make our job so much easier."

"We work as foragers."

"They pick through the aftermath of battles and take any usable parts from corpses," Hellrider explained before Chip could ask. "Basically, they're scavengers."

"Whoa! That is such a badass name!" crowed Misfire with an even bigger smile before he called out to a purple and neon green mech. "Hey Krok! Remember how you were talking about getting a cooler name than the 'Foragers'?"

"Look mate, I done told you: If you have a suggestion, post it in chat and we'll vote on it next meeting!"

"Okay!"

"So, Fulcrum's here for a mode conversion, right?" said Hellrider. When he got a little nod of affirmation, he turned to a large and dark mech who'd been patiently waiting for him to notice he was there. "And what are you doing here?"

"Commander Starscream ordered my team in for routine maintenance, sir."

"Ons, it's okay to call him 'Dad'," said gigantic mech that looked like some kind of shuttle.

"We're on duty, Blast Off."

Another large mech, this one clearly a helicopter, bound over. "Oh, who gives a shit? It's not like it's a secret he's our dad."

Chip started to ask a question, but Hellrider cut him off quickly. "It means Starscream was their sire, as in the person who supplied the seed crystals and initial dose of energon when they were forged."

"Actually, my team were all cold constructed, not forged," Ons replied, looking down at Chip. "And Starscream isn't actually our creator, he simply adopted us. But the process your friend described is pretty much the same except small, honestly insignificant differences such as our sparks being lab created instead of coming from a hotspot or a bud. I'm Onslaught, by the way, leader of the Combaticons."

"And are any of you on dying?" asked Nickel as she came over.

"No, ma'am."

"Then you all can sit your afts down and wait." She turned towards the others, hands on hips as she loudly asked, "Anybody here in dire need of immediate medical attention?"

There was a chorus of 'no's' except for one tall, violet Seeker who'd been chatting up Trickdiamond. They briefly broke off to say, "We're all here for our maintenance. Starscream's orders."

"Thank you, Slipstream. Looks like we've got the Trigger-cons, the Foragers and the Combaticons. And four of the Stunticons along with a bunch of Seekers… Let's see, we've got some Coneheads, a few shelf warmers, and the Rainmakers… well, four out of six… Ion, where's Acid Storm and Sun Storm?"

"Sunny was up at the Pyramid again but he's on the way," replied a bright blue Seeker.

"What in the Pit is he doing there?!"

"Talking to this old fart called Hung or Bung… or something like that. I don't know. Sunny keeps saying he's Primus incarnate, but the guy's fucked up in the brain module so who knows."

"His name's Rung," said Chip with an angry little huff. "And he's a very nice man, divine being or not. Rung's been trying to help Sunstorm, too. He's a shrink. Poor guy needs one, bad, so that's why he's up there all the time."

"No shit… Any way, Acid said he'll be along when he's done. See, Tarn came by the lab and said he needed to have another 'talk' with Acid."

"About what?" asked Chip before Hellrider could stop him.

Ion sighed with an exhausted frown. "The same thing they 'talked' about last night… and this morning… And for the past three days! I've had to listen to it every since the DJD came in! See, the walls are thin between our bunks and when he gets going, Acid's almost as loud as TC…"

"…and people say I have bad taste…" Kickback grumbled under his breath.

"I think you taste pretty good," the harvester replied with a chuckle.

"Thanks, but I still think this batch was kind of gamey," muttered Kickback as he reached out to yank out a half-melted arm to munch on. "But at least they don't have a funny aftertaste this time."

"Oh my god!" gasped Chip. "Are you eating your own clones?!"

"Yeah. We do it all the time."

Bombshell nodded sagely. "We have to. Otherwise, the whole place gets overrun with them. And it's much easier to get rid of the mutants that way…"

Aghast, Chip pointed to the harvester. "…and nobody's freaked out by that guy just casually eating people?!"

"It's kind of his thing," replied Kickback, then he held the limb to Chip. "You want a bite? I know you guys all have trilithium stomachs too."

While Chip just stared in horror, Hellrider calmly took the arm and opened his mouthplate to take a bite. "Eh, it's not too bad. Could use a bit of seasoning, though, and the texture's kind of weird. But that might just be the melting and the congealed energon."

"Raoul, you're eating somebody's arm!"

"And it's good. Sure you don't want a taste?" Hellrider asked as he held the gnawed on limb towards Chip. "Do you not want to live deliciously?"

Opening his faceplate to reveal the disgusted horror in his expression, Chip said in English, "Have you lost it?! This is cannibalism, Raoul!"

"Oh, so I was right about Hellrider being a bug?" said a gray helicopter model in a maniacally perky tone as they turned to Drag. "Now, cough it up bitch!"

"I ain't paying till I see an official document, Vortex," he growled back, earning him a slap upside his head from a massive violet gray mech. "Ow! Hey, what the fuck?!"

"I told you idiots to quit gambling," the big guy snarled as he gave Drag hard shove.

"Hey, quit that!" said Chip as he hobbled in between them.

The big guy just kicked Chip aside without even bothering to look. He was almost instantly blindsided by Hellrider rushing up and kicking him with all his strength right in the groin. As the big guy doubled over, he got several very brutally blow to his head that quickly knocked him out.

Hellrider turned and was surprised to see the creepy slender guy helping Chip up. He was even more shocked to catch what the guy was saying.

"[Are you all right, little one?]" they asked in a whispery tone, speaking Primal Vernacular. "[You don't belong here, you know? You are too kind to be one of these wretches. You seem more like an Autobot…]"

"Yeah, I've noticed…" Chip grumbled back. "[Just between you and me, I'm going back to them as soon as possible. And I'm taking Raoul with me.]"

The guy gave him a shocked look. "[You understand me?]"

Chip smiled at him. "Yes. [I learned it in my downtime.]"

"[Interesting. It's not often I've had the oppurtunity to speak with such a nice, studious boy. Honestly, I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in centuries… Tarn only knows the 'scholarly' form as he only learned it from formal writings, but you sound like you have learned the 'living word', so to speak.]"

"[Well, I've been teaching myself from listening to archived recordings and reading whatever I can find. Thundercracker was even nice enough to give me a dictionary he made. But I really don't think I'm too good at it yet…]"

"[You are too modest! It's quite a feat for one to learn this tongue even as a native Cybertronian, but you've already taught yourself so much! I'm quite impressed.]" said the slender guy, his voice taking on a giddy and slightly flirty tone. He reached down and lightly petted Chip's head. "[You remind me of my former husband…]"

"[Is he dead?]"

"[No. He's with the Autobot now.]"

"Oh! Eh, well, that's… awkward…"

"Who the fuck are you?" asked Hellrider, swooping in to pick Chip up in a protective hug.

"This is Vos," said Nickel as she came over to examine the big guy. "The glutton of a harvester is Helex and the guy with the X on his face is Tesarus but you can call him 'Tess' if you want."

"And who's that?" Hellrider asked, pointing to the big guy still curled up on the floor.

"This would be Motormaster. Leader of the Stunticons."

"And you can totally hit him some more," said Drag Strip gleefully, draping an arm around Hellrider's waist. "By the way, the name's Drag Strip, honey. I'm the best of the best. So… what are you doing tonight?"

"That's a dude, dumbass!" barked a black and red mech.

"Bullshit! They're too hot to be a guy, Wildrider."

"Yeah, I'm hot. And I'm male. Now, get your fucking hands off me."

"And he's sharing a body with a human, idiot," Dead End droned before he went back to the conversation he was having with two equally somber jets.

Wildrider laughed, shoving Drag Strip away before putting his arm around Hellrider's waist and copping a feel. "Screw it! Ain't the first time I've fucked a Headmaster. So I'll be doing you later, pretty boy."

Hellrider's response was to put Chip down and calmly punch Wildrider in the face hard enough to send him crashing into the wall.

"Well, now that's all settled…" Nickel beckoned Moonheart over. "First, new boy here's going to setup the med-bed for Vos and take care of whatever the Trigger-cons need done. While he's doing that, I need you and Chip to go down the line and do the initial assessments so we can go from the ones who need the most work to the least."

"Shouldn't we go by rank and seniority?" asked a bored looking neon green Seeker with a scuffed up paint job that just walked in with an equally scuffed up Tarn.

"Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?" she replied, turning a nasty glare at him.

"No, but…"

"That's 'no, ma'am' to you, son."

"I am not telling you how to do your job, ma'am. It's just that I have a lot of work left to do in the lab and…"

"And you'll just sit your ass down and wait like everybody else." She turned to Tarn. "Now, get over here and help me unclog Helex."

"Yes, ma'am."

The green Seeker sighed and gave Tarn a disapproving frown. "Aren't you the leader of the Division?"

Tarn hesitantly said in an oddly boyish tone "…yes."

"Then why do you let her talk to you that way and boss you around?"

Just under his breath, Hellrider overheard Tesarus grumble, "For the same reasons he let's you do it…"

Tarn, however, said nothing and went to get a pry bar.

Chip suddenly went over to him. "Uh, hey Tarn, I don't mean to sound rude but what's up with the marks on—mmph!"

Clamping a hand over Chip's mouth as he scooped him back up, Hellrider gave Nickel a sheepish smile. "Hey! Why don't I show Chip how to setup the med-bed then let him help Moonheart? You know, just in case?"

"Sure."

Hellrider calmly but quickly carried Chip into a side room where the automatic medical units where kept. He shut and locked the door behind them.

"[Was that really necessary?]" asked Vos, stepping out from the shadows.

Hellrider just stared at him blankly as he put Chip back down.

"[Uh, I don't think he understands you]" Chip replied. "[By the way, what's the deal with Tran and that green guy?]"

"[They are… well, I'm not sure it's proper to discuss the nature of their relationship in polite company.]"

"Tarn is Acid Storm's bitch," Hellrider said flatly as he went over to one of the units in a desperate yet vain attempt to unsee what he'd seen in Tarn's head.

"[So you do understand Primal Vernacular]" said Vos sharply.

"…eh? I didn't quite get that, old man?"

"[Tell me, are you playing dumb or do you truly not understand me?]"

"Hey, Chip, you mind translating?"

"He wants to know if you understand what he's saying."

"Why?"

"Because you seemed to have caught what I was asking him about…"

"All I did was make an educated guess from seeing that they both had paint transfers and… uh, well…" Hellrider wanted to say he'd taken a peek into Tarn's recent memories, but Vos clearly understood modern Cybertronian and, as a member of the DJD, definitely could not to be trusted. Instead, he shrugged and said causally, "It's kind of gross how I know, but they just recently fucked."

