That afternoon, while reading through a new case file on your desk, you came across a name that sent shivers down your spine and made your blood run cold. It had never occurred to you that you would ever see or hear that name again, and seeing it knocked all the air out of you. Your mind started reeling as you flipped through the pages of the file, shocked that no one had stopped it yet. Maybe this was your chance to really make a difference and stop another child from experiencing what you had. Suddenly, the panic set in, and you can't stop yourself from thinking that if you had done something earlier, this file would never have crossed your desk. It was your fault that this poor child was being exposed to such horrors. Grabbing your jacket and the file, you head out of the squad room, hoping that the fresh air will help clear your mind. You wander the streets, not really paying attention to where you are going until your phone ringing brings you back to your senses. Looking at the screen and seeing Olivia's name you let it continue to ring while you look around to figure out where you are. The house of horror is staring back at you, and your anger flares. You want nothing more than to storm in and haul them out in handcuffs, but part of you is still afraid of them, and you also remember your promise to Olivia. When the door opens and you see them, you feel like a little girl again, scared, dirty, and worthless. You turn away and head to find the few people who can do what you can't.
"Alex," you whisper from the doorway, hoping you weren't interrupting her.
"Hey baby, what are you doing here? Liv just called looking for you," she replied, looking up.
"I went for a walk, but I really need your help," you answer, looking down at the file in your hands.
Hearing the fear in your voice, Alex stood up from her desk and walked around the front, leaning against it before she continued, "What's wrong, sweetie."
"This case, Alex, you need to take it and make sure they never see the light of day again," You growl angrily as you walk over and hand her the file.
Alex takes the file from you and guides you to sit on the couch with her as she browses through the pages.
"Honey, I already looked over this file. The girl has a very long history of making up stories and lies about her foster families. This is not the first time she has done this. There is nothing to support the claims she is making."
"Alex, you have to take this case. You have to save her and the others," you argue louder than you intended.
"Hey, do not yell at me, young lady," Alex sternly says as she hands you back the file and walks back to her desk, "I already told you there is nothing to support her story, and she is a chronic liar. There is nothing for me to do."
"But."
"No buts Y/N. This conversation is over."
"There is plenty of fucking evidence, but no one can see it," You yell, throwing the file to the floor, scattering pages everywhere, earning a stern glare from Alex, but when she notices the tears in your eyes, her face fills with worry. This is not like you, and she realizes there must be something more going on. You fall back onto the couch, hiding your face in your hands.
"Y/N, what is going on," she asks walking over to you as she shoots off a quick text to Olivia.
You fall into her arms, clinging to her like your life depends on it. You start sobbing into her shoulder, and she pulls you into her lap, rocking back and forth, trying her best to soothe you. A few minutes later, Olivia appeared, picking up the file and its contents before joining you and Alex on the couch. When you had calmed down, Alex lifted your chin with her finger until your eyes met, and she wiped away the few tears remaining on your cheeks.
"Y/N sweetie talk to us," Alex begs.
"I…I…Just please look at the file. Look really closely at the pictures from the ER. I swear if you just look, you will see it," You plead, looking at them both.
"Okay, honey, we will take another look. Can you show us what you think we are missing," Liv asks, spreading the pictures out on the table.
Your only reply is shaking your head as you pull your knees to your chest and bury your head in the gap between your knees to avoid the pictures that were now laid before you. You didn't need to see them; you had lived them, but you couldn't tell them that. The fear that no one would believe you still sat heavy in your chest because it had been drilled into you that no one ever would, and in the back of your mind, you could still hear the threats that if you told, they would kill you. Alex and Olivia had to make the connections themselves it was the only way to make sure everyone would be safe. Olivia and Alex shared worried looks with each other before turning their attention to the pictures. In the quiet of the office, you could hear them flipping through the pictures, and you silently prayed they would see it and notice the similarity of the marks. You hear the gasps before you feel hands pulling at your jacket trying to take it off. You quietly stand, shedding your jacket, shirt, and shoes before laying back down on your stomach across them with your head in Olivia's lap and your feet in Alex's. Alex gently pulls off your socks and lifts your feet up for her and Olivia to match the burns to the ones in the pictures. Olivia then does the same, pulling up your tank top to show the scars left on your shoulder where he carved his symbol and gently fingered the small star-shaped burns littering your back.
"Oh baby girl," Alex whispers on the verge of tears as she places kisses on the soles of your feet, "I am so sorry, Y/N."
"Can you take the case, please," you ask quietly. "I will tell you everything, I swear. Please just help them."
"We will do our best, baby," Alex reassures you, rubbing a gentle hand up and down your calf, "But we are going to need your help, Y/N."
Rolling over so you can stay in the comfort of their laps, you begin to tell them about the abuse you endured in the two years you spent in that house. The beatings at the hands of both of them, the days without meals as punishment, the hours spent locked in closets, the burns and cuts he inflicted during the sexual abuse, and the verbal abuse that indeed matched a great deal of the other girl's story. The tears came hard and fast, pouring down your cheeks as you told them everything. Alex pulls you onto her lap and cuddles you close to her chest. When you calm down, she gently wipes away the tears and runs her fingers through your hair, kissing the top of your head while Olivia runs a comforting hand up and down your back.