"Is that's what that sweet, ozone smell was?" asked Chip as he went over to watch Hellrider. "Because it was pretty rank… Like burnt solder."

"[Mild scorching is a common side effect of overloads]" said Vos.

"Hey! Isn't an overload a bad thing?"

"Depends," replied Hellrider as he started up the med-bed. "In this case, it another term for '[orgasm]'."

"Oh. Oh!" Face flashing, Chip went quiet.

Taking advantage of the sudden silence, Hellrider took a look into Vos mind. What he saw was startling enough to cause him to stop what he was doing and stare at the mech.

"Hey! You okay?" asked Chip, gently shaking him.

"Yeah. I'm fine… And… there! We're all set." Hellrider opened the lid of the med-bed, silently promising himself to never leave anyone as young and vulnerable as Chip alone with this 'Vos'. "Chip, tell Old Man Creepy he can get in now."

"You know Vos understands what you're saying. He knows Neocybex."

"So?"

"You're being rude."

"[Don't worry about it, little one]" said Vos as he laid down in the med-bed. "[I'm used to such treatment from Decepticons. Acrimony and enmity are all these savages understand.]"

"[But aren't you a Decepticon?]"

"[As I said, don't worry about it.]"

Vos gave Chip another affectionate pet on his head before Hellrider slammed the lid shut and, after making sure the med-bed was running properly, headed to the door. Chip, however, hesitated.

"Shouldn't somebody stay with him? Just in case?"

"He'll be fine, man. Now come on! We've got a lot of patients to see."

"Okay, okay!" Chip grumbled as he reluctantly followed Hellrider out.

Without even looking as they headed towards an empty table, Hellrider gestured at Ruckus. "You. On the table. Now."

As the Trigger-con begrudgingly did as asked after some prompting from Windsweeper, Hellrider pulled the partitions around before going to wash his hands. He loaded up a tray with instruments and parts before hooking up the monitors to begin. Barely into the initial external examination, he paused, glared at something peeking out from the edge of a panel, tore it off, then turned that glare to Crankcase as he held it up. "What is this?"

"…looks like tape."

"Right. And what's it doing?"

Crankcase shrugged. "I dunno. Probably holding lines together or some crap like that."

"…why?"

"Because that's just how it is? That's how everybody does patch-ups."

"So you're saying I'm gonna find more of this shit inside?"

"…yes."

"In you too?"

Crankcase squirmed. "Hey! I don't need…"

"You've got a fucking head injury. You're getting checked when I'm done with him." Hellrider turned to Windsweeper. "And then it's your turn, buddy."

"Fine… But Ruckus and Crankcase have to stay."

"Sure. Whatever." Hellrider went back to work, hissing curses as he cleaned out the old tape, zip ties, and other jury-rigged fixes that appeared to be the only things holding Ruckus together. He eventually got down to actually doing repairs, with Windsweeper dutifully helping Chip by fetching parts out of the higher shelves. Finally, after double checking his work and reviewing the scan results, he closed Ruckus back up.

"All right. You're done. Crankcase, get up…"

"Hold on!" snapped Windsweeper as he began busily scrubbing the table as soon as Ruckus got off it.

"…don't worry about it," grumbled Crankcase when he noticed the look on Hellrider's face. "He's a clean freak. And a germophobe. Windsweeper would power-wash and autoclave the whole universe if he could."

"O-kay…" Hellrider went over to wash his hands again. "Well, while he's doing that, you mind telling me whatever problems you've got. Besides the head thing…"

"That's pretty much it. I ain't really got nothing wrong."

"I just scraped out enough shit from your buddy over there to build a whole 'nother robot. And you just said that's what you all have been doing instead of going to the medbay. So, I'm giving you one last chance to tell me what kind of disaster I'm about get into when I open you up or else…"

"Or else what?"

"Or I cut you fucking unit out and drop kick it out the door."

"Oooh! I'll take that, if you please!" Windsweeper suddenly chirped with a huge smile. "I don't want this nasty thing…"

"Hey!" barked Ruckus, giving Windsweeper a very hurt look. In a softer tone, he said, "Don't be hasty… I mean, you might regret that down the line and I… I've been meaning to tell you… See, you ain't nasty. Fuck! That came out wrong. What I mean is that what happened wasn't… Shit. I ain't good at this kind of crap. I… Look, I know this ain't a good time, but I just want to tell you that I… I… I…"

They all gave Ruckus a funny look as he stammered into silence.

"Did you break something?" hissed Windsweeper, turning a glare to Hellrider.

"Nope."

"Then why is he…"

"I just think you shouldn't get rid of your unit, that's all!" snapped Ruckus so loudly it echoed off the walls.

"…ah! Now there's the Ruckus I loath…" sneered Crankcase as he laid down on the newly cleaned table.

Hellrider said nothing, changing out the leads for fresh ones before hooking Crankcase up and beginning the examination. While nowhere near as much a mess as Ruckus had been, there was still plenty of ad-hoc repairs that needed replaced. Those were surprisingly easy, but then came the head injury.

"…okay. I don't know how to say this, but you're going to need some serious fucking work up here," said Hellrider as he removed the badly made patch that had been hidden underneath Crankcase's helmet to see the damage.

"I decline, thank you very much."

"You sure? It's going to take time, but I think I've got the parts. If not, I can always get that Krok guy to…"

"I ain't going to have corpse bits put in my head!"

"Beggars shouldn't be choosers, asshole…"

"Yeah, well if I ain't going die from it, then I don't need it fixed."

"Fine. Have it your way," grumbled Hellrider as he put a better patch in place. "But if you start noticing headaches, blurry vision, numbness in your limbs, or anything else strange, you better get your ass back in here for repairs. And you two, if either of you notice his speech slurring or erratic movements, get him in the medbay immediately."

"What if he's drunk?" barked Ruckus.

"He shouldn't be drinking or getting high. Just in case."

"Right… sure…" grumbled Crankcase as he got up and looked at Windsweeper. "It's your turn."

Hellrider cleaned up while Windsweeper scrubbed the table again, making sure to get leads and tools fresh out of the sterilizer before he started the check-up. To his astonished delight, Windsweeper had apparently been diligent about getting his maintenance done to the point that Hellrider only had to do a minor fluid change and update his file.

"You're good to go," he said, signaling for Windsweeper to get up.

The three of them had barely gotten past the partition when a large mech that looked like a radioactive Optimus Prime came charging into the medbay with a guy that looked like a bright orange Starscream following close behind. There were panicked cries as most of the others hurriedly jerked away to avoid even the smallest contact with either of these faintly glowing mechs. They finally stopped just in front of Hellrider as the Optimus clone looked down at him hopefully.

"You the new medic?"

"Yes."

"Good! Here!" The Optimus clone shoved a box into his hands.

"What the hell is this?"

"Force-field generator!" the clone said happily. "I want it installed."

"Why do you…?"

"Because I want to finally get laid, dammit!"

The orange Starscream gave him weary look. "My brother in Primus, we don't even know if this will work for you yet."

"Look, if these things can make you touchable, they'll work just fine."

"…brother, I hate to tell you this, but they don't always work."

"Just a joor or two is all I need!" gasped the Optimus clone then the looked back to Hellrider. "Now, put 'em in!"

"Hold up. Is this an emergency? Because there's already a lot of others in front of you…"

Picking him up like so they were eye level, the clone said desperately, "This is an emergency, glitch! I've got the worst case of brass bearings imaginable and I need to get them expressed pronto!"

"All right. I'll see what I can do… uh, what's your name?"

"Toxitron."

"Okay, Toxie. Put me down and let's see what's going on."

Once back on the ground, Hellrider took the box and put it on the tray before washing his hands and getting fresh tools. Toxitron was already laying on the table, which Hellrider noticed was starting to corrode from contact with the guy. Taking a closer look, he noticed little globs of sludge oozing out of the seams of Toxitron's plates.

"Hey, what's the deal with you?" he asked. "You some kind of radioactive mutant that melts whatever you touch?"

"Yes. Why the hell do you think I want that force-field generator!"

"…oh. Okay then." Hellrider took a moment to dig out some specialized leads meant for dealing with victims of chemical attacks and hooked Toxitron up to the monitors. He did a quick exam and, seeing that his impatient patient was healthy, quickly installed the generator. "There you go! You should be able to…"

Toxitron immediately got up and bear-hugged the first person he could, which happened to be a horrified Misfire. To everyone's stunned relief and Toxitron's joy, Misfire was miraculously unmelted.

"It works! It really fucking works!" Toxitron crowed happily as he danced around holding Misfire like an excited kid holding a toy.

"Uh… please put me down…"

"Huh? Oh, right. Sorry."

Dropping Misfire, he turned and hugged Hellrider just as tightly. "Thank you! Hey! You're kind of cute, for a dead guy. What you doing latter?"

"Brother… Brother, no. I cannot allow you to lie with an abomination."

Slipping free from Toxitron's grasp, Hellrider glared at the orange guy. "Let me guess: You're Sunstorm."

"Yes."

"And you're going to say that you don't want me working on you because I'm 'unclean' or some bullshit like that, right?"

"No. I am willing to accept contact with you in these circumstances as a necessary evil, prophet. The Lord has said that you and your kin are to be made welcome among His people as He believes you shall find grace in His light. But I must draw the line at allowing anything more… intimate."

"…uh-huh. Well, since you're here, you mind… uh, oh." Hellrider turned and saw the table had deteriorated to the point that it would likely snap to pieces with even the slightest pressure. He sighed and gestured for Sunstorm to follow him to the next table over. He'd barely pulled the partitions around before Acid Storm barged in.

"Excuse me, but…"
"Look, I don't want to hear you bitching about 'senority' right now."

"No. I just think I should you let me stay while you do Sunny's exam."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, he might have a field generator but whenever he gets over-excited, bad things happen."

"Like what?"

"He was made severely radioactive in a lab accident. Sunny puts out random EMP waves when he gets too emotional. It's kind of a curse."

"It is no curse," Sunstorm grumbled. "It is a blessing from the Lord. He has granted me the gift of His holy light"

"Of course he has…" murmured Acid Storm, giving Sunstorm a condescending pat on the shoulder. "Now, quiet down and let the new guy do his job."

With a hiss, Sunstorm grumbled quietly, "Lord, why must you test me so?"

"Yeah, brothers are like that," Hellrider said as he hooked up the monitors.

"We're not siblings," said Acid Storm.

"Oh. So, how long have you been…?"

"We're not spouses, either. My little brother joined the Elites and we took Sunstorm in exchange to keep our sextet stable."

"Says on your specs that you're younger than Starscream and TC, though…"

"My little brother's Skywarp. The Rainmakers are made up a two sets of triplets. Warp's sisters are Slipstream and Chemtrail."

"Kind of weird to trade siblings like that. I mean, I get that Warp and TC have a thing, but…"

"I'm Starscream and Thundercracker's clone," Sunstorm replied calmly. "He and Thundercracker branched into twins instead of triplets. They created me to prevent problems later on…"

"Why? I thought twinning was common among Cybertronians," said Chip as he suddenly popped up at Hellrider's hip.

"Not for Seeker types," Hellrider said, going through the exam carefully. "The way they're wired means they can have severe psychological issues if they aren't in a trine. Usually, they'd euthanize twins as almost all of their kind are cold constructed, which makes it kind of strange they went to the trouble of cloning to make triplets."

"Both Starscream and Thundercracker are outliers," said Acid Storm. "Since those are so rare even among the forged, it was decided to branch their sparks again and combine the resultant crystal matrix to create an artificial triplet. Who also turned out to be an outlier."

"I was a fucking science project," hissed Sunstorm. "They wanted to see if they could make more freaks…"

"Hey! You ain't the only outlier here, you know?" huffed Acid Storm.

"You one too?" Chip asked, staring up at Acid Storm.

"Yeah. All the Rainmakers are. Acid's specs says he's able to create acid rain and have some minor ability to manipulate local weather," said Hellrider. "While Sunny here has a solar-powered fusion reactor and used to be able to produce nuclear bursts on command."

"Used to be?" asked Chip.

"There was an accident," said Acid Storm. "Something went wrong when Shockwave tried to transfer vital data to safe sites during an Autobot raid and Sunny ended up getting Vector Sigma dumped directly into his brain module. His minds been fried ever since."

Sunstorm laughed. "Accident? That I was chosen by Primus to receive His divine wisdom was no accident! It was a blessing. A blessing from the Lord!"

"Right…" muttered Acid Storm. "Well, whatever it was, it left Sunny here with a nasty case of power incontinence to the point we had to keep him locked up for years because he'd nuke everything in about an eight klik radius. Screamer finally figured out how to make a force field generator strong enough to prevent that but small enough to install inside Sunny so he can actually walk around without killing everybody. Unfortunately, the thing tends to short out whenever Sunny gets too worked up."

"If you want, I can take a look around and see if there's a way to fix that," said Hellrider as he finished the last bit of tuning on Sunstorm. "Other than some rather minor shorts in his personality component, everything looks good. The shorts might be what's causing the problem, so maybe if I…"

"Prophet, I will not have you snuff out the holy light given to me by the Lord Himself."

"That's not what I was going to do. I'm just offering to give you a dimmer switch for it."

"I must decline, prophet."

"All right. Then we're done." He let Sunstorm get off the table and gestured at Acid Storm. "Your turn."

"I thought we were doing this by most to least damaged?"

"Well, if you want to get back in line and wait…"

"No. This is fine." Acid Storm got up one the table as Hellrider went to wash his hands. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"The hand washing. I've noticed all you medics doing that. Why?"

"It's a hygienic thing."

"Seems a bit of a waste, both of time and cleaning solvents. Same with changing out the leads each patient. It's wasting a lot of power to clean those every time."

"Look, I was literally elbow deep in Horri-Bull earlier. Do you really want me going straight from that to working on you?"

"…good point."

Now with a compliant patient, Hellrider hooked him up and began the exam. It was all going well until the scan finished and flashed a warning. Hellrider looked at it, reading and re-reading it before running a second, deeper scan.

"What was that?" asked Acid Storm after catching a glance at the warning.

"Don't worry about it. It might be a false-positive."

"For what?"

Before he could reply, an enraged Nickel stormed past the partition with an even more grim Tarn in her wake.

"Tell me," she said going over to the table to confront one very confused Seeker. "Who the hell have you been fucking recently?"

"…I'm sorry?"

"Who you been fucking?"

"Why are you…?"

"You got a bad case of the Yellowing, man," said Hellrider as he showed them the deep scan results. "Don't worry, though. Seems like we caught it in the early stages, so you'll just need a few weeks of anti-virals to get rid of it. But I think you better tell us who gave it to you, because…"

"ACID STORM! YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD TO ME!"

As Thundercracker burst in like a vengeful destroying angel, Skywarp sudden blipped between him and Acid Storm.

"What the fuck?! I'm not fucking Acid Storm!"

"WELL HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THE YELLOWING THEN?!"

"…uh, it's… complicated…"

"Complicated my ass!" Pushing past him, Thundercracker went over and dragged Acid Storm to his feet. "When? Just tell me when, you bastard!"
Acid Storm just stared in confusion. "When what?!"
"When did you two fuck?!"

"…we didn't. In fact, we've never. Seriously. This is my little sister we're talking about…"

"…brother," Skywarp growled softly. "I'm your brother."

Ignoring that, Thundercracker gave Acid Storm a doubting sneer. "Then how the fuck did…?"

Buzzsaw swooped in, landing on top of the monitor and glowering at them. "Uh, yeah. Like Warp said, it's… complicated. By the way, mind giving me those anti-virals now? I'm getting an itch…"

They all stared at the bird in shocked silence.

"Buzzsaw?" muttered Skywarp as he glared from him to Acid Storm. "Buzzsaw?! How? He doesn't even have a unit!"

"…don't ask me. I didn't fuck the bird."

"But you fucked Warp," growled Thundercracker.

"No. I just told you, we never have and never will. It's just… no. No way in hell." Acid Storm paused then said, "But Bitsteam's got a lot of explaining to do…"

Thundercracker said nothing as he turned and stormed back out.

"You slept with Bitstream?" asked Tarn, a wounded tone slipping past his general menace.

"I told you this was just a casual thing," Acid Storm grumbled as Hellrider unhooked the leads and gave him a shot of anti-virals before handing over a packet of capsules.

"…yes, but…"

"But what? You're a big boy, Tarn. You knew this wasn't serious from the start, right?"

There was a long, tense moment of silence, then Tarn said stiffly, "Of course. I… I just thought you'd be a bit more… selective."

"How the hell was I supposed to know Bitstream would fuck the bird?"

"You could've used protection, you know?" said Hellrider dryly as he gave Buzzsaw and Skywarp shots.

"Yeah, like I keep telling you to!" Nickel huffed as Thundercracker returned dragging a much younger looking red Seeker behind him by the scruff of his neck. "I've gave you plenty of sheaths to use, haven't I?"

"Yes, ma'am. You have."

"Then why aren't you using them?!"

"I thought Acid Storm was more faithful… about keeping himself clean, that is."

"Implying that this is all my fault? You're the one who keeps bitching about how it feels better without one of those damn things on, boy."

Tarn simply offered his arm without a word so Hellrider could give him the soon as it was done, he took the packet of anti-viral capsules then turned and calmly walked out.

Skywarp turned to Acid Storm. "Bro? Did you just seriously dump Tarn?"

"No. We'd have to actually be dating for that to happen. It was just casual hook-ups, that's all."

"Well, that might what it was to you. But I think Tarn saw things differently, bro…"

"I don't see why. I fucking told him this was just about the sex."

"Hook-ups or not, you better watch your ass."

"Warp, you're being stupid… again."

"No, he's got a point," said Thundercracker as he held the squirming and protesting Bitstream still so Hellrider could give him a shot. "Even if it wasn't more than sex, you still very publicly humiliated him. And I've seen him butcher guys for less than that shit…"

"Well, it wouldn't have been public if someone hadn't come roaring in accusing me of fucking one of my baby sisters!"

"Brother," snapped Skywarp. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I'm your baby brother?!"

"Sorry, force of habit. But I think you all get the point."

"Still doesn't explain how the hell dumbass here caught it from the birdy," said Thundercracker, tightening his grip on the now panicking Bitstream. "My morbid curiosity about how you pulled that off is the only reason I ain't smashed you stupid head in."

"But I didn't fuck Buzzsaw!" gasped Bitstream.

"Then how did you get the Yellowing?"

Buzzsaw suddenly let out a nasty little chuckle. "Well, let's just say it's the Autobot's problem now and leave it at that…"

Bitstream gaped at him in shock. "Dude… What? How?!"

"Let me guess: Fireflight, right?" said Thundercracker in a monotone.

"Actually, it was Divebomb," said Buzzsaw while looking a bit ashamed of himself. "And I found out he got it from Puggy, who must've gave it to Vortex who gave it to Divebomb, who gave it to me and then Bitstream… who gave it to Acid Storm yesterday and then Warp this morning…"

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" barked Skywarp before he lunged for the bird.

"Whoa! Hold up!" Hellrider got between them long enough for Thundercracker to let go of Bitstream and pull Skywarp back. "Who's Puggy?"

"Repugnus," hissed Skywarp, going limp and livid in Thundercracker's arms. "Is the nastiest creature in the known universe…"

"I thought that was Horri-Bull," Hellrider said in a calm tone as he prep another shot and went over to Thundercracker.

"Honestly, I'd call it tie between them…" muttered Thundercracker aloud in a painfully tired tone while he said over a private line to Hellrider, "[I don't need one.]"

"[You're boyfriend's got a VD and you don't…]"

"[We haven't had sex in over two years, okay?]"

"[Okay. But it's going to look weird if I don't give you one too.]"

After a tiny, uncomfortable pause, Thundercracker said bluntly "I don't really give a shit anymore."

"[Sure you don't…]" Discretely switching the anti-viral ampoule out, Hellrider gave the Seeker a quick jab in the arm.

"Fuck!"

"[Chill. It was just plain energon. You're getting placebo pills, too.]"

"…tell me something Nickel," Thundercracker growled as he glared at Hellrider. "Ratchet didn't accidentally knock-up Pharma with a bud or something, did he? I know you medics like to party and they used to be fuck buddies back in the day so…"

"None that I know about. Why?"

"Just curious…" he said, still glaring at Hellrider but smiling now.

"What the hell are you implying, TC?" asked Hellrider, then over the private line, "[What the fuck are you doing?!]"

"[Seeing how detailed that cover story is, Raoul.]"

"I was constructed cold," Hellrider replied, hiding his shock under a massive sneer of arrogance as he shoved two packets of capsules into the Seeker's hands. "I don't know who sired my line. Now, you and Warp take these as instructed on the package and get the fuck out of my medbay."