"I will personally go slap the cuffs on them as soon as I make sure you are okay, honey," Olivia promises, combing her fingers through your hair.
"I know that I am supposed to be on desk duty, and I am not cleared for duty, but can I please go with you?"
"No," Olivia says sternly, "I told you the rules, young lady."
"But…."
"I said No, Y/N," Olivia says more sternly, causing your head to drop and fresh tears to start falling.
"Liv, honey, let her explain," Alex says, lifting your chin and drying the new tears "Sweetheart, why do you want to go?"
"I… that I shouldn't have, but when I saw the file, it really hit me, and I went for a walk to clear my head. I…I ummm….I wound up at the house," you start to explain, looking between Liv and Alex, knowing you would be in trouble "I saw them, and it was like I was a little girl all over again. I was afraid of them, and I….I….don't want to be afraid anymore. I need to face them, please. I just don't want to be afraid anymore."
"Y/N, I understand, and I am willing to make you a deal, honey," Liv says, using a finger under your chin to bring your eyes to meet hers, "I will let you come with us, but you cannot be hands-on at all. I will not put your health at risk, and I don't want you to be hurt if they should put up a fight. I will, however, let you read them their rights once they are cuffed and slam the door once they are in the car. But you have to promise me that you will stay back until it is safe and follow my directions, okay? And when we are done, we go back to the rules we discussed this morning. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes, Liv and I promise to listen and follow the rules. Thank you," you say falling into her arms and hugging her to you.
"Okay then, let's go get these fucking assholes," Olivia says as you both stand up, only for you to giggle when Alex lands a stinging slap to Olivia's backside, "Owww."
"Language Detective Benson," Alex says, fixing Olivia with a stern glare.
"Yes, Ma'am," Olivia replies quickly, causing you to giggle more, which makes Olivia turn to you.
"Oh, you think that's funny, do you, little girl maybe you would like one of your own," Olivia playfully asks, raising her hand as if to swat you, only for Alex to land two more stinging swats, causing Olivia to yell out and cover her backside.
"Olivia, she isn't cleared yet," Alex growls sternly
"No shit Alex! What the hell! I fucking know that I wasn't actually going to swat her. Shit," Olivia argued, rubbing her backside.
Alex leans forward to whisper into Olivia's ear, and as you watch her face change, you know what Alex tells her will happen when they are alone without ever having to hear a word. Alex does not do well with disrespect, and Olivia had pushed her buttons with her last comments.
"I didn't mean to get you in trouble, Liv I'm sorry," You apologize as the two of you drive to the house to meet the others for the arrest.
"Honey, my own mouth and temper got me in trouble, not you. You have nothing to be sorry for," she says, reaching over and squeezing your thigh.
"Guess I'll have to use my earplugs tonight," you chuckle, and Olivia gives you a confused look.
"Thin walls and Alex spanks almost as hard as you do, especially with the wooden spoon," you inform her.
"Hey, I can still put you in time out, young lady," Olivia says with a smirk and moves her hand to start tickling you.
"Okay, okay, mercy," you laugh, "stop, Liv, please."
But the tickling continues until you pull up to the house a minute later.
True to your word, for the next week and a half, you sat at your desk doing paperwork and whatever else the squad needed help with without any argument. When the doctor finally clears you to return to work and all other activities as normal, you can't wait to get back home and tell Liv and Alex the good news.
"Cleared for work and all other activities. No restrictions!" You shoot off a quick text to both of them, letting them know the good news.
You find your heart sinking when they reply back with a "That's great, sweetheart" and "Glad to hear it, sweetie". You had been expecting something that would allude to the punishments you surely had coming for your behavior and lying when you were sick, but there were none. In the back of your mind, all you can think about is how you not only had lied to Alex and Olivia multiple times about how you were feeling, but you had also not taken care of yourself and had put yourself in danger by not telling anyone you were sick. You have spent the last four weeks feeling guilty, but now the guilt was really eating at you. You had broken the rules and should be facing the consequences, but Olivia and Alex seemed to be letting you get away with your bad behavior and poor decision-making. The voices in your head shift and now make you think that maybe they didn't care enough about you to follow through on their promise, or perhaps you had upset them so much they had decided not to treat you like a daughter anymore. By the time you got home, your mood had significantly changed, and you were upset and irritated by the whole situation. You stomp through the front door and slam it harder than you intended, earning you glares from Olivia and Alex, who were curled up on the couch watching a movie. You ignore their stares, heading straight for your bedroom and locking the door behind you before curling up on the bed. It didn't take long before there was a knock on the door, but after yelling for them to leave you alone, you put on your headphones, turn them up as loud as you can, and cry yourself to sleep. Some hours later, you wake up to Olivia pounding on your door, telling you to come to dinner, but you roll over and ignore her, hoping that it would piss her off and earn you the scolding and punishment you deserve. A few minutes later, you could hear Alex yelling at you through the door to get your butt to the table with a threat to drag you out if she had to come back again. You roll onto your back and cover your face with your pillow, waiting to see if they will actually follow through, especially since they don't have a key to your door. The stinging slap to your upper thigh sends you sitting bolt upright to find Alex and Olivia glaring at you. You move to peer around them and notice that your door is now completely missing and Olivia holds up the screwdriver for you to see.