"Okay. Now you got me wondering if you might be Pharma's bastard lovechild with Ratchet," said Nickel in a tone that was disturbingly ambiguous about whether or not she was being serious. "Because the longer I think about it, the more you remind me of both those jerks. You've got Pharma's charming bedside manner and Ratchet's utter lack of fucks to give…"

"Who knows?" Going over to wash his hands, Hellrider said with a much professionalism as he could muster, "Now, if you don't need anything more from me, ma'am, I'd like to get back to work."

"Chip, you give him the list yet?"

"…not yet." He limped over and handed a datapad to Hellrider. "Here's what Moonheart and I got from our intake exam, in order of who needs the most work done."

"Thank you." He glanced at list, then smiled at Bitstream. "Well, looks like you're next. Now, get up on the table."

"Shows over, boys," Nickel grumbled as she herded the others out, leaving only Hellrider, Chip, Bitstream, and a strangely smug Buzzsaw behind.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Hellrider snarled as he gave the bird a dirty look.

"The old man wants to see you immediately," Buzzsaw said giddily. "Something about you taking an unauthorized trip into Autobot territory…"

"Tell the bastard I was getting materials for a proof of concept."

"Gathering materials? Is that what they're calling it now?"

"Calling what?"

"The old man didn't like you flirting with that little red Autobot."

Hellrider about asked how Soundwave could know that so soon since he was still on Earth, then a realization hit him. "How long has he been back?"

"About a week, Earth time. He's had me and Beaky keeping an eye on you. The old man was pretty worried about you, you know? Damn near tore Screamer a new one over it. And that's before Lord Megatron got hold of him…"

"And he's here too, isn't he?"

"Yes. Like I said, they've been here about a week, holding meetings with Scorponok, Overlord, and the DJD. You know… Plotting. Scheming. The usual."

"Fantastic." Turning back to his patient, Hellrider casually said, "How about you just take your packet of caps and fuck off, birdbrain. Oh! And please tell your master to kiss the filthiest part of my exhaust port. I'm too busy to deal with his bullshit right now."

"You know, he ain't gonna like that…"

Without warning, Hellrider grabbed a wrench and flung it at Buzzsaw, who just barely dodged out of the way by taking to the air.

Bitstream gave him a funny look. "…yeah. Now I see why everybody thinks you're one of Ratchet's kids."

Hellrider made no reply, simply going back to work. He soon finished with the maintenance on Bitstream, shoved a packet of capsules into his hand and shooed him out.

"…maybe you shouldn't have done that," said Chip as he helped clean up.

"Fuck it. The bird has it coming."

"I mean talking like that about Soundwave. You're going to get us both in trouble."

"Why? You didn't say anything. I did."

"Yeah, well, the guy's not above making all of us suffer for it."

"But you didn't do shit, man."

"It's Soundwave. Did you forget he's, like, evil and stuff?"

"Look, don't worry about it," Hellrider said with a smile. "I'm not going to let him or anybody else hurt you, okay?"

"Sure…"

"I mean it. You're my buddy and a man looks out for his friends. Now, who's next?"

"That would be…" Chip checked the list but a gold and red mech with a lion's face on his breastplate came barging in dragging along another similar colored mech with wings and a bird motif.

Hellrider glared at them. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Know that I am Razorclaw," announced the lion guy as three more animal themed mechs shuffled past the partition. "And know that my idiot sibling just gave our whole team the fucking Yellowing!"

"Will you get over it?!" snapped the bird guy. "How the fuck was I to know Vortex was screwing an Autobot?"

"Technically, Whirl's a Wrecker," said one of the other mechs, this one with bull horn.

"So what?! They're still an Autobot."

"Tantrum, he's got a point," muttered the other guy with a rhino horn.

"No he don't, Headstrong!" Tantrum snorted. "Not all the Wreckers are Autobots. Some of 'em are neutrals or defectors from our side. Anyway, Whirl was twice voted as the most likely Autobot to defect…"

"Will you all shut the hell up?" snapped the last guy, not even looking up from the data screen in his hand. "I'm trying to listen to the music."

Razorclaw just turned to Hellrider. "Look, will you just give us the damn shots already? I'm starting to get itchy…"

"Fine. But can Divebomb please explain how the fuck he gave it to Buzzsaw?" said Hellrider. "Not just because I am morbidly curious about how you got a VD from a guy with no spike or holes to put one into, but also because I need to know how this shit is getting passed around before anybody else catches it."

"…uh, I honestly don't remember."

"Why?"

"Look, I was drinking on a BORG the other night," he snapped, hissing in pain at being given a sudden injection.

"A what?"

"You know, a BORG, a black-out rage growler. Point is, the last thing I remember was doing shots of Widowmaker with Misfire and then I woke up in my nest with all my panels open cuddling Buzzy."

Razorclaw let out a low growl. "…oh, for fuck's sake! Not again…"

"Okay, so how did you all get it?" asked Chip before Hellrider could stop him. "You just said this Divebomb guy here's your brother, so…"

"They're a combiner team," said Hellrider. "They likely caught it from him after they combined. Right?"

"That's exactly what happened," said Razorclaw. "We had to form Predaking to break up another brawl between Overlord and Sixshot."

"Sixshot? Like, the babysitter for those rapist bastards, right?"

"…yes. We've had to put up with the Terrorcons and Abomnius too."

"Interesting," grumbled Hellrider as he gave a shot to Razorclaw. "So there's, what, like three whole combiner teams, two Phase Sixers, what looks like all the Seekers, and the Justice Division all in town? Why?"

"The Wreckers are here," said Razorclaw as he watched Hellrider give Tantrum and Headstrong their shots.

"And that's enough to warrant this much firepower?"

"These are the Wreckers, boy."

"So fucking what?" Hellrider said with a laugh, going over to the last guy and glancing at what he was watching. "Hey! Is that MTV?"

"Yup! Rumble set me up so I can stream it from Earth."

"Neat," said Hellrider, prepping the injector as he watched. "But I still don't know why the hell they got those white boys are lip syncing to the Beastie Boys in the video…"

"Uh, those are the Beastie Boys."

Hellrider stared at him in shock. "You telling me there's a bunch of white boys who can rap?"

"I guess so," the guy replied, not even noticing the shot. "But why do you keep saying these humans are 'white'?"

"Because that's their race. See, on Earth, humans are broken down into different races based on their skin color."

"…but they aren't white," the guy grumbled, squinting at the screen. "They look more pink to me."

"Look, it's pretty complicated… uh, what's your name?"

"Rampage."

"Right. It's complicated, man."
"How do you know so much about the squishies?"

"Because we're from Earth," answered Chip.

Razorclaw gave him and Hellrider a long, calculated look. "So, you're another one of those 'God Masters'?"

"Well, part of me is," muttered Hellrider, gently slapping a hand over Chip's mouth to keep him quiet. "See, I'm kind of stuck with a human for a lasercore."

"Like a Headmaster?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting… And how does that work? Is the thing is sleeping or does it have a say in your actions?"

"Why you asking me that?"

"Because Darkwing and Dreadwind have told me their binary partners are constantly nagging them."

"Well, unlike them, my little problem knows his place."

"So it doesn't interact with you?"

Hellrider ignored the question by saying in a sharp tone, "You've gotten your shots. Starting tomorrow, each one of you needs to take these capsules once a day for the next three weeks to clear it up and come in if you notice anything like an allergic reaction. Now, get out. Oh, and use some goddamn protection next time any of you fuck."

Without a word, Razorclaw and his team left.

"[What was that about your little problem?]" Chip asked over a private line. "[I… I am talking to Raoul, right?]"

"[Yes. We're the same person, if that's what you want to know.]"

"[Then why are you telling everybody you're two different people?!]"

"[Don't worry about it, okay? We've got too much work to do to get into it right now.]"

"[Fine, but you better explain yourself later]" Chip huffed before leaning past the partition to call the next patient in.

Things went smoothly as they saw the rest of the Rainmakers, the Coneheads, Dreadwind, and Darkwing. Then a rather annoyed Onslaught came in with Vortex and Swindle.

"TC just told me my idiotic sibling here has the Yellowing," he grumbled, jerking a thumb at Vortex.

Hellrider loaded the injector. "Yeah. He…"

"Actually, I'm a they," said Vortex as they got up onto the table.

"Right. Well, they are getting a shot and a round of anti-virals. I suppose the rest of your team needs…"

"We don't, actually," said Onslaught. "We have not been able to form Bruticus as Swindle has been refusing to enter full gestalt."

"Because I didn't obviously didn't want to catch that shit!" Swindle huffed defensively.

"But how could you have known I had the Yellowing, asshole?"

Swindle smiled and shrugged. "Oh, I… I just noticed you were chatting up that Wrecker and… well, I made an educated guess that you'd catch something…"

Onslaught pulled a small box from his subspace, holding it out for them all to see. "Then what the hell are these for?"

"What is it?" asked Chip, craning his neck up to try reading the discrete little label.

"Replacement seals," said Hellrider as he took the box and opened it so Chip could see them.

"Seals for what? A blown gasket?"

"Oh, somebody got blown!" cackled Vortex as they gave Swindle a thumbs up. "Congratulations on punching your V-card, lil bro! How much did you get for it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…" grumbled Swindle as he snatched the box back.

"I am more concerned about who did it," Onslaught said coldly.

"You know," huffed Swindle. "I don't hear you laying into the rest of the team over they're sex lives. I mean, for fuck's sake, Vortex literally got the Yellowing!"

"That's because they aren't minors, Swindle."

"Legally speaking, I am of age," snapped Swindle.

"No you are not," Onslaught growled back. "You're only twenty!"

"Twenty?!" said Chip. "He's right. The age of consent is eighteen."

"In Iacon. But it's twenty-one in Vos," replied Onslaught. "Same as in Koan, Helex, and most importantly, Tarn! Which is why it's Decepticon law!"

"…I'll be twenty-one in less than a week, Ons. And by Junkion law, I've been legal for over eight giga-cycles."

"Yes, but you aren't legal right here or right now. So, who was it?"

As Hellrider did their exam, Vortex giggled suddenly. "Dude! Really? Can I ask you something, Swindle: did he use the hook?"

Swindle said nothing but Onslaught glared at their sibling. "What are you talking about, Vortex?"

"Bruticus says it was Lockdown," said Vortex. "And I all want to know is if he used the hook or not?"

"How much?" asked Onslaught in a deceptively calm tone.

"Listen, Ons…" began Swindle nervously.

"How fucking much did you sell yourself to that bastard for?"

"If you want to start shit with somebody about this, then I suggest you take it up with Soundwave," Swindle snapped as he pointed at Hellrider. "Because he just had to have those specific hands."

"Seriously? You prostituted yourself for a pair of hands?!"

"Well, what else was I supposed to do? Soundwave ordered me to get Trepan's hands and Lockdown just happened to have looted them from the Autobot crypts years ago, so we cut a deal which included a rather lucrative business arrangement…"

Over the comm-lines, they all heard Starscream say coldly, "[The only arrangement I want to see from that goddamn merc is a marriage certificate and a band on your wrist.]"
Swindle groaned miserably. "[Primus, dad! You're blowing this out of proportion! See, I just…]"

"[I'm in a meeting right now. But we're going to have a long talk about this later, boy]" growled Starscream. "[Hellrider, when you do Swindle's exam, please check to be sure there's no internal damage from…]"

"[Lockdown didn't do that]" Hellrider replied as he handed Vortex their capsules and gestured for Swindle to lay down.

Getting up in his face, Swindle said, "How the hell do you know that?"

"You mean besides the fact that you walked all the way here?"

"[Point. Just make sure the fucker didn't give my little boy anything, all right? Over and out.]" With that, Starscream curtly cut out.

"You owe me for all this shit…" Swindle growled, getting on the table.

"Hey! It ain't my fault the only way your boyfriend could get you to finally put out was to blackmail you into it."

"Oh, that's not the problem. I enjoyed that part of the deal very much… It's the fact I've got to put up with my big brother's bullshit over it!"

"You slept with Lockdown to get a pair of hands!" huffed Onslaught. "And you're underage…"

"In about thirty-six joors, I'll be of age," Swindle huffed back as Hellrider started the exam. "And you can tell dad to calm down about all this marriage crap!"

"I'm just amazed you didn't already elope with him," said Vortex as they hung back to continue watching the show. "I mean, you and Lockdown are the kind of people to get hitched just for those sweet, sweet tax breaks and widow benefits."

"…holy fuck, guys! You can't seriously be trying to rush me into this. I mean, Lockdown and I haven't been together for all that long…"

"Bro, the guy is literally your only friend," Vortex said.

"He is not! I've got other friends!"

"Really? Name three."

"Well, there's Trickdiamond…"

"Who only talks to you because you're her main distributor."

"Okay, fine. Then how about Kickback and Tentakil?"

"That's only because you happen to be the producer of those pornos you've got them starring in."

"Hey! I give them each a fifteen percent cut, just like I give Trickdiamond!"

"…okay. So maybe they are your friends."

"For real?" asked Chip. "He only gives them each fifteen percent!"

"Listen, bunny-boy, after factoring in their cuts along with the overhead costs like lighting, paying the other performers, and prophylactics on top of the 'contributions' I have to make to keep from getting hassled by security, I'm only getting forty percent of the profits."

"Ain't any of you getting royalties?" asked Hellrider as he finished the exam and unhooked Swindle.

"Yes, but I cannot discuss those details as per our contracts."

"You legally can't even enter into contractual agreements without dad's consent!" said Onslaught as he moved aside to let Blast Off and a dark green mech in.

"Well, no. Not in Vos, I can't… But according to the legal codes of Tesarus, I've been an adult since I turned seventeen."

Onslaught just buried his face in his hand. "…god damn it, Swindle."

"What? The laws of Tesarus hold just as much weight in Decepticon legal codes as the other four principle states," huffed Swindle as he headed out with a giggly Vortex.

"But we were all built in Vos, Swindle."

"Which was why I got myself a certificate of multiple citizenships." He grinned, producing a laminated slip of poly-stock to show them. "Granted, this cost me a lot of money, but it's been an investment worth every shanix."

"For the love of Primus, Swindle…"

"Okay," said Hellrider as he looked at the last three Combaticons. "Who's next?"

"That will be Brawl," said Onslaught as he gestured for the green guy to get on the table.

"I don't fucking need shit," he barked back.

"For god's sake… Brawl, we've talked about this! You either get maintenance done, or they're going to pull us all off the front-lines."

"Fine. But only if that guys pops his visor up."

Hellrider paused in the middle of cleaning. "I'm sorry. What?"

"Pop your visor up. I wanna see your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because none of your team ever shows their eyes."

Onslaught sighed. "Brawl, your know Overlord doesn't have a visor…"

"And his shit's been fucked up forever!" Brawl snarled back. "But he's actually a Cybertronian. So I want to see it, man. I have to know."

"Know what?"

"I wanna know if you're a human."

Hellrider just went back to setting up. "I don't see why that matters…"

"It fucking matters more than you think, you son of a bitch!" Brawl snapped, slamming a fist onto the table. "Now, show me your eyes!"

With a shrug, Hellrider flipped up his visor and moved to let the all get a good look. "There. Happy?"

"…Primus," gasped Blast Off as he and his teammates stared at Hellrider.

"What is wrong with your eyes?" asked Onslaught in quiet horror.

Brawl said nothing as he got up onto the table, but Onslaught grabbed Hellrider before he could start working.

"What the fuck is wrong with your eyes?!" he asked again, forcing Hellrider to look at him.

"He's a human, Ons," said Brawl with such smugness that he'd make his father proud. "They all get them, just like Presser said."

"No I'm not," huffed Hellrider as put his visor down and faceplate up. "I just have a human as one of my components, that's all. Like a Headmaster."

Brawl laughed. "…yeah. Just keep on telling everybody that…"

"I can't believe you've been talking to that creature again," said Blast Off in disgust.

"Hey! That's my baby's mama you're talking about!"

Hellrider gave him a shocked look. "She's you're what?"

"Look," said Onslaught, now sounding utterly done with everything. "I'm not sure how accurate it is for you to call B.O.T. II your child…"

"How dare you talk about little Deuce like that! You're just mad that out of the six of us, I'm the only one who's given the old man a grand-baby!"

"As far as we know," said Blast Off. "I mean, Vortex really gets around. And Swindle might've gotten a bit more than a great deal on some body parts from Lockdown…"

"He ain't pregnant," said Hellrider as he began working on Brawl. "At least, if he's got a bud, it ain't showing up on the scans yet."

Onslaught just put his head back in his hands, stifling a little sob.

Blast Off gently put an arm around him, letting Onslaught lean against him. "It's okay, honey. I'm pretty sure none of us can bud, so… yeah. Nothing to worry about."

"Honey?" said Chip, giving them a disgusted look. "He's your brother."

"By adoption. Starscream is our foster father. Only Ons and Swindle are from the same line. I married in, while Vortex and Brawl are our amcias."

"What's that?"

"It means they're really close friends," said Hellrider, gesturing for Brawl to get up. "They have a formal ceremony to declare they're friends for life by binding their sparks together."

"I thought that was a conjunx endura."

"…no," said Onslaught, pulling away from Blast Off. "Those are two very different things, little one."

"How could you not know that?" asked Blast Off as he laid on the table.

In a flat tone, Brawl said, "He don't know because he's a human too. That's the one that was Prowl's little pet."

Blast Off and Onslaught both looked at Chip.

"Okay,' said Onslaught. "I'll give you that this one is a human in a transtector. But the other guy is one of our kind."

"What about those eyes?"

"Maybe he got them from Overlord?"

"How? Overlord's CNA has been fucked up so bad he can't have offspring."

"Well, dear, maybe some crazy bastard figured out a way to un-fuck his CNA to make other monsters like him. I mean, you've seen his teammates. Perhaps Jhiaxus or Mesothulas was involved in their creation. This guy certainly acts like Mesothulas' kid… ouch!"

"Oh, sorry," said Hellrider as hooked up the next cable. "Had to push a bit harder on that last one. Port must have been a bit dirty."

Onslaught glared at him. "Seriously, you ever get a paternity test done Hellrider? Because I really think you should get one."

"Why the hell should I?"

"Because I'm pretty sure Pharma owes either Ratchet or Nickel some serious child support for you."

"Probably owes both. I mean, you all saw how he acts around the DJD," grumbled Blast Off while Hellrider worked on him. "The fact that Tarn hasn't ripped his head off and shoved it up his exhaust port yet is pretty telling…"

Hellrider sighed. "Look, I don't get where you all are getting it in your heads that I'm related to Ratchet."

"Well, they've got a point," said Chip with a devious grin. "You act so much like Ratchet, right down to the wrench hurling."

Closing Blast Off up and gesturing for him to get off the table, Hellrider just silently cleaned up.

"There's nothing wrong with admitting you're a Dynobot," said Onslaught as he got up on the table.

"But he's not," Chip said. "Hellrider doesn't turn into a dinosaur… well, as far as I know, that is."

Onslaught turned to the little mech as Hellrider began his exam. "They had standard body types once. If I recall correctly, Wheeljack converted them to keep the Dynobots from losing their rights as citizens when Nominus Prime took over and immediately had all primitives declared property."

"Honey, I think you're giving the bastard too much credit. By that point, it was the Senate calling all the shots. They just needed the Primes around to act as a rubber stamp," grumbled Blast Off.

"Why would a Prime do such a thing?!" asked Chip.

"You mean besides the fact Nominus was a racist, classist, and fascist bastard more concerned about keeping up appearances than actually working to make Cybertron a better place to live?" Onslaught chuckled grimly.

"The Scramble City Incident happened," said Hellrider in a flat tone. "The 'abomination' known as… well, Abominus went on a rampage that nearly wiped Kalis off the map, which Nominus and the Senate used as an excuse to institute planet-wide crackdowns on gestalts, primitives, and other 'non-conforming models'."

Chip frowned. "And just how did they define 'primitives'? Was it just anybody that turned into a prehistoric animal?"

"It was anyone with a beast form, period," replied Onslaught. "Which might explain why your friend here is so protective of you. And why he's pretty fucking reluctant to discuss his life before the War. For all their blustering and machismo, all the Dynobots suffered under Nominus' reign and still bear the trauma, even after they converted."

Hellrider glared at him. "And just what makes you think that? Why do you think I'm one of those guys?"

"You punched out Motormaster for kicking the little one. You clearly have no fear of the DJD from the death-glare you gave Vos and the way you talk to them. (Though maybe you are one of Nickel's relatives…) You've got that special kind of impulsively violent and egotistical attitude every fucking one of them have. If you're not a goddamn Dynobot, then I'm a fucking clown car!"

"Well, honk-honk motherfucker! We're done," said Hellrider as he unhooked Onslaught. "You've got a clean bill of health, Bozo. Now, get out."

"But are you?" asked Blast Off.

"Am I what?"

"A Dynobot?"

Hellrider threw up his hands in annoyance. "Who the fuck cares? All that matters to you is that I've cleared your team for active duty, provided you don't combine for two weeks. Then, I expect you to drag Vortex back in here and we'll see if their clean. Now, do you have any important questions?"