"What the hell happened to my door," you ask angrily.
"We took it off the hinges, and it will stay that way until you earn it back," Alex explains, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Why the fuck did you do that?"
"First off, watch your language; you are in enough trouble already. Secondly, not only did you slam your door and the front door, you locked your door, ignored us, and refused to open it, which are all against house rules, and you know it," Olivia states, grabbing the headphones from your head and putting them in her pocket "You can work on earning these back as well. Now dinner is on the table, so get your little butt to the table with the rest of us before you find yourself in even more trouble."
"I'm not hungry," you huff, crossing your arms and pouting.
"Dinner time is family time, and you will sit at the table with the rest of us and eat your dinner."
"No, I won't."
"I don't know where this attitude came from, but it needs to change now, young lady."
"I don't have an attitude."
"Young lady, we have a list of behaviors to punish this weekend do you really plan on making that list longer than it already is," Alex asks, sitting on the edge of your bed.
"What the fuck are you talking about," you start to argue, only to be stopped by Alex yanking you over her lap and delivering 5 stinging swats to your backside.
"I told you to watch your language, young lady," Alex says sternly, keeping you pinned over her lap and resting her hand on your now-burning butt, "I am over this attitude. Now, do I need to continue this spanking to get rid of it, or are you ready to join us at the table like a good girl?"
When you don't answer right away, Alex starts to pepper your backside with stinging swats. You quickly lose count and start to wiggle in an attempt to escape the pain. Just as tears start to form in your eyes, Alex stops and gently rubs your back.
"I asked a question, young lady. Are we going to continue this spanking for your attitude or are you going to behave and go sit down to dinner with the rest of us?"
"Dinner, please. I'm sorry for my attitude, ma'am."
"That's what I was hoping for," Alex replies, pulling you up, and the two of you follow Olivia out of the room.
Dinner found you, Alex and Olivia listening to a very excited Noah talking about his week at school and his upcoming field trip to the zoo.
"That sound like lots of fun Noah. You will have to tell me all about it next week I have never been to a zoo before," you tell him looking up to find three shocked faces looking back at you.
"You really never went to a zoo before Y/N, not even on a field trip," Noah asks.
"No buddy I haven't. I never got to go on the field trips at school because my foster parents would never sign the permission slip and we never did family outings anywhere. When I was 10 I was supposed to go to Coney for a birthday party but my foster mom refused to take me or give me money for the subway," you explain feeling slightly embarrassed at your lack of life experiences.
"Mommy, Mama can we take Y/N to the zoo this weekend? It's not fair that she has never been and we don't have school on Monday. Can we please?" Noah begged his moms putting on his best puppy dog face.
"I don't see why not Noah. We all have a three day weekend and Mommy, Mama and Y/N are not on call this weekend."
"Really, do you hear that Y/N we can go to the zoo."
"I did that. I can't wait it sound like it will be a lot of fun."
"Well Mommy and I have something we have to discuss with Y/N this weekend too but after we get that done we can enjoy the whole weekend together. And maybe we can take that trip to Coney Island you never got to go on too," Olivia said with a smile getting up to start the dishes.
"Y/N why don't you go wait for Liv and I in our room. There is something waiting for you on our bed," Alex instructs you getting up to help Olivia clear the table.
You walk down the hall to Olivia and Alex's room wondering what could be waiting for you. When you open the door you can see a piece of paper on the bed and walk over to it. As you get close you realize there is also a wooden spoon and a belt laying on the bed with the sheet of paper. The paper contained a short list of the rules you had broken when you were sick and a few rules you had broken when you were waiting to be cleared. Tears fill your eyes as you realize you earlier attitude and sulking had been for nothing.
"Am I correct in thinking that your earlier attitude had to do with you thinking we weren't going to follow through on our promise and you felt like we didn't love you or care about you anymore," Alex asked from the doorway.
You give her a tear-filled nod and run into her arms, letting loose a stream of apologies.
"Liv and I were serious earlier," Alex says, and you look up at her in confusion, " We are going to handle all this punishment tonight so that we can enjoy the rest of the weekend as a family doing all the outings we can fit in so you can experience the childhood you never got."
You bury your face in the crook of her neck and continue sobbing. Alex guides you toward the bed and sitting pulls you into her lap, holding you close and gently rocking you. This was definitely going to be a long weekend, but you had no doubt it would be the best weekend of your life.