"No."

"Then quit wasting my time and go."

"But that is a rather important question you haven't answered, Hellrider," Kaon said in a giddy tone as he came in and held the partition for Knock-Out. "Are you a Dynobot?"

"…seriously?! I've got too much shit to do today to waste on that!"

"Well! After that little outburst, I'd say it's almost certain you're related to Ratchet!" Knock-Out said. "But I suppose we'll just have to wait for the results to confirm it."

"What test?" asked Hellrider.

"Nickel wants to do an exam on you and Chip before she'll let you work on her boys. Which is why I'll be finishing up here. She's waiting for you in Room 76. Now, run along."

Scooping Chip up before the little guy could start with the questions again, Hellrider went out without a word and headed for the isolation rooms at the back of the medbay.

"You still haven't answered the question, Hellrider," said Kaon, grinning as he trotted along beside him.

Hellrider ignored him but Chip wiggled around so he could glare at the other mech. "You know, for a jerk, you're really pretty when you smile."

The grin immediately disappeared from Kaon's face, transforming into a frigid glare.

"…the fuck, Chip?" Hellrider hissed out loud.

"What? He has a very pretty smile." Chip turned back to Kaon, saying brightly, "You have a very pretty smile. You should do it more often."

Kaon stayed silent though just a surface level peek let Hellrider know the guy was equally pissed off and flustered by Chip's comments. He also got a vivid look at exactly what Kaon typically did with people who made him pissed off and flustered.

"[Chip, buddy, maybe you ought to shut up for a bit]" said Hellrider over their line.

"[Why? All I said was he was pretty… I mean, sure, we're both dudes but everything I've seen while hanging around the Autobots seems to show that they don't really care much about gender… well, except Sunstreaker. He's outright said he's gay, so…]"

"[This ain't about that]" Hellrider grumbled. "[First off, we ain't dealing with Autobots.]"

"[Yeah, I know. But that big guy, Helex, was pretty casual about saying he was sleeping with another man… uh, well, a bug who happens to be male… Kickback is a man, right? Of course, Helex was pretty casual about being a freaking cannibal, so…]"

"[Chip, man, that ain't what this is about either. I'll spare you some pretty ugly details, but you really, really, really need to fucking stop antagonizing these guys. Especially the DJD.]"

"[Jesus… Raoul, they aren't all that scary. I mean, Vos is really nice and Helex doesn't seem too bad-except for the cannibalism. I'm sure Tesarus isn't all that bad either. Tarn's a royal asshole, but he's probably just mad he got dumped. Nickel's pretty reasonable, too. And Kaon would an awfully pretty boy if he wasn't being a jerk all the time.]"

"[Pardon me]" Kaon droned as he cut into the line. "[But I feel I must make you aware that I am the communications officer of the Decepticon Justice Division. And I have been listening in on your conversation for some time.]"

"How long?" snapped Hellrider.

Kaon simply smiled sweetly as he opened a door for them. "Here they are, sir. Ready for interrogation."

"Thank you, Kaon." Tarn was lounged in one of the chairs in front of the terminal with Tesarus and the new transformed Helex flanking him. He gestured towards the examine table. "Please, take a sit Hellrider. We have much to discuss."

"…oh, for fuck's sake," Nickel growled while adjusting the table so it was lower enough for her to work at. "This is an inspection, not an interrogation. I just want to make sure neither of them have anything wrong. Oh! And do a paternity test… just in case."

"Then, once that's done, Nickel will go help Knock-Out while we have a little chat with our new comrades about what it means to be a Decepticon," Tarn said in a soft, mellow tone that seemed like he was trying to put them at ease.

Hellrider, however, had seen enough of his mind already to know that when Tarn was playing 'nice', things were about to go horribly bad for them. The eager smiles on Helex and Tesarus' faces also made it crystal clear what direction that 'little chat' was going to go. Shifting his hold on Chip to make sure he wouldn't drop him should they have to run for it, he coldly sneered, "Excuse me, but are you saying that I ain't loyal to the Decepticons? Because it sounds like you think I'm a traitor."

"There's no need to get defensive. The boys and I simply want to impress upon you two the importance of adhering to the values and goals of our Lord Megatron's glorious cause. By the way, do you like music?"

"Why?"

"I was just thinking that putting a bit of music on. I have a special fondness for the works of Eucryphia. The Empyrean Suite is a personal favorite… a real masterpiece!"

"I prefer his Hymn to the Martyrs myself."

Tarn tilted his head quizzically, surprised that Hellrider knew anything about Cybertronian music. "An… interesting choice. Pity he was killed before finishing it. In fact, Eucryphia hadn't even named it before he died, though the piece is commonly known by that title or Eucryphia's Untitled #108 if we're going by the later archivist who recovered his works. Such a tragedy when artists die too soon… It was to be an anthem to the glory of the Thirteen, but has become quite a moving tribute to those who would die during the First Civil War. But we can discuss music and other things once Nickel has finished."

The words came out cloyingly pleasant, which put Hellrider even more on edge and left him feeling slightly ill. Then again, that might just be because Tarn was doing that thing with his voice again. Standing his ground silently, he took a moment to consider his options.

Tarn remained seated, watching and waiting. Helex and Tesarus stayed just as still as two grinning statues, but Hellrider wasn't going just assume that should shit go down they couldn't respond quickly. Nickel was by the table with a look on her face the wordless announced she was absolutely fucking done with Tarn's bullshit for the day. To his right and just behind him was Kaon smiling with a radiance that could only be measured in gigawatts, delighted at the prospect of introducing Chip to a whole new world of electricity based horrors. He might be able to make a break for it, but these guys were the types who just loved a good chase before the kill. Plus, he wasn't sure where Vos was. He might still be in the med-bed, but…

As if on cue, Vos came walking in with Deadlock and Ravage.

"[I've brought the traitor and the cat," said Vos calmly, giving Hellrider a sidelong look.

"Thank you, Vos."

Hellrider glanced over at Nickel. "What's he doing here?"

" Well, remember how I said I was going to run a paternity test on you?"

"What the hell makes you think I'm his kid?"

"I remembered that he had a thing going on with Ratchet before the war. And, despite you looking like a monster, Deadlock ain't tried to kill you yet for some reason," Nickel said dryly. "So I asked him to come down and give a sample just to see if it matches yours."

"I think Deadlock would know if he had a kid!"

"Not really," replied Deadlock, looking a bit embarrassed. "Back then, I did a lot of drugs and was pounding back BORGs like there was no tomorrow. There was a lot of shit that I did blacked out that I still don't remember. Might have even had a bud and never even knew it…"

Hellrider just stared at him. "How in the everloving fuck do you not remember having a kid?!"

"Look, kid, Syk is one a hell of a drug…"

"Oh! So you admit to indulging in Syk even though Lord Megatron has forbade it?" asked Tarn with a tooth-achingly sweet purr.

"Actually, thanks to Ratchet, I got clean and sober well before the war started. I haven't touched the stuff or anything like it for centuries. Unlike some people I could mention, boy…"

"That's not quite right, old man," said Hellrider. "Tarn and his boys are doing Nuke, so they're tripping in the opposite direction, tweaking out instead of nodding off."

"There is nothing in Decepticon law forbidding the use of performance enhancements. Nor is there anything wrong with using them to maintain peak performance in the execution of our duties to Lord Megatron," Tarn replied, his voice velvet soft and serene.

"Says the man with more nasty habits than just being a speed freak!" hissed Hellrider, making a jerking off gesture. "Seriously, constantly transforming is the worst form of self-abuse. You keep it up, Tarn, and you gonna go blind."

"Excuse me, but… Kaon, what in the Pit are doing?!"

They all looked at Kaon, who was now sitting cross-legged on the floor with a very pleased Ravage sprawl in his lap. He paused the petting to give them a confused look back. "What?"

Groaning while placing a palm to his face, Tarn said dryly, "Kaon, you are a member of the Justice Division. As such, I expect you to act with a certain degree of dignity and…"

"Silence!" Ravage snapped. "You're interrupting my snuggles."

"Let the kid be, Tarn. Remember, this ain't an interrogation. I'm just doing a little exam," said Nickel as she finished taking an energon sample from Deadlock then pointed to Hellrider. "You two. Get over here."

"I want to know what he's doing here first," Hellrider said, glaring at Ravage and shifting so he had a better grip on Chip.

"I'm mainly here for snuggles," the cat replied, making happy little kneading gestures while Kaon rubbed under his chin. "But the old man sent me to fetch you. He's not too happy about you copping an attitude with Buzzsaw."

"Little shit helped pass around one of those gifts that keeps on giving. He's lucky I didn't shot the fucking bird." To emphasis that point, he drew out a fusion pistol with his free hand and pointed it towards an unimpressed Tarn. "And I'm perfectly willing to pop a cap in a motherfucker."

"Oh, that's where Slick's been," said Ravage as he rolled over for Kaon to rub his belly. "Megatron has been wondering where he was since you shot Starscream."

"Looks like I'm doing an exam on all three of you idiots today," huffed Nickel. "Now, tell him to transform so we can get this over with."

Hellrider was about to argue that it was just a normal gun when the pistol jerked itself out of his hand and shifted into a robot that looked like a very gaunt, badly maintained clone of Megatron. He stared at Slick, who just over to stand by Deadlock without a word.

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?"

Hellrider went over and sat Chip down onto the table carefully. While she hooked Chip up to the scanners, he leaned over and said in a calm tone, "You know, I could do all this myself and give you the results. I know you got a lot to do, so why don't you…"

"I ain't going to trust some kid I just met," she replied. "Especially one who's crazy or stupid enough to pull a gun on the DJD."

"In my defense, your boys were planning to torture my buddy here."

"And you," said Tesarus. "We were going to do you too."

"Yeah, well I frankly don't give a shit about that. I just don't like you picking on Chip."

Tarn was clearly smiling behind his mask as he said, "So, you and the little one are very close, aren't you?"

"I just don't like seeing little guys get bullied," Hellrider replied, regretting his slip up.

"Of course not. Not very sporting, is it?"

Nickel turned to face Tarn with hands on hips. "Young man, will you please lay off the new guys? I'm trying to work here."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know," said Chip abruptly. "For such a big, bad tough guy, you sure do let Nickel here boss you around a lot."

In a flat tone, Tarn said, "I know how to pick my battles."

"And smart people don't pick fights with medics," Helex cut in with a grin. "Especially not the one who puts in all his t-cogs. She's cut several Tarns off cold before for pulling stunts…"

Tarn turned a glare at him. "Whose side are you on, Helex?"

"With all due respect, sir, we're all going to be stuck in space, heading towards a planet overrun with filthy organics that were allegedly spawned of angolmois. I think we ought to play nice with these freaks because they know more about this Dirt place than we do."

"Really?" Tarn rumbled. "I'd have thought you were just saying that because their medic has a nice aft."

"That's just a happy bonus, sir."

Vents growling with a sigh, Tarn again placed his face to his palm.

"You better wait till I clear him before you going making any plans, boy," said Nickel as she reviewed Chip's results.

Just under his breath, Chip grumbled, "Great. He's not only a cannibal, but a dirty old man too."

"Helex is the same age as your buddy here," came Nickel's quite clear reply as she pointed at Hellrider. "His twenty-seven, Tarn and Tess are both twenty-eight, and Kaon is just seventeen."

"He's only a quartex older than Needy," Hellrider said, carefully looking over the results himself to double-check. "And, before you ask Chip, Vos is sixty-five."

"No he's not," Nickel snapped, rounding on him. "He's only forty-one. And how the hell did you even know what he's age was?"

"Made an educated guess judging by his appearance and the fact he's a lingual purist," replied Hellrider in a calm drone. "But I guess bearing such a heavy load must have taken it's toll on that body."

The look this Vos gave him was a mixture of mute horror and pure venom, but it only made Hellrider smile behind his mask as looked into his mind for that final confirmation.

"Yeah, being part of this division is hard on you," Nickel said with a sad little nod as she helped Chip up. "You're cleared, sweetie. Scrapper sent over the results of the physical he gave you when he put in the new cog, so you're good there. The only weird thing is that you've got CNA of 'unknown origin', but there are several reasons why that is, like the possibility that you were never in the records outside of a household's inventory to begin given how rarely primitives and disposables were even documented on the citizen rosters. And, no offense sweetie, but you clearly were put in a disposable pet body, so Shockwave doubled down on giving you a plausible alibi for why there's nothing on you in the Archives. I'm just surprised hed didn't make you a cassette model, but then again he probably didn't want Soundwave using you spy on him like he does with Howlback and Garboil." She shot a rather smug Ravage a dirty look, then turned back to Hellrider. "All right, who's next?"

Gently guiding Slick over the table, Hellrider said, "Well do him next. He looks like he needs it more than me."

Nickel changed out the leads and hooked Slick up before beginning an external exam. "From what Painkiller said, he'd done it to himself. Appears his response to the 'transition' was to begin self-harming and disassociate to the point of near total catatonia. Primus… What in the Pit has he done?"

She'd popped open his panels to get a better look inside, revealing a mess that made even Tesarus and Helex wince.

"Looks like he's been clawing up his insides," Hellrider said, keeping up a calm monotone as he knelt down to start doing repairs. He only stopped when Slick pushed his hands away. "What? Look man, you're pretty fucked up, so just let me…"

Slick looked him dead in the eye and in an empty voice, said, "Kill me."

"Really?!" said Tarn, perking up considerably but wilting a bit at the glare Nickel gave him. "What? He did ask to be killed. Why shouldn't we oblige his wishes?"

"No, Tarn. No, we are not going to oblige." Nickel turned back to Hellrider. "Well, what are we going to do now?"

"Let me think, ma'am…" Hellrider looked at Slick, wondering how the hell he could possibly let the guy know he was planning to escape with Chip and Vester to the Autobots first chance he had. A private comm line wouldn't work, as Kaon had already admitted he was listening in, and saying that out loud would surely get the three of them murdered in the most painful way Tarn could think up. He glanced over at Deadlock, who had been watching in grim silence.

Breaking it suddenly, Deadlock said with a polite smile as he drew a sword, "From what I heard, Slick, this kid owes you one for saving his ass from Starscream. And it'd be terrible karma if your selfish wish for death caused anything unfortunate to happen to these boys…"

"Whoa! What the fuck?!" snapped Hellrider, getting to his feet just as Deadlock grabbed Chip up in one hand and pressed the blade dangerously close his throat. He made to lunge, but stopped when Deadlock pushed the blade in just hard enough to nick a line.

"I'm simply showing Slick that there are consequences to one's actions."

There was a brief and tense quiet before Slick sat up slightly and said in that empty tone, "Put the kid down, asshole."

"You going to accept responsibility for them?"

"Yeah. Now put him down and let Raoul do his job."

Deadlock put the sword away and gently put Chip down, who immediately bolted over to Hellrider's side to cling onto his leg.

"Hold still sweetie," Nickel said as she pried Chip away to patch up the bleeding line.

Hellrider simply glared at Deadlock, flicking out his claws. "Do that again, [mamabicho, and I'll fucking cut your ass."

Suddenly, Kaon began giggling and smiling a deceptive schoolboy smile.

"What's so funny?" asked Tesarus.

"He just called Deadlock a sissified cocksucker." When he noticed Hellrider had turned the glare to him, Kaon just kept on smiling while cuddling Ravage affectionately. "I've been doing my homework, learning the languages of Dirt…"

"It's called 'Earth', Kaon," Chip said in a weak little grumble.

"I know what I said, Chip."

"[Lay off him, chocha," Hellrider said in sharp Spanish, taking a threatening step towards the grinning Kaon.

In one smooth motion, Kaon sat Ravage aside and got right up in Hellrider's face. Smile going tender, he sweetly replied right back in Spanish, "[Pussy? Really, to have the sad little maricón stand here and accuse other men of being sissies is just fucking hilarious! Eespecially coming from a pato like you, Raoul! ]"

Thankful that he had the mask and visor down, Hellrider's vents rattled as he took a deep breath to reign in the urge to tear Kaon's face off. With a coldness that could've frozen a polar bear, he asked, "[What all did Needy tell you, chota bicho?]"

Kaon just giggled, kissed Hellrider's face plate to give him a tiny shock, then went over to stand with the rest of the DJD.

Giving him a withering look, Tarn said, "I have no idea what you were saying, but please-for the love of our Lord Protector, please don't put your spike in that thing."

"You're fine with Helex fucking the freak," grumbled Tesarus.

"He'll probably kill and eat the bastard afterwards."

Helex looked slightly offended. "Hey! I would never do that… on the first date. That's more a third or fifth date kind of thing."

"I'm just trying to figure out if you called him a 'snitching bug' or a 'snitching dick'," said Ravage. "It can go either way, since [bicho] translates to 'bug' but can be slang for 'spike'."

Ignoring the cat, Hellrider went back to Slick and got back to doing the repairs with Nickel's help. It took a while to get him back to a reasonably functional state, made a bit harder by Chip's reluctance to move very far from Hellrider's side, but things went a bit faster after Chip shifted to bunny mode to perch himself up on Hellrider's shoulder. With one last check by the both of them, Nickel closed up Slick and gestured for him to get off the table.

"Well, he's cleared for now but I expect you to keep an eye on him," she said with a little glare towards Hellrider. "Now, get on the table and let's wrap this up. We've got a lot of shit to do today."

With a bit of reluctance, Hellrider handed Chip over to Slick before laying down. He patiently let Nickel hook up fresh leads and do a physical exam as the scans ran. It was over with in a matter of mere minutes, though Nickel was frowning when she gestured for him to sit up and look at the results.

"So, it looks like you're not Ratchet's lovechild with Deadlock or Pharma. But…"

"My CNA is 'unknown' like Chip's was," Hellrider finished, standing up and stretching.

"And it confirms that the cock-and-bullshit backstory Shockwave gave you wasn't never meant to fool other medics," Nickel said, crossing her arms and staring up at him. "It'd hold up under most scrutiny, though, as plenty of records got conveniently destroyed or rendered unavailable for review because of the War. But medics are trained to notice little things like an abnormal spark rhythm and whatever the fuck is going on with your optics. It's like he planned on it falling apart the moment you got a medical exam… Something that the Autobots routinely do for prisoners to confirm they aren't carrying hidden weapons or dosed with targeted plagues. Nice touch making you an Institute boy, though. That's the kind of thing that makes the majority of people too scared to pry into your past, Rah-ool. Eh, that is how your name-the real one that is- is pronounced, right? Like the Nebulan one?"

"Doesn't really matter," Hellrider said with a deathly composure. "Because that's not me. Not any more."

Nickel stared at him a moment, then dryly said, "Honey, you've heard of 'body dysphoria' before, right?"

"That's not what this is."

"So what is it, then?"

"I'm just finally in the right body, that's all. Are we done now?"

"Nope! We've still got do their check-ups," she said, pointing at the DJD while readjusting the exam table for Hellrider to comfortably work at. "Vos is already cleared, so we'll be doing Tarn next."

"Nickel, I'm afraid that I must…"

Nickel shot Tarn a withering look. "I know you aren't about to backtalk me, boy. Now, hush and get on the table."

"Yes, ma'am." Tarn dutifully went and laid on the table.

Nickel pulled over a step-ladder and position it so she could easily observe what Hellrider was doing. "All right, get to work kid."

Hellrider silently changed out the leads, hooked fresh ones into Tarn and started the scans while he did a preliminary external exam. "Outsides look good, ma'am. Aside from the Yellowing, the initial scans are showing signs of chronic drug use typical in long term users of nucleon and circuit speeders. In fact, judging by the elevated fuel pressure and dilation of his optics, I'd guess that Tarn was chasing the dragon this morning. I would need to remove the mask to see if he's been bruxing…"

"The mask stays on." Tarn's tone was velvet soft but there was an edge laying just underneath.

"Fine. Then let's open you up and see what's going on inside."

With a little huff, Tarn opened his chestplate and Hellrider looked in.

"…and it looks like you've burnt out your t-cog."

"Again?!" snapped Nickel, throwing up her hands. "I just put a new one in last week!"

"It's a maladaptive self-soothing behavior," Hellrider said with a professional detachment. "You really ought to get therapy. Or at least find a better way to manage your stress."

"Pardon me, but I have plenty of ways to cope," Tarn grumbled. "It's just that I currently can't indulge in one of them until a certain condition clears up."

"Right… Well, let's just take care of the t-cog situation first and then see what else is wrong." Hellrider turned to Nickel. "You do have at least one spare for him, right?"

"Here," she replied with a frown, handing over a cog. "That's all that I've got on me right now. The rest are locked up in a box that I've put somewhere safe so somebody doesn't frag them all."

Taking it, Hellrider took out the ruined cog and with deliberate slowness installed the new one to give himself enough time to sneak into Tarn's subconscious to make a few adjustments. Then he went back to examining the rest, pausing here and there to make a few minor repairs before closing him back up. "That's done. Now, which one of you is next?"

"I'll go!" said Helex with huge smile.

"Fine." Taking a moment to clean up and change out the leads once Tarn got up, Hellrider adjusted the table to better fit the hulking mech and began the exam with icy professionalism. It didn't take long for the scans to finish or for him to complete the minor repairs on Helex. "Okay, you're done. Next?"

"That's it?" Helex asked, looking a bit disappointed.

"Aside from the drug habit and being a glutton, you're the picture of health," said Hellrider in a crisp tone. "Now, get up and let's get this shit over with. So, which one of you is next on the block?"

Tesarus and Kaon shared a brief look between them, then Tesarus frowned. "Fine. I'll take my turn."

It was only when Tesarus laid down and had a fresh set of leads hooked up that Hellrider finally noticed his torso was almost entire a grinder. "Uh… okay. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?"

"Scoot over and I'll show you what needs done," Nickel said as she got down and moved the step-ladder over to stand by him.

"Oh, I can see where his panels are," came the reply as he pointed into the grinder. "But just what the hell is that?"

She looked down at what Hellrider pointed out, then glared over at Helex. "Would one of you care to explain how Tess ended up with tentacles stuck in his teeth?"

"We might have partied a little too hard last night," Tesarus grumbled.

"I'm just curious how those got in there in the first place," said Hellrider. "I'm pretty sure Kickback doesn't have tentacles."

"Those are from Tentakil," answered Helex.

"And just were is this Tentakil?"

Helex smiled. "Still sleeping it off in my bunk."

"Well somebody ought to call and wake his ass up."

"Sure thing, fancy fenders."

Hellrider stiffened and growled, "Never call me that again."

"Why not?"

"It's what he used to call his boyfriend," Ravage said with a smirk. "His now ex-boyfriend, might I add."

The smile on Helex's face widened. "Really? So, you on the rebound? Because I'm fine if you're looking to make some mistakes…"

Lowering his head into his hands, Tarn sighed. "…why are you like this?"

"I'll say it again, sir: We're going to be stuck on a ship with these guys. I'm just planning ahead to keep myself entertained."

"Looks like going to be change of plans," said Ravage with a bright tone. "Because the old man has already called dibs on him."

"If you want, I can cut it on. I'll even make it quick," Tesarus grumbled as Hellrider was leaning into him to clear out the mess.

Hellrider paused, considered the offer for a moment, then sighed sadly. "Sorry, I can't right now. I don't want to traumatize Chip any more today."

"And I ain't going to lose my new bitch," huffed Nickel while she oversaw Hellrider's work. "Well, at least you've been sharpening your teeth."

"Just how far did he put these things?" asked Hellrider, finding more pieces of tentacle the further he dug in.

"Pretty far."

"…god. It never ends!" Hellrider moved back, pulling out a foul mass of pulverized silicon and metal tendons. "Tell me something: did Tentakil put these anywhere else I need to know about?!"

"…yes. But those were lubricated."

"You let that guy put tentacles up your butt?" Chip asked, wide-eyed with shock.

"Yup."

Pulling out the last clumps, Hellrider reached in to pop open the panels to check his insides. "Okay. Well, besides needing to do like the rest of your teammates and cutting back on the Nuke, you're fine."

"We done?"

"Yeah." He gestured for Tesarus to get up and turned to Kaon. "You're the last one. Now, get over here."

Looking even more dour than ever, Kaon laid down and let Hellrider hook him up. It was on when Hellrider reached over to open his chest panel that he gave him a nasty shock.

"Ouch," Hellrider said, giving Kaon a tired glare. "Look, I ain't thrilled about this either. So how about you cooperate and let's get this over with already."

Kaon just looked at him, puzzled and annoyed. "…how are you still standing?"

"Sorry?"

"That was enough to knock out a mech Helex or Tesarus' size," Kaon replied.

"…dammit, boy," growled Nickel.

"What? It was just enough to knock out someone, not kill them."

"Oh, real nice," grumbled Hellrider, using a screwdriver to pop the latch on Kaon's chest so he could look inside. After a quick exam, he shut it and looked over the scans. "So, how long have you been part of the DJD?"

"Why?"

"Because you're in much better shape than the rest of them."

"He joined about three years ago," Nickel replied.

"And he doesn't like to party," said Helex.

"I've got too much to do," Kaon huffed. "It comes with being a communications officer."

Helex raised an eyebrow. "So what? Everybody needs to take a break sometimes."

"He's too hung up on Needy to care about that," Hellrider said flatly.

"Just how do you know that?!" Kaon snapped, jerking up and grabbing him by the throat.

"Well, you follow that boy around like a lost bumblepup," grumbled Tarn. "Seriously, I've found the easiest way to find you when we're here is just ask where Needlenose is. You're almost always lurking nearby."

"I'm not lurking," Kaon muttered, face flashing. "My work just happens to involve going into the Archives or otherwise being in places that Needy-that Needlenose coincidentally also tends to be."

"Dude, you're fucking stalking him," said Hellrider.

"And he just ain't into you," added Tesarus.

Kaon gave him a hurt look. "Just whose side are you on, Tess?"

"The one trying to get you laid, dumbass."

"I dunno," said Helex, rubbing his chin with one of his little hands. "I'd say our boy here needs to lower his standards a bit. I've heard Horri-Bull ain't got a problem having a three-"

"I'd rather carve my spike out with a spoon," Kaon hissed.

Hellrider looked to Nickel. "We done here, ma'am?"

"Yeah. You boys are all cleared. And you," she pointed at Hellrider. "You're taking a joor break to get some energon and maybe a smoke, then I expect your aft to get back to work. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She turned to Ravage. "And you can call Soundwave and tell him that I've got too much work for the boy for his crap today."

"He's not going to like that…"

"He can deal."

Ravage frowned with sigh. "You know he's been listening in the whole time, right?"

"Good! Then I want to make it clear that this?" She grabbed Hellrider by the arm and pulled him close to slap a name badge sticker on him. "This is my new bitch. And I will not have him fucking around with him. Or bothering him on break. Got that?"

"…he's beyond pissed, now."

"Well, he can kindly pucker up and kiss the nastiest part of my fucking exhaust port!"

"Right…" Yawning with a stretch, Ravage sauntered out.

Nickel turned back to Hellrider. "Well, what are you standing around for? Get going!"

"Yes, ma'am."

Hellrider went out with Chip and Slick, moving a quick pace. They were barely in the cramped but thankfully empty break room when he finally turned on Deadlock, who'd been following close behind.

"What do you want?"

"First, I owe Chip an apology."

"Apology? For trying to kill me?!" said Chip with a shrill laugh. "Seriously, what the…"

"He was shocking Slick back to his senses," Hellrider said, his tone flat and cold. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"No. I was busy trying not to get decapitated!"

"I wasn't going to, you know?"

"You could've fooled me," Slick huffed as he collapsed into a chair.

While he scrounged up a some cubes and half-full bottle of energon wine, Hellrider said, "You still ain't answered my question."

"I need to talk to you about…" Deadlock paused abruptly, glancing down at the floor.

The rest of them turned to see that Ravage had come along with them and was sitting patiently by an empty dish.

"What?" he asked as he then dug around until he found a pair of unused vape with a case of cartridges. "The old man already knows Raoul's going to try to escape the first chance he gets. We're not stupid. But I just ask that you wait at least three days or so…"

"Why?" asked Hellrider.

"Because I've got three-hundred shanix riding on you waiting that long till you do a runner," the cat huffed.

"How… interesting," said Deadlock, his expression purposely vacant. "I was just going to ask him to come out and have a drink with me three days from now."

"Sure," said Hellrider as he sat down and tossed a vape to Slick. "I'm going to head out to The Slagmaker in three cycles, so you can me there."

Deadlock gave Ravage a brief look, thinking a moment. "…yeah. That'll work just fine."

On that, Deadlock turned and walked out.

"You're not seriously going to meet up for drinks with that psycho," grumbled Chip after a sip on his cube.

"He's already meeting Trickdiamond there to get boosters," grumbled Ravage. "Which is another thing the old man is pissed about…"

"Well, that's tough titty, kitty," huffed Hellrider, pouring a slug of wine into the bowl before opening his mask to take a swig himself and passing the bottle to Slick.

"Let me get this straight: not only are you meeting Deadlock, but your dealer, too?" Groaning, Chip buried his head in his paws. "Dear god… Raoul, what the…"

"Hellrider," he said gently. "Call me Hellrider, okay?"

"I think they already figured out we're all humans," Slick said, passing the bottle back and taking a drag off the vape. "Nickel even called you by your real name, Raul."

Hellrider started to argue that, no, that wasn't his name, but realized that it would be useless to try with these two. "It's spelled 'R-a-o-u-l', man. Not 'R-a-u-l'."

"Okay, first, there's a difference?'

"Yeah."

"And second, you're Puerto Rican, right?"

"…yeah."

"Then why the hell are you spelling you name the French way?"

"My mom really like Phantom of the Opera, okay? The black and white one with Lon Chaney."

"Oh. Okay."

They lapsed into silently drinking, with only Chip sticking to standard energon. It was soon broke by a low boom and distant shouting.

"What the hell was that?" asked Slick.

The answer soon came as Dead End come strolling into the break room, his severed arm in hand. He turned a doleful stare to Hellrider. "Hey, I do so hate to be a bother, but they need you right now."

"Why? What happened?"

"Motormaster started shit with Knock-Out. Breakdown finished it… with a concussive grenade." Dead End sighed, gesturing with his severed arm. "I told him we were going to wait till after the bastard was asleep in his bunk, but does anybody ever listen to me? I mean, we already put a pin on his pillow, but Motormaster just can't take a hint…"

Getting to his feet in on smooth motion, Hellrider cut the vape off and subspaced it before he rushed out without another word.

There was a short silence punctuated by Dead End's whinging, then Chip cut him off. "Uh, don't you think you ought to get that seen to?"

"…I mean, what about my finish and… Oh." He glanced at the arm. "Yes. I suppose I should, but why delay the inevitable? I mean… Ouch! Excuse you!"

"Quit whining and get moving," huffed Chip, kicking Dead End's ankle again with his hind feet. "Go on!"

"Oh, wonderful! Just what I needed… Being menaced by a bunny… Ow! Watch the paint, damn you!"

"Then move your butt!"

Kicking and headbutting the grousing mech, Chip herded Dead End out.

Slick looked at a pitiful looking Ravage, looked at the bottle, sighed, and dumped the rest into the now empty bowl that had been nudged towards him before he lurched after them